So, first off, I got a couple of jobs over here in the real world, though I'm hoping to ditch one of them soon for one that has better hours. It's not an art conducive schedule, which I want to return to so I can get all your commissions worked on or else provide you some cute pics. Just thought I'd let you know about it so you know there will be some issues getting art out for at least another week.

Speaking of, I plan to do at least one stream a week on either a day off or so, starting today. It will be in a bit and probably won't last super long, but hopefully long enough to finish a pic I've been teasing for awhile involving a certain Yordle. Hope you enjoy it.

I'll have a bigger update some time in the future.

Yay or nay?

If so, which ones?

Figured I'd do this again for the hell of it.

Usual ground rules.

No asking about upcoming pictures, commissions or anything of the sort. You may ask me about pics I've already done, but those are off limits.

Don't ask me about politics. I will not even entertain any of them.

Don't ask me for my personal contact information.

... is really really REALLY annoying. Especially when the deadline for my retirement is still nowhere close.

Just figure I'd vent that.

I want to start by saying, I really REALLY appreciate the support. It's very heartwarming and it made me much happier than I have been with this stuff for awhile.

Nevertheless, I feel the need to put this here to again point out that I'm not retiring today or even in the next few weeks. Like I said, I'm giving it till at least the end of the year. That would be December 31st, 2021 by default. I just kind of wanted to let you know ahead of time that it actually was something on the cards. I appreciate the support and all of that, but you do not have to worry, I still plan to keep doing stuff for this until the end of the year at the least. I do have commitments to this gallery and the people who followed me that I need to finish before I can stop for good. Otherwise, I'll never be happy with the way I left. I'm the kind of person who WILL never not be happy about leaving things unfinished if I cannot help it. Sometimes you do have too, but you can also restart. And for those, I intend to do just that.

So I appreciate your words and sympathies, but let's not make this a sad occasion. I'm still gonna do my best to give you guys a some really good last pics. We have all of 2021 together still at the least. And even if I don't have the passion I used to, I don't completely lack it to the point I can't draw completely. In fact, letting this all out and not trying to keep this a secret till the last minute and seeing your support has solidified my desire to continue providing you all with work to the best of my abilities till I officially, unequivocally announce that "YES, this is the final end. I will not draw another commission or pic."

I hope this clears SOME things up. If you have questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

So, I've been feeling a little burnt out the past several months. Not necessarily because of the lockdown, but because last year I turned thirty and the usual creeping thoughts came up. "What am I doing with my life", "what am I going to do going forward?", "is this really making me happy?" These were followed by several nasty encounters where I saw people start to turn on and devour each other. Or people who just decided to be dicks because I expressed an opinion they didn't like. One such individual, who will not be named, even made me realize how gigantic some egos are in this line of work. Egos that I did not I see having any warrant in having. And then people were revealing things about their lives that reaffirmed my own fears.

And after those nasty encounters and revelations I came to a really sad conclusion.

I simply no longer like what I do. I don't hate it, but I don't love doing it. I have no passion for tickling art. Furry art, which I never really was into to begin with, wasn't what I planned to do for this long. I had a lot of plans that, ultimately, fell through because of the harshness of reality and I thought I could eventually catch up and no longer worry so much about that. And I've given it some thoughts about the long term future of this raccoon. And I came to realization that his time doing stuff was nearing the end.

But... despite the title, I'm not just yet ready to give up being Chaos for good. I still have things to do, promises to keep, things to finish before I can do so. But I am going to lay it down straight for you all. This may very well be the final year I do this kind of art or any art for this gallery. And for the people now watching or discovering me, I am sorry I'm making this announcement now. It's not one I'm making flippantly. I've spent the better part of a year thinking it over. And I just wanted to express my thoughts and share with you a decision I've been struggling with.

I could change my mind, I admit, but I do also think there's no chance I'll continue for another 10 years. So, until then, I'm gonna try making the most of this. And I don't want you to be discouraged by it, because I'm not retiring today or tomorrow. I'm still gonna be around for at least the rest of the year.

I am sorry to drop this on you. I'll try and do something cheerful soon to make up for it. I only hope you all understand.

Time for a cheesy little speech, but just have to say it.

Never stop trying to move forward, even when told you aren't good at something. Just take that as an opportunity to grow and be better. It's just that simple.

And not in a stupid "Gillette THE BEST A MAN CAN BE" or any other current bullshit way like it that tells you should feel ashamed that you aren't as good as you can be. I am saying don't give up because you think you'll never be what you want to be. Keep trying in the hope you will either be that person you want to be... or better. Stop going "Well..." and making excuses about why you can't. Stop holding yourself back.

It's what I live by. And you know what... I'm glad I do because even if I'm not currently where I want to be with my life, I'm not gonna stop trying just because I'm not as good as I want to be. But that's me and I admit, a lot of people aren't able to do that... and that's fine, but if you have the ability to do so, then there's no reason you should ever stop trying.

That is all. Sorry if it's not the most well said, but it needed to be said. And just because it sucks doesn't mean I won't try and do better.

How tormentable is he? And thus how badly does he need some sole pokels?

So, I've been thinking about restarting my Patreon. I killed it before I could even do anything with it (for good reason, I already feel bad about being terrible at getting shit out there as is), however I am having difficulty with money as everyone else and I am feeling a little better than I was back last year.

However, I don't think I'd do either tiers or such, because I don't think I could deliver on them ever right now and you guys deserve better than me just acting like "I'll totally do this now". I don't hold anyone doing that to anything, I understand and respect that they can do it, I just can't.

It's why I'm kind of mixed about doing this. I don't want to do this while am only just working on my commissions that have been a long time coming, but I am also kind of not sure if I can really continue doing it like I have been, so I've been stressing about how to do this without fucking us all over.

That's all I got on this topic at the moment. I'm just needing to figure out what to do and I figured I'd let you all in on it. You don't have to fill me in on your thoughts if you don't want to, I just figured you deserved to know if I'm gonna make such a big decision.

Short story: Internet has been shit for some time and the past few tries have just been utterly awful. So until I can get new Internet, you will not be seeing any art streams from me.

I figure most of you won't care, but I know some do. So my apologies for that.

So, I am admittedly concerned about making this journal, but May has been... certainly not the worst month I've had since the lockdown started, but it certainly hasn't been all pleasant.

First off, I'd like to mention that I am now officially thirty and have been so far. But I'm not interested in letting stuff like that out anymore, so didn't both announcing it. As will be made clear, though, it's certainly had some major effect on me, combined with the problematic situations of both deviantART and FurAffinity.

So, here's the thing... I really feel like I'm at my limit with all the stress I've had the past few months. The lockdown killed any momentum I had the started the year with and trying to pick up again has been difficulty, not the least of which being that I have some real life issues with lots of family just not respecting my time and or at least not bothering to ask before making decisions that tend to drag me away from my computer for an entire day or even multiple days. I won't go into too much detail, but to say that I've had a lot less time than I'd like to work on pics, work on other projects outside of pics, game and spend time with family, it should be clear by now that I literally feel like I'm being pulled all over the place. A couple weeks ago I also had a nasty bout of food poisoning due to what could have been from my birthday dinner, so what a way to start off my thirties, right?

So, the past couple of weeks, since I got Nestor done, I've wanted to sit down and get working on pics again and maybe even start laying the groundwork for an interesting project that I am not going to go into details about for the sake of not getting anyone's hopes up. But as I said, didn't get to, and when I think I'm going to be able to again, I start seeing more problems with FA banning other members for no real reason, then see them not fixing any of the real issues they have going on and to top it off, DA also goes and suddenly drops Eclipse permanently on us with no way to go back to the old style and with massive issues that make dealing with it a major pain in the ass. Something I honestly didn't necessarily need at this point and I'm sure I can say the same with other people too.

And the worst part is that I still have so much left to finish, so many pictures for other people to get through and so many other things such as this being a major means of income for me. If I didn't have all of that, I think I would just... prematurely call it a day. Give up drawing art on here because it's currently not bringing me any joy, only problems and my own life is making me deal with a lot too. It is almost overwhelming.

But, I will say that despite that, I'll keep trying to trek on for as long as I can. I will try to keep up with DA and FA's tomfoolery and nonsense as best I can. I just wanted to let you all know what's been going on, but do not worry, I don't plan to go anywhere any time soon.

Been awhile since I last did something like this, figured I'd do it again since I'm getting my momentum going.

Some ground rules.

1. No asking for art. You can ask about art, but that is about it. I will not answer any questions about whether I'm taking art on this journal.

2. No asking for my contact information. This is about my art process and nothing more.

3. No topics concerning politics. I will outright refuse to answer anything regarding politics.

And finally-

4. Keep it civil, please. There's no need for vitriol here.

Sorry, I wanted to, but something has come up tonight and I will not be streaming as I originally planned.

I have good news, I will be starting to more actively take commissions again. I have taken them on and off over the past few months, but not to a huge scale. I have some ideas on the kinds of commissions I want to make, and I have a schedule set up for it this time so that they will get done much quicker. So far, prices are not officially updated, but they aren't significantly different at this moment in time, so my previous version of commission prices is still pretty accurate, though it'd be a good idea to ask first just in case.

I will also be offering Icon/Avatar Commissions, since people love good pictures they can use as Avatars. I have a base idea that it will be at most $20, so they will be fairly inexpensive, though of course that's just based on the idea of them being for character faces. I will try for more communication as well, so if there's any changes, I will let you know.

Thank you for your time, I will try to put out more information soon. Hope it's a good year so far for you all.

Hope it's a good one.

Self-explanatory.

I don't have much time to indulge myself, but I'll keep it basic.

The challenge is to take a song you like and find a good cover for it. :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DYYVp4QXew

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-WRihrquec

As I demonstrated, can be covers of foreign songs as well and they don't have to be official. It's all about just finding good music. ;)

Pick any three songs that hold a special place in your heart or otherwise speaks to you. Can be from anything, so don't limit yourselves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XF3xCifQ290 From the always underappreciated Silent Hill series. One of my favorite horror franchises for it's psychological horror and themes. It makes me feel things no other horror franchise does. Alot of it has to do with Akira Yamaoka's amazing musical talents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZIpDJUE-tc Another game series near and dear to my heart, you've heard me play many songs from this series on my livestreams. So here's an emotional one for those who have finished this particular game. Those even if you haven't, it's hard not to feel a great deal of sadness from this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzHV4H2U9Tw I don't have a whole to say about how I feel about this song, but this is one does also make me feel things, no worries. ;)

Your turn, though only if you want to.

To be perfectly honest? I had actually silently killed it for awhile before I ever got around to doing something with it... I just couldn't figure out what I really wanted to do with it and I've been very depressed the past few months to even do anything. It just was something I started, then couldn't commit to because I didn't feel right about it.

And I also am gonna have to come clean here on another thing... I have pretty much lost a lot of my drive to do tickling pics or any furry pics. And that's part of my radio silence and the silent killing of my patreon before even doing anything. I know my latest pics have given the impression that I'm doing better, but I'm really not. And it's not getting any better... in fact it might be getting worse. I've been out of a job for two months and none of my current applications seem to be going anywhere and it's not been doing my confidence and mental state any favors.

Sorry for this sudden and rather depressing journal, but I couldn't figure out any other way to really talk about this otherwise. It wasn't something I wanted to proudly announce, after all.

There will be no streaming this weekend. Even if not everyone's going to see the movie, I do feel that it's a pointless endeavor to try streaming during opening weekend. :P

Well, either way, there's always next week!

The response to these pics have been amazing so far, so I decided to update them on here with higher resolution if you are all interested.

And I think I'll start doing more with these two if you guys want it.

There is not enough Mickey Mouse barefoot or being tickled for my taste! It's criminal how a character so famous and with such big feet has so little attention!

Well, I'm gonna make sure that changes, my friends! You'll see!

That people think I'm dead, or at least people who haven't noticed either my journals or updates, which admittedly are few right now.

Well, I'm not dead, I'm just still in a nasty rut. And while I'm trying to claw my way out of it, it just feels like it's getting deeper and deeper. You know how it is, after all. And I don't think I've made it any secret that I suffer from chronic depression, though at this point that's hardly anything unique, is it?

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know that, in case you were wondering. Though I really hope you weren't, I really wouldn't like to be thought of as dead while I'm still alive and (relatively) kicking.

Decided to bring this back because I kind of enjoyed it last time. Might make it a weekly thing if you guys are interested.

Music is a great thing to share if you want to know more about someone.

Here's my picks for today. This time you get three choices, however, you are limited to one song per composer or artist. Including collaborations with other artists if you already picked a song including one of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG7fr4CYer8 Tidbit, the composer of this song, Yasunori Mitsuda, is the entire reason I decided to do this again. He is currently tied with composers Masashi Hamauzu and Yoko Shimomura as my favorite video game composer.

Speaking of those two.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8hdNL7ZUA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOUb-W74-SA

Commissions started in January will be worked on and finished by the end of the week. New commissions will be open the moment the last one is finished.