Computer Down for the Count
My hard drive borked.
My profile corrupted for the 4th time in a few months -- despite running a tune-up program, and I tried a different tact: I tried using a Windows restore point and it got locked in a loop.

When I broke out, and rebooted I got the BSOD Critical File Died. My restore USB didn't work, so I resurrected my old Win7/10 PC.

After a whole night updating Windows 10 from August 2020, I made a new recovery USB which also didn't work.

Long story short, I found a local shop with a long track record and dropped it off last night; only thing is I got a sus message about having a "small" "slow" SSD.
It is a 1TB drive that came with the PC tower from HP in August 2020; I never opened the case, but I don't believe a HP factory build would put in a drive not selected; also when I backed up I saw the size of the physical drive. I'm trying not be paranoid, but the message was oddly worded and I need to discuss it with the tradesman.

Playing it Safe
I am changing my most critical passwords that are tied to my finances, and other PII, since my drive is in the wild (at the repair shop).
I may be over reacting, but some passwords are old and there is a lot of shenanigans with online financial transactions.
I will change all my passwords in order of usability.
If anything weird shows up on this FA or my DA, be wary and message me.
The drive may be borked, to my level of understanding, but that doesn't mean my stuff can't be accessed.

Convention News
I am not sure if I am attending the new convention: the Telegram group has a lot of unsavory chatter (politics both in the fandom and the US presidential).
I temporarily suspend my IRL identity when I enter the Fandom, and I do not align with any factions within it.
Charlie just wants to play and be happy with other Anthrops, not break the magic by discussing "foreign" policy in an emotionally charged manner.

I'm still not sure about being able to travel to Florida for MegaPlex -- due to health and financial factors.
It disheartens me when those in the fandom hate on the state of Florida; I'm attending a convention, not moving there (too many bugs in the summer).
If they are voting with their wallets, I may boycott their more favored conventions as well.

Mobile Computing Stinks with old Doggo Eyes
Since I don't want to transfer everything back to my old Win7/10 box, only to reset it after I (hopefully) get my gaming tower back, I'm using my mobile phone for Telegram and Discord.
I have Zoom set up as a contingency for an upcoming health meeting -- but with only 8GB of Ram, the 2014 Vintage tower is taxed.
Meanwhile I have to use a magnifying lens on top of my reading glasses to see some of the small stuff on my mobile screen.

In Closing
The next week will be reloading all my software and data from my backup drive and changing my passwords.
Busy with the tech that allows me to game and be a dog on the Internet.

Happy New Year?
It's already February and the Groundhog has spoken: we're due for a short winter.
I've kind of been staying in my den since going to a Furry New Year's Eve Eve party -- which occurred on the 30th.
The biggest thing that came out of the party was my discovering ties that the proprietor Shy Matsi has with MegaPlex and he knows Vixyy Fox!
I picked Shy's brain on the best way for this provincial dog to travel all by his lonesome to get to Orlando (I've always been a passenger for long trips, but lost my driver).
I truly wish someone could just crate me, ship me out, and pick me up when I arrive -- like live air cargo, but my pockets aren't that deep.

Springing Ahead
I've got my semi-annual D&B meet in my old home town this month. It's a meet and eat at a gaming emporium, and it's good to see local furs again.
Next on my dance card is a new convention in NJ, Garden State fur the Weekend. It's exciting to be doing these things, so I've been charging my social battery.
I am also slowly exploring my options to see if I can attend MegaPlex 2024. I am making little inquiries into travel and lodging and transportation.
I have real life situations with work and housing that may affect my ability to afford a sleep away con, so I am working to see if I can wangle a (probably) once in a lifetime trip.
I'm still a dog on a budget after all.

Playing Quietly at Home
Most of my leisure time has been spent Reading books: I've finished He Who Fights with Monsters by Shirtaloon, and I am now reading Dungeon Crawler Carl and Defiance of the Fall series. I also watched some video series -- the last season of Lucifer, the first of Hazbin Hotel, and some more animes on Hulu. I still listen to a bit of YouTube videos on Thought and Meditations -- Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer videos and the like, while at work and doing other things.
I haven't draw too much -- I have to start drilling again -- and my Charlie stories are hibernating. Not feeling very creative at the moment.
In Gaming, I found a cute RPG/Explore on Luna, Kitaria Fables, and still haven't upgraded my Oculus 1, but started playing again -- including a VR version of Lost Ember

Still the Background Character
Maybe it's being a gray muzzle (almost white) but I'm more content just being and not running out and doing at the drop of a hat.
I run out of gas too quickly and a few hours of play is plenty for me.
The old doggo bones don't like the damp and cold and it's easier to just nestle in a blanket at home sometimes.
It's also avoiding temptation. I put on a few pounds over the last months, and most of the events I can go to have delicious food. It's easier to stay home and eat my stir fried cabbage strings (quite good and it's an all you can eat item) and do my exercises.

So, carrying on carrying on. Enjoying my time and balancing work and play. I snapped a working from home photo for fursuit Friday, so I'm not being a dull boy.

Final Weeks of 2023
The final two weeks of the year, has furry Xmas and New Year meets going on and ANE jumps off early next month. I'm in the running for a small furry New Year's Party – there is a Xmas one also, but I have Xmas day with family already planned.

Time is running out to choose, whether I go to the Xmas party or not, so I am carefully weighing driving 100 miles twice over the holiday weekend after 10 pm. I might get a room, but I haven't confirmed one yet, so TBD if there will be room at the Motor Inn.

Premeditatio Malorum
This is my balance for what I do; cost benefit analysis and What is the worst that could happen and what then?
One can't hide if they want to live, but sometimes the old wartime question, Is This Trip Really Necessary comes to mind. Little wants, big wants, needs. How often do we roll the dice and at what stakes. Driving highways and country roads after dark in the winter – with black ice conditions – are some odds to weigh carefully. I am, after all, a dog on a budget, so hotel and motel stays are a luxury I don't splurge on too often.

Meanwhile, I mostly chat on Telegram, watch some Twitch Streams (not during work – too busy, and not after 10pm on work nights).

I have also been playing single player games and have been watching a “new” Police drama on Prime, Cuffs – Brighton England in the 2000s (probably current day when first aired). Reading continues to be my quiet time activity after 9pm. Drawing is also being done, when the muse inspires me (or if it is slow at my job), as well as creative writing.

I have been trying to come up with Charlie material; specifically, for an arc where he is a sailor in a time around our mid to late 19th century when steam and sail were the powers that drove us. This dovetails into Scanectity's valley (as written and presented by Vixyy Fox). And, drawing from my own insolent youth, I added a dash of salt and rum to his character. Not sure if it will stay, but a swabby on shore leave without partaking in a few cups of the hair of the dog is a rare thing indeed.

Writing, despite my love of books and an English Literature major (incomplete) is a task in which I'm challenged. I'm trying not to reinvent the wheel, but shifting voices from character to narrator to observer is a bit of a juggling act – like plate spinning and other wonders that Metassus wolf and the Dancing Monkey troupe best perform (Just reread that chapter the other night – Hup! Hup!)

I also like speaking directly to the audience.

The Fourth Wall
An Amazon production I watched yesterday, “Asteroid City” showed a playwright in his creative process of bringing to life a piece about a small dessert town with an anomaly.

The viewer of the video watches the shift from the writer's space (a typing desk, which is center stage, on the boards) to the playhouse where the actors discuss the upcoming performance to the teledrama itself – filmed with that 1950's palette of bright pastel optimism. These transitions occur with the viewer looking in from the fourth wall, which is the mirror of the camera lens.

A Furry Fourth Wall
We furs also do this phasing in and out of “'the magic” (our time in character) as easily as breathing; sometimes the lines blur so much, it is hard to tell where we begin and our fursonas end – at least when we aren't deliberately staying in character.

To me, it's like our fursona is the center most splash of paint on our canvas and it is then moved this way and that with a pallet knife, then other colors and shades are blended in and added to it: Gaming, Cars and other modes of transportation (trains, planes) that are often part of our non-furry passions are often discussed (queue I Like Trains Meme).
There are first responder furs, furs in the military, medical furs and then work-a-day furs in retail and such. I fall into the “and such” category.

When we chat, the conversational lines are often inked with normal things, home repair, our jobs, non fur travel and activities. but tinted with a fur brush and from our fursona's eyes. How Otters, Tigers and Sneps (oh my) do things differently. Dogs seem not to be a vocal district in most of chats I participate in (Wolfs are a canid of another degree, as are foxes – and who are quite vocal).

Stickers (at least on Telegram) allow us to punctuate our thoughts as our fursonas instead of with just emoji.

It is a fun, cheap way to get more mileage out of our hobby, and and a way to keep in touch year round, instead of only during the handful of conventions and events we attend.

So, either by social media, or in real life, we continue to fur. It takes us away from “being Human” and maybe puts us in a better place. One at least it offers us a respite from our worries for a little while.

To take a stanza from Forfeiting My Mystique , written by a poet I was just introduced to, Kaveh Akbar:

To the extent I am
necessary at all, I am
necessary like a roadside deer — 
a thing to drive past, to catch
the white of, something
to make a person pause,
say, look, a deer.

Thus, if you see a flash of color, you, too may say look, a furry.

Happy Holidays and remember to give and be excellent to one another.

Now I have to write my letter to Santa Paws about that Quest2 (maybe a 3 if I was a good boy), that I would like.

Giving Thanks
I'm expressing Gratitude this year for what I have had the privilege to Experience and to Name what I Appreciate:

All the Furries I've Interacted With and Some I Haven't
My experience with the Fandom has brought me many fursons with whom I've chatted with on the various platforms, watched them play games on Twitch and sometimes meeting with them in VR, and IRL.
I have chatted with people around the Globe as a Furry, and this is something which I find amazing. Being a gray muzzle, I had a pen pal as a pup and it took weeks for a letter to come.
(No, I didn't chase the mail carriers, but I did pester them with my staking out the post box in anticipation of that envelope with the striped airmail edging and colorful stamps)
Patience was taught in waiting for those letters and for packages to arrive back in the day of "please allow four to six weeks delivery"

The Return of my Muses
I "grew up" in my late 20s and put away my drawing supplies and musical instruments and assumed the role of a breadwinner.
Growing up I was told, means you stop growing -- at least by those who raised me.
After losing almost all of my family, I found a new one by undertaking my life as a dog. I saw it was OK to dance and draw and just be derpy and still be an adult.
I may never be a great artist, but I can sketch and paint my memories and dreams. Kodak moments that were lost or never existed can be put on paper and on screen. I can (to paraphrase Billy Joel) draw me a memory.
This freedom to express myself in something of my very own making out of my imagination has opened a cage door in my mind and given wing to to things that were locked up long ago.

All the Love and Acceptance
No one and no place is perfect, but being in a world that is made up As You Like It (to Quote the Bard) and which has shown me things beyond all of Horatio's dreams and Philosophies is beyond beyond (My English Lit is showing, I know *blushes*) . And while there can be trouble in Paradise, for the most part we play peaceably.

I do not hide my age, and will state the era in which I grew up, without doxing myself. I surprise some of the young pups and kits when I said that I saw the Moon Launch, live, on the television (in the Summer of '69), but I'm just a dog -- albeit long in the tooth -- and I am here just to play, although I will stay on the porch and watch the younger ones run around and I will wag my tail and yip excitedly for them instead of overdoing by running at the back of the pack.

Charlie does have his Nibs though (look it up) who calls us Grandpaw, but I laugh and acknowledge the truth of it. I have suits older than them.

Time for a Second Childhood and the Grace to Use It

Each moment in time is fleeting; you cannot hoard them, only squander them on fruitless pursuits, or choose more wisely.
I am spending my diminishing pile enjoying things that I chose for my very own.

In my youth I ran after my father and brother and did the things they did, and it took forever to realize I wasn't letting little Charlie play as he liked (Little Charlie is my Inner Child), due in part to my being told it was inappropriate, and in part by my fear of failure.

So now if a joke I tell flops, or my drawings are cringe, I can just laugh it off and in the latter case Ctrl-A, Ctrl-X and the slate is wiped clean. I see how brave and willing the people in the fandom are to share what they love -- this inspires me.

In Closing
So a big thank you for all who have inspired me and encouraged me in the Fandom and Out.
As one of my readings in Philosophy stated: Fall Seven Times, Get up Eight.

May You have a Great Day regardless of what is going on and Keep on Getting Up

Just Checking In
It's been mostly on-line activity for the past several weeks: Telegram, Discord, and Twitch.
I also look at FA and read posts by my favorite artists.
I have gotten most of my IRL business taken care of, after several moths of back and forth with the parties concerned over the phone and by mail, It was time consuming and grueling, but now it is squared away.
I have made adjustments to my budget for a bill I have to pay and an increase in my living expenses, but I can still have some fun.

Conventions and Meets 2024
There is a New Jersey convention happening in May (Garden State Fur the Weekend); it is still in the fog of war phase, but it is (atm) going to be in New Brunswick.
I will be attending this one if it does happen.
There are also local Furry events I may attend.
I am also seeing if MegaPlex is a go for next year; it's a far stretch, but I am working on it. It would probably be air travel, and my confidence is not high.

Small Pleasures
I'm almost at the end of my RPG Novel series, He Who Fights with Monsters. I'm on the last book. It kind of makes me want to do D&D again, but the online version is a lot more complex than the old dice and graph paper version. There's also a Werewolf RPG I was looking at, but IDK. Time and inclination. But Werewolfs.

I'm also drawing more, still with pencil and pad, but It's time away from a screen. I spent yesterday reorganizing my art folders on my computer -- I keep all my scans there, and my hybrid projects where I hand draw the sketch and then fix up the lines on the digital scans.

The holidays will probably with the little family I have left, and I don't expect any Furry action until after the New Year.
I might post something or write something, but TBD.
I just have to yap once and while to break the silence.

I'm Slipping
Forgot to report about our Fall Fête at the game emporium. I had some personal business matters to attend to and have finally gotten things sorted.

We had our lovely get together which included a nice buffet, mingling, and fur suiting around the Arcade floor of the gaming establishment.
There were many pictures taken by the onlookers and some games of peekaboo with the littlest ones who weren't sure what to make of us walking talking furs.
Playing a game they knew at their eye level with lots of pantomime set them at ease.

The older teens and younger adults were more of a mixed bag. I had someone pull my tail and that almost caused a wardrobe incident.
I had changed to a single belt that held my tail as well my pants up (I have a partial suit), for a better fit, but it was not as structurally sound.
Fortunately also I wear suspenders, so there were no mishaps or drafts south of the equator (No sightings of London, nor France).

I got to take a few more pictures this time around, but hadn't worked out my phone camera. I have a tripod and a blue tooth remote shutter release. It worked like a charm at home, but was misfiring at the event. Fortunately there was a group photo in which I was looking away from the camera for some reason, but a photographic record in any event.
Since this event was 50 miles away and on a Saturday night, I stayed at a local motor lodge and drove home the next morning.

Staying at Home and Curling Up By the Computer
I'm reviewing what I did last year and I'm not running around as much. It's been full speed ahead at work since about this time last year -- when we received a return to the office order.
There is less down time during the day, and after 8 hours of work computing, I'm ready for more passive entertainment.

I thought I would watch more streams while working, but the workload makes that a non option. After work, I chit chat on Telegram and Discord and watch an early evening stream when it comes up.

I haven't drawn much, and the only idea I had for a story was from a dream placing Charlie in a magical steam punk reality -- which kind of lined up with the book series I am reading before bed, so I don't know if that was fan fiction or a bad burrito.

Is This Trip Really Necessary
FurPocalypse gets underway tomorrow. I was considering attending, before I was hit with a medical bill that is in excess of what I would have spent, so I'm being the bigger dog and staying closer to home. I hope to do a convention 2024, or possibly two; there is supposed to be one in NJ, but I haven't been keeping up, and I am looking at another -- but, unfortunately, I'm not sure if I can swing travel and lodging -- or even the strain of a long distance con by my lonesome.
I have mobility issues and being on my feet for a long time can be trouble and there is no one I can call for an extraction.
I'm working on it. Meanwhile, I enjoy seeing all the other furs playing and will join in where I can.

Rainy Day Activities
I planned to be indoors this weekend, due to a tropical storm, so I had stuff downloaded in case we lost power and Internet (didn't happen), and I did some quiet time activities: art drills and reading.

I like to go back to my drawing pad and pencils and I do my drill and then make little sketches. A lot of it is for my furry art -- either my own, or concepts for artists, like with my stickers. However, I have a Deviant Art account (Also Broaster07) and I stick stuff that is significant to me there -- it is my "digital refrigerator door" only no magnets to hold up the art.

After a lull in the weather, in which I did my marketing and took care of my household affairs, I read a bit of my book, it's volume 5 of "He who Fights Monsters" by Shirtaloon. It's on my Kindle, along with PDF files from Vixyy Fox and Milesy (free plug for those whose works I love) for when nothing else works, along with my ripped Wartime Memories Albums -- perfect for a reread of Reach for the Sky and the furry telling of The Battle of Britain: my favorite time in aviation history -- WW2.

It is a marvel seeing The Few being Furry and I pranam to graue_wolf and Adzeo for giving Vixyy top cover with their art.
And my apologies to the late Charles Shultz and Snoopy, but I prefer Hurricanes over Camels (Although I emulate and resemble Muttley a bit from Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines).
(Sorry, but not sorry, about all the gushing)

How I Furry
Charlie is just a dog, you know, but my having a D&D past, backgrounds stories and the setting of said stories are important to me.

With Vixyy's work and the art of graue_wolf and Adzeo, I felt how paws operated the flight controls of their aircraft and smiled as Lt. Corn had to trim his antlers to get the canopy of his Spitfire to close. (I'm still not sure about how tails peep out -- access port in the trousers?) Couldn't imagine sitting on my tail for a 4 hour CAP flight.

Prior to this, I had many discussions with Milesy over how foot paws worked in relation to shoes and automobiles in their "Little Beirut" world. (They are no longer active, and might have Gone for a Burton)

Charlie is in a similar late 20th century world, akin to Little Beirut, with computers and he rode a motorcycle in his youth. It's sort of Zootopian in nature, maybe more Aggretsuko -- but no Karaoke.

This is my fantasy word and Charlie is not a hero, just a work-a-day dog, unlike many who interject their fursonas into video game worlds.
And, to my extreme pleasure, Charlie recently had a respite in Scanectity's valley getting away from computers for a while in a quiet agrarian world.

Just Living a Life

IRL, I really pushed the fun envelope last night: watched the new Top Gun with my furry adjacent neighbor and then came home (carrying about 500ml of Merlot in my internal tanks) and joined up with my VR mates for our beer pong games. Didn't get to bed til 0:400, but that's what I love a bout a virtual existence -- my rack is 10 meters from my computer desk, so I can be 3 sheets to the wind, hit the head and then snuggle in for some Zeds.

My uploaded VRChat screen capture "Beer Pong with Frens" was last night's romp with my old VRChat mates.
Sadly my Oculus is overwhelmed in larger rooms, but in private instances I can play games and we can have a good chat.

Time marches On
My gaming PC was built in October 2020 and the GPU card is a bit tired; it can't do large VRChat worlds without a drop of frame rates.
I have an original Oculus Quest from that time (Thank you stimulus checks) and it too is long in the tooth.

While I can do most things I do on my existing equipment, but I must replace my VR visor if I want to play virtual games with friends en mass.
Not an easy thing for a dog on a budget, so I must ponder what to do. I have a small meet in October and have just vetoed MFF for December -- but might shoot for Megaplex next year,so I can hug a certain Fen fren.

FundsALow
I'm not in dire straits, I can't overshoot my fun budget.
I really didn't understand the travel aspect of being a furry, so I decided for a more regional and virtual approach -- which has mostly worked out, but there are pangs of wanting a bit more.
I do my books and am fairly diligent, so I won't make any ruinous expenditures, but there are touches of FOMO.

Being Satisfied with What One Has
So while I can't do everything, I sit back in my fairly roomy apartment (a goal from my 20s) and think of all the fun I've had in the Fandom and how I escaped the Second Arrow of suffering by learning how to let go over this past year.
Stoicism and Mindfulness teach lessons I should have learned about a long time ago, but these past 2 years have been my golden opportunity at a proper think, in order to digest my experiences, and accept Life

My Life as A Dog as I portray on the Internet and IRL isn't half bad.

A Day Off
I went to the fur meet scheduled for Asbury Park, and no one showed. I missed the cancellation notice as it was sent after I got on the road.
This was fine. I walked around and looked at everything I wanted to see at my own pace. I was outdoors, on my own, and at a place i haven't been to in 30 years.
I have been working on Mindfulness and paying attention to things that is happening now. Prior to this practice I would have been grumbling about the way the notice was sent; this time, I shrugged it off and decided to just enjoy the day out and take a day off from my worries.

Did not Play the Silver Ball
There is a museum dedicated to arcade games, the Silverball and that was the meetup point of the group. During my stroll down the boardwalk, I peeked in and saw all the games of my youth.
I asked at the counter and it was confirmed a private party was taking over at 6:00 pm. Our group was supposed to play at 5:00 pm. The rate was $17.50 an hour of unlimited play-- which is about as much as I would burned back in my Arcade days (only 3x as much given the value of a dollar in 198??). I smiled when I first heart the name as it is an homage to the rock opera Tommy.

Herding Cats
Truthfully, if everyone would have arrived at 4:00 pm (or even earlier) and played til 6:00 pm and then ate, it would have worked out -- at least in my older, practical eyes, and tired doggo legs.
How many hours of games do you really want to play? I would have walked through and maybe had a go at any old favorites, and been satisfied.

It's funny how easy it is for a group of furs to bail on an event, but not make adjustments to arrive earlier. I 'm sure an hour wouldn't have made a difference.
Also, it goes to show how hard it is to manage a dozen furs. I saw this at the last picnic I went to as well.

I'm not volunteering, mind you, as I do this to escape, but I have one local group leader who is a maestro at logistics -- actually booking a venue, collecting funds (including dunning posts) and doing the setup and cleanup work, whilst the others are just a couple of furs who posts a "hey, let's do a thing." The mental picture of herding cats comes to mine -- and not just felid sonas either XD -- yet people complain about the marshaling of hundreds if not thousands at a venue.

I might throw my hat in the ring, but TBH, I'm an old dog and just getting up the energy to drive to the event and participate is a massive effort for my body and soul. If I was independently wealthy, I would do it for kicks, but so far, the Lottery gods have not given me a boon.

Persona non habitum
So while I took Charlie to the event, he stayed in the car. I did not trust the public venue enough to do portrait shots with my tripod and remote shutter. I use my phone and I am caution about a snatch and grab -- even though everything is password and biometric protected.

To make up for it, I did a double exposure of my tourist selfie and put my fur head over my normal self. I have a face made for radio, but I am getting better at posting actual selfies with trusted individuals.

So ended my day at the beach at the end of the Summer Season, post Labor Day, and it was fun.

Today was my usual chores and putting my doctored photo on FA as a scrap book entry of my furry hobby accomplishments. A weekend well spent.

This is not my normal journal. It is a vent I posted about Twitch and how those striving to become Partners have to overcome the travails of meeting their numbers, keeping their subscribers entertained, and dealing with the in-fighting with the members of the teams they join.

I am inspired to share this on my FA as another VTuber I know is now retiring and that makes two. It looks this might become a geometric progression.

For me, Twitch was something that wasn't another zombie movie or formulaic sci-fi. Watching people game and and share videos, while chatting with them live was a bit of a unique experience and helped keep me connected to humanity. Now that the world has moved past the pandemic (hopefully forever -- but portends are not good) the thing that really got me enthusiastic about the fandom -- Twitch Streaming -- may be on the wane. This is especially true for those who want to remain VTubers and Partners and be on Teams and retain the Laurels of such Achievements. Memento Mori.

Twitch Teams and Drama

I'm wondering if the Post Pandemic world is a factor in furry media declining – partnerships failing and Teams dissolving?

I now have limited time to listen to streams during my working hours and it has been so busy most times I cannot listen to streams at all.

I had to curate and curtail a lot of my listening -- even if it was just a lurk, especially when I'm away from a hotspot (like in my office); as a result, I cut back on subs I was not getting any benefit from.

I know the viewing numbers for partner is high on Twitch, so that is the first bar for a team to clear.

While it's nice to have a united front for a charity and other events, monies can still be encouraged to be sent. One could ask that the donors give their monies to a determined cause name for recognition of their combined efforts.

The rest (building viewership and working towards being a professional streamer) sounds like network marketing – something I experienced in the real world – it is a pressure cooker of a numbers game to play and win.

And it takes a certain Stoic front to be able to contend with the pressures of such activities: Marcus Aurelius wrote about this almost two thousand years ago in Meditations; ““When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. ….”

Drama, unfortunately is part of the world of a social being. Many people identify with their egos and their preferences and become defensive and sometimes offensive if their needs aren't met.

Playing well with others seems to be a skill fewer people are cultivating these days. There seems to be little middle ground -- more like a No Man's Land in-between two positions.

If the bar for and making servers and such are too high, it may require an outside of the box solution.

In conclusion, it may just be an over saturated niche – one where you have to be “on” all the time and find ways crazier and crazier ways (hot sauce challenge, meh) to keep the viewers interested. Like the old song went: 57 Channels and Nothing On.

Dog Days of August

The dog star Sirius rises with the August sun, and the ancient Greeks thought Canis major brought on the Heat.
I've been staying cool indoors chatting on Telegram, and getting ready for my next local furry event. My local group has decided to run a furry pot luck picnic.

No Such thing as a Free Lunch
Figuring out a side dish for 20 has been a bit of a chore. I settled on a Ramen Salad, and am now working on the logistics of delivery and distribution. Since it's produce, it has to be procured and prepped the night before.
I made a test run of the recipe and it' pretty tasty; it's an olive oil and spice dressing over the coleslaw and scallions.
I have dislike for mayonnaise based salads ever since I came down with a bit of food poisoning from an office party years back. I rarely use the condiment and avoid foods made with it.

Food being what it is, it's about $2 per serving, so $40 plus prep time, which would be about 4 hours of working my paws to the bone shopping and then all day in the galley.
I'm exploring getting it catered from a local deli.

[Intermission] Neighbor stopped by for a ride.

Paws and Feet

One of my first furry fiction reads, Little Beirut, had the character Will driving a BMW convertible and buying a pair of shoes on his day off. He also stir fried a meal for himself.
I was designing Charlie and asked the author, Milesy, about what the character's paws and feet looked like -- fortunately they are an artist as well and I got my answers. Still, my 13W feet crowd the gas and brake pedals of my sedan and I can imagine the bigger and wider Anthro feet paws squeezing into the floor pedal space of a vehicle. I guess the ergonomics designers in those worlds create systems to fit a range of paws, claws, and hooves.

I actually started an essay on this subject, but my brain softened a little more than usual in the heat and my writing went off track, so it sits for now, until things cool down.

Staying Cool
A lot of my Telegram friends are also reporting they won't suit again until things cool off a bit as well. I can't say as I blame them.
I'm happy to be able to sit in the a/c and write or watch videos or read with brief trips out as needed, but I promised myself I would make my local small meets in lieu of conventions, so I will brave the heat for that.

There are also rule changes to some upcoming conventions that are causing some other kinds of heat, so I will stay in my corner of the sandbox and play quietly while the young ones sort it out.

Dog Daze, or a White Muzzle's Lament

With the summer heat, this old dog is lazing about in the air conditioning, following chat mates in their comings and goings on social media and have secured my first set of Telegram stickers.

Convention Season is Upon Us.
I watched my fur frens go to and return from Anthro Con. There was Post Con Depression from AC and getting back to work and figuring how to wangle rooms and monies for the next convention to make another notch in their belt. Somehow I'm past that mad desire for moar.

I had two of my little meets thus far, and there are two or three more with a local groups. That may be all for me this year. (There is also a weekly meet and eat, but it is on a work night, so something of a no no for me).

I have to play it one day at a time.

Long term planning isn't my strong suit -- and either my health or other life circumstances seem to get in my way.

Cursed or Gaslit?
In 2021 I attended Furry Delphia and did have plans of attending Midwest Fur Fest -- by catching a red eye train (like a Noir character); however, I turned my ankle badly doing volunteer work and I was unable to attend. If I had pre-purchased a hotel slot, I would have lost out.

Last year I got to go to Anthro Con -- a jewel in the crown of the fandom conventions, but then, in October, I had car troubles and again my MFF money vanished. I had to return to the office and had a tiny fender bender on black ice.

After that, I actually forfeited money I paid for another overnight event, as I got a bit of driving anxiety.

One of my parental tapes is no to laugh too loudly or you will wind up crying. Self fulfilling prophecy?

A Lone Dog on the Mean Streets
I go by myself to these events, so porting my luggage and fur suit even from the car to the hotel room or convention floor is about all I can manage.

The thought of the additional exertion porting my stuff while traversing through an airport terminal or train station, weighs heavy on me (pun intended).
I've been looking for a Sherpa, but they seem not to be on this continent.

Also, I am a dog on a budget, and the thought of the extra costs of having to Uber from the convention center to the hotel (and pay exorbitant prices for a convention hotel room -- should I be so lucky to procure one), have given me cold feet paws.

Looking for Frens in Social Media Places
So I've been trying to find convention buddies to team up with in order to do a convention right, but, truth be told, beyond derping around in fur suit, I'm really not that interested in panels or Raves and I'm ready to call it a night before the young ones start up their evenings. A cocktail or two and a fine meal and then I need my eight hours of sleep.

Writing checks the Body Can't Cash
I think I suited for 10 hours off and on last year, at Anthro Con, over the three days.
When I hit my bed at night, my legs were ready to revolt and run off, if they could have found the means. They did revolt on that Monday morning.

Truly I exhausted my physical capital driving half a day there, standing in the registration line, and then parading about for several hours.

Making more of a Digital Presence
So given my limited abilities in the real world, I decided to ramp up my virtual presence.
I found an artist for my first batch of Telegram Sticker, SJRU. I liked the art from others stickers by the artist in one of my Telegram groups, so I reached out.
We chatted and came up with a caricature of Charlie that suits me, and I chose some emojis that I wanted to express.

I posted the proof sheet and now Telegram Charlie is a thing and I started to interject him into conversations.
Naturally it was a goodly sum (for me) but I'm already happy with the return.

Now to practice some restraint and make sure I don't spend my lunch money on more stickers, like an impudent young puppy at a candy store.

What the Dog Doin?

I went in human guise to a Renaissance fair last month, as well as an Arcade meet. I have a furry meet tomorrow.

I was going to fur suit at the Renaissance fair -- as others of my local group did on a later date -- but I went alone, and I require a handler in a crowd when I'm suiting.
The arcade meet focused on games of chance and skill, not fur suiting, but It was fun to see one member win more points in a few hours than I've ever won ever.

Tomorrow's furry picnic will give me a chance to fur suit with others and hopefully I will get some pictures.
We were almost washed out, but I started an online chant of "rain, rain, go away, don't show up on Saturday" and the clouds burst today instead.

Getting Lost in Books and Videos
As stated, in my last blog, I renewed my Kindle Unlimited, and have been reading a lot. I have been working through Mark Cain's Circle in Hell books, in between and around Mr. Grumble, and Christmas Ghost which I finished, and other works by Thomas Cragg aka Vixyy Fox. I have also been keeping up with my fur comics.

Books and reading, next to food, have always taken my mind off of things and getting lost in them makes me feel better without the weight gain.

Television can pacify to some degree, and I have watched a lot of stuff, but a good read in the quiet hours cannot be beat. As an alternative, I have been listening to Podcasts and audio transmissions which keep me connected with current events and in touch with subjects that are outside of the Fandom which I find enlightening and entertaining.

Social Media Activity

My main focus now is chat on my local furry Discords and Telegram channels, so I can keep abreast of events that I may attend, and so I can keep up with the coming and goings of the members -- some of whom I have become friendly with in our interactions.

Meanwhile, I have been drifting away from VRChat and Twitch streams. Most of the streamers I follow are on when I'm either working or sleeping, or in my quiet hours.

I tried another game night in VRChat, but even in the virtual world I'm more of a watcher than a doer. I keep getting taken out early in team games, so I have chosen not to play.
Exploration worlds are more of my speed instead of PvP. Even putting my visor on is a bit of a chore and I only do it on weekends -- as the software upgrades every time I use it.
Soon my original Oculus will become obsolete and I'm not sure if I will get a more current device.

Some of my local groups are also talking about a virtual or actual board game night, but I'm not sure if I have enough time and energy to invest. A work night IRL event is a no go, and even on line events are on a "we'll see" basis.

Drawing Blanks
I've had no success in finding a sticker artist for Telegram, mainly because I'm not searching much.
One day I'd like to finalize a style and build a collection of stickers.

Redefining Fun
I keep refining my leisure time activity choices to suit my health, mood, and pocketbook, and am getting more satisfaction as a result.
Being a bit of a square peg, I only choose round hole activities that I comfortably fit it, and don't worry about the gaps.

Playing from Home
I'm back to playing from home for the time being. A cold snap and flat tire kept me out of the running last weekend.
Most of my "local" meets are over an hour away and a play date of several hours with two hours of driving in one day is a big check for my body to cash.
I have another suiting event in June, and I may do the same thing I did in March and make it a sleep over at the Hilton. I got a kick out of my last mini vacation want to do it again.

Artist Hunt
I am spending a good bit of time on Furry Telegram keeping in touch with all my local fur frens and a key element in punctuating your posts is stickers. So now I want a sticker version of Charlie and I am choosing what poses / expressions my budget will permit. I hope to find an artist who can work with what I give them to make what I want.

Concept Art
I started drawing again so I can better communicate what I want with my stickers.
I've been doing drills on my sketch pad with a good old #2 pencil and I was able to knock some of the rust off of my drawing skill.
I actually made a color sketch of Charlie drinking coffee as a sticker concept. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52024571/
Like with my reference sheet and my fur suit sketches, my drawing may be worth a thousand words to a real artist.
I like drawing, but I don't have the Muse to do it as much as I did a few years ago, and the thought of home made stickers just make me cringe.

Funny Old Thing, Life
So I am adjusting as to how I have fun in the fandom and am letting go of things that don't work for me.
I find solo travel far away from home isn't something I'm comfortable with -- as I have no Cavalry to ride to my rescue -- so I may pass on out of state conventions this year.
Never Say Never, but I'm just playing it by ear. If I find a con buddy / traveling companion I will revisit trips farther afield, but that takes time.

Ancillary Interests
I've reactivated my Kindle Unlimited and am doing more recreational reading -- mostly light comedic fiction.
I've added this to my Furry comics and fiction to broaden my horizons and have been watching detective dramas on Prime and Netflix and am revisiting old TV series.

New Interests in Gaming
I am also exploring Cooperative multi player games. I am not great at shooters and I can't even master retro video games, so I want to find some kind of games to do with others online or in VR or both that give me some sense of satisfaction.
I am also fascinated by the Khajiit race in Elder Scrolls Skyrim and am seeing how to play it. There are mods, but that is where I start to get confused, confounded and consternated.

Still a Watcher at Heart
So I continue to watch my core group of Twitch Streamers and still Tweet, but avoid most if not all drama.
I just want to play as a dog and enjoy life.

NOT Coming to a Meet Near You
I passed on a furry friendly meet that was a 90 minute drive away tonight.
It's rainy, I've had a tough week, I was on my last nerve, my bones hurt, and I am much happier in Scanectity's valley or in the forest where the Warrior clans live. I also enjoyed a Furry movie. Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank.

Reaching Out and Chatting Them Up
Even though I'm staying at home, I reach out via social media, and I feel more comfortable on the information highway of the Internet rather than the State Highway where people are sprung from cages (yes that highway Springsteen sang about).

My Twitch, Discord and Telegram cohorts add to my being a gaming chair furry. I can play at my leisure and then retire for the night in the comfort of my own home.

Tired Old Doggo
Time marches on, and I can only play in spurts. I was voice chatting with my VR Chat friends last night, but they were on a gaming mission and sallied forth without me.
These open world games all the young ones are crazy for cost too much time for me to invest.
However, I might have stayed up past my bed time looking for Billabies in Tas the Tasmanian Tiger. (I do get so lost on those platform maps, Dog help me if it was free range – I'd be chasing my tail for hours. Walkthroughs are my friend.

Choosing Wisely
My 40 hours of work a week and chores are my main spending of my time and energy..
I wish there was a benevolent author that could add vigor or remove stressors with the stroke of their pen, but I am the author and protagonist of my life and I have but so much ink left in the well.

IF I rest and do self-care I can build up a few drops of ink to add to the pot. Those generated drops I am saving for a meet which occurs in April, much like when I saved my coins as a young pup to purchase some treasure that required weeks of self-denial of candy shop purchases in order to amass such a fortune necessary.

Thinking about my Mentor
These ruminations make me think back 30 years ago when I was fairly young adult, and still had vim and vigor. My mentor and friend was 43 years my senior – so a father figure, or kindly Uncle – and the 10 years I had with him, I saw him slow down gradually and finally decided to go and join the Star Clan (I got Warrior Cats on the Brain). It took a couple of decades for that seed to sprout, but I understand much more clearly now.

Being Kind to Your Gray Muzzled Friend
Respecting your elders was still a thing when I was a pup. Of course respect is a two way street, but I am just happy to watch the young ones run and play for a bit on VRChat as well as in real life, but then it is time to have a lie down.

I'm with you in spirit tonight, frens, as my butt stays planted in my gaming chair. Post your pictures and I will emote and comment lauding you with praise for the fun you are having and I am enjoying through you.

An Old Dog at Play
I attended the Gaming Emporium meet. 63 Fur suiters eating and chatting and then going out on to the game floor and playing the oversized video games that seemed to be just right for paws to control.
I can barely navigate open space with my head on, so I acted as a handler. The little ones (and no so little ones) were excited to see such creatures gaming next to hooman kind and wanted high fives and pictures.
It was a good time had by most -- some were more overwhelmed by the crowds and the numbers, but [tweet] Over the Top and once more into the breach, dear furs!

So many Letters
Games today: TF, FNAF, VHS, DBD, WOW. I guess it's the curse of 140 characters on Twitter, but I have to keep a DuckDuckGo window open to look up all these game acronyms when I talk to my fur frens.
When i was an up and coming pupper only radio and TV stations were know by letters. I guess the first game I knew by shorthand was D&D, but at least that had an ampersand XD
Similarly, Lord of the Rings, which provided inspiration for our graph paper adventures, was known by an acronym: LOTR (pronouced Loater, like boater).
Not that there hasn't been acronyms in other times and places. Growing up in a navy family, the two most famous were SNAFU and FUBAR -- still known to this day.
When I studied accounting, there was LIFO, FIFO, and FISH; Last/In/First/Out, First/In/First/Out and First/In/Still/Here! The last was a joke and a truism.
Naturally computers and all their bits: CPU, GPU, RAM, HD, FD (no longer). There is no longer room for much else in my brain.

Sitting on the Porch and Watching
So I had my meal and met the fursons who were formerly just handles (10-4 good buddy) on Discord and Telegram and Twitter.
After the meal, the young ones wanted to play video games until closing and accumulate tickets. After my two adult beverages and a full stomach, I was ready for bed when they closed the private room.
There were promises of an an after-party, but everyone went with the group or people they were most comfortable with. I was kind of glad, as I didn't want a ruckus at my hotel room and loose my membership points. No one wanted to meet for breky the next morning.

Back of the Pack
In the group photo, which I may post, I am in the back row. I used to be taller but my shrinking six foot frame is smol and I was towered over. Maybe I hunch under the weight of my head?
I have stated I am a background character, as I don't have the energy for pantomime performances or dancing or slapstick like the younger ones do. This is fine.
i was commended for playing at all, instead of being another curmudgeon tsk tsking.
I am happy just watching and being in the periphery.
I may not do much but walk about and wave and join in for group photos, but my old four-legged canine friend did little as well and I follow his lead in my senior years (although I did just get off of 30 minutes of Beat Saber)

Until Next Time
So the questions of what cons are you going to came up. TFF? FE? AC? FD? MFF? Again, so many letters and so much travel and so much money.

Everything In Moderation
Being a dog of little means, local travel is about as much as I am going to do. Plus there are real world considerations.
This is OK. I may do another local event and maybe a local con.
I have to check with the exchequer before another lordly sum is spent.

Keeping the Homefires Burning
I have resumed my chatting on social media outlets, I may do some VRChat group game play, and I might find a group game to play as long as it is causal.
One day, Should I decide upon a far away convention, I might have furbody to go with.
There are always queries about who is going somewhere. Perhaps I will raise my paw and answer Me!

Was kann ich tun?
Song by one of the artists I listen to, Patty Gurdy, and as it sounds "What can I do" in German.
As I write, I am waiting for building maintenance to show up and do some work on my shower -- replace a valve, and fix a leak in the drain.
It's IRL stuff and is the tip of the iceberg; the building I live in is old, and there are other issues which need to be addressed.
The rent is cheap -- which is where my budget is at -- so I have to go along with what is (as much as I hate that phrase).

This is why I don't like survival games like DBD, VHS, and Zomboid: my real life is kind of a survival game right now.

There are no clerics or magic users to give me a healing potion, no dungeon diving to find treasure, no easy levels to grind at to build up stats, nor any resets.
The monsters I face, and what I escape from are in the real world so when I enter chats and watch streams I look for happy.

Spoke to maintenance. They fixed the easy part and wanted to schedule the harder bit. Naturally they wanted to come, possibly, when I am going away for a local Furry gaming event -- an overnight birthday treat for me. They were flexible and said we could work around it.

Sometimes if you talk gently to the monster, it doesn't kill you.

Furry Games?
If you caught the teaser in my rant above, Yesh! I am going to a gaming emporium, where we have a private room to run around in fur suit, have good foods, play the video games that the emporium has to offer and drink a bit. I rented a room so I wouldn't have to drive after my play date. I can sleep in, visit a diner I haven't been to in three years (since i moved) and meet people on a Fur Group Telegram I've been chatting with for over a year. I'm excited! My new Furry ID badge I commissioned came in, so I can wear that when I go.

Strategizing
I have a small fun budget and while the situation has changed for the better (I am able to work from home now). I still have to squirrel that money away for car repairs / replacement.
Thus I have chosen to go local fur events and spend less than on one or two sleep away cons.
I go solo, so I have no support if I get caught short far afield, so am trying to build inroads, so one day I may have some con buddies.
I do have my eye on Furpocalypse in CT, maybe, as it is close enough as to where I could get aid from family if I have a health issue and need a rescue.
Furry Delphia has been removed from my list as I do not like the location. MFF is going to take some wangling.
Beyond that, airfare, transport and lodging is too much without extensive savings and a cooperative trip with people I don't know yet.

Time is Not on My Side
As I proclaim everywhere, I am old AF; a gray muzzle in chronological years but only 3 years old in the fandom.
I have health issues, and I may just resume a virtual existence in the fandom, but I went for broke, got a partial, and I'm gonna use it where and when I can.
I'm a kid at heart, but in the winter of my years. Old doggo bones don't lie.
This is my second childhood and I'm treating my inner child to the fun that was denied me, and friends I could not make when I was a pup due to circumstances.

So I am doing my furry thing my way; I'm suiting where I can, chatting it up, watching and cheering and giving bits and support to those who bring me joy and am Living the Moment.

I was of part of the "Don't trust anyone over 30" generation [cough cough], but I am one now [over 30] and have been for quite some time.
Discovering the Fandom has given me a new perspective and kind of uncarved my block (Zen thing) in ways I never expected before Covid.

It cost me a place, as my old friend couldn't tolerate my new hobby and the lifestyle there in, so i had to move, but I am free now for however long it lasts.
As Jim Morrison sang "The Future is Uncertain/The End is Always Near"

Furry News
I attended the meet and eat last Saturday; it was fun actually being with Telegram Fur frens -- some I've seen before and some not.

We laughed and chit chatted, each sharing things that meant something to them for us to enjoy. That is the meaning of a meet.

I've also paid for my next meet, in March, which is a suiting event at a gaming emporium, with some people I've seen and some I've only interacted with over the Internet.

It is a birthday treat for me, so I've rented a room that I can return to for a rest before heading back home (local travel of 100 miles for me). I will also put in for PTO to take off Monday, so I can have an extra recovery day.

I also got a Gift art from Peacewolfactual; it was her style of Charlie, and very nice. He's looks like the younger dog I thought I was. It made me think about getting Telegram stickers again.

I am shifting back to a more virtual fandom presence; I love my local group meets, but the big cons are too much of a cost in money and effort for me, given the ROI.

I might do another regional one, but I'm still not financially recovered from my car expenses.

Being a Gray Muzzle (chronologically, at least) I have to choose wisely with my limited time, energy, and money; I have some years left to enjoy the fandom, but am a poor dog and have to put IRL stuff first sometimes.

Furry World Thoughts.
I am half way through Scanectity Skunk, by Vixyy Fox, and the home spun humor of the peaceful valley in which these furs live pleases me no end.

I love that there are no superheros or magic, or even swords -- only plowshares. I know it's not exciting, and in my first 30 years, I would only have had a limited stomach for it (it reminds me of sitting at my elder's knees and hearing the tales of their youth), but it is a most pleasant meal in my early winter years.

Somehow seeing Avatars and Skins of Furs in FPS and Survival / Zombie type games only has a limited appeal to me.

I guess it is due to the fact that my old bones have suffered slings and arrows, and I don't want to see it in graphic details -- only in fun form, like in platform gamers like NSLT or Ty the Tasmanian Tiger, or Ratchet and Clank.

Without spoiling things, much, a main character was at deaths door, and I was scared and heartbroken, but the magic of the written word saved her in a supernatural way.

I am so glad she lived to see another day.

I am doing my best to enjoy each day I am give, as I lost many of them not knowing how to do so.

Still here.

These old doggo bones are being ground into bread by my commute to work; 300 miles / wk
Trying to transfer, trying to get my work from home back in place.

On the Furry Front:
I got a new non-con badge commissioned from JustAKat: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/justakat/
My old artist isn't drawing anymore and I wanted to age Charlie up to an older dog -- like me.
I am also considering cosplaying my Lynx side, inspired by BabyStar's character's dad in Shine.
I love the Lynx stickers I use on Telegram and have not found a doggo set quite as expressive; Charlie is a kind of derpy, so IDK.

Meet and Eat
Going Saturday to a local eatery with a local fur group from Telegram. No suiting, but IRL meet with furry frens.

Found an old / new Fav:
Someone mentioned furry nose art on a/c, like in WW2 and I mentioned "Reach for the sky" by vixyyfox

https://www.furaffinity.net/user/vixyyfox/
I did not know the author had an FA; what a treasure trove. Really worth a look.
Just gushing over all the good stories and art and pictures on their page.

Sick Day
I ran out of gas; had the wobblies and took a real sick day today; hence my earlier posting time.
I'm a little more rested, but hated to burn PTO, but sometimes the body just has to rest.

Happy New Year
I spent the New Year in VRChat with frens again. It's my new tradition and I find it much more enjoyable than being in a press of people and dealing with drunks fact to face. Don't get me wrong, I like a drink myself, but past getting sloppy drunk.

I was going to go out and fursuit to ring out the old year, but I wanted to get home. Still a 90 minute drive -- even without heavy traffic. I did stop and have a drink with some Elks.

Furry Business
There are some local meets coming up. A meet and eat at the end of the month, a Dave and Busters Meet where we can fursuit, and possibly a Slot Car meet.
I am commissioning a furry baseball cap to cover my thinning hair and to act as a base for my headband Clifford ears.
I may also be commissioning a new badge from a local starving artist. They need the work and I want an older, Chonkier Charlie.

I can't identify as a sleek young dog as much as I want to. I've tried to drop some of the pounds I've put on, but I'm not inspired enough to exercise and I still stuff my feelings.

It's a telework day tomorrow, and then an in the office day Wednesday. I am going to put in for a transfer to the closer office sooner rather than later.
I've decided to make a life down here and I have some Local fur groups to have fun with.

Haven't done any drawing since my Sherlock Hound studies. Too busy with IRL and not feeling the best.

Furless Xmas

I had Xmas with my normie family, and had the usual talk about the unsavory aspect of the Fandom.
My "elder" cousin got miffed when I asked for a "doggy bag" for all the scraps and when his SIL asked who had a dog, I barked and did paws up in a begging pose XD.

Too Hecking Bad.
He flies model airplanes and cries sour grapes about my joining the Fandom over being his flying buddy.

Furry Toons
I love my Anthropomorphic cartoons and my fursona. Right now I'm catching up on old Sonic The Hedgehog cartoons after binging on Sonic Prime on Netflix.
I really like the Characters as much as Sherlock Hound; Princess Sally is drawn UwU in an innocentish manner.

I'm learning to draw in Sherlock Hound (TBS/RAI) style and may use that for Charlie Telegram sticker.

Back to a Virtual Fandom
I had some financial setbacks and spend my convention money on car maintenance. I belong to a couple of local fur groups, hopefully the new year will allow me to attend some local meets and maybe a convention. Overnight lodging, hotels, are what kills it for me, along with single travel; I was hoping to find some con buddies, so far, not yet. Meanwhile, social media and VR are pretty much going to be my fandom life.

Still an Outlier
Despite my advanced years, I am only in my third year in the fandom; I am still catching up on platform gaming, cartoons, and watching tons of anime.
I play in a SFW environment and don't want to do ERP or even RP. I can only play in 45 minute blocks weekdays, and maybe a couple of hours on the weekends and holidays.
I have to get up early so I'm in bed earlier than when I was in high school.

Old dog / A Cautious Role
Being an old dog, IRL, I am more reserved on splurging for stuff and running to meets than the youngsters.
To quote a Greatest Generation Poster: Is this Trip Really Necessary?
I don't want to get caught short by overspending on my fandom hobby. My car maintenance and job attendance are more important than regional runs for bowling or mini-golf meet that my bones don't like to do anyhow.

Been there Done that
I don't want to load up my apartment with merch that will only be thrown away in 10 years or so. I did this twice in my life when I moved (including all my model airplane stuff from when I was a kid -- outdated and dilapidated), and my final moves may only allow me a few tchotchkes and whatever digital access I will have for my FA and DA scrapbooks and my social media accounts.

Eat, Sleep, Play
Given my mental health and physical health, I may not be able to run around with the young pups and kits, but I can appreciate their play and comment on them on Telegram, Twtich and other platforms.
I joined a Discord fren for a VRChat on Friday, but I was worn out after harrowing bad weather day and the Anxiety attack it triggered, and was mostly mute in room.
I spent Saturday indoors recovering and playing quietly, including doing my Sherlock Hound studies, then I did my adulting.
Today I am getting myself back into getting back to work. Lunches made, clothes ready, car fueled up.

Next Week, Another Year. TBD what will come, but hopefully more opportunities to play and enjoy life.

My Convention-less Vacation

What I did on my Vacation
This was MFF weekend, and I was supposed to go, but a change in work scheduling, auto maintenance, and my own physical and mental health had me not go to MFF.
During the convention days, in addition to some medical stuff and a visit with some relatives, I did as much fur play as I could.

I had a few voice chats on top of my usual chatter on Discord and Telegram.
I watched and cheered one of my Twitch streamers two nights in a row.
I played on VRChat and finally learned how to control the a/c on the Test Pilots world.
I am playing New Super Lucky Tales

In addition, I did my drawing exercises and did a sketch from my of Billy from Milesy's Little Beirut world.
https://www.deviantart.com/broaster.....illy-939802165

I am a doggo of modest means and all my convention savings went into my car, but I am doing by best not to whine about it.

Maybe I tried to fly too high, but I'm back to my operational ceiling right now.

Scaling Back
I've been hit with a lot of IRL expenses for my car -- related to my having to commute 3x a week to the office.
These maintenance / repair costs have eaten my MFF money. Furthermore, I'm tired.
I plan to save up for Furry Delphia next year or another local con
I also have my local fur groups with whom I chat with on Telegram and Discord.

Voice and Virtual Chats
I met up with my old crew for a Friday night world run. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49902369/
I also did some voice chatting in Discord.

Meeting up with my online frens via voice or in VRChat means more to me than conventions and are on par with local furs meetups.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49902491/

My new work situation is taking away some of my fun, but I'm making up for it where I can.

Trick or Treat!

So excited! I got to go fursuiting on Halloween.
It was a simple mall walk with another suiter and some others from a local fur group I met on Telegram, but it meant more to me than a convention.

As I wrote in prior journals, I've had to put my convention money into my car (now $1,000; that would have just about covered airfare and a room for the weekend); however, I have to adult myself and my priority is to keep my car running, so I can commute to work to make money to do stuff and have a roof over my head and noms to eat.

I am also happy that I just matter-of-factly tell my workers I am a furry. I showed a coworker my my Halloween photo https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49656238/ and my Anthro Con photos.

That's about it for now. Just sharing the happy.

Out of Order
My Furry Time and budget has been seriously reduced.
I am not attending MFF this year or any other long distance events.

I have work stuff, car stuff, and health stuff going on. Putting out $600 this week on the car.

I hope to make a local meet with some local Furs, but other than that, my playtime has been drastically reduced.

I am driving 3+ hours a day back and forth to my job; I can't watch streams from work, and I only get about 3 hours each night -- half of which is to prepare for the next day at work.
Hopefully I can telecommute or get my work from home permission going again.

I have not forgotten you, my fandom friends, but life matters are pressing for now.

Hope to be more active again soon.

Charlie Dunbar / Broaster07

Happy SpookTober

IRL problems are still haunting me:
I've not been able to secure my continuance to work from home, so I'm getting ready to start commuting again.
In preparation, I revised my budget so I will not be attending MFF this year. My car maintenance / replacement fund has to be increased exponentially, pretty much cutting out any major (over $100) fun money events.

Fortunately I have found some local furs and I am going to an event next Saturday. I am making it a day trip (65 miles one way, doable), instead of quintupling my expenses with a hotel room.
Even hotels along the way are insanely priced for the weekend and I am not paying extortion money. A night's stay is half of my car fund for the month.

So, I am playing closer to home and am considering getting some Telegram stickers and maybe even Nitro for Discord so I can play in virtual arenas.
One of the biggest things is how I want Charlie drawn in a caricature style, and then some Little Charlie stuff may be commissioned.

TBH Travel wiped me out driving to Anthro Con, so I am not keen on sleep away cons. We shall see when I get situated going back to my office.

I have been playing Ty the Tasmanian Tiger I got on steam and am enjoying it immensely. It feels like Ratchet and Clank the first time I played that.

So I am doing my best to enjoy my little pleasures, Accepting what I NEED to Do to keep my job (which keeps me afloat) and trying not to fall to pieces.
I'm not always successful and when I'm not, I grow quiet and fall off the furry grid for a few hours to days.