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I dunno, bored, wanna list my transgender thoughts here....

Things that excite me about being a girl:
- Clothes and style... awww yiss, the pretty clothes
- Sexuality... shhhhh!
- Personality/Expression. I dunno, feel like I could be more open and fun if I were a girl
- How people may treat me (positively)... I'm shooting in the dark here cuz it might be different if I have that perspective >.<
- seeing the world in a new way
- a new life... honestly, I could redesign myself as someone completely different
- I'd be fulfilling a long time desire. It's been 10+ years that I've wanted to be a girl... so um yeah...

Things that scare me:
- pretty much completely giving up my current life... cuz there is almost no way it will be the same. I have friendships I don't want to lose.... and while no one has told me they'd abandon me, I fear how they will feel about me if I were a girl suddenly
- will I look pretty?... the ultimate question of any girl I suppose. I'd also pose the question: can I maintain my body? and more to the point of the fact my only option irl is transexualism: will I look passable?
- how people may treat me (negatively)...... there will be a huge shift in how people treat me. I have no idea what's in store for me >.<
- The unknowns.... cuz there are a lot of things I don't have a damn clue about woman or "how to be a woman" >.<
- the fact I'd never be able to reproduce >.<... I do want children someday, preferable of me... but irl, there is no safe procedure for me to have kids as a transexual, and not to mention I wouldn't have any "reproduction matter" >.<

Things about peanuts:
- they can come in a variety of flavors such as salted or honey roasted
- they grow underground like a potato
- it's typical to expect to peanuts in a shell
- they can be made into a pasty substance called peanut butter
- peanut butter is an awesome ingredient of reese's peanut butter cups
- I currently don't have any peanuts to nom v_v




//Meh, idk basically a lot is on my mind... stuff that should be low priority atm >.< but w/e
//any input on this would be nice... I like just knowing people read this... If anything, at least put "peanut" so I know you looked at the journal <3

Sorryy... I haz too much going on irl atm :/ I will be on when I can <3

Moved in with my brother... FINALLLY x3 and it is indeed good. High speed interwebs ftw! :3 I also somehow managed to tell him about the whole "I want to be a girl" deal... and of all people he had a really mild reaction to it. He was pretty indifferent about it and kept assuring me I didn't need to be nervous (my leg was shaking like crazy). I also mentioned Alex ♥ and again wasn't weirded out or anything x3333 I'm pretty damn fucking happy atm.... I was more surprised about his lack of surprise about my life x3

//EDIT\\ OH... and I showed him Aeva :3 hehe x3

Another thing I don't understand is why people feel the need to reciprocate with their secrets when I tell them mine. .-.

anyway... interesting night x3

...AND ALEX I'M SORRY BUT I NEED SLEEP AND I WILL DRAW STUFF TOMORROW <33333 :3 I PROMISE AND YOU CAN WATCH ME STREAM SHEEZ IF YOU WANT x3

Just so many good things happening lately I think.. *knocks on wood* I don't want to jynx it. I used to think my luck rotated in years or something, but that can't be the case :3

I got to talk to some awesome people tonight x3 and even video chat Alex ♥ and see his pet bearded dragon, Apollo :333. I think he wanted to eat his neck ._. Nu Apollo! go to your room/cage thingy :3

Anywayyy x3 good friends as well, both irl and here on FA. You all know who you are :3 *shines spotlights on all of em*

sooo yup yup :3 Just wanted to say all that stuff

Well, I don't have monies to buy art atm, but I've been considering doing trades. :o I like so many arts and I hope my art is good enough for trading x3

Also if anyone wants, I might be willing to take on a collab! :3 You've seen what I can do with Jay's lineart :3

ALSO, I think I might do a raffle soon too :3 No one has objected to a raffle :V

...finally, I might take on a few commissions...

sooo who would be interested in any of this? O.o just out of curiosity :3

is doing a raffle for a place in a YCH piece

More info here: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/10791402/

is doing an art raffle for a piece with his character (clean/adult).

More info here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4720548/

I need to do more artz .-. or something.... meh <.< sorry for the boring extra journal guys.. <3

Off to washington dc today :3 I'll be back at like 9pm est I wanna say... sorry peoplez <3

is planning a raffle for when she hits 3.5k watchers, check it out!

Go heerrrre: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4692140/

Her raffle ends when she hits 3.5k watchers :3

I notice -- it may be just because the same people tend to enter a lot of raffles (or the same ones I do), but-- it seems like same people always win raffles. Usually not by the same artists too. Not complaining about it... but it seems some more people are born lucky in some respects; obviously not exclusively raffles. I'm talking about luck through their entire lives. And while I can be SO much worse off than I am now, I gotta ask why some people seem so lucky while others seem to have almost no chance at all? Is it some cosmic karma playing a joke on them? or is it just coincidence?

There is no way to really tell I suppose. Personally I think my luck (in general) rotates by year (one year bad, one year good), but there are exceptions to that because plenty of good things have happened on bad years and so on.. but in the end, it keeps a balance so I have an equal amount of good and bad luck in my life....

So idk... I just hope when I'm on my "good luck years" I achieve more than my "bad luck years" What more can I ask for? :3

So.. more tornadoes in the midwest. Hand in there those stuck in Oklahoma City, Joplin, and every other area under siege!

Hai! :3 I'm bored! what's up!?

*all the giggles!* <3

I get in a funk sometimes... guess everyone does... but ^_^ how is everyone? 100+ watchers, hope someone will say something :3

is doing a raffle for a free sketch

More info here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4643650/

is doing a raffle to celebrate his reaching 2000 watchers.

More info here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4647480/

is doing a raffle!

Go here for more info: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10610758/

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:3

is paying for a YCH and is selecting someone else to be in it via a raffle.

More info here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4637275/

I hate it when I actually go through my subscribed gallery and find sad art.. especially when it's weeks old because then I feel bad I didn't say anything to them. >.< Usually they end up alright anyway, which is good. But yar... hope everyfur stays okay and knows to ask for help when they truly need it! Even if it's just someone to talk to. :3

Just getting something in to the open that is probably trivial to most of you...

It's not uncommon in the fandom to find people of "abnormal" sexual backgrounds. Honestly, it's one of the main reasons why I joined the fandom. I have for the longest time wanted to be a girl. I've kept it to myself for the majority of my life. I made one attempt to tell my younger brother once. But after he failed to keep it a secret, I managed in to do a clever manipulation thus making him think it was just a dream or some sort of false memory. From there on, I told absolutely no one.

After about half a year in the fandom, I was comfortable enough around some of my closer friends to open up to them about it. I am happy for the support I receive from them. I've grown a lot more comfortable with admitting "who" I am, and displaying it in limited ways. I won't ever lie on the internet about the fact that I am a guy... but I made a female fursona... just because it makes me happy.

No one outside the fandom knows of this... only because I still don't have the confidence to tell anyway about it. Regardless, I'm still a straight guy... and I suppose I play what I actually am well enough that no one suspects it; aside from maybe my best friend but that's another story and he wouldn't care if I were to tell him.

So why am I writing a journal about this? Well, I think it's a reasonable step in building confidence about it. For the longest time I passed it off as "it will fade with time"... but it hasn't. So rather than hiding part of who I am, I might as well embrace it. Who knows? Maybe being open about it will give me some opportunities to change sex.

I can't explain exactly why I want to be a woman... or even guess for sure that I'd be happier as a woman... but I'd to think that whatever is driving me to think this way is justified. Anyway, thanks for reading... this is the most openly I've admitted this, and I hope I didn't just waste all of your time. ._. now for sleep... peace out fuzbutts!

~Aeva/Aerux :3

._.

is doing free sketches

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4600903/