It's been nearly a year since my last post/journal on FA.

I don't draw like I used to, the process is hard for me these days but I would like to get back into it. I don't think my art would be any good but that was never the point of drawing for me lol

My baby is nearly one! I'm very proud to say that they are a pretty happy and bouncy little one. They enjoy causing mayhem and chewing remotes and biting me even tho they don't have teeth. ;3; <3

I'm pretty much married now to the baby's father, so that's something. Still feels odd to say that lol um yea weird


All in all, not a bad year. We'll see where it takes us.

Easy, easy Clavuc.
Down the road, sad and always willing.
Loyal dog for only the barest scraps of affection.
Easy, easy Clavuc.
A chill hang, a cheap fuck.
No commitment, no love.
Easy, easy Clavuc.
Heart to starved, head to dumb.
A stupid stupid dog.




I guess tonight's events hurt a little more than I thought in the begining. Sorry.

My dad took the dogs out to the park across town.
He came home and said your dog is gone, I don't know where she went.

It's been over 24 hours and no sign of her. I've done all I can to find her. I pray she's okay and she'll be found. But in my deepest depths I hope that if in the worst case that she's gone, that it happened faster than she realized.

Fuck.

So it's been about 5 months since my last shouting. And things are doing okay right now, actually.

- I've bought a new car at a much more reasonable monthly payment. I am very proud of myself for being able to do this in such a short amount of time.

- I have been trying to make new friends to combat the crushing loneliness and that's been going okay. Still no romance but I think that's not going to be for me in the long run anyways lol

- Work is okay-ish. I am currently seeking a raise or failing that, a new job else where. We will see where that goes.

- I have gone down 2 pant sizes. And that's just a little strange for me since I've always just been plus size.



But all in all not too bad.

Whelp, some stuff has happened.


1. The company I work for transfered me back to my original store. Not really what I wanted but that's alight, because no one in my town is hiring. The woes of living in a small town.

And 2. My dad has lost his job. So now I have to give up my car so I can afford the bills on my own. I am going to walking to work and back home for the foreseeable future.



Please don't take this as a warning or something like that but I don't see the point in participating in life anymore. But without a vehicle to actually escape in and go places, I am trapped. Trapped at the house, trapped at work, trapped in this fucking life that's starting to just mean less and less.
I am not going to do anything. My dog needs me still and I'm kinda just clinging to that right now.


I think this journal is kinda incoherent and all over the place. I really just needed to vent.

Unemployed and feeling okay-ish!


Stopped working Sunday, informed company that I would not be returning on Wednesday.
(They said i needed to take a week off and come back with a better attitude -vomit- )
So im just chilling now while I have a little savings to tide me over while looking for new job.

I have been invited to a first round interview at some company (doubtful for this one), and a possible (this one seems more my speed) interview at another place.
I will continue to look for other things if these 2 both fall through tho. Clavuc needs their money money money.



That job broke me.
Not completely but damn near.
I will be, and I am better off now.

I'm quitting my job today.

I've asked for a transfer but I'm pretty sure I am going to be denied. So quitting is my last option.

Two years. I have given up two years, my romantic relationship, and strained my ties between myself and my family and friends. And my mental/physical health are in tatters.

I am tired and I have tried.

I am done.

Well now, it's been a hot second since I last shouted, and your dear ole clavuc is in (as always) an emotional pickle.

4 rejections in as many months. I have concluded the problem is me, and I really just need to work on myself before attempting anything close to looking for a new partner.



Work still sucks, nothing new there. I have informed upper management that this coming year that they would need to start looking for a replacement for my position. I'm wore out and do not know how much longer I can maintain my work ethic or mental capacity.



Now I was sad and full of burning white hot rage. But I'm okay right now, right this moment.

It'll last however long it lasts and I'll make do. <3

Farigiraf and Grafaiai

Pokemon with hoods....
I think I'm in love??




Can someone say new scrafty fusion?



My addiction is still strong >,,3,,> lmao

Whelp, your clavuc done got their tits pierced lmao
It didn't hurt near as bad as I thought but tomorrow might be a different story.



Hahaha, I'm kinda dumb honestly.
I've been thinking that maybe the reason I decided to do this is cuz I got dumped? Sorta got rejected by one or two other people since the dumping thing.

....so I think it was cuz I have been feeling unattractive. And this has been a way to make myself feel more appealing. But no one will see these bad guys for like 5 months sooooo maybe I'm just dumb.


I don't know, lmao

Life is okay.


I got dumped, well, more like ghosted after 3 years so that was a bummer. But it's been a few months now so yea, lol


Work sucks balls. Not enough time not enough money, honestly. Pretty much working non stop again with no days off. I've had a couple breakdowns this year alone and probably looking at another one soon. It's nice that I can kinda plan around them now


Life is okay.

Hey there, thought I would post some random feelings here to just get them out. I know no one reads these?? And if you do I'm sorry lmao


So I have a job, right? I like working, I enjoy having something to do everyday. I also have severe depression and anxiety. And the two like to clash together a lot.

Capitalism is a problem and I understand that whole hearty but I got bills to pay, yea? And I like having nice-ish things? Clavuc need money.


I like the job. But I hate my coworkers. I hate the customers. And it makes me want to put the bare fucking minimum into my work just like said coworkers. I can not though, because I'm the manger. And I get embarrassed when work isn't done properly or timely. So I struggle with keeping up a lot of days and it's so frustrating.

I get mad and cry a lot. Because I'm juggling everyone's work including mine, but yea fuck mangers who cares about them right? Cuz that's really the only answer I get when I ask for help.


I bring my concerns and problems up with my store director, my distract department manger and get told you're having a mental breakdown (which I am) and begged not to quit. But 60 hours a week, and one day off every two weeks is hard.

Btw, I went to a couple job interviews because I want to quit but I'm fat, right? I've been told twice that they believed I wouldn't be able to keep up with the work environment. Lmao, I only cried a little.

I'm slowly losing my mind. I've developed an eating disorder and I'm idolizing suicide again for the first time in 4 years. I don't know what else to do other than to just shut down and give myself completely to this job that doesn't care for me because it's been made painfully clear that it's the only one I can get.

At least my dogs like me.

I gotta tell ya... I like the game! The running around and catching is a lot of fun in a way that I never connected to in Pokemon go Pikachu/Eevee. And I like the rpg-ness to it too lol


I also caught three shines in the span of 30 mins so I guess that's something too?? Zubat and two wumples lmao

Tore a ligament in my knee a couple weeks ago and finally got it checked out yesterday. It's very minor but I have to off work until Monday.



It's a blessing and a curse lmao

So I made manger at my company for another store about 20 mins from where I live and my current store.

I'm nervous about it honestly.
I know I can do the work, and it's going to take a lot of work, but perhaps it's good for me. Or at least having that experience will pay off down the road for another job/career.



Btw this is a deli/bakery gig within a grocery store. And I've heard horror stories about this place.
Sadly for them I am an angry fucker, who will not let my job suffer because of others no matter what. ADHD, and mood swings tend to push a dude hard lmao

Soooooooooooooo I got dumped about a month or so ago. I saw it coming but still bummed me out.

Life is full of bumps, huh?
Maybe I'll find another partner? Maybe not? Who knows? Not me lmao

After 14 days of quarantine, and 3 days of no symptoms I have tested positive again for the coronavirus.
Doctors told me it could be up to 3 months before I can test negative.
I can not return to work until I have that negative.



I am pretty bummed. And just files for unemployment cuz I got like 200 dollars to my name. Lol, days are rough

Guess who's sick with the covid?

It's me -ya boi- clavuc!

I'm really sleepy and my nose hurts. I am very fortunate so far to not have any serious symptoms, yay!

The boyfriend's foreskin was full of soap...
My mouth tingles


I'm still in love

I need a little extra cash flow this month and I wanted to do some pokemon adopts!

I have a few scraftys (theyre my fav!!!) already sketched out and was wondering if anyone wanted to see something specific? As in a certain pokemon, some fusions, or just any typing in general.


If you're not into pokemon and/or adopts, please let me know what you would like to see! I'm pretty much open to ideas right now <3

Today I started an online school course to become a vet assistant coupled with office manger training through the same school.
I'm excited guys, and really nervous too lol

But I feel proud of myself tho. Weird feeling but good i guess

Cuz I'll have a little spare money this week's paycheck! Please let me know <3

Been at the apartment for about a week now, but I've barely been able to enjoy it cuz of work lol Grocery stores are being hit hard since the virus began. But we've finally got a temporary raise to soften the blow so I'm happy about that and my bank accounts even happier.

Boyfriend stops breathing in his sleep and it freaks me out. I wanna shake him and make him roll over. But I do it too and it doesn't help at all to be woken up, you just get grumpy.

Hopefully once I get internet at my place I can start drawing again on my days off. I'm looking forward to that, maybe make an adoptable?? Cuz I want animal crossing pls lol or a new drawing tablet but we'll see if I can save money up or not