I'm going to be deactivating this account as soon as I can. Pretty much for the same reasons as everyone else at the moment: I'm tired of these security breaches and reading the admins say "we found several holes in our security, whoops" over and over again. If you aren't able to make a secure enough site yourself, get help!

So, before I go I'm going to write up all the information of owed art and other important stuff from notes, as well as contact the people who I owe something to and make sure they know how to contact me and where to find me.

Once that's done I'm going to deactivate this account.
I don't know if it's a permanent decision or not, but most likely it is.


So!
The best ways to contact me:
DeviantART: http://mrsgunsoul.deviantart.com/
Email: Halcyon(a)hotmail.fi

Other places to find me from:
Though I'm not as active on them (at least yet) and they are really outdated. If you decide to contact me on one of these, expect a slow response.
https://chiroina.sofurry.com/
https://www.weasyl.com/~chiroina

Eeeyup, ye heard me right.

It's not for me though, but my little sister :)
She asked me if I knew anyone who makes partial suits 'cause she's gonna get one, meaning head, tail, arms and legs/feet.

We live in Finland, so I dare say she'd prefer to have someone from the EU do it for her if not even Finland (darn that would be lucky!) than the US or someplace else, but everyone has a chance! c:

If you're a suit maker, please direct me to somewhere where I can see your works.
If you know someone who makes suits, please direct me to the maker and/or someplace where I can see their work and contact them.
Also seeing your/their pricing guide would be ideal. :)

Also, merry late Xmas everyone :)

---

You still have your chance to be a >> Lip Balm Tester << !

~ Step One ~
Make a post to your journal. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes.
The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related.

~ Step Two ~
Surf around your friends' list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part...
If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true.
Sometimes one person's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift
certificate you won't use - or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free - do it.
You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out,
it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf - to spread the joy.
Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call. There are no guarantees with this project,
and no strings attached. Just... wish, and it might come true. Give and you might receive.
You'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

---

~ My List ~

1) My first wish is more towards the New Year but anyway -- I hope it all goes well.
We are supposed to go spend the New Year with my boyfriend, sister and her boyfriend. First off we'll need quite some money to get there, it's about a 100€ (EUR) from each couple
to the trips there and back. Then, my boyfriend is an absolutist and my family likes to spend the New Year drinking... :'D They never get violent though, which is something I hope
for my boyfriend to be able to realize. ^^' They'll just want to sign a bit next to the note and hug a lot. x'D

2) An epilator! XD I like to keep my body smooth and shaved pretty much all over, this including arms all the way too! It's frustrating to shave all everything every
other day... xD ("JustPerfectionistThings"? lol)

3) Needles for my sewing machine! ;-; I just got a ton of fabrics and I'm itching to make shirts, dresses and skirts and maybe even some decorative things! ;-; ♥
I will probably be able to buy some myself next week but it's definitely on my wish list 'til then!

4) Silicone molds 83 I've collected a "few" silicone ice tray molds myself to make tester soaps into. x3

5) Socks, leggings' and stockings! Never can one have enough of those! :D

6) Pretty much anything from my Etsy favorites -- they also work as my notes and future shopping lists. :3
You can find 'em here: https://www.etsy.com/people/MrsGunsoul/favorites
I update them literally all the time, add things to the folders and make new folders to stay accurate about the things I like and wanna/am going to get.

7) Good food and candy canes for Xmas! o3o

8) As an artist I can always appreciate art! So art it is, either of myself or both me and my darling ♥
Info design-wise stored in Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/b6rsca0l.....cXsx6oEXa?dl=0

9) Support for everyone in whatever they love doing, let it be drawing, painting, soaping, crafting, anything! Share that Christmas spirit!

10) That you did not die whilst reading this list. I know I like to write detailed XD Sorrynotsorry♥

If anyone needs it, I can provide an address to ship things to. Just ask. :D

---

Other Lists I've Found:
*installing detection software 100%*
*starting listing...*


And they're working great ♥ Just how I expected them to ♥

Mandarin-Cinnamon and Vanilla-Peppermint ♥

Okay I failed the first Mandarin-Cinnamon 'cause I put too much aloe in it so it didn't stay hard even in room temperature.
And there, my friends, is an important note: Aloe butter does not stay hard in room temperature. It goes almost fully liquid.
But after adding more hard butter into the mix it stays hard in it's tube! c: ♥

Mandarin-Cinnamon is moisturizing and plumping my lips all pretty like intended ♥ And it smells greatly warm and fruity, too!
Vanilla-Peppermint is a great moisturizer as well and it stays on your lips longer, and also gives a cool tingling sensation on your lips (like peppermint things often do) :D

I can't wait for my tester tubes to arrive! ;-; I wanna make more lip balms and share them with everyone!
*dies happily covered in lip balm*


I just always manage to get myself into situations where I just simply can't choose one option... xD

So yeah. Lip balms! My hubby is being a darling and getting me a late Bday gift/early Xmas present and paying for
my order of some butters, oils and flavor oils ♥

Now the next thing I need to get money for are the containers... But goddammit it's hard to decide which ones! XD
I'll show you my options and describe them!

1. Colorful, semi-transparent plastic lip balm sample jars, 3 g/0.10 oz
+ Handy for testers!
+ Perfect for letting people try my balms out; If it wasn't good enough, there was less lost.
+ Adorable colors and shape.
+ These are the cutest things on Earth.
+ They also come in bigger size(s), which would be handy for recognizing the product again.
- They may be too small for some people to use and may get lost more easily.

2. Black plastic lip balm tubes, 4.25 g/0.15 oz
+ Stylish black, would look cool with some colorful labels.
+ Cheapest of my three options, which would fit the purpose of "just getting started".
+ Your usual lip balm tubes, which would bring comfort and ease in use.
+ I could see myself using black tubes in future, too. I feel personally attached to black-n-colorful stuff. :D
- Black may be too "intimidating" or not as appealing as purer colors.

3. Colorful plastic lip balm tubes, 4.25 g/0.15 oz
+ 10 different colors in the caps + basic white!
+ The colors would make the products' different flavors easy to tell apart.
+ Your usual lip balm tubes, which would bring comfort and ease in use.
+ Who doesn't love cheerful colors?
- May blend in/"lack originality", means they're not as memorable.


HALP! KELP! MULP! I don't know what to choose. TwT They all have their pros and cons! Ahhhh!
*rolls into a corner*


It's been decided.

After my job training ends I'm registering myself a trade name, aka opening a business.
Lip balm, shampoo, conditioner, soap, candles, lotions and creams for different purposes.

I haven't exactly done any products yet but I've been studying different ingredients and their effects
on the human body, along with planning recipes (and variations, 'cause allergies suck!) and doing calculations.
Well planned is half done, right? :P

That aside, I can't decide on a name. Sure, I got more than four more months to think about it, but
I feel like it would be best to settle for a couple of options already so I can have a more firm feeling
about it in my hands. You know, to make it appear a more solid destination.

My hun said that it has to be something that stands out and is easy to remember, and I agree.
I just don't want anything that sounds weird, is too long or could be too easily confused with
something else -- or is too common sounding.

So, how do I proceed with this? Any ideas?

I'm thinking of maybe making a contest or something later on, when picking the name is getting
more important and if I can't come up with anything by myself.
I'm also willing to reward the best tips and ideas that help me pick/create the perfect name,
with some pretty customized products, if I get something extremely helpful. c;
*cough cough* xD


I just have to rant a little. Feel free to pass it if you're not on the mood, or join me and rant some too.


I had a friend and an ex-friend of mine visiting about almost two weeks ago.
"Ex-friend" as in "I don't wanna keep contact with you anymore". He apparently didn't remember I'd told him that I don't
wanna see him or hear of him anymore, though now it feels more like he refused to remember.

Anyway. A couple of days after their visit I sent him a reminder email. What he replied seemed like he accepted it --
-- though in real life I think he did not.

He called my boyfriend's MOTHER today. His MOTHER. HIS. Not even mine.
Just after I had sent him the email.
And why? I have no fucking idea. But I do know what he told her, and more than half of it was absolute bullshit.
There were some things that were true too though, for example that one time I had to have an abort 'cause I accidentally
got pregnant and even though that's not a national secret there was a good reason why we hadn't told her about it.
Besides, it was about two years ago so who gives a fuck anymore?? x.x
The rest was meaningless shit about that my boyfriend would've kept me from seeing my friends, would've forced me
to stay home with him, would've threatened to kill me if I woke his mom up (wtf???), that I would've posted something
concerning to Facebook (he doesn't even use Facebook.......) and that my boyfriend would've also "fled/ran away from
him"... And other things!

This all just so much whattheabsoletehell to me. Where do these people come from???
After I'll get a hold of him (I've called him several times today, like maybe closer to 50 if not even over!) and explained
some things along some more things, if he'll ever contact me, my boyfriend or my boyfriend's family again, I'll get a
restraining order. My family wasn't mentioned 'cause they get along with him and he's visited just my family several
times too, so it's up to them if they wanna stay in touch with him after I'll update them about all of this.

Glsdnfksnflkamdlamsd. ARGH. Nothing stays too good forever, there always has to be something to shuffle the cards.
Fecking annoying.

So, anyone else had a similar experience to this? Or anything else to rant about? Rant away.

Things are extremely messed up around here.
Some of your probs have read the few vent journals I've made about my relationship.

What does it mean when the one you love and who loves you too tells you that "my heart wants to be with you but I won't let it"?

Like... I've probably never been this confused.
Does it mean that there's still hope, if both of us really put our hearts into it and work things out?
Or does it mean that I've/we've messed up so badly that it'll never be again?

I have no idea. I even googled it and that's pretty desperate already.
I just... AGH. I don't know.
I hate not knowing.
I hate feeling this way.

If anyone has any sort of experience with anything like this, please feel free to drop a comment or a note or add me on my Skype "Glue_so-called_Waston".
I can talk to only one of my best three friends about this (my beloved excluded of course) and she's never experienced anything like these things so she can only listen...

I'm breaking apart here.
And I'm starting work on Monday. I'm terrified of failing at another job because of depression.

Sorry if the text makes no sense 'cause it's so short (for once).

I'm going to this one second hand shop to get a trainee's place from there later today, which means that I will
have money in about a month or so to finally refund all the people in my current commission list. Which is
definitely a yay! So looking forward to it~

Though I don't really wanna wait for that long to start paying them off... It's been long enough as is. :/

So I was thinking about making some adoptables from scratch, or possibly YCH's too, that would be paid after
completion. Possibly even pr0n 'cause, well, that's what usually gets noticed instantly. And I've been wanting to
try my hands at that anyway. Tho I gotta think about that still.

But yeah. Which would you prefer to see? Even if you weren't interested in buying anything, which pleases your
eyes more?

---

My friend needs help ASAP!
If you got some bucks to spare in exchange for some cool and fast delivered art, CLICK HERE!

I'm turning 21! Like, holy hell D:
There will be nothing I can't do anymore, and the only thing I couldn't have done this far is to buy stronger alcohol drinks from the most common liquor stores here!
And I don't even drink alcohol so whoppidoo for that XD

I feel kinda old, considering that humans live an average of 80 years.... ,_, 1/4th of my life is already gone!!

Maybe I'll just buy myself some wrinkle cream for the date and act happy..? xD

*feels old in a corner with a pile of wrinkle cream containers*

I just earlier today held the graphics tablet's pen in my hand in what feels like forever.
And in that one brief moment that my fingers took to adjust to their places on it's smooth appearance everything seemed just so much clearer than in ages.
Like, seriously, it was pretty amazing in a way. Haven't felt that calm in a long, long time.

I even tried to draw a little. The bunny sketch I left myself at the last time I drew something.
But I couldn't go on with it, not yet...

But I wanna try to see if I could sketch something really quick up tomorrow when my beloved's at work and after I've come home from a possible job interview (which everyone needs to hold their thumbs up for so I can clear all the mess I've caused around here on FA too by being so unstable because of all this relationship fuzz...).

Not promising anything. But I wanna see if my brain and hands are able to co-operate that way on something random.

Drop your refs below, no matter if SFW or not, tho SFW is preferred.
And then one word for possible inspiration. Flower, pancake, sky, melancholy, love, depth. Anything.

Thank you in advance. ♥

A good friend of mine, Sorrow (alias Toni), is in need of money 'cause otherwise he'll spend the next two weeks eating literally nothing.

A dentist's bill messed up his budget for this month and he can't get help from even the local social services here because he
studies and because it wasn't a public/general dentist he had to see. Which sucks. He has problems enough as is. :/

BUT! He draws, and pretty well too!
So I talked to him and he's opened for commissions!

Since he doesn't have FA or dA or anything and is new to commission stuff, I'll be helping him and working as a messenger between you.
He doesn't really have any limitation as to what he won't draw, but let's keep the stuff clean (no pr0nz), okay? :'3

>> CLICK HERE for examples! <<

Pricing?? Payment method??
This is sorta PWYW but considering that he finishes one piece in 2-5 hours generally (see examples in DropBox folder above)
which is pretty fast I'd say it would be fair to offer something like 10-15€ ($13-20) at least, and of course more if you want more
than one character in it.
Payment happens via PayPal, you'll receive his PayPal address once he's accepted your commission, and payment is only AFTER
the piece is finished! :)

Please, do consider helping him out!

Ask if you got anything in mind! And feel free to spread the word!

Things are really a mess here at the moment.
To the point where I was seriously considering the pros and cons of just offing myself a few-ish days ago.

I'm sorry for not replying to notes (thank goodness I've only received one) nor being active any other way.

I'm just... Waiting for things to clear up here a little. Though even that little is gonna take a good while.
I'll get back to all of ya once I've found the strength to think about other things than life itself.

I am sure I will not trust another person in love related things in a fucking long time.

You remember when I wrote my last journal, yesterday?
The one where I kept going on about how I felt just absolutely fucking STUPID for feeling jealous of my beloved seeing this acquaintance of his after work 'cause there was no reason for me to feel that way 'cause I could trust in what he'd told me?

Well. That was absolutely bullshit.
No, he didn't mean to hurt me, break me or break my trust.
He says he didn't have control over the situation, that it "just happened" -- and I believe him. I know how crap it feels like when it happens, it has happened to me in the past.
But he did anyway.

I have never been this broken nor confused.
We talked later last night. He feels like crap, is extremely sorry for it happened, and says that he regrets it to the point that he's gonna pretend it never happened. Well, we'll see about the last one. If he really cares as much as he says, of me and one of his best past friends, he's not gonna see the bitch anymore. But yeah, we'll see.

And the confused feeling emerges from the fact that he still wants a chance with me. In the future. But I'll just have to really let him go for some time, quite some time from what I understood I think... I have no idea. He was talking about months if I remember correct, but I still have no idea.
But what I do know is that if he really wants another chance with me, well, he's got time on his side 'cause I'm not gonna leave this apartment 'til he's got a permanent job and I'm trying to get a job for myself in the meantime, before his current one ends and he's thankful of that. But he'll also have to move mountains in order to get another chance.

I'm just... Really heartbroken at the moment.
And I've made my decision about the commission I owe; I'm dropping them all this instance, I'm gonna send notes to people and pay them back the second I can.
I just can't do this anymore.

But the irony really here is that I had just been able to trust him fully again, I had worked tons in order to get this to work as soon as possible again... Because I thought that there was still a chance for us...
And then it's all just... Gone.
How much more betrayed can a person feel?
How much more can a person take?

It's like.

My beloved is gonna see an acquaintance of his today after work.
(We're still not officially together after the break-up, even though we act like a couple most of the time still and we've talked and had arguments which all have proved that he really wants this to work and is working on it, and he's also told me that he wants to be with me. Just some BG info.)

He came home yesterday and straight off told me that he's gonna come later home tomorrow 'cause he's gonna see this girl. Okay, sure no biggie. He said he's gonna hang out with her for a couple of hours and thinks he'll be home by seven. Yeah sure, good you're not gonna spend the rest of the evening/night there.
He was in this panic/comic rage/comic frustration "mode"/"mood" and explained all the reasons why he did not wanna go and he didn't even know why he agreed to meet this girl. One major one of them was that the girl was just left by one of his friends and he was sure that this friend of his wouldn't like it if he found out.

So ehhhh.....
I know there's no reason to be jealous about something like that.

It's like....
I feel stupid for being jealous.
It kinda feels nice when he asked me if I'm jealous 'cause he tends to think that small jealousy is cute.
But it still makes me feel so fucking stupid and over-attached, I wanna cry.
And I don't even know why.
But I know I have no reason to be jealous 'cause of various reasons.

It's frustrating.
I hate being so jealous over almost every single one he meets or talks to.
But I also know it's only because we're not in an official relationship. It makes me so fucking unsure.

I want to change that in myself... But I have no idea how to.
It's so annoying. ;n;

Anyone ever feel/felt the same way?
Please tell me I'm not the only one. ;n;

Warning: Possible cursing ahead.

Scroll down for TL;DR.

---

As the title says, I feel like my depression's hitting in again.
I know the cause, just not how to handle it. And I hate it.

There's a lot on my mind right now, has been increasingly for a few months now (at least). Relationship stuff,
getting a job ASAP, thus money issues, art and commissioners... It might not sound like much but it's tearing
me apart.
Hell, even keeping the house clean (which I normally enjoy rather much) or rebooting my laptop when my
tablet's pressure sensitivity is off feels like the biggest burden and hardest thing to do. I have absolutely no
motivation at all, for anything.
Even when my beloved has asked me a few times in the last few days if I'm okay I've just told him that "Yeah,
no problem" because I know what I would say would just annoy him. As always (but that's just how he is).


As for how this touches any of you and my art...

I've put a lot of thought into it for the past couple of days, and... I'm seriously thinking of dropping all or
most of the commissions I have and refunding everyone.
Though that will have to wait until I get money from somewhere, by either getting another job or even social
care (or what the hell ever one calls it again)... Or something. I'll figure it out, I have a couple of appointments
which I hope to help me with at least money troubles... And maybe, just maybe, when I get the money trouble
out of my way the relationship stuff will clear itself off as well and then I can get my mood back to draw/art...


And since I'm always capable of seeing something positive in every situation... At least I can confidently say
that I'm one of those people who recognize when it's really hitting in and know to react to it.
Not much to find pleasure in, but hey, it's something. I suppose...

Anywho. I'm taking a few days to myself... Again.
I'm sorry for being such a shitty person atm to have given your money to, not to mention deadlines and
dealing with.

---

TL;DR: My depression is hitting in, I can't do really anything at the moment. I'm thinking of dropping all my
commissions and refunding the commissioners. Relationship trouble, should get a job ASAP, thanks to all that
I can't bring myself to draw anything after the bunny I sketched.