I got commissions to do but these migraines got me beat down. I just don't wanna work on anything. I woke up ok and made the Bloo pic as a warm up and then the migraine kicked in and kicked my ass...

Getting an easier job... Finally.

A strong part of my stress and anxiety issues is my job. And so, I have decided to leave my department. I'm going to be doing less intense work. I'll be the Walmart greeter of our store, but still making what a pharmacy tech makes. Yay for technicality.

For a long time I thought I was a fucking moron. But when I'm home, I'm just as smart as I've ever been. When I'm at work, I'm an idiot. You'd swear I'd never done math before in my life. My coworkers seem to do just swell but me, I'm super stupid on the clock.

True, I'm wet behind the ears in a lot of realms. My art is proof I'm no pro. And I'm not really pro with anything. I think my selling point is my ability to talk and listen. Which doesn't feel like a whole, whole lot.

Anyway, I'm in a good mood now because of this. My vacation starts the week after next and then the shift begins.

So I finished some owed arts, gonna do a little more on commissions, then u-turn to my trade. It's been on my mind as I'd been conceptualizing the point of the drawing for a while. I think I have a good idea for it. I may find time to sketch it later today, not sure. My hand is really pissed off at me from all the progress I've made over the last 3 days. But I'm trying to get everything done while I'm high on hypomania and while I have the time. If only I was ambidextrous, xD.

I still could use more commishes, but things are a lot better now. So I'm really not upset about Rocktober being rocked out. And I'm promised more once these are complete, which is part of the motivation. It's not so much that the slots are full, I don't really close off slots yet, not that popular xD, just that my client didn't want to pay that much at once. Which I totes get. Plus, I might have felt a little overwhelmed with 7 commissions owed to one person.

If not for Flickie's car wreck, this would be more than enough. but it certainly put us even. Flickie needs new brakes, a new tire and I need stuff too. I owe some money to my granny. She helped me out with some bills a few months back when we were down on our luck due to a second Covid quarantine. I didn't get my unemployment straight away so by the time I got it, we needed it for his wreck and other expenses. I'm about half paid up with her, and I think I can put another dent in my debt this month, gotta pay some bills first and see. She's being incredibly flexible with me.

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Working on some new OCs and Locke and f-Flickie's story. Kinda distracting from more important stories, but I'm intrigued by them, lol. Their story is a comedy, more of a comedy than a romcom, but hey, they're in love so... Y'know.

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My emotional status is all over the place. Some days I'm ready to end it all, some days I'm bouncy and happy. All days I've at least thought about ending it one way or another. I need a major change in my life. Looking at my employment. I'm not sure how just yet. I've applied at a few weed dispensaries, and asked HR at work about switching departments, and which one might be a better fit for someone like me, but no response from either. Work is slow with these kinds of things, and I -just- applied to the dispensaries, so I'm not too worried about that yet. I'm also keeping my eyes out on other places I think I could handle.

I also had my hearing 2 weeks ago for Disability. Obviously I hope for t he best, but this is my 3rd try at this. I hope in seeing that I try to work pt, they might be more willing to give me SOMETHING. Then, I could widen my search to lower paying jobs, and heighten my chances of leaving the pharmacy. Simply put, between my coworkers taking my call-offs personally and the pace of the job, and my hallucinations, bipolar, ptsd and adhd getting in the way, causing said call-offs, I can't do this anymore. It was easier before my old boss stepped down, but my new boss is kinda orchestrating hatred toward me because I have mental illnesses. So naturally it makes it all the more stressful. I'm terrified of having a nervous breakdown on the clock. Worried I'll either get hospitalized, fired, or both. Granted, sometimes I think I need to be hospitalized, but without Disability, that's not possible financially. I have to hope I don't do anything too crazy and just wear my dumbass out.

A man kitsune oc, ya ninnies. I have 2, count em, 2 femmes, but no mascs. I want a nice, ruthless ass of a man. Most of my men are kinda more or less the same temperament, varying levels of "nice". I mean yes, they have unique personae, but it's odd for them to fly off the handle. My wimmims are the firecrackers. I need a masc firecracker.

Working on my anniversary art in between bursts of commission work. Guess I could do the same for Rocktober but tbh I want to plow through the commissions asap. Besides, I defaulted beforehand to doing a major "masterpiece" portrait (does it count if it's a whole body?) of a favorite artist. If you talk to me for a whole minute, the surprise is spoiled.

Which I'll do after everything is done, as a treat. For myself. Hopefully it'll be in October but if not, well that's ok too. 90% of my art is musically inspired anyway.

I went from no commishes to all the commishes, lol. Plus a lovely trade with  rat-of-the-darkages that I know is gonna be bomb as fuck.

Plus plus, I have to make Flickie anniversary art.

I have one commission ready for coloring but the other FOUR are humungous endeavors each. 2 ref sheets and 2 scenes. I haven't done actual scenes in a while, so it'll be nice to flex that muscle again. I'll be quite busy this week and possibly next. Good buddy o' mine on dA. Lotta MLP stuff, so it'll be fun! He knows there's a few items ahead of his, and since I already said I'd do the trade first, I plan on making the sketch for that relatively soon. I was plotting my outfit idea, but I think I have something in mind for the character I was asked to draw.

I just got off of work today too, so I might relax a bit, then make a sketch or two for some peops.

So much for Rocktober, xD

Oh, how do y'all do the icon without the username next to it? I'm is dumb.

I have until October 25th to make anniversary art for Flickie.

I'm supposed to top this:
https://www.deviantart.com/cattstar.....f-Me-708898939

...

How in fuck do I do this?

Wanna?

I have made  hoperioncattharsis here on FA as well. I will be posting commissions there. Liken to the deviantART account, it won't watch you back if you add it. It isn't monitored, so any commission communication is recommended on this account.

I made HC because I wine too much on this one about my emo bullshit and I wanted a more professional account for my commission showcasing. I'll still post ads here as this IS my main account, but HC is where the commissions will go exclusively from now on. You're not obligated to watch it as I'll link you to your commission in case you want to comment or fav it.

It's been on my mind for a while now. I did this on dA and it's about time I do it here since I finally got tread with commissions here too. Plus, some of my dA pals are fine with their commissions being cross-posted, and I do like that I can showcase my vore work for them.

I also dislike my recent ad, so I plan on redoing it, because the pricing doesn't really look right to me, idk. I mean the wording is right, but some of the chosen images don't fit.

Hey all,

sorry to keep the bombardment for commissions going, but Flickie got into a car wreck and I really could use the help still. I haven't gotten any commissions since I last asked, and I'm so sorry to keep probing. I promise that these will die down a bit once things are comfortable, and I'll go back to my bimonthly routine.

My links are all in the header for what you need to know, but a quick guide:

Full colored is $20-30 (detail depending)
Chibi is $10-15 (detail depeding)
Flats are $10-15
Lines are $5-10 ($3-5 if you give me your sketch)
Sketches are $3-5

Some examples of my commissions, trades and gifts:
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....0/For-Others-3

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I'm also unopposed to doing experimental things for commissions like comics/mangas, but as I've NEVER been commissioned for them before, I would need to sketch them out before giving you a price. I would think I'd want a bit of money for them, perhaps a minimum of $50/page.

Samples:
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....-Affairs-Pages

It bottomed out hard and I have other projects to work on... idk if I can do 'em, one-offs are so much easier.

But I owe it to Flickie to try to make his comic. Plus I guess I should leave time for commissions.

Anyone want one? I usually don't get asked for these but I honestly don't mind doin' em. Used to hate lining but lately it's kinda... fun.

Pricing... ugh... yeah. So a normie commission is $30, flats are $15, so I guess $10 would be sufficient? $5 if you have your own sketch you'd like me to line.

Chibis are $15 and $7 respectively, so I guess $5 for lines and $3 if you have your own lines.

Sorry, I'm sounding it out right now. Anyone wanna be my Guinea pig? I'll make it worth yer while.

If you want the lineart transparent to color it, let me know so I can post it to my dA St.ash, and give you the link.

WELL DO YOU!?

I know I have been building up to this for a while, but because of things I'm going through, they're on the back burner for now. I'll come back to everything, I know I will. I promise I will. I'm just emotionally, mentally very sick at the moment.

My art lacks passion but I owe art to people. So I’m trying to work on personals to force-start the passion. Something happened to me this week that just drained the color from my world and I can’t heal.

I still want to draw, but everything I make feels hollow and lacking. The content is there, my skills are up to par. I just don't have the fire. I've done far better, and this is exactly why.

I'm going to continue to work on the art I owe, making progress slowly, but steadily as to not let it fall too far behind, but I have to force myself to stay artistic because if I don't have that then... I'm lost.

So I'll finish up owed art for now, then ...idk. I need the money so I can't close commissions, but they will be rolling out more slowly than normal.

So my appointment bottomed out. I have to go again tomorrow and take the rx somewhere else to get it filled, so I'm going to have to wait a whole week to get my new script.

The place I tried to go to today was not accepting my insurance, so I have to go to a different optometrist. Sadly, they do not make glasses in an hour there. So work will be fun.

And I'm sorry to bombard but it is an emergency situation, but I do need as many commissions as I can get because of this. If you can't buy, please let your friends know that I'm open and available. I can't get anything done until I get the glasses, but I will put your art at the top of my priorities.

I want to buy fast food, lol.

So I got a book on Bipolar, I have one on the way about ADHD and I'll eventually invest in one for PTSD. And these are gonna help me make mental health comics, liken to the ones I've already made, but better. Better quality, better content, etc.

My pickle is... well, do I make an alt account special for these comics or do I just mishmosh them into this one? I feel like I'm a bit chaotic on this account, so... it wouldn't be ideal to post something I want a lot of recognition for here. Not that I really expect to gain traction, but you never know.

I'd been talking to  draikar about it, and it felt like he too had mixed feelings on the notion.

I think for now I'll post whatever I make here, as I've made designated folders for it, and if it feels too messy/tacky, I'll make the account. I'm in a hypomania phase right now, so it's easily me wanting to hyper-organize myself.

I updated my price guide slightly (no price increases) and made a better, newer ad. I don't plan on spamming the ad, at least not how my old watchees were doing it. Multiple times a day is outrageous and makes me not want to buy anything. But I do want to know what would be an appropriate amount of ad spacing? I figure a couple times a month? Or maybe just monthly? I need commissions more around the end of the month to begin with, that's when bills are due.

So um yeah, tell me how often is too often, what's acceptable, and what kind of ads you'd like to see. Would you like to see adopts and YCHs from me? If so, what kinds of YCHs and adopts are appealing to you?

I hate that I did, and no, none of my good buddies were of them, I love having y'alls work flood my inbox. In fact, that's why I did. I watched too many people who way over-advertised their YCHs and commission ads. And it made me self-conscious since I advertise sometimes too.

So I want to know, do I ad too much or are you guys ok with it? The people I unadded would post the same exact ads for YCHs and commissions multiple times a day. And while I liked their work (and in one case, purchased from them), I couldn't deal with that. If I missed a day or two, my inbox was flooded with dups of these ads.

I also follow some great artists who aren't really my friends (I'd like them to be though :) but I'm shy) and I felt like I might have been missing out on their wonderful works because of the influx.

I think my inbox has quieted down now, which is good.

So the vent pieces I've posted helped me a ton. They're very Tool inspired also, in their own right.

There will be a conclusion piece to the series but I have to wrap up some commissions first. The client was very patient with me, letting me get a lot of personal art out of the way first. I kept him in the know the entire time and would have been happy to work more on the commissions if he needed them sooner than later. However, my head space wasn't so great and he was very understanding, like he always is. Very good, close friend of mine.

I've reached a very powerful epiphany and I intend to hold steady to it. It won't be easy, but I owe it to everyone who has ever showed me kindness. I have been running from pain for my entire life. Always running. I overeat to avoid feeling hungry. I oversleep to avoid feeling sad. I avoid exercise because it isn't fun. I push people away when things get hard. I am... Afraid.

If people are willing to try... To put up so much effort to make me happy, to be a part of my life, then I too should meet that effort and be a part of their lives too. I can't promise that mindset will be an easy one to maintain, and I don't know what my mindset will be when mania strikes, but that isn't me. That's my demons, and I have responsibilities to everyone to control it. I have to try my best to fight and to stay alive. Not to exist on the rim of suicide.

Flickie says for him, "suicide isn't an option." and he too has his demons and pain that he faces daily. But he faces them. Sometimes he fails, but he can say he tried. I can't always say the same.

Today I ate less. Today I went to work even though I was in a lot of physical pain. Tomorrow I don't work, so I plan to eat even less and workout. I plan to do some much needed chores. Then I will reward myself with a nap, then work on my commissions. And I will do this for myself and for those who put effort into my life. Because, they have shown me that I'm worth the struggle.

Money is tight and it always will be. While my mental illness doesn't permit me to work more than I do, I do my best to do what I can. And I have to do even better. And I have to be ok. Money will become easier to come by as I continue to go to my shifts without fail. I hope to see commissions roll in more steadily of course, but that is not the point of this.

I had a manic episode the other night.

I hurt Flickie badly. Shattered his trust. He has no intention of leaving me, and he seems ok now... but I threatened my life in a major way. He had to physically restrain me. I was going to leave and do god knows what.

I remember the night intermittently...

I tried to ruin the relationship.

I tried to make him hate me.

I reverted.



This stemmed from an anxiety attack that I took out on him, but it is NOT an excuse. I have to control my mania.

I don't know what happened. I can't seem to keep anything together anymore. I'm always screwed financially, I'm always in a hallucinogenic daze at work and I just can't seem to fight my way out anymore. I just don't want to be here.

If I wind up hospitalized, I'm sorry.

I need to make a new quick guide. I noticed the one I'm using is a little outdated artistically. I still haven't gotten around to modifying my current price guide, which for all intents and purposes isn't incorrect, but there's wording issues now and I offer different things now. So I wanted to make 2; one for Surface commissions and one for pc.

On the note of commissions, Flickie and I are on quarantine from work because someone tested positive for Covid. I have to call Unemployment after we test for Covid and get a Dr's note for missing work Tuesday, so I'll be low on money for an undetermined amount of time. I'm hopeful to get as many commissions as I can, but please do not feel any pressure to do so.

I offer cheapo $5 and $10 chibis (style dependant) Surface commissions if anyone is interested.

I was able to do a quickie collab with  tragicfangirl before my migraine returned. So I didn't really get much in the way of art done today. I work tomorrow, so I will hopefully be able to pick up where I left off on Sunday.

Between owed and personal pieces, I'm getting frustrated with my head. I hate migraines so much and I get them often. Anyone know if hallucinations and migraines are related to one another? And I mean outside of migraine auras.

All day I was battling a fierce migraine. All day. And. In my purse. In a different pocket than the one I typically keep my migraine meds in? Migraine meds. And I had no clue until just now.

I went to the er last night. I'm having a lot of pain and trouble talking and breathing. The doctors couldn't determine a problem. I'm dizzy, flu like symptoms. I don't know what's wrong. I followup with my primary doctor Monday, so hopefully I can see a pulmonary doctor...

Because of how sick I feel, art as a whole will be slow. Commissions take priority, but personal art is basically stymied.