Thinking about maybe uploading my stuff here again. Maybe I'll look into it this weekend if I can get some time.

Been feeling weird lately. Debating on if i wanna keep myself involved with the furry world...

i mean.. i DO wanna stay in.. but should I? Ive seen so many people I used to talk to just up and delete their FA and basically vanish from the fandom wholesale.. and that makes me think: Am I getting too old for this? Should I leave? When should I leave? How will I know when its time to go.. ?

I like the art and stuff, but the community these days... scares me. Not literally, but I just... the fandom doesnt hold the same feelings it used to. It just kinda feels.. I dunno.. forced?

I have so much art that I've never posted here because the drive to do so just.. isnt there. It just leaves me feeling like "Whats the point"?

I dunno. I mean.. I like the art and the creativity and I love being able to create fun and interesting characters and stories... But sometimes I just feel... i dunno.. isolated... ?

I've watched so many friends disappear. And many others turn on me. And others just fade away entirely. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

On top of that.. It feels weird knowing I have a pup of my own now and still be involved in the fandom just because of what it is...

I dunno. I just needed some kinda way to vent. Perhaps I'm just being too nostalgic for my own good... Times were simpler then... I always used to feel like a superstar in this fandom, like I was always on top of the world, confident and cocky and so eager for anything and everything... Warranted or not, it just felt... good being here. People knew my characters by name, and it would always make my heart swell seeing people say how much they loved seeing Cobalt or Chloe or whoever...

I havent felt that in a long time. Makes me worry I'm losing my edge... and worse, it makes me worry that I'm getting too old and boring for this place, which in turn only makes me feel like I shouldnt be here...

My notes inbox here spans 16 years into the past. Reading those old notes... I Remember each and every one of them. The excitement of getting new art, of meeting new people in this wild, exciting place. I remember going to AnthroCon in 2009 and sitting out front of the hotel with people I'd never met, laughing and telling jokes, playing music and singing songs, where the only badge you needed to wear to a con was the one showing your online characters face and name...

I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic... Dont get me wrong, I wouldnt trade my life right now for anything: I'm married, I own a home, I have a son, and I make great money doing what I do... I guess I just feel like the fandom is a hobby that's been getting away from me in a way I cant control...

Even worse... I've seen so many amazing artists I used to look up to and commission just... close shop and quit the fandom entirely... It breaks my heart to see such amazing talent get pulled out of the community, as well as losing some of those relationships in general... But that only makes me wonder: Is there a point where the fandom just... doesnt appeal to people anymore? Is that a normal thing?

Maybe thats just how life is... Or maybe I'm just getting old...

Sooo...

I know I dont use this site much, but its still probably the site with my largest amount of "followers', if I can call you all that...

So... you've probably noticed that I've been gone for a whiiiiile...

Truth is, I've been getting ready. On Wednesday, the 18th of December, my first child, a son, will be born.

This is our third attempt, and so far, everything is looking great.

It's hard to describe the feelings. Excited, nervous, terrified, and beyond joyful.

But yeah! Wanted to drop this here for you all to know!

I have tons and tons of art sitting stored away. After what happened with my FA account getting banned for a year and then having the entire account WIPED without my permission or control, I just never really saw the appeal of putting all the work in to re-upload literally over a decade of art.

I've got lots of new art in the past couple years, but again... is it even worth doing? Is it worth taking all the time to upload everything when it can be wiped without warning or chance of appeal?

Should I even bother? Would anyone care?

The old account is gone. PM me here for the new account name if you want to add me!

A warning to anyone I have added on Discord. My account was hacked and STOLEN from me last night. DO NOT INTERACT with anything that comes from that account. I will send an all-clear here once I have it restored.

Hey everyone!

Just dropping in to say... IM MARRIED!

You probably know what is happening to Ukraine right now. Please pay attention to my friends, they need support 🤍

• 1IO
-> https://www.furaffinity.net/view/46111583/

• B.Koal
->https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10141455/


There's also a whole list of people who really need your help right now:

⬇️⬇️⬇️
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10138995/

I love you.

Hey guys,
Just an FYI I’m still here. I’m seeing some characters pop up that are strikingly similar to my own right down to the name and accessories. Not sure what that’s about. Are people just hoping I’m gone so they can steal my character or something?

Yeah I’m not gone. I’m still here.

Thank you all for your overwhelming support upon my return.

Honestly, I didnt expect this level of positivity upon news of me coming back to FA...

My worldview in regards to the fandom is not what it used to be, but you have all given me sound advice.

With that, I will do as I must and continue on.

It might be a little while before I post more art on this page, NSFW specifically..

But rest assured... It will be uploaded at some point.

Thank you all.

I don't normally make journals like this, but... I need advice.

When I was first banned from FA, I was convinced it was going to be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me. I used to check FA multiple times every day. I used to post regularly, and my posts were always so detailed and vibrant. I used to put tons of work into every single submission I posted. I wanted everyone to feel the excitement and happiness that I felt in my commissions...

The past 14 months have been like nothing I could have ever imagined. For those who dont know, I was accused of being a pedophile by someone I thought was a friend because I refused to date them (and NO, this IS NOT a callout post - context is important). They sent police after me and pulled me into a two month investigation in an attempt to take my job, my family, and my freedom away from me. State police arrived at my house not 24 hours after this person had accused me. They confiscated all my equipment, leaving me with nothing but a cell phone for two months. I spent nearly two months in a constant state of panic. My thoughts circled around a single, terrifying thought.. what if there was illegal content on my computer that I didnt even KNOW about?! The paranoia I experienced was unlike anything I've ever been through. I didnt sleep. I barely ate. My social life shriveled to nothing. I would jolt out of what little sleep I had panicking that police were coming to knock my door down and drag me out of my own home at a moments notice.

As would be expected from literally anyone that knows me, the investigation I was forced to suffer through turned up zero evidence supporting the claims levied against me. The full police report detailing the investigation was released about a month later, and even though I was legally in the clear, the court of public opinion in places like Twitter had made up their mind. I endured 6 months or so of constant harassment day in and day out. I would get dozens of DM's every single day telling me how I should be thrown in jail or killed for something I didnt do. This spanned across Twitter, Telegram, Discord, text, voicemails, and pretty much every other method of communication I had, mostly from people I didnt even know, all of them furries.

As soon as the investigation had ended, I posted the results, including the full police report, to my twitter page, but that did nothing. And just when I thought things were going to get better, I was banned from FA for being "Alt right", something I will deny to this day. So thats why I had disappeared for an entire year. On top of that, while my page was locked, someone on the site staff decided it would be funny to wipe my entire page, disallowing me from having it recovered, which is why the page was blank up until I finally was UNBANNED about two weeks ago.

So now here we are, and here is my dilemma...

This place, and the fandom in general, used to be what I considered my home on the internet. I was surrounded by people I thought cared about me and what I did. I enjoyed making friends with those who I thought had a common interest to myself. But now that feeling is just... gone.. I dont trust people.

I've had to delete my Twitter and change my Telegram handle to stop the harassment I was getting, all of it from furries. I've lost friends I've had for years over an unproven, baseless accusation with no merit or proof.

Lately, I just dont feel the same level of joy or happiness in things I post on this site anymore... I used to write up big, huge descriptions explaining the meaning and my vision behind every single picture I had done... now I just.. cant even find the will to post more than a single sentence.

I guess I just... dont know what to do anymore, or if I even should. I still have tons and tons of art that I've not posted, but part of me wonders if I even should...? Would anyone care? Why am I even doing this anymore? Should I just give up?

After what I've been put through, I'm worried that I've lost the spark that made this community so important to me. I'm not the confident, self-assured dog I once was, no matter how much I try to deny that fact.

I hear two voices in my head: One says "Stand up and fight for what you enjoy" and the other, even louder voice says "Dont waste your time. You'll never have what you did before."

I just dont know what to do... Please help me...

I'm back. I've missed you.