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Posted 16 years agoYesterday morning, the husky had to pop in to work for a bit, so I had him drop me at The Ledges while he did his stuff. This gave me some time to hike, climb (NOT FREE CLIMBING, husky! I swear!) and just enjoy the scenery. Out on the one overlook (approx. 40 foot drop, small opening that didn't have cell towers or buildings in view) I sat down for about an hour to think.
I thought about my life; where it was, where it is now, and where I want it to be someday. I thought about the husky and I. I thought about the direction my bad (and good) choices have led me. I also made some decisions. These aren't like the ones that you and I are faced with each day, but the ones that can change a life if they are done properly.
1) I'm going to quit gnawing my claws to stubs. The climbing (but not free climbing as I promised!) today made my fingertips hurt. Plus, it looks ucky.
2) I'm quitting smoking. After smoking for 16 years, I'm giving it up. My chest hurt today, I could barely catch my breath, and it hurt to cough. The cigs have to go.
3) I'm going to get more excersize. See the above about the chest/breathing/so on. 25 foot...uh...walk (if I can put both my paws on it, it's not climbing! >_>; ) had me panting like a...well...husky pulling a sled. I didn't like it. When I was younger, I used to climb and cave with no problem. Yeah, I know, I'm getting older, but that was just ridiculous. Time to no longer be a fatkat. I weight 215. By the end of summer, I plan to hit every park in Summit Co. at least once. I also plan to hike the entire Cuy. Valley National Park trail system, plus some off-trail hiking. I enjoy hiking and the outdoors, so it'll be good excersize. I plan to come down to at least 190 by the end of summer. That's just 25 pounds, but that alone can make a difference.
4) I know I have some emotions and such that need to be bridled. One of those is my fear of trusting someone. It seems like when I put my full, unchecked trust in someone, it gets blasted away. It's hurt me before, and I know that a part of life is that it'll hurt me again. But, I know that it's just the way life is, and I need to place trust in people to a degree, but even more so in those who I like and want to develop things with. I've had my heart broken in the past, but I cannot...WILL NOT...let that dictate how I treat others. It's going to be hard to control those feelings, but simply stepping back before acting upon those emotions will keep me from hurting my friends and loved ones.
I just thought of a 5) I won't be so damn clingy. It's the trust thing, I know this, but wanting someone to be close can push them away, too. As I did in the past, I can't push someone to love me anymore than they do. It has to come naturally or else it's destined to fail miserably and cause them to disrespect, even to resent you for it.
Now for a little deeper insight...
...I come off as a know-it-all. I know I do (how's that for ironic?). But, if someone knows something, and it's right...and they are asked for that opinion, then how can someone be mad at that person for it? I've done quite a bit in my life, and learned alot of things in my 31 years on this planet. Moreso, if I don't know an answer to something, rather than give a "Well, I don't know this, so I'll just ask someone.", I find out. I go to the library, or turn to the internet for the answer. I practice it (if it's a skill set) or commit it to memory. If someone asks for an answer, don't get mad at them when they give it to you off the top of their head. More than likely they've had that same question/situation and the answer worked for them, so don't get mad at them for solving your problem for you.
I thought about my life; where it was, where it is now, and where I want it to be someday. I thought about the husky and I. I thought about the direction my bad (and good) choices have led me. I also made some decisions. These aren't like the ones that you and I are faced with each day, but the ones that can change a life if they are done properly.
1) I'm going to quit gnawing my claws to stubs. The climbing (but not free climbing as I promised!) today made my fingertips hurt. Plus, it looks ucky.
2) I'm quitting smoking. After smoking for 16 years, I'm giving it up. My chest hurt today, I could barely catch my breath, and it hurt to cough. The cigs have to go.
3) I'm going to get more excersize. See the above about the chest/breathing/so on. 25 foot...uh...walk (if I can put both my paws on it, it's not climbing! >_>; ) had me panting like a...well...husky pulling a sled. I didn't like it. When I was younger, I used to climb and cave with no problem. Yeah, I know, I'm getting older, but that was just ridiculous. Time to no longer be a fatkat. I weight 215. By the end of summer, I plan to hit every park in Summit Co. at least once. I also plan to hike the entire Cuy. Valley National Park trail system, plus some off-trail hiking. I enjoy hiking and the outdoors, so it'll be good excersize. I plan to come down to at least 190 by the end of summer. That's just 25 pounds, but that alone can make a difference.
4) I know I have some emotions and such that need to be bridled. One of those is my fear of trusting someone. It seems like when I put my full, unchecked trust in someone, it gets blasted away. It's hurt me before, and I know that a part of life is that it'll hurt me again. But, I know that it's just the way life is, and I need to place trust in people to a degree, but even more so in those who I like and want to develop things with. I've had my heart broken in the past, but I cannot...WILL NOT...let that dictate how I treat others. It's going to be hard to control those feelings, but simply stepping back before acting upon those emotions will keep me from hurting my friends and loved ones.
I just thought of a 5) I won't be so damn clingy. It's the trust thing, I know this, but wanting someone to be close can push them away, too. As I did in the past, I can't push someone to love me anymore than they do. It has to come naturally or else it's destined to fail miserably and cause them to disrespect, even to resent you for it.
Now for a little deeper insight...
...I come off as a know-it-all. I know I do (how's that for ironic?). But, if someone knows something, and it's right...and they are asked for that opinion, then how can someone be mad at that person for it? I've done quite a bit in my life, and learned alot of things in my 31 years on this planet. Moreso, if I don't know an answer to something, rather than give a "Well, I don't know this, so I'll just ask someone.", I find out. I go to the library, or turn to the internet for the answer. I practice it (if it's a skill set) or commit it to memory. If someone asks for an answer, don't get mad at them when they give it to you off the top of their head. More than likely they've had that same question/situation and the answer worked for them, so don't get mad at them for solving your problem for you.
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