We are in Shark Week now and I barley done anything this whole year. Actually, since a couple years ago, ever since I started working on a new job that is 12 hours a day. At first I thought I could pulled through, but as time went on, it's been draining me heavily to the point I just don't want to do anything but lay down and rest. While doing that, my mind will go crazy about wanting to do something but my body has small energy for me to get up and do something. What is more annoying is I am getting problems sleeping again where I have to force myself to sleep early or else my mind will go off and spiking my anxiety once awhile. How does that happen I have no freaking idea. To try to make this short, this job is draining me so bad, I barely done any art work, done a few SFM stuffs, and I couldn't enjoy stuffs even on my days off. Every day I wake up and head to work, come back to shower, watch TV (play games for awhile sometimes) then go to sleep. Rinse and Repeat until my 2 or 3 days off, whenever I do have enough energy I go do something, but it stresses me out because how days go by faster and faster to the point I feel like I can't do much for my life. I wake up like around 4 or 5 in the morning, clean around for a bit, eat breakfast then do life, in a blink of an eye later it's already 10 AM, then afternoon, then 5 PM and so forth and realize I gotta go to work 12 hours straight for 2-3 days, come home with barely time for myself and get ready for the next day.
That's another thing, this is also really fucking up my ability to sleep that I had to take melatonin sometimes, even that works 50/50 to my favor. I struggle and struggle to sleep only to wake up feeling like shit and had to go to work, and feel the anxiety wanting to come back to bite me in the balls to ruin me for a few days.
Man I miss being in the 20s where I can enjoy life whenever I can, sleep whenever I can and wake up whenever without giving a flying fuck. I may have been through so much family drama, work-releated stress and depression but at least I DO have plenty of time for myself and DO enjoy them, now that feeling is just not there anymore. Maybe it's my life choices, or just me in general, I dunno...
I just need a break for awhile and enjoy what I do without all the worries and anxieties punching me every time lol
Just a dumb personal rant, it's nothing really.

And it's in my apartment right now lmao
Yeah, it is freaking amazing to see such an old console that is not Atari nor NES in store waiting to be bought. Lucky me I saw it and got immediate interest in it~
The guys tested it out before I buy it and holy crap it's amazing to see it running.
I was born in 1993 and my first videogame console was the Super NES, but I got so much interest into old video game consoles that were made before I was born. Love how they look, how they sound and how they played! I even have some few old consoles: Atari, NES, N64, PS1 and 2 and others.
All except Sega lol, but I hope to get some because I remember seeing Sega Master System at the store where I bought the Vectrex
Here's what it looks like:
https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.b...../3lrgnfkkcv22w
And I might stream it next week, not today since I gotta focus on IRL stuffs before I head back to work this weekend. Follow me there for stream announcement

And I forgot to make a journal about it until now D:
But yeh, I had my 5 day vacation at Minneapolis and it was pretty fun~
Finally get to have a break from work, staying at my apartment all the time and enjoy being somewhere else for a bit.
But I'm back, time to resume business as usual~

FA is still down, well read-only mode.
Until the whole site comes back to full function follow me on BlueSky!!
https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social

Or come to my Discord Server!
https://discord.gg/D6QHXsRp

I have very little to no interest in using Twitter anymore. I only go there just to look around but posting anything. I only posted a few things today but just to let anyone who follows me there that I go to BlueSky.
So I am going to do the same thing here, please follow me on BlueSky
Twitter is just too silly for me lol

https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social

I saved up the money I need to have my car fixed. I let the mechanic know and he told me they will be working on it. Don't know how long it will take but I don't care. I'm just glad that I saved up enough and will gladly wait for them to work on it.

Quick question. I know i haven't post a thing in a long time so I'm not...getting plenty of attention which it happens lol...
But I do wonder about posting some WIP work up here but as Scraps, and once I'm done with them I can delete them before posting the completed ones. Good idea? Like a little tease?
I know I have older stuffs I haven't touched in a few years due to.....issues lol. But I want to try to be around as much as possible.

My birthday is coming soon than I would expected, and I'm turning 32..... Yay lol
After working for such a long time from multiple with barely having any vacations for myself to enjoy I decided to plan one for the first time. That is if work approves my request...
Whenever I get some time off from work I spent pretty much at home doing nothing and barely going out. Well, I plan to go out of state and explore around for fun! Hope I get the approval lol, but if so then I'm gonna continue saving up for the trip. I'm still saving up to get my car fixed by working overtime, but I decided to keep working overtime to save more money to be prepared since this will be my first time heeeeee. Here's hoping!

My server
https://discord.gg/tU8zkrH5
https://discord.gg/tU8zkrH5
https://discord.gg/tU8zkrH5
https://discord.gg/tU8zkrH5

Just felt like streaming recently with whatever comes to mind, mainly games and maybe something else. I was dealing with depression again and still kinda do but I've been feeling better. I somewhat getting back to drawing which that is a good thing, but I still do not get enough time because of errands or overtime work that I signed up for to try to save up more money to get my car fixed as soon as possible. I haven't been getting many views but that's fine, I just stream just to enjoy and all are welcome to come in and watch.
But I do gotta work on my mic quality because my past streams were crap lmao

So my car needs a new engine which totals up to $6,700 and the warranty only covers around half of it. So I'm going to be getting some overtime work to save up to 3,700 so they can work on my car. Really sucks to be living without your own vehicle, especially when it's been a few months since you bought it and you treated it well.

Also recently I've been feeling depressed, angry and hopeless that I just stayed at home all day barely doing anything. Another stupid family drama made me so worse that further worsens my anger. So I had to go get help and thankfully I'm taking some counseling about my situation since nobody in the family wants to help me. Actually, they do but to benefit themselves instead of both of us. And my doctor told me to take antidepressants.... again. Last thing I need but I might have to take it.

My first two vehicles didn't last long because of their head gasket issues, and they were used so I guess it was expected.
Then I got my third car, still paying for it yet all of a sudden the engine started vibrating with some slight misfiring. I thought it was a simple sparkplug issue but it turns out the mechanics told me that one of the cylinders is bad and the whole engine needs to be replaced. I had it for 4 months and already it's fucked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear I can't go out and enjoy on the road with random bullshit happening so very soon. I know cars will have problems at a random moment but the fact it happens so very soon without a year passed, all three of them, I think I'm done driving cars... I love driving but I can't deal with crap like this.

When I get the chance to draw
I'm gonna draw some Palworld -3-

I worked on New Years so I didn't do anything to celebrate, but it was alright. Really not having any high hopes for this year but I hope everyone else had a happy new year.
I do have plans on what to do this year but I can't guarantee I will achieve them successfully, but what I am really planning to do is re-learn using Blender so hopefully some day I can learn to make models of my OCs, and just use Blender from there because I am getting little tired of using SFM. The biggest issue that thing has is constant crashes when you try to search a model, load a model, even clicking on something if it has a lot to work with.
I'm still going to focus on drawing too, but not so much due to work and living with a roommate. But I am looking forward drawing again. Plus I want to animate more thus my YouTube channel is still up but honestly I am not sure if I want to upload any more animations there and just go to Newgrounds. Oh well, I'll just think about it later

Has anyone here played any tabletop games?
So far Im learning just a couple of games and I wanna know if anyone here has played Battletech, Dungeons n Dragons or Warhammer.
So far I learned a bit of Battletech but the other two I'm still learning since I am very new
Would like to know

I spent half a day on Christmas at my family's place and the rest back home moving stuffs around I couldn't get online to wish you all Merry Christmas!
So, it's late and I feel sad about it, but I hoped you all had a good Christmas with your friends and family! And hope you all will have a Happy New Year!
Hopefully around next year I can get back to drawing, I missed that so much lol

Just to be safe, I decided to change my password. But I am glad this website is back up running again thanks to those who worked hard on getting the domain back.
Hope everyone is doing alright now that they can come back here to resume their daily basis here~.

Recently I've been using SFM when I have some few extra time to make some renders. I wanted to draw on my tablet but so many things gets in the way, plus it takes hours to get it done while I have stuffs to take care plus working 12 hour shifts at work. But it's something to keep my account here active from collecting dust. Will be posting those here once in awhile for now until I can actually go back to drawing lmao
Also, I am still staying away from Twitter, I really don't want to deal any stupidity there as I mentioned on my last journal.

I am starting to post some stuffs on BlueSky so go ahead and have a look: https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social
Who the hell knows if I am going back to Twitter or not lol
Me entire brain says YES but that teeny tiny part of it says "But your favorite artists D:"
Eh, we'll see...

Awhile ago there was an incident in Pennsylvania, and you already know what I'm talking about and I don't wanna discuss about it.
But, Twitter's reaction is a shitfest which is no surprise but it has gotten so stupid that I cannot enjoy looking at good art that I decided to remove the damn app off of my phone. It gives me opportunity to focus more on BlueSky since I haven't touched my account there in a long time. Would love to ditch Twitter for good but there are artists I like and follow there but not all of them are in BlueSky so I'll have to take a break from using Twitter until all this political brainrot shit does down so I can go back.

Around last month I found someone was selling a drawing tablet with a screen on it for a little over $100. Ordered it, got it, tested it, and holy crap it works! I did a couple of test drawing on it....and forgot to save it lol, but it feels easier and way better than my tiny old tablet. By the way, I have that old Wacom Intuos tablet for around 6 or 7 years and been drawing it ever since, but always wanted to get a bigger one or with a screen on it but it was the only thing I could afford way back then. So after taking almost a year long break for my mental health, it's finally time to get back to drawing!

....sort of :v

Because I have a job that is still a 12 hour shift that whenever I arrive home I just watch TV, eat something then go to sleep; I don't have enough time to draw unless I'm on a day off lol. But yeah, going to be drawing once in awhile and will be posting them here on FA and other places. Great to be back to drawing after so long and can't wait to draw good lewds~!

Last year was a total hell for me and my mental health. I already explained several times of what has been going on with me so I don't want to talk about it anymore. But I can say is I have been getting good amount of help from family and my doctor here in North Dakota, compare to so much "help" I got from my hometown. I am glad that I am no longer living in that place, I am somewhere that is clean, peaceful and a lot more opportunities where I can get so much support. Finally got my own apartment that is bigger and nicer; things are starting to go up here! However, I am still working on improving myself, still taking antidepressants but I am planning to start cutting down the dose next month and hopefully be done with it for good.

Since we are now in the second month of 2024, I want to focus more on making my life better without going too hard on myself. I am slowly getting back to drawing and enjoying lewds, and I want to focus on my YouTube channel that has been left untouched for a long time. Man I miss animating, and I want to practice improving on that too. There are so many things I want to get back to but I will have to take it easy and focus on my life more, despite that I am very excited to start going back to what I enjoy so much! I have my tablet packed in one of the boxes, will bring it out some time to draw some stuffs, for now I am drawing stuffs on a sketchbook as a warmup. Animating I will need a desk to be comfortable to use my laptop, I don't have much furniture since I left many of them behind because they were covered in cockroach filth lol (My old apartment was old and crap lol). Hopefully eventually I can get Internet installed here so I can use my laptop to game, chat and do silly things for fun and stuffs. I will try my best to keep updating here if anything happens. Hope you all are doing well and enjoying this new year~!

STarting to get the hang of living around here, it even snowed very early! Average snow weather but I am aware that in mid and late winter it will be crazy. Good thing I got a new jacket, winter boots and gloves. My new job is going really great so far, it's easy but pays really good that it helps me pay off some past due bills. I haven't been doing much for this account and Twitter, just liking and faving stuffs left and right since I'm living in a relative's apartment where I get very limited privacy - can't do anything until I move out on my own again. My mental health is getting better and better as time went on, but after all the ridiculous crap I had to go through since the beginning of this year that put me in a depression and anxiety I started taking antidepressants. Never wanted to take them, but with how I've been feeling plus living in someone else's place where there's lots of kids and drama going on that frustrates me more than healing my mind I had to take them so I can focus better and sleep comfortably. Hopefully I can get this medication off once I move to my own place... But we will see, I think.

And I finally have BlueSky. Looks very promising for people wanting to move out of Twitter - Just don't like this invite code crap but I think they are doing this for safety reason or something.
If anyone wants to come check it out here it is!
https://bsky.app/profile/bshark06.bsky.social

I remember I made Newgrounds account back in 2018. ...holy shit 5 years
Decided to go have a look there yesterday, remove the dust and cobwebs to try to bring it back after hearing Mr.FootMusk is rebranding Twitter to... X. PFFFFFFFTTTLOL
It's a really dumb idea, and it gets worse but I'm not freaking out. But yeah, here's my Newgrounds account:

https://bshark06.newgrounds.com/

Made it here and living with a family relative's place for awhile until I could get my own apartment....again :V
I've been here for 2 weeks now and I gotta say, it feels a lot better than where I was living - Not too hot, though does get cold, got a new job that pays better and got what I need. I was hesitant if I want to stay here for a few months then go back, but honestly I really don't want to go back and live miserable again, there is a very high chance of staying here and start a brand new life.
But since I'm living a relative's home for awhile I won't be able to draw or do anything unless I have absolute privacy or when I'm by myself, which that's not likely going to happen since I gotta help around here.
We'll see, I'm still honestly happy to be here and I've been walking around outside a lot to explore and enjoy fresher air, can't do that back in Laredo with the ridiculous heat.

Woke up at 1 AM, finished packing and it's almost 4 AM
I'm ready to go board on the plane soon. I'm a little nervous but excited... Wish me luck! I'll be posting an update when I arrive!

Happy 4th of July to all living here in US! Enjoy lighting fireworks but be careful where you light them up!
I usually like to go do outdoor grilling and light up some fireworks, but because of the inflation and money problems I just stayed all day at home. It's fine, soon I'll be going on the trip this weekend and start all over for the better.

Other news...

Usually I'm always excited and eager for shark week where I can draw some Shark Week art stuffs, even if they are just one or two pics for one whole week. unfortunately, because of how this year has been treating me and how I am still struggling living my motivation to draw art is so slim where I just don't draw them. I have one or two WIP sketches and I never get to work on them until months later. Instead, I focus on doing other things to clear my mind from stress... So this sucks, I wanna draw but I don't do them, I game and do SFM stuffs instead. Speaking of SFM I will show them soon, probably tomorrow or in a couple of days before I go off on a trip.

That is all for my journal, I wish you all a Happy 4th of July and Happy Shark Week once that starts~

Gonna spend a few months with some family relative while I start working, and if all goes well I might come back to pack up all of my belongings and ship them there to move in to my new home. Finally I can say "good riddance" to this god awful town and start a new life!