http://catoncoals.tumblr.com/post/6.....h-because-of-a

Info in the link, along with examples!

We’ve always had a rocky relationship, but she’s my mother. And she’s dying.

She went in for horrible constipation. After days and then bile, blood, and puss coming out of her, two different specialists. They found a giant mass in her colon. She nearly died during the operation, and her cognitive skills were gone for days. She’s just now begun to pick up comprehension again. It’s probably cancer, we’ll know for sure in a few days. The prognosis is bleak.

And I’m thousands of miles away with a $1 in my bank account and the paralyzing fear she hates me. That because we left like we did, she’ll never understand how much I actually love her— despite the fact that she and I are toxic to one another in the same space. That I’m sorry. That I learned a lot from her.

VALENTINE'S SPECIAL!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/9833791/

30$ “STORYBOOK” Couple's Commissions!

Full-body, simple shading.
Additional 5$ Charge for complex characters.

I'm only opening a limited number of slots for these, so I can promise Valentine's Day delivery!

Hit me up at birdladyart[at]gmail.com

I've been working as a Tattoo Apprentice at the local shop; it's been busy, with 11-hour workdays. It's challenge, but I really enjoy it. I've done a few tattoos, and did one on myself today. It's like relearning how to do art. The things you're taught in illustration? Do not apply at all to tattoo-art. I'm a better artist than the guys/girl in the shop, but don't have the technical skill to show it off on skin yet. It's frustrating, watching them draw anatomically incorrect pin-ups and portraits.

And I can't say anything about it. URGH.

I've been really down on my work and everything else recently. How do you cope with it?

 Fable and I are now stranded a good clip from home. Her art is amazing. GET SOME:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3050873/

Today,  fable is driving up here, shooting the shit for a bit, and then we're headed back to New Orleans for New Years shenanigans; with a cockatoo in tow! We haven't really decided when I'm coming home again; eventually?

I haven't slept yet. ffft. oh jesus.

So, I'm looking to get in a little more digital practice-- and I need inspiration. SO, post character refs here in comments, and I'll pick and choose. No order and slots crap.

Poses aren't copyrighted, people. No matter how original a piece of work may be, someone has probably already used the pose before. I've noticed a huge rash of 'OMG YOU COPIED THIS' lately(Hell, even I got nailed with one!)-- but there's a distinctive difference between using a pose, than completely tracing/stealing an image.

I do not mind people using poses at all. Because every artist has done it, or does do it. Either for anatomical reasons, or just because it works for a creative concept. It's very hard to find a way to portray a character that hasn't already been done before.
It's when an artist totally forgoes his own style, and completely rips an image, that there are problems-- however, using a generic 'action/couple/portrait' pose =/= art-theft, or tracing.

I'm really beginning to understand why a lot of people on DA have disabled comments on their work.

t's been confirmed that the issue to my mother's breathing problems and shortness of breath is her heart, she's undergone stress-tests and other prodding, and we're waiting on those results.

And onto me: I have a Chiari Malformation. The herniation has severely blocked the flow of spinal fluid(which explained why the pressure was so high on my spinal tap), and is the root of many medical issues I didn't even realize were related. The fix is brain surgery, removing pieces of the spinal cord near the base of the brain. Terrified doesn't even begin to cover my feelings on this. I think that Charity is the only thing keeping me from a complete meltdown, most of the day. My next Neurology appointment is Nov 5th, and I'm hoping there might be some other option for me.

I just got out of a week-long hospital stay. Two weeks ago, I began having a chronic migraine, and tension in my neck and shoulders so intense I couldn't turn my head. I blamed it on stress and kept on with my usual routine: worrying about my mother. I went to a family care clinic, got some meds for tension and my head, but it did absolutely nothing. The third day in, I collapsed. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. The pain was just that debilitating. My mother rushed me to the ER.

They immediately began treating me for meningitis, and x-rays/CTs of my lungs showed a severe case of pneumonia.

If you have never experienced a Spinal Tap, I pray you never will. It was a horrific experience. The technician hit a major nerve, which sent razor-like pain through my right leg. The nurse told me that people could hear me screaming from the parking lot.

I vomited at regular intervals; I couldn't eat. I couldn't drink. I was IV-bound. It was a miserable, painful week.


On to my Mother:


The lung-tests showed a small nodule in her right lung. But the doctor isn't very concerned about it. Her lungs aren't the cause of her problem.

It's her heart. One of the ventricles seems to have become deformed and the prognosis isn't good.

My mother was supposed to go to the doctor Thursday for her testing-- but I got very, very sick, and she opted to change the appointment to Monday. As it stands, I'm still running a fever between 103-105. We seem to be able to bring it down temporarily with cold showers, but it just shoots back up.

I've had migraine and muscle-tension since Wedsday, and the medication I was prescribed doesn't seem to be helping. I've been bouncing between the recliner, my bed, and the sofa-- from burning up, to shivering with cold and pain. It comes with pain-induced vomitting and nausea. This is the first time my ass hit this computer-chair in days.

I'm not going to be able to get these sketch-comms done in any kind of timely manner. I'm just too far gone right now. It isn't fair to make people wait.

I'm so sorry; hit me with your paypal addresses and I'll refund you. They were never transferred out of my PP.

For those of you waiting, it may not happen til the end of next week. My mother's taken a turn, and I've been busy trying to help her and arrange appointments. Her visit for tests in Thursday, with results next week.
The past two days, she's spent in bed with labored breathing and intense chest pain. I've been trying to manage the dogs and most of the household chores.

The other day, my mother went into the hospital; she was having problems breathing, and even simple walking around the house left her winded, with an ache in her chest. After fourteen hours in the hospital, they believe it may be the early stages of lung cancer. Which has killed three members of our immediate family. We're waiting on test results.

I am absolutely fucking terrified. I sobbed for hours after we got home and my mother got to bed.


We're in a financially tough spot right now, and we could use the help direly. I am opening unlimited slots for 5$ bust sketch commissions. Please, even if you can't afford to purchase one right now, spread the journal around.


If you're interested in a commission, shoot me a note or comment with references.

My paypal is for.lack.of.wit@gmail dot com.
Please label the payment with your FA/DA name.

Charity comes home tonight. We're going to head to town early and wander around the shopping areas and things like that before rolling into the airport.

SO MUCH EXCITEMENT AND NERVOUSNESS AMG.

Charity is coming on Saturday. Until then, Carmen is going to spam me with pictures. I can't wait. Sometimes, things just have a way of working out.

And everyone leaves me.

Since a falling-out with my best friend and RP-buddy of a few years, I'm hurting for a need to write and do something with my cast. I'm a paragraph-roleplayer, and have no issue with any particular setting. Supernatural-modern, high fantasy, horror. Graphic violence and sexual content are fine with me. Drama belongs in role-play--and decidedly, out of OOC/Real-life situations.

The only thing I don't do is furry.

As y'all know, I had some really sick fuzzballs a while back. One passed away. But after emergency vet-care and lots of patience, they got better and were all homed.

With the exception of one: Rogue. She has kidney disease. Since moving, and switching to a new vet, her condition has gotten a lot better. She's grown some(though she'll always be kitten-sized), and has finally put on some weight. She's responded to treatment so well, that the vet expects her to live a fairly normal life. It's very heartening.

I haven't handled Cash's death very well. It's been a long, hard road for me; but it's been decided that we're bringing two rescue-parrots into our home. Their owner is dying of gastric cancer, and has been desperately trying to rehome them before she goes into hospice. We'd been planning to adopt one-- but ended up with both.

And, I'm aware I haven't been doing much posting; I've been busy with professional work, and fighting severe depression. When I bottom-out, I bottom-out. I was diagnosed bi-polar, and suffering from abuse-related PTSD, on top of it. Medication helps, but when I'm on a low, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. It also gives me incredible migraines.

So please, be patient with me.

Cash has shredded her feathers and broken off some of her tail ones in her furious attempts to move. She's begun having mini-seizures. She can't lift herself to get to food or water, I'm handing feeding her a morsel at a time, and I'm sobbing. I can't imagine keeping her in this state being fair. I love her. I've loved her since she was two-weeks old and naked. The day she got to come home, her breeder just opened the carrier door, and Cash flew over and landed on my chest. And that's set the theme of our entire relationship. Just this constant loop of unending affection and joy.

And part of loving her, means knowing when to stop making her suffer.

My four-month old Green-Cheek Conure had a stroke today. It came out of the blue. We went through our routine as usual, I let her out of her cage, she promptly shit on my shoulder, and then after scritching, glided off to her favorite play-area in the studio. I left her, as I do every morning, to play a little while I cut up her breakfast. (Harrison's and fresh fruits/veggies)In the span of literally five to ten minutes, she went from active and happy, to floundering on the floor in terror, with her feet curled into tight fists at her belly. My first thought was: OH JESUS, DID SHE HIT SOMETHING? No, I'd have seen that through the doors--was it a candle fume?!

I immediately scooped her up and tucked her into her carrier with a warm towel, and zoomed for my avian vet. She lives about a half-mile away. Cash's state worsened every second. Doctor Meyers looked her over, and could find no signs of physical trauma, or toxicity; her bloodwork was clean. And while he fecal LOOKED bad, it too was clean and stress-caused. The vet gave her a steroid, and made us an immediate appointment with a Specialist about thirty-minutes away. She was almost certain, however, that Cash wouldn't live long enough to make it to the appointment.


A small miracle happened along the way-- Cash got increasingly more alert, and mobile-- but her entire right side seemed to be paralyzed. The Specialist confirmed it as a stroke, and took x-rays to absolutely rule out any kind of cranial damage. Her x-rays seem fine, and he told me she was in the most beautiful feather he's ever seen on a bird in years. Her youth, and good health, should help her recover mobility, along with weekly steroid shots and physical therapy.

Cash has been diagnosed with Cardiac Racing Syndrome. Basically, if the bird gets overexcited or overtaxes herself, she has a stroke that takes away the use of her limbs. Most of the time, they're able to recover motor function again.


I figure, even if she never fully recovers, I'm prepared to take care of her; she's my baby, whom I owe a lot to(It was a tumor, and thankfully, benign and GONE). Everyone that's met Cash has had a near-magical experience with her. She always seems to know what the people around her need, at exactly the right time. I cried my eyes out at the first clinic, and all she tried to get me to do the whole time was scritch her head, and talk to her.

I know now that none of what happened was my fault, but I still feel like I failed her as a mother.

Cash and I have had a blast together over the past week and a half. She steps up/down, rolls over and allows me to hold her that for belly-scritches, and has learned recall. She adores the toys from Birdy Booty and swings around gleefully from the snuggle-hut made her, when she isn't napping in it.

She's grown incredibly; while still a cuddle-bug, she is /amazingly/ intelligent and willing to entertain herself. We're working on some of her vices, but no one's perfect!


But something, the other day, happened I sort of had to share. Cash and I play all over the room. I was reading, and she was playing along my shoulders and down my back-- and after a while, found a spot near the base of my spine, close to my skull. She began to nip and fuss at it. I moved her, not thinking anything of it. It continued, and I finally put her away-- leaving to look at my neck. Cash was digging at a tumor; barely able to be felt under the skin. I'm having it removed and biopsied soon.

It was just kind of surreal. If she hadn't have dug at the spot, I may have never noticed it. My mother just recently passed away from cancer, so it's incredibly important I get this checked. The little bird may have saved my life.

The little bird gets to come home and STAY today! She's been here a few times(and got bombarded by the camera), but today is the day she gets to stay for good. I'm SO excited.

..I hated that woman. And yet, I'm having a break-down.

I'm fostering/adopting a weanling. He's so little! I'll pick him up either this weekend, or next week. I'm very excited, it's my first bird! Any tips, tricks, or hints for happy bird parenting is appreciated!