This is mostly just a place holder journal (as if anyone were interested in reading my journals anyway -- not complaining, just saying because I certainly wouldn't read my journals either) to displace the previous journal entry that was up as I have just realized that journal is momentarily not really true, so it shouldn't be left up as if it were still active. I still technically am looking for artists to do paid work for those roles as specified in said journal, but at the moment and for the nearer-term foreseeable future I am lacking the emotional fortitude, good will, and blind hope necessary to even try to start the commissioning process again.

I only noticed the issue yesterday when I found out that  AlabasterLion was open for formal commissions again. Alabaster, has been nothing but great to me, I highly recommend commissioning him if you have the idea and the money ready (better hurry, he is popular), and I have been waiting almost two years with abated breath for him to open up for formal commissions again. So when I found out yesterday that he is open for formal commission I practically jumped for joy and started mobilizing to get in on the action before this opportunity disappears. But then, even though Al has only ever been 100% wonderful to me, as I was readying things: typing up the intro email, notes/instructions, readying the funds, I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of depression, exasperation, frustration, dread, and fatigue all very clearly associated with the act of thinking about commissioning. I ended up laying down waiting for this to pass and ended up sleeping for 16 hours in a restless unsatisfying sleep. Now that I am awake again, and still feeling slightly lousy, I conclude that I may have been Pavlovianly conditioned by numerous other artists to have a strong negative response to anything associated with commissions. As such I can't really proceed with any commissions at the moment, not even with wonderful artists like Alabaster whom I have been actively waiting to commission again, until I can get over this instilled funk. And thus I need to displace the previous journal about seeking artists for commissions until it is possible for me to go through with it again.

If you or some artist you know is looking to pick up some commission work and would be interested in projects like the following, please let me know. Use either FA note or my email: cischiral[at]yahoo.com to contact me about any of them.

Project 1 (highest current need and interest on my part). I am desperately seeking someone(s) who would do a detailed fairly BIG colored background devoid of any characters. I am looking for a nice detailed exterior of a Japanese school (or at least what invokes the concept of one in the minds of me and others if not a real representation thereof). You know these type of things: 1, 2, 3, etc... but obviously not an existing copyrighted image – something new. I plan to be using it in a project and will be cropping, cutting and reusing lots of bits of it. As such, while I would accept just a nice big .jpg, .png, etc... as a final result a .psd file especially with closer objects (like trees and such) on their own layers would be SUPER-EXTRA-AWESOME-DOUBLE-PLUS-GOOD.

Project 2 (ongoing middling priority) I am racking up sketches I like, but like everyone on planet earth I do so hate inking sketches. Depending on a willing artist's going rates, commissioning them to ink some existing sketches would be very appealing to me. As well as your prices please link me to a before-and-after example of a sketch you have inked (the sketch doesn't have to have been someone else's, your own is fine, I just need to get a sense of your inking ability.)

Project 3 (low priority, mostly complete). I have been collecting seifuku wearing schoolgirls transforming into much larger and fuller figured vixens. I largely consider this collection complete at this point, but if you or an artist you know are interested in doing a full-color one (for money obviously, I am not looking for freebies) the send me a note to link me to a sample of your work (like an FA gallery among other options) and a link to your prices so I can figure out if I *NEED* one more because your artz are so just so good (so long as I can still afford them obviously). These are obviously related to "Project 1" listed above and I will be cutting, manipulating, and pasting them together in various ways to amuse myself with results posted probably here on FA.

I notice a number of the more watchery/commissiony types (like myself) actually keep track of the open commissions they are owed publicly on their FA page somewhere, either in Journal posts or even in their "Profile Information" front and center on their page. What a great idea! I should have been doing that for years and years now – but better late than never. So without further ado:

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  MirandaLeigh a.k.a. Smoking Pen a.k.a. Mirelle

$12,572.59 Slowly accumulated over the better part of a decade as detailed here for a total of 125 hours and 20 minutes still unaccounted for streaming hours plus a 5 page colored comic and some purchases of unspecified notion. (The unaccounted for streaming hours in the previous sentence are adjusted down from the total outstanding debt paid for of 153 hours by the 27 hours and 40 minutes that have actually been delivered so far).

... no sign this will ever get done as she no longer returns my emails or will respond to me at all in any way.

... I tipped ≈ $8K over that time too in the hopes it would make me a preferred customer and get some art done ... ooopse :(

As an added bonus this was for a project transferred from a now absolved artist who screwed me on it already. So it looks like I am screwed twice on this project for enough money that it totals what I could have used to put a down-payment on a house or bought a car with... such a terrible and regrettable waste of money on my part ;n;

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Jazzy Cat

$55 on August 28th for a full body shaded color piece of yet another seifuku vixen.
...nothing yet

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  general-irrelevant

$120 on November 23rd, 2018 for a fancy full colored follow-up to the foxy secretary TF thingy.
CURRENTLY ON ME!!! GI got me the initial sketch and I said I wanted to twiddle with it before inking and stuff – so it is *I* that needs to get to work and it has been me for quite a while now; GI is on top of everything requested/owed even though this commission is still open and ongoing.

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WONDA! >:V

$75 = $60 on May 1st 2015 + $15 on May 3rd 2015 for a colored 1 page comic about dickstorms.
…sketched out the whole page ... years ago ... hasn't touched it since

$110 = $50 + $60 both on December 31st 2015 an Ultra Woof TF (this was the TF/TG version thereof)
…some doodles ... years ago

$50 on Jan 9th 2016 for a Wondertech “amusing sequence of images or comic
…some doodles ... years ago

$180 = $150 on May 21st 2017 + $30 on July 25th 2017 for a second Ultra Woof TF involving lactation and stuffs (this is a non-tg one, just a tf only version, i.e. F to F).
…nothing yet

… there were a couple of other smaller things but I have agreed to absolve them as they will clearly never get done. I should probably absolve the rest of these because this dork is never going to do any of the rest of these either, but as I have already absolved a few small things I am drawing a line in the sand on the rest of these.

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  Watsup

$2120 (total) for Growing Yena gall related color images/scenes. Breakdown:
= $600 on Jan 18th 2016
+ $200 on July 9th 2016
+ $60 on July 24th 2016
+ $860 on July 28th 2016
+ $400 on August 31st 2016
…nothing yet

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  kabukihomewood

$256 (total) for a color ref-sheet of an OC
= $25 on January 13th, 2018
+ $26 on December 28th, 2017
+ $40 on December 27th, 2017
+ $75 on December 3rd, 2017
+ $25 on December 2nd, 2017
+ $25 on November 18th, 2017
+ $40 on November18th, 2017

CURRENTLY ON ME!!! I asked for the sketches and early inks to twiddle with them before submitting them for final inks, so it is on *ME* to get something back to Kabuki to continue the process.

I should probably just absolve this one as I am not really interested in having a fursona – this whole process was kicked off by other artists who want me to have one – I am guessing so they can try to milk more money out of me and get out of doing what I actually commissioned them for by throwing random cheep sketches at me of an OC I don’t even really want at this point in time. Additionally the random continuing charges on this particular commission are getting really obnoxious – every time I think I have paid for this thing in full I get a new charge – sometimes even twice on the same stream (see November 18th, 2017). Its not so much that the total is getting too high, though it is starting to spiral upwards, its that I have no idea what I have paid for, what I still need to pay for, and how long this will keep happening which makes it very confusing, frustrating, and hard to budget. We are still only in the sketching and early inking phase, and there already have been 7 separate charges. How many more times will I get charged before it is fully finished in color? I like paying one lump some instead of being pecked to death by geese randomly.

I probably will end up absolving this particular commission eventually as I have more or less decided I don’t really want anything to do with this, but I haven’t actually pulled the trigger on that yet nor can I bring myself to so far.

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The Absolved

If you don’t appear on this list but we had an open commission, then you have been absolved and I no longer consider anything owed from you. I have done this for all sorts of reasons. In some cases it is because I would rather remain friends with the artists but it is clear I might have to jeopardize that to actually force the commission to get done and said artist's friendship is more valuable to me than a silly little commission. In other cases its because I consider the artist such an obnoxious deadbeat that it would just be too hard and painful for me to get said artist to finish anything and so relative to what money I have lost my best option is to just not have to deal with this person any more. Whichever the reason a given artist has been absolved, those absolved have basically taught me the hard way to never commission them again for anything ever.

An issue I keep running into is that of the free sketch. In very good faith and with the best of intentions artists have offered me these time and time again. I do fully appreciate the offer, it is one of the most personal and kindest gifts artists can afford to give without offering some considerably larger or more elaborate increment(s) of art. Meanwhile anything more involved than a sketch would be unreasonable for them to offer for free as more involved arts cut much more heavily into their time, energy, and creative efforts all of which are their most precious resources and fundamental life blood. An artist offering anything more than a sketch for free would often be equivalent to an artist offering up one of their meals for the month or part of their rent check – many of them literally cannot afford such self-sacrificial leaps of generosity. I well and totally appreciate all this so I would never expect an artist to offer anything more than a free sketch, but at the same time that does not make me want a free sketch. Often I don’t need anything, just give me your gratitude with words if you must give anything at all, Often I don’t want your free sketch even though I fully appreciate what a generous personal offer this is.

I am aware this makes me an asshole – to refuse people’s heartfelt gifts on any grounds is a fundamentally asshole thing to do. It is true, and I accept this, I am an asshole for this reason as well as probably a number of others. That said below is why I may not want your free sketch in the off chance that anyone has read this far and still cares.

I have spent a tremendous amount on art in the furry community. Though it does not show, I have been spending on artists in the community since the 90s and to date have spent well into the five digits, it may even be more than half-way to six digits by now. For me to want art, no matter how little or how much it may cost (including zero), I need to have some sort of emotional and personal investment in it. This usually means said art needs to be connected to larger projects that I have personally invested in the vision for with time, effort, and emotion.

If an artist tells me “I am open please commission me” then before I can ask anything of them I need to seriously sit down, some times for rather significant stretches of time, work furiously on building the vision for a project, fuss with it, and obsess over it until I am emotionally attached to and personally invested in it enough that I actually want it to be brought to life by an artist. If I don’t do this whole stupid ritual as dumb as it is, then I don’t want the art, I don’t care how good or cheap it is. If I haven't done this I don’t care if it is free, I still don’t want it. If I haven’t invested myself properly into the vision behind a project that warrants your art, then your art is as desirable to me as the fliers that solicitors hound out on the street when you are just trying to mind your own business walking about town. Some people might like those, I guess its possible, but usually I work to try and avoid the solicitors and their fliers, and if I fail then I am usually looking for the first recycle bin or garbage can I can find.

Thus my issue with free sketches. For any piece of art however large or small I need to get myself personally and emotionally invested to care. While fletching out the structure and especially the details of larger projects obviously takes more time than for smaller projects, the whole stupid ritual I unfortunately need to do to get personally emotionally involved is about the same regardless of the size of the project. Thus the time, effort, energy, and emotional expenditure I need to muster is about the same to care about a sketch as some epic full-color comic. The joy I get from a single sketch, however, is considerably less. A single self-contained sketch thus is actually a net drain on me – I am left more exhausted than I will ever derive any interest or joy from that sketch. The sketch actually net emotionally costs me and is thus more of a burden than a gift. Its like giving someone an exotic pet they didn’t want or ask for; it may have been heartfelt, hard to obtain, even expensive, but if the receiver didn’t want or ask for it and it is high maintenance than there is a good chance it is not a gift but a burden.

“Why don’t you do the work now to create a project that can be composed out of many sketches so you can appreciate them when they are offered?”

This is a fantastic idea and I have been trying to work on that for some time now. As of this writing I have one open project to that effect that warrants about one sketch from any artist. As a result, if you have not already provided me with a sketch (free or paid) for this project you will find I am probably pretty enthusiastic to get a sketch from you (and more then happy to pay for one – doesn't need to be free) to integrate it into this project. After that sketch though, you will find that until I can come up with another sketch-consolidating project I have no interest in another sketch from you – I may have begged you for the first sketch and paid handsomely for it, but then refused a second one that you openly offered for free. The project in question really only warrants one sketch contribution per artist now.

I am trying to create more such projects to create a capacity for me to accept more sketches – free or otherwise. The problem is that it is hard to create a reasonable project that I can care about that accepts sketches from random artists with vastly different styles, each providing a random and ever changing % contribution to the whole. That is a tall ask though I have reflected on it for some time, but am no closer to coming up with something satisfactory. Maybe I’ll have a good solution someday but it is not a simple problem to resolve in a way that is interesting and acceptable to me.

What is a conceptually simple solution is to create an accordion project (i.e. expandable/flexible to scale to the need/availability of contributions) that accepts sketches for each artist individually – i.e. one such project for each artist for that artist alone. That is very doable on an individual basis, but I still need to invest heavily to originate each one, so it is only meaningful to do so for individual artists that I generally expect to get a lot of sketches from. This of course diminishes the utility of sketch projects because there are relatively few singular artists that I expect I might get a bunch of sketches from over time, generally the need is to create something that can catch all sorts of sudden free sketch gifts from completely randomized sources (vide supra see two paragraphs above this one for my thoughts and work on that).

A secondary problem here is that currently all the admittedly few artists I have worked to create an individualized accordion projects as catch-alls for their sketches have then fucked me on it. In 100% of these cases sketches were freely available and often offered freely with the hope I would take them so I felt a dire need for creating such a project for said artists each individually. Then the second I got it all set up and got one or two sketches into being fully invested in it they would either disappear from existence completely or for whatever reason they suddenly became no longer available to take sketch commissions on a topic of my choice no matter how much I was willing to pay them for each sketch (including in one case an open offer of $135 for a 45 min roughed sketch – no inking or color. That is $180 an hour for sketch work. Even if I am a completely insufferable asshole surely you can do 45 mins of work at $180 an hour once a year or something, but apparently that is suddenly too much to ask once you finally got me sold on your $25 sketches that you had no complaints about doing until I became more interested in them.)

Needless to say nothing makes me reluctant to try something again like being burned so badly in something I am emotionally and financially invested into. So while it is totally those artists rights to lure me in and then fuck me like that, it has drained me deeply of my willingness to try and make such sketch-accomidating accordian projects again with other artists. Heck such burns are so bad it even drains my ability to invest myself in any other projects at all ever. Every time I get burned like that it gets harder to want or invest myself in any project of any type of artist about anything. Two decades ago before I became a regular target for artists screwing me I was young and idealistic and energetic enough that I could accept free sketches as it was so easy to invest myself in them and thus want them. Now at the rate screwings have been regularly proceeding in another decade or so I might not want any art at all, even if it were photorealist, full color and free because I just won't be able to invest myself or care at all any more – just to much associated pain and so much drain on all my good will and personal emotional investment for me to be able to take it any more.