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Plugging my fiance's page.
Posted 3 years agohttps://www.furaffinity.net/user/mesasapoop/
Just advertising my fiance, since she's finally becoming active in FA.
If any of my friends/watchers are interested, we would greatly appreciate if you came and checked her content out in the coming days.
Just advertising my fiance, since she's finally becoming active in FA.
If any of my friends/watchers are interested, we would greatly appreciate if you came and checked her content out in the coming days.
Probably going to go homeless
Posted 5 years agoFor a while now, I've been barely managing to support myself and my fiance on a combination of my disability(870/mo on account of my heart issues) and off-the-record bookkeeping for elderly neighbors.
Anybody who knows me knows that wasn't enough. My fiance has far worse health issues than I do, health issues which we are still struggling with to get Social Security to wake up and accept, as they refuse to acknowledge she even HAS them. Every day BEFORE Covid19 was a struggle to make it while paying for her medicine, nursing her at home while still trying to find work and supporting her work as an artist as best I could.
After Covid, obviously things got worse for everybody. It became harder to keep up with bills or convince Social Security that our case is legit I'm am environment where everyone is fighting over an easy monthly stipend. My last client died around May, and my aging mother moved in with us to protect herself. Now, my mother is moving out again to nurse her friend, and my fiance and I cannot afford to renew our lease, so we are officially going to be homeless.
Everything I've found is either even more expensive, or for 61+. Seeing as I am only halfway there, I'm not sure what to do anymore.
I was going gray in my mid 20's. You can't fake that kind of stress.
Anybody who knows me knows that wasn't enough. My fiance has far worse health issues than I do, health issues which we are still struggling with to get Social Security to wake up and accept, as they refuse to acknowledge she even HAS them. Every day BEFORE Covid19 was a struggle to make it while paying for her medicine, nursing her at home while still trying to find work and supporting her work as an artist as best I could.
After Covid, obviously things got worse for everybody. It became harder to keep up with bills or convince Social Security that our case is legit I'm am environment where everyone is fighting over an easy monthly stipend. My last client died around May, and my aging mother moved in with us to protect herself. Now, my mother is moving out again to nurse her friend, and my fiance and I cannot afford to renew our lease, so we are officially going to be homeless.
Everything I've found is either even more expensive, or for 61+. Seeing as I am only halfway there, I'm not sure what to do anymore.
I was going gray in my mid 20's. You can't fake that kind of stress.
I'm back (kinda)
Posted 7 years agoTried to put this message out about 2 months before, don't know why it didn't go through.
I'm not a very active member of the site anymore, but if anybody wants to keep in touch, just send a message, ask for my contact info, whatever. There's obviously more than a few of you I'd love to keep in touch with, explain my absence, etc.
Just not explaining it in a journal that I can't guarantee will go through this site
I'm not a very active member of the site anymore, but if anybody wants to keep in touch, just send a message, ask for my contact info, whatever. There's obviously more than a few of you I'd love to keep in touch with, explain my absence, etc.
Just not explaining it in a journal that I can't guarantee will go through this site
Quick update
Posted 7 years agoFigured I'd give an update to the select few that even still watch me, to explain my long silence. Blah blah drama blah taken blah. x3
I won't be on here much for a while, at least until I get settled. If you're interested in talking to me despite this, and are somehow still active, send me a message, and I'll give you my contact info.
I won't be on here much for a while, at least until I get settled. If you're interested in talking to me despite this, and are somehow still active, send me a message, and I'll give you my contact info.
Youtube: A Headstart on New Year's Resolutionss
Posted 9 years agoEarly last year (or was it the year before? Family drama has really dulled my sense of time) I stated that I would soon be starting my own youtube channel. Unfortunately, I've said a lot of things I haven't managed to hold myself to, and I blame that entirely on the turmoil I have surrounded myself with since 2010. It is in large part my fault, almost as large part due to factors beyond my control at the time.
As of mid last year, I no longer live with my mother, and instead am roommates with one of my cousins and her fiance. And since then my life has taken one huge leap for the better after another. I will be grateful to her for taking me in in my time of need for a very long time.
That being said, one of the huge leaps was getting myself into a better job than I have had in the past, and, more recently, another was finally starting the youtube channel, which was the point of me writing this journal.
For now I'll be sticking to pc mobas, but as soon as I find a decent camera, that'll be expanded to horror games and other genres.
Keep in mind at the moment I am still an amateur, but for those who are interested:
Https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI.....O45PxpCA-h1qLA
Anything that is done to get the word out is greatly appreciated.
As of mid last year, I no longer live with my mother, and instead am roommates with one of my cousins and her fiance. And since then my life has taken one huge leap for the better after another. I will be grateful to her for taking me in in my time of need for a very long time.
That being said, one of the huge leaps was getting myself into a better job than I have had in the past, and, more recently, another was finally starting the youtube channel, which was the point of me writing this journal.
For now I'll be sticking to pc mobas, but as soon as I find a decent camera, that'll be expanded to horror games and other genres.
Keep in mind at the moment I am still an amateur, but for those who are interested:
Https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI.....O45PxpCA-h1qLA
Anything that is done to get the word out is greatly appreciated.
I really complicate my life way too much sometimes
Posted 10 years agoRoughly 6-7 years ago, during my last years of high school and before I joined the furry universe fully, I played games on the Byond engine. In an rp, I met and fell in love with a girl who will be my semi distant future roommate/LP partner.
Back then, I was even more of a timid wreck than I am now, so I didn't even have the courage to talk to her outside rp. We didn't meet again until almost 3 years ago by chance, and since then we have gotten far closer than any normal friends would, but I was too late to be any more than a third wheel in her existing open relationship.
I'm not big on polygamy anymore, but I don't have anything against it other than my personal traumas. Still, the fact that I have loved this person for even longer than my best friend on FA (that femboy knows who he is) makes this a very painful experience, and emotionally I have never been very strong. It doesn't help that I'm just now finishing my second move since March this year.
I just wanted to rant, but if anybody wants to comment, to offer advice or otherwise, feel free. This writing is for me more than anybody; it's easy to lose myself in my writing, and I'll take up the pen and keyboard again. Very soon.
Back then, I was even more of a timid wreck than I am now, so I didn't even have the courage to talk to her outside rp. We didn't meet again until almost 3 years ago by chance, and since then we have gotten far closer than any normal friends would, but I was too late to be any more than a third wheel in her existing open relationship.
I'm not big on polygamy anymore, but I don't have anything against it other than my personal traumas. Still, the fact that I have loved this person for even longer than my best friend on FA (that femboy knows who he is) makes this a very painful experience, and emotionally I have never been very strong. It doesn't help that I'm just now finishing my second move since March this year.
I just wanted to rant, but if anybody wants to comment, to offer advice or otherwise, feel free. This writing is for me more than anybody; it's easy to lose myself in my writing, and I'll take up the pen and keyboard again. Very soon.
This IMVU thing; Overreactions with reasonable cause
Posted 10 years agoFirst off? I won't leave, period, unless FA tries to get me to pay for notes, comments, or watching. Since I haven't shared most of my non-personal furry writing with anybody but the closest friends (Is it weird I only share "personal" non-furry shit?) the acquisition by IMVU doesn't affect me nearly as much until said friends/watchers or my favorite artists jump ship. Which, thankfully, every single one of them agree they won't be leaving anytime soon.
That being said, while a lot of people who are staying think those that left overreacted (which I agree they did overreact, this post is just for the sake of stating both sides), at the same time I don't think it's fair to give the leavers so much heat. IMVU is NOTORIOUS for it's anti-furry crowds and anti-artist policies (if people don't know what I'm referring to with that last one, if you're an artist yourself, check IMVU to be sure that your art isn't up there for profit). I've heard more than one artist complain that her art was up there as wallpapers and other users were selling them. When asked by artists to take down their art, IMVU is under the impression that it's ok to sell anothers' works as long as credit is given, despite the artist's protests.
So yeah. I won't be leaving without some major detrimental changes to the site, but I don't think it's fair to give others so much heat given the situation. Change is indeed scary. The fact that it's IMVU just doesn't help.
That being said, while a lot of people who are staying think those that left overreacted (which I agree they did overreact, this post is just for the sake of stating both sides), at the same time I don't think it's fair to give the leavers so much heat. IMVU is NOTORIOUS for it's anti-furry crowds and anti-artist policies (if people don't know what I'm referring to with that last one, if you're an artist yourself, check IMVU to be sure that your art isn't up there for profit). I've heard more than one artist complain that her art was up there as wallpapers and other users were selling them. When asked by artists to take down their art, IMVU is under the impression that it's ok to sell anothers' works as long as credit is given, despite the artist's protests.
So yeah. I won't be leaving without some major detrimental changes to the site, but I don't think it's fair to give others so much heat given the situation. Change is indeed scary. The fact that it's IMVU just doesn't help.
Just an update
Posted 12 years agoSooo I finally got cleared of the bs going on that never should have happened.. (honestly Florida is becoming a worse and worse place to live) And I'm ecstatic about that. But it's given me time to think, and as much as I care for my friends, I'm still not over my ex, which is why I haven't made any updates in a while. So if you have my number or email you can text or whatever. Otherwise I'm going to try to find something to distract me from my own incompetence and inability to move on, when I'm not socializing with you guys.
In any case I'm still going to be hanging at the regular places for those who know me irl. Nothing's going to change with my personality except I might flirt a little less. I'm still going to be as fun as I can be for you guys ^^
Someday I hope she finds this profile and realizes that I truly love her and am still waiting like she asked me to. So please forgive me for these melodramatic journals. It's just really here for my close friends who don't care when I get like this, and Gabby on the off chance she's looking for me too.
In any case I'm still going to be hanging at the regular places for those who know me irl. Nothing's going to change with my personality except I might flirt a little less. I'm still going to be as fun as I can be for you guys ^^
Someday I hope she finds this profile and realizes that I truly love her and am still waiting like she asked me to. So please forgive me for these melodramatic journals. It's just really here for my close friends who don't care when I get like this, and Gabby on the off chance she's looking for me too.
Christmas 6 months later...
Posted 12 years agoA relative commented the other day, "Sean. It's fucking June. Why do you still have the fake Christmas tree still up??" Now, I would be asking the same question if it was somebody else's house, I admit...except the tree isn't fake. It's somehow still a deep green even though we haven't watered in it for months, and my kitten loves to play with the damn thing, so I was promised, "As soon as that thing is visibly dying, we can take it out, until then, let the cat hide in it."
At this point, it'll be more embarrassing to put a Christmas tree on the side of the road when it eventually DOES die. It's JUNE.
At this point, it'll be more embarrassing to put a Christmas tree on the side of the road when it eventually DOES die. It's JUNE.
Seriously, when is microsoft going to stop!?
Posted 12 years agoThey're constantly fucking themselves over...at this rate they will be by far the lowest rated console of the next gen...
Seriously, they already fired one higher-up developer for making the same type of comment publicly, but now they're doing it again! They are seriously way too anti-consumer.
http://www.ign.com/articles/2013/06.....ource=facebook
Seriously, they already fired one higher-up developer for making the same type of comment publicly, but now they're doing it again! They are seriously way too anti-consumer.
http://www.ign.com/articles/2013/06.....ource=facebook
98 Rock Fest
Posted 12 years agoLooking for anybody willing to go to the 98 rock fest(In Tampa). I'm not sure I'm gonna go unless somebody else comes, I never really like going out for these things alone (I'm not your designated driver x3)
http://www.98rock.com/pages/rockfest/
Anybody who's going, or wants to, just let me know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oga17dQIH_o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq65Jkl_wO0
Two of the bands I know are in.
http://www.98rock.com/pages/rockfest/
Anybody who's going, or wants to, just let me know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oga17dQIH_o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq65Jkl_wO0
Two of the bands I know are in.
Is this really the world we live in?
Posted 12 years agoNow people who know me know I tend to draw the short end of the stick in terms of life, but...at least I'm still alive. I shouldn't be so morose when things like Boston happen way too often. At least 3 people dead, one of them only 8 years old...saying you'd give your life for theirs now is selfish. No amount of words can take away the pain the families of the dead. We can only pray, whether to god or to some other religious or spiritual belief, that their pain will one day subside.
Still...somebody so young dead, it hits you deep.
..Is this really the world we live in?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJYETbW36BI
Still...somebody so young dead, it hits you deep.
..Is this really the world we live in?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJYETbW36BI
Creating Chase? Would like some help
Posted 12 years agoAt the moment, my money is completely dedicated to the upcoming move north, and most artists don't do this kind of charity, so this is really only directed towards my friends, or anybody who might be interested;
I'd like to have my character finally created, so that when I can afford it I can commission some of my favorite artists. I would really appreciate anybody who wanted to help. I don't think any of the artists who do requests would make an entirely new character from scratch, but in the case I am lucky, I will be leaving this journal up for a while. Anybody who would like to help me, you can either send me a note or email me. I would appreciate it.
I'd like to have my character finally created, so that when I can afford it I can commission some of my favorite artists. I would really appreciate anybody who wanted to help. I don't think any of the artists who do requests would make an entirely new character from scratch, but in the case I am lucky, I will be leaving this journal up for a while. Anybody who would like to help me, you can either send me a note or email me. I would appreciate it.
Getting ready for dat move
Posted 12 years agoGetting ready to move in with a couple friends in Gainesville roughly in the next 2 months, and reapplying to college while I'm at it. I've gone long enough without finishing my first college experience(2 years) and I'm done making excuses as to why I shouldn't. I could've dropped everything and did it, but now I have a reason to. I want to start over with my life, make a couple amends with the people I pushed away and leave behind the people that only made it worse.
So yeah, if anybody sees a tall guy in need of a haircut in north florida, chances are it's probably me getting ready for the move and taking some last looks at the place I'm going to be staying.
So yeah, if anybody sees a tall guy in need of a haircut in north florida, chances are it's probably me getting ready for the move and taking some last looks at the place I'm going to be staying.
Feeling like a useless friend >.<
Posted 12 years agoI finally have some free time on my hands, and a couple of my closest friends have been dealing with shit and I was completely oblivious to the full extent of it until just now...I'd like to go visit them and help clear their heads, but my body is trying to cough out my fricking lungs! >.< I also seem to have a sinus infection, hopefully nothing too serious, but it's seriously enflamed and constantly in pain at the slightest hint of air, so I'm bedridden for a while.
Ugh...! This is karma biting me on the ass for letting a drunk chick grab my ass...it was a fricking dare karma! COMON!
Ugh...! This is karma biting me on the ass for letting a drunk chick grab my ass...it was a fricking dare karma! COMON!
First Time Clubbing (for Cuz's bday)
Posted 12 years agoI wanted to take a few pictures, but the others were so drunk and I wasn't so steady myself(not drunk...I can NEVER get there >.<) so.. x3
Anyway, my cuz turned 24 (she's a little less than 3 years older than me) yesterday, so Saturday, I went north to visit with her and her bf. We all decided to go to this electronic/techno club that her friend's brother owned, and I actually had a good time. Awesome music I could listen to without anybody judging (x3) a decent bar and I got flirted on like crazy...specially since I couldn't dance and just hung around the bar. One girl actually took a pic of pretending to grab my bum for a dare o//O
Anyway, it's definitely a scene I want to look into, minus the mass amount of drinks. I might just come out and be social again :3
All in all it was worth it, as was her party, had a few drinks and met someone(?) there, but that's a story I'm saving for myself for now.. x3
Anyway, my cuz turned 24 (she's a little less than 3 years older than me) yesterday, so Saturday, I went north to visit with her and her bf. We all decided to go to this electronic/techno club that her friend's brother owned, and I actually had a good time. Awesome music I could listen to without anybody judging (x3) a decent bar and I got flirted on like crazy...specially since I couldn't dance and just hung around the bar. One girl actually took a pic of pretending to grab my bum for a dare o//O
Anyway, it's definitely a scene I want to look into, minus the mass amount of drinks. I might just come out and be social again :3
All in all it was worth it, as was her party, had a few drinks and met someone(?) there, but that's a story I'm saving for myself for now.. x3
Feeling very random o.o
Posted 12 years agoDerp that herp you herpaderp! o//o I ISZ BORED AND ISZ TEH RANDOMNESSESS D:
...nope not done.
YOU GON LEGGO MY EGGO!!! RAAAWWR!!!...rawr.
Bleh. Ok random rant over.
...nope not done.
YOU GON LEGGO MY EGGO!!! RAAAWWR!!!...rawr.
Bleh. Ok random rant over.
I'd like to say...
Posted 12 years agoTo my friends, watching and not, I'd like to apologize for the depressing atmosphere on my page lately. I haven't been myself since 'she' left, but there was no reason for me to be all mopey about it. Life is difficult enough as it is without somebody you know adding onto it.
That being said, I've been getting ready to move for a few days and it's given me time to clear my head and mellow out, and I know I wouldn't have had the courage to apologize like this if I wasn't so damn calm. I'm a chicken wuss, I know. But to all the texts and skype messages I've recieved, and the phone call...thanks. For being there. I love you all, and I'll do better in the future. I promise.
That being said, I've been getting ready to move for a few days and it's given me time to clear my head and mellow out, and I know I wouldn't have had the courage to apologize like this if I wasn't so damn calm. I'm a chicken wuss, I know. But to all the texts and skype messages I've recieved, and the phone call...thanks. For being there. I love you all, and I'll do better in the future. I promise.
Realistic Nightmare
Posted 12 years agoIt's been a month since I learned about what my gf's been doing behind my back(from other people), and at the very least 2 weeks since she stopped talking. I'm sure it's pretty much over for her by this point, but I still fall asleep by myself at night trembling and unable to even cry, usually.
Tonight I had a small nap before I went to work, and I dreamt of her. I was staying somewhere with my cousin to get away, and she found us and came over to explain everything to me. But no matter how much she told me, I didn't believe her. She delved deeper into her escapades, saying she had 'revelations' when she tried being with people besides me, and still I didn't believe her. By the time I woke up the explanations were still going on.
Now normally I wouldn't talk in such detail about my dreams online, but this particular one bothered me, because I'm trying to move on. Was it just a dream saying I can't trust her again, or is there some deeper meaning behind it? Anybody want to help? :/
Tonight I had a small nap before I went to work, and I dreamt of her. I was staying somewhere with my cousin to get away, and she found us and came over to explain everything to me. But no matter how much she told me, I didn't believe her. She delved deeper into her escapades, saying she had 'revelations' when she tried being with people besides me, and still I didn't believe her. By the time I woke up the explanations were still going on.
Now normally I wouldn't talk in such detail about my dreams online, but this particular one bothered me, because I'm trying to move on. Was it just a dream saying I can't trust her again, or is there some deeper meaning behind it? Anybody want to help? :/
Just rip my heart out, why dont you 3:
Posted 12 years agowww.youtube.com/watch?v=QFdtbywhyFc
Reason for my lack of journals...having some issues with my gf. So much so that I completely scrapped the song I was working on that I had been dedicating to her and would have made my 10th. I'm growing tired of 'hanging on' with her history with me, and the way she's treating me recently. It took all I had to work today with everything between us the way it is.
Btw yes, you should be able to recogize the track. Ascension and I are going to have a deep love-hate relationship, I can already tell.
Reason for my lack of journals...having some issues with my gf. So much so that I completely scrapped the song I was working on that I had been dedicating to her and would have made my 10th. I'm growing tired of 'hanging on' with her history with me, and the way she's treating me recently. It took all I had to work today with everything between us the way it is.
Btw yes, you should be able to recogize the track. Ascension and I are going to have a deep love-hate relationship, I can already tell.
journal for the sake of journaling...that's the word right?
Posted 12 years agoWas getting tired of the nerdy journal...y...thing...but yea bnet kids today have no idea what a good game is >.> only good games still alive are rpgs and stolen from starcraft.
I'll have a real journal written later this week on updates about my music. I've just been swamped in work and finances for a while now...anybody wanna give a broke guy a small loan? ;-;
I'll have a real journal written later this week on updates about my music. I've just been swamped in work and finances for a while now...anybody wanna give a broke guy a small loan? ;-;
Back on Frozen Throne
Posted 12 years agoI move around waaayy too much. I had 2 warcraft 3 cd keys and 1 for the frozen throne, and I lost one of each. So since I moved into this place around march(?) I've been very hesitant to go back on wc3. Finally the other day I said 'fuck it.' and bought a new cd key. I can't believe it's only 10 dollars now. But anyway I'll be spending a lot of time on there for a while as I try to reconnect with old friends and clearing out my list of people that wont ever show up.
On a side note, I am dealing with a major stalker issue, so I will not be on my FM account AT ALL for the forseeable future. Any and all contact with me will be either on here, skype or hotmail. Or by some miracle through wc3 and battle.net. Username is the same as on here, chase_sparrow. Best time to look for me is at night, when I'm not working or writing.
On a side note, I am dealing with a major stalker issue, so I will not be on my FM account AT ALL for the forseeable future. Any and all contact with me will be either on here, skype or hotmail. Or by some miracle through wc3 and battle.net. Username is the same as on here, chase_sparrow. Best time to look for me is at night, when I'm not working or writing.
My heart on my sleeve
Posted 13 years agoI wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm constantly scared of it being broken. Love itself is beautiful and worth anything, but the road to love is harsh and relentless. I have no doubt I will find more heartbreak before I find a girl who is honest and loves me for who I am, and I am faltering, but after the past few weeks I am finally struggling to get back on my feet. No more keeling over for me!
Forever out of Reach
Posted 13 years agoLove. I've never known it, and I probably never will. I've loved people, sure, but it wasnt mutual. Who could love a broken down fool like me, who wears his heart on his sleeve and writes depressing journals like this one?
Gotta love family.
Posted 13 years agoI've been spending the past couple days at my dear cousin's place, hoping to take a load off. Unfortunately, between doctors and a friend/former neighbor who wants to hang out at my place so we can get each other's contact info, I seem to be just as busy as usual. And now I feel bad going in and out of a family's place.
I'm so grateful next week is thanksgiving. Might not be my favorite holiday, but it's all about family...and the occasional group of geeks going out to some gaming tournament (my friends are planning to do the DDR tourney...I think I'ma sit this one out this time). Perfect time for me to relax and enjoy life with close relatives! :)
I'm so grateful next week is thanksgiving. Might not be my favorite holiday, but it's all about family...and the occasional group of geeks going out to some gaming tournament (my friends are planning to do the DDR tourney...I think I'ma sit this one out this time). Perfect time for me to relax and enjoy life with close relatives! :)
