Read into it what you will.

How are you all managing during these weird times?

P.S.: I managed to miss 666th watcher :( Whoever you are, thank you!

What happens when we reach out and find that we're all alone?
There's something missing
- taken from BAAO's new single - Alone

TL;DR: Something broke and I can't find a way to fix it. Have a nice day.

I have no idea how to write these life updates or explanations, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I need to get this off my chest.

I feel my social anxiety is getting the better of me. Apart from work, I usually spend my time silent, doing my things and watch my friends getting on with their lives, finding partners, having families. And I'm still where I was years ago.
I haven't had a relationship in four and a half year. It was very far from perfect and left me struggling to finish university (that I ultimately failed) and I had "find myself", using the most generic description possible. And I did, in my own Cael way. But the whole thing left me pretty much unable to trust anyone but myself. I don't know many people and I don't have many friends. Social interactions don't seem to have the same effect on me as they do on others, I find them exhausting and tiresome, having problems to connect with others. I don't seem to have the ability to chit chat and small talk anymore. Even starting conversations is a Herculean task for me as I don't want to bother other people. It usually takes me days or weeks to write anything (including this journal that I'm writing since Thursday).

And of course, being 26 and single, everyone keeps telling me to find some girl. The more acerbic parts of my family tell me to find some dude because not having a girlfriend for years automatically means you are into men to some people. But it's not that easy. Almost everyone I know is already engaged/married. I have no idea how to meet someone. The last (blind) date I've been on was god-awful. At least my friend I have seen 3 times in the last ten years and his fiancé went through the effort of setting me up with one of her friends. We couldn't have less in common even if we tried.

But the worst part of it all is that there is a voice in the back of my head asking - "Do you really want to?". And I don't know the answer. I don't know if I can ever be in a couple. I want to want to feel that way, but I don't know what to do. I don't know anyone who could help me. I don't have friends to guide me in life as others do. So I do things my way, the Cael way. The lonely way.
It seems so simple for everyone else, like they snap their fingers and suddenly bang, friends, partner, family. I want to be that way as well. But I don't think it's even possible anymore. It's like I've been an ice dragon for so long that my heart froze into a shard of ice, never letting anyone in so they don't shatter it. Again. And again. It just doesn't seem worth it.

This is my shoddy sort of explanation as to why I come across the way I do. If you've made it here, thank you very much for investing a few minutes of your life into reading this. I'll upload the rest of the art I haven't yet got in my gallery over the rest of the week.

Hello!

I've been thinking about this for quite some time and I finally decided to sum up some important info to have a quick reference.
So, here we go:

General info
- The most important rule - don't be rude.
- In character "No." is contextual, you can try and press your luck or leave it, depending on the situation. OOC "No." means you should stop whatever you're doing this instant.
- I prefer roleplaying via Skype
- I'm available on 4 - 10 PM CET/CEST on the weekdays and anywhere from 10 AM - 10 PM on weekends
- I'm really sorry, but I don't like roleplaying with males for personal reasons.

Character, setting, topic,...
- I roleplay as a dragon - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5565938/
- Any setting where you can fit a dragon. Snowy or watery locations are preffered, but not required. But no cities, space stations or lava pools.
- I don't like most of what is listed as "furry specialty" here, especially those involving bodily functions.
- No power roleplay (killing armies in one post, exploding planets,...)
- Your best bet is to ask beforehend than apologize later.
-Dragons and avians are preffered, but other species are also welcome.
- Post lenght varies,but please keep the number of actions per poest to about three maximum. Also please don't solve your own situations in the same post where they arise without giving me a chance to react.

Adult RP
This really depends on how I'm feeling at the moment, if your character attracts me and if I know you. Default answer to random people is no. Females only.


If anything, don't hesitate to ask! I don't bite... usually :P

"It is with immeasurable sadness that we announce that author Sir Terry Pratchett has died.
The world has lost one of its brightest, sharpest minds. Rest in peace Sir Terry Pratchett."

Well, this ruined my day. His books are my all time favourite.
I'm at a loss for words.

Rest in peace, Sir Terry Pratchett. You will be dearly missed

It's getting worse and worse.
Don't think I can pull through, I need some time to recover from this and get better, but there's no time. But I have to try and give it my best.
Hopefully I can keep it together for those five months.
But I'm not sure.

I'm afraid. And boned, so horribly boned.

Future advice: NEVER bite off so much more than you can chew.