Damn you Pokemon GO and your finicky system!!! Grrr!

So, the gym in the Chik-fil-A up the hill got reset this morning. I noticed that it was currently being run by a wimpy low-level Weedle. Which was quickly replaced by a slightly stronger Pidgeotto. I have a Raticate that I knew could totally stomp it, so I asked my manager if I could take a quick break and I marched up the hill to do battle.

Easily defeated the stupid bird and replaced it with my Raticate. Caught a Zubat in front of the store for good measure and then strolled back in like a champion. When I made it back in to the back room and checked in on things again...not only is there NO record of me beating the gym or any evidence of my Raticate. There's now a Bellsprout half the CP level holding down the fort. WTF!

I'm on my way to having a Scrooge McDuck style vault of Pokeballs by the end of the day (or at least till my phone battery gives out XD). There's a Poke Stop in the shopping center where I work and you can hit up that bitch every 5 minutes.

Also the Chik-fil-A across from my store is a gym. Sitting at lvl 3...I've just been going to the window and glaring across the parking lot while muttering "soon" under my breath. I see you blue gym...and ima make you yellow someday soon. Mark my words.

The weather is heating up and with the first pallet of backpacks comes the final toll that summer has officially arrived. With that comes Back to School Season (which, as anyone who has read my journals in the past, know that that is easily the hardest time of the year for me). Things at work have continued to deteriorate and this BTS is setting itself up to be the most trying year yet. We officially have no daytime cashiers. Everyone has quit or moved on to better jobs and the only people we have to replace them have significantly thinned out our work force/customer service. At the moment it is literally just me and one other person in a department that encompasses 3/4 of the store...a department we used to run with 5-6 people, years ago.

To add to the struggle our GM is STILL out on medical leave. He opted not to come back at the beginning of June (like he promised he would) and now he won't be back till the beginning/middle of July. At which point we will be entirely set up for BTS and the sales/busy times will begin. We really needed him here to get summer help hired and trained before we start getting really busy. That won't happen now...

Also, in what seems a more minor note, the manager directly under our GM has quit. And the person filling in for the GM will leave us this Sunday to move on to a new store. SO, for the next 2-3 weeks we'll have yet another temporary GM up in this store, doing their best to hold things together and get any of my coworkers to listen to them. Not to mention that just getting our official GM back won't instantly and effortlessly fix everything. That's the problem...there's still so much work to be done...and I'm SO tired of being one of the only people trying to push this rock up the goddamn hill...

And while all this has been going on, I have continued to apply and try to find work elsewhere. And as has been the case for over 2 years now, all I hear back is...nothing. No phone calls, no interviews, just silence...and hope that is wearing thin...

...

I'm not going to lie... This year, work has pushed me to the absolute limit. Everyone has bad days now and then where they have a deadline to meet or some heavy source of pressure weighing down on them. Since before our store's inventory, back in March, it has been nothing but constant pressure, and worry, and stress just pouring down on me day in and day out... This year marks the first year that I have really and truly considered ending things... And I don't just mean walking out and quitting this dead end job...I mean fucking taking my life and being done with things altogether...

But I won't waste your time with anymore whining though... I'm writing this journal to ask if anyone living/working in or around Richmond VA has any job openings where they work. I'm convinced at this point that the best/only way of getting hired anymore is to KNOW someone who already works where you are applying. So please, if anyone knows of anything or could help me out, I'd be eternally grateful!

I have to get out of this place this year or I'm going to do something desperate. If I have to quit and try taking commissions for a living, so be it. At this point, something just has to give...

As always, thank you to anyone who reads this...

Rolling along working on egg adopts and trades! While doing so I have a play through of Transistor running in the background. If you haven't played the game and intend to, don't click that link [and probably stop reading]. If you have 3 hours to kill though, it's well worth your time to watch/listen!

The game is years old now, but at the time of its release the biggest complaint about it, is its length. And while I agree that the ending comes on rather abruptly...I don't feel that it negatively impacts the game. Transistor is not so much a game as it is a story that you get to play through. It is a short, bittersweet tale of two people who have their lives destroyed by others and have to struggle to try and piece themselves and their world back together. The story unfolds beautifully and the game kind of says what it needs to say and then ends. And while I would have -loved- to have hours more to romp about in Cloudbank, I'm afraid that if the game dragged out just for the sake of play time, that the message and the story would have gotten muddied.

Anyways, I know it might seem weird to throw on a game rather than music while working. However, I find the interaction between Red [the character you play as] and the transistor, to be strangely comforting. The Camarata [aka. The Bad Guys] stole Red's voice, so during the game it's mainly just the transistor talking. And I could listen to that voice read the goddamn phone book. <3 Also the music is dynamite!

Brief summary of why I love this game ~ 24:12 - 26:39 and 47:52 - 1:12:12 <3! oh and 1:43:00 - 1:43:32 [she can't talk, but she can type...] ;(_);

---

Also, on a more serious note, I thought I would update those who regularly follow my journals and let you all know that some of my biggest fears about staying in this house have started to manifest themselves. We had a bad storm last night with lots of heavy rainfall. And it didn't take long at all for that crack in the kitchen ceiling to start leaking [and by leaking I don't just mean dripping. At one point it was coming down in a steady stream like the ceiling was taking a piss... >(_)<]. I've been in touch with our landlord and he's going to get in contact with some roofers next week. The house will probably need a brand new roof. Unfortunately, he said he likely won't be able to get the ceiling in the kitchen fixed until the END of the month... *sigh*

Why does rent in VA have to be so high? I wanted so badly to be done with this fucking place...before the ceiling comes crashing down...

There are already a million posts like this, so I will keep this as brief as possible...

OLD PEOPLE! I don't -want- to hate you. My job has made me dislike you and YOU have further cultured that dislike into something so much stronger. It is -not- my fault you lost the password for an account you set up on a whim on a rainy Tues whilst watching your grandchildren...2 years ago. I understand that everyone forgets things from time to time. If you're worried you won't remember, write that shit down in a safe place! But don't come up in my store and act like I'm personally inconveniencing you by...I don't know, magically making your memory shitty?

For example, say you have a padlock on a shed where you keep some random stuff you hardly ever use. Seriously, you might open that shed like 2 times a year, MAYBE. Is it your right then to go to the hardware store where you bought the lock and YELL at the overworked 20 something like it's THEIR fault you can't remember which key in your house opens that lock???

...

I'm sorry, but I spent a half hour today [on a day where I couldn't spare two minutes] to help an old woman try to reset the password for her rewards account...so she could access a $10 coupon. These coupons are issued in an email and she refused to sift through the mountain of junk mail in her inbox to find the email with said coupon. Which is fine, because if you come in the store [and know your login info] we can print the coupon code for you right there. Except when you can't remember your damn password...
Then we have to jump through all the typical hoops for resetting a password. We had the system email her a link to reset her password. When the email came through, she opened it...but then immediately hit some other icon on the screen that made the email go away. Suddenly she's lamenting the fact that it's now been sent to "Old Mail" because it's been read and she'll never be able to find it. 3 button presses later and we [-I-] found the email again. I handed her back the phone because passwords are personal info and I don't like setting them up for other people lest anything negative come back on myself. I explained that on the screen she was currently looking at it wanted her to type her new password and then tab down to the second line and type the -exact- same word in again to confirm it. After 15 minutes of her failing to do this, she reveals that she misunderstood what I said [somehow] and she thought she was typing her first and second choices for a password??? Like, if the system didn't accept the first one it might take her second choice? I don't even. I can't.
While trying to make this all work, we were standing up at the very front of the store too, which makes me a sitting duck in my uniform that screams, "I'M HERE TO HELP. COME BOTHER ME!!!" And every body and their brother sure did while I was standing there trying to help this woman get her $10. Ultimately, I'll never know how this story ended. I got called away and another of my coworkers went to go stand with her and try to help.

Write your passwords down folks. Save them in your phone, tattoo them on your arms, I don't care. Just don't come after me like it's my fault or imma snap someone's grandma in half. >(_____)<

I'm finding more and more in life that if you're willing to open up and talk with someone, you're bound to find something you have in common. Or, in the case of this manager who's filling in for our GM [and whose daughter draws furry art], we have a great many more things in common than would have initially seemed possible.

It started with a benign comment about him and his daughter going up to PA for a convention. Given the artwork I had just seen from his daughter a few days ago, my ears perk up again and I was like, "Praytell which convention are we speaking of...?" XD Turned out it was a comic con rather than a furry convention. Still, that opened up a whole new realm of conversation.

You may have experienced this yourselves in talking with someone new. Because comic cons are such a varied thing and oft include a heavy sprinkling of anime, there's a huge wealth of games and shows that one could bring up. So, then he and I enter into what I can only describe as a friendly verbal sparring match. He's like, "I was mainly just going to the con because I'm into Gundam and I collect the models." *PUNCH* And I'm like, yeah man, I got you. I've been all about some Gundam since high school! *BLOCK* Then we get on the subject of cosplay and how he still has some clothes laying around for doing civil war re-enacting that he'd like to turn into an Assassin's Creed cosplay. *KICK* And I'm all like, I too like these games. Bring it, what else you got! *PARRY* And then he brings out the big guns talking about having an outfit he's been working on for steampunk cosplay and I'm *KO'ed*

Too much too much! My heart can't take it!

I'm gonna miss this jerk when he's gone in another week or so. ^(_)6

So, funny story. I came in to work this morning with the guy who is currently working as our GM while our main manager is out on medical leave. He had some cut up pieces of paper with him [looked a bit like paper dolls] and he informed me he needed to have them laminated for his daughter. None of this would have raised any eyebrows, as my coworkers bring stuff in all the time that needs some kind of work for their kid's school stuff. However, he went on to explain that they were pieces that she did on commission and that she makes good money doing said commissions. Couldn't help myself...my ears perked up and I came over to take a closer look at what he was laminating.

Badges. FURRY badges. HAH!

All of a sudden I am awash with excited energy. I pulled out my phone and gathered some examples of my work [tame stuff obviously] to show him that I know -exactly- what his daughter is into. However, as the conversation went on, things became a bit more awkward as it suddenly became obvious that he pretty much just knows that she draws and doesn't pay much mind to -what- exactly [hah, sounds like my dad]. Nor was he familiar with the idea of the whole furry thing. I backed off and let the subject drop, but it's still kind of a cool thing to bump into.

Unfortunately, he didn't know the alias she uses online for selling her work and I wasn't going to keep pushing the subject as she's a teenager and he was already starting to get weirded out by my enthusiasm. I'd love to find her work online though and get to introduce myself in the least creepy way possible. ^(_)^; Maybe something a little more elegant than, "Hey, I've known your dad for like 2 weeks, but I grew up in a similar setting and you're doing really great!"

I'm not leaving or anything, but these recent issues with the website have made me aware that I need to do a better job of maintaining my presence on some other sites. And more importantly, making my watchers aware that I AM on these other sites. So, for future reference, you can also find me here:

Weasyl
Furry Network

Those returning to the site, please please PLEASE go follow me on these other sites now! Just in case! Thank you! <3

You know the feeling when you've been at the same dead end job for over 10 years and though you put yourself out there and apply to other (better) jobs, you never hear anything back? And you try to cling to some sort of hope, but every day is just a wash of other human beings shitting on your spirit for 8 hours a day...5 days a week... And you feel crushed by the weight of not knowing why you can't seem to get interviews for these better jobs. You start feeling like maybe you're not worthy of anything better...and then you look at your coworker who is over 60 years old and still stuck in retail and your heart clenches knowing you couldn't possibly bear to be in this place for that long...

You know the feeling when you pay and you pay, but still the debt keeps stacking up because shit is expensive nowadays and god knows your dead end job isn't paying you much at all (or keeping up with the rising cost of bills, groceries, and gas). And you think about getting a second job...just something simple and part time that would help boost your income. But your first job kicks the shit out of you enough day to day that the thought of going anywhere else and dealing with the same piece of shit customers leaves you feeling exhausted and trapped...

And then maybe you have a little boost of money. A parent helps you out and you try throwing the money at some medical bills which have piled up and some of which have even gone to collections. And that's great! Finally some relief that at least a handful of issues have been resolved. Except, these weren't your bills. These were expenses generated by someone who has been made well aware that they have some problems to work on. And yet, they ignore these doctors' advice...because it would mean an end to drinking, to smoking, to the starting of diets and exercise to bring blood pressure down and strengthen a heart too young to be suffering in this way. And every day you're haunted by the nagging worry that the longer this all goes on, the more likely it becomes that more medical bills will pile up. Or worse, a medical emergency... Or even worse than that...a death.

And what would you do with yourself if that happened? What would you do without your partner? Life is already hard enough without suddenly finding yourself...alone.

...

And the worst...is that you realize that you are to blame for all of this.

Because you said, "I'll take the job!" years and years ago...

Because you said, "I do!" years and years ago...

These problems are mine. And either I will bury them...or they will bury me...

There's something a little strange about working at the table where you had to sit and do homework for years...doodling on commissions. With nobody home.

Just sayin'. 0(_)0





................this is weird.

Offering a simple full body piece like the one pictured here for $15 [+$10 for an additional character]. Can be PG - XXX in nature.

Any takers? One slot left!

Well, it's been a long, depressing afternoon...

Spent the better part of the last week scouring Richmond for houses/apartments/town houses for rent. Been talking back and forth with reps about rent costs and pet fees to get a good handle on our potential options for moving out. Had three locations lined up to visit this afternoon...but, it only took visiting two to completely crush my hopes of getting out of this piece of shit house...

The first location we visited, we made the mistake of being honest about having three cats. Apparently, when renting, 2 cats is relatively acceptable, while 3 is waaaaaaaay too many cats. My husband got angry with the rep and we up and left without even discussing rent or setting foot in a unit. Which is fine, as I doubt the rate would have been in our price range anyways. It still was incredibly awkward though and feeling the sting of shame and embarrassment was not exactly how I had envisioned this tour-de-future home unfolding...

Tried to shove that feeling down though as we drove the 10 minutes to the other apartment complex I had been speaking with. Had a much more friendly conversation with a guy roughly our age and even made it as far as talking about rental rates and fees. We've been renting this house for so long, I'm a bit out of the loop on how the cost of rent is determined and what all is added to it. I truly didn't realize that they legitimately change their damn rates every single day. To the point where he could only hold a particular rent cost for us for 48 hours! Obviously there's all the usual administrative fees, deposits, and pet deposits that go into setting up a lease. However, it was a brand new concept to me that your pets ALSO pay rent...separately...for EACH PET...EVERY MONTH. And this place wanted $25 per cat each month...meaning OUR rent at $892 [as he quoted us and again could only hold for 48 hours] plus the pet's personal rent would mean paying $942. And that doesn't include utilities or electric...

The whole point of moving was to try and downsize our living situation and hopefully go back to having a rent that would be $850 or lower [which was the rate we already struggle to reach each month]. But no. Shit has changed in this state and at the present moment, there really doesn't appear to be anything better. So, we have no choice but to tell our landlord that we're going to accept our 1K a month rent and pray that the roof doesn't cave in on us for another year...

So, I'm officially dubbing this The Year of Waiting. We're going to wait another year and hope that both my husband and myself can find better jobs so we can actually afford shit. I'm going to spend another goddamn summer mowing this shitty yard... And I guess if I'm incredibly unlucky I'll be spending another summer breaking my back at the same dead end retail job through Back to School season...

Just kill me now...

I take it back...what I said while bitching in my previous journal. I'm SO glad that I took this week off from work. Because if I had to put up with a cold, and deal with a new vet to treat a cat for a UTI, AND have to go to work right now? Wow. No...

Anyways... To update everyone, our cat has been back home since Monday evening. He was still making frequent trips to the litter box yesterday when he got back, but after a while he did settle in and sleep. And after a whole day today of chowing down on specialized food and some melti-tab pills, he's pretty much back to normal. Treatment will continue for another 2 weeks though...or till we hear back from the vet about the results of the culture they're processing on his urine.

After factoring in the cost of this special UTI food, his meds, and the extra cost the vet tacked on for "hospitalizing" him for roughly 8 hours, our bill climbed from $680 to $830. And it actually could have been even closer to 1K had I not gone and got him from them Monday evening. They chose to call at 6:30PM [they close at 7], to let me know how Milo was coming along...I guess just strongly assuming that I was going to leave him overnight? However, when they gave me the update on the total vet bill and then added that it would be $980 if I waited till 9AM this morning to come get him, I immediately hopped in the car.

I've very thankful that our cat is home safe and it's good to see that he's feeling better and settling back into a more normal routine. Even better for him, he now gets to eat 3 times a day! I'm also thankful that we still have credit cards that haven't been totally maxed out that were able to handle the bill. Because otherwise, I don't know how all this would have gotten taken care of. It's been a very tedious start to the week, to be sure...

But that's it right? The rest of the week will be smooth sailing from here?

...

Of course not.

Some time late in the afternoon, my husband and I got messaged by our landlord. Apparently he's moving out of state and unloading the responsibility of collecting rent from us to some third party company. Because of having to pay said third party company to do so...he's raising our rent to $1,000 a month. Which would be totally reasonable for a house this size...if it didn't have some major structural water damage [which he has been aware of for some time] which is just waiting to cause big problems at some point. I've been saying for a while now that we should consider moving [largely just because I don't want to wait till the ceiling in the kitchen comes crashing in, before deciding to move]. So, perhaps this is simply fate offering us that extra push to move on.

And while I'm open to the idea of moving and even downsizing a significant bit...this all has just been a bit much to have to process in a very short time. At this point, I don't know what the future will hold. I don't know if we're going to move or if we'll stay and try to scrounge together the extra $$$ each month. I don't know how we're going to get all these damn bills paid off. I would love to have a better job that would help with all these financial concerns, but I don't know when/if that's finally going to appear...

I just don't know...

Like, for real...

Not starting out this vacation week the way I would have ever wanted... Since Friday evening I've had a sore throat and the beginnings of sinus pressure and general blah that typically heralds a head cold. My immune system is good enough though that I rarely ever get sick. And when I do [like now] it usually isn't as harsh as it seems to be for other people. My sore throat is by no means brutal...but it is present. My cough is but an intermittent tickle, but it isn't anything I can't handle.

If anything, this cold is more of an annoyance than anything else. And I suppose right now, I'm just waiting to see if it manages to gain any foothold and become anything more than a mild inconvenience, while trying everything in my power to prevent it from doing so. Just sucks that it had to wait till I'm on vacation from work to finally show up. However, if that was it, I wouldn't be making a journal post just to whine about a stupid cold. I just want to start off by saying that I already feel like shit...before all this other crap got rolling...


So, aside from all that, we noticed yesterday that our male cat seemed to making a ton of trips to the litter box and just generally seeming unsettled and panicky. Didn't think too much of it though until this morning where I noticed that after breakfast he was doing the exact same thing again. Did what any sensible person does nowadays and started looking up the symptoms on my phone. After 2-3 blogs that said in rather panicked terms that a blocked cat is a soon to be dead cat, I threw Milo in a crate and headed out in search of a vet. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible cat parent with no money. My cat is not vaccinated [at least not within the past 4-5 years] and he does not regularly see a doctor...because of said lack of money.

Made that all clear to the vet that took him in this morning and got to deal with being grilled about how I "mistreat" this poor animal by feeding and playing with him, maintaining a healthy weight for him, and just generally loving on his fuzzy ass. Only bad thing I do really is admittedly refusing to waste money on giving an animal that only ever lives indoors a rabies shot [which apparently is against VA law]...so we're going to fix that. Anyways, long story short, he thankfully doesn't have a blockage that will require surgery. Instead, they're keeping him to run some blood work and test his urine and feces to see what kind of meds he'll need to take.

Medication not included, the vet bill already made it up to $680 just between them keeping him today [and potentially overnight] and all the tests they need to run. Between that chunk today and having to very recently replace a dead laptop...my credit card is toast and my husband's is getting there. Money is a constant worry for me and shit like this does not help one bit. I'm probably going to have to take some commissions or offer some adopts this week to try and chip away at this new debt. Which, going back to the first couple paragraphs, would be a whole lot less painful if I didn't feel like garbage...

So, anyways...sorry for yet another long ass rant about things. I'm sure I'll post another little something when I know more about our cat's condition and what may have caused all this. In the meantime...I'm going to go take a shower and try to get my head on straight before trying to attempt any work today...

Wrestling with some second thoughts and concerns about this new job. It's just an extra layer of intimidating unknown in so many aspects. And while my talk with the assistant manager yesterday went well and was comforting in that this company has gone 11 years without anyone being assaulted on the job...it's still something to think about. At my current job, customers have gotten angry sure, but no one has gotten violent and I've never felt physically threatened. At this new job, I'd be holding what the "bad guys" want and essentially the only thing between them and getting it.

Hence the service weapon and Kevlar vest. Which is a whole other unknown world unto itself. I've never even held a real gun before, honestly. Obviously this company offers training for the service weapon, so it's not like they're about to slap a gun in my hands and send me out to carry other people's money around. Still, my lack of experience concerns me. You always travel with a partner [for obvious reasons] which is comforting to -me-...but, frightening to think that just like I rely on them, they'll be relying on me as backup and protection.

Im sure that many of these fears and concerns will be quelled with a few weeks of training and experience in this new environment. But last night, as I was lying down waiting for sleep and thinking over the events of the day, some thoughts and phrases got stuck in my head and brought on a bit of a mild panic attack. I couldn't picture myself at the firing range, learning to use a gun. I couldn't picture myself walking alone into a Walmart to service an ATM. And I kept thinking back on the associate manager jokingly saying that not even cops want this job...because you have what the "bad guys" want.

...

All of that said... Now, in the light of day, I am feeling far more confident in my decision to move ahead with the hiring process for this new job. I suppose all of this is more of the same kind of feelings from one of my recent pictures, talking about daring to cross that line into something new. At the time, I was more thinking about a management position at Aldi and how that would differ from what I currently deal with in my day to day. And now with this new job there is all the same unknowns plus even more questions and concerns and the added intimidation of learning to use a gun. And along with the gun comes the realization that every day is going to be wildly different from my current time at work.

However, like the assistant manager said yesterday, it seems that many of the threats in this new job are prevented largely just by keeping your head up and being aware of your surroundings. I'm big and can be plenty intimidating when I need to be. I've been hit by a car and survived and I'm not afraid of pain. Not that any of that changes that all of this is entirely new and a bit frightening, but I'm going to approach it all with as much confidence as I can.

Anyways, sorry for the incredibly long post. Just working through some mixed feelings and fears while trying to stay positive...

Had a really great interview today! The gentleman that I spoke with seemed impressed with my experience and work ethic. Went more in depth on the expectations this new job will throw at me as well as the nitty gritty about healthcare, benefits, vacation time etc.

Only thing left now is a physical exam and a driving test which I'm going to go take tomorrow after work. ^(._.)^

With any luck, if I do well on these things tomorrow, I should hopefully hear back some time next week as to whether I have a new job or not!

So, here's the exact series of events from today...

Me: *spends the better part of the morning fiddling with commission stuff*
* eats lunch*
* launches some new YCH slots*
* husband comes in and declares that we're going to the movies at 2PM to finally see Zootopia.

Which was unexpected, but I figured meh, whatever. I really wanted to see the movie and it was only 2 hours. However, in the space of time it took to drive to the theater, watch the movie, and then drive back home...our 7 year old laptop's cpu finally fried.

We've since gone out and purchased a new laptop [more debt, yay!]. My husband is setting it up right now and I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll have Photoshop and my tablet up and running on the new machine. Still going to take some time to track down the brushes I had. And we're going to have to purchase a cable to get the data off the old computer's hard drive.

Anyways, I apologize for the delay and obviously I really wish the old computer had kept chugging along till I could save up the $$$ for the new one. But whatever!

Thank you technology...

So, my GM is a senile idiot and in the midst of the panic of preparing for Inventory, I didn't think to badger him every day about the vacation days I were hoping to take next week [like you have to do to get any vacation in my store...]. Long story short, he didn't notice the 3 locations in the manager's office that my vacation request was notated...and he didn't give it to me. He did genuinely feel bad about not noticing, but the jerk was about to set off on his own vacation today and wasn't interested in rewriting the entire schedule to give me the week off.

I agreed to take the week after next instead, but I suppose we'll wait and see what happens...because next Wednesday I have a face to face interview with the branch manager for Loomis! I'm nervous and excited and oh so very hopeful that this will mean a new job before the month is over! If they offer me the position, I'm absolutely going to put in my two weeks notice...and at that point, obviously all vacation consideration will be moot.

So, we'll have to wait and see if I get the chance to run the test week or not.

I'm so delighted right now...I positively can't contain it! Had my phone interview just a little while ago and it went very well. I'm so thankful that it went down the way that it did too because I'm so terrible at selling myself. Retail has worn me to the point where nowadays I don't have the energy to pitch myself as a benefit to any company. Instead, I just want to beg anyone that will listen, to drag me out of this terrible place.

Anyways! The phone interview went great, as it was the least -me- centric interview I've ever had. Most of the time spent on the phone was mainly just this sweet Southern belle of a lady describing the job to me in great detail...pausing occasionally to make sure I was still on board. Still don't have the job quite yet, but she's supposed to be back in touch soon with a date/time for a face to face interview with her branch manager. *flails excitedly*



...alright, I'm going to go settle somewhere and try to calm down. I apologize if any of this is incoherent or annoying. Currently running on only 2 hours of sleep from yesterday and spent a loooooong day at work [from midnight to 10AM this morning]. Inventory is finally over though and maybe just maybe...it'll be the last one I ever have to fucking deal with!

Goodnight everyone! <3

After the whole long journal post yesterday, it actually turns out that I found another relatively promising job opportunity today. Was talking with the guy who was doing the cash pickup for my store and he mentioned that he was actually from Southern VA. Apparently they pulled him all the way up here because his company is so short handed in the area.

Went out on a limb and asked if they were hiring (because I know unfortunately some companies are just making due with being short handed because they can't afford more people). Suddenly he really brightened up and started offering me the website for application and his personal work phone # so I could let him know when I've applied so he could alert his boss.

Guess I'm going to go ahead and fire off an application when I get home and hope for the best. But, I'm curious... Has anyone ever worked for a company like Loomis or Garda? Know anything about that kind of work good, bad, or otherwise?

A brief summary of some ongoing events at work: This coming Monday is my store's inventory. For those not familiar with the concept, it's simply when a third party company comes into a retail store and spends a super early morning or a night counting the entirety of the store's stock. In my current role, a great deal of the preparation for this event is rested squarely on me.

I've been on overnight shifts since Sunday trying to get all of our back stock organized and labeled in preparation for Inventory. Before that [like 2 months prior to now], I have tried several times to initiate and tinker away at this preparation, so that when we got down to the wire [aka NOW] there wouldn't be any reason to stress. However, corporate visits, weekly trucks, and massive rearrangement projects kept me tied up and I haven't been able to devote any real time to prep until just last week.

To add to the fuckery, my GM essentially took away one of my overnight shifts. I still worked it...but, rather than getting to move ahead on inventory prep, it was asked of me that I count ALL of the dated goods. That's a huge category of product in my store! It's an entire aisle + several promo locations + 2 back stock spots. I protested this request mightily because it would eat up the better part of a whole night, but, he's the boss...so I fucking did it. In fact, I put my head down and worked through several more requests that were made of me before immediately returning to what really needed to get done. Now it's almost the end of the week though and I am really running out of time. To make matters worse, tomorrow we're to receive a massive truck. Thirteen pallets of freight that will need to be broken down and put out onto the shelves or labeled before 3AM on Monday.

Since I got up earlier this afternoon, I've been mulling over ideas on how to deal with that. I've already worked 3 shifts this week and technically I need my last 2 shifts purely for inventory prep. However, I also play a crucial role in the breaking down/putting away of the trucks each week and it is expected of me that I make this one disappear as quickly as possible AND get done with everything else too. So, while going round and round in my head on how to make all that happen [given that I really don't want to have to go in on Saturday and Sunday too...especially because that will mean working 13 days in a row with no day off], I happened upon an idea!

And now, here's a snippet of a text conversation that went down between me and my GM this evening [any text in brackets is my commentary and not part of the conversation]:

Me: So, if the truck is truly gigantic tomorrow and it's going to pose this huge, stressful threat all weekend as to whether we're going to be ready for inventory...is it even remotely an option to leave it untouched/unreceived until after they finish on Monday? I would be willing to stay till 1-2PM to be sure the totes were broken down and that the closing people have stuff to work on. [My shift is to start at 3 AM on Monday...which is going to mean I will be up 1:30AM to get ready for work. Going to be a long looooooong ass day, and I just offered to make it even longer.]
GM: We can't do that. We have 4 days and we should be able to get a good chunk of it done. [He's talking like all we have to worry with now is the truck...forgetting entirely that I still have all this other shit to do to get ready for inventory.] Worst case scenario, I'll have to have you come in a little earlier on Monday and label flatbeds if there's still product on them.
Me: ...
GM: Oh, and also, my boss was barking today about getting the returns done. I did 5 out of the 6 for you. [I'm sure he didn't do the damn paperwork right... Also, good product returns aren't due until Friday. Why the fuck was he demanding they be done on a Wed???] The last one is huge though and I didn't want to waste a bunch of time tracking down the product. You're going to need to do that first thing in the morning so he'll stop bitching.
Me: Ok

... [like 15 minutes after my initial response]

Me: I really can't do this for much longer...

That's right. Tonight, I gave the very first indication to my GM that I'm not happy-as-could-be at work and that I'm thinking of quitting. Sure, I've talked about it with coworkers and other managers and even told them about some of the places I applied to that I was most hopeful about. Through all of it though, I never did bring it up with my GM. Honestly, I really wanted to wait until I had a new job lined up before just plopping my 2 weeks notice in his hands like a goddamn bomb.

I meant what I said though. The severe sense of panic and dread that sank into my chest when he shot down my idea about the truck AND dropped a 2 hour project in my lap, taking even more time away from what I desperately need to finish, and almost guaranteeing at this point that I will have to work through the weekend... I've never felt so claustrophobic and trapped while sitting in my own house. I've been tired for a very VERY long time and even gone to some pretty dark places in my thoughts. Please don't read that and worry... I've got way too many people who care about me to do anything stupid. But this pressure is very real and eventually you have to react before something gives and crushes you altogether.

So...all this to say...I don't really know what's going to happen over the next couple weeks. My manager immediately responded to that text asking if he could call me. I don't want to beat around the bush any further with lame promises that things will get better. I don't want to hear that inventory is a stressful time [like I haven't been dealing with it for over 10 goddamn years], but that we'll get through this and then things will be great. No. So, I didn't respond. Can't take back what I said though...and I have some decisions to make about what the future is going to be here...