So once again, my emotions have caught the best of me, and consumed me into a unfriendly environment. So I made a new account :3

https://www.furaffinity.net/user/je.....ificmarsupial/

This account is officially closed, thank you.

You know what? I wonder how long I can remain isolated before being driven insane, because I think I'm, and need to be put into a mental hospital, because not only I have been getting suicidal thoughts, but my body is twitching, I'm crying & laughing, because fuck your consistency of emotions, I'm getting dizzy, I'm all behind on chores, and hating others for having happiness & pleasure in life.

OUR MINDS ARE EMPATHETIC MONSTERS! Having social anxiety forcing us to isolate our selves, and it punishes you for taking away all your pleasure! THIS IS WHY SOCIOPATHS ARE LUCKY BASTARDS! They don't have to feel worry, empathy, or isolation.

I really want to fucking kill my self, but I can't because it's too painful to do so.

I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, FUCK YOU, JUST FUCK YOU! I hate you not, for you being your self, and having certain preferences, I understand that. However I hate you for rejecting me as a human being, go die in a ditch!

Those who are still listening, I have horrible news. Apparently I suck at digital art, but yeah I know keep on practicing and stuff, but it's that I suck with the coloring, why? YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING PRECISE WHEN Digital painting, it's not the same as using a pencil, it doesn't erase like an actual eraser, it's frustrating. So instead I'm just going to make line bases for others to color in for me, because I'm a talent-less idiot -_-

Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm now fucking delusional. Why? Well I keep getting the sense that I'm being ignored. I don't think that's true, and I'm just angry at my self. Well isolation is a bitch, and our mammal minds need social interaction for the chemical reward of dopamine, so don't blame me for being all depressed.

Anyways, I turned a sketch to digital, and now I'm trying to figure out how to color it all in. Which's going to take a while, probably more than a week.

Thanks for listening :3









I hope :/

Hello, how's everyone doing? Good? Good. :3

So update, my parents put me into this therapy school to get over my food phobia, so that I can finally go to college, and learn more about science & art. I think I'll be in therapy for about three months, or less.

I've recently been typing, and browsing the internet, as usual. I do feel a bit isolated at times, but that's just the consequence for being a social mammal.

Anyways, hope everybody is doing good as well. :3

Just fuck you. not all of you, just the ones who're ignorant.

I tried to be nice, and caring, but you never did the same. So the feeling is mutual.

I'm not being polite because I'm, I'm being polite because of the consequences. Which is why we're all selfish, and the reason we never explain our needs or desires, because it's polite, and everyone knows that a polite person, is that of a disguise personality, of a fake human identity. FACE IT, we all have needs, and speaking out our needs is negative, and weak. Also expressing your needs or issues, is viewed as edgy, or unacceptable behavior!

HOW ABOUT YOU STOP TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD BECOME SOCIETY, AND STOP TORTURING ME BECAUSE I WAS CONDONED A CERTAIN WAY!

I wish I was a sociopath, so that I have no consciousness of empathy, morality, social anxiety. My mind will be free from these thoughts.

Am I delusional, Maybe? However, my predictions is that of a superposition quantum state, meaning I'm aware of every outcome, both positive & negative, but I can't understand which reality it will choose, until the wave collapses.

Like I said, I know what you're going to say. Go talk to your psychologist, NO! Lets say you were born a certain way, and conditioned into a certain way that brings pleasure to you, and that your behavior wants to perform something in the future that benefits you but is illegal in most states, nobody is harmed, but you will be hated by everyone, rejected by your family, and your psychologist will say YOU CAN NOT! Even though no one is harmed, because it's taboo in their eyes

I'm just having a difficult life -_-

*Sigh*

I really am envious of all of you. I really am, as it gives me a minor panic attack, or anxiety reaction after seeing your happy faces. However, I still posses something that will reverse this cycle, and make you become envious of me. I have the knowledge of building new worlds, of understanding the fundamentals of reality, and replicating something that's unique, creative, intelligent, but, I don't have the tools to create it yet.

WHILE YOU

Will always be a fantasy, an illusion of anthropomorphism.

Am I attacking you? I really don't want to, I just want a friend to talk to, but I just can't speak out by messaging you in the shout box, you just ignore that as spam. I really don't understand who I'm becoming, as isolation can drive you insane, but I still have the knowledge and awareness of how you will respond.

You might block me, which please don't
You might tell me to get a real life, I can't anxiety forces me back to isolation
You might say talk to my psychologist
You might say why I'm sending mix signals
You might actually PM me [Please Do]
You might say what's the knowledge that I know?
You might insult me for being egocentric, that's selfish to think of your self and needs. Or being an attention whore

Or, you will just call me crazy. Which I pretty am actually, will socially that's. Ever heard of a mad scientist? :)

Does it matter anyways? This message will not be read or spread.

I'm just going to block all those who I envy, so that they want to befriend me?

I just want attention *sobs*