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My new TV show's website is now fully functionable
Posted 17 years agohttp://www.e4.com/deadset/
Dead Set. Created and written by me, as you'll see by looking at the credits squeeze at the bottom, is a six-part horror based around the popular and boring-as-fuck reality TV show, Big Brother.
Check the link for more details.
Dead Set. Created and written by me, as you'll see by looking at the credits squeeze at the bottom, is a six-part horror based around the popular and boring-as-fuck reality TV show, Big Brother.
Check the link for more details.
New TV show next month.
Posted 17 years agohttp://www.e4.com/deadset/
My new show I've co-created and worked on is called "Dead Set" and is a cross between that godawful reality television show 'Big Brother' and zombie-flick 'Dawn of the dead'.
The website should be fully functional on Friday with the six part series to follow next month. It will air in October and stars Big Brother presenter Davina McCall. It also stars Jamie Winstone from that Donkey Punch film. Keep an eye for it on freeview digital channel E4.
I'm not sure if it will be aired outside of the UK, so you may have to download it from somewhere.
At least there's a trailer if you click on the big red eye.
My new show I've co-created and worked on is called "Dead Set" and is a cross between that godawful reality television show 'Big Brother' and zombie-flick 'Dawn of the dead'.
The website should be fully functional on Friday with the six part series to follow next month. It will air in October and stars Big Brother presenter Davina McCall. It also stars Jamie Winstone from that Donkey Punch film. Keep an eye for it on freeview digital channel E4.
I'm not sure if it will be aired outside of the UK, so you may have to download it from somewhere.
At least there's a trailer if you click on the big red eye.
I hate runners!
Posted 17 years agoAll they have to do is run around to fetch my scripts and coffees. How hard is that to grasp? I've tried to make it easier for them by having my coffee without milk or sugar, but the dull-witted bastards still manage to fuck it up! Hot water and a teaspoon of granules! Are you all fucking retarded! The other day I asked one of what I thought was an intelligent runner to fetch me a chair, and I even used the word "please" on the fucking end of it. Do I get a chair? No! The silly bint brings me a FUCKING STOOL! I asked for a chair to fucking sit in! Not a contraption so I could fuck off up the countryside for the day and milk some fucking cows! I was gobsmacked, I couldn't breathe to speak, my eyes were reeling in to the back of my skull, my face was red! When I see her again she is fired from London and she's fired from fucking life!
IMBECILES!
IMBECILES!
Hear my big idea!
Posted 17 years agoYou know that guy that likes to troll me and some of my friends here on FA?
I propose that we ignore him. Hear me out. Recently I told Darkburn this about him.
"He's not a troll, he's an attention seeking faggot who's life would not have any meaning were it not for the likes of us."
It got me thinking. What if we just chose not to respond to anything he says? Can you imagine the desparate butthurt comments he would use in order to provoke a response?
What do you think?
I propose that we ignore him. Hear me out. Recently I told Darkburn this about him.
"He's not a troll, he's an attention seeking faggot who's life would not have any meaning were it not for the likes of us."
It got me thinking. What if we just chose not to respond to anything he says? Can you imagine the desparate butthurt comments he would use in order to provoke a response?
What do you think?
And that's exactly how TV works!
Posted 17 years agoBrooker's better-than-FA's link of the day link of the week
Posted 17 years agoSave Sean Pertwee
Posted 17 years agoWhy does he have to die in every film?
Is it possible to be typecast for dying?
Don't get me wrong, Sean dies some fantastic deaths. Doomsday; burnt/cooked alive by cannibals. Perhaps even more fantastically in Dog Soldiers as the one that turned into the werewolf with his guts still hanging out.
I have this theory that at some point during his career he has come into contact with either Steven Seagal or Wesley Snipes and contracted a new form of the most feared of cinematic diseases. Snipes, Van Damme and Seagal all have the fatal "Straight to DVD" bug, but does Sean Pertwee have "Straight to RIP"?
Doomsday.
Dog Soldiers.
Even Horizon.
Equilibrium.
Wilderness.
He's died in all of these. Though Equilibrium was a bit of a shit death as his character had already died of natural causes and he was impersonated by someone else.
I also think that maybe he did a deal with the devil to be a famous actor, but instead of being tortured in hell for all eternity, he has to spend a lifetime appearing in films just so he can die in them and his soul will only be free when he appears in a Disney film.
I think Sean desperately needs to find a film script and audition for a character that isn't going to get eaten or turn into a monster or killed in some gruesome fashion, before it's too late.
In all seriousness now, I believe that Pertwee needs to find more roles like in 7 Days To Live, a role he played so well that I was convinced that he was the character as opposed to a person pretending to be one. It's a far cry from his usual swear-and-die parts that continue to grow tiresome like an entire series of Quantum Leap.
http://www.cineclub.de/images/2000/7_days3.jpg here is a still from 7 Days To Live.
Is it possible to be typecast for dying?
Don't get me wrong, Sean dies some fantastic deaths. Doomsday; burnt/cooked alive by cannibals. Perhaps even more fantastically in Dog Soldiers as the one that turned into the werewolf with his guts still hanging out.
I have this theory that at some point during his career he has come into contact with either Steven Seagal or Wesley Snipes and contracted a new form of the most feared of cinematic diseases. Snipes, Van Damme and Seagal all have the fatal "Straight to DVD" bug, but does Sean Pertwee have "Straight to RIP"?
Doomsday.
Dog Soldiers.
Even Horizon.
Equilibrium.
Wilderness.
He's died in all of these. Though Equilibrium was a bit of a shit death as his character had already died of natural causes and he was impersonated by someone else.
I also think that maybe he did a deal with the devil to be a famous actor, but instead of being tortured in hell for all eternity, he has to spend a lifetime appearing in films just so he can die in them and his soul will only be free when he appears in a Disney film.
I think Sean desperately needs to find a film script and audition for a character that isn't going to get eaten or turn into a monster or killed in some gruesome fashion, before it's too late.
In all seriousness now, I believe that Pertwee needs to find more roles like in 7 Days To Live, a role he played so well that I was convinced that he was the character as opposed to a person pretending to be one. It's a far cry from his usual swear-and-die parts that continue to grow tiresome like an entire series of Quantum Leap.
http://www.cineclub.de/images/2000/7_days3.jpg here is a still from 7 Days To Live.
"That car's killed me."
Posted 17 years agoLet's make up our own RP with Pogoroo.
Pogoroo: I'm dead.
Brooker: Whoa! Really?
P: Yeah, I got hit by a drunk driver.
B: I bet that hurt?
P: Yeah, it did, it killed me.
B: So, how are you?
P: Could be better.
B: How so?
P: I'm dead, dumbass.
B: Could've fooled me.
P: No, seriously.
B: Well if you're dead, how are you typing?
P: Well this isn't me, it's Nicolas Cage.
B: What?
P: Ghost-Rider.
B: That fake account that's under the same IP address?
P: No, this is he.
B: Well I'm really Dragoncomedian, but at least I have the balls to admit it.
P: I'm dead, seriously!
B: And I'm the real Charlie Brooker!
P: You mean you're not?!
B: How far did you have to crawl from under that rock?
P: Which rock?
B: The one they're going to bury your non-existant corpse back under.
Isn't this fun?
Pogoroo: I'm dead.
Brooker: Whoa! Really?
P: Yeah, I got hit by a drunk driver.
B: I bet that hurt?
P: Yeah, it did, it killed me.
B: So, how are you?
P: Could be better.
B: How so?
P: I'm dead, dumbass.
B: Could've fooled me.
P: No, seriously.
B: Well if you're dead, how are you typing?
P: Well this isn't me, it's Nicolas Cage.
B: What?
P: Ghost-Rider.
B: That fake account that's under the same IP address?
P: No, this is he.
B: Well I'm really Dragoncomedian, but at least I have the balls to admit it.
P: I'm dead, seriously!
B: And I'm the real Charlie Brooker!
P: You mean you're not?!
B: How far did you have to crawl from under that rock?
P: Which rock?
B: The one they're going to bury your non-existant corpse back under.
Isn't this fun?
My God, he's still alive?
Posted 17 years agoStraitfox
Posted: 11 hours ago
You are comedy gold. I love it when losers think they are so special.
But becareful even if you do win (which you can't) you are still the stupi idiot that no one finds funny.
Go watch rickrolls you hag.
That's nice, and it's "stupid" not "stupi".
You see, if you constantly go around trolling people you are bound to face some repercussions sooner or later.
My sensors indicate that you have s[pelling.
Posted: 11 hours ago
You are comedy gold. I love it when losers think they are so special.
But becareful even if you do win (which you can't) you are still the stupi idiot that no one finds funny.
Go watch rickrolls you hag.
That's nice, and it's "stupid" not "stupi".
You see, if you constantly go around trolling people you are bound to face some repercussions sooner or later.
My sensors indicate that you have s[pelling.
That spotty twat with glasses
Posted 17 years agoCan't stand Harry Fucking Potter.
I've just had my eyeballs raped by The Prisoner of Askabanana. The only thing that made it worth watching was Gary Oldman being the only one in the film that could act.
As for the werewolf.......I felt more frightened watching an episode of the Teletubbies. Though in all fairness, I had taken some LSD prior to that.
charliebrooker used "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF!".
I've just had my eyeballs raped by The Prisoner of Askabanana. The only thing that made it worth watching was Gary Oldman being the only one in the film that could act.
As for the werewolf.......I felt more frightened watching an episode of the Teletubbies. Though in all fairness, I had taken some LSD prior to that.
charliebrooker used "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF!".LET BATTLE COMMENCE!
Posted 17 years agoCome and have a go if you think you're lulz enough!
Let's play a fun game :D
Posted 17 years agoDon't start the game on this journal. Comment, but start the game on the next journal entitled "LET BATTLE COMMENCE!"
It's easy. We play pokemon with the icons/usernames of accounts here. It's relatively easy to play and anyone can join in, even people that don't like me.
How to play.
There is no HP/MP. Only status effects actually take place.
To start playing, enter someone's username at the start of your comment and include the words "A CHALLENGER APPEARS!" I'll then respond with another account as my combatant. I'll use an attack modified to look like it's associated with that user. For example;
Dragoncomedian:
allah A CHALLENGER APPEARS! Allah used "terrorist threat video". The attack was ineffective.
CharlieBrooker:
lassie Used "timmy's down the well" bark. The attack was ineffective:
Dragoncomedian: Allah used "Suicide Bomber". Lassie is paralysed.
And you can enter as many times as possible and even switch names in the fight when you decide that your current combatant is dead/incapacitated.
e.g.
Dragoncomedian: Allah used "Suicide Bomber". Lassie is paralysed.
CharlieBrooker:
jeremykyle used "be quiet, I'm talking" (silence). Allah is weakened.
It's easy. We play pokemon with the icons/usernames of accounts here. It's relatively easy to play and anyone can join in, even people that don't like me.
How to play.
There is no HP/MP. Only status effects actually take place.
To start playing, enter someone's username at the start of your comment and include the words "A CHALLENGER APPEARS!" I'll then respond with another account as my combatant. I'll use an attack modified to look like it's associated with that user. For example;
Dragoncomedian:
allah A CHALLENGER APPEARS! Allah used "terrorist threat video". The attack was ineffective.CharlieBrooker:
lassie Used "timmy's down the well" bark. The attack was ineffective:Dragoncomedian: Allah used "Suicide Bomber". Lassie is paralysed.
And you can enter as many times as possible and even switch names in the fight when you decide that your current combatant is dead/incapacitated.
e.g.
Dragoncomedian: Allah used "Suicide Bomber". Lassie is paralysed.
CharlieBrooker:
jeremykyle used "be quiet, I'm talking" (silence). Allah is weakened.I have the biggest roar in TV
Posted 17 years agohttp://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=59OJ17raqWw
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 ain't got shit on me.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 ain't got shit on me.
Todays most positive thoughts...
Posted 17 years ago"No. I'm not in a mood. I just think you're a c*nt." -
"I'm only smiling to keep my psychiatrist quiet."
"I find no problem with me drinking. I drink, I get drunk, I fall over. No problem."
"Of course it's foolproof. Just like the 360's controller, it's designed for Americans with fat f***ing fingers. I'd even go as far as to say that even a blithering idiot could use it."
How was your day at work?
"I'm only smiling to keep my psychiatrist quiet."
"I find no problem with me drinking. I drink, I get drunk, I fall over. No problem."
"Of course it's foolproof. Just like the 360's controller, it's designed for Americans with fat f***ing fingers. I'd even go as far as to say that even a blithering idiot could use it."
How was your day at work?
I AM NOT A FUCKING UNICORN!!!!
Posted 17 years agoWho wants to work in television?
Posted 17 years agoI might be a nasty person on Screenwipe, but in actuality I'm probably the nicest face you'll ever meet at the BBC.
Take a look at your career and see:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NIyg2.....eature=related
Take a look at your career and see:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NIyg2.....eature=related
Can you tell how my mind works?
Posted 17 years agoA simple and fun exercise for you. Fill in the blanks with the best thing you can think of.
"It's a _____! GET IN THE _____!"
Funny answers get lols and a number next to their name in the list of STUPID FUCK. Think of it as an ongoing score. The more things of mine you comment on and make me 'lol' the higher the number. And we all love big numbers next tp our names, even if they don't have any real meaning. Simple eh?
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah
caty 1
charliebrooker over 9000
darkburn 1
dragoncomedian over 9000
jade-scale
michaelcrichton
piersmorgan
stephenharper 1
tehozza
Sign your name here.....
Name removed if you are banned/lose the game.
"It's a _____! GET IN THE _____!"
Funny answers get lols and a number next to their name in the list of STUPID FUCK. Think of it as an ongoing score. The more things of mine you comment on and make me 'lol' the higher the number. And we all love big numbers next tp our names, even if they don't have any real meaning. Simple eh?
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah
caty 1 charliebrooker over 9000
darkburn 1
dragoncomedian over 9000
jade-scale
michaelcrichton
piersmorgan
stephenharper 1
tehozzaSign your name here.....
Name removed if you are banned/lose the game.
BRING BACK REALLYAWESOMECAT!
Posted 17 years agoI say the Admins should unban 
reallyawesomecat for the following reason.
"You are faggots."
If you want this opinion to change, allow us to stroke the proverbial pussy yet again.
Please?
Pretty please?
I'll let you yiff me?
Just unban him already! It's ReallyAwesomeCat, not EpicFailCat. It's not supposed to be like this.
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah
caty
charliebrooker
dragoncomedian
jade-scale
michaelcrichton
piersmorgan
stephenharper
tehozza
Sign your name here.....
Name removed if you are banned/lose the game.
reallyawesomecat for the following reason."You are faggots."
If you want this opinion to change, allow us to stroke the proverbial pussy yet again.
Please?
Pretty please?
I'll let you yiff me?
Just unban him already! It's ReallyAwesomeCat, not EpicFailCat. It's not supposed to be like this.
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah caty charliebrooker dragoncomedian jade-scale michaelcrichton piersmorgan stephenharper tehozzaSign your name here.....
Name removed if you are banned/lose the game.
Charlie is now enjoying his cookies! :D
Posted 17 years agoBought a guitar with a LEAD and gave my old piece of shit wireless to charity. What? Can't STUPID FUCKs be caring anymore?
Anyway, I'm now continuing to rock out with Guitar Hero 2+3. Expect a written screenwipe of them both soon.
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah
caty
charliebrooker
dragoncomedian
jade-scale
michaelcrichton
piersmorgan
stephenharper
tehozza
Sign your name here.....
Name removed if you are banned/lose the game.
Anyway, I'm now continuing to rock out with Guitar Hero 2+3. Expect a written screenwipe of them both soon.
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah caty charliebrooker dragoncomedian jade-scale michaelcrichton piersmorgan stephenharper tehozzaSign your name here.....
Name removed if you are banned/lose the game.
Charlie can't enjoy his cookie...
Posted 17 years agobecause he can't get his guitar to connect to his XBOX 360. Things are not naturally designed to be connected to each other by air dammit!
Are you a STUPID FUCK?
Posted 17 years agoI want to make a list of all the people that have been labelled as STUPID FUCKs by our friendly neighbourhood fatty-fox-mongler.
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah
caty
charliebrooker
dragoncomedian
jade-scale
michaelcrichton
piersmorgan
reallyawesomecat
spengbab
stephenharper
tehozza
the_internet
woofi
Sign your name here.....
The awesome list of STUPID FUCK: (in Alphabetesticle order)
allah caty charliebrooker dragoncomedian jade-scale michaelcrichton piersmorgan reallyawesomecat
spengbab stephenharper tehozza
the_internet
woofiSign your name here.....
Take heed. This is a serious account.
Posted 17 years agoSo I'm having fun talking to people that are trolls. Does that make me one? Absolutely not.
The reason some might think I'm a troll is because of Straitfox. He's the only person here acting like a complete and utter prick toward me and I'm ashamed of you for believing him. As long as he keeps talking absolute bollocks about me then I'm going to keep calling bullshit on him for it. It is my right that I defend myself against such comments as the ones he makes against my person.
I have pieces in my gallery that I created (apart from the lovely giftart from TehOzza or the picture from DragonComedian) myself or as a collaboration, for which I've given due credit. I have favourites, as other people do and even interact socially with other accounts. If that makes me a troll then I'm at a loss as to what doesn't make me one. I suppose just lying on my front so you can fuck me up the arse with your pin-dicked opinions? Fuck that. I'm going to say anything and everything I can to defend myself from trolls and hypocrites like Straitfox.
The reason some might think I'm a troll is because of Straitfox. He's the only person here acting like a complete and utter prick toward me and I'm ashamed of you for believing him. As long as he keeps talking absolute bollocks about me then I'm going to keep calling bullshit on him for it. It is my right that I defend myself against such comments as the ones he makes against my person.
I have pieces in my gallery that I created (apart from the lovely giftart from TehOzza or the picture from DragonComedian) myself or as a collaboration, for which I've given due credit. I have favourites, as other people do and even interact socially with other accounts. If that makes me a troll then I'm at a loss as to what doesn't make me one. I suppose just lying on my front so you can fuck me up the arse with your pin-dicked opinions? Fuck that. I'm going to say anything and everything I can to defend myself from trolls and hypocrites like Straitfox.
Ah, hello there, Doctor.
Posted 17 years agoDo you like Ban-Stick waving as much as sick animals turn me on?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7HIWKdyniM
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7HIWKdyniM
Crimsonwho?
Posted 17 years ago"My assumption is you -are- a spoilt child and need to go take your immature drama bullshit elsewhere. If this continues I'll be forced to send a report to the web master. I suggest you heed my warning before you get your sorry ass banned."
Do you think you own this place?
Do you think you own this place?
FA screenwiped
Posted 17 years agoI AM RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCvbFRoDBCg
It doesn't shock me too greatly about the whole wanting to fuck animals which is spread between a majority of FA users. I can understand it coming from a late teen that loves his SciFi and Manga, but then I come across the page of the leader of this group of groundbreaking fantasists and my moral sensibilities are shocked into action of words. I must be the only person here that thinks there's something sinisterly peadophilic about a 28 year old man submitting pictures of children's cartoon characters with fucking huge cocks throbbing from their hips.
It doesn't get any cleaner when I go to brose the adult section of the cub art just to see what is s adult about it and what do I find?
Blood?
Guts?
Violence?
NO!
More throbbing cocks but this time from Simba and the ironically named Thumper.
Stop putting cocks on Disney characters!
Speaking of cocks: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wiwmYjk9ARA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCvbFRoDBCg
It doesn't shock me too greatly about the whole wanting to fuck animals which is spread between a majority of FA users. I can understand it coming from a late teen that loves his SciFi and Manga, but then I come across the page of the leader of this group of groundbreaking fantasists and my moral sensibilities are shocked into action of words. I must be the only person here that thinks there's something sinisterly peadophilic about a 28 year old man submitting pictures of children's cartoon characters with fucking huge cocks throbbing from their hips.
It doesn't get any cleaner when I go to brose the adult section of the cub art just to see what is s adult about it and what do I find?
Blood?
Guts?
Violence?
NO!
More throbbing cocks but this time from Simba and the ironically named Thumper.
Stop putting cocks on Disney characters!
Speaking of cocks: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wiwmYjk9ARA
