How did the otter get a computer virus?

---

Downloading too much PRAWN!!!

What did the otter need to bake a loaf of dill bread?

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DILL DOUGH!!!

What's in the center of a sea apple?

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The CORAL!!!!

 tinyunicornfarm has a few open commission slots for amaaaazing traditional badges at waaay too low of a price!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7325768/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7325768/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7325768/

Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18331949/

does phenomenal work- these slots won't last x.X;

If this is up, there's still a slot! The sooner you claim them, the sooner I can get back to bad puns <3

What was the crab's new year's resolution?

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To be less SHELLFISH!!

What's the least impressive fish to mount on the wall?

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ATROPHY BASS!!!

Happy Howlidays nwn~!

What did the otter yell when she got tangled in seaweed?

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KELP!!!

What crustacean should you play volleyball with?

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A LOB-ster!!!!

Where do teenage fish hang out on the weekend?

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The MALL-usk!!!

What's the best cephalopod to spend a cold day with?

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A CUTTLEFISH!!

The title says it all. I hope this is a day for family for you, or if you're displaced like me, a day to share with friends! Be thankful to be alive: You are loved <3

If anyone comes up with better fish puns, let minnow!

What does every fish father want for their daughters?

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TO KEEP THEM OFF THE POLE!!!

How does every successful fish build up their business?

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THEY START SMALL-SCALE!!

What's the most huggable cephalopod?

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CUTTLEFISH!!

What did the fishmonger say to the magician?

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"PICK A COD, ANY COD!"

Why are lobsters bad at sharing?

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THEY'RE SHELLFISH!!

Why was a duck panhandling at midnight?

---

He needed to score some QUACK!!

What's the most punk mollusk?

---

OY-sters!!

How do otters like their potatoes?

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SCALLOPED!!

How do you know clams swing both ways?

























________________

They're BI-valves!!

When I fall asleep drunk I have super vivid dreams and often lucidly remember snippets. When I fall asleep sober, I can't dream anymore- pretty sure from severe pineal gland abuse...

AAAAANYWAY~~~~

(I was volunteered to have the *ahem* honor of working Sunday at the asscrack of dawn to help with peak volume, so my Halloween plans were abruptly dashed, and thus I will be home tonight, hopefully not being kept awake by the ignorantly asshole-ish fratboys who live above me, but my nerves are steeled for the worst.)

_________________

My asshole neighbors' kid rings my doorbell. I answer the door beer-in-hand. I never get trick-or-treaters, and thusly have no candy (I can't eat sweet stuff :<). Kid has like 3 pieces of candy in said bag... Must've only hit up a few other folks in the apartment so far. He's got some cute dinosaur costume/child-kigu-thing or something on, so even though he torments my cats (near daily, even after politely asking him, his parents, and grandma to reign it in), I don't slam the door in his face. He's already got the bag spread wide open as I open the door, so I think for a second, and pour some beer into the bag after the obligatory "Trick or treat!" He looks in the bag and says "I can't eat this." -He's like 5 or 6, mind you- I sarcastically say, "Yeah, but you could drink it." Realizing this was immediately a bad idea, I take the bag from him, dump it out, then shove my hand in there and pretend to root around. I roll up the bag and hand it back to him. "Here ya go, kid." I shut the door and turn off the porch light as he's looking in the bag. Through the door I hear him start to say "Hey..." and begin knocking on the door again. I'm already back on the couch and shout "Nobody's home anymore!" as I hear the neighbors' door closing. The stupid kid is still knocking on the door, and his dad (who has a whiningly distinct high pitched voice), says "C'mon, let's just go..."

________________

I woke up laughing my ass off. Normally I'm not malicious in the slightest. Maybe it was the passing out on devil's night? My sake is gone, and my case of beer is about to be open. Say a prayer I don't start commissioning people, because it's so easy to rationalize despite facing rent and bills this week X3~!

[Edit] I apparently already bought a microphone. http://sellout.woot.com/?ref=gh_so_11 They're great mics and this price is amazing...

Thanks for reading! I hope I didn't come across as too terrible a person

I'm gonna be cheesing away at work all day- woke up to two unbelievable commissions and I can't stop grinning (not that I'd want to <3)

Thank you  ailuranthropy and  audra-hime You guys rule

 lirip
 lyshastra
 h-eichou
 gr0ssking
 glitchiest
 itsteriyaki
 lawkie
 kyoko~chan
 kuro-no-demon
 lunarfoxraptor
 luckykoneko
 lokami

These guys are great- give 'em some more watchers <3

Give these guys watches right now <3~!
 snickledoodle
 derpicorgi
 allegrosky
 audra-hime
 bidoyinn
 captainchaos
 cattuccino
 cheddarpup
 chloe-dog
 d-o-b-e
 dotsfa
 essie-doodles

Round 1: A-E (and an 'S' XP sue me)
I know my journals are worth doodly, but these guys deserve more recognition! <3