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About this Xbox thing...
Posted 12 years agoI really don't need to reiterate all the screeching and wailing that has gone on today, so I'll just say this:
If you don't like draconian DRM, don't buy products that include it.
'nuff sed.
If you don't like draconian DRM, don't buy products that include it.
'nuff sed.
STAR TREK: repairing the timeline
Posted 12 years agoHere's how to repair the timeline and fit the Abrams TREK films into continuity, once and for all.
This needs to be the first scene of the next Star Trek movie:
ESTABLISHING SHOT - SPACE - EXT
The bulky shape of the new Abrams Enterprise is facing off against an entire squadron of Klingon ships. They swarm in from all sides, riding on a crescendo of orchestration.
cut to:
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
Between lens flares, we see the lanky, scruffy-headed form of New Kirk™ sprawled casually across the captain's chair, at Bridge center.
Uhura: Captain, we're being hailed.
New Kirk™: Onscreen, baby.
The face of a Klingon military leader appears on the main bridge viewscreen. He is battle-scarred, coated in sweat, and foaming at the mouth slightly. He points a taloned finger at New Kirk™ and snarls
Klingon General: We have you outgunned one thousand to one. I give you this one chance to surrender before we blast you out of the stars!
New Kirk™: Fuck you.
Klingon General: You will not surrender?
New Kirk™: Aw hells no!
New Kirk™ slides a pair of sunglasses on and strikes a gangsta pose.
New Kirk™: I'm James. T. muthafukkin KIRK, Bitch! BOOM!
New Kirk™ slaps his hand down on a big, shiny red button, that reads simply BOOM.
NEW ENTERPRISE EXTERIOR - SPACE
A giant rocket flies out of the center of the Enterprise's deflector dish, blowing up the Klingon general's ship. A chain reaction begins, as each exploding Klingon ship causes the next one to likewise explode. They go off like a string of over-sized firecrackers, spewing fire and wreckage in all directions, and in slow motion to the backing vocalization of a chanting choir.
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
New Kirk™: Yeeeeeah! That's what I'm talkin about!
At this point, a silhouette stands up, as if a man sitting in the audience in front of the viewer has risen to their feet. He begins to nudge his way along, attempting to leave the theater row where he has been sitting. It is clearly the silhouette of Captain Kirk, as played by William Shatner. Behind him, as the movie continues to play, we see scenes of New Kirk™ snogging with Uhura, as rave-lighting pops open from hidden panels, and loud dance music begins filling the bridge. On the movie screen, Enterprise personnel begin tearing their clothes off and dancing.
Kirk: Excuse me! I need to leave! I think I'm going to be sick! Excuse me!
A second silhouette rises to it's feet in his wake. This is recognizably the silhouette of Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock:
Spock: Captain?
EXT - MOVIE THEATER AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS
A crowd of futuristic press surround the theater as Kirk and Spock exit, camera drones swooping around, flashbulbs popping. A wave of reporters jam in from all sides, microphones at the ready. Kirk and Spock pause near a poster for STAR TREK 3; The Kirkening, NOW PLAYING. Kirk shakes his head in disbelief and attempts to move on, through the crowd.
Spock: Were you not enjoying the film, Captain?
Kirk: They got it wrong! They got it completely wrong! The ship, the crew...and their portrayal of me, well...
Spock: The film was not entirely without merit.
Kirk: You would say that, they gave you a cameo!
Reporter 01: How inaccurate was it, Captain Kirk?
Kirk: Completely. it was never like that. WE were never like that.
A camera drone coasts in, lens on Kirk's face. Kirk turns and looks directly into the camera.
ANGLE: through the camera drone's lens. A pictographic overlay reads CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK.
Reporter 02: Then how was it, really? Tell us!
Kirk gazes out through the lens, directly at the audience. A weary gaze that mixes both anguish and hope. Every tough decision the man has ever had to make in his entire starfleet career is etched in the lines of his face. He steels himself, and speaks...
Kirk: It was like this...
Launch into OPENING CREDITS
This needs to be the first scene of the next Star Trek movie:
ESTABLISHING SHOT - SPACE - EXT
The bulky shape of the new Abrams Enterprise is facing off against an entire squadron of Klingon ships. They swarm in from all sides, riding on a crescendo of orchestration.
cut to:
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
Between lens flares, we see the lanky, scruffy-headed form of New Kirk™ sprawled casually across the captain's chair, at Bridge center.
Uhura: Captain, we're being hailed.
New Kirk™: Onscreen, baby.
The face of a Klingon military leader appears on the main bridge viewscreen. He is battle-scarred, coated in sweat, and foaming at the mouth slightly. He points a taloned finger at New Kirk™ and snarls
Klingon General: We have you outgunned one thousand to one. I give you this one chance to surrender before we blast you out of the stars!
New Kirk™: Fuck you.
Klingon General: You will not surrender?
New Kirk™: Aw hells no!
New Kirk™ slides a pair of sunglasses on and strikes a gangsta pose.
New Kirk™: I'm James. T. muthafukkin KIRK, Bitch! BOOM!
New Kirk™ slaps his hand down on a big, shiny red button, that reads simply BOOM.
NEW ENTERPRISE EXTERIOR - SPACE
A giant rocket flies out of the center of the Enterprise's deflector dish, blowing up the Klingon general's ship. A chain reaction begins, as each exploding Klingon ship causes the next one to likewise explode. They go off like a string of over-sized firecrackers, spewing fire and wreckage in all directions, and in slow motion to the backing vocalization of a chanting choir.
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
New Kirk™: Yeeeeeah! That's what I'm talkin about!
At this point, a silhouette stands up, as if a man sitting in the audience in front of the viewer has risen to their feet. He begins to nudge his way along, attempting to leave the theater row where he has been sitting. It is clearly the silhouette of Captain Kirk, as played by William Shatner. Behind him, as the movie continues to play, we see scenes of New Kirk™ snogging with Uhura, as rave-lighting pops open from hidden panels, and loud dance music begins filling the bridge. On the movie screen, Enterprise personnel begin tearing their clothes off and dancing.
Kirk: Excuse me! I need to leave! I think I'm going to be sick! Excuse me!
A second silhouette rises to it's feet in his wake. This is recognizably the silhouette of Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock:
Spock: Captain?
EXT - MOVIE THEATER AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS
A crowd of futuristic press surround the theater as Kirk and Spock exit, camera drones swooping around, flashbulbs popping. A wave of reporters jam in from all sides, microphones at the ready. Kirk and Spock pause near a poster for STAR TREK 3; The Kirkening, NOW PLAYING. Kirk shakes his head in disbelief and attempts to move on, through the crowd.
Spock: Were you not enjoying the film, Captain?
Kirk: They got it wrong! They got it completely wrong! The ship, the crew...and their portrayal of me, well...
Spock: The film was not entirely without merit.
Kirk: You would say that, they gave you a cameo!
Reporter 01: How inaccurate was it, Captain Kirk?
Kirk: Completely. it was never like that. WE were never like that.
A camera drone coasts in, lens on Kirk's face. Kirk turns and looks directly into the camera.
ANGLE: through the camera drone's lens. A pictographic overlay reads CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK.
Reporter 02: Then how was it, really? Tell us!
Kirk gazes out through the lens, directly at the audience. A weary gaze that mixes both anguish and hope. Every tough decision the man has ever had to make in his entire starfleet career is etched in the lines of his face. He steels himself, and speaks...
Kirk: It was like this...
Launch into OPENING CREDITS
A robot walks into a bar...
Posted 12 years agoLet's talk a little bit about comedy.
I need a new journal, since the one from my birthday is still sitting on my page like a stale potato. It's time for an update, and this seems like as good a topic as any.
This actually stems from a viewing the other day of the Trek Next Gen episode "The Outrageous Okona" in which electric robot man Mr. Data decides he wants to understand this human thing called humor. And to facilitate his education, Whoopie Goldberg helps him whip up a guest appearance from a hologramatic Joe Piscopo, who then goes on to do a lot of silly things, while not explaining how comedy works at all.
As usually happens when watching this episode, I found myself wondering if this was a blatant choice by the writer, or if the writer was simply incapable of explaining the subject. The plot (as it tends to when the point is to showcase how Mr Data just doesn't get the whole "being human" thing) requires that Data be incapable of understanding the topic. But, I believe that realistically, Data should not only be able to understand comedy, but make use of it. Because the method by which comedy works is fairly simple, and almost mathematical.
But then, if anyone had explained that to Data, we wouldn't have gotten scenes of him badly hamming it up with a prop cigar.
So, what is this thing called comedy, and how does it work?
It all boils down to one word: Subversion.
Comedy is, by it's very nature, subversive.
You create an expectation (or take a pre-existing understanding), and then you subvert it.
This is why jokes contain the components of a setup, and a punchline. The setup creates an expectation, and the punchline subverts it.
I've written a little about this in the past, specifically in regards to comic strips:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3951958/
But the format is essentially true of all forms of humor, from puns, to knock-knock jokes, to rickrolling - The dichotomy between the expected result, and the unexpected payoff is what tickles the brain.
If Data is capable of perceiving associations between concepts, which he clearly is, then he should be able to see how to subvert one concept with another, and thereby not just create a joke, but tell it in a way that works.
Because comedy is basically a logic puzzle.
And as a computer, his timing should be perfect.
I need a new journal, since the one from my birthday is still sitting on my page like a stale potato. It's time for an update, and this seems like as good a topic as any.
This actually stems from a viewing the other day of the Trek Next Gen episode "The Outrageous Okona" in which electric robot man Mr. Data decides he wants to understand this human thing called humor. And to facilitate his education, Whoopie Goldberg helps him whip up a guest appearance from a hologramatic Joe Piscopo, who then goes on to do a lot of silly things, while not explaining how comedy works at all.
As usually happens when watching this episode, I found myself wondering if this was a blatant choice by the writer, or if the writer was simply incapable of explaining the subject. The plot (as it tends to when the point is to showcase how Mr Data just doesn't get the whole "being human" thing) requires that Data be incapable of understanding the topic. But, I believe that realistically, Data should not only be able to understand comedy, but make use of it. Because the method by which comedy works is fairly simple, and almost mathematical.
But then, if anyone had explained that to Data, we wouldn't have gotten scenes of him badly hamming it up with a prop cigar.
So, what is this thing called comedy, and how does it work?
It all boils down to one word: Subversion.
Comedy is, by it's very nature, subversive.
You create an expectation (or take a pre-existing understanding), and then you subvert it.
This is why jokes contain the components of a setup, and a punchline. The setup creates an expectation, and the punchline subverts it.
I've written a little about this in the past, specifically in regards to comic strips:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3951958/
But the format is essentially true of all forms of humor, from puns, to knock-knock jokes, to rickrolling - The dichotomy between the expected result, and the unexpected payoff is what tickles the brain.
If Data is capable of perceiving associations between concepts, which he clearly is, then he should be able to see how to subvert one concept with another, and thereby not just create a joke, but tell it in a way that works.
Because comedy is basically a logic puzzle.
And as a computer, his timing should be perfect.
43
Posted 12 years agoApril 16.
My birthday.
Made it to 43.
Lets hope I can keep this up.
My birthday.
Made it to 43.
Lets hope I can keep this up.
February Commissions CLOSED
Posted 12 years agoYou asked for it, you got it.
Commissions are once again open. And just like last time, I'm opening five slots. First come, first serve..
I have, however, removed one of the previous rules... The two-character limit has been dumped for now. If you're willing to pay for multiple characters, I'll draw multiple characters. Just realize that one character = one slot.
Same rules as always:
COST:
Inked:
$20 per character
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/
Color:
$25 per character
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/
RULES:
PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.
1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).
If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.
Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.
I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.
A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.
Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.
And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.
And away we go...
1.
helsy COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10033493/
2.
zeddxvash COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10115686/
3.
cadpigjr COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/10139031/
4.
maxx001 COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10176784/
5.
majike COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10304460/
Commissions are once again open. And just like last time, I'm opening five slots. First come, first serve..
I have, however, removed one of the previous rules... The two-character limit has been dumped for now. If you're willing to pay for multiple characters, I'll draw multiple characters. Just realize that one character = one slot.
Same rules as always:
COST:
Inked:
$20 per character
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/
Color:
$25 per character
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/
RULES:
PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.
1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).
If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.
Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.
I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.
A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.
Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.
And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.
And away we go...
1.
helsy COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/10033493/
2.
zeddxvash COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/10115686/
3.
cadpigjr COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/full/10139031/
4.
maxx001 COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/10176784/
5.
majike COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/10304460/
Today's fun computer fact
Posted 12 years ago...The first piece of art ever drawn on a computer was sexy pin-up art.
http://www.theatlantic.com/technolo.....y-dame/267439/
http://www.theatlantic.com/technolo.....y-dame/267439/
January Comissions CLOSED
Posted 13 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4200036/
All commissions slots for January are filled.
Come back next month.
All commissions slots for January are filled.
Come back next month.
Blue Monday
Posted 13 years agoToday is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_M.....day_%28date%29
So chin up, it's all uphill from here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_M.....day_%28date%29
So chin up, it's all uphill from here.
Need any ADOBE products?
Posted 13 years agoAdobe just set up a page where you can download all their CS2 software for free, with serial numbers.
That includes Photoshop.
http://www.adobe.com/downloads/cs2_.....ads/index.html
That includes Photoshop.
http://www.adobe.com/downloads/cs2_.....ads/index.html
January Commissions CLOSED
Posted 13 years agoIt's a whole new year. And it's a whole new deal.
After a suggestion from another artist, I will be opening a limited number of commission slots each month. This should prevent the need for the sort of hectic, herculean 20-at-once commission piles I've put myself through in the past whenever an emergency cropped up. And it should also be more convenient for you folks.
So, for January, as an inaugural test, I'm going to open five slots. And only five slots. First come, first serve.
Same rules as always:
COST:
Inked:
$20 per character, two character MAXIMUM.
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/
Color:
$25 per character, two character MAXIMUM
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/
RULES:
PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.
1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).
If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.
Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.
I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.
A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.
Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.
And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.
And away we go...
1.
foxxiesoftpaws COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9732314/
2.
winkin
3. winkin
4. winkin
5. winkin COLOR /PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9949689/
After a suggestion from another artist, I will be opening a limited number of commission slots each month. This should prevent the need for the sort of hectic, herculean 20-at-once commission piles I've put myself through in the past whenever an emergency cropped up. And it should also be more convenient for you folks.
So, for January, as an inaugural test, I'm going to open five slots. And only five slots. First come, first serve.
Same rules as always:
COST:
Inked:
$20 per character, two character MAXIMUM.
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/
Color:
$25 per character, two character MAXIMUM
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/
RULES:
PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.
1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).
If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.
Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.
I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.
A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.
Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.
And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.
And away we go...
1.
foxxiesoftpaws COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9732314/
2.
winkin3.
winkin4.
winkin5.
winkin COLOR /PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9949689/
Top Gear USA
Posted 13 years ago...it really is quite awful, isn't it?
England, why do you keep letting America ruin your best shows?
England, why do you keep letting America ruin your best shows?
I saw the saddest thing, last night
Posted 13 years agoDuring a round of Christmas shopping, and against my better judgement, I ended up at the local mall.
Within, I discovered that the record store I had intended to visit had not only closed, but had been replaced - by a Microsoft store.
I hadn't intended to set foot inside it, but my traveling companion, an avowed tech geek, made a beeline towards it's Metro-bedecked interior. He was curious, I ended up being pulled along in his wake.
As video screens on all sides bombarded us with propaganda about Windows 8, I found an analogy bubbling to the surface of my brain. I stood there, surrounded on all sides by a completely Microsoft environment, and it all clicked. I finally *got* Microsoft. Completely, and utterly.
You know how, whenever there's a hot children's film in the theaters, be it from Disney, PIXAR, or what-have-you... how a bunch of cut-rate Korean animators will quickly throw-together, and rush out a trash-budget copy of it? You'll be in a store and there it will be, looking just different enough to avoid a lawsuit, but close enough to fool the unwary.
Kung Fu Panda? NO! Chop Kick Panda!
CARS? NO! Little Cars!
A Bug's Life? NO! A Bug Story!
...and so forth.
Microsoft is the technology equivalent of those cut-budget animation studios. Whatever the cutting-edge tech item of the moment is, they always, and without fail, throw together their own cut-budget copy, which is just different enough to avoid a lawsuit, and rush it out onto the market.
When it was Mac OS, out came Windows
When it was Netscape Navigator - along came Internet Explorer
When the iPod happened, they barfed up a Zune
Google? NO! BING!
...and so forth.
And as the current hot items are apple iDevices, of course they've got to have one of those too.
So, we get Microsoft Surface, which isn't quite an iPad, as it has a flimsy, easily destroyed "keyboard" flap attached to it.
And Windows 8, which isn't quite iOS, as getting around the lawsuit this time meant removing any vestige of usability.
...And we also get the Microsoft store, which is where this tale actually began.
So what was it that cemented these random thoughts into a cohesive understanding?
Well, you see, we also have an Apple Store, and we have had it for quite awhile now. And as I have been inside it on numerous occasions to buy things (cases and protective film for my iPod Touch) I had become well-versed in the layout and atmosphere contained within. And the somewhat different manner with which it operates from most every other store (every salesperson is a cash register, courtesy of a gadget on a lanyard around their necks.)
And Microsoft have done it, once again. What we get is just different enough to avoid the lawsuit - which in this case meant doing away with muted, subtle simplicity, and flooding the walls with the visual assault of all those aforementioned video propaganda displays.
But, They have the same product tables.
The same arrangement of products on those tables.
The same floor layout and store floorplan.
The salespeople are dressed up in apple store uniforms, right down to the gadget on a lanyard around the neck.
They basically took an apple store. Crossed out APPLE and wrote MICROSOFT over it in Biro.
And sadly, it really is the perfect store for them. An ideal representation.
A solid testament to their corporate vision.
MICROSOFT: Just different enough to avoid the lawsuit.
I wonder what they'll copy next.
Within, I discovered that the record store I had intended to visit had not only closed, but had been replaced - by a Microsoft store.
I hadn't intended to set foot inside it, but my traveling companion, an avowed tech geek, made a beeline towards it's Metro-bedecked interior. He was curious, I ended up being pulled along in his wake.
As video screens on all sides bombarded us with propaganda about Windows 8, I found an analogy bubbling to the surface of my brain. I stood there, surrounded on all sides by a completely Microsoft environment, and it all clicked. I finally *got* Microsoft. Completely, and utterly.
You know how, whenever there's a hot children's film in the theaters, be it from Disney, PIXAR, or what-have-you... how a bunch of cut-rate Korean animators will quickly throw-together, and rush out a trash-budget copy of it? You'll be in a store and there it will be, looking just different enough to avoid a lawsuit, but close enough to fool the unwary.
Kung Fu Panda? NO! Chop Kick Panda!
CARS? NO! Little Cars!
A Bug's Life? NO! A Bug Story!
...and so forth.
Microsoft is the technology equivalent of those cut-budget animation studios. Whatever the cutting-edge tech item of the moment is, they always, and without fail, throw together their own cut-budget copy, which is just different enough to avoid a lawsuit, and rush it out onto the market.
When it was Mac OS, out came Windows
When it was Netscape Navigator - along came Internet Explorer
When the iPod happened, they barfed up a Zune
Google? NO! BING!
...and so forth.
And as the current hot items are apple iDevices, of course they've got to have one of those too.
So, we get Microsoft Surface, which isn't quite an iPad, as it has a flimsy, easily destroyed "keyboard" flap attached to it.
And Windows 8, which isn't quite iOS, as getting around the lawsuit this time meant removing any vestige of usability.
...And we also get the Microsoft store, which is where this tale actually began.
So what was it that cemented these random thoughts into a cohesive understanding?
Well, you see, we also have an Apple Store, and we have had it for quite awhile now. And as I have been inside it on numerous occasions to buy things (cases and protective film for my iPod Touch) I had become well-versed in the layout and atmosphere contained within. And the somewhat different manner with which it operates from most every other store (every salesperson is a cash register, courtesy of a gadget on a lanyard around their necks.)
And Microsoft have done it, once again. What we get is just different enough to avoid the lawsuit - which in this case meant doing away with muted, subtle simplicity, and flooding the walls with the visual assault of all those aforementioned video propaganda displays.
But, They have the same product tables.
The same arrangement of products on those tables.
The same floor layout and store floorplan.
The salespeople are dressed up in apple store uniforms, right down to the gadget on a lanyard around the neck.
They basically took an apple store. Crossed out APPLE and wrote MICROSOFT over it in Biro.
And sadly, it really is the perfect store for them. An ideal representation.
A solid testament to their corporate vision.
MICROSOFT: Just different enough to avoid the lawsuit.
I wonder what they'll copy next.
Xmas Commissions SOLD OUT
Posted 13 years agoAlrighty folks, commissions are closed.
I am sold out for the remainder of 2012.
Thanks to everyone who grabbed a commission. It was much appreciated.
The List:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4076846/
I am sold out for the remainder of 2012.
Thanks to everyone who grabbed a commission. It was much appreciated.
The List:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4076846/
Xmas Commissions CLOSED
Posted 13 years agoIt's that time of the year again - when I need to scrape together some extra bux, to cover the cost of xmas gifts for the family. So I am opening ten slots. First come, first serve.
COST:
Inked:
$20 per character, two character MAXIMUM.
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/
Color:
$25 per character, two character MAXIMUM
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3911610/
RULES:
PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.
1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).
If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.
Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.
I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.
A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.
Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.
And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.
And away we go...
01.
netreek INKS / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9406953/
02.
arcticsnow1 COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9428306/
03. foxxiesoftpaws COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/9442760/
04. arcticsnow1
05. arcticsnow1 COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/
06.
sledmetodeath COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9478328/
07.
smsfoxx COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9485333/
08. foxxiesoftpaws COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9506824/
09.
ianrsoulfox
10. ianrsoulfox COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9654980/
COST:
Inked:
$20 per character, two character MAXIMUM.
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/
Color:
$25 per character, two character MAXIMUM
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3911610/
RULES:
PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.
1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).
If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.
Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.
I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.
A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.
Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.
And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.
And away we go...
01.
netreek INKS / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9406953/
02.
arcticsnow1 COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9428306/
03.
foxxiesoftpaws COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/full/9442760/
04.
arcticsnow1 05.
arcticsnow1 COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/
06.
sledmetodeath COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9478328/
07.
smsfoxx COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9485333/
08.
foxxiesoftpaws COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9506824/
09.
ianrsoulfox10.
ianrsoulfox COLOR / PAID / DONEhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9654980/
EVIL TWIN: IT LIVES!
Posted 13 years agoI've done it. After many years of putting it off, I have joined the ranks of the web comic-ists...er.. web comic...guys. People.
Whatever.
http://eviltwin.comicgenesis.com/
EVIL TWIN: The webcomic, is GO!
Twice weekly (Tuesdays and Thursdays) join Talboc, Pleasure The Foozle, and occassionally Cobalt and Twinkle, for unethical tales of calamitous malevolence.
I should also add that while the strips which have been posted to FA will be making an appearance there, they will be salted with a few extra ones which are, as yet, unseen.
Make it a regular part of your week!
Whatever.
http://eviltwin.comicgenesis.com/
EVIL TWIN: The webcomic, is GO!
Twice weekly (Tuesdays and Thursdays) join Talboc, Pleasure The Foozle, and occassionally Cobalt and Twinkle, for unethical tales of calamitous malevolence.
I should also add that while the strips which have been posted to FA will be making an appearance there, they will be salted with a few extra ones which are, as yet, unseen.
Make it a regular part of your week!
Anyone here use Comic Genesis?
Posted 13 years agoSo, with these Evil Twin strips happening, I've started toying with an idea that's been rolling around in the back of my head for a few years. Namely, doing an actual webcomic.
Keenspot isn't accepting any new comics, it seems. Their website has a statement to that effect right on it. But they also have this thing called Comic Genesis:
www.comicgenesis.com
Does anybody out there use it? And if so, what's your experience like?
Are there any other hosts I should know about?
Keenspot isn't accepting any new comics, it seems. Their website has a statement to that effect right on it. But they also have this thing called Comic Genesis:
www.comicgenesis.com
Does anybody out there use it? And if so, what's your experience like?
Are there any other hosts I should know about?
Evil Twin strips updated
Posted 13 years agoI went back and redid the dot tint on strips 5&6, and added dot tint to #4. So now Talboc has the correct shading on them.
What a mess outside
Posted 13 years agoSun's up.
There's quite a mess outside, but I survived FRANKENSTORM2012 mostly unscathed. The only minor bit of damage we suffered came yesterday afternoon, when storm winds started pushing water in under the door that leads out to the back deck. And, as I live in the basement, my bed was directly under that leak. I ended up with about two gallons of water poured right onto it before we managed to correct the problem.
I ended up snoozing on the couch last night because of it.
from the looks of the news this morning, we got off easy.
Manhattan's looking somewhat Katrina-scale-fucked.
If you're out there in the middle of that mess, here's to hoping that things improve for you.
There's quite a mess outside, but I survived FRANKENSTORM2012 mostly unscathed. The only minor bit of damage we suffered came yesterday afternoon, when storm winds started pushing water in under the door that leads out to the back deck. And, as I live in the basement, my bed was directly under that leak. I ended up with about two gallons of water poured right onto it before we managed to correct the problem.
I ended up snoozing on the couch last night because of it.
from the looks of the news this morning, we got off easy.
Manhattan's looking somewhat Katrina-scale-fucked.
If you're out there in the middle of that mess, here's to hoping that things improve for you.
LIVE from the eye of the storm
Posted 13 years agoWell, it got here early.
I am in the eye of the storm.
it's gone all quiet outside right now, but winds are expected to pick back up in another 20 mins, but I wanted to poke my nose in and let folks know that so far, I'm ok.
The sky looks wicked scary outside right now. Tried taking a foto but all I get is black.
I am in the eye of the storm.
it's gone all quiet outside right now, but winds are expected to pick back up in another 20 mins, but I wanted to poke my nose in and let folks know that so far, I'm ok.
The sky looks wicked scary outside right now. Tried taking a foto but all I get is black.
Waiting for the hurricane...
Posted 13 years agoThe latest storm track shows Hurricane Sandy (and friends) arriving on my front porch at about 2am. That's about 18 hours from now. None of the talking heads on the video box are sure which way it's going to go, but everyone seems to agree, it'll pass just north of me, just south of me, or land in my yard.
Guess it wasn't such a great idea to get up on the roof last night and shout ALL GODS ARE BASTARDS at the sky.
ADDENDUM: I'm a couple miles outside of Wilmington, DE.
Mockingbird Lane - MUNSTERS 2012 - A Review
Posted 13 years agoSo, I've just made it halfway through this "reboot" of the Munsters, called Mockingbird Lane.
This one's been kind of a roller-coaster for me.
I am quite a fan of The Munsters.
And I'm not such a fan of previous reboot attempts.
Munsters has a similar problem to Star Trek: The actors have become so identified with the characters, that when you put another actor in that role, what you end up with is not an actor playing a character, it's an actor impersonating an actor playing a character. And it doesn't work. Because all the time that you're watching you're thinking, who is this guy pretending to be Fred Gwynne?
So, when I heard that once again, some network suit had green-lit another Munsters reboot, I was annoyed.
And then when I heard that it was going to be dark, violent, and horrifying, I completely wrote it off. As it seems, did the rest of the internet. There were a good number of stories on the web explaing just what a bad idea it sounded like.
And so, when I heard that the network had passed on the idea altogether, I was relieved.
And then I saw an ad for it, now reborn as a Halloween special, and suddenly, my interest was piqued again, because the ad made it look really quite funny. And it had Eddie Izzard in it.
So, I sat myself down and tried to watch it.
And what I've discovered is that whoever wrote this had no idea what makes The Munsters work.
What made The Munsters work was this: They looked horrible on the outside, but on the inside they were just your typical family. The show essentially worked as an allegory about xenophobia and racism. You can't judge a book by it's cover. You can't judge people based on the color of their skin, be they white, black or bright green. Not even if they have a flat head and bolts sticking out of their neck. Sure, people would get freaked out by Herman, but he was just a big lovable galoot who'd end up befuddled by why people seemed to treat him so differently from everyone else. Can't we all just get along?
And because they were lovable characters, their slightly freaky lifestyle came off as daffy and delightful. They were weird, but then isn't everybody in their own way? This was just their way.
So then, to this new incarnation. Where The Munsters look attractive on the outside, but are horrible people on the inside. It's a complete subversion of the format that made the show work, and while this might have been intended to be clever, it just ends up making the show not work.
It all goes wrong in the first scene.
The story starts with Eddie Munster murdering several kids in his his boy scout troop, while in full werewolf form. He drags them, one by one, screaming, into the shrubbery, as the rest flee for their lives.
And there's just no way back from that.
Comedy just doesn't work after that.
Is there nobody left in the TV industry who understands television?
What I'm seeing here shows no understanding of what comedy is, let alone how it works. In fact, I'm reminded of the failed Wonder Woman pilot. It is so similarly tone-deaf that even just calling it tone-deaf barely scratches the surface.
Everything about this reboot misses the mark completely. The characters aren't likable, let alone lovable.
I give them some points for not just having Actor-imprsonating-Al-Lewis-playing-Granpa-Munster. But, that's about the limit.
Herman is a relatively good-looking guy, albeit one with a huge scar across his neck which nobody he ever talks to even seems to notice.
Marylin, in the original series, was a gorgeous blonde girl, (very much in the style of her namesake, Marylin Monroe) who the rest of the family regarded as "that poor ugly kid" due to how normal she looked. In this version, she's as pretty-on-the-outside-and-ugly-on-the-inside as the rest of them, thus removing her one character trait.
Lilly is just "attractive brunette" rolled in from central casting. They surround her with special effects in every scene, in an apparent attempt to cover up the fact that the actress filling the role is doing little more than filling the role.
Grandpa is Eddie Izzard in a bathrobe. He is the one high point in this whole sad spectacle, but even he can't make this material funny. It almost seems like he wasn't hired to act, but rather to be a support rack for a British accent. You can tell he's doing his best, mugging for the camera, and trying to make something out of the role he's been given, but there's so little actual role that it just makes me sad for him.
And then there's Eddie. Average looking kid with mousey brown hair, who we just watched murder a bunch of children.
The storyline for the show seems to be "Eddie murders a bunch of kids. The rest of the family alternately attempt to cover up this fact, while trying to find a way to explain to Eddie that murder is okay."
These aren't The Munsters. They aren't people I want to spend any more time with than I already have.
I made it halfway through and just gave up.
I suppose I should be thankful that this one died more quickly than New Knight Rider did, but still - it's going to leave a bad taste that lingers.
This one's been kind of a roller-coaster for me.
I am quite a fan of The Munsters.
And I'm not such a fan of previous reboot attempts.
Munsters has a similar problem to Star Trek: The actors have become so identified with the characters, that when you put another actor in that role, what you end up with is not an actor playing a character, it's an actor impersonating an actor playing a character. And it doesn't work. Because all the time that you're watching you're thinking, who is this guy pretending to be Fred Gwynne?
So, when I heard that once again, some network suit had green-lit another Munsters reboot, I was annoyed.
And then when I heard that it was going to be dark, violent, and horrifying, I completely wrote it off. As it seems, did the rest of the internet. There were a good number of stories on the web explaing just what a bad idea it sounded like.
And so, when I heard that the network had passed on the idea altogether, I was relieved.
And then I saw an ad for it, now reborn as a Halloween special, and suddenly, my interest was piqued again, because the ad made it look really quite funny. And it had Eddie Izzard in it.
So, I sat myself down and tried to watch it.
And what I've discovered is that whoever wrote this had no idea what makes The Munsters work.
What made The Munsters work was this: They looked horrible on the outside, but on the inside they were just your typical family. The show essentially worked as an allegory about xenophobia and racism. You can't judge a book by it's cover. You can't judge people based on the color of their skin, be they white, black or bright green. Not even if they have a flat head and bolts sticking out of their neck. Sure, people would get freaked out by Herman, but he was just a big lovable galoot who'd end up befuddled by why people seemed to treat him so differently from everyone else. Can't we all just get along?
And because they were lovable characters, their slightly freaky lifestyle came off as daffy and delightful. They were weird, but then isn't everybody in their own way? This was just their way.
So then, to this new incarnation. Where The Munsters look attractive on the outside, but are horrible people on the inside. It's a complete subversion of the format that made the show work, and while this might have been intended to be clever, it just ends up making the show not work.
It all goes wrong in the first scene.
The story starts with Eddie Munster murdering several kids in his his boy scout troop, while in full werewolf form. He drags them, one by one, screaming, into the shrubbery, as the rest flee for their lives.
And there's just no way back from that.
Comedy just doesn't work after that.
Is there nobody left in the TV industry who understands television?
What I'm seeing here shows no understanding of what comedy is, let alone how it works. In fact, I'm reminded of the failed Wonder Woman pilot. It is so similarly tone-deaf that even just calling it tone-deaf barely scratches the surface.
Everything about this reboot misses the mark completely. The characters aren't likable, let alone lovable.
I give them some points for not just having Actor-imprsonating-Al-Lewis-playing-Granpa-Munster. But, that's about the limit.
Herman is a relatively good-looking guy, albeit one with a huge scar across his neck which nobody he ever talks to even seems to notice.
Marylin, in the original series, was a gorgeous blonde girl, (very much in the style of her namesake, Marylin Monroe) who the rest of the family regarded as "that poor ugly kid" due to how normal she looked. In this version, she's as pretty-on-the-outside-and-ugly-on-the-inside as the rest of them, thus removing her one character trait.
Lilly is just "attractive brunette" rolled in from central casting. They surround her with special effects in every scene, in an apparent attempt to cover up the fact that the actress filling the role is doing little more than filling the role.
Grandpa is Eddie Izzard in a bathrobe. He is the one high point in this whole sad spectacle, but even he can't make this material funny. It almost seems like he wasn't hired to act, but rather to be a support rack for a British accent. You can tell he's doing his best, mugging for the camera, and trying to make something out of the role he's been given, but there's so little actual role that it just makes me sad for him.
And then there's Eddie. Average looking kid with mousey brown hair, who we just watched murder a bunch of children.
The storyline for the show seems to be "Eddie murders a bunch of kids. The rest of the family alternately attempt to cover up this fact, while trying to find a way to explain to Eddie that murder is okay."
These aren't The Munsters. They aren't people I want to spend any more time with than I already have.
I made it halfway through and just gave up.
I suppose I should be thankful that this one died more quickly than New Knight Rider did, but still - it's going to leave a bad taste that lingers.
Thoughts On Writing Comic Strip Comedy
Posted 13 years agoHere are some thoughts on writing comedy for comic strips.
Jokes have a three act structure. Those three acts may be described thusly:
1) Introduce a situation
2) Create a repeating pattern from the situation
3) Break the pattern in an unexpected way (a.k.a: the punchline)
The comedy comes in step three, when the audience is forced into a little mental back-flip by the breaking of the pattern set up in acts 1&2.
This is why you see a lot of comic strips with three panels, because those three panels play directly to the structure outlined above. Setup, Repeat, Break. If you study the strips in your local paper, you'll likely see that any "gag" strip with three panels tends to follow this formula.
This is also one of the reasons why 3-panel comics tend to get stale after awhile. Whether it's Peanuts of Hagar, the 3-panel structure is all about the format. It's very rigid, and after awhile, repetitive.
Hence, the 4-panel comic.
While it's possible to follow the 3-act structure in a 4-panel strip, by stretching the first or second act across two panels, that extra panel also opens up an opportunity for a completely different kind of joke. This 4-panel style of gag is what you find in comics like Doonesbury, Bloom County and Calvin & Hobbes.
I tend to think of this style as the 1-2 punch. Because basically, it involves having two punchlines.
You lay out a three panel gag, as described above, but then you add on, in that fourth panel, a second gag.
This second gag can build on the previous panel - acting as an added emphasis on the original gag, or it can instead completely subvert it, allowing you to flip the audience's expectations not just once, but twice. There and back again.
The 4-panel layout therefore allows the writer a little more creative freedom, and by changing the style of joke from time to time, it allows a comic to be less formulaic, and less prone to becoming stale through repetition.
Comments?
Jokes have a three act structure. Those three acts may be described thusly:
1) Introduce a situation
2) Create a repeating pattern from the situation
3) Break the pattern in an unexpected way (a.k.a: the punchline)
The comedy comes in step three, when the audience is forced into a little mental back-flip by the breaking of the pattern set up in acts 1&2.
This is why you see a lot of comic strips with three panels, because those three panels play directly to the structure outlined above. Setup, Repeat, Break. If you study the strips in your local paper, you'll likely see that any "gag" strip with three panels tends to follow this formula.
This is also one of the reasons why 3-panel comics tend to get stale after awhile. Whether it's Peanuts of Hagar, the 3-panel structure is all about the format. It's very rigid, and after awhile, repetitive.
Hence, the 4-panel comic.
While it's possible to follow the 3-act structure in a 4-panel strip, by stretching the first or second act across two panels, that extra panel also opens up an opportunity for a completely different kind of joke. This 4-panel style of gag is what you find in comics like Doonesbury, Bloom County and Calvin & Hobbes.
I tend to think of this style as the 1-2 punch. Because basically, it involves having two punchlines.
You lay out a three panel gag, as described above, but then you add on, in that fourth panel, a second gag.
This second gag can build on the previous panel - acting as an added emphasis on the original gag, or it can instead completely subvert it, allowing you to flip the audience's expectations not just once, but twice. There and back again.
The 4-panel layout therefore allows the writer a little more creative freedom, and by changing the style of joke from time to time, it allows a comic to be less formulaic, and less prone to becoming stale through repetition.
Comments?
OPINIONS NEEDED - apply within
Posted 13 years agoSo, I've done a couple of these EVIL TWIN comic strips, and people seem to like them. But I've sort of defaulted to 1024 wide when uploading them.
My question is this: WHAT WOULD YOUR PREFERRED SIZE BE?
Stick to 1024 wide?
Something bigger?
1:1 might be a bit silly.
Basically, I'm open to suggestions, and since you're the likely audience, I figured I'd give you a say in it.
Comment away.
My question is this: WHAT WOULD YOUR PREFERRED SIZE BE?
Stick to 1024 wide?
Something bigger?
1:1 might be a bit silly.
Basically, I'm open to suggestions, and since you're the likely audience, I figured I'd give you a say in it.
Comment away.
A dig through Terry Gilliam's attic
Posted 13 years agoJust found this, and thought I'd pass it along. It's a bit fascinating:
http://hollydgilliam.blogspot.com/
Terry Gilliam's daughter has begun an attempt to clean up, archive and catalog all the various bits of junk that Terry Gilliam has accumulated in his attic over the years. And she's turned the project into a blog, giving us internet denizens a peek at some of the treasures that have turned up.
Among the various bits posted so far are script pages from Python films (containing both filmed and unfilmed scenes) and the flowery bits from the Flying Circus title sequence.
I'm glad some effort is afoot to look after these things. This stuff's of a deeply historic nature.
http://hollydgilliam.blogspot.com/
Terry Gilliam's daughter has begun an attempt to clean up, archive and catalog all the various bits of junk that Terry Gilliam has accumulated in his attic over the years. And she's turned the project into a blog, giving us internet denizens a peek at some of the treasures that have turned up.
Among the various bits posted so far are script pages from Python films (containing both filmed and unfilmed scenes) and the flowery bits from the Flying Circus title sequence.
I'm glad some effort is afoot to look after these things. This stuff's of a deeply historic nature.
Worst Doctor Who Novel EVAR
Posted 13 years agoI've just finished what is, quite possibly, the worst Doctor Who novel ever written.
Wolfsbane, by Jaqueline Rayner.
I'm probably being a bit unfair by saying that, but it's how I feel, after making it through to the last page. It's not very often I get to the back of a book and say out loud "WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" And to be honest, it's not the worst book I've ever read. But as a Doctor Who novel, it embodies all the worst aspects of the line of novels which spawned it.
Back in those dark days, before the revamped TV series hit the airwaves, bringing with it not just new TV adventures, but an excellent new line of books based on them, those late 90's / early 2000's books were the only official BBC Doctor Who product available, and tragically, they were created by members of, and written primarily for a fandom that didn't just have it's head rammed up its own backside, but was fractured practically in two as a result of it.
You had two camps: The Traditionalists, and the Radicals.
To my mind, what these two groups stood for were basically this:
Traditionalists: fans of the series, who wanted to write a Doctor Who novel.
Radicals: self-styled "geniuses" who wanted to do anything and everything except write a Doctor Who novel, and grudgingly allowed elements of Doctor Who to be admitted entry into their "art," so they could justify it being published with the logo on the cover. They are to good reading what the guy who smashes apart a kitchen chair, nails the bits back together, paints it black, and then sticks it in an art gallery with a thousand dollar price tag on it (because now it is the work of a genius), is to furniture refinishing. Calling it fanwank is a disservice to actual fanwank, which is at least created by people with a genuine affection for whatever series they're writing about.
It didn't help that whoever was acting as editor of the line at the time that this novel saw print, fell into this second camp, and happily allowed things to be published under their watch, that would have been better sent back with a rejection note, which simply read "You have actually heard of Doctor Who before, haven't you?"
So, we ended up with idiotic ideas like "Let's give The Doctor amnesia, so he doesn't know he's The Doctor, and we'll get rid of the TARDIS too, and then we don't have to even pretend we're writing Doctor Who anymore" used as the core concept for an entire arc of Paul McGann's 8th Doctor. And it's in the middle of this particular arc, that this book sits.
It also contains the 4th Doctor, Harry Sullivan, and Sarah Jane Smith, which is the only reason I agreed to crack it open in the first place. Though the 4th Doctor spends most of his time Not In The Book ™, conveniently off somewhere else, so that the author doesn't have to write about him, allowing her to concentrate on having Sarah and Harry run around not acting like Sarah and Harry.
And when he does appear, he's there primarily as a plot device, so everything he says and does is in service to the story, and contains little actual recognizable Doctor-like characterization. He is purely window dressing, present only to justify the logo on the cover.
The storyline in a nutshell (and unwrapping it back into some semblance of a coherent order, which the book doesn't bother with) goes like this. The 4th Doctor, Sarah and Harry are on their way back from the events of Revenge Of The Cybermen, headed towards the events of Terror Of The Zygons. Only they land in the wrong place and time, so while The 4th Doctor walks off to Not In The Book ™ for awhile (gosh, how convenient), Harry tells Sarah he's going to step out of the TARDIS and see where they are. Harry then does so, and immediately gets left behind when the Doctor takes off again.
And Harry runs into the amnesiac 8th Doctor. And werewolves happen. And The Holy Grail turns up. And Harry uses it to defeat the bad guy. And the 4th Doctor and Sarah (who have been wandering around two weeks in the future, thinking Harry was dead, only to be told that he isn't, and that they themselves appeared to take him away again) appear and take him away again, and then..
...and then there's this train-wreck of a conclusion, where rather than end the story with an actual plot resolution, we're given a bizarre multiple-choice that seemingly, we're supposed to pick our favorite from. These include such gems as "Harry turns into a werewolf in the TARDIS and murders Sarah Jane, then The 4th Doctor murders Harry, and later commiserates to The Brigadier that 'they're never coming back'" or "Harry Sullivan does not turn into a werewolf in the TARDIS, but instead waits until he gets back to England, where he spends the rest of his life running around murdering lots of people and nobody ever figures out that it's him." In short, pissing all over series continuity, just for the hell of it, and not just once but over and over again. Take that, fans of Doctor Who!
There's also a scene on the end that must be part of the amnesiac story arc, because it doesn't make a blind bit of sense on its own. Something about the 8th doctor later being spotted by one of the story's incidental characters in a bookshop wearing an eye-patch and a fake mustache, and something about an infinite number of universes, and that's pretty much it.
It starts off bad, gets tedious in the middle, then piles into the tarmac, leaving behind a dented mangle of flaming wreckage where there was supposed to be a plot resolution.
Looking back on it all now, the feeling I'm left with is a bit like the feeling I used to get from a really bad cash-in videogame cartridge. There were a lot of those released in the 80's. Like, you've got a game which has The Goonies written on it, and pictures of The Goonies cast on the box, but the game has little to do with anything in the actual movie. You're not hunting pirate treasure, you're chasing Dracula around a graveyard. And this is basically because they already had the Dracula In A Graveyard game written and just stuck a The Goonies Logo onto it, because that way it would sell more copies.
In conclusion, I heartily recommend The English Way of Death, or The Well-Mannered War both by Gareth Roberts.
They are brilliant, in a way that Wolfbane isn't, but sure thinks it is.
Wolfsbane, by Jaqueline Rayner.
I'm probably being a bit unfair by saying that, but it's how I feel, after making it through to the last page. It's not very often I get to the back of a book and say out loud "WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" And to be honest, it's not the worst book I've ever read. But as a Doctor Who novel, it embodies all the worst aspects of the line of novels which spawned it.
Back in those dark days, before the revamped TV series hit the airwaves, bringing with it not just new TV adventures, but an excellent new line of books based on them, those late 90's / early 2000's books were the only official BBC Doctor Who product available, and tragically, they were created by members of, and written primarily for a fandom that didn't just have it's head rammed up its own backside, but was fractured practically in two as a result of it.
You had two camps: The Traditionalists, and the Radicals.
To my mind, what these two groups stood for were basically this:
Traditionalists: fans of the series, who wanted to write a Doctor Who novel.
Radicals: self-styled "geniuses" who wanted to do anything and everything except write a Doctor Who novel, and grudgingly allowed elements of Doctor Who to be admitted entry into their "art," so they could justify it being published with the logo on the cover. They are to good reading what the guy who smashes apart a kitchen chair, nails the bits back together, paints it black, and then sticks it in an art gallery with a thousand dollar price tag on it (because now it is the work of a genius), is to furniture refinishing. Calling it fanwank is a disservice to actual fanwank, which is at least created by people with a genuine affection for whatever series they're writing about.
It didn't help that whoever was acting as editor of the line at the time that this novel saw print, fell into this second camp, and happily allowed things to be published under their watch, that would have been better sent back with a rejection note, which simply read "You have actually heard of Doctor Who before, haven't you?"
So, we ended up with idiotic ideas like "Let's give The Doctor amnesia, so he doesn't know he's The Doctor, and we'll get rid of the TARDIS too, and then we don't have to even pretend we're writing Doctor Who anymore" used as the core concept for an entire arc of Paul McGann's 8th Doctor. And it's in the middle of this particular arc, that this book sits.
It also contains the 4th Doctor, Harry Sullivan, and Sarah Jane Smith, which is the only reason I agreed to crack it open in the first place. Though the 4th Doctor spends most of his time Not In The Book ™, conveniently off somewhere else, so that the author doesn't have to write about him, allowing her to concentrate on having Sarah and Harry run around not acting like Sarah and Harry.
And when he does appear, he's there primarily as a plot device, so everything he says and does is in service to the story, and contains little actual recognizable Doctor-like characterization. He is purely window dressing, present only to justify the logo on the cover.
The storyline in a nutshell (and unwrapping it back into some semblance of a coherent order, which the book doesn't bother with) goes like this. The 4th Doctor, Sarah and Harry are on their way back from the events of Revenge Of The Cybermen, headed towards the events of Terror Of The Zygons. Only they land in the wrong place and time, so while The 4th Doctor walks off to Not In The Book ™ for awhile (gosh, how convenient), Harry tells Sarah he's going to step out of the TARDIS and see where they are. Harry then does so, and immediately gets left behind when the Doctor takes off again.
And Harry runs into the amnesiac 8th Doctor. And werewolves happen. And The Holy Grail turns up. And Harry uses it to defeat the bad guy. And the 4th Doctor and Sarah (who have been wandering around two weeks in the future, thinking Harry was dead, only to be told that he isn't, and that they themselves appeared to take him away again) appear and take him away again, and then..
...and then there's this train-wreck of a conclusion, where rather than end the story with an actual plot resolution, we're given a bizarre multiple-choice that seemingly, we're supposed to pick our favorite from. These include such gems as "Harry turns into a werewolf in the TARDIS and murders Sarah Jane, then The 4th Doctor murders Harry, and later commiserates to The Brigadier that 'they're never coming back'" or "Harry Sullivan does not turn into a werewolf in the TARDIS, but instead waits until he gets back to England, where he spends the rest of his life running around murdering lots of people and nobody ever figures out that it's him." In short, pissing all over series continuity, just for the hell of it, and not just once but over and over again. Take that, fans of Doctor Who!
There's also a scene on the end that must be part of the amnesiac story arc, because it doesn't make a blind bit of sense on its own. Something about the 8th doctor later being spotted by one of the story's incidental characters in a bookshop wearing an eye-patch and a fake mustache, and something about an infinite number of universes, and that's pretty much it.
It starts off bad, gets tedious in the middle, then piles into the tarmac, leaving behind a dented mangle of flaming wreckage where there was supposed to be a plot resolution.
Looking back on it all now, the feeling I'm left with is a bit like the feeling I used to get from a really bad cash-in videogame cartridge. There were a lot of those released in the 80's. Like, you've got a game which has The Goonies written on it, and pictures of The Goonies cast on the box, but the game has little to do with anything in the actual movie. You're not hunting pirate treasure, you're chasing Dracula around a graveyard. And this is basically because they already had the Dracula In A Graveyard game written and just stuck a The Goonies Logo onto it, because that way it would sell more copies.
In conclusion, I heartily recommend The English Way of Death, or The Well-Mannered War both by Gareth Roberts.
They are brilliant, in a way that Wolfbane isn't, but sure thinks it is.
