The holidaze makes me anxious. People act so fuckin' weird this time of year; the whole goddamn month. They rush stores to mass buy things they don't need, everything is lit up and people are all dressed up for the season. I have no family to celebrate with. Which is probably the big thing. That and I work retail. I'm thankful that I don't have a cash register anymore, but still. The store is bottlenecking, which makes it difficult to do my job.

The holiday I do like? Valentine's. Love the aesthetic. But I have someone to celebrate with. I like the colors. I like how the stores don't bombard you with music related to the holiday first thing at the end of January up until the fucking date. Even if it did, it's only 2 weeks and not an entire month. I like how it's more subtle. Sure, companies still want you to buy things, but people don't rush the stores for a greeting card, chocolate and flowers. There's no special dinner. Well, there is, but it's not like, a specialized dinner. People aren't acting like they'll die if they don't get the right bread for it.

NYE is another holiday I can't stand. First off, it's just celebrating the changing of the year. What's the big damn deal? Seriously. Why is this a time to get batshit drunk and act crazy?

Yep, that title rolls off of the tongue.

1. I’m left handed.

2.I like collecting old forms of media; CDs, Vinyls, Cassettes. I don’t have a vast collection, but I’m budding one. If I had more money, it’d be a lot bigger a lot sooner. It’s mostly Maynard related, but eventually I plan to extend outward to Ozzy, Breaking Benjamin and Linkin Park.

3.Music is vastly important to me because I feel like without it, I’d be a very different person. Maynard’s lyrics defied me to grow. Breaking Benjamin’s lyrics make me feel like someone understands. Ozzy’s lyrics remind me that it’s ok to be a lil crazy.

4. Catt was devised when I was 6, and Flickie was devised when I was 18.

5. Other than money and mental health complications, I suppose I’m where I want to be in life. I’m happily married, no kids, and I have 3 kitters. I’m not “actually” married, but we consider ourselves to be.

6. I’ve only had 2 relationships, and my current relationship is my second.

7. I stepped down from my pharmacy job due to my mental health issues. I fear that it won’t be understood by the court system when I go before them another time to fight for my ssi, but I couldn’t handle the stress. I loved the medicine and the math, but I couldn’t keep up. I still am employed, but I’m now a “Sanitaur”, someone who keeps the store clean and tidy for Covid.

8. I’m scared of my future. Unless I get the ssi, I have no idea what to expect.

9. I can’t game anymore. It makes me anxious.

10. I have astigmatisms in both my eyes. That’s why I wear glasses.

11. I have liver disease. It’s not very aggressive, and if I could get the motivation to lose weight I could probably control it better, but it is what it is.

12. I struggle with my weight in part because of PCOS. It makes me “Pre-cancerous” but I don’t actually have cancer.

13. I hallucinate a lot. I probably shouldn’t have a job, but I can’t get the courts to take my mental health seriously.

14. If it weren’t for Flickie, I’d have probably offed myself a long time ago. The desire is still quite strong within me, but I feel the need to protect him and help him have a home. Without me and my income, he’d be homeless. His mental health complications prevent him from making a lot of money as well, so he relies on my income to make up the difference. For a while he did try to take care of both of us, but he couldn’t handle it.

15. Despite the major issues and pure evil that is my parents, I do miss them. I have select fond memories that crop up, especially when I listen to certain songs, and a part of me will always want to reach out to them. I stymie the urge every time, and either way, Flickie will not support me if I do. He won’t prevent me, but he won’t be happy about it. Which is preventative enough, but no, I don’t feel “controlled” into not reaching out. It’s complicated...

16. I’m not as girlie as I design Catt to be. She’s a “safe space” for that so I enable her to be as girlie as I’d like to be. I wear denim and band tees irl.

17. I’m boring.

18. I love all my friends dearly, and I always hope they’ll reach out to me because I don’t want to be a bother. I never know how to initiate a conversation, but I’m happy to be a part of one if you invite me.

19. I’m both needy and standoffish, but I only display my standoffish nature to uphold looking strong. The truth is that I’m very lonely and just want a friend.

20. I hope someone reads this.

I want to make myself birthday art (Jan 3) but idk what.

I haven't drawn Aegis in a while. Nor Filament and Cherrie. I should remedy this.

I've used Gimp for a long time back when I did my art by mouse and let me tell you, it was great. Well, Gimp doesn't support the Surface and I -think- it doesn't support the Intuos, but I'll have to check it out later on my PC. I really miss a lot of it's features. I love ClipStudio, that's my baby, but damn if it doesn't have some of the things Gimpy does. I love using multiple programs for a picture. It's how I used to draw back when I had PS. I'd hop between it and Gimp and SAI. I don't mess with SAI much anymore since I got more comfortable with my lineart...

Anyway, I miss Gimp. It's the poor man's PS.

Flickie pointed out that my outfits are kinda under detailed. Comparatively. At first I didn't quite see it, but I kinda do now... So, I gotta step it up a little. Not sure how quite yet, but I'm going to tinker around more. He also mentioned that I don't really do scenery and some other bad habits I do.

tbh I kinda felt like I've been in an artistic rut for a while now. I'm somewhat ok with posing- -give or take- -but I don't really mess around with backgrounds as much as I should. In part it's because I can't think of anything but that's only an excuse. sfx only goes so far. I have a lot of bad artist habits to break and I guess my pre-New Year's resolution is to break them. As much as I hate NYRs (I feel like they're mostly insincere) the timing works out I suppose. I've got a few items in the works that don't pertain but after those are finished I guess that's it for "bad habits". I've made some really good art when I put my mind to it, and I want to produce way more in that vein again. I know I can do better so I should really do that if I can...

It'll be good for me. I guess the reason I got into the rut in the first place is that I get anxious to finish a piece. I lost sight of the reason I draw in the first place. I like playing with colors, I like showing off, but... What's the point if it's bland?

So it says in my thing that I'm F (cis). I am. I'm born female and I'm cis. However, I identify nonbinary; "gray girl". I don't always feel like I'm a girl. I agree with my sex (female) and present femme when I'm feeling like being a girl, but irl, I'm more often than not androgynous. My pronouns are she/they. I'm comfortable with them being interchangable at any time. So if you're used to me as one, that's fine. If you're more comfortable thinking of me as another, that's fine too.

"Catt" is often presented as femme because she is a safe space for that. Masc Catt is more androgynous because they (and not he) are my identity for my androgynous persona (but they do have a male sex). Despite being presented masc, they are not an indicator that I am anywhere near being trans. I feel like because I'm comfortable; prefer my sex, I can't be trans.

For the first 16 years of my life or so I thought I wished I was a boy, but in hindsight, I just wanted to be seen as an equal. I was always intrigued by looking androgynous at times, and felt like that represented how I saw myself. Other times, I liked looking femme... until it was time to leave the house. I would sometimes try to go to school or to outings as femme, but I often felt suffocated or weird. Out of place. Sometimes it was because of the negative attention presenting femme can bring, and sometimes it was because I wasn't in a femme frame of mind.

Now I can't really afford femme looks, femme isn't cheap, lol. And I'm ok with this. Catt is femme. Masc Catt is androgynous. They're both safespaces for both identities. Granted, I identify with Femme Catt more, yes, because of who I am, but I do have fun designing femme clothing. Plus, she's shipped with cishet male Flickie. Cishet femme Flickie isn't an identity for Flickie. He has no real use for her other than a counterpart for Masc Catt. He likes her, and is happy to have a femme OC, but doesn't really need her like I need my masc OC.

This is confusing isn't it...

Check it out if you're interested!

I'm not doing so hot so I'm probably gonna drag ass on owed art until Saturday or Monday. Personals will probably pop up tho. Just a forewarn.

Started working on a few owed arts in no particular order, didn't finish any of 'em, but they're all set to color now. And I got a migraine. I get them a lot. Like... a lot. I take a few rxs for them, but they get bad.

Don't worry, I'm still a furry! I'm just getting the urge to try different things. I like mandalas, surrealism and other styles of art. Alex Gray is one of my favorite artists, and I wanna try to learn how to draw like that too. I probably will fall short, but I want to TRY.

But I can't stay away from doing up Catt and Flickie and the rare pic of my off-cast. I just have a lot of ideas bubbling around at the surface of my mind and I want to pin them down. I hope this won't be a bore for those of you who follow me for my character-related artwork.

And for any of you who spy on  hoperioncattharsis, there'll be an influx of YCHs, so if you're interested in any of them hmu! I want to keep this inspiration train on the tracks. I have a lot of time this week so hopefully migraines won't stymie anything.

I also have to be mindful of  rat-of-the-darkages's trade too, which is after some owed art is completed. I can't wait to hop onto that, the character I'm to draw looked really interesting. I've never done a snail gal before. Not an anthro anyway. Think I drew Sliggo once.

And I don't think Plooshies has any more interest, so I'll just work with the interest in it I got. Oh wells. I'll make a small pile, xD. I know who I wanna use of the people who asked. Y'all are gonna be SO PATCHY.

I've been feeling "frisque" though, xD so I might reup on that, xD. Haven't decided on a theme, but thought it might be fun. Might just do some aimless shit since that's always fun I guess. I also have other OCs that need to be drawn eventually, but Catt's so much fun to do, so I mean, wtf. She's so colorful and wears all my favorite clothes xD. I also need to reup her ref sheet, one for her OOC rendition. Flickie too. *flop* Especially for ol' long ears. I've been kinda sloppy with his markings. It's been annoying since he went asym. Not that I mind it being asymmetrical, but it's a lot to remember. Thank god he likes long sleeves :3.

I'm up for a user-friendly AMA, so if anyone's around, go for it, so long as it's sfw. Or not. IDK. I can always pass if it's too weird, lmao.

Anyone on Steam? I'm Catt Starr. Feel free to add me. I can't add you since I never bought my own games, they've all been gifted, and evidently, if you don't buy your own games, you can't add friends. You can only be added. It's cool though, I plan on buying myself the Ys eventually. So long as I git monies somehow. Commissions ain't rollin' in as much as they've been in the past-y, so sadly, I've been kinda strapped. Plus, this stupid archaic gas station accidentally charged me $114 for a $14 purchase. They refunded it, but it takes like 3 days for the banks to figure shit out, so there's that. Just as well, I had to be late on rent anyhow, lost hours and what not. I need a better job. I've been looking, trust me, but it's been really hard what with Covid and all. Plus, since I've been with my store for 5 years, it's hard to find anything that pays more than what I make for the hours I need. And getting disability is also not a cake walk since for some reason they don't think I'm mentally ill, despite my doctor's stating I am. Don't get that. At all. Like yes, I work pt. Yes, I had a ft job for like 6 months. Couldn't do it. That's why I don't anymore. TF.

Thinking about offering doodle commissions for a whopping $2 per. They'd turn out like https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39398830/
Flat coloring for it would jack it up to $4. Wouldn't shade it, think that would be too much for a doodle.

Anyone have opinions on doodle commissions? Worth anyone's time?

Now I took a sabbatical from my story because I got overwhelmed with it and decided to just take the rest of the year off. However, the story echoes in my mind. I'm going to begin the plot again in January, writing it first in novel format, then converting it over into a graphic novel.

The story has plagued me for nearly a decade-and-a-half now, and I just couldn't shake the idea away. I still can't. I feel like it has to happen. I also feel like I'm not a good enough artist to create it, so I had put the project on the back burner for a long time, hoping for the day where I was good enough to write it. The same for it's counterpart, Virus C. Which contains similar casting, yet a wildly different universe.

Stories are hard to write. I get too many ideas and want to go into too many directions. Especially when I devise a new character. I hyper fixate, and overwhelm myself. And wind up writing out of order. So... I'm not gonna let any of that happen in January.
-

I'm also still going to do the Plooshies, I was just kinda hanging back until I got a little more of an interest in it because I wanted to make a pile. Tell yo frienz! It's free, so... like, why not? Mebbe we can be frienz too.

Hello~

So I've made a YCH template for a Ferris Wheel Date and have an example for how it'll turn out! If anyone is interested, please let me know!

Commissions are also open if you'd prefer something more specific, but I thought the YCH could be fun!

Anyone need any commissions? Check out  hoperioncattharsis for my commissions I've done in the past, or my main gallery here for ideas. I could always use the extra income as I work part time.

Money's a little tight at the moment. I got a commission from my good friend  letrune which helped a ton, but if anyone else needs anything, I'm always open. Please contact me here or my Discord CattStarr#4359 if interested!

So I'm about partway done with both of my commissions. Took a mild break to work on some personals but I'm back at it now. I get distracted, and I do apologize. I don't want to rush my commissions for worry they'll come out badly, but I also don't want to delay them more than necessary. So, rock and hard place at times.

No worries though, I'm in a good place with both.

Sooooo...

Who wants to be plushiefied?

I was thinking of plushiefying a few people who'd like it, a la https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39076908/ if interested. Some details may be modified to fit my vision, so please be aware. I can do dreads and -some- hair styles if desired but tbh I'd like to avoid hair since they're teddies. Dreads are ok since well, those could easily be patchy and plushie.

Soooooo

Yeah.

If you'd like in, slap a ref in the comments, tell me what colors to AVOID if any, and we'll see what falls out of my stylus. I'd like to, ideally, make a pile. So I hope i get a decent amount of interest.

Hey y'all, I'm on Venmo now.
https://venmo.com/i/Catt-Starr

Still kinda working out some kinks ⚒ but that is mostly with the website. I still prefer PayPal, but if you like Venmo, I exist there too now.

My Surface charger isn't working properly. Does anyone need commissions? The replacement is $130.

Please?

Are there any cheapo ychs? I can't buy for a good while, but I see a TON of nsfw ones, and well, while I don't MIND nsfw (Hell, I draw that) I wish there were more sfws. I feel like they're more creative. I was thinking of making a sfw ych raffle for my  hoperioncattharsis account... but am unsure what base to use... Maybe my recent pic of Bloo. It makes me laugh... xD

Not that I'm pushing the ych, but if I did, would anyone be interested in joining in on the raffle here? Or should I solely advertise it there, to avoid flooding your feed with my ads?

Well, I got a little bit of music themed art out there, but I was struggling with my "masterpiece".

So I'll just spoil it.

I was gonna try really, really hard to draw Maynard. I'm still a-gonna, I have a really skilled friend of mine redlining my sketch for me based off of the photo I was using. Incidentally, the pic has nothing to do with his music, but I mean, the man's in 3 bands, he doesn't have to be jammin' alright? The pic was about his wine. It was a hard pose (for me) and I was struggling to make it look like him. I mean, it looked peopley enough, but the face kept coming out too round. Maymay has a thin face.

I considered re-joining, but tbh I don't know what to offer. I have the same probs with Twitch. I can do speed sketches I guess, but it didn't look like there was much interest in people coming for free art from yours truly. So idk. Maybe I just need a bigger following.


I haven't given up, I'm just a little beside myself. I know I can always improve, always. But is my current skill level that bad? Be brutal. Well, be kind, but be honest. Friends have advised I find a niche, and I'm finding vore and general nsfw to be a bit inviting, but I'm not too invested in either to tell ya the truth. So I'm happy a few regulars enjoy buying vore from me. It keeps the gallery nice and vorey. And I do dabble in my personal gallery from time to time anyway. Same with nsfw on my FA.


I stepped down from the pharmacy. Starting 11-1, I work as a "Sanitaur" for the same grocery store. I lost $2/hr in the process, but I don't want to have any more meltdowns or suicide attempts because of work anymore. I figured the loss of income might be worth it. But I need to make up the loss of income somewhere.


I'm also considering offering fiction commissions, but am unsure how to price them. I do write, although I haven't shared my writing with many people. Flickie doesn't have the attention span for it, and my friend  draikar doesn't always have time to read it, lol. Which both are legitimate reasons. So if anyone DOES have the interest and time to read my works, I hope you'll contact me. I could really use another avenue for income.


In the meantime, I'm looking for good advice from any of my successful friends who get commissions. If it's a matter of skill, as I say, be honest with me. If not, I understand niches, but is there anything else I could do to network better?

17 god damned years I been with my bunny. Happy anniversary to us, xD