Seems I'm still here. Jesus apparently didn't get the memo lol

I went to school today. we are currently in exam schedule <got til monday to leave this hell-hole!>

Today happens to be 2nd and 3rd period exams.

I DON'T HAVE THOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've just been in the library piddling my paws on a computer. Sure, i typed up a data sheet for  familymustelidae which is actually a plan i respect highly. <info, active and interactive group, media notices, just a heck of a lot of things that a group ought to do> <But this is FA, full of lazy peeps. Luckily there are a few individuals that are helping out the founder, but we need more support>

Bored ferret is bored.

Can't bring a backpack/bag to school so i didn't bring coloring pencils...
<really wants to color http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5774373 , http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5774363 , http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5769580 , http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5763739>

I brought my stuffed Red panda to school though, so i guess i don't really have an excuse. Her name is Lady Fulgens. She sat on my shoulder as i walked around >w<

[edit] I'm gunna change my avatar again. I'm gunna try to make it a prinny, but comp may not let me lol
[[edit]] Comp didn't like it, even when i changed the dimensions and file type and shtuff. So instead, i give you Count Malt. He's an old scrabbit. :3

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Track-Animal-Energy-After-Pet-Loss-Over-the-Rainbow-Bridge-Into-RE-Life-Through-Reincarnation&id=6160710

This is a nice thought, pet re-incarnation, but i think some people are going a tad too far.....

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2355039/

Jack kinda needs more spots, i believe 9/50 slots are filled. :/

Help him run his contest so you can possibly win some free art~~~

Win/win situation, ain't it?

You can do eet!

change my avatar every week for a little while.

With Phantom Brave came a digital art disc that i could just save all the images from. So imma gunna make some my avatar. =3

***Hint, Hint, Hint: If you play Disgaea, you may recognize a few of them***

First is Laharl.

Being semi-rejected <i'm not harboring any bitterness or bad feelings or anything, it just wouldn't realistically work out at the moment>, I am now looking.

But being looking on this site is going to present the same problem. So, am i really looking? I don't think so. And there ain't anyone at my school i'd ever want to date, so, i am back to Single (closed) It seems.

<sigh> X3

I just date my giant stuffed otter then. >:3 Muahahah! He's a great listener lol

PERFECTION!

My new stuffed otter, Chris, is perfect in almost every way. =33333

He's 30" of pure awesomeness and love and adoration and all kinds of sweetness. <Bandit has been replaced by Chris as my bed companion>

I like him almost as much as the real one X3

I stole this from like five people, not gunna list them all

Currently, my Fursona, or Main OC is: a ferrety ferret. But, I'm giving you the power to choose for me, because I'm curious what people identify me with!

Please let me know the reasons why you chose the new Fursona for me. Is it because it matches my personality? How I look? How I act?

Copy and paste this into your own journal with the headline "I'm a _____, but..." to see what people would say of you.

I made one. If you feel the need to friend me, or want, or slight desire, then go ahead. Link is on my profile page.

yeah.

- - -The worst part of depression is the morning after, and you find that nothing has gotten better.

- - -Also, i think having to put a smile on when you aren't happy.




Btw, Person who knows what i'm talking about, I can't say i'm sorry, because i really don't feel sorry whatsoever. If you ever want to text or note me, i'll be able to explain it on a better form than a journal.

https://youtu.be/0BpquDZEyUI
https://youtu.be/riH6cz6fsxA

3rd_Ash - - -> 5
1st_Chris - - -> 10
2nd_Nate - - -> 7
4th_James - - -> 4
5th_Maximus - - -> 2
6th_PhillyMcNabbers Jollyhopkins Quirkymugmuffin - - -> 0


My new stuffed otter shall be named Chris =3

<Dances, gots my friendly-memory otter name now>

<Just has to get to the Zoo sometime to buy it X3>

Hypothetically, If you liked someone, and weren't sure if they liked you back, what would you do/have done?

Hypothetically.

https://youtu.be/ePSZcF8yhkE

Who wants to do the no pants dance with ferret? l3

I'm going to let Furaffinity decide what my new Stuffed otter's name will be. :3 It's going to be a constant reminder of the friends and family i've come to love on this site. I really think i've found my bestest friends from this site, and i want to honor that with this humble survey.

Here are the choices, but if you really want to write in a new name, you can write that and hope others see that name and like it better.

_Ash - - -> 5
_Chris - - -> 10
_Nate - - -> 7
_James - - -> 4
_Maximus - - -> 2
_PhillyMcNabbers Jollyhopkins Quirkymugmuffin - - -> 0

I'll keep a current tally whenever i get on, I'll be asking friends and stuff too. I promise I'm not biased in this X3

I found an ink pen, and is getting better at it. :D <Is wondering who ever thought that inking fur was a good idea> <ish soooo hard for ferret, i just dash some lines and is amazed when it looks decent>

I think he's gone for good this time...

I'm just gunna say some stuff, there really isn't a theme here. so yeah. fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3Js3HSJQmE
Pawpets be rappin' X3 This made me laugh a ton

I recently aquired some money from my rich PawPaw <granddad> And I'm gunna buy a giant otter plushie =3 I dunno what i'll name him though, Maybe Peeps can vote on names or something, that way i'll always be reminded of you guys and gals <sweet music plays>

I've recently affirmed that i am, in fact, a dork.

I'm going to prom with a lesbian with the same irl name as me :3 She thinks furries are WEIRD, but she makes an exception with me. :33 I annoy her with my coloring sometimes :333

I'm not sure if i'm being biased or not, but i think i'm getting better at coloring. I need to get better colored pencils. Those Crayola Twistables have excellent results from my art friend. <We draw and color during Economics lol>

I like chocolate mousse. I remember having it at Applebee's awhile ago, and i've recently had a hankering for it again. <It sooo good and filling =3>

I think i've been temporarily turned "off". Yiff isn't interesting me. Like, my "weasel" gets turned on, but my mind is saying "no". I mean, nothing wrong with this, just getting disinterested again. I'll probably get back to my normal horny levels in a week or so, which isn't very high to begin with lol

I've realized the past few days i've been journal spaming. I should stop doing that. Back to one or two journals a day for ferret. :3

I'm tapped for journal ideas atm, so i'm just gunna stop. I'm bored.

PFA over~

My joystick on my MP3 player is for the most part unusable... It hurts my finger to change the song...

So, after some finger pain, It's basically just on Random with my massive megawolf77 playlist. Sure, volume may be a fator, but oh well, I got all i need.

I would like another mp3 player though... One without a joystick, preferably.

I didn't get to see the banner :c

But now i'm obsessed with that song c:

This is what is playing on loop in heaven. X33

Stolen from & x3

Answer and post results below:
1
who are you?

2
are we friends?

3
when and how did we meet?

4
would you kiss me?

5
describe me in one word

6
what was your first impression of me?

7
what reminds you of me?

8
if you could give me anything what would it be and why

9
how well do you know me?

10
are you gonna repost this and see what i say about you?

11
would you meet up with me in real life?

12
if we met up, is there was one thing you would want to do with me, and why?

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/furryawards/

I think if Enough people actually partake in this, it could be a lot of fun. ^w^

Give them a watch, and wait for more news, i suppose X3

BTW, You know I'm going to enter Megawolf77 as Best musician. Step aside, FoxAmoore, you already sell CD's X33333

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2062256/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5611599

I am back to a sole Megawolf77 fan. Way better than Kitsune^2/renard/klippa/mayhem i can't even tell who is who thanks to all his feat. titles.

I think his transitions suck sometimes. MW77 never has that problem.

yeah, no X3 or jokes or anything...

I've been getting increasing bitter and blank. Blank best describes me right about now. This Blank-ness, i feel it's worse than feeling empty, because i at least know I'm feeling emotionless. Blank, as defined by ferret.

"Blank- Absence of understanding feeling"

This isn't angst, or turmoil, or mood swings, or crying myself to sleep. I, i just don't don't understand why i feel a certain way at any given moment anymore. I'll be happy about something, but not understand why. I'll feel a wave of sadness and longing, but not truly understand why. I can point to a reason, but it's just a simple answer. Nothing deep, as it deserves.

So, "Blank" is something you may see more often. Ever since two weeks ago, I've come to terms with "Blank". I just don't understand anymore...

Therefore, I'm not depressed. Don't worry about me too much, I won't go for depression or cutting or suicidal or any of that crap. I'm just at a loss. There's a hole in my heart, and i don't know when it will ever be filled.

James, I did love you with all my heart and soul, no doubt about it. My times with you were truly and utterly the best I've ever had. I'm sure I'll look back years from now, and still be proud that you were my first boyfriend. However, that time is over. I've been cruel and unfair to you as of late, and that isn't fair to you at all. You deserve so much better than me, and you need to see that. I'm great at times, but I think I'm a permanent "best friend" to people closest to me... This blankness and emptiness comes and goes, and my depression was too crippling to you. I never want to see that happen again, so this is for the best.

When we separated <the true time>, I felt like you already handled it, and that you were fine and dandy about it. I have since been enlightened, but that was misery to me. The thought that plagued my mind was "How could you possibly transition from soulmates to friends so easily?" And maybe that is what brought all those horrible thoughts and bitterness toward you. I don't know exactly, but that is the best explanation i can give. I'm sorry I'm so flawed in this way, but it would continue and get worse and worse if i didn't write this out. I did listen to the song you sent me. However, once i realized that i didn't shed a single tear, or felt anything from it, I knew finally what had happened to me. I'm reverting back to the way I used to be, shallow. My emotions are going back to being skin deep. Blank.

This last week, as hard as it was for you, it was necessary. I didn't see results until this morning, truly. I feel like I'm getting closer to this understanding, but that may never come to me. I don't ask for forgiveness from the way i've been to you, I couldn't possibly do that to you, but know that I feel sorry. If there was any other way, I would have sought it. But, in my heart, i knew this was the appropriate response to "the situation". The first day was hard, but after that my days seemed shallow waters, but it was better than drowning. I don't think my mind will let me drown. I seem to cope with emotions by shutting them off. You, Ari, and Lena have slowly, but surely broken them down, and i don't want those efforts to go to vain.

I'm will continue to contemplate my emotions further and further until i reach that understanding. I owe you three that much.

P.S. Kitty, thank you for putting up with me over the past few days. I must have seen like a roller coaster. Helping you, needing help, then repairing the damage i did. Looking back, i don't know how I've been able to function that way throughout my life.


<This was more for my sake than anyone else, really. If i wanted to make this perfect, i'd never get it done. Take it as it is, heart-pouring-out-ness>

PFA over. Have a nice rest of day.