Heya guys! I'm so alive :D
Sorry it's been such a long time since I've done a journal here!! All is going good even when I had to go into lockdown and had a summer that was.... SOMETHING I hope you all have been doing alright!

I need to come up with something to share the things I've down but there's so much information that I can't really process it here as of now... But I will get it t you soon that I promise!!

Grawrr~⭐

:03 ButtersDaBear

I'll be happy til the day I die
I smile each day and I don't ever cry
Feeling sad is such a waste of time so just be happy
Just try.

Things will get you down in life
Wear a smile and you'll get by
Just make sure you love yourself
Don't you worry about everyone else

Rise above the lowest days
Forward thinking always pays
And if you hurt then have a look
Take a leaf from my book


GIVE THIS SONG A LISTEN!
https://youtu.be/Z21qs3gkHew

Along with  neevipanda and his handler Talos! If you see a bear in or out of suit, or another giant panda with a panda and a panda feel free to say hi, give some hugs, or even get pictures made! Can't wait to see everyone there! :03

ALSOOOOO ALSOOOOO, alsooooo the 31st is my birthday! :03
Finally a birthday con for me!!!

Along with  neevi and his handler Talos! If you see a bear in our out of suit, or another giant panda with a panda and a panda feel free to say hi, give some hugs, or even get pictures made! Can't wait to see everyone there! :03

Sorry I haven't been too active here, I've been having a lot going on lately and have been hoping to find some time to get on here and see what's all going on and hoping to see everyone is okay, and give you the update on my end as well. *Huuuuuuuugs*

MFF was a really fun time! Pretty exhausting from the 20min. Walks from my room to the con and spend probably an hour or 2 on foot there walking all over I'm kinda bummed that I didn't get to meet many of the friends I had hoped to meet, but there's always next time to make up for. I got to get better acquainted with  freddythepandaand his mate weremoco and  bwee along with that I even got to meet more pandas and bears like Yojiro,  tonycannoli mockthebear buzzbear noah pacopanda panda and even got to take pictures with em too thanks for that guys I appreciate it! :03
Not to mention I found  KobaltSilverstar Misora Rumstag Zafuyu jayri-veradian-avieock some of my oklahomies yo! :03 was so happy to see them and know that they were doing good and SO FREAKING PROUD for misora getting a spot in the Artist's Alley!
There were quite a few bunnies this year, I can't remember the last time I saw  pkmotors but I was sure happy to see him and got to spend a little time with him I missed that sassy Bunbun I hope to see him again soon :)
BIG THANK YOU to  bigboyjulzz his brother, and  dosenfox for letting me room with you guys for a night or two after being worn out from walking around in suit, and also for getting us all getting yelled at by asian ladies in a food court just because we were eating...lololol
And just when I thought I was gonna be stuck at the airport with no one to talk to I got to find  clice he's always been such a great friend and I'm really happy I got to find him and his roomy  saxwuff he's a nice guy :03
Suprisingly I didn't even get one slice of Giordano's deep dish pizza... ;w; but Reggio's had a smaller version and it was tasty

Furry Migration was pretty dang fun! Thanks for inviting me to go there  neevipanda!!
A new convention to me and it's a small one, I loved it cause I could socialize easy when it's not so busy, I even did my first dance competition (idk how to post the link... SORRY!!) And it was a blast! I even went to an arcade with  higesama kizawa TysonShadowfurand aphexbeats
Checked out the WORLD'S LARGEST MALL the Mall of America! And omg I could get lost there easy! Good thing  bigboyjulzz neevipanda xsqu1shypanther was there to guide me! Somebody could bearnapped me!! Nooooo!! /)>w<(\
When I got to dance I even made a friend named  anguscormac his name sounds like an awesome burger I could eat lol
I'd definitely consider coming back it was a lot of fun! I even ate my 1st official ramen bowl out there too!

I'm nervous about what next year will bring...but all I can do is be ready for it and keep on walking on my feet til the next to happen :) all I can hope for this year is just to be around my friends, don't be a clingy loser, always stay happy and be happy for my friends and family out there going to do what they can, and make myself a bit more entertaining and more animated.

Also I've been trying to open up more about a side I don't share with people cause of it's negativity, Ive begun to learn that if you don't show vulnerability almost at all it can be a little bothersome, and your friends might not know what's been going on with you. That and as much as I am against people helping me I've learned that it's ok for em to do that, only if they really want to help.

I can actually say I've grown up a lot since high school and learned so many things I never thought I'd get to, nor even get these awesome experiences and make memories that will matter so much to me. Seriously this world is a when lot bigger than I keep thinking it is. It's radical!

That should sum it all up! Thank you for taking the time to read this from a dumb bear or his panda form x3
*Bear huuuuuuuugs* & *panda snuuuuugs*

That's right folks! I'm gonna be there but I actually won't be a bear this time... (OnO) I know...BIG SHOCKER right? You'll have to find out who I will be at MFF! ^u^ but don't worry I'll explain to you since this one is gonna be My 2nd Fursona!
But before going into that.

LET'S FILL OUT THIS MEME!

Where will you be staying?
DoubleTree O'Hare

How long will you be staying?
From Wednesday Nov 28th - Monday Dec. 1st or 2nd... Lol

Will you be dancing at the raves?
Oh yes! And I hope to see you there too! I love to have fun dancing and learn dances too!! :D

Can I hug or snuggle you?
You sure can! But please make sure that you don't stink like armpits, butt, or feet, or anything bad. On snuggles don't be alarmed if I fall asleep on you! <3

Can I give you stuff?
If that's what you want to do! I have no judgement against that at all :3 but you better expect to get a stuff back from me :03

Will you be drinking at this con?
I'm not exactly a big drinker but I don't mind getting one or two with you or a friend! Maybe I can learn more drinks to try too!! :D

Can I have lunch or dinner with you?
The more the merrier! I'd be happy if you could come along as long as it's not in the way of what you wanted to do

Can I touch you?
I'm absolutely fine with being touched as long as your hands are clean :03 but if you ask for certain spots you'll have to ask me first~ ;)

What's the best way on getting your attention?
Just Shout Panda! (SPOILER ALERT!) or Jaidynn! X/////3

What do you look like?
In suit I'll look like a panda that ate cotton candy

Out of suit I'll more than likely look like a really chunky bro with a jawstrap and glasses (some people say I look really good but idk you can be the judge of that lol)

Can I get a picture with you?
I'd be very happy to get a picture with you! Be sure to tag me along with your picture though so I can keep that memory of us together <3

Are there any parties or panels you're going to?
You know? I actually have no idea! Lol for parties I'd love to go to one if you wouldn't mind me being around, I'm a well-behaved bear and I'm pretty chill and sweet to hang around with too.

Who will you be hanging out with during the con?
My roommate  Matsunari if he doesn't forget about me lol him or some other friends I've made (you know if we are friends or nah) but also...
Anybody that wants to hangout or meet me, give me hugs, or even cuddles, heck even if it's just to eat pizza with ya I'm cool with anything lol

Can I come to your room and hangout with you there?
I'm totally fine with it I'll give you my telegram if you ask me in person to message ya about it more. I have to be sure it's okay with my roomie :03

Well that should wrap things up!
Thanks for taking a look at this and Hopefully I'll get to see ya there! We'll have fun like so much fun!! :03

Party on Burrs, Party on Pandurrs!
It's Furfest! It's Furfest!
Midwest!
Excellent!
*Guitar solo!!*

That's right folks! I'm gonna be there but I actually won't be a bear this time... (OnO) I know...BIG SHOCKER right? You'll have to find out who I will be at MFF! ^u^ but don't worry I'll explain to you since this one is gonna be My 2nd Fursona!
But before going into that.

LET'S FILL OUT THIS MEME!

Where will you be staying?
DoubleTree O'Hare

How long will you be staying?
From Wednesday Nov 28th - Monday Dec. 1st or 2nd... Lol

Will you be dancing at the raves?
Oh yes! And I hope to see you there too! I love to have fun dancing and learn dances too!! :D

Can I hug or snuggle you?
You sure can! But please make sure that you don't stink like armpits, butt, or feet, or anything bad. On snuggles don't be alarmed if I fall asleep on you! <3

Can I give you stuff?
If that's what you want to do! I have no judgement against that at all :3 but you better expect to get a stuff back from me :03

Will you be drinking at this con?
I'm not exactly a big drinker but I don't mind getting one or two with you or a friend! Maybe I can learn more drinks to try too!! :D

Can I have lunch or dinner with you?[/b]
The more the merrier! I'd be happy if you could come along as long as it's not in the way of what you wanted to do

[u]Can I touch you?
I'm absolutely fine with being touched as long as your hands are clean :03 but if you ask for certain spots you'll have to ask me first~ ;)

What's the best way on getting your attention?
Just Shout Panda! (SPOILER ALERT!) or Jaidynn! X/////3

What do you look like?
In suit I'll look like a panda that ate cotton candy

Out of suit I'll more than likely look like a really chunky bro with a jawstrap and glasses (some people say I look really good but idk you can be the judge of that lol)

Can I get a picture with you?
I'd be very happy to get a picture with you! Be sure to tag me along with your picture though so I can keep that memory of us together <3

Are there any parties or panels you're going to?
You know? I actually have no idea! Lol for parties I'd love to go to one if you wouldn't mind me being around, I'm a well-behaved bear and I'm pretty chill and sweet to hang around with too.

Who will you be hanging out with during the con?
My roommate  Matsunari if he doesn't forget about me lol him or some other friends I've made (you know if we are friends or nah) but also...
Anybody that wants to hangout or meet me, give me hugs, or even cuddles, heck even if it's just to eat pizza with ya I'm cool with anything lol

Can I come to your room and hangout with you there?
I'm totally fine with it I'll give you my telegram if you ask me in person to message ya about it more. I have to be sure it's okay with my roomie :03

Well that should wrap things up!
Thanks for taking a look at this and Hopefully I'll get to see ya there! We'll have fun like so much fun!! :03

Party on Burrs, Party on Pandurrs!
It's Furfest! It's Furfest!
Midwest!
Excellent!
*Guitar solo!!*

It's coming in pretty soon, I'm really really nervous about this one since I've never been to Minneapolis, MN or the con before, I don't know all the many that will be there except for a mere handful...
And then there's that thing about the flight not leaving till 7 at night on Monday, dunno what to do bout it really.
But anyway MOVING ON FROM THAT

I hope to get some hugs and cuddles from my friends and hopefully from you too at this con...I'm really struck with crippiling anxiety and non-containable excitement! Am I gonna die? I've heard bad things about the place as much as the good things if I don't post a journal here or a tweet on the Twitter when I get home (IF I DO, mind you.. :3 )

...it was a wonderful run and I hope to see ya on the otherside you're all loved by me and don't worry I'll visit ya in a dream and make your days better for sure! :3

Either way I'm sure it'll be pretty fun I'll have a blast like normal on every place I go to, cause hey don't we all make the best of things to have a gay ol time? X3

Party on Burrs, Party on Furs
It's Migration, Migration
Furry time!
EXCELLENT! *solo*

Or a Burrthday for me X3 either way I'm getting a little older but I'm still young in my big bear heart!! :03

And that's all I can say...

How's it going everyone? :03 its still a ways til that time comes BUT I just wanna put this in just in case I may forget to later and stuff but anyways
Feb.8th - 11th is the con days I'm staying from the 7th - 12th of February which I believe is...Thurs-Mon? Can't remember BUT STILL I'm looking so forward to it I got my room booked just needing registration, money for room, food, drinks, and fun things! A guaranteed ride to get down there, and a way back home then it'll all be situated! :03

Here comes the part of questions

Can I touch you?
I would love to be touched! I keep thinking people are too shy to come up and touch me when I'm so ok with it

Can i Hug or Snuggle you?
You wanna hug or Snuggle me?! YES YES 100X YES!!! ;w; <3

Can i hangout with you in your room?
I'd be very happy if you'd like to! I'm always alone ^^;;

Do you have any goals for this con?
I do! They are to make friends, quit caring about what people may think bad about me, spread fun love, and happiness, while having some for me too!

Will you be dancing at the raves?
HELL YES! I'M SO AMPED AND READY TO DO IT! You should TOOOOOOTTAAAALLLLLLLYYYY COME DANCE WITH ME! <3

What panels will you be attending?
I'm honestly not sure but if you invite me to go with ya to one I'll definitely come along and have fun with you :D

How can I get your attention?
Just yell "Butters" Or Bear! But for this little treat you may wanna get LOUD with it cause i have the HARDEST time of hearing when I'm suiting or in the lobby

Will you be fursuiting?
Yes! Most definitely!! Come say hi, hug me, gimme some paw to play pawcake, let's take pics and selfies to make your camera beariffic! Or whatever you feel like just dont...Threaten me, Hit me, or Enforce your emotional problems on me (we leave that at home for a reason!) ...and lastly PLEASE FOR ME Please smell nice, I can't stand the smell of Body odor or anything that rank, if you're into musk that's cool I'm not gonna judge you, but I am gonna give ya rough time bout it if you can take a joke. :P

You wanna grab a drink sometime?
Sure, but if I'm at the silly giggle phase like, better play along!! XD

Its never fun nor is it entertaining to ever get episodes of any kind of depression even manic or catatonic. You know it for sure like I do too. Anyway moving I recently came into contact with manic depression to a point that I was ready to begin physical self-abuse (I already do it mentally)

don't think of this journal as a cry for help, or anything so pitiful that you could wreak the very havoc of this and turn it into a joke. This is all basically what's been kinda happening.
1. Why I don't talk so much
2. I don't reply back very often or regularly as other people do.
3. I keep things to myself for my own safety
4. Why it is I'm really off or weirder than before (towards to your own eyes)
and lastly.
5. Been having identity issues of myself to where I have to push myself away from really feeling a sense of belonging. But at the same time it's been a feeling always around even without those issues too.

These are the things that have happened to me, if you want to turn a blind eye and not notice this had happened you can do so. I'm not really the person to share these kind of things with everyone nor do I like even bringing this up (especially in person) since its a topic that can really drain energy from others and become quite a hindrance to the other(s).

Moving onto results:
As of now I'm mildly doing a little better than earlier. Got to see friends at the fur meet I haven't seen in a very long time that it felt. Been taking walks in the park while enjoying the discovery of Pokémon Go. And still tryna keep the light on even after some depressive things that have happened but. This is the part where we are supposed to go up, not down :-P
Plans for the events coming up should be going swell as long as I can remember to put money in that freaking account lol

Anyway this concludes the journal Have a great day :03

Last year on March...I forgot the date..don't know what time but a dear friend Seka has moved on to that world no one can reach him...but he can't get hurt in that world either..Today on April 26th 2017 another friend we've lost both from the same community as us Oklahoma furs...Clayton I've been missing you for a long time even though we didn't get to talk much but from the 1st day we met you were the funniest and one of the greatest bears I got to meet (even if you don't have a fursuit) I just wish that day wasn't the only day I got to see you and have lots of fun with you as a friend You both may be gone but you will never be forgotten...I miss you both too much but I'll always be missing you both...until that fateful day we all will get to meet again always be missing you til the day I'm with my friends...

RIP Seka
RIP Clayton

Which means I leveled up again from

Lvl.24 to lvl.25

Fuck yeah it's that time for one of my FAAAAVORITE cons EVER!
That's right ya fluffballs....TEXAS FURRY FIESTA!!!!!!

Sup furs? It's that awesome time for the best convention to ever happen now let's lay the info:

Staying at the Intercontinental hotel (the main con hotel)
From Thurs - Sat I could not get Sunday since it sold out before I could get it :(
But don't be down that shit will mess with ya and your con experience throughout the whole time!

I'll also be with my lovely roomies: introducing~
🐼💜 Neevipanda💜🐼
🐴❤ sheesh❤🐴
🐲💚 Bishup_The_Dragon💚🐲
and 🐕💙 Glacierpaws💙🐕

Come say hi to me and give hugs! Don't be a loser and say no! :P
If you wanna cuddle ya gotta ask me I may be busy or need to cool off
For touching I don't mind just DONT MAKE IT WEIRD!
Drinks all around drinks are great I'll take one if it ain't date rape, poison or something else ungodly lol
Now pictures I would ABSOLUTELY would love to have a picture with you or have pics taken of Heck Record me, I'll make your time fun~ ^^
Getting food you totally can go if you want to I don't mind lol
Gurl you I know I gotta get my dancin so I'm gonna be serving body face cute bear realness~

OH! This year TFF is also on a special day for a beary good friend of mine he goes by 🐻💖 tag1bear💖🐻 ZIO!! his birthday is in the 25th! Please be sure to SMOTHER THAT BEAR IN HUGS AND ALL FLUFFLE LOVES!! Lol
Seriously though I love him he's a great bear that made TFF happen for my 1st time from after wanting to meet him for the last 2 years He's worth to be around with even if his bear puns are awful TOTALLY KIDDING don't get salty :P but as soon as you make friends with him you just can't help but let him in your hearts cause of how sweet a burr he is once you see him and spend time you'll know it for real especially after the 1st time he starts fav bombing you on Twitter and being the best bear stalker xD
Love you ya large fluffy hugging snuggly gotta-pounce-you adowabu bear beary early happy birthday to you!!! <3 RRRAAAWWWWRRRAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Aside from that I super hope to see you all who wants to meet up!
Thank ya for reading this LOOOOOOONG ASS JOOUURRRRNAL! X3

A funny word have no idea what it means but plahpla :p

Anyway been wanting to try and get more responsive on social media, necessarily I don't think its me that does A thing wrong unless it might be and I just don't know it or see it, maybe I should stay silent? I have no idea...its like opening up all over again to someone you've known for years but the matter of it is of no importance of whether you're forgotten or remembered in ways...look sorry for having to spill this kind of stuff on here it's a super super old issue I'm wanting to find a solution for

When will you be there?
Nov.30th - Dec.4th

Where are you staying?
The crown plaza rooming with  dragovwolvesbane and 1 more

Can we hang out?
If you wanna...im so boring though ( warning)

Can i hug you and or snuggle you?
If you want, they're really crap quality for a bear though

Can i buy you a drink?
Sure, but i gotta see what you're getting

Can i give you stuff?
If you want, i suppose

Can we grab lunch together?
Only if you're hungry

Can i take pics with you?
Sure

Can i do a vine with you?
If you want to

Can i touch you?
Only if i touch you first

Any parties you going to?
Nope, never know of em and never invited to em, unless that would change...maybe

What panels are you attending?
Honestly...i really dont know tbh sorry

Can i/we dance together?
If you really want to

How do i get your attention?
Just shout butters or burr I'm a little hard of hearing though

Can i go to your room?
I think so just no perversion though

Can you come to my room?
If you want me to

What are your goals for MFF?
Just have a good time, make friends, and catch up with old friends

That sums it up, see ya then
-Butters

I am a lvl.24 star bear!! :03

Where are you staying?
The Marriott

What day are you getting there?
Thursday

Who will you be staying with?
Sheesh

Who will you be hanging out with?
Mostly either with friends, or just myself

Can i hang out with you?
OMBURRS! Yes you can :OD

Are there any panels you're attending?
Dance Comp, Games, and more

Are you attending any stage or public performances?
Dance Comp most definitely! And the games

Will you be suiting?
You betcha! Grawr!

How old are you?
23

How tall are you?
6'0

Can i talk to you?
I'd love it if you did

Can i touch you?
You may touch my belly arm or chest, if you do it right i may allow more ;03

Can i come visit your room?
You sure can!

Can i buy you drinks?
I buy my own, unless i know you

Can i give you stuff?
You dont have to, but i prefer from friends i know

Can i hug you?
OMBURRS I WOULD LOVE HUGS FROM YOU!!! :03

Can i snuggle you?
Just ask first, i do like snuggles ^^

Are you nice?
I sure hope so!

If i see you, how do i get your attention?
Wave dem paws an yell out "BUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTEEEEERRRRSSSSS!!!!" or else senpai wont notice you lol

Can i take your picture?
Please please please PLEASE DO! :OD

How long will you be there?
Thursday - Sunday at sunset

What /Where will you be eating?
Anything or anywhere thats available and yummy!!

Can i come with you for lunch?
If you want to, its Good to have company :03

What are registered as?
Super sponsor

What are your goal at this con?
To make everyday of it awesome as pawssiburrs, make good friends, and have LOADS OF INCREDIBLE FUN!!

Rules of engagement
Strangers i dont mind hugs tap on shoulder or a back rub
Groping is a big no no ask to rub belly pwease? Close friends can snuggle just have to ask so it feels fine to me

How can i contact you?
Telegram Twitter and Facebook

Anything else i should know?
Just be ready for crazy fun times from this bear, close friends i have a message to you from me....YOU'RE GONNA GET POUNCED *chuckles mischievously*