Not much about this journal, I just really want to get into it. I mean, after all, I'm a furry, but not only that, but I LOVED playing DnD as a kid, and I really miss table top RPGs. Not really sure what else to say o.o this is a short journal xp

Hey everyone, just felt on reporting something. I've been feeling motivated today, really trying to get my life in order. And during this I noticed somethings. I've always thought I had OCD, though not a bad case. I mean I really like things to be even, I wash my hands a lot, I played weird little evening games. But again, I thought my case to be, maybe just completely in my head.

Then today, I sent an email, and I've checked for a reply about four times. And I asked myself, out load, with no irony "Why Am I so obsessive and compulsive?" I of course, soon after faced palmed myself. Makes me think maybe the condition doesn't always have to involve knocking on a door four times, or kissing someone six times before saying goodbye, to be serious. I can't count the hours I've wasted, just waiting to a reply to something like that, not able to get it out of my head..... Maybe I should have this looked into at some point xD

Hope you all are having a great note. I wanted to bump and get rid of my journal. Though I won't lie to you all, I got much worse sometime after writing that thing xD. But a lotta people did there best to cheer me up.

Some shout out's go to  RenChu  rathalos1  KilionTheFallenAngel  AbbeyJunction and  photon

They were all sweet, and I'm sure there would have been more, as I have so many great friends, but I didn't want to spread my bad mojo all around. Still I appreciate all the help everyone. Though in the end, sleep is really good if your depressed, it's a nice reset x3. Honestly, my life's still a mess.

But for tonight I'm just going to be glad mister depression didn't eat all my Halloween. Love you all ^^

Yeah…. I going to rant a lil bit hear, I don’t think I’m TO whiny, but please, don’t let me ruin your Halloween xD go away if ya feel the need, I won’t blame you, I just need to get this out.




So it’s Halloween. One of my favorite holidays, holder of so many pleasant memories. And I have no custom, I did nothing befitting this weekend, and if I get a comish to celebrate Halloween it’ll be after the fact. Why is all this? Because I have so little of my life together, by the time I noticed Halloween was here, it was too late. Oh I’ve said it was because I was focused on Xmas, making sure I would have money for gifts and such. But really, that sounds like an excuse.

I just…. Don’t seem to have anything together. And I suppose I made a decent step, deciding, rather than spending my Halloween sleep till noon I would turn it in, sometime after the AM’s have striken. But my steps are so small, and don’t seem to add up for me. I’m trying to pull this sad life together, but it keeps coming apart. I mean how sad are my days that I can’t even notice, or get hyped for one of my favorite times of year?

It’s just frustrating is all. I feel like I’ve betrayed myself. Like if I could visit myself from any point in the past, he would hit me or something, why can’t I have some freaking diligence? I’ve turned into such a waste of space, and the things I do have hardly slown that down.

I’m sorry to anyone who cared enough to ignore the warning; I really hope I haven’t put a damper on your day. I just had to get this out already. I’m still going to do my best to have a nice Halloween, but this disappointment, to myself and no one else, needs to serve as a reminder.

I wish you all a Happy Halloween, from the bottom of my heart, do your best to have a great day okay?

I heard something today, and it just made me feel like ranting. Freakin Toby Keith. If you’re a fan fine, but when it comes to me, ffffuuccckkk him. I mean the line “He ain't prejudice he's just, made in America” that’s something someone who IS prejudice would say to not seem like such a dick. I mean Toby….. Your don’t make me proud to be American, you make patriotism annnnoooyyyiiinnngg.

And if you want to be proud about being an American, more power too you. But honestly, I don’t care about all of that. I live in the computer age. Here, on the net, the world is small. I can be anywhere and everywhere. I’m proud to be a good person, but American? I would move to Canada or England, or Scotland in a heartbeat folks. Not planin too mind you but still. So very short rant, just felt like bitching about the annoying trend of people wearing American flags, and just having a hard on for this country. Were a great place, but the world is full of interesting places. So get over yourself already, especially you Toby Keith, you worse than a one trick pony, your annoying and damaging. I( don’t like country music, but I hate that guys songs, I would rather listen to ten random country songs, along with five random raps songs, then one of that mans songs x3.

So yeah, this is just ranting about a music artist, and the attitude he promotes, I needed a new journal!

To Atlanta :3 be gone all weekend at Anime Weekend in Atlanta, if anyone needs me, feel free to call, I can't answer texts though. Numbers 864-553-9508

Not sure if anyone I know will be there. In fact I strongly doubt it, but still xD Worth telling everyone. it's going to be cheap cheap thanks to luck so... uh.. yeah x3 that is all

Yeah, don't do this much, but hey *Shrugs* http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2746981/

Well uhm.. Yeah x3 let's see.....

I was sick a while back, pretty bad, but I'm more or less better now. Though honestly I've felt very lonely lately, not sure why, jus seems the people I've known the longest, and a lot of people I'm close to are quite busy xD. Not that I blame any of you, but still..

One reason it might feel a bit lonely around here, is also the fact that my dad is in the hospital. Yeah he got a bit of his lung taken to test, and a day later, it collapsed... He's fine, but it's been a bit distressing, still he's doing great. My dad may bug the hell our of me... But it is hard to see him in pain, I'm doing all I can ^^

So uhm.. yeah, life's just... life, the lack of movement and change is the most distressing thing actually ^^;; I hope I can leave all this soon, this peaceful little bit of no where I suppose is paradise to some, but not to me.

Anyhow, yeah, that's life x3, I hope your all doing well ^^

Well, I'm coping. Using my dads laptop a little more then I thought I would be able too x3. Being careful, but it's working out well.

Mother board still in the mail, so I'm waiting, I really hope it works, but if it doesn't dad will buy it off me, so there's not to much of a downside.

And while taking a whiz on a tree (Nudist resort, I live near the forest, and the waters not working xD ) right beside it, I happened to find the thumb drive with all my saved data, so that's WONDERFUL x3, anyhow, I hope to see you soon :3

Well, I'm coping. Using my dads laptop a little more then I thought I would be able too x3. Being careful, but it's working out well.

Mother board still in the mail, so I'm waiting, I really hope it works, but if it doesn't dad will buy it off me, so there's not to much of a downside.

And while taking a whiz on a tree (Nudist resort, I live near the forest, and the waters not working xD ) right beside it, I happened to find the thumb drive with all my saved data, so that's WONDERFUL x3, anyhow, I hope to see you soon :3

It was hardware, I ordered a new mother board under my dad advisory, It better work or I'm going to be pissed at him for wasting my money >3>. Should be here next week.

Well, seems the bug I had was NASTY. It was hiding in my damn mother board and fucking shit up BAD. Even the first format didn't take, BUT after formatting it, in two different ways, re installing windows, and re installing some drivers, everything APPEARS to be fine.

Seem it might not be a hard ware issue. BUT last time everything worked great for a day, then got all fucked up again, so I'm happy, but skeptical. Now to try and scrap everything back together, and see if I can find that thumb drive with all my important date on it...

Hope I won't be leaving you all any time soon

~Clow

Yeah well... my computer is out of it... After working all weekend long, it seems my computer is is toast, nothing left. Luckily I have some money... But not enough, i might have to say good bye to you for a good month or two before I can afford to get something of quality... Shame, I also wanted to by some stuff, comish's and the like, maybe a 3DS, but what can you do? Seem I have to save just to get things back to normal.

I'll see you soon cowboys, I sure hope ^^;;

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2497461/ Yep, jump in on it if ya like x3

Well Anthro Con has come to a close. I have cemented many friendships, and perhaps started a few more. I really felt accepted and at home, I’m proud and overjoyed, and I’ll come back again next year, for this, there is no doubt. But really, as much as I would love to talk about just that. This isn’t about that.

It’s about my life, and while AC was a big step forward for me, I don’t have much time to reflect, as another big event has come crashing down.  Latias714 and I are no longer together. We met, and it was great, but he is now sure he is straight, and no matter how much he loves me, he can’t really do anything about it. I will say now, that nobody better give him a rough time, or I will personally assault them.

Our love was pure, and sweet, and amazing beyond words. I really have no dears of losing him, but of never finding that again in a romantic setting. I really can’t say what the future holds, and that is very scary. But I know there is nothing wrong with my past. I have made no mistakes not worth making, and I have never been fake, only true.

I almost wish I could be angry, or mad, spiteful, or petty. This would most likely make the hurt be less so. But this is not who I am. For me to do so would compromise my very self, and make me weak and pathetic. I will admit, my life is hell right now, but I can place no blame on Don. Only upon myself, and my father. He has shown the great contrast between the life I live, and the one I want.

He has shown me not a bit of love, and has only acted crude and hatful, insulting me, and my friends. But life has been hard on him, and it is my own fault for living with him now as I do. I’m not sure I can forgive him anymore, he’s just slowly become a worst person and he is really hurt me right now while I’m still vulnerable. It should show how much a really loath him, when I cannot say I hate the wonderful boy who just broke up with me, and yet can say he is the scum of the earth.

So now what? Well now I take all the experience I’ve gained from theses event, all the joy, and the pain, and the love, and the hate, and use it to move forward. That is the only thing I can do, stepping back is not an option at this point.

I suppose the only thing I can say is, me being me, if any of you have help to give in any way, shape, or form, please do. I have gotten to feel so many wonderful things from you all, and while I feel strong, I’m not sure I can do this without you all. There is still so little I know of the world outside my little gated home. I feel so unwelcome on this patch of land now, only a few accept me as a truly am. I hope I don’t talk to you less, but I need to finish the school BS so I can escape, even if my dad and so called teacher won’t help.

So please friends, keep me strong, and make sure I don’t step back, I know I need spread these wings of mine out into the world, as I’ve grown so tired of this damn cage. I know I can do it, I can move on from this locked up part of my life without losing you all, I refuse to accept any other option, what do you all say to all of this?

Yes, well... I’ve just been thinking (Dangerous I know), I like to implement my RL traits into my fursona/fursona’s (If you count the new, still in development Shaymin) You my notice, my ears are big, even for being a cat, I have fur freckles, I wear glasses during my older ages (Got the specs at ten years of age x3) Also while I’m a bit tubby, I do hope to be as slender as my character, and I have been eating better. Soon I’ll be nice and scrawny x3.

So I wonder, should I implement my rather big feet into one of my characters? It’s a rather silly thought I suppose. But my feet are 13, extra wide. Which makes it a bitch to shop for shows >3> apparently MOST size 13’s have slender ass feet xD. Really I just wonder if it would improve… or off set my character a bit.

Hey, I warned you it was a silly journal, so don’t blame me, you read it.

Well it’s June. And AC is upon us. And I have a request for those who happen to be going. I’ve been told that unless you have phone numbers ahead of time, meet ups don’t happen.

So yeah, I’m here to ask for some. Now if you don’t feel comfortable that’s fine. Though I will add some rules to perhaps make you feel comfortable.

1. Upon request, I will not call you until the Con. If you wanna talk before hand, great, but it’s not a must.

2. If you like, I will delete the number after the Con, I’ll even show you while I do it xD

3. With that note, if desired I will not call after the Con x3.

4. Also I don’t have texting… Ssssooo You can send them, but I can’t reply… so sorry about that o.o

So uhm, yeah x3 Send me your number to me in a note or some such thing and I'll return the favor

Yeah another year gone by. Really it is bitter sweet. My teens are gone and I really haven’t gotten enough done with my life…… I’ve been sulking about it for weeks, dreading this day as it got closer and closer. And now that it’s hear, what do I have to say?

Fuck it! No point in sinking into despair, this will be the day I kick it into high gear :3

Thanks for all the well wishes guys, I’m going to enjoy these next few days as much as I can ^^

I felt the need to write this as I listened to a few of the new songs.

Really, I mean my love for Owl City is nearly unnatural, most of us have that one band that we couldn’t live without, that if we had to save just one, all music vanishing, it would be this. For me that’s Owl City.

Now the reasoning… Well for one it speaks to me in a special way. It’s almost as if my hearts reaching out of my chest, and writing and composing music. It speaks to my soul, as if I wrote it in my dreams. The music is pleasant and catchy, I would say the best of Tencho electronic. But the Lyrics…. My god the lyrics. The silly, sweet metaphors and rhymes. It’s the polar opposite of most rap, which may be why I dislike most of the genre, with a few exceptions.

It’s almost always light hearted and joyful. It IS musical poetry, heck I would almost say it is the future of poetry, and if that’s the case I may become a poet myself. There’s also some happy coincidences that make it speak to me. For one the constant and recurring mention of wings, feathers, and flight. It makes me feel, as my fursona, that my cute, but worthless little wings will one day take me away, and to my dreams.

Speaking of dreams, the stories it forms in my head… I almost want to add illustration to go along with the lyrics to show you what I see when I listen to these songs and shut my eye. In fact I may do that at some point… Along with this, the songs make me feel as if I can take on the world. They fill me with strength and hope, and this can push me or lift my spirits. It is quite literally good for my soul.

And one great thing, like I said above, I feel like I almost came up with these songs, in my dreams, in some other life, I’m not sure what, but hey they resonate with me… It also demonstrates how I view myself and the world. I love art, because I love beauty. I also want to be sophisticated, artistic, kind, and sweet, but still silly and childish in a way. Which is what embodies most of this music.

It’s odd; I want to spread the love and joy I got from this. But I doubt anyone, even hard core Owl City fans feel the exacts same way, maybe close… But it’s kinda of nice, having my own musical experience.

Anyhow, I just wanted to get this out on paper, comments are appreciated, but not needed, but next time you may wonder why I like Owl City the way I do, and what kinda of person I am and strive to be, now you know, if you DID mange to read through all this, I hope it wasn’t a bore.

Till my Birthday Day x3. I AM NOT looking forward to turning twenty. Makes me feel like a loser that hasn't gotten enough done with his life. BUT the day itself should be nice. Though maybe I won't have to deal with it, the world could always end x3.

But we'll see :p. I know this looks like I'm whoring myself out, but I really don't expect much. My family is pretty poor as a whole, and my friends give me all I need with here love. In the end of the day, I'm hoping for a little of this, a little of that, a few good wishes, and a lil more money to put into my Anthro Con Fund x3

So uhm... Yeah x3 that's whats going on :3

Yes more of these, but I don't think this is a raffle, and I got in on it early, so maybe I got a chance, I suck at raffles x3, still, check her out http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2359378/

Okay well yes, I caved. I have watched the new My Little Pony xD. Call me what you will. But I’m going to explain and give my first impressions. First, when you watch the first episode, you quickly see that this has far more plot then this show should have :p. It remind me of Sonic SatAM, making a interesting story from nothing. Well, at least Sonic was rather nothing-ish back in the day x3

Of course then that theme song kicks in. It still makes me cringe. Far to girly even for me. But this update is at least… better. Now as for the characters. Again, more interesting than they should be. Even characters like Rarity or Fluttershy (may fav of the group x3) Could be FAR girlier then they are. Also, like most boys watching this show, I love Spike. He looks cute, acts cute, and sounds cccuuuttteeeee.

Now the few ep’s I’ve seen… Well it’s a kid sow no doubt. But it’s a good one. Far less girly then you would guess, good plot, decent humors. But chance are, they’ll be thing you like and hate, and others may not agree. It’s one of those special shows were everyone takes what they want from it. For instances. Lots of people love Pinkie Pie. She irks me more than any of the others x3.

Basically, maybe not worth ALL the hype it gets, but it’s really worth a look to anyone who’s a fan of good kid shows, especially if you still look back at the ones from the late 80’s to 90’s. So hey, give it a shot, see what all the hype is about, love it, hate it x3 it’s background alone is worth a look.

Ya going to AC? why not try, can't lose anything x3 http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2349945/

Go here o.o http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5756837/