To anyone asking questions about their gender, and wondering how it's possible to "not know" let me tell you a story.

I didn't know for -decades-

it took me a lifetime of hating my body, feeling detached, bouncing between mood swings coping mechanisms etc etc.

That isn't to say I was never happy! I had so much joy and good people in my life, but eventually... I always came up asking myself why i never felt 'right'

over the years, I learned about what it meant to be transgender, and was always curious, but -knew- it wasn't for me. And when I wondered too hard, I would actively banish the thought from my mind.

When my trans friends would come out, or post pics of their progress, I was always in awe. I admired them, and was so proud of what they'd accomplished, but I also always felt frustrated. irritated a little even.

there was this feeling that..it wasn't fair. I had taken so long to accept who i was, to become comfortable" with myself, and they are just... switching genders?

(i know that's not correct, but my brainwashed boy-brain was still mired in it's own biases.)

Then I realized why. I wasn't angry. I was Jealous.

I was Jealous that my assigned male at birth friends were allowed to be female.

and I wasn't.

and even then it STILL didn't click.

My poor subconscious must have been beating her head against a wall screaming "OK bitch you're really this dense? fuck it, fine." because EVEN THEN it took 3 consecutive nights of dreaming I was female, before I woke up in a cold sweat and asked myself "wait...what if i was...?"

The thought terrified me. but once I knew I couldn't look away. It took weeks of confusion, but that gave-way to something even more powerful.

Excitement. The thought that I -could- be female, that this was who I am? i felt alive for the first time since...childhood.

I'm a month into HRT. it took me a lifetime to get here, and I have a mountain to climb to get to where I want to be, but for the first time ever I'm excited every singe day to take even one single step towards my goal of being myself.

So If you don't know, or if you have questions, or if you think it's not for you, that's OK. but don't ever stop searching for the better you that you know is out there. I promise it is, and when you find that you, it will be more wonderful than you can even imagine.

So!

Everyone who's in my social circle already knows, but yeah... big moment of realization/self discovery/ my dumb bitch brain finally breaking through years and years of conditioning, before I finally realized what deep down, I kinda knew all along.

I don't have to pretend to be a boy anymore.

So yeah. I'm only a month in, so there is a mountain of work until how I feel, even remotely matches up to who I am, but for the first time since...forever, I'm me.

Happy pride!

Stream night! well folks, to celebrate the news today, we thought we would stream movies with spies, lawyers or politics. (we promise, no ranting, just movies and drawings.) go vote here on what you wanna see!

https://www.strawpoll.me/17302324 
and join us here: https://picarto.tv/Boiler3
 

Stream night!

well folks, to celebrate the news today, we thought we would stream movies with spies, lawyers or politics. (we promise, no ranting, just movies and drawings.)

go vote here on what you wanna see!
https://www.strawpoll.me/17302324

and join us here:
https://picarto.tv/Boiler3

streaming!
doodleing and playing spae D&D with freinds. semi-under the weather after getting back from Further Confusion (please dont be con-crud...)
https://picarto.tv/Boiler3
https://picarto.tv/doppel

streaming! drawing and watching movies!
https://picarto.tv/Boiler3

streaming!
lowkey party stream. some art, some game streaming, countdown to new years!
https://picarto.tv/Boiler3

 

Heye folks! sorry for the late start, i was in Adobe illustrator hell fighting with a vector...
some work tonight of a daki project, and movie depending on the demand.
https://picarto.tv/Boiler3
 

Tumblr.

A social networking and art posting party-zone that in it’s hayday was a love letter to artists and creators, seems to be going the way of all good things, and following the money.

as of December 17th, no adult content will be allowed. what’s worse, the algorithm seems to be so shit, that art is just getting flagged at random.

I plan to continue to post my regular stuff on it, but for the most part, I I’ll be re-activating and posting to all the accounts which I’ve let lie fallow these past several years (mostly because tumblr was just so damn convenient!)

https://twitter.com/Hobbes_Maxwell

https://www.deviantart.com/boiler3

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/boiler3/

https://www.weasyl.com/~boiler3

https://inkbunny.net/Boiler3

And I’ll still be posting to tumblr at
http://boiler3.tumblr.com/ untill the ship well and truly sinks. the biggest tradgedy of all this is how much tumblr put all the art i wanted to see on a daily basis right there in an easy to use dashboard. that will be missed. Also, to those wishing to back up their favorites or any other tumblr they adore, i tested this out last night, and it works wonders (downloaded 4 gigs worth of likes!)
https://www.jzab.de/content/tumblthree#download

To the tumblr crowd, thanks for re-posting your migration status. I think for everyone, our biggest fear is losing track of artists we admire.

I’ll primarily post to twitter, deviantart and furafinity, but if postybirb seems to work for me, I may be hitting all simultaneously.

Finally, I will be setting up a patreon and ko-fi in the coming months, no big rewards or tiers to start, basically a tip jar and some fun stuff once I plan it out better.

For better or for worse, a single web-sight going down (even if it was, despite it’s flaws, one of the best) isn’t going to stop me or anyone else from drawing, animating or creating what we love, be it safe for work, or filthy as heck.