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Update, health stuff, apologies
Posted a year agolong time no update. I feel like I have a lot to talk about and explain and apologize for; this is gonna get long, so I'll put a tl;dr (too long; didn't read) at the end of this. Also I'm sorry in advance if this feels all over the place oops.
I know I haven't been talking or drawing (or really anything) a lot over the past few years, and especially over this past year or so specifically. This feels really lame and generic to say but whatever!!!: my depression and anxiety have gotten fucking terrible, which I feel like is partially my own fault and partially the fault of some stuff in life I don't have control over. I could go into the whys and the hows but it doesn't really matter.
The main thing is: I get super anxious and in my head about talking to people, in-person or online, and I've let myself get so paranoid that I'm annoying people, weirding them out, etc. when I talk to them that I end up barely talking or not talking at all, not even getting back to people about commissions or adopts that I bought from them. This anxiety compounds with my depression, which already gives me the propensity to put off doing things, like responding to said people, or drawing stuff, or doing,,, anything really?? I've lost friends because of this and tbh I don't blame anyone for it. I'm not using my mental illness as an excuse, just an explanation; I still let shit get bad and a lot of my problems like these are of my own making. And I'm sitting here trying to come up with a way to word all of this that doesn't sound trite and cliché and self-pitying but I cannot. I get into cycles of hating myself, getting anxious, letting the world and experiences and joy pass me by, then hating myself for it, and it continues over and over. This goes for both the online stuff I mentioned but also for almost everything in my life. But I've beaten myself up mentally and actually physically enough and it never actually helps me change anything.
I really want to start doing better and become healthier. To stop getting in my head and freaking out so much, to get my depression under control, to talk more to people and actually respond to messages and draw the things I say I'll draw. Which brings me to another aspect of my depression that hit me around this time last year and hasn't really left me since; I lost a lot of motivation and inspiration for my own stories and characters, for just imagining things and new ideas, for art in general. I experienced a very weird, very sudden physical thing where it feels like my hand, eyes, and brain are not communicating and I just. physically have so much trouble with drawing, like I forgot how to, lost the muscle memory involved, and it's honestly scaring me so badly. It's gotten a little better recently, but I'm still struggling a lot. I really don't know what happened. And again, it's not an excuse for me not doing owed art (especially because it happened a year ago and I know I owe people art from way longer ago than that OTL) but just. reasons and explanations. I haven't written this much on a public journal like this in a long time, and I guess I just want to get as much out there as I can. I think not using journals/recording my day-to-day thoughts in any sort of format for so long has also not helped my depression; I've gotten extremely bad of keeping track of days, months, years, life passes me by and I do nothing!! absolutely nothing!!!
And because god hates me apparently, I also have some physical health problems. I got diagnosed with arthritis in my lower spine, which hurts so bad sometimes that I could cry. I'm trying to see a specialist about it but I've had no luck so far. I also developed tendonitis in BOTH of my wrists last year, which hurt so much I could barely do anything with my hands for months. I've since had physical therapy for it but it gets reignited if I'm not careful. But the main condition that bothers me the most is my stupid essential tremors. I don't remember how much I've talked about them but they cause my hands to shake and twitch constantly, and they get worse when I try to do more intricate motions like draw, write, hold cups/utensils, hold anything too heavy, anything too light, etc. I've had them for about 10 years now I think? and they've slowly gotten worse over the years and that also freaks me out bad. I've seen several neurologists, had CT scans, MRIs, whatever, and no one can fucking tell me why I have them, where they came from, or if they'll keep getting worse. And while I'm venting, sometimes I feel terrible about getting upset over them, or about my mental health, because "other people have it so much worse, you're not actually disabled" keeps going through my head. I'm otherwise relatively healthy, I'm in a safe home environment, I've never been without food/clothes/shelter/medicine/etc, so why should I get to complain??? but that's not helpful thinking either!! And I end up just wanting to smash my head into a wall.
TL;DR - physical health bad, mental health very very bad. Lost a lot of interest and inspiration in my own artwork and characters. Got stuck in cycles of getting socially anxious, getting depressed, not doing shit, then hating myself, then repeat.
the next journal I make will be asking about anything that I owe anybody; art, replies to things, ANYTHING, no matter how long ago it was. I want to make things right. It wasn't fair of me to just stop communicating at all, and again I do not blame anyone for being annoyed with me.
if you read any of this, thank you so much. like I said, I really want to talk more, I miss a lot of people and actually doing stuff with you guys. if anyone wants to add me on discord, my username is unclelucky; feel free! I promise I'm working on replying faster and not getting so caught up in my own head.
I know I haven't been talking or drawing (or really anything) a lot over the past few years, and especially over this past year or so specifically. This feels really lame and generic to say but whatever!!!: my depression and anxiety have gotten fucking terrible, which I feel like is partially my own fault and partially the fault of some stuff in life I don't have control over. I could go into the whys and the hows but it doesn't really matter.
The main thing is: I get super anxious and in my head about talking to people, in-person or online, and I've let myself get so paranoid that I'm annoying people, weirding them out, etc. when I talk to them that I end up barely talking or not talking at all, not even getting back to people about commissions or adopts that I bought from them. This anxiety compounds with my depression, which already gives me the propensity to put off doing things, like responding to said people, or drawing stuff, or doing,,, anything really?? I've lost friends because of this and tbh I don't blame anyone for it. I'm not using my mental illness as an excuse, just an explanation; I still let shit get bad and a lot of my problems like these are of my own making. And I'm sitting here trying to come up with a way to word all of this that doesn't sound trite and cliché and self-pitying but I cannot. I get into cycles of hating myself, getting anxious, letting the world and experiences and joy pass me by, then hating myself for it, and it continues over and over. This goes for both the online stuff I mentioned but also for almost everything in my life. But I've beaten myself up mentally and actually physically enough and it never actually helps me change anything.
I really want to start doing better and become healthier. To stop getting in my head and freaking out so much, to get my depression under control, to talk more to people and actually respond to messages and draw the things I say I'll draw. Which brings me to another aspect of my depression that hit me around this time last year and hasn't really left me since; I lost a lot of motivation and inspiration for my own stories and characters, for just imagining things and new ideas, for art in general. I experienced a very weird, very sudden physical thing where it feels like my hand, eyes, and brain are not communicating and I just. physically have so much trouble with drawing, like I forgot how to, lost the muscle memory involved, and it's honestly scaring me so badly. It's gotten a little better recently, but I'm still struggling a lot. I really don't know what happened. And again, it's not an excuse for me not doing owed art (especially because it happened a year ago and I know I owe people art from way longer ago than that OTL) but just. reasons and explanations. I haven't written this much on a public journal like this in a long time, and I guess I just want to get as much out there as I can. I think not using journals/recording my day-to-day thoughts in any sort of format for so long has also not helped my depression; I've gotten extremely bad of keeping track of days, months, years, life passes me by and I do nothing!! absolutely nothing!!!
And because god hates me apparently, I also have some physical health problems. I got diagnosed with arthritis in my lower spine, which hurts so bad sometimes that I could cry. I'm trying to see a specialist about it but I've had no luck so far. I also developed tendonitis in BOTH of my wrists last year, which hurt so much I could barely do anything with my hands for months. I've since had physical therapy for it but it gets reignited if I'm not careful. But the main condition that bothers me the most is my stupid essential tremors. I don't remember how much I've talked about them but they cause my hands to shake and twitch constantly, and they get worse when I try to do more intricate motions like draw, write, hold cups/utensils, hold anything too heavy, anything too light, etc. I've had them for about 10 years now I think? and they've slowly gotten worse over the years and that also freaks me out bad. I've seen several neurologists, had CT scans, MRIs, whatever, and no one can fucking tell me why I have them, where they came from, or if they'll keep getting worse. And while I'm venting, sometimes I feel terrible about getting upset over them, or about my mental health, because "other people have it so much worse, you're not actually disabled" keeps going through my head. I'm otherwise relatively healthy, I'm in a safe home environment, I've never been without food/clothes/shelter/medicine/etc, so why should I get to complain??? but that's not helpful thinking either!! And I end up just wanting to smash my head into a wall.
TL;DR - physical health bad, mental health very very bad. Lost a lot of interest and inspiration in my own artwork and characters. Got stuck in cycles of getting socially anxious, getting depressed, not doing shit, then hating myself, then repeat.
the next journal I make will be asking about anything that I owe anybody; art, replies to things, ANYTHING, no matter how long ago it was. I want to make things right. It wasn't fair of me to just stop communicating at all, and again I do not blame anyone for being annoyed with me.
if you read any of this, thank you so much. like I said, I really want to talk more, I miss a lot of people and actually doing stuff with you guys. if anyone wants to add me on discord, my username is unclelucky; feel free! I promise I'm working on replying faster and not getting so caught up in my own head.
HELL YEAH
Posted 5 years agoNO MORE NAZI ART BABYYYYYYYYYYYY
help finding headphones (I'll draw you something)
Posted 7 years agoI know I still have stuff to reply to,,,, I will absolutely get around to everyone it's just that it's finals time for school and I'm panicking fhgfgh
so, my old no-longer-made headphones broke, these ones specifically: www.us.jvc.com/archive/headpho…
if anyone can either find me some for sale online (not buying them, just link them to me) OR if anyone can recommend headphones similar to them, I will seriously draw you anything you want.
my ears are weirdly tiny so bigger/over-ear headphones hurt, and earphones/buds don't fit in my ears. ideally they'd be lightweight and just like,,, have regular sound no bass boost or anything.
so, my old no-longer-made headphones broke, these ones specifically: www.us.jvc.com/archive/headpho…
if anyone can either find me some for sale online (not buying them, just link them to me) OR if anyone can recommend headphones similar to them, I will seriously draw you anything you want.
my ears are weirdly tiny so bigger/over-ear headphones hurt, and earphones/buds don't fit in my ears. ideally they'd be lightweight and just like,,, have regular sound no bass boost or anything.
updates
Posted 7 years agoI got a part time job at a sushi restaurant and it's really tiring BUT I'm getting decent money for it. art and social interaction are slow for right now unfortunately.
life has been weird? but I think things are overall heading towards okay. I hope everyone is doing well <3
ALSO why do ppl I've never (to my knowledge) interacted with on this hellsite keep blocking me
am I annoying or did I do smth wrong ??
life has been weird? but I think things are overall heading towards okay. I hope everyone is doing well <3
ALSO why do ppl I've never (to my knowledge) interacted with on this hellsite keep blocking me
am I annoying or did I do smth wrong ??
fuckin lord
Posted 7 years agoin this year of our god 2018, creating pieces of art depicting minors, fictional or not, in sexual situations, is child porn. block me or w/e if you think otherwise I'm too tired for this shit.
"cub" art, or shotacon/lolicon/whatever you want to call it, is pedophilia. it's not that hard of a concept to fuckin grasp
"cub" art, or shotacon/lolicon/whatever you want to call it, is pedophilia. it's not that hard of a concept to fuckin grasp
new years and life nonsense
Posted 8 years agothings are Not Great right now but I hope everyone is doing okay in the new year
I've been off of college for like a month for the holidays and I don't have a driver's license and my parents have been. CONSTAntly bitching about me and my student loans and shit. I really can't wait for my new classes so that I can get away from my fam for a while lmao. I'd also love a part time job to 1.) get away even more and 2.) it's another thing my parents keep complaining about. that I don't have one I mean. also I need Money.
anger.
bUT i'm excited about some possibilities this year. and i'm happy that i didn't off myself, even tho shit is hard right now, I would miss my friends way too much.
I have some ideas of how to help my mental health, and some of my physical health too. thsi journal is weird sorry but i hope things can get better soon.
I've been off of college for like a month for the holidays and I don't have a driver's license and my parents have been. CONSTAntly bitching about me and my student loans and shit. I really can't wait for my new classes so that I can get away from my fam for a while lmao. I'd also love a part time job to 1.) get away even more and 2.) it's another thing my parents keep complaining about. that I don't have one I mean. also I need Money.
anger.
bUT i'm excited about some possibilities this year. and i'm happy that i didn't off myself, even tho shit is hard right now, I would miss my friends way too much.
I have some ideas of how to help my mental health, and some of my physical health too. thsi journal is weird sorry but i hope things can get better soon.
all I want for christmas
Posted 8 years agois art of my fursona getting fuckin choked by my fav pokemon bosses
MFF is so close yet so far
Posted 8 years agoI live like 40 minutes away from MFF but I've never been lol
tbh I'd only go to a furry convention if I could go w/ friends; I've gone to comic/anime cons w/ my family and I think that's weird enough for them LOL
tbh I'd only go to a furry convention if I could go w/ friends; I've gone to comic/anime cons w/ my family and I think that's weird enough for them LOL
help with hair design??
Posted 8 years agoI'm working on this character and I'd like her to have (optional) hair but I'm so bad at coming up w/ hair for anthros omg
here's a WIP of her https://orig00.deviantart.net/9950/.....py-dbt3qsg.png
any suggestions would be rly appreciated!!
here's a WIP of her https://orig00.deviantart.net/9950/.....py-dbt3qsg.png
any suggestions would be rly appreciated!!
by the wayyyy
Posted 8 years agoI know I don't respond on here a ton it's just difficult to follow people when submissions are listed by date and not artist @_@; I'm not leaving by any means! just not a huge fan of the site's layout
I'm a lot easier to catch on tumblr, deviantart, and twitter! <3
I'm a lot easier to catch on tumblr, deviantart, and twitter! <3
bluh
Posted 8 years agoI wish blocking ppl on this site actually prevented you from seeing their submissions
cool girl gang YCH
Posted 8 years agoby my friend!! check it http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24670779/
I really hope I get slot C omg ;_;
I really hope I get slot C omg ;_;
please take these designs (some free!)
Posted 8 years agohttp://sta.sh/221xoq1ivf95?edit=1
http://sta.sh/221xoq1ivf95?edit=1
http://sta.sh/221xoq1ivf95?edit=1
I'll take almost anything for any of them, any amount of art, dA points, money etc, and the ones in the other folder are free ofc unless you want to offer something.
the only exceptions are the monsters and the random anthros; I'd still like around $10 for the monsters and $5 for the anthros but other than that offer away!! just comment or note me to claim.
http://sta.sh/221xoq1ivf95?edit=1
http://sta.sh/221xoq1ivf95?edit=1
I'll take almost anything for any of them, any amount of art, dA points, money etc, and the ones in the other folder are free ofc unless you want to offer something.
the only exceptions are the monsters and the random anthros; I'd still like around $10 for the monsters and $5 for the anthros but other than that offer away!! just comment or note me to claim.
proofreading commissions?
Posted 8 years agojust wondering, if I offered proofreading commissions (like I read over your writing, help w/ grammar/spelling/etc) would you be interested? I wouldn't change your story ofc!! it'd just be to help with grammar and wording to make things sound better n such.
English is the only language I know but I know it pretty well.
I was thinking of charging $2 per 250 words ! just let me know!
English is the only language I know but I know it pretty well.
I was thinking of charging $2 per 250 words ! just let me know!
ArtFight!!
Posted 8 years agohttp://artfight.net/~UncleSmithers fight me you cowards
Art Fight is just starting! it's a site where all users are split into two themed teams. you upload your characters, and ppl on the opposing team can "attack" you by drawing them and vice versa! the more detailed your attacks, the more points you'll earn for your team!
Art Fight is just starting! it's a site where all users are split into two themed teams. you upload your characters, and ppl on the opposing team can "attack" you by drawing them and vice versa! the more detailed your attacks, the more points you'll earn for your team!
why in this year of our god 2017
Posted 8 years agodo ppl still support ren queenston/lapfox trax
gonna open PWYW comms soon!!
Posted 8 years agohttp://orig11.deviantart.net/edab/f.....py-db6jqsx.jpg
also a reminder I'm selling some toys here!: http://fav.me/dazp9lw I have Pokemon, dragons, Neopets, Tamagotchis, etc.
also a reminder I'm selling some toys here!: http://fav.me/dazp9lw I have Pokemon, dragons, Neopets, Tamagotchis, etc.
nuked my inbox
Posted 8 years agogomen
I will hopefully be on more
I will hopefully be on more
hey whats up
Posted 8 years agoit's my birthday and I want to be dead
giving away trading cards (Webkinz, Pokemon, Neopets)
Posted 8 years agodoes anyone want them? otherwise I'm just gonna recycle them.
nothing too rare but I have a bunch and I just want em gone. if you want the Webkins I'd send you all of them, but I have to look through my pkmn and neopets cards to check for dupes. just let me know!
I also have more Pokemon, Neopets, etc. stuff for sale/trade here: http://fav.me/dazp9lw
nothing too rare but I have a bunch and I just want em gone. if you want the Webkins I'd send you all of them, but I have to look through my pkmn and neopets cards to check for dupes. just let me know!
I also have more Pokemon, Neopets, etc. stuff for sale/trade here: http://fav.me/dazp9lw
a reminder
Posted 8 years agoif you think "triggered" jokes are funny don't watch me I'm not kidding
do you ever
Posted 8 years agoget a really kinky dream outta nowhere like hoLY SHIT
cool friend with cool icons
Posted 8 years agoFirst Redbubble design!!
Posted 8 years agohttps://www.redbubble.com/people/un.....s/26009533-nya
I liked this Mr. S nya so I made it into stickers + shirts!!
if you have any suggestions/ideas for designs let me know :3c
I liked this Mr. S nya so I made it into stickers + shirts!!
if you have any suggestions/ideas for designs let me know :3c
does anyone want a test badge
Posted 8 years agoI'd like to start offering traditional badges and I was wondering if anyone wanted to be a guinea pig for my first one? at a discount of course
it'd be laminated and mailed to you. I have colored pencils, ink, markers, etc so I can do a lot of styles if you'd like something specific o:
I was thinking for this discount I'd offer $10 for a headshot/bust or $15 for a fullbody? please let me know if you're interested!!
you can see some examples of my traditional art on my dA
it'd be laminated and mailed to you. I have colored pencils, ink, markers, etc so I can do a lot of styles if you'd like something specific o:
I was thinking for this discount I'd offer $10 for a headshot/bust or $15 for a fullbody? please let me know if you're interested!!
you can see some examples of my traditional art on my dA
