Yep, I'm with my mom right now, will be till Saturday, were having a good enough time. Turns put her boyfriend (A nice enough guy, but I don't really care for him...) Had a friend, who ones a bloody tiger! She rides in the back of his truck in a cage, And yeah, ya kinda think that might be bad. But the Tiger was really digging it o.o She was just chill, and looking.. Well like a giant house cat. She's CERTAINLY having more fun then in Zoo. And yeah, I get to pet it, had real interesting fur o.o. But heck, cooler then touching her was just watching you. It's not like the Zoo, at all. She was actually active, looking at me, and everyone and making noise, cute little stutters an reows. I have a picture with me on the tailgate, shame I didn't get too see her out of the cage, but it was still pretty amazing, and she's nearby where my mom is staying, so I bet I'll see her again.

All in all, I nice early birthday present :3. Toonami will be too x3

Yeah, Sunday sometime me moms taken me for a bit for some sort f birthday fun or something...

Maybe if I'm lucky it'll pull me out of this funk, but I dunno, I do hope your all doing well, all who read these xD. I'm sorry to all I've bummed out or anything. I really don't know what to do with myself, I'm not very good on my own.

Also as each day passes, Anthrocon becomes less and less likely. If I can't figure something out rooming wise by the 29th it's sunk and done with. Not the end of the world or anythin, and I know I seem silly to most, but this money is 90% or so what I've made this year, I've saved a bunch, and I don't think I can stay with total strange, I would be paranoid while I sleep, and while I left my stuff at the room. If a friend of a fried is too much to ask, then I suppose I'll just bow out, I dunno really..

But yeah, that's the news, I don't know what net will be like during this trip, so I make no promises one way pr the others. I'm going to get back to work, and maybe take a nap or something.

Have a nice day everyone ^^.

So yeah… my birthday is at the end of the month.. 27th and all that.. I guess that’s journal worthy. Honestly I’m not looking forward to it. I’ll be 21. And I’m still doing this homeschooling crap. I have gotten a lot more done as of late. I should be finished during the summer…. So I guess it could always be worse… But it still doesn’t make me feel very good about myself ^^;;

In other news, this time of year drives me mad xD Your all so very busy. And it’s understandable why… But I really don’t have that much going on in my life.. I bury myself into school work to forcibly be busy too. In fact, the BEST part about my birthday, is it’s around the start of summer. Which means I’ll at last see more of you more.

In further news, around my birthday is due or die time for me. It’s when I can get the best deals for a bus ride, so I need to find a for sure room by then, it’s looking.. iffy, not doomed, not great. A few of you said I should check the forums, but as whimpy as it sounds, I can’t room with total and complete strangers so far from home, I wouldn’t feel comfortable about my positions, nor while I slept.

So yeah, things a both hectic, and dull at the same time. Go figure xD but it’s all rather basic, nothing to really worry about. I hope I can see a lot of you in nearly a months time… If not… I guess I’ll shift that all that money to Megaplex and a 3DS or.. something?

I've noticed that a bunch of my friends, have been advertising for another good friends of mine. A miss  eyanicarea So I'm going to join it :3

She's doing five dollar sketches, and she's got a great style, it's a crime she doesn't have more work. She does cutsie baby stuff as well as the more traditional route well :3 ya can't lose!

So give here a glance, and I would hope a watch guys, if ya don't know her already! I would appreciate it ^~^.

If I reach one person my other friends have not, or add enough to the flood of advertisement that someone finally caves, then I've done my job :3

What can I say? I love the things, so derpy and silly, and over all a little underrepresented as far as mascots.

I mean sure, Moogles may be more snuggable, but the most of them could only hope to have this kinda of humor, and personalty :3.

Oh and yeah, free art contest and all that xD

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3406779/ Ka link! :3

First off, I love this keyboard and mouse I've found. Mine were really starting to screw up, and it was becoming quite a pain to deal with.

Anyhow life is.. Okay. I've still had a few bouts with depression, but I think I'm looking at an up turn. Also schools chugging along nicely. I may not be retaining much, but I'm breezing through Spanish, just last night I did two tests and a midterm. I'm tried, but rather proud of myself.

As for AC, the Money is starting to stabilize, and I've figured out I'm taking the Bus. Granted it'll mean two days for nothing but travel, but it's about 100 dollars cheaper, each way. Still don't have a room just yet, But I'm pretty sure I'll find one, I'm a bit worried, but I'm pretty sure it'll work out. Though this is the point and time I really have to find a place that's for sure to take me in, and stick with it. I think by not being decisive I've already lots a few good opportunities for a room.

Also I planned to post a lot of art today stuff that I have, and have yet to post and all that.

Anyways, last life so... yeah x3

Well it’s getting ever closer once more. On the bright side, my money is starting to stabilize a little… I’m still a little worried, but I’m going to check that in the clear for now, worse comes to worse I can dip just a bit into my savings. Now I need a ride and a room. I have choices, but nothing has really been set so to speak. Really I just need to get there, and have a place to lay my head, being cramped is of no worry to me. So yeah, there’s that. I really hope everything works out, it was the best time of my life last year, and to miss out would have me depressed for well over a month I’m sure xD.

Now, the lesson I’ve learned from last year and such, just for fun.

1. Don’t be so damn shy! I mean I’m shy normally, but I had flat out Con shock. Not again, most of you bitches are getting glomped, and havin the life snugged out of you >:3.

2. Event? We don’t need know stinkin events! Yeah, there was some fun times, but other the dancing, fur suit parade, and the stand up by mister 2 gryphon, I could have really taken, or left the rest. I might glance over them this year; maybe view something that might TEACH me something new. But mostly, I want to hang with my friends, and while I wasn’t neglectful or anything, I think I missed out on at least one or two fun times because of some dumb event.

3. Call and spend more time with everyone! Yeah… Not being able to text is an issue…. A lot of AC is lloouuddd as hell, so hooking up with people by call is troublesome, yet my only choice… Really not sure what to do about this one.

4. Needa tail o.o. Last year, I got a collar, this year, even if it matches my character super well, or not, I need myself a tail, just gotta get one xD, tis the way it is :p

5. let’s hope I can bust a move ^^;; Yeah, life’s been crazy, so dancing hasn’t really made much progress…. Still there’s time, I’m hoping I can still get some basics down.

6. It’s time to suit up! Yeah, I need to try one someone’s fur suit this year xp not really sure whos, but that’s just.. something you do, I’ve never worn one before.. And I’m not sure how to ask… but I’ll get that done at some point.

And that’s all that comes to mind, I hope everything pans out for me, as well as my friends, best of luck with travel and all that :3, here’s hoping for another great AnthroCon ^~^

Well Things have been going pretty well overall, I've actually beena bit busy with school, and for me, that's a good change of pace. I admit, certain things have been rough... and they still kinda are, but I've been doing good.

Though now I'm worried. Cause the next class is Spanish, and I can only take that class. Now switch, no adding another to make it more bearable. I mean what can I say? I suck at Spanish. I like the langue okay, I know it's useful, and there's little getting around it. But.... eehhh, It's pretty much my weakest subject, and I have a lot of it to do xD.

Yeah, I bitched a little, tis my journal afterall x3. But anyways, here's hoping Spanish doesn't kick my ass.

Well, a few of you may not know by now, but on April fools, adult swim brought Toonami back for the night.

After words, the net sploded xD, and now there's a strong movement to bring it back. I'm sure a lot of you, like me grew up with this block of programming. And it's really not even about the shows.

It's recapturing a bit of our childhoods, not to mention being good old TOM back. He wants the job, we all wanna watch it, the ratings will be good, what's the down side here?

Anyhow, here's more info guys :3 hope I made a few more people aware. http://nerdreactor.com/2012/04/01/f.....work-for-good/

Let's get moving Toonami faithful

Yep, I made an alt account for my Pokemon fursona. Why? Meh, because the account was dead, I asked for it, and I got it :3 reeeaalllyyy as simple as that. Not sure what I'll do with it, but hey, we'll see, I may use it as a place to dump my bad sketchy artwork, should I start drawing more. Which I wanna do.

The Account is  Ilex so uhm... Yeah, it's there.

I also got new glasses, and I'll most likely take some webcam pics too see what you all think. Plus I'll have some slightly update picture for you all wwooaaahh... I guess.

So that's the news o.o I guess.... At least it wasn't Emo xD

But this one is perfect for me xD

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3310264/

Hey everyone, at my aunts getting a spot of net, and that I would give some updates.

Things are running smoothy, hanging with mom and what not, the little net sucks, but it IS nice to get away from everything and reflect.

I called a few people, and I plan to call more. I had an especially nice conversation with  EyaniCarea And I really want to talk with you all more, I did buy a new skype headset x3.

Further nose, sometime next week, or the week after I'm going to get some new glasses, I'll take some webcam pics to see what you guys think... jus cause that sounds fun :3.

Anyhow, I miss you all, I'll be back in 3 more days or so, and I'll still pop on a little bit from time to time.

Everyone have a nice week okay?

Okay guys, see you in a week, if ya wanna talk, feel free to give me a righ at 864-553-9508, I'll miss you all :3

Just letting you know I'm visiting mom for a week next Wednesday or so. It has been awhile I'll admit, and I do love her dearly. As per the norm, this means, during the week I stay with her, There will be mostly no internet. Honestly I don't know how this'll effect my loneliness :p though visiting mom is normally a pretty good break from everything, though I do always end up missing you all...

Anyhow that's still over a week away, and with any luck, my headset will be here by weeks end. So maybe I got to skype with lotsa people or somethin before then xD.

I’m just so tired of this life. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or anything. I just hate it hear and feel like venting about it a lil. I mean good news to anyone who cares, I am moving forward. I’m doing school, I’m in now current danger of losing the roof over my head, and dad and I are getting along pretty good. But even as I actually move forward, and as good as it feels… I’m still troubled.

In the end of the day, I’m lonely, ergo, I spend way too much time alone. Why? I have only one friend around here, and he actually has a life sooo… I’m not really tight with the few local furs, though I wish I was more so. I don’t own a car, and even if I did there’s hardly anywhere to go. And stay in the room… And I feel like it’s choking me.

Which is why at least it’s good I have all of you. Because, I just don’t know what I would do….. My life would be just… empty, devoid without you people in it. Which is why I kinda have an odd question to all of you. Since I can’t move any time soon, I wonder, just as a psychological question… what should I do to remind myself of all of you on a deeper level?

As far as I see it, since I can’t move, and there’s not a giant amount of point, trying harder to socialize in these backwoods, I feel to ward of all this negativity is to remind myself of you all. That I have people I love and that love me in return. Of course I can’t expect you all to just remind me all the time… That’s crazed… But really, that’s gotta be some way to remember I’m not really alone, when I stare up at the ceiling of this tiny room that acts like some kinda cell…

I do hope this didn’t sound too emo, but I really. REALLY felt like it had to be said, if for no one’s benefit other then my own. Make of it what you will. And again, I love you all.

And it's freaking me oouuttt reminds me it SO close, and so is my Birthday, Which means I'll be 21.... And not being a drinker as of yet, doesn't have me all that hyped o.o. On a side note, dads doing good. He's home and everything.

But dude, you guys are freaking me out! I don't got anything Yet, no cash... Really my only hope is that the family I babysit for get's back on they're feet...... Room? Nope not yet... Ride? Like I can just buy a plane ticked when I'm not sure I got cash for anything else...

And really.... I wanna go... very badly.. It was amazing and I wanna see everyone again. And heck, not going when everyone else is will give me the blues for a month, even if AC itself sucks... I better have some money, cause I'm gonna need to buy a 3DS or something to cheer myself up if I can't cut it.

But yes.... Long and short. I love you all, your all amazing, and you've sent me into mass panic. xD

Okay, well best to get too the point. Dads finally working with me a bit to get my schooling.. for some reason he seemed to think I would fight him... At least that's what mom tells me. But really it's good to see him both taking an interest, and being reasonable.

So I won't be moving out just yet. Heck even if I COULD I want to stay around until Dad get's done fighting Cancer. He has a more... less aggressive case, but all the same he's going in for surgery Monday. And I really want to help him. We fight, we bicker, he can be an utter ass, just like most Dads, but it's in my nature to be there for him.

Along with that, they're finally taking my grandfather off dialysis, which is sad, and means a funeral... But I'm happy for him. His life isn't happy anymore, he's really barley there.... So.. Lifes a mixed bag I suppose. While I'm happy I'm really getting on the right path, there is some down sides. Still, I think everything lined up so far is for the best ^^

Ojay, 2011 is over and done with. Which means my life is just getting sadder with age xD. But that’s not the point, the point is, THIS is the time to start fresh. Now, for anyone who cares, I don’t really know where I’ll be for sure in the next few months. For now I’m not going anywhere, I need to look after a good friends kid, so he can work. He’s going through a bit of a divorce it seems.

Anyhow, I hope everyone’s New Year is going well. Me I’m kinda excited about all the changes coming my way. It’s a bit scary, but let’s face it, I’m on the road to being a total loser xD. I have dreams, but I suck at getting to them. I would make resolutions, but I kinda don’t have much of a choice in making them. I need to get better about school, need to move out all that good stuff xD.

Anyways, hope everyone’s life is feeling fresh, and good, that’s how I’m trying to get it :3 This is the time to let the past go and move forward, that’s make 2012 worthwhile. Heck crazy people say this could be our last. So make the most of it in case there right :3 (Which I’m sure there not, but stil)

Hey, middle of trip report x3.

It's rather okay... Christmas day should be nice... But being away from you all does hit me with a lonely pang every now and again, especially when things are on the slower side.

And that makes me think.... What's wrong with me? am I normal? xD I love my family and all, but is it okay for me to feel lonely when around these people? I dunno really.... But it still shows that hey, I miss you all xD. Anyhow I should be back Monday night, X-mas is Morrow, so that should be nice, I'm old now, so I won't get all that much, but that doesn't bother me.

I'm going top do my best to enjoy myself here, but I can't deny how much I care for you all, and I'll be calling everyone I can to wish them a Merry Christmas, and anyone I miss will get love when I return ^-^

Yep, from now, till after Christmas. I won't be near a computer like... at aallll, and I bet most of you will be busy, so you won't even be thinking much about me x3. But if ya do, my number is 864-553-9508. You can call me whenever. Or even drop me a Text, though I can't reply, not o my cheap ass phone plan xp. But yesh, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and praise Santa Christ or whoever you happen to love this year, on earth or wherever else :3

Also small side note. Finally bought Skyrim, only present I plan to get for myself for some time x3. It ish fun, but on my Stander Def TV it's REALLY hard to read. And I wanted to collect books.. And most importantly, know what the heck I'm saying xD

So yeah, see you all before the new year :3 Remember, 864-553-9508 x3

But not as much as other I supose. Plus this time I'm doing it for my bro :3 http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3013837/ Check it our, it's going to be a really interesting stream o.o. With sketches, and advice... And just look at it! okay? xp

Also, will be posting this alter, but I'll be gone for Christmas, starting tomorrow, I'll leave m number in another journal.

So I'm more then happy to whore myself out to one o.o this is one of my lesser guilty "Spread the word for free stuff" Journals x3

I'll level with all of you. I'm not in a good place right now. I have very little idea where I'll be in the oncoming months. I don't know who i can even turn to, and I feel pretty alone overall. Life isn't all that good.

But I love this time of year. It's better to give the revive. It sounds like something you just say, just to make little kids less bratty. But ya know, it's true. I look back, and what sticks more in my mind? It's not what I've gotten people, but what I've given, heck for the past few months, I've been deep in thought with what I had to get a few people around Christmas (I really wish I could get more, but I'm pretty poor) And when dad asked for a list to send to the family, I really had to think hard over it.

I dunno, it's just something that makes me feel a bit good about myself, and that nice in these unsure times ^^. So no matter how dark things get, or if you don't get what you really want these holidays, or whatever, jus sit back and really take in the magic this time of year brings, if only for a moment. You'll feel a little better. I promises.

I may have to say goodbye to all of you for sometime.

Now I’m breaking this into two bits. The next sentence or two will be too the point. After that I’m going to vent a little. I warn ahead of time so people who don’t want to deal with it, can get to the point and ignore my whiny bullshit if they so choose ^^;;

Now… I haven’t been worried about this… but as the new year comes ever closer it’s a real fear. I’m a terrible student. And as such through years of getting worse, I still have one or two tough homeschooling courses to finish (Advanced Mathematics (As in above high school norm) and Spanish, lots of damn Spanish) Now I might be able to get myself into shape before new years, I’ve been getting better, but not by a lot…

Basically, I’m gonna get kicked out. Now this will most likely cause me to move in with my mom, and she’ll help me get my life on track…. When she can find time. Heck I would have most likely moved in with her already, if not for a good handful of reasons, the main of which is she is taking care of my slowly dying grandfather. Now what does this mean to all of you? Well should this happen, mom doesn’t have internet, not at Grandpa’s house, and she’s pretty poor overall. I would also most likely be uber buy trying to improve myself all at once. So if I vanish, I’m most likely not dead. I’m just warning really, all my friends at once, in advanced.


VENTING/WHINING/WHATEVERYAWANNACALLIT Starts now



Now for a bit of the venting. Why has it come to this? Well some of it falls on my dad. But I don’t like blaming others for my issues.. Really it was a down hill fall. Somehow I got to be a slacker, and it get worse, and worse and worse. Now it’s second nature. I’ve tried to make steps to stop out this habit but it’s easier said the done. There’s so many distractions, the internet being the main thing I fill my day with.

Why don’t I just unplug it? Because frankly my life sucks, and the internet makes it much less so. I’m in the middle of nowhere, I don’t have a car, and I don’t have anyone to teach me to drive. Most of the local hang outs are also filled with jackass from what I’ve seen in the past. The main thing in it all, is I’m scared to death of being alone. Being lonely hurts me more than anything else, and largely in part to all of you. Now how healthy this is I don’t know…. It’s really hard to say. It would all honestly be fine if I knew how to balance my own damn life, but I don’t. I’ve tried making schedules, and imposing limits, but I tend to get lost in whatever I’m doing, and I forget all about them.

So yes, in the end of the day I’m a lazy, slacking, good for nothing, who barley knows how to function at times. And half the time I don’t know what to do about it. Some of you have tried your hardest to help, but thus far it’s all been for naught. It’s not as if my dad can help me. He understands me about as much as he understands why mom left him (Which is pretty little) So I really don’t know… I’m sure I’ll figure something out. I have ambition and desire, even if my drive is shot to hell. And I have a decent intellect for someone who makes so many stupid mistakes. I just don’t know what will go down in the next few months….. But at least with this you all won’t have to wonder, should things turn out poorly for me.

I really hope I haven’t damped your day to much with my issues…
Clow

Yeeeaaaaaahhhhh My moms side of the family is doing Christmas, on Thanksgiving. This is do to everyone being around more easily. Plus my Ill grandfather wouldn't be able to tell at this point ^^;; So this is actually pretty good as far as family goes, as I get to spend more time with both sides of my family. Though it does mean less time with all of you. Sorry to all who actually care x3.

On a side note, as thanksgiving nears, I'm actually thankful to all of you xp. I've actually been a bit depressed lately. My real life is kinda of dull and lonely, and I think I use this stupid internet to forget about it... While I'm not sure how healthy that is. none the less thank you for bring a smig of joy into my life as I rot away on the mountain top xp Maybe one day I'll be able to pull myself together xp.

Anyhow, sorry to bit a lil emo, you guys have a great Thanksgiving okay? ^-^