the weekend ran great, the con went smooth and the new place seemed nice, haveing it right next to the park made it great to get out and get away, i got see see tons of friends i have not seen in some time,, a few i had not seen in years. as with any con tho, this one seemed kinda blaa and things just went down hill from there. i'm glade i went. i would not undo it, but i can say that this past weekend has sent me back wearing a few scares that may take a long time to heal if ever. i just feel kinda broken and beat down. think about this just has me in a dark place. i'm fighting to get out of it, but so much is unsure right now. i'm going to take a week or two and just think things out.

most the plans have been set, the room party will be at
8 pm till 10 pm that friday night, there will be snacks, drinks and sweets. invitations are being worked on now and will be handed out that day at the con. staff and boosters will have an open invite. it should be a nice time to set back and chill . shune, mace, and myself hope to see you all there . this con in it's self is somehing i have been in great need of, just getting a break and haveing both my loveing mates there will make it even better. along with having friends to hang with, what more can you ask for :) see you all there,.

hope your all haveing a nice stress free day. "snugs"

not much going on around here, just working and staying busy. talked with mace and shune both seem to be doing ok, mace has been looking around more trying to find work, shune had his wisdom teeth pulled and it went well but the meds thay have him on have had him very sick, i have been checking in with him, but truth being told. i hate knowing he's sick and i am not around to be there for him. i hate seeing him or mace not feeling well much less knowing thay are in any kind of pain. keep him in your thoughts and i know i'll be doing the same. welp, that's about it. :P

i could not sleep tonight so i thought i'd update my l j and post how my birthday went. i spent the day befor with mace, he and i drove down to see shune and meet his dad and grandfather. all in all that went much better than i thought it would. his father was a somewhat warm guy who seemed to try and be nice with us. we spent the day out together his father bought us dinner for my birthday and we hung a short time at there place and chated. shune had hoped to come back that night but stayed to help his grandfather and take care of him. mace and i came back here to my place and spent the next day messing around the dragons den, we had a late lunch with dallas and haystack, that was not only great getting to know dallas more but getting to see stack again, he and i have been friends for a long time now but never see eachother. so with that done we came back here, got some stuff done and then had friends call and want to meet up to hang, nightwolf and his loveing wife, a fellow dragon. along with tom and his roommate as well as gamma, fyre and sodders where here as well. we all set arounds had snacks and watched twilight, talked and just tryed to have a nice easy time. shune had hoped to make it but his grandfather was not doing so well and he stayed to watch over him. we talked a few times. it killes me to hear him when he's sad or just down and i could tell he was. he wanted to be with us and we wanted him here just as much. mace and i did what we could to just let him know that we love him and miss him, but more so understand he has things that come first. so for the most part it was not to bad a birthday, i got to spend some time with both my loveing mates, had time with some very dear friends. and had two days off work. thanks for all the birthday wishes and to all my friends for careing so much.

well not much has been going on, working a lot and trying to keep my head above the water. this wednesday i hit the big 37. damn where did the time go. seems like just a day ago i was moving here to huntsville and starting a new life. learning what this furry thing was and finding out i fit in some place. so much in the last ten years have made such an impact on my life. fyrefangs moving here and us starting a life that for better or worse has lasted 10 years as friends, a shoulder to lean on and a warm hung when needed. kpfoxpaws move here and our mateship no matter how short and how hard things where. the times we had where real and warm and at times caring. there are points with him i would not trade a thing for and more that i have grown and made myself better for. and now my mateship with mace and shune. to say that this will and has already been faced with it's own hardships and mountains to move would be a lacking statement. but one i gladly face with an open heart and a willing mind. i do feel very blessed to know that i am so cared for by friends and family. and now two very loving and caring mates. it's odd i don't feel old, tho at times i have always felt i was born with an old soul. i know that no matter what i face i will do it knowing i am loved, cared for and i have people that only want me happy. i will always have another mountain to move and another road to walk down, but i face it a little less alone and a little less worried on where i am going. so with that said. thank you all.

you can hurt so much the heart forgets to feel and lets the feelings fade, but love remembers.

you can hide away from the world trying to not see what it is your missing and forget it all, but love remembers.


you can let some things fade with time, get busy with the day to day and let your mind wounder but love remembers .

i love you mace and shune and if i ever forget that, don't worry love will remember.

we made it to f w a, bit of a tight stretch but the trip went well. the con was good. and getting to see old friends and catch up with them is always kool. i did a lot this weekend. it was very busy. there where some up's and downs with this con. Saturday {THE DRAGONS GATHERING } was just a bit more than i could take.we'd got together to say our goodbyes to ferp and that really made it set in that he's gone.not haveing him there when this would have been his first since being out of stats. i did my best to hold it together but broke down and had to leave early.there where a lot of friends, i got to see but more i missed.all in all it was a great weekend, there are just so many names to list off. Fyrefang, Sodders, Lennymutt, Greypaws, Tilt, brody, kiwi, annie, pat, kp, Crazywolf, Kirin, steelclaw, ko, jade strife, setsu, nitewolf, alex,and tons and tons more. a big thank you go's out to you all and i hope to see you all at r c f m. time for rest now :)

welp all the plans are set for f w a. this should be a great con, i'll have my two loveing wolfys there with me, mace and shune. we'll be getting there friday about mid day. i am almost packed and i can not wait, this weeks has been so damn slow in passing . works going ok, i just ben busting my tail a lot. so till i get to se you all there, take care and for the one's driveing, be safe "hugs"

p. s. i don't think i have ever felt so loved.

well this has been one hell of a week, there where up's and downs. i'd hurt my back last Saturday,, was out of work 3 days from it,,, got into a big fight with a very dear Friend and last but not least. mace blackwolf and i are taking each other as mates. we've known each other for years, he's someone i love him dearly and i hope that what time is given to us in this life will be one filled with learning and joy and smiles. along with some hard times and fights, but that only makes the make up sex so much better :P so grats to me and here's to a year of new starts and and new roads to wounder down.

just a fast update,,,, had mace down this weekend really did not do much. just went and got a new shirt and pair of pants for this coming weekend... got most my stuff ready. and i got most of what i wanted for the trip. we did go out and spend some time with matt . think that's the most he and i have talk in 6 months. seems kinda odd still. he i and mace went to a movie. i almost reached out to hold his hand. it not something i think would start trouble but at the same point. he and i are at a point where faded love meets lets be friends. taking his hand to hold it. no matter how right it might feel to me would have been one really big fuck up. he and i are both moving on. i'm proud to say i'm past a lot of pain and hurt that i had a hard time dealing with. but it helped me face something..he and i have been down that broken road. going back would be a waist of what we have learned for it all. i'm not sure how much we'll friends . and trust is not something i am handing out any time soon. he has a busy life. he seems happy with what it's going into. i'm just starting back into mine and the path i am looking down may have a few sharp twist. but i can only hope to face it with grace and open eyes. i am hoping the this trip back to my grandfathers land will help me with some things i am working though. going back seems right but so much of me has been shut down for so long, waking that scares me just the same. in a side note this past weekend was mating session for dragons, hope all my scaled brothers had a safe and fun time. i spent mine in though of things i am working on and things i need more work with. being alone may not be great but at times we all need to face what comes along with it. so that's about it. take care and i wish you all better days.

just been busy with work and home life, staying busy as always. got a camping trip set and i can't wait. it'll be nice getting away for a little. i have not been back to my grandfathers land for almost two years, other than to drop by and head back out. his passing hit me hard. i grew up with him and my grandmother, my twine and i spent most our summers there. it was a part of my life that now looking back on i see shaped me in ways i would not know and happen to still learn as i grow older. i miss the care free days. running with a pack of dogs mixed with wolfs . taking long hikes camping at night and just watching the night sky. i loved my childhood but going back to the land seems sad. so much change and so much has passed. i'm no longer a carefree kid but i will face this as a grown man, hoping to learn and grow more from it. :)

welp it was here and over so fast, it's been kinda mixed, it was a good con. very little drama. and for the most part the con ran great. i just kinda spent a lot of time just walking around saying hi and hanging with friends i don't get to see a lot of. there where a few i missed this year. and it still seemed odd that k p and i where around each other. we did not speak. not sure but i think that was for the best seeing how thing had gone with he and i in the near past. tho he seemed to be haveing fun. i'm glade. i did not want him being bitter all weekend and letting the con pass him by. i spent a good bit of time helping pita out and working the con, but i love doing it so that was great. my party went over very well. most seemed to really like what i had done for it and the cakes got torn into.. not to much left but i did not run out , so that was great. anie had a great time as well. i was so happy she got to make it down with pantera. that both helps out tons. so all in all it wen well. i did not take that many pics this con. but i'll post a few that i did get. so to anyone on there way home from the con, have a safe trip and i'll see you all back there at next years r c f m. hope you all had a good time.

well it's here, this weekend is r.c.f.m., i have most my cakes started and i'll be spending most the day before getting them done, i love doing this but this year really has me stressed , to much to take care of and to little time to get it all in hand. cash is going to be really tight, i went all out on the cakes this year but i think it'll be so worth it. the main cake for the feed is really going to be something grand, i am going all out so if your there come have some of my sweets and see what i have worked so hard to do for the con, there won't be as many kinds of sweets this year, the main cake took almost 180 bucks just got get together, i have a list of other sweets to go along, key lime pies, peanut butter pies as was asked for by bonk. cookies and so on. i'll be checking into my room friday. to all of you that will be coming into town, have a safe drive and i'll see you all there . get ready this should be one hell of a weekend.

been meaning to pst here but i have just been way to busy,
there's so much been going on, my work is keeping me running none stop and what free time i have had i havebeen spending with very good friends. i went last week and had a day trip out of state, and just after that i had friends over for a few days, mace droped by for a night and all in all it's been very nice haveing friends around that have been there for me even when i seemed to be pulling away. i am getting better at not doing that, but from time to time i do,, and with all the change that went on with kp and i going our own ways i have just been trying to stand on my own feet, i don't think i'm doing to bad at it . it's been much less stressfull and i don't feel so over looked. he and i are not talking and for all that went on it's best we do not try. things with that drama took way to long to get pushed aside, i can say i have seen more sides to him than i care to see any more of. he had wrote a nice fuck you letter to me all but saying that for the most part he was liveing here he had not really seen us going any where in life together, but turned around and blamed me for his fucked up life, he can blame all he likes, the letter really did not get to me, but it did upset a few others . on a side note, he has stoped sending letter to me here tho,,, and that's been very nice. i have had my hands really full with the upcomeing rcfm event i am haveing and all the work that go's with it. most will never know just how much work i put into it and i don't mind it staying that way. i do it for the love of it not just for the fame. as for the con, i can't wait to get a few days from work and just rest some, there's a lot of fur family coing into town for it and i can't wait. welp that's about all for my update....... hope that you are all dong great.

hello all

things here have been some what busy, i among other things i have been staying very busy with work. i had my 36 birthday last week. it was nice. annie and pat came down, ganie and fyre also hung out with us and we really had a nice time. nothing big, but truth be told i just wanted something small and that's just what i got. tho i did end up with three birthday cakes. and kp sent a birthday card though the mail. not to sure how he is or how things with the new place have been for him. he and i have not talked in weeks. guess that's best even if i'd wished for better. i still think about him all the time, i do still love him, but time passes. the earth keeps moveing round and with it change is always anew. i have things here to a some what stressless day to day goings on...
and the house is really starting to come together. most the plans have been set for rcfm, the cake feed this year should be great. or so i am hopeing for. this is something i have a lot of fun doing, but i also put a lot of time and work into it. the cakes are not just bought and tossed into boxes and taken to the con. it takes me two days befor getting them made up and getting my list together of fillings and iceings. topinga dn such. but it's so much worth it watching the people at the con walk in and just get a buzz off the sent of the sweets. it's a great way to start a con welp for now that's about it. i'll check back when i get time,

well i just got back from f w a and for as worn out as i am, i can say i had the time of my life, the on went great ,i spent my time hanging with old friends and meeting new ones. we went out a few times and i picked up some art and have a few badges comeing in from the con, over all i can say this was the best con i have been to in years. mace and i went together but kinda did our own thing most the con and that was great. we spent the last night hanging out few good friends and i could not have asked for the con to have ended any better. it's only been a few weeks from my breakup with kp and my first thoughts on going to this con where o only go and get away from the growing drama around the house and i really thought i'd spend most my time just setting in my room watching tv, that looking vback now was far from any truth about the con, i ws out and running around ad haveing the time of my life, i had friends there like twize khir, annie and big bear, mace, blinka and tons more i could keep listing and listing, but the point i am just makeing is that due to some great friends i had a weekend i will never forget,,,my first meeting jade and getting to hang more with his very sexy mate and one of my best friends, stryfe, thanks to you all for this very much needed break away . "hugs all around" now it' s time for em to unpack and fall over dead for lack of sleep. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i can't wait for the next fwa

well i just got back from f w a and for as worn out as i am, i can say i had the time of my life, the on went great ,i spent my time hanging with old friends and meeting new ones. we went out a few times and i picked up some art and have a few badges comeing in from the con, over all i can say this was the best con i have been to in years. mace and i went together but kinda did our own thing most the con and that was great. we spent the last night hanging out few good friends and i could not have asked for the con to have ended any better. it's only been a few weeks from my breakup with kp and my first thoughts on going to this con where o only go and get away from the growing drama around the house and i really thought i'd spend most my time just setting in my room watching tv, that looking vback now was far from any truth about the con, i ws out and running around ad haveing the time of my life, i had friends there like twize khir, annie and big bear, mace, blinka and tons more i could keep listing and listing, but the point i am just makeing is that due to some great friends i had a weekend i will never forget,,,my first meeting jade and getting to hang more with his very sexy mate and one of my best friends, stryfe, thanks to you all for this very much needed break away . "hugs all around" now it' s time for em to unpack and fall over dead for lack of sleep. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i can't wait for the next fwa