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Reflections...
Posted 17 years agoI've been doing some thinking
This may sound out there, but this is a basic truth:
Each person, animal, plant, rock, Atom and subatomic particle in existence has it's own unique point of view in existence.
As a point of view in existence, the universe we exist in is created completely by us. It is also the mirror we use to see ourselves.
As I continue learning, I realize that every issue I have with others is simply me taking personally anything I may see in them that I also see in myself. THis is important, because that then proves that any problem I have in others, I have with myself.
One of the best examples I can readily think of is that, while working for years in tech support, i have developed a dislike for people who do low quality work, who don't do their job, as I think they should. This could only be because i think somehow that I do low quality work and disapprove of myself for it. This is a very recent realization and I intend to make that part of me harmonious.
I have already started to embrace the way of life where I don't take anything personally, whether it's friends, strangers, that rock I got in my shoe, I don't let anything get to me.
There are some things that I still let get to me, that just tells me that I still have work left to do. I have begun to understand, however, that the only person who I really need to seek acceptance from is... me.
Thank you all for being my mirrors :)
This may sound out there, but this is a basic truth:
Each person, animal, plant, rock, Atom and subatomic particle in existence has it's own unique point of view in existence.
As a point of view in existence, the universe we exist in is created completely by us. It is also the mirror we use to see ourselves.
As I continue learning, I realize that every issue I have with others is simply me taking personally anything I may see in them that I also see in myself. THis is important, because that then proves that any problem I have in others, I have with myself.
One of the best examples I can readily think of is that, while working for years in tech support, i have developed a dislike for people who do low quality work, who don't do their job, as I think they should. This could only be because i think somehow that I do low quality work and disapprove of myself for it. This is a very recent realization and I intend to make that part of me harmonious.
I have already started to embrace the way of life where I don't take anything personally, whether it's friends, strangers, that rock I got in my shoe, I don't let anything get to me.
There are some things that I still let get to me, that just tells me that I still have work left to do. I have begun to understand, however, that the only person who I really need to seek acceptance from is... me.
Thank you all for being my mirrors :)
Sine wave
Posted 17 years ago3:45pm
I just spent the last 20 minutes crying...
I felt like I was a disappointment to all who cared about me, that I was a complete and total screw up.
I was crying because I felt that I am clueless and hopeless.
it seems even when doing the right thing, I end up doing it wrong,
That even though I don't want to I am pushing away all my friends, those that mean everything to me.
That I cant even keep a girlfriend happy.
That even the things that I am good at, I'm not very good at.
That I am worthless.
After a little while I ran out of things to be upset over. I kept trying to be upset, reaching for any reason to be. I wanted to gather up and burn off all this self doubt, self loathing, and self disappointment that has been building up for weeks.
The emptiness I feel after this... it's refreshing, No thoughts no feelings, just nothing.
I am at peace.
11:12pm
I know I'm slow to understand some things, but When you finally see the light, it's an incredible moment.
I spent the evening in conference with my best friends, With whom I've been teamed up with for over 3 years, one since grade school.
The situation is going to change soon and I don't think I was OK yet with it.
For a while, I had put myself under the illusion of feeling like I was the only one pulling in the direction of the long term goals we had been setting. After this evening I realize that there are others joining us, and I won't need to shoulder all the load, this makes me a lot happier to do my part.
I also realized that I am a valuable member of the group and that myself and my grounding nature had just built the foundation for the goals we have set.
My lady friend and I had a heart to heart, we are still friends. We agreed that open honest communication is the only way to go.
I feel great and will go to bed with a smile on my face.
What a difference 8 hours makes
I just spent the last 20 minutes crying...
I felt like I was a disappointment to all who cared about me, that I was a complete and total screw up.
I was crying because I felt that I am clueless and hopeless.
it seems even when doing the right thing, I end up doing it wrong,
That even though I don't want to I am pushing away all my friends, those that mean everything to me.
That I cant even keep a girlfriend happy.
That even the things that I am good at, I'm not very good at.
That I am worthless.
After a little while I ran out of things to be upset over. I kept trying to be upset, reaching for any reason to be. I wanted to gather up and burn off all this self doubt, self loathing, and self disappointment that has been building up for weeks.
The emptiness I feel after this... it's refreshing, No thoughts no feelings, just nothing.
I am at peace.
11:12pm
I know I'm slow to understand some things, but When you finally see the light, it's an incredible moment.
I spent the evening in conference with my best friends, With whom I've been teamed up with for over 3 years, one since grade school.
The situation is going to change soon and I don't think I was OK yet with it.
For a while, I had put myself under the illusion of feeling like I was the only one pulling in the direction of the long term goals we had been setting. After this evening I realize that there are others joining us, and I won't need to shoulder all the load, this makes me a lot happier to do my part.
I also realized that I am a valuable member of the group and that myself and my grounding nature had just built the foundation for the goals we have set.
My lady friend and I had a heart to heart, we are still friends. We agreed that open honest communication is the only way to go.
I feel great and will go to bed with a smile on my face.
What a difference 8 hours makes
It's like pacman with single celled organisms
Posted 17 years agoPWNED!
Posted 17 years agoStrange things are brewing in Arizona...
Posted 17 years agoSpring is exploding all over. The unusual winter rains and temperate climates of late have made it possible for the mountains south of my apartment to explode in greenery.
The hills, usually only populated by sparse brush and cactus is covered with a growing layer of grass and weeds. the only patches that aren't green are the hiking trails.
It's mentioned in the news:
http://img.azcentral.com/news/artic.....owers0218.html
The hills arent the only things affected, there some flowering trees in full bloom I pass by as I go home.
Full bloom, in mid february... in the desert?
It looks like it's going to be a good summer.
The hills, usually only populated by sparse brush and cactus is covered with a growing layer of grass and weeds. the only patches that aren't green are the hiking trails.
It's mentioned in the news:
http://img.azcentral.com/news/artic.....owers0218.html
The hills arent the only things affected, there some flowering trees in full bloom I pass by as I go home.
Full bloom, in mid february... in the desert?
It looks like it's going to be a good summer.
Modern day Magic cards
Posted 18 years agoMore painkiller musings :P
Annoying Child
1/1 gblk(5)
Roll a 6 sided die at the beginning of each player's turn
1 feeding the toilet monster - randomly take one of the player's cards in play and remove it from the game.
2 piercing scream - player can not perform any actions this turn.
3 "Hey look you've got a..." - player must reveal the cards in hand to all other players.
4 Making a mess - collect all cards in play, shuffle them and then each player draws the number of cards they had in play, and puts them back into play on their side.
5-6 good kid - no effects.
Time out - Any player can cancel Child's effects by paying Annoying Child's summoning cost.
If annoying child is killed and sent to the graveyard, an Outraged Mother token creature (gblk 10/3 trampling) is immediately brought into play, player may go through his deck and place a Lawyer card into play. If a Lawyer is brought into play this way, the player must pay his summoning cost at the beginning of his next turn, or lawyer will be moved to graveyard.
Lawyer
2blk(4) 2/5 banding
(2blk)regenerate
Upkeep cost (3)
Ambulance chaser - if Lawyer is in the graveyard, and another creature card is placed on top of it, Lawyer may be returned to play by paying it's summoning cost
Annoying Child
1/1 gblk(5)
Roll a 6 sided die at the beginning of each player's turn
1 feeding the toilet monster - randomly take one of the player's cards in play and remove it from the game.
2 piercing scream - player can not perform any actions this turn.
3 "Hey look you've got a..." - player must reveal the cards in hand to all other players.
4 Making a mess - collect all cards in play, shuffle them and then each player draws the number of cards they had in play, and puts them back into play on their side.
5-6 good kid - no effects.
Time out - Any player can cancel Child's effects by paying Annoying Child's summoning cost.
If annoying child is killed and sent to the graveyard, an Outraged Mother token creature (gblk 10/3 trampling) is immediately brought into play, player may go through his deck and place a Lawyer card into play. If a Lawyer is brought into play this way, the player must pay his summoning cost at the beginning of his next turn, or lawyer will be moved to graveyard.
Lawyer
2blk(4) 2/5 banding
(2blk)regenerate
Upkeep cost (3)
Ambulance chaser - if Lawyer is in the graveyard, and another creature card is placed on top of it, Lawyer may be returned to play by paying it's summoning cost
Oh the blasphemy, it is delicious.
Posted 18 years agoThis is the stuff my brain comes up with under painkillers.
"Madness... THIS IS Operaaaaaa!!!!!!!!"
300, the musical.
Gary
"Madness... THIS IS Operaaaaaa!!!!!!!!"
300, the musical.
Gary
Give it up for the B-man!
Posted 18 years agohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1rRjCZDpiA
I dont know how to post furafinnity links so here's his FA page:
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/betelguese/
I dont know how to post furafinnity links so here's his FA page:
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/betelguese/
An update on the Horse.
Posted 18 years agoWeird, I seem to keep picking special days or holidays to update this thing.
Well I am happily moved into my own place. I really enjoy having a place where I can just relax in and make it my own.
My switch to the chat queue never happened, I had a realization that I enjoyed doing chain mail and I needed my hands free to do that at work, so I declined and choose to stick with the headset.
My up and coming schedule is essentially the same, except I start an hour and fifteen minutes earlier. Not much of a change. I was looking for a morning schedule, but I am not worried.
I have seen signs of an end to me working at Etelecare, and it's an extremely positive end at that.
I have so many ideas spinning around in my head, I'm just waiting for the right time to act on them.
In the mean time, I keep myself occupied with chain mail and other metal sculpture. On that note, I have some bracelets already made and will try to get pictures so I can sell them. I continue to get slowly better in metal craft, So each new piece I complete will make the next one that much better.
I haven't given up on finding someone to share my privacy with. I am still looking, I just need to buck up the courage now and then.
That's it for me, at least tonight.
Your friendly neighborhood Clydesdale,
Gary/Cedric
Well I am happily moved into my own place. I really enjoy having a place where I can just relax in and make it my own.
My switch to the chat queue never happened, I had a realization that I enjoyed doing chain mail and I needed my hands free to do that at work, so I declined and choose to stick with the headset.
My up and coming schedule is essentially the same, except I start an hour and fifteen minutes earlier. Not much of a change. I was looking for a morning schedule, but I am not worried.
I have seen signs of an end to me working at Etelecare, and it's an extremely positive end at that.
I have so many ideas spinning around in my head, I'm just waiting for the right time to act on them.
In the mean time, I keep myself occupied with chain mail and other metal sculpture. On that note, I have some bracelets already made and will try to get pictures so I can sell them. I continue to get slowly better in metal craft, So each new piece I complete will make the next one that much better.
I haven't given up on finding someone to share my privacy with. I am still looking, I just need to buck up the courage now and then.
That's it for me, at least tonight.
Your friendly neighborhood Clydesdale,
Gary/Cedric
This must have been done by furries.
Posted 18 years agohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx7Ap5_VYmo
There's no way in hell that the US censors would let this through. I thank the internet for letting us watch this French commercial.
I cracked up right at the zebra "chorusline"
Anyway, something I snitched from the Funday pawpets mailing list.
You will enjoy it. Or else. :p
Ced
There's no way in hell that the US censors would let this through. I thank the internet for letting us watch this French commercial.
I cracked up right at the zebra "chorusline"
Anyway, something I snitched from the Funday pawpets mailing list.
You will enjoy it. Or else. :p
Ced
This Horse's World, 10/31/2007
Posted 18 years agoMy life is about to take a potentially very pleasant change.
My schedule is undergoing a metamorphosis shortly after the 11th.
I was accepted into the newly opening Dell Chat Support program at good old E-telecare.
this tells me several things:
Even through I am not a perfect employee, my scores and attendance met or exceeded the expected measure. I'm doing the job well enough to be moved to a new program.
It's vindicating after perfoming the not always pleasant task of providing technical support to the upper end systems buyers.
Side note:
Just because it's marketed as a gaming system does not mean that only serious gamers will buy it. I cannot count how many calls I get from people who can barely even manage e-mail and surfing the web!
On the other hand, the few actual gamers I helped were the quickest to handle!
Example:
User: I ran the diags and it gave me this error.
Me: Ok, Your video card's dead, you want to put the new one in yourself or send a tech?
User: I can do it myself.
Me: Ok, What's the address?
I love it when the caller does half the work for you!
Back to work....
I had several realizations once I got home from work and had time to ponder:
1. The schedule began at 6 am and ended at 2 pm.
2. 2 pm... The stores and businesses are still all open.
3. It's just as good as a job that starts at 3, because I still have time to run errands.
4. Even better, free evenings! I can go out with people and do things, even on holidays! I can have a life!
So my life is shifting about 180 degrees.
It's peculiar.
I worked at circle k it was overnights.
Then I found E-telecare and enjoyed early afternoons to midnights.
Now I'm moving to early mornings thru early afternoons.
I can actually sleep at nights, and still do fun things in the evenings!
So, in summary, Work is goooood :D
As for the rest of my life, the blank pages are starting to fill in, even if ponderously slowly, (it seems that way) and I am learning newer and better ways to both manage myself, but also of determining the root of my problems, and how to balance them.
Money has stopped being a concern, because it always appears when it is needed, it took us being able to weather a sizable bill that popped up unexpectedly to finally provide the proof I needed.
The transportation issue will be one of my targets when this new world opens up to me. I will be able to fix my car, The Crimson Buick (Arr!) and make her a reliable and trustworthy ride. I have the tools and the initiative. And the best things about her will no longer only be that she's paid for.
I need a few more things and I can branch the metalworking business into making sculpted jewelery from silver. This means an influx of two things, money and women, into my life. I could definitely stand to have more of both.
I have come to another realization that I was doing something really dumb.
I was being mad at myself for being mad at myself... a really annoying endless loop in my psyche, and I can start taking action to mend it.
I also realized that I believe in myself only about 70% of the time. That I didn't approve of myself almost a third of the time was shocking. I considered what I believed in absolutely 100% of the time, and my first thought was, "That Cedric (my main online personna) Is the coolest guy to ever exist." It struck me funny. I had already realized this before, but things must have gotten in the way.
The truth is: In order to fully realize myself and be 'me' I had to become Cedric. I've been leaning in the right directions to start the metaporphisis.
Basically, I feel like I'm in a very high point in my life and will shortly be allowing myself to look for new people to share my self created fortune with.
I already know momentum builds, so I think I'm really going to enjoy this ride.
If you're still reading, thank you.
That's what's goin on in this Horse's World.
I think I'll start using that for the names of my blogs...
Gary / Ced
My schedule is undergoing a metamorphosis shortly after the 11th.
I was accepted into the newly opening Dell Chat Support program at good old E-telecare.
this tells me several things:
Even through I am not a perfect employee, my scores and attendance met or exceeded the expected measure. I'm doing the job well enough to be moved to a new program.
It's vindicating after perfoming the not always pleasant task of providing technical support to the upper end systems buyers.
Side note:
Just because it's marketed as a gaming system does not mean that only serious gamers will buy it. I cannot count how many calls I get from people who can barely even manage e-mail and surfing the web!
On the other hand, the few actual gamers I helped were the quickest to handle!
Example:
User: I ran the diags and it gave me this error.
Me: Ok, Your video card's dead, you want to put the new one in yourself or send a tech?
User: I can do it myself.
Me: Ok, What's the address?
I love it when the caller does half the work for you!
Back to work....
I had several realizations once I got home from work and had time to ponder:
1. The schedule began at 6 am and ended at 2 pm.
2. 2 pm... The stores and businesses are still all open.
3. It's just as good as a job that starts at 3, because I still have time to run errands.
4. Even better, free evenings! I can go out with people and do things, even on holidays! I can have a life!
So my life is shifting about 180 degrees.
It's peculiar.
I worked at circle k it was overnights.
Then I found E-telecare and enjoyed early afternoons to midnights.
Now I'm moving to early mornings thru early afternoons.
I can actually sleep at nights, and still do fun things in the evenings!
So, in summary, Work is goooood :D
As for the rest of my life, the blank pages are starting to fill in, even if ponderously slowly, (it seems that way) and I am learning newer and better ways to both manage myself, but also of determining the root of my problems, and how to balance them.
Money has stopped being a concern, because it always appears when it is needed, it took us being able to weather a sizable bill that popped up unexpectedly to finally provide the proof I needed.
The transportation issue will be one of my targets when this new world opens up to me. I will be able to fix my car, The Crimson Buick (Arr!) and make her a reliable and trustworthy ride. I have the tools and the initiative. And the best things about her will no longer only be that she's paid for.
I need a few more things and I can branch the metalworking business into making sculpted jewelery from silver. This means an influx of two things, money and women, into my life. I could definitely stand to have more of both.
I have come to another realization that I was doing something really dumb.
I was being mad at myself for being mad at myself... a really annoying endless loop in my psyche, and I can start taking action to mend it.
I also realized that I believe in myself only about 70% of the time. That I didn't approve of myself almost a third of the time was shocking. I considered what I believed in absolutely 100% of the time, and my first thought was, "That Cedric (my main online personna) Is the coolest guy to ever exist." It struck me funny. I had already realized this before, but things must have gotten in the way.
The truth is: In order to fully realize myself and be 'me' I had to become Cedric. I've been leaning in the right directions to start the metaporphisis.
Basically, I feel like I'm in a very high point in my life and will shortly be allowing myself to look for new people to share my self created fortune with.
I already know momentum builds, so I think I'm really going to enjoy this ride.
If you're still reading, thank you.
That's what's goin on in this Horse's World.
I think I'll start using that for the names of my blogs...
Gary / Ced
For the good of everyone.
Posted 18 years agoEveryone needs to watch this movie:
http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
Do it for your own good.
Do it for everyone's good.
http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
Do it for your own good.
Do it for everyone's good.
No Subject
Posted 18 years agoYou.
Can.
Type.
Only.
One.
Word.
lol
not as easy as seems.
001. Where is your cell phone?
store
002. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
approaching
003. Your hair?
ponytail
004. Work?
Technical
005. Your father?
missing
006. Your favorite thing?
Friends
007. Your dream last night?
Forgotten
008. Your favorite drink?
Peach
009. Your dream car?
Fifty-Seven
010. The room you're in?
Meditation
011. Your pet?
nonexistent
012. Your fears?
few
013. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Wizard
014. Where did you hang out last night?
Bed
015. What you're not good at?
learning
016. Eyebrow rings on the opposite sex?
okay
017. One of your wish list items?
Upgrade
018. Where you grew up?
Oregon
019. The last thing you did?
Tuna
020. What are you wearing?
Cloak
021. What aren't you wearing?
Badge
022. The website?
FA
023. Your computer?
Dinosaur
024. Your life?
Improving
025. Your mood?
Scheming
026. Missing?
customers
027. What are you thinking about right now?
Answers
028. Your car?
Crimson
029. Your friends?
Exclusive
030. Your summer?
pleasant
031. Your relationship status?
seeking
032. Your favorite color?
Violet
033. When is the last time you laughed
Plotting
034. Last time you cried?
distant
035. School?
Ripoff
Can.
Type.
Only.
One.
Word.
lol
not as easy as seems.
001. Where is your cell phone?
store
002. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
approaching
003. Your hair?
ponytail
004. Work?
Technical
005. Your father?
missing
006. Your favorite thing?
Friends
007. Your dream last night?
Forgotten
008. Your favorite drink?
Peach
009. Your dream car?
Fifty-Seven
010. The room you're in?
Meditation
011. Your pet?
nonexistent
012. Your fears?
few
013. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Wizard
014. Where did you hang out last night?
Bed
015. What you're not good at?
learning
016. Eyebrow rings on the opposite sex?
okay
017. One of your wish list items?
Upgrade
018. Where you grew up?
Oregon
019. The last thing you did?
Tuna
020. What are you wearing?
Cloak
021. What aren't you wearing?
Badge
022. The website?
FA
023. Your computer?
Dinosaur
024. Your life?
Improving
025. Your mood?
Scheming
026. Missing?
customers
027. What are you thinking about right now?
Answers
028. Your car?
Crimson
029. Your friends?
Exclusive
030. Your summer?
pleasant
031. Your relationship status?
seeking
032. Your favorite color?
Violet
033. When is the last time you laughed
Plotting
034. Last time you cried?
distant
035. School?
Ripoff
Times they be a changin'
Posted 18 years agoTonight, I stood out in the parking lot in a tanktop and jean shorts, looking like a total lunatic... How true that word is, Lunatic, because I was watching the lunar eclipse.
As I watched the moon's brilliance slowly become enveloped in a reddish orange glow. I felt my past lives, experienced them for a moment, Accepted them as a part of me and let the pass on. as the last of the brilliance faded to a glowing ember of what it once was, it baceme one of those perfect moments, that stand in clarity because you remember every nuance.
I realized that there were millions of people missing this wondrous event, and though some may deride me by saying that these happen every few months, this one was differrent.
It is both a symbol and a call to action. The time for purging is over, those that find themselves unable to make progress will finally break free of their barriers and move forward, knowing that the rest of the world will follow in their wake.
The time for progress is upon us, It is time for all plans to now be set into motion. For any of us that want to help the world to stand up and be counted among the millions brave enough to make that commitment.
As this new era begins in our lives. All I ask of all my friends and fellow furries is, Keep an open mind and expect miracles every day, and if you live life expecting miracles, they'll come to you.
I know this does not sound like the me of before, but I have gone through some major social, mental and spiritual changes over the last few months. I ask that those who care for me accept me as I now am, wiser, and more aware of my reality.
Thank you for your time.
As I watched the moon's brilliance slowly become enveloped in a reddish orange glow. I felt my past lives, experienced them for a moment, Accepted them as a part of me and let the pass on. as the last of the brilliance faded to a glowing ember of what it once was, it baceme one of those perfect moments, that stand in clarity because you remember every nuance.
I realized that there were millions of people missing this wondrous event, and though some may deride me by saying that these happen every few months, this one was differrent.
It is both a symbol and a call to action. The time for purging is over, those that find themselves unable to make progress will finally break free of their barriers and move forward, knowing that the rest of the world will follow in their wake.
The time for progress is upon us, It is time for all plans to now be set into motion. For any of us that want to help the world to stand up and be counted among the millions brave enough to make that commitment.
As this new era begins in our lives. All I ask of all my friends and fellow furries is, Keep an open mind and expect miracles every day, and if you live life expecting miracles, they'll come to you.
I know this does not sound like the me of before, but I have gone through some major social, mental and spiritual changes over the last few months. I ask that those who care for me accept me as I now am, wiser, and more aware of my reality.
Thank you for your time.
Hooray me!
Posted 18 years agoI just got a job working for Dell!
Yay my obsession with computers will finally pay off :P
PC tech at 17$ an hour :D
I'm really charged up about this.
Yay my obsession with computers will finally pay off :P
PC tech at 17$ an hour :D
I'm really charged up about this.
Why Cedric is not a gangsta.
Posted 19 years agoHmm...
Started thinking about gangsters through a long and confusing though path.
There are at least 2 distinct eras.
beginning to approx 1990. - The true Gangster Era, and...
1990 to now - The 'Gangsta' era.
A true gangster lives well but usually keeps quiet about his secret income, going from average appearance to wealthy over a long time, raises less questions. Had tact, smarts, and style. If you kept quiet you stand a better chance of surviving.
True gangstas were very loyal to their bosses. Remember, you're part of the family...
A gangsta, to the best of my knowledge, when he gets his first 'pay' will go out and buy jewelery, expensive clothes and a new car (with cash, presumably) earning him the envy of the 'hood' and advertizing his wealth to any and all lunatics with a gat looking for someone to rob. Gangstas are much shorter lived, in comparison, with less apparent concern over family, of either types. It's all about them.
Fasions of the mobster eras:
True gangster: Elegant suits, fine restaraunts, Art pieces.
Gangsta: sports wear, do rags, huge necklaces and rings, Huge coats and a 'pimp chalise', a fast food restaraunt (keepin it real), Rapper and booty posters.
Why I was pondering this was that I was imagining Cedric as a Gangsta and my mind almost barfed.
Cedric has a sense of style, Suits! Make yourself look elegant for gods sakes! a nice well cut Zoot suit!
Then again I, and Cedric by proxy have a fascination with the 1930's. THe look, the music, life was very hard back then, but they had style.
This is why I believe Cedric is not a Gangsta.
Started thinking about gangsters through a long and confusing though path.
There are at least 2 distinct eras.
beginning to approx 1990. - The true Gangster Era, and...
1990 to now - The 'Gangsta' era.
A true gangster lives well but usually keeps quiet about his secret income, going from average appearance to wealthy over a long time, raises less questions. Had tact, smarts, and style. If you kept quiet you stand a better chance of surviving.
True gangstas were very loyal to their bosses. Remember, you're part of the family...
A gangsta, to the best of my knowledge, when he gets his first 'pay' will go out and buy jewelery, expensive clothes and a new car (with cash, presumably) earning him the envy of the 'hood' and advertizing his wealth to any and all lunatics with a gat looking for someone to rob. Gangstas are much shorter lived, in comparison, with less apparent concern over family, of either types. It's all about them.
Fasions of the mobster eras:
True gangster: Elegant suits, fine restaraunts, Art pieces.
Gangsta: sports wear, do rags, huge necklaces and rings, Huge coats and a 'pimp chalise', a fast food restaraunt (keepin it real), Rapper and booty posters.
Why I was pondering this was that I was imagining Cedric as a Gangsta and my mind almost barfed.
Cedric has a sense of style, Suits! Make yourself look elegant for gods sakes! a nice well cut Zoot suit!
Then again I, and Cedric by proxy have a fascination with the 1930's. THe look, the music, life was very hard back then, but they had style.
This is why I believe Cedric is not a Gangsta.
Cedric's origin story
Posted 19 years agoCut and pasted from a log:
You: Life for me began in the way it always does, or at least should, for a horse.
in the middle of a field of tall grass, surrounded by the herd.
Snow Brewster: a peaceful life
You: For me things were simple back then, I was a lot simpler too. Follow my mom, pay attention to the stallion, try not to get in too much trouble.
Snow Brewster: hehe i like the tried part ;)
You: yeah well kids of all types will eventually. For the first three snows, I lived and grew with the herd
Snow Brewster nods and murrrs as she listens
You: those spindly sticks I stumbled around on grew out into big hooves, I took after my father in stature, my mother in coloring... He was a clydesdale, she was a grey Shire.
Snow Brewster: nods o.o
You: As time passed, I was being groomed to take over the herd. Then came the day everything changed... We didnt even know what a man was before that day. but a group of them appearred in a flash of light
Snow Brewster perks her ears and listens
You: THey came, and captured several of us, the adolescent ones, The sounds they made were harsh and hurt the ears... they caught us in bonds of light, the last I remember of it was a painful shocking feeling, then blackness.
Snow Brewster: o.o sounds horrible dear
You: From the records I found later, they kept me in a tank for several years, implants, skeletal/muscular modifications, almost a total overhaul of the cerebrum. I remember once or twice waking in the tank, looking out and seeing the face of a young girl. I think she was the daughter of one of the technicians.
Snow Brewster: so they made you waht you are now?
You: Almost. Finally when I was released, I grew to learn that I was one of the few to actually survive the process. It's hard to spend time being number 42, so I was encouraged to choose a name for myself as they taught me how to speak, read. I slept in what amounts to barracks, with a small number of other experiments.
Snow Brewster: your very fortunate
Snow Brewster: others like you?
You: one or two, other species, mostly
Snow Brewster: ahh ok
You: While I was in training, I was an empty sponge, in some cases the instructors just handed me the books and let me be, using that time to help the slower ones. Before long I just wandered into the base Library and stayed there from wake up to lights out. I was being groomed for an officer position, or at least the leader of the rest. A major part of the training was in combat magic, and defensive shields. And that is the crux of these experiments. Why waste human lives, when you can build war machines to do the killing for you? That's essentially what we were considered in the long run, I learned this duting my time in the library, putting together pieces of the puzzle from history books and the occasional news paper I could find. I also learned a few more spells than they wanted any of us to because I had those special priviledges... and that was probably why they "decommissioned" me. I knew too much about their plans. I know if I hadn't managed the last chance spell long ago, I wouldnt be here today.
Snow Brewster: o.o
Snow Brewster: so how did you get here?
You: I was dead, they dumped me in the communal grave, then the spell kicked in
You: that's gonna be a while still
Snow Brewster: whats gonna be awhile
You: I woke up in a daze, I wanst sure who I was for a while, because the memories of the other "failures" around me were imprinted into me as well, a side effect of the spell.
I finally crawled out of the charnel pit and dissappeared into the forests. from what I recall I made something of a legend of myself before I found Slaytor, or when Slaytor found me. He was a hunter that was called upon to track me, the raging beast of the woods down. You: the fight was long, and we fought to a standstill, finally we started talking. You: He realized just what I was and my potential... and he took me to a hermit wizard, who loved on an island. After a long time of self searching, I finally found myself again, and went into further training in the other sides of magic under the hermit
You: it was a while before I could return to the base. and by that time their experiment had succeeded, Animals, physically and magically tough, with incredible resistance to pain, with only knowledge of combat spells, left dumb enough to follow and not question orders. their operation had expanded threefold by the time I got back. and they had managed to erect a negation field around the base. Magic was useless inside except for the conversion room. I managed to sneak in through the "firing range" where they had the "soldiers" test their spells. it was the only part of the base not inside the field.
You: I found the tank room and hijacked one of the devices that permitted magic use.
You: the creation of a fireball is a magical process, but once it leaves the caster, it's a ball of fire, not much magic involved there. I destroyed that place to the last room. I carry with me a lot of scars from that.
Snow Brewster: o.o
You: Sadly, I couldnt save any of the experiments. they were all pitted agaisnt me, and wouldnt stop. The ones in the tanks were mindless, or mid way in the trasnformation process... I am glad I don't recall any of that. I managed to save one or two, due to be released days later. Sadly the humans learned of them and killed the "abominations" they called them. I ended a lot of lives. After I made sure that the base, the rersearch, and the idea would never be seen again, I opened a dimensional portal, and stepped through. it didnt matter whaere it went or what was on the other side. I've been dimension hopping ever since, this, and a few others are my favorites.I actually found my true home dimension. even my old herd.
Snow Brewster: wow o.o
You: I was too strange for them to begin with, and the memory of the upright ones.... It took me a while before they even let me get close.
Snow Brewster nods and smiles- but you did earn their trust yes?
You: but that is how it is for me
You: Life for me began in the way it always does, or at least should, for a horse.
in the middle of a field of tall grass, surrounded by the herd.
Snow Brewster: a peaceful life
You: For me things were simple back then, I was a lot simpler too. Follow my mom, pay attention to the stallion, try not to get in too much trouble.
Snow Brewster: hehe i like the tried part ;)
You: yeah well kids of all types will eventually. For the first three snows, I lived and grew with the herd
Snow Brewster nods and murrrs as she listens
You: those spindly sticks I stumbled around on grew out into big hooves, I took after my father in stature, my mother in coloring... He was a clydesdale, she was a grey Shire.
Snow Brewster: nods o.o
You: As time passed, I was being groomed to take over the herd. Then came the day everything changed... We didnt even know what a man was before that day. but a group of them appearred in a flash of light
Snow Brewster perks her ears and listens
You: THey came, and captured several of us, the adolescent ones, The sounds they made were harsh and hurt the ears... they caught us in bonds of light, the last I remember of it was a painful shocking feeling, then blackness.
Snow Brewster: o.o sounds horrible dear
You: From the records I found later, they kept me in a tank for several years, implants, skeletal/muscular modifications, almost a total overhaul of the cerebrum. I remember once or twice waking in the tank, looking out and seeing the face of a young girl. I think she was the daughter of one of the technicians.
Snow Brewster: so they made you waht you are now?
You: Almost. Finally when I was released, I grew to learn that I was one of the few to actually survive the process. It's hard to spend time being number 42, so I was encouraged to choose a name for myself as they taught me how to speak, read. I slept in what amounts to barracks, with a small number of other experiments.
Snow Brewster: your very fortunate
Snow Brewster: others like you?
You: one or two, other species, mostly
Snow Brewster: ahh ok
You: While I was in training, I was an empty sponge, in some cases the instructors just handed me the books and let me be, using that time to help the slower ones. Before long I just wandered into the base Library and stayed there from wake up to lights out. I was being groomed for an officer position, or at least the leader of the rest. A major part of the training was in combat magic, and defensive shields. And that is the crux of these experiments. Why waste human lives, when you can build war machines to do the killing for you? That's essentially what we were considered in the long run, I learned this duting my time in the library, putting together pieces of the puzzle from history books and the occasional news paper I could find. I also learned a few more spells than they wanted any of us to because I had those special priviledges... and that was probably why they "decommissioned" me. I knew too much about their plans. I know if I hadn't managed the last chance spell long ago, I wouldnt be here today.
Snow Brewster: o.o
Snow Brewster: so how did you get here?
You: I was dead, they dumped me in the communal grave, then the spell kicked in
You: that's gonna be a while still
Snow Brewster: whats gonna be awhile
You: I woke up in a daze, I wanst sure who I was for a while, because the memories of the other "failures" around me were imprinted into me as well, a side effect of the spell.
I finally crawled out of the charnel pit and dissappeared into the forests. from what I recall I made something of a legend of myself before I found Slaytor, or when Slaytor found me. He was a hunter that was called upon to track me, the raging beast of the woods down. You: the fight was long, and we fought to a standstill, finally we started talking. You: He realized just what I was and my potential... and he took me to a hermit wizard, who loved on an island. After a long time of self searching, I finally found myself again, and went into further training in the other sides of magic under the hermit
You: it was a while before I could return to the base. and by that time their experiment had succeeded, Animals, physically and magically tough, with incredible resistance to pain, with only knowledge of combat spells, left dumb enough to follow and not question orders. their operation had expanded threefold by the time I got back. and they had managed to erect a negation field around the base. Magic was useless inside except for the conversion room. I managed to sneak in through the "firing range" where they had the "soldiers" test their spells. it was the only part of the base not inside the field.
You: I found the tank room and hijacked one of the devices that permitted magic use.
You: the creation of a fireball is a magical process, but once it leaves the caster, it's a ball of fire, not much magic involved there. I destroyed that place to the last room. I carry with me a lot of scars from that.
Snow Brewster: o.o
You: Sadly, I couldnt save any of the experiments. they were all pitted agaisnt me, and wouldnt stop. The ones in the tanks were mindless, or mid way in the trasnformation process... I am glad I don't recall any of that. I managed to save one or two, due to be released days later. Sadly the humans learned of them and killed the "abominations" they called them. I ended a lot of lives. After I made sure that the base, the rersearch, and the idea would never be seen again, I opened a dimensional portal, and stepped through. it didnt matter whaere it went or what was on the other side. I've been dimension hopping ever since, this, and a few others are my favorites.I actually found my true home dimension. even my old herd.
Snow Brewster: wow o.o
You: I was too strange for them to begin with, and the memory of the upright ones.... It took me a while before they even let me get close.
Snow Brewster nods and smiles- but you did earn their trust yes?
You: but that is how it is for me
My 2 Cents
Posted 19 years agoYa know, furs get off on all kinds wierd shit...
Telephone pole sized dick? Hi ho silver!
Tentacles? Hello, Cthulu!
Unbirthing? You leave it at birth and spend the rest of your life trying to get back in.
I don't dig cub porn. Why? Cause I hate the smell of diapers, and that's getting a little close to becoming a Catholic priest for my comfort zone
Telephone pole sized dick? Hi ho silver!
Tentacles? Hello, Cthulu!
Unbirthing? You leave it at birth and spend the rest of your life trying to get back in.
I don't dig cub porn. Why? Cause I hate the smell of diapers, and that's getting a little close to becoming a Catholic priest for my comfort zone
Bittersweet
Posted 19 years agoYears ago, I fell in love with a vixen, so in love that I even went to the extent of buying her things with the intent to ship them to her.... However, times got tough, and I never managed to put it together, and get it shipped.
Well, The vixen moved on, and left me behind, and I wish for her the best of everything, but somewhere deep inside, I think I refused to let go.
I kept those items in a box, and carried them with me for over 5 years, from apartment to apartment.
Today, I finally built up the courage to give them away, to two of my female friends/roommates.
At first I was greeted with laughs, because they'd never meet anybody who would do that for them. Sure it was funny and a little wierd, that a guy would carry around women's clothing. In retrospect I can see the humor in it.
I felt hurt at first, and explained my side of things.
As I remembered how I felt about her, realizing what I've been putting myself through for years, I broke down and cried.
When the girls realized just what this meant to me, we also realized that I was closing a hidden chapter in my life, one that even I wasn't completely aware of.
The time we had together, I will remember it fondly. Now I can cope with it.
But it is my time to move on. I am ready to open myself to others again.
Thank you for taking the time to to read this.
Cedric/Gary
Well, The vixen moved on, and left me behind, and I wish for her the best of everything, but somewhere deep inside, I think I refused to let go.
I kept those items in a box, and carried them with me for over 5 years, from apartment to apartment.
Today, I finally built up the courage to give them away, to two of my female friends/roommates.
At first I was greeted with laughs, because they'd never meet anybody who would do that for them. Sure it was funny and a little wierd, that a guy would carry around women's clothing. In retrospect I can see the humor in it.
I felt hurt at first, and explained my side of things.
As I remembered how I felt about her, realizing what I've been putting myself through for years, I broke down and cried.
When the girls realized just what this meant to me, we also realized that I was closing a hidden chapter in my life, one that even I wasn't completely aware of.
The time we had together, I will remember it fondly. Now I can cope with it.
But it is my time to move on. I am ready to open myself to others again.
Thank you for taking the time to to read this.
Cedric/Gary
Dreams...
Posted 19 years agoThis may sound strange to some, but then again dreams usually do.
I had an unusual series of dreams this morning, and I feel the need to share it with others.
For reference, My uncle Hal was my primary father figure while i was growing up, My genetic dad left the family before i could ever remember, so I have no mental image of him. My two uncles on my mother's side took up the slack. They are no longer with us today, though in times i have been visited by My uncle Hal, such as in this dream sequence i am about to relay.
Well, without further ado, here's what I can remember:
8/25
I remember preparing for a trip in my old house in oregon, except we had this huge garage and were setting up a car that looked like it was from the 30's, The 60's era blue ford station wagon that my uncle Warren owned was parked in the garage too, though it wasn't as badly rusted and out of shape. I had to go the the house and inside the place was all bright and repaired, looks like we put up drywall and repainted in summer colors.
Then i woke up in the dream, and went and made the suggestion to My uncle Hal, who thought it was a great idea.
Woke up again in dream, remembering sadly that the house and hal were gone. I looked out the window and the storm outside had blown a bureau mirror outside my window. This woman i was sleeping with got up and brought it in throug the window. and some guy came in to help, dont remember who either of them are, though I presume they were friends.
Then in another dream, I was reading a book without much interest, and then i saw a little black and white image of Hal? run across and down the page, altering the text in the book. When he was done, it read in glowing blue/white letters, "Gary, you're an adult now. Now go and RULE!" I flipped the page, but couldnt read the next messsage he gave me.
I woke in that dream from the book dream and went to tell Enoch about it when my cell phone rang and woke me up.
I dont know why I feel the need to put this out, but here it is, if anything you can amust yourself by thinking that I'm much more insane than you are :D
Ced
I had an unusual series of dreams this morning, and I feel the need to share it with others.
For reference, My uncle Hal was my primary father figure while i was growing up, My genetic dad left the family before i could ever remember, so I have no mental image of him. My two uncles on my mother's side took up the slack. They are no longer with us today, though in times i have been visited by My uncle Hal, such as in this dream sequence i am about to relay.
Well, without further ado, here's what I can remember:
8/25
I remember preparing for a trip in my old house in oregon, except we had this huge garage and were setting up a car that looked like it was from the 30's, The 60's era blue ford station wagon that my uncle Warren owned was parked in the garage too, though it wasn't as badly rusted and out of shape. I had to go the the house and inside the place was all bright and repaired, looks like we put up drywall and repainted in summer colors.
Then i woke up in the dream, and went and made the suggestion to My uncle Hal, who thought it was a great idea.
Woke up again in dream, remembering sadly that the house and hal were gone. I looked out the window and the storm outside had blown a bureau mirror outside my window. This woman i was sleeping with got up and brought it in throug the window. and some guy came in to help, dont remember who either of them are, though I presume they were friends.
Then in another dream, I was reading a book without much interest, and then i saw a little black and white image of Hal? run across and down the page, altering the text in the book. When he was done, it read in glowing blue/white letters, "Gary, you're an adult now. Now go and RULE!" I flipped the page, but couldnt read the next messsage he gave me.
I woke in that dream from the book dream and went to tell Enoch about it when my cell phone rang and woke me up.
I dont know why I feel the need to put this out, but here it is, if anything you can amust yourself by thinking that I'm much more insane than you are :D
Ced
