Don't know if anyone here loves shit tons of music like I do but I have a playlist for EVERY MOOD! One of my trusty playlists I use alot is when I need to wake up & get energized or if I've han an aggravating day & need something cheerful to listen to, I call this my "Brighten Up" playlist:
•Drive by Incubus
•Get Off My Back by Elliot Kennedy
•La Da Dee by Cody Simspon
•Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men
•On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons
•Some Nights by Fun.
•Numa Numa by O-Zone
•Struck by Yellowcard
•Super Drive (Gravitation Opening Theme)
•Undo by Cool Joke
•The Way We Get By by Spoon

I'm pretty sure I already asked this once but are any of ya'll on Tumblr? I need to follow more of my fellow furries :3 ... That, and I need to lessen the amount of Tom Hiddleston taking up my dash for the sake of my ovaries XD;

I'm sure some of you have noticed I haven't been posting alot of artwork lately. Reasons being #1, since the restaurant I work at resides in a hotel, naturally, summer is our busy season and HOLY SHIT, is it ever. Ever since mid June, every morning my feet hit the floor, I stay constantly busy, which leads me to #2. By the time I get home, I am mentally & physically exhausted and even on my off days, I am usually busy running errands or cleaning around the apartment so sketching is hardly on my mind.

However, my hands are still staying busy with another project. If this wasn't already painfully obvious, I am a huge Tom Hiddleston fan, more specifically a Loki follower. I recently did two fanart pieces of Loki & a nameless exotic dancer:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13845796/ and https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13910008/ . Well, the more I kept thinking of this random couple, the more of a romantic-tragedy story began to brew in my head. Finally, after several years of not writing, I've decided to attempt to create and work on a multi-chapter Loki fan-fic. I've already finished one chapter & almost finished with the second. I must admit it's kind of a nice change of pace to be using my creative skills to write a story and maybe get my obsession of Loki/Tom out of my system once this story is completed.

Seeya Around :3 Much loves!

I miss my Dad so terribly... I saw something on Tumblr that triggered a horrible memory & realization for me. It was nothing heinous, but rather, a beautiful moment in time shared between a father & daughter:
http://bexlogic.tumblr.com/post/896.....olly-petitbear
... It just happened. I truly wish them all the best but I felt my chest tighten with indescribable anger & a sadness I can't even begin to convey with mere words.

It was a night I had a heated argument with my parents. I won't go into details as to what it concerned as it matters not. I remember screaming at my dad with tears in my eyes, absolutely furious with him. I was beyond enraged at how he had hidden his fatal condition from us, from me, for so long that we knew what was eventually to come because of how severe his health had turned. I remember sobbing, yelling how because of his foolishness, I can't bare the thought of having a child, them never knowing their grandfather. After all was said & silent, Dad hugged me tightly as I cried uncontrollably. We eventually got past that argument, forgive & forget, and moved onward but still...

Eric's dad would be very limited to interactions with our offspring, and while my mother is sweet & kind and I know she'd be a wonderful grandmother, I still can't take it knowing my dad would never see my child if I became pregnant tomorrow. I know it sounds horribly selfish to deprive my husband of this decision based on that (among other numerous reasons) and Eric tells me whether I choose to bare a child or not, he'll always love me & never pressure me is kind & sweet of him.

But I just... I just can't.

As someone who has worked in the hotel/restaurant industry for the past 6 years, I tend to distant myself from customers, co-workers, and management. I don't let my personal life or feelings get caught up in my work. Customers come & go where business/life calls them, co-workers get fired/quit, etc... I suppose I cover up that distance with my jokeful sarcasm and smart ass nature, which sometimes makes me an unapproachable person. However, sometimes in the seemingly smallest ways, I have been truly taken aback by how much affection and care a stranger can display towards me.

This week, we had a family stay with us for a while at the hotel. I got to know the father & mother and their children decently. It became habit that the father would come in to get breakfast first due to his job starting so early in the morning and be off quickly, and later his wife & children would come down. I would happily chat with the mom about the perfect places to go out & eat, places that were kid-friendly, and so on. This is basic chatter to me because my job simply requires me to know such. On their last day, I was surprised to see the whole family as one come down to dine for breakfast. I jokingly said, "So they finally let ya have the day off, Mr.(Smith)?" but he told that it was their last day of their stay before heading back to Oklahoma and he wanted to be with his family. It was a little sad to hear but I shrugged it off. As the family finished their meal, the mother ran up to me and hugged me tightly, giving me an innocent peck on the cheek. She doted on me and thanked me for my constant cheerfulness & kindness towards her family and couldn't wait to come back... I truly was shocked. I smiled and thanked her for her sweetness.

The second shock of my week was in the form of a person whom I have... shall I say, annoying big brother/still kinda care relationship with. He's one of my superiors and though he's arrogant alot and acts high-&-mighty towards some staff, because I've known him longer and can get away with being a snarky bitch, he treats me as an equal. We constantly make jabs at one another and though I give him a hard time, we both respect and care for each other. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if he has a crush on me by the way he acts at times and how he hovers over me while I work, but otherwise, he knows where I stand as far as my husband goes and dares not question me about it.
He was also the first person I had to call when I first received news of my Dad's upcoming fate on December 21st, 2012. I remember telling him I knew I was scheduled to work the next day but I didn't know if I was mentally stable enough to even sleep that night. I was by myself, alone, scared, sobbing uncontrollably, broken. I was in total melt down mode. He threatened me to not take one step on the hotel's property (and if I tried, he'd send me away), and go be with my father. Then that next day, December 22nd, my father passed away as I held his hands...
Yesterday, a year and a half later, as I walked down the long stretch of hallway passing him by the timeclock, he asked me what my plans were for the weekend, but I was silent, being reminded of the person I miss so terribly that I can't share this holiday with anymore. "I'll be with my mother & sister," was all I said. My supervisor suddenly realized what he had said, and that this weekend is Father's Day, and he embraced me tightly. He just said, "I'm so so sorry... Good luck to you, hon. Please take care of yourself." In that tiny moment, it took all my strength to not cry, but I hugged him back as if he were a long lost relative. I can't say if it was out of how much I miss my dad terribly, media everywhere constantly reminding me that I can no longer buy witty father's day gifts/cards, or how shocked I was that this man hugged me so brotherly-like and so personally, or a mixture of all of this. I could only smile weakly and say "Thank you, (name)... I'll be okay." The drive home was tear-filled one but I managed.

I'm not saying I plan to be a more open individual at work, as I have too many trust issues with people in general to allow that. But I suppose I shouldn't be so quick to be uncaring, distant, or shut-off from those who genuinely care about me while I'm at my job.

Sooo….
Today was the day I got excited to go to the post office & mail my fan letter/fan art to Tom Hiddleston. On multiple sites, I understand to get a response back from Hiddles that one needs to acquire several International Reply Coupons & send them for Tom to send his love back to you & you can acquire them at the post office (each one costing around $2.50).

So imagine my jaw dropping when the man behind the post office desk says, “Oh, we’ve stopped that service & no longer do those.” It took every fiber in my being not to turn into a hateful she-devil & scream, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY??” I call UPS to see if they knew of IRCs, and of course, they didn’t.

So how in the fuck do I send this letter now?! And do I just hope to God he might actually pay the extra postage to mail me back?? What the hell do I do???

Cause apparently the sneaky bitch yoinked my journal >:|
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5811726/

A kickass but devoted father & a tenderhearted loving mother gave birth to a little girl at around 8pm. When the parents handed this new bundle of joy to their older 5 year old daughter, she smiled down at her new baby sister... And then the newborn barfed on her older sibling. I've been making people laugh since then :P

From then onward, my life has been a whirlwind of wonderful experiences that has brought me joy & laughter. I've also dealt with important life lessons that have kicked my ass a few times but I'm always getting back up, brushing myself off, and just respond with, "Well, that sucked... WHATCHA GOT NOW?!" XD

I maybe 25 but I refuse to grow up, just like my folks, and enjoy life to the fullest!!!

(Both Eric & I lying in bed next to each other looking at our iPhones)
Me: Do you think I have an unhealthy obsession? (Shows lockscreen is of Loki from the movie Thor)
Eric: ...
Me: No, really, do you think this is bad? (Shows her homescreen is also another pic of Loki)
Eric: Sweetheart, do you want to know what my recent Google searches have been of?
Me: O_o;
Eric: ... I think pregnant women are EXTREMELY hot.
Me:... Glad to know we're normal in our abnormal obsessions.

My heart goes out to all of those in Arkansas & Oklahoma. I saw on the news of the awful devastation the tornadoes left behind and I feel for them, truly, and send out my prayers to the victims. And creepily enough, Alabama's expected to get hit with really bad storms today :/ Joy.

Time for ROUND 2!!!
Hey there folks!!! For a limited time only, I'm doing a special offer that for only $7, I can quickly doodle up 1 full-body fursona, fully inked, in a pose of your choice :) I plan to work on these sketches quickly, turn over ASAP, & will take on as many as I possibly can!! And by all means, if you want more than just 1 sketch & wish to purchase several, I will happily do numerous pics for you! :)

IF YOU WANT A SUPER CHEAP B&W COMMISSION OF YOUR FULL-BODIED FURSONA FOR ONLY $7, SEND ME A NOTE WITH THE FOLLOWING:
•Your Name
•Your Email
•A link to a pic of your fursona.
•Any certain pose in mind?

When it's your turn for me to do your sketch, I will email you about what you'd like done, my Paypal address, & once you pay me, I'll get started ASAP! :)

Slot Lineup:
1.,2.,3.,4.)  WolfRider
5.
6.
7.
8.

NOTICE: I've taken on several of these commissions I will be working on for now. Until I free myself up, I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE COMMISSIONS AT THIS MOMENT! Once I finish my current load, I'll take on a second round in a 2nd journal! Thank you!

Hey there folks!!! For a limited time only, I'm doing a special offer that for only $7, I can quickly doodle up 1 full-body fursona, fully inked, in a pose of your choice :) I plan to work on these sketches all day & night, turn over ASAP, & will take on as many as I possibly can!!
IF YOU WANT A SUPER CHEAP B&W COMMISSION OF YOUR FULL-BODIED FURSONA FOR ONLY $7, COMMENT BELOW WITH THE FOLLOWING:
•Your Name
•Your Email
•A link to a pic of your fursona.
•Any certain pose in mind?
When it's your turn for me to do your sketch, I will email you about what you'd like done, my Paypal address, & once you pay me, I'll get started ASAP! :)
Slot Lineup:
1.)  Rhazzazor (COMPLETED!)
2.)  LordJaguar (COMPLETED!)
3.)  fc32 (Roxie) (COMPLETED!)
4.)  fc32 (Sophia) (COMPLETED!)
5, 6, 7, & 8.)  WolfRider (Strikira, Lady Hatcher, Drain, & Grapple Queen) (COMPLETED!)

I saw Rhazzazor talking about others posting a commission wish list of sorts. They would contain things that I would personally would love to see in the future, so I figured why not make one? Some of these themes are clean, some naughty, some are pretty bloody:
Clean Stuff:
• Chao fully armored, tired but fierce, bloody after a long battle.
• Chao sitting atop a red throne, looking confident & snarky, surrounded by an arsenal of different guns, rifles, and etc. (I loooooove weaponry)
• Chao on top of a rooftop, hill, or hidden in the trees aiming a sniper rifle at an unknown target.
• Chao fighting & sacrificing herself for somebody (whether it be a damsel in distress, a lover, a friend, etc.)
• I know this is really random, but I'd like to see how artists would draw Chao, though a lioness, as a different species of animal, like as a wolf, skunk, deer, centaur, dragon, dragonfly maybe, and etc, just to see what their interpretations would be :) Random I know, but a neat concept.

Adult Stuff:
• Chao tied up in shibari-style bondage & gagged.
• Chao in a consensual gang-bang situation featuring all males... What can I say, I'm greedy.
• Chao in a dominatrix get up getting eaten out by another female character.
• Chao (again in dominatrix uniform) with a taur-fur, flogging, spanking, or whipping them while bound & gagged.
• Chao tied up & pounced, humped, & knotted by a feral-canine of some sort... Weird, I know ^^;;;
• Not that dirty, but since recreational drugs are involved, my RL self smoking while my head's laying in Weed-Chao's lap looking peaceful & serene.
• Chao & Coal in a bloody sexy bondage scene where Coal's tied up, possibly suspended in the air, & Chao is using a small katana (I forget their appropriate term) to make cuts in the shape of hearts all over his body... That's more of my husband's wish, really, but still hot :P

Hii-dee-ho! After a long dry spell, this lioness is finally open for commissions! Whether they be G, PG/PG-13, R, or XXX rated, bring em on! I'll be accepting 4 furs & if you wanna see what all I have to offer or what my prices are like, just take a gander at my commission menu!!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2923629/

I honestly don't know what's possessed me to do this, maybe talk of music, but I feel like sharing some of my extremely varying musical tastes with ya'll. Here's my selections from my 'Romantic Ambience' playlist (at least 20 out of 83 songs) for anyone who wants to set the mood to sketch/write pertaining to romantic stuff:
1. "Addicted" by Simple Plan
2. "All I Have to Give" by Backstreet Boys (DON'T JUDGE!!)
3. "Anywhere" by Evanescence
4. "Beautiful Love" by The Afters
5. "Beloved" by VNV Nation
6. "Calling You" by Blue October
7. "Cute" by Stephen Jerzak (by the way, SUPER CORNY but adorable!)
8. "Daylight" by Matt & Kim
9. "Digital Love" by Daft Punk
10. "For Aragorn & Arwen" by Enya
11. "Gravel Lines" by Amy Seeley
12. "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Disney's Hercules (yes, this is in my playlist.)
13. "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls
14. "Making Memories of Us" by Keith Urban
15. "Nothing I've Ever Known" by Hans Zimmer
16. "She Will be Loved" by Runner Runner
17. "Simply Being Loved" by BT
18. "Teenage Dirtbag" by Ween
19. "Underneath It All" No Doubt
20. "The World Ain't Slowin' Down" by Ellis Paul

I'm trying to pass time at work & also feel like being an open book.
Ask me anything :P

Basically like the title says. I need two sketches colored but I'm afraid I cannot pay. If anyone's got spare time to kill and just wants to use some lineart that needs color, I got two I need with a digital color job?? ^^;

So umm... There apparently won't be any need for a Chao strip-tease donation series cause I dunno if you guys recall my last post, but I stated I needed a new washing machine for my clothes? Guess what? My Pa-In-Law called my hubby yesterday & told him we were getting one delivered to us today O_o;; I'm sure you ask, "But Chao, why aren't you happy?" Well, it's not that I'm not happy, I really am!! Very grateful, truly! However, the reason this weirds me out is Eric's Dad has dropped thousands on us in the last year on the following:
1. On my birthday, we got a SUPER HUGE & NICE grill since we LOVE to cook out
2. When our refrigerator busted, he got us a nearly brand new (I say nearly cause it had a barely-noticeable scratch & dent) and bigger refrigerator to replace it!
3. On Eric's birthday, he got us a HUGE plasma TV for our bedroom.
4. And now, new, bigger, & better washing machine.

... I think he's secretly dropping all these nice thing to sway us into producing a grandchild for him. O_o

Okay ladies & gents, here's the dealio:
Hubby & I are super tight on money. And by tight, I mean imagine my wallet wearing a corset tied to the point its suffocating. So here's my pitch: I thought about doing a series of pics with Chao doing a sexy strip-tease to raise around $200 that will either help pay off my state taxes or help go towards a new washing machine we desperately need.

It would go like this: The first piece will be of a playful Chao in some sexy lingerie. To see a continuation to see her strip, a certain amount would have to be donated, and once that certain goal is reached, I'll produce the next piece with her shedding some clothes. To sweeten the deal, whomever donates the most towards this goal will be featured in the final picture with her 'showing some appreciation' towards the secret admirer.

Does this sound appealing to any of you furs? Even if you donated a single dollar, it would help me out tremendously. Would that many of you be willing to even participate?
PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!

The smell of coffee grounds... The sound of fireworks... The sight of an old but beautiful hot rod car... The taste of cheese-garlic biscuits...

These things, for many, are insignificant, hold no value, & maybe even mundane. For myself, however, these seemingly random things are just enough to bring tear-stained memories flooding back.

I love you, Dad. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, and words can't describe how badly I miss you. Life is not the same without your laughter, your stories, your words of guidance...

I'm happy you no longer hurt or struggle. I truly am. I can't begin to imagine that pain you suffered through for so long. But there's a part of me that still regrets so much & wishes you were still here. I wished I had asked more questions & spent more time with you.

I'm glad I was always your '#1 buddy' & partner in crime of the many shenanigans we got into. I'm proud you were always a great father, always supportive but never hesitant to give your two cents. You weren't perfect, but you always taught me that that was okay & I should never feel ashamed for being different.

Even when it comes to my hobbies, your lessons & words always echo in the back of my consciousness. You taught me to embrace & adore wildlife, even the misunderstood creatures like reptiles. When ever I struggled with my art, you always told me to try, try, until I get it right, and that practice makes perfect & to never give up.

Dad, while it always sadden me that you're gone, I cherished you & enjoyed every moment we indulged in together. Like every relationship between parent-&-child, there were some sour moments, but for me, the good moments will always outweigh the few & minor bad times. I will never forget all the laughter & smiles we shared and I'll try to think upon them more so than the bad times. I love you, Dad...

Catch ya on the flipside.

Like the title says :P If you're interested, please email me at chao.cub[at]gmail.com stating your username, what you'd like, and I'll email you back!

Psyche! Just kidding, bitches~! ;P
Yes yes, I'm sure many of ya'll know the rumors spreading around this site & how many artists are up & leaving but I've put alot of time into my galleries and made several wonderful friends here and I sure as hell don't plan on leaving or quitting.
My view on it all:
This drama going on doesn't/never will concern me. It is between the users DIRECTLY INVOLVED, and I do not support any sides concerning the matter. One of my good friends told me that all this is no better than petty politics & finger pointing & gossip of sketchy rumors. Unless one has been directly involved with any of this, none of us will know what's truth and lie. It's the internet, people. Can't take everything you read seriously.

I shall continue to post my artwork & continue with positive vibe-spreading! :)

And here's a quote to ponder upon:
"A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion."
-Chinese Proverb

(Not so much an emo-angst-vent, but more self-musing)

I was going through old stuff with my seester & mom tonight and found a corny Lisa-Frank 'Friends' journal I owned back when I was 12 years old and just graduating 6th grade & entering 7th. IT had numerous sections where you filled out stuff about your social life, family, friends, and etc. There was a section in it that you wrote a letter to your future self and when I read the letter, I almost started to cry. My 12-year old self had more confidence in me than I do now in the present...

"Dear Jessica,
If you ever have doubts you can't be a vet, singer, or an artist, forget that. Like I said in one section of this journal, you can do anything if you set your mind to it, and like Dad said, 'Practice, practice & try, try until you get it right!'"
Sincerely,
The Past Jessica T."

It has left me thinking...

How, why, & when did I let my self-esteem sink so low?? I feel like I've always been this way, never that confident in my art or myself, but clearly, there was a time I had great confidence & knew I had some potential. Yet, I find it extremely hard to think otherwise now??? I don't/can't see the good qualities that my family, my husband, or co-workers see.

I have been married to Eric for 6 years, 1 month, and 3 days and yet I'm still baffled as to what he sees in me. He's so loving & caring & supportive that I just don't understand how he puts up with me.

Even though my YCH auctions sold wonderfully, and I'm SO GRATEFUL for the love my viewers have praised me, I still don't see how or why someone would think my artwork is worth so much money.

Perhaps I need therapy, and have been struggling with that decision for a VERY LONG time. I know it's not healthy to think of myself like this but I can't help it, but I honestly wish I could fix it. It seems it got worse when Dad died, as you may or may not have noticed the period I didn't post hardly a thing for nearly 6 months. I got a boost of confidence when I found some of his old artwork but it was a perk-me-up.

Hey folks! Since my job has benn pretty darn slow & have some spare time now, I figured I'd open myself for ONLY 2 SLOTS FOR CLEAN COMMISSIONS!. Please comment here if you're seriously interested & we'll discuss your desired artwork!!

To check out my commission menu, please see here!:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2920187/

If you wanna say hi to my hubby, his account is here!
 DarkLeopard1283
Feel free to drop a shout or introduce him to FA :)