My surgery went well (Dec 18th), but my recovery has been very rough. So much pain. I have never felt such pain. Unable to do anything. Having to rely completely on my husband for days (the poor but oh so amazing and wonderful man). Unable to really eat and suffering from the results of no food. Small fever and mild infection.

This has been an extremely rough road to travel. I do not regret the decision to take away my reproductive organs, only my inability to recover from the trauma of the surgery.

Some wanted to know how I was faring so I thought I would make a journal letting you know I am indeed recovering but it is taking a really long time and the journey is remarkably painful.

Will update later after more time has passed. Love ya.

View 's journal regarding our old girl. She is in such pain.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38492597/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38492597/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38492597/

My good friend is doing an art thing! GO SEE!!!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38494112/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38494112/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38494112/

If you would like the link to the E-vite please send me a note so I can get it our to you! Thank you!

Alrighty. Move is coming at the end of this school year. Leaving Florida is happening. Most likely moving after the 7 year FLPF anniversary in July.

Y'all I just submitted my teaching application for Wyoming....this is real. This is really happening. I will be in Wyoming next summer and I can hardly believe it...I am so sad to think about leaving but I am SO STOKED to arrive home. A place I can happily call that.

I will miss my friends in Florida dearly, but I have been wanting to live in Wyoming since I was a little girl. It beckons me. Like a pull almost. A call I have to answer.

I know that sounds weird but it's Legit. I went through once and knew I was meant to be there. Every time I visited since I was heart broken to leave.

Y'all. It don't matter. You going through some shit? It don't matter cus you won't be going through it forever. You dealing with some drama? It don't matter cus folks are too busy looking for the next big issue and will move on to that. Having an existential crisis? It don't matter. We all eventually end up back in the earth in one form or another. That feeling your feeling trying to come up with a retort to what I'm saying cus it makes you feel all volcanic cus you're somehow special in what you go through as opposed to everyone else? IT DON"T MATTER. Cus you're just like the rest of us. Spinning out of control on a random planet in a universe bigger than any of us can ever be, and in time may even cease to be. We are .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 trillionth trillionth trillionth trillionth in a universe of infinity. It just don't matter.

No this is not a "help me" journal or a journal for attention. It's just a reminder to me.

Nightmares. They plague me. This one...this one has me up. I'll be up the rest of the night.
It starts in a field. I'm laying in the grass looking at the clouds. There weren't many but they were painted orange and red by the afternoon sun as it was setting behind the mountains to my left. There were spruce and fir trees all over the place except in this field. I was alone. It was not hot but it was not cold either. The air was just right, the sky was amazing, the setting supreme and the beauty of this place unmatched by anything I have ever seen.
Then, just as the stars started to show past the light of the sun, an explosion. A bomb went off in the distance. The not far enough away distance. Here in my quiet place, a place I would gladly stay forever, a Hydrogen bomb just over the mountains to my left. Then another in the direction of my feet. I was alone. I had to get home. Past the mountains.
I jumped in my truck and tore over the dirt road. I didn't care; I had to get home. I drove faster and made it to the main road to see in front of me the mushroom cloud still hanging in the sky like a deadly beacon showing where the most destruction lay.
Cars of all kinds passed me at speeds I dare not travel to avoid crashing. The closer I got, the harder it was to breathe for the smoke of everything burning hung heavy in the air. The closer I got, the more I realized I was getting as close as I could get. People running; missing limbs and not realizing it. Coming after me because of my car. I couldn't let them catch me. I plowed through the still falling rubble, and sometimes them. I had to get home.
I made it. As far as I could go. To a crater. Home. My street was gone, my house was gone, my animals....my husband. There were no alarms. There were no sirens. All there was were people screaming, and the sound of things that shouldn't burn burning. The smoke burned my skin and my eyes and my lungs.
I pushed forward. Screaming my voice raw for the response that never came. I found my toaster. I don't know why but I grabbed it up and held it close to me as I moved more toward the place I assumed my house should be. I fell over some rubble and landed on my knee on what I am guessing was once a copper pipe to a water heater. The sharp metal pierced my kneecap and lodged in my joint. The pain was unbearable. As I am typing this, my knee is still throbbing as if it actually happened.
I was stuck. I could not bend my knee to move or stand so I was not able to move further. To find him. My skin was on fire. My eyes were swelling from all the chemicals in the air. My lungs....I wretched to purge anything I could from my body but there was nothing. I moved wrong and sent a shot of pain through my leg so severe I saw stars. My body was starting to quit.
"No. I have to get home." I stood. Through screaming pain and loss of use of that joint I stood. There were people, still screaming, but less now. Not as loud. Maybe they got out. My vision was so blurred; my head was starting to pound; there was fire in my lungs. I had to get home. I had to find him.
I used my toaster and it's cord to splint my leg. God that hurt so much more than the initial wound. I made it through the rubble. I found my front door (or what was left of it) and hobbled on. Calling out with what voice I had left. I got low, trying to feel him. Trying to find him safe under a piece of ceiling that was propped up by a piece of furniture waiting to be found.
My hands felt many things, but none of them him. Sharp metal, glass, splinters. It's hard to type with the pain still in my hands. I found him. His arm was sticking out. I knew it was his. Even though I couldn't see as my eyes were swollen shut. I held his hand in mine so many times and rubbed his arm so much that it had to be his. My voice was gone. It was but a whisper but I called out to him. My throat was lava, but I apologized for getting blood all over him. "I will get you out," I said hushed by my torn vocal chords.
I dug and I lifted and pulled and lost a finger nail or two while splitting all my others. This did not stop me. I had to get home...I finally removed the rubble that covered his upper half. I did not hear him. I pulled. Not budging. I cracked my voice at him. Nothing. I sat. My knee was done, my hands were useless, and I was spent. I got close to him and used my mangled fingers to force open my swollen right eye. A silent scream left me. His entire head was crushed with such an unnatural look to it he did not look human any more. I woke up shouting out.
My knee and hands still hurt. I am coughing. I am always told these are just dreams. Dreams hurt me though. They are vivid. They smell. They are brightly colored and correctly lit.
I limped into the bedroom and heard him snore. He is alright. And I am awake.

Well I finally got my Witch's Hutch. And I got all of my components on it and in it. This was an early birthday gift from my Mother. I practiced for the first time in over 10 years with a reintroduction and a smudging. I have to say, I missed my rituals. I missed my practice. My craft. I missed all of it. The selection of the components is soothing. The meditation over them. The use of them to direct energies. It was beautiful. The most I have felt fulfilled since before I left Washington.

Now the Reflection. I will be half way to 70 on the 20th of this month. 12/20. A day before the solstice. I will be 35. This is an age I never thought I would reach. There was a darkness, something lost in me for a long time. I did not expect to have the strength and courage to make it this far. This is a big step.

I can take care of myself and my husband, I have a wonderful career, I have the most beautiful friends anyone could ever ask for, I have a car and a place to stay with a yard. And I will be 35. An age I never thought I would reach. If you read this far, thank you for being kind enough to take a short break with me. I love you all.

Calliope

Okay friends! I would like to do a music video! I would like you to capture yourselves dancing your hearts out in your rooms, in your house, in your back yard in your living room or wherever you feel most comfortable dancing for about 30 seconds! I would like to compile this into a music video to show that no matter where you are we are all part of this wonderful community and we can all dance together!

This can be with a suit, without a suit, with a tail, or no tail. Ears or no ears. It doesn't matter if you are a masterful dancer or just a keen bopper! If you are in the fandom, I would love to have you be part of this!

You will need to be able to record on your own and send the file to me so I can add you to the video :)

Please note me if you are interested in being a part of this community dance so i can send you the music!

Deadline for entry is December 7th!

Featuring me, my beebee , and my friend Allon the Cookie dragon!

Art by:

VIEW HERE!!!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28912883/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28912883/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28912883/

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my wonderful friend for helping me with this! For the longest time i had it written, but never so beautifully! Editing and drafts are NOT my thing! Here it is if you wish to read!

BTW check out my lovely's Thursday Prompts! Excellent writings found there!



Calliope
By
Calliope Rabelle


A Story of Forbidden Love

Nothing ere life’s resolve
Will meet with lofty approval
Done through furtive devices
In defiance of unfair law

Once upon a time…


A long time ago, there lived an well-known and stable civilization of Rabbits. Their kingdom was well established with a castle wherein lived their monarch. He was a good and kindly monarch who watched over the farms gathered around his castle. His army of knights and nobles protected the farmers, and they, in turn, supplied the kingdom with food.

Of course, where there are laws and law keepers, there must also be those they guard against. The threat may only be perceived, but it is still treated as a threat and dealt with through force.

In this land also lived a wandering tribal civilization of the Gazelles. Not having roots to hold them to any one place, they came and left with the seasons. Suspicion by the Rabbits caused bad stories to be told of these people that were not true… and yet the stories were repeated so many times the Gazelles were only ever seen as evil and untrustworthy. When they passed by, the Rabbits would make the sign of the evil eye after shooing their children away to their house in fear they would be stolen.

The daughter of the king was never a difficult child. Her ears did not stand straight so she was not a wild rabbit. She was also very keen in her studies and never broke curfew. She always listened to her father and as his only child, was preparing to become the new leader of their kingdom when the time came the old King passed. Though her father had suggested such, and even arranged some meetings, the Princess did not desire a husband because she felt it took away from her focus in ruling. Her father, doting upon her as he did, had no argument for this point because the people loved her and respected her decisions. One night, while studying late, she had the urge to take a break lest she fall asleep upon her book. Walking out to the balcony, she looked up to the full of the Moon and said, "Hello my beautiful companion, your radiance shames anything I could call beauty. I do hope you are well tonight."

Only the poor and uneducated Rabbits still recognized Moon as a true deity. The nobles, in their arrogance, had turned away from the spirits, gods and legends that originally guided their people. In her position as the King’s daughter these same people had placed her upon a religious pedestal and near worshipped her as the old gods had been worshipped. For this reason, no one actually spoke to the Princess as a friend and she carried a loneliness with her that marked her existence deeply. To compensate for this, she spoke to the old gods, finding a close bond with them.

“Oft it is spoke how Conversations with thin air Apply no meaning to any ears,” her father told her once upon walking in on such.

“Through ears not seen The heart does communicate With the gods, Father,” she responded softly.

“They do listen, And they do smile Upon that which is good.”


This night the moon was as silent as ever but she did appear to offer warmth. The young noble smiled bigger and said "You are so kind to give light to darkness when the sun has gone to bed my friend."

In the Moon’s dim light the young doe moved to the bastion wall and looked out over the kingdom’s lands. In a field of the wilds beyond the walls, the moon lit the princesses' vision and she saw one of the Gazelle tribes running and jumping in unison through the field in silent dance.

At first she sneered at the savages in blame for the wars her people and the tribes of the wild had waged to the benefit of neither side. Her father’s angry words concerning the savages echoed in her head and she almost began shouting them as well. Then her eyes held fast upon one of the males of the tribe standing still while the others continued their dance to the Moon.

Over the distance, he too was staring right at her.

The Princess averted her eyes but the moon whispered "Look child, he smiles at you."

She looked back to where the stoic male stood and the Moon enhanced her vision. Because of this she saw even from this great distance that he was indeed smiling at her. She blushed deeply and quickly looked away.

“Only love can bridge The lifeless earth created By wars and anger,” the Moon whispered.

The Princess remained to watch the Gazelle tribe until their dance was done. Never once did she sound the alarm which would have roused he father’s sleeping army. When they’d departed, she did not sleep. The young Rabbit could only think about the silhouette of the strong male Gazelle standing so still just to see her. The next morning, the young noble was agitated easily and unable to focus on the people she was serving in her kingdom.

Her father came to her.

"What is wrong daughter? Morning’s Sun rises And you appear indifferent and cold Even unto your own people. What ails you?”

He asked this holding her face in his paws, looking into her eyes with deep concern and love.

"I did not sleep well father, I am very tired today. I am not ill."

She took his large paws in her smaller ones.

"I will still serve my people."

The king smiled softly and hugged his dearest one.


"You are so much like your mother That even when you have nothing left to give, You still give yourself."

He kissed her paws.

"Go now and rest. I will tend my kingdom today."

She happily agreed and fell to her bed falling asleep quickly. In her dreams, she was standing before the shadowed body of the male who so consumed her thoughts.

"Who art thou?" she asked him.

"I am you, dear one."

The male spoke in such a deep and beautiful voice that she could not help but fall into his arms and bury her face into his wild fur.

She awoke with a start to find it was night again. Moon shone brightly this night, lighting her room completely with the blue that only the moon can give. Tossing her covers away, the Princess ran to her balcony and looked over the edge to find the field empty. Not able to fight the urge, she grabbed a heavy cloak and ran for the gates. With Moon’s assistance she snuck around the streets, dodging the guards who were weary with the night. Making the main gate she left silently through the courier’s portal for the guard there was asleep. The Princess then ran as fast as she’d ever run past the farms and into the wilds. Unerringly she made her way to the field of dance and stood in the middle of it before realizing it was lit almost as it were day, the moon shown so brightly that night. Looking about and around in the middle of the field she did not see a trace of the tribe or the male that so captured her heart. "Was it a dream?" she asked almost frantically. "Was he even real?"

Came a breath upon her neck and a voice never heard before but known, "I am very real Princess," he said with his strong tribesman accent. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, his scent wild and earthy. She trembled in fear of the unknown but closed her eyes and leaned upon his muscular frame.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I am you, dear one," he answered in the same crooning voice he’d had in her dream. She turned and gripped him, burying her face in his fur. Being a gentle creature, he allowed for this moment. When it had passed, he took her paw and led her, saying simply, “Come.” The Moon danced in the heavens Lighting the path of love For the pair who embraced such Without question.


This young doe left behind her people, her father, and her home that night. She did not return. She lived among the tribe who welcomed her as one of their own for the male that held her paw was their leader. She lived with him and learned the ways of the tribe with him. Soon she became pregnant.

The young Princess’ name was Penelope.

The tribesman leader's name was Callius.

When the child was born, they saw it was a female with the hooves, horns, muzzle and tail of her father. It also had the ears, eyes, paws and body of her mother. Such a perfect and synergistic combination formed the name of the child in a perfect combination of the names of the parents: Calliope. The Moon looks down upon humanity Watching the nightly progression of life, Marking both joys and sadness Hoping for happiness, not strife.

When she sees naught but a rending Of garments and a yowling of voice Her light dims from bright And in the resulting darkness Bad things go forth into the night.

Since his daughter had gone missing, the King searched for her throughout his kingdom. He searched every house and recruited all of the males, females, and younglings of the entire province to search even more than that. He even hired one of the fierce Coyote Clan trackers, hoping he would find a trace of her scent. This he did, leading the King’s army over the mountains to the adobe winter village of the Gazelle tribe. This they surrounded; held at bay only by the meager defense offered by the people.

The King, who’d accompanied his militia, flew into a rage and drew his sword demanding his daughter be released. When this was not immediately done, he ordered his soldiers to advance into the village.

This they were about to do when Penelope ran forward yelling, "Father stop!"

His heart sank when he saw her painted in the savages' symbols and wearing only the scant loincloth material they used to cover themselves. Callius stood by her side with their child. When the King saw this, he could not bear it. Moving quickly and with no forewarning, he ran the Chieftain through with his blade narrowly missing the babe held in his arms. This single movement sent his army into a blood thirsty frenzy of killing. None were spared.

The King's beloved daughter had committed the ultimate betrayal. So obsessed as the King with this that he did not even hear her screaming at his feet. Nor did he see one of the other females of the tribe grab the babe and run with her into the forest, his soldiers close behind. Looking down upon what once was his pride and joy, he saw nothing more than another savage with no more right to live than the cockroaches in the darkest corners of his castle.
"You’ve betrayed me" he hissed with a heart so broken it could no longer feel. "You know the punishment for such treachery. Come back to me and your punishment will go unanswered." Penelope hung her head and gazed upon her now dead mate. Taking his paws in hers, she held them in much the same way she used to hold her father’s. The King, seeing this, saw nothing else. He stabbed his daughter repeatedly until he was totally winded. Seeing what he’d done, his numb brain understood only hurt and anguish. Reversing his sword, he fell upon it, choosing to die rather than live with what he’d done.

It was said of this day that the Sun shed tears of blood.

The young female who’d taken Calliope was shot several times by the soldier's arrows, but much as the people of the kingdom had loved their Princess, the tribe’s people more loved their Queen. She ran until her body was numb from the damage and the froth at her mouth turned to red foam.

"I will save you little one," she said as she ran.

Knowing the soldiers were closing in, she wrapped the little one tighter in her blanket and hid her in a forest hovel she knew of, spreading her own blood over its dirt floor as if she’d rested there. The soldiers came, and the Coyote was given the girl as a reward for a job well done. He ravaged her as the others watched and then then ate her dying body as she stared un-screaming towards the hovel where the child was hidden; desperately willing the young one to make not a sound.

When it was done, the soldiers and the tracker returned to a dead King lying in the middle of a dead village, and there celebrated this great victory. Already the Rabbit nobles were arguing over who would be the new King. Much drinking, and two deaths later; it was decided.

I sing an ode to the dead King And all he represented In what he could do for me.

I sing a pledge to the new King And all he represents In what he can do for me.

The King is dead, Long live the new King.

It was now night and a light snow fell as the end of autumn marked the end of the Gazelle tribe. The child remained silent in the forest hovel for a long time.

The day was done and Moon came out, only to see the destruction wrought to a love she knew was of the purest kind. That night she wept a meteor shower after finding her friend and believer slain and left for the scavengers. The Moon franticly sent out her wisps to find the child she’d witnessed born in her light. The wisps searched the forest and found the dead and eaten female. They then heard a small cry as Calliope protested the coldness of the night’s air. A fresh coat of snow covered the hovel as one of the wisps called to her sisters and her mother Moon to see the child was alive. Peering into the hovel, this god of the night found the child to be a simple tan color as her father was with his stripes on her muzzle. Small nubs of horns protruding from her head.

The wisps beseeched their mother to allow them to do something to save the child from freezing, because normally this sort of interaction was forbidden. Moon, understanding their plight, and facing much the same obstacle in her own abilities to help, gave them permission to bless the child with her light and magic.

The wisps then danced and chanted around the youngling turning her color to that of their mother's light so she would always know who saved her, while the magic tattooed her fur with the markings of the mist they kicked up during their dance. The symbol of magic in this world is a swirl, and such was made on the palm of her right paw so she would know how she was saved. The Moon and her wisps, concentrating as much as they were, did not see an old tortoise watching the blessings. He was a traveling mystic and vendor of magic items, and in the forest this night only searching for the bark of a specific tree. He’d watched in awe the dance of the fae and then witnessed a forbidden Halfling be blessed by the Moon herself.

Coming slowly into the clearing where the hovel was, he bowed to Moon and her wisps. "If I may,” he said with the utmost of humility, “By the great powers of the world, I would like to offer a gesture because of your kindness in this obvious time of need?"

The wisps looked toward their mother who came fully down to the Earth in the form of a beautiful white deer dressed only in the blue of her light. "You have worshiped us all good tortoise for your 238 years of long life,” she replied for them all. “This youngling has no family. Her mother was...my friend." Moon almost sobbed with this pronouncement. "She needs someone to care for her until she is able to walk alone, will you do this for me?"

The tortoise bowed even more deeply at this honor. "I will my lady Celeste; my goddess of the night." he said reverently. "Any friend of my lady is a brother or sister to me." He looked at the child who was staring at him through golden eyes. "Or in this case, she will be like my own daughter." The wisps handed him the child who did not cry but touched the old tortoise’s face much like her mother touched the face of her father and smiled at him. His heart melted and he hugged the little one close. "She will not come to harm with me my lady," he swore, "I will protect her and raise her knowing the truth of her beginnings." He thought for a moment. "Forgive my ignorance my most beautiful lady of the night, but what IS this child's story? I have never seen the likes of her kind in my travels. She does not actually appear to belong in this world." The moon told him the story and the old tortoise cried as he held the child close. "My lovely lady," the mystic told the god, looking horrified as he spoke, "I do not know if I will be able to tell such a horrible thing to such a beautiful child."

The moon looked kindly at the old reptile. "Your cold blood does not mean you have a cold heart does it my reptilian friend?" She smiled kindly. "She will dance with me nightly for comfort, but she MUST know her story. Tell her the beautiful parts of the story and how she is made because of it."

Moon kissed the old male’s forehead and started to ascend. "My lady!" he called after her. "What is the child's name?"

The god smiled sadly as she again took her place as the light of the night sky. "Her name is Calliope."
The moon ascended completely now as the sun started to show its light on the horizon. As his light became stronger, her light became lesser until she finally vanished from sight.

The old tortoise took the babe back to his cart on the road. From that day he raised her as his own, telling her his story, and her story many many times.

She grew up kind as was her mother but strong as was her father. Through the Tortoise’s tutelage, she also practiced majick and danced naked in the moonlight with her sisters the wisps, singing with her savior the Moon.

Her life continues as such now.

Another interesting dream.
I was on an island where a party was going on at night. Typical beach party with the tiki torches, lantern string lights, a bonfire, a little hut bar serving drinks, and a bunch of people I didn't know.
I got bored with the fake luau music and the full moon was so lovely so i decided to walk on my own down the beach. The sounds got further away and before i knew it, the gentle waves, the calm breeze, and the rustle of the semi distant royal palms was all i could hear. The moon was so bright, there was no need for a flashlight to guide your way. The stars were twinkling brightly.
I came to a small sand bar connecting the island i was on to another island about 20 feet from the one i was on. The bright moonlight shone through the now close royal palms and glittered on the water the same way the sun does in the day. I walked across the sand bar to the other island. Through the palms the light was more filtered on this island and it made this island more dark. The wind through the trees started to sound a little like people wailing. The breeze picked up and for some reason I walked further into the dark and further away from the only people i knew would hear me if i needed help.
The more i walked forward, the more the wind seemed to try and hide what sounded like people screaming in pain, children (babies) shrieking at a sudden, sharp, injury. For some reason, i continued forward despite the sick feeling i had from the fear i was feeling. The screams were clear now, and i smelled copper and rot. A sickeningly sweet smell that made me want to continue to inhale deeply and vomit at the same time.
I stepped in something wet and looked down as one of the branches of the trees was moved by the wind and saw i was walking on a human skin. The skin slid backward into the darkness as i heard crunching and screaming all around me. It was a feast. I was invited to dinner...as dinner.
I ran. I ran as fast as i could in sand. I stepped on a fallen palm frond and cut my foot. I buckled and fell to my knees. I stood back up and started running again. This is when i became aware that "they" were behind me. The blood from my foot made them realize i was there and drove them into a frenzy it seemed.
The palms seemed to extend further and further. Much farther than when i first walked in. They looked like they were sprouting into new full grown trees as i continued forward. I kept going no matter what. I finally made it to the sand bar, but the island i came from was WAY farther away than i remembered and the sand bard was way deeper than just to my ankles. I waded out into the water as i heard "them splashing and grunting behind me. I didn't turn around. I started going deeper into the water. "Fuck," i thought. "Sharks!" I hurried up thinking that any moment i would have jaws coming up and biting off my leg.
I made it to the other island and to the party. I was frantically trying to tell people what i saw and how my foot got cut but they thought i had some "bad drugs" wrapped my foot and got me into an ambulance.
At the hospital i tested negative for drugs and alcohol. They sewed up my foot and sent me home. I was stating at a hotel at the time (for the party i guess) and was laying down to go to sleep, when i heard trees rustling outside. They sounded like palm trees. I heard what i thought was the sound of wailing under the rustling of the fronds. I looked out my window, and saw i was on an island...covered in royal palms...as the large full moon shone brightly.
I woke up.
Do i need counseling?

These nightmares...tonight it was about me, my sister, Danny from game grumps, Isabel and some random person I have never met (reminded me a lot of cyborg from the original teen titans)going to an antique shop.

This shop was run by a really skinny lady I have never seen before. Very energetic and knew her stuff about antiques.

I found a 110 yr old kids toy (it was a lighthouse) that I really thought was cool. The lady offered us tea and talked about what we found and the history behind the items. All the items had kind of a dark past. My light house for instance was the only surviving item of a house fire that the child who owned it started.

We all were saying goodbye and I had to use the restroom (tea makes me have to pee) so I asked where her customer restroom was. She directed me to the back of her house like shop (meaning she used and antique house to run her antique shop) and used the restroom.

When I came out the others had gone to the car to wait. The lights were kind of out like she had closed shop in the minute it took me to use the bathroom.

I left the store with my item and headed toward a black car I had never seen but felt familiar with. When I got into the car I noticed that Isabel wasn't there. I asked where she was. I was given the "I thought she was with you" statement. We all looked at each other and decided to go back in to see where she went to.

We went up to the door to find it was locked. We banged on the door for and minute shouting "hello" then Danny came up with an idea to go around back and see if a door back there was still open.

We all travelled around back and up some wooden stairs that led to a porch and a single white back door. It wasn't unlocked. So....we broke in. I don't know why we did but we were sure that Isabel was in there.

We were in twos sneaking around the house when we heard the antique lady walking up from somewhere in the house at a scary fast pace. We hid behind various things. She didn't find us but her behavior was odd. She easy muttering to herself and pacing as seen was making her way through the house.

We went down the stairs to find a large room with a TV on and Isabel asleep on a bed. All of us found this very strange as she was awake less than 10 minutes ago. We tried to wake her but to no avail.

The cyborg look alike picked Isabel up and we were about to leave down the stairs when the antique lady came walking from the dark around the bottom of the stairs saying in a loud and very psycho sounding voice "I need it! I neeeeedd iiitttt!"

We all had no idea what "it" was but we decided not to ask and just started to sneak the hell out of there. My sister ran to go start the car. We had to avoid the antique lady by dodging and hiding on out way to the back door.

Right as we made it out the door (after we unlocked it....odd cus we unlocked it when we broke in), I hear a whisper right in my ear, "you can't leave" then a shriek "I NEED IT!"

I bolted. Cyborg doppelganger also bolted with Isabel in his arms and down the stairs we went. The very thin antique lady was following behind breathing like she was fucking nuts. Somehow it became night (dreams right?) and my sister and Danny were waiting in the car screaming at us that she was coming.

I open the door, he throws Isabel in the back and jumps in like superman closing and locking the door behind him. I also get in the back seat and make it to the front as this lady comes hauling ass at the car screaming "I NEEEEEDD IIIIITTTT!" With her voice becoming higher and higher in the "it" (like scaling up into a song) until it's just a scream. Her eyes...I can't even describe how terrifying they were in my rear view.

I floor it and make it out of the parking lot, down the road and past the first light (which I blow through). We make it to a bridge (I think the Howard Franklin) then danny calls the cops. He's talking with them for a minute then gets a horrified look on his face. He thanks the officer, hangs up and stares into the distance.

We all ask what's wrong and he proceeds to tell us that the officer said the house we were all in was just an empty parking lot. There was no residence or shop there.

All of all sudden Isabel wakes up, sits up, eyes wide and looks all me through the rear view. I ask if she's okay. She whispers something I can't hear. I ask her to say it again. She yells "I NEEEED IIIITT!" and her mouth as she's screaming becomes more wide than humanly possible and she attacks.

I woke up.

I'm not telling you this to frighten you. I wrote this in hopes that it makes it go away. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Sorry if I give you nightmares too!

Okay folks. Just a little heads up. No one said you have to like me. Or be my friend. It's a shame I say this to grown folks but apparently I do. If you don't like me, okay. You don't have to pretend to to spare my feelings. If you don't want to be my friend, okay. You don't have to act like you want to be around me or act like you want me around you.

I realize I'm a lot to handle. I'm loud, and often annoying. I speak my mind and often it's not what others want to hear. I have an opinion different from many. I am kind of pushy (I honestly don't mean to be) and am hurt easily by simple actions of those pretending to like me or be my friend only to show how they really feel when me being me aggitated them to their breaking point.

I know I'm not perfect. But I'm also not a liar and will not lead someone on to believing I like them or want to be their friend when i don't. All I ask is for the same resect. Please don't try and make me believe we are friends or that you care about me. It hurts more to find out what you really think after I think I matter to you than knowing I never did at all.

Thanks so much.

made this sound amazing. This is for 's book he's making. Thank you for letting me be a part of this

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19566517/

Just a little video for your new year entertainment
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HbOs2.....;feature=share

From me and my bunneh.


Merry Christmas friends! https://t.co/KxA3HtW4Ke

Merry Christmas my loves. Happy Yule, Glorious Festivus, Or just happy day. It is on a day that we receive gifts that I am reminded that you guys are some of the best gifts I could ever recive. Have a wonderful holiday <3

Genuinely hurt. Some don't seem to realize the power of their words. I may seem like a tough, cold hearted bitch who has no soul and doesn't care, but honestly, things said by people I know (whether friend or not) hurt me more than I let on.

People tell me "Oh it's just words" and "Just ignore it." People kill themselves over the words of others. Words are an expression of feelings. They have a communicative purpose of letting someone else know how you feel or what you think. Humans are programmed to respond to them (how the words are said and by whom) and this programmed response is what makes words hurt.

I don't care who you think you are or how tough you try to be or even how much you talk about someone else to try and counter the things said about you, it will still hurt. It will still eat at you. The words will still kill you inside a little at a time, and I'm dieing from the words spoken about me.

Perhaps its thought that I don't know whats said about me. Perhaps its thought that I will only retaliate with more hate instead of being so hurt I completely take myself out of any situation I would feel forced to defend myself and make myself look bad because I'm so sick of it i can't take it anymore with the "Well I heard" and the "Well I was told".
Perhaps the people speaking this slander and spreading these lies and rumors don't think the words they speak are shared with me.

Either way, when I choose to try and keep myself from being hurt by these words by keeping away from those speaking them, I am still spoken about. My name is still in the mouths of these people spitting venom and trying to turn people against me. This makes me retaliate by keeping as far away from people (including my friends for fear they will believe the slander) as I can get, hating myself, doubting my worth, and creating scenarios about what is being said with all the back stabbing. I have even considered removing myself from everything and everyone because no matter what I do (even if it's nothing) I have done something to make these horrible words spoken.

I have said and done things I did not even know I have said and done according to these heart breakingly untrue, unfounded, unwarranted, and especially undeserved words. But they don't care. They never will. They are too busy building an empire of lies, slander, and creating fabrications to turn people against me, and more hurtful still, to turn me against myself.

So I will leave YOU with this, despite what you have said about me, what you have made others say about me, what others say about my feeling and actions, and how much you think you have to try and beat me down to get what you want, remember that I have done NOTHING to continue this bullshit. I have said nothing, I have acted in NO WAY as I have been portrayed (and I have proof), and though I'm sure enough has been said about you that you have grown cold to it, not everyone is the cold hearted, tyranical bitch you make them out to be.

Please remember that the next time you twist those words, make up stories, lie about circumstances and what's actually going on, and try to bring others into it like you are the victim when the attack is not on you, you are making it on me. I know a lot more than you think I do. Remember that as well.

If you read this far, I'm sorry. Journals are for whatever you want them to be. Today it is my life journal; my diary of sorts to try and better explain my situation to those who seem to only want to make it worse or misconstrue my reasoning.

Just leaving this here cus I would like to know what kind of sounds your sonas make! Some of you know Calliope's sound, so what do you sound like? :D

look look the journal is there! read eeeetttttt ;D

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:38391238
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:38391238
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:38391238