...but forgive me if I don't really feel much like celebrating. Today also marks the one-year anniversary of one of the most life-changing moments in my adult years. I won't go into the details too much (I think it was addressed in earlier journals), except to say that the end result was me moving to a new state, back in with my parents, and trying to rebuild what might be remaining of my life. And, in some ways, I'm still reeling from everything. While some things are moving in the right direction (I'm lucky I've been able to find some contract work through a temp agency), others are just...well, frozen.

My furry life, for example, is now on indefinite hold until I can secure full-time employment and get a place of my own. With my schedule being so up in the air right now, it's very difficult for me to plan anything out more than a month in advance...let along ONE YEAR. And living with my parents just doesn't allow for the kind of "furry life" I used to enjoy but took for granted until it vanished. I'm hoping that things will sort themselves out so I can get back to actively participating in this crazy fandom instead of just lurking in its shadows.

However, especially after what I've been through, I've been questioning if maybe I've outlived my time in the fandom. I HAVE to get my real life situation straightened out before I can go back to the furry world, but when that happens, will we still want each other? Take fursuiting, for example...when I left my last place my character was one of the things that got left behind...which means no Nahren Snow Ox for any time in the near future. And even though I have it on good authority that my suit is actually being held by one of the few remaining friends I had left, I find myself questioning whether or not I even want him back. Maybe not enough time has passed that I can look at things from an objective point of view and come to a rational decision, but I can't help but question nonetheless. (I just hope at this point that when and if I DO reach a decision, someone else hadn't already got the idea to throw Nahren's carcass onto a bonfire...but we'll see.)

Relationship-wise...that's pretty much dead right now. I now have a rep for turning gay guys straight (meaning I'm now cursed for life), and though a part of me wants to have another go at a significant other, I...just don't see that happening. I REALLY hope I'm proven wrong.

I think I might have said this before, so skip over this paragraph if you've already read it...but when everything ended like it did, the one thing I did NOT want to do was isolate myself from everyone. I needed to maintain some kind of open communication just to keep my sanity. And in the end, isolating myself was the only thing I had really succeeded in doing. So when I moved from Milwaukee, it felt as though I had burned every single bridge that had been built...and that really makes me sad. I have no way of knowing if I had left on good terms with most people or if the demonizing started the moment I pulled away from the house I called home for nearly 3 years. It's...really disheartening, tbh...but that's life, I guess.

And then...there are the health concerns. First came the lump in my neck detected by my new doctor, which necessitated an ultrasound scan, then a radioactive iodine scan...then two biopsies. THANKFULLY, I don't have a thyroid cancer diagnosis now, but I'm now on watch as I have a follow-up ultrasound scan scheduled in late summer. Then came a spot on my nose. As of right now, my nose is healing from surgery to remove what turned out to be a skin cancer mass. The prognosis is good, but I'll get confirmation with my doctor next week.

I guess that's all I can write about right now...if you made it through my rambling, thank you for sticking with me. I just hope that my 2016 ends up to be the year which everything turns around...

...then again, if it doesn't, and a certain someone gets elected President, I can always move across the border...if the wall hasn't been completed yet. :-P

Take care, everyone,

Colin *^.^*

Another Halloween has come and gone...hopefully all of you haven't experienced glycemic shock from all of the candy... :-D

I can't believe it's already November...seems like it wasn't too long ago that the year started (at least for me). I could've never predicted that the year would turn out to be so...interesting...in the Chinese curse sense of the word. Now, after everything that's happened in my life, I just want 2015 to be over with. But I've already addressed some of the reasons why in earlier journals...no use rehashing that material again here.

I'm still on the assignment I started back in August...the supervisor at my work site said that it will officially end November 20. I hope that the extension of the assignment is partly because I'm doing a good job for them, and not just because I'm a warm body to fill a seat. Time will tell.

Medically speaking the last month has been a very interesting one for me...and perhaps not in a good way. It's a work in progress type of thing at the moment...hopefully everything will work out for the best, but right now, it's looking a bit scary. We'll see.

For now, let's hope the holiday season leaves you with minimal damage - physically or mentally - and let's see how this whole damn year ends up for all of us.

Cheers,
ColinFoxTail

Well, fall is in full swing here in Ohio...the leaves are starting to turn, the weather is starting to turn colder, and the days are (depressingly) getting shorter and shorter. Ah well, such as the season.

As for myself, I'm holding my own as much as I can. I still haven't found full-time employment, but for the past couple of months I've had a temp assignment. For the past couple of months, I've been busier than I had been between all of March and July, so even though I can't be guaranteed a full 40-hour week, it's still much MUCH better than nothing at all. The end point of the assignment is drawing near, though, which means that I'll be doubling down on my job search...hopefully this assignment can be a good step-off point. We'll see.

FurConsin recently took place, and from all accounts it was a pretty successful event. I wish I could've been there with all of the fur friends I made during my time in Wisconsin, but unfortunately it wasn't to be. I hope everyone had a great time...and congratulations to Aetus and his mate Colin, who got married AT this year's FurConsin!

Seeing news of that event on my social media got me to thinking about my time there. Honestly, my mind is still in a jumble about the whole thing, and it's probably better that I don't go into the details here...but I'm putting the blame for the fallout completely on my shoulders. I did too many things wrong, didn't do enough things right, and basically shoved everyone in my life away in the last three months I was there. Had it been me, I would've kicked myself out the day things fell apart...but that's just me.

Thinking back on that period of time, it's made me realize that I've REALLY let myself go. I need to start focusing on keeping my self engaged in life, and making myself happy...because it's obvious by now that I'm incapable of making anyone else happy, and probably never will make anyone else happy. It's a depressing thought, but with my track record, I'm coming to realize it's probably the truth.

I sincerely hope that one day I'm proven wrong...

At any rate, I hope that your autumn time is going well...keep living, enjoy the season, and may the rest of the year be a great time for you.

Later,
Colin
^.^

I'm a mix of emotions as I type this...I still don't know how to feel about all of this, but I need to get it off my chest.

Three months ago I lost a job that I had held for two years. It was a "temporary assignment", and I knew it could end at any time, but it was with a company I liked working with and had even begun to think of myself as a fellow employee. Then I was told that my services weren't needed anymore. I can't be exactly sure of the reason why I was released. A meeting I had with my manager was pushed back and, unfortunately, I was released from the assignment before I could get any answers directly from her.

In the meantime, I had been looking for employment, applying for every company I thought would have me. I had several contacts with employment agencies and plenty of leads, but nothing solid ever materialized.

As a result, my housemates have run out of patience with my situation and, as a result, I will be leaving Milwaukee tomorrow.

Up to the very end, I was doing everything I thought was within my power to get work. Sadly, it wasn't enough.

My parents have graciously offered a place back at their home for me to stay. I HATE having to put myself in such a situation, but it's really the only viable option left on the table right now. So tomorrow, I'll be moving back to Ohio.

I really have no idea where things will go from here...and I'm honestly scared about what this could mean for me in the long run. I can only hope that this will prove to be a move that will serve me well in the end.

I feel like a complete failure. I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't find work. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. But I need a change in my life. The past three months have been HELL for me, and I can only hope that things will eventually turn around from here.

Guys...I'm not a religious person...but if you do believe, please send some prayers my way. I'm a broken fox right now, and I need all the help I can get.

Needless to say, many parts of my furry life are going to need to be put on hold indefinitely. I need to focus on building myself back up mentally and financially, and neither of things are going to happen until I find work. I was unsuccessful in Wisconsin. I just hope I can find something in Ohio.

Take care guys...and thanks in advance for any thoughts you might send my way.

- Colin

EDIT: Thanks for the words of support...the move was a long one, but I made it to Ohio in one piece. Now begins the prep to start the job search...

Well, here it is, the Winter Solstice of 2014 with the New Year being just 10 days away. Probably a good a time as any for a bit of an update on the fox and my expectations for 2015.

If nothing else, my weekend at MFF this year has helped to put some focus in my furry existence that had been waning for some time. Just getting to see some people who I hadn't seen in what seems to be FOREVER - and knowing that they still remember me - really helped in showing me how good I have it in the fandom (relatively speaking). Where there had been a feeling of apathy and indifference to the fandom, I now feel re-energized and excited to be involved with such wonderfully-weird people. It's a bit of a double-edged sword in a way because now I have the motivation to become more involved, but really don't have the means to get as involved as I had been previously.

So, if nothing else, the biggest goal I have for myself in 2015 is to set in motion the plan to achieve those means. I'm very lucky to have the employment that I do, but it isn't perfect (or permanent), and I can see already that it's going to have to change at some point. The only question is, do I take the initiative and make the change myself...or wait to have it made for me. (I've done the former before - just a couple years ago - and I'm pretty sure I can do it again...we'll see.)

At the same time I feel I'm reconnecting with people within the fandom, 2015 is going to start off on a bit of a down note for me as a bear local to me will be moving out of my area to be with his wolf. I can honestly say I understand his position, and I wish nothing but the very best for him as he starts a new chapter in his life. For me, though, there's a nagging feeling of regret...regret that I had every opportunity to be more social with him while he was still in Wisconsin, and never acted upon them. Regret is a sickening feeling, and one which I do not want to experience again any time soon. So I plan to live my life in 2015 (and for the remainder of 2014) so that when I look back, I think less about what I could've done and more about how much I did.

Taking back control of my health is certainly one of the things I want to make a goal for me in 2015. There are certain people who have been a big inspiration to me in regards to losing weight and keeping fit. I now feel as though I owe it to them to show them that I'm not only capable of doing it, but that I also deserve to live better by doing it.

Convention-wise, 2015 is going to be a lean year for me (as it stands now). FurSquared is local to my area, and I'll be putting in an appearance to be sure, but I can't see myself spending the entire weekend there. Midwest Furfest is unfortunately an unknown for me. Between my current employer putting a moratorium on vacation time for the entire month of December 2015 and my uncertain finances as they stand now, it's really difficult to fit it into the schedule. Hopefully this will change as MFF 2014 had such an impact on me that I don't want to miss a chance to feel it again.

Outside of that, there are a couple of VERY BIG "maybe" events that I'm considering...one of them is Megaplex in July. Another event I'm very curious about is RainFurest in Seattle...but a trip out west for me is not looking too likely at this point. We'll see as the year progresses whether or not it pans out.

I'll leave things at that for now. To all of you who took the time to read this, thank you for putting up with my rambling. And if I don't hear from you until afterward, have a very happy and safe holiday season...and may 2015 be a great year for you!

To be continued...

Yes, this past weekend I was in Rosemont for Midwest FurFest. Overall, I had a great time.

There are more than enough journals and reports regarding Saturday night and Sunday morning already, so I won't go into detail there...except to say that I'm relieved that most of the people I know were uninjured from what happened.

If I were to sum up MFF 2014, the buzzword for me personally would be "reconnection". This was a convention experience that I found I needed more than I expected...in more ways than one.

Honestly, going into MFF this year, I really wasn't feeling it at all. The first day I was there I was wandering around the hotel feeling completely out of my element and wondering if it was a mistake to have gone at all. I remember saying to a couple old fur friends I crossed paths with that it's as if I forgot how to be furry. It was those random reconnects with those people that slowly led me back to my furry mojo (small as it may be).

By the time Sunday evening rolled around, I felt I was home again. For some, being in the midst of wonderfully weird animal people is a form of torture...not for me. I spent the last few hours of the weekend getting as many furry hugs and fursuit snuggles as I could, forgoing the idea of going out in suit one last time. I had a blast...and walking back to the hotel room knowing that I was going to pack up for the trip back home and back to "real life" was very hard for me to do. I simply didn't want the convention to end.

Shout-Outs
There's way too many people that I could name that helped make the weekend in Rosemont so memorable (if I don't mention you here, please know it's only because my memory fails me)...my roomates MightyTauren, Colinstu and Aetus, Dr.Keesh, Alphi, TrouBull, Dingoroo, Kuddlepup, EagleBeagle, MaximusUrsus, Wyoon, Wildfox, FirestormSix, Animal, Kae-Kiama, SparkyBlueFox, LavShep, DerShep, Nagamifumi, Kiska, Kenova, Orzel, Zarafa, GreySnowCat, CocoBirdie, GOHs Lacy and Nick of fursuiting.com...and of course, all the staff members and volunteers who helped make MFF the event that it was.

At this point I have no idea if I'll be able to make it to MFF 2015...but if this past weekend is any indication, I hope I can.

Until then,
Colin
^.^

Well, it seems as though 2014 will be a lean year for me as far as furry gatherings go. I started off the year with a "New Year's Resolution" to be more active in the furry fandom than I was last year. Unfortunately, my current work situation is making it a very difficult resolution for me to not break.

Here's how things look for me convention-wise for 2014:

FurSquared (Milwaukee, WI) - This is the convention's first year in existence and I definitely plan to be there to help represent my home town.

Biggest Little Fur Con (Reno, NV) - I really really REALLY wanted to attend this one. I've heard so many good things about this convention and the buzz behind it got me really interested. Unfortunately, even though I have the time off from work to go, there's just no way I can afford the air fare at this stage of the game. So, unfortunately, this one will have to be tabled.

Anthrocon (Pittsburgh, PA) - Over the last couple of years, I've lost any interest I previously had in attending this event. 2014 is no different for me...this one's a no-go.

Megaplex (Orlando, FL) - I like this convention, and have been looking for ways to return. Sadly, it might be quite a while before I can be able to go back.

Midwest FurFest (Rosemont, IL) - Initially, it looked as though I wouldn't be able to go, but with the recently-announced date change this might actually work in my favor. I'm making plans to attend this one, and hopefully I'll be able to return for 2014.

So, in place of any furry convention traveling which I've been able to do in past years, I'll probably look to the more localized events for my furry fix. Milwaukee is not very much of a drive to Chicago, and there are several events in that area I've had interest in attending but hadn't yet. 2014 is the year when this will change.

I guess at this point, things are more at a "Wait and See" status. One thing's for sure, though...I'm going to do my best to make the most of what I have.

Well, Anthrocon will be upon the furry world next week, and everyone in the house I live in will be piling their collective stuff into the cars and shoving off for the long drive to Pittsburgh.

Everyone, that is...except me. :-P

To be honest, I can't really say I was that excited for Anthrocon to start off. Unfortunately, my past experience with the convention sort of turned me off from the whole shebang. I suspect it will be a while before any of the feelings I had for the convention return...if they ever do.

More importantly, I simply can't afford to go this year. The money I would have otherwise had for furry conventions was eaten up by other life changes that have occurred within the last 12 months. Finding the means to procure such money hasn't been entirely easy, either. And while my employment situation has become more stable in the last few months (thank DOG), I don't want to risk anything.

So, for all of the rest of you who will be in Pittsburgh this coming week, may your convention experience be full of excitement, free of drama (good luck on THAT one), and packed with amazing experiences.

With that out of the way, I think a bit of a life update is appropriate.

"Re-building the perfect beast" has been one of my long-term goals in making the move that I did...and while on a relationship level it's been extremely rewarding in some ways, there's one thing that I've sadly neglected. My weight has climbed back up to over 200 lbs, and I'm dangerously close to my all-time high adult weight. I feel disgusting, I don't look good, and frankly, I'm embarrassed of myself that I let myself go (back) like this. Unfortunately, this also spills over into other aspects of my life... (I won't go into details here.)

I've had an open invitation to join up with a few of the fitness furs that are in my area, but I feel that I'm not ready for them. The fitness furs in my area are VERY dedicated to exercise, and to throw me into the mix would be like throwing a cup of lard into a fruit smoothie. I'm HORRIBLY out-of-shape, and my body has been away from an exercise regimen long enough that it'll take a while before I reach a level at which I'll be at least comfortable around other gym bunnies...and bears and rats. Maybe it's just a mental block that I have to either work around or just tear down completely...but I can't live like this much longer.

heh...I've been toying with the idea of posting a pic of myself (in all my disgusting shame) as a motivational trick to get me to exercise. When I think about it though, it's not necessary. I doubt very seriously that anything anyone can say would be more critical and vicious than what goes through my head every time I look in the mirror. So who knows what it's going to take. (If you guys have any suggestions, PLEASE tell me.)

Anyway, I think I'll leave things at that for now. Again, if you're going to AC, have a great time, and I'll see you again when you return!

...yeah, I kind of feel like that guy from Splash right now.

Where do I begin? First my burd roommate broke his wing after slipping on some ice. Ice that I SHOULD HAVE salted down when I cleared the path at the rear of the house (but not the front). Turned out that the ice he slipped on and fell was on the street, not the sidewalk, but still I was angry that I COULD HAVE taken action at that part of the house but didn't.

Then on Thursday I get a call from my parents. The only remaining grandparent I have left died early in the morning after battling a lung infection. It had been a long time since I really felt any connection with my grandmother, but hearing from her oldest daughter (my mother) that she died still stings a bit. I actually feel worse for my mom because of all the members of her family, she was the one who in adulthood had the closest connection to my grandma. My mom sounded resigned to the eventuality of my grandma's death when she told me (my mom took care of her over the last few weeks she was sick), I know it's going to be hard for her to come to terms with it all.

And to cap it all off, I left my temp assignment thinking that I was going to be back on Monday...then got a call from my temp office saying that they were ending my assignment. Today. I lasted six weeks on that assignment...four less than the person I replaced, who by all accounts was not good at all. I didn't get any indication that my work was bad enough to end my assignment, but for my assignment supervisor to LIE to me when I asked him if there was anything I needed to know about Monday...

...it's really hard right now to not take that personally.



...

...I need comfort food now.

I think I've been around the furry fandom long enough (going on 13 years) to see quite a bit. Some of it is absolutely amazing (in a very VERY good way), and some of it just makes me want to hang my head in embarrassment that I even associate myself with you f***ers. (...sorry, venting here...)

There's one thing that astounds me to no end, though. I think it was best put by Uncle Kage at the Closing Ceremonies of Anthrocon 2011: "We punish those who do good deeds." Now I know that the context in which he said those words is completely different from what I'm working toward, but it's absolutely true when you look at it the right way. Those precious few in the fandom who actually try to do good for the fandom are more often than not taken for granted (at best) or broken by those who don't understand what they have (at worst).

For those of you who have ever been a staff member of a furry convention, you know EXACTLY what I mean. Convention attendees take for granted that what they have is always going to be there, or will be there thanks to you. This is the "best case" scenario...and it RARELY ever is this way. Furry conventions can break even the best of people who contribute their time (and often their own hard-earned money) to make an event a good time for EVERYONE involved. Staff members have a VERY personal interest in the success (or failure) of what they do. And as much as some of us say that they don't care if people don't pat them on the back or say "thank you for what you do", it DOES make a difference.

The negative feelings are only intensified when the only feedback they get is about how crappy the convention was, or how something that was YOUR responsibility as a staff member wasn't done to their satisfaction. Often times, when the thanks and appreciation finally DOES come (if ever), it's a matter of "too little, too late". It's not surprising to me that there are people who fall into that category, and have had their convention experience ruined by a matter of working too hard for not enough "payback" (in recognition).

Why am I addressing this topic? Because I know an artist here on FurAffinity who is basically bowing out of the fandom and selling off EVERYTHING they invested in regarding the fandom. Before getting the "big break" as a fursuit creator, he was known as an artist (some of the first "furry" images I remember when I first joined the fandom were of this guy's). While he was kind of known for that, it wasn't nearly the amount of exposure that he had up until this Monday when he announced that he was shutting down his fursuit workshop. He was good at what he did. VERY good, in fact. Some of the best fursuits in the fandom today are created by this guy. And he's up and leaving. Because too many people wanted more from him than he can give, and CONSTANTLY hounded him when he couldn't respond because he was dealing with real life issues. He just got sick of dealing with it all.

And as sad as I am that he's leaving...I don't blame him one bit.

...
I don't know where I was going with this...I guess I just needed to vent. :-P

I don't know how many people here find themselves asking about their place in the furry fandom and whether or not they belong in it. But recently, this has been weighing in on my mind.

You see, because of work circumstances (I need the money!), I need to curtail my regular convention-going and other furry activities like commissioning and such. It sucks that it has to be this way, but real life trumps furry life, as much as I sometimes like to believe it to be otherwise.

I have to wonder, though...do I still have a place in the fandom? If I were to bow out for some time (out of financial or mental necessity) and decide to come back, would I still be welcome? Would I even remember how to get along in the fandom? And, possibly the most disturbing question of all...did I ever have a place in the fandom to begin with? The more I think about it...the less I like the answer that's becoming clearer.

Now, I hope this doesn't come across as some emo, whiny, "I'M LEAVING THE FANDOM FOREVAH!!!1!" kind of post. I'd full-well expect one of you yay-hoos to say in response, "Great, see you next week!" :-P I also know myself enough to know that I tend to over-think these things if given enough time to do so, and I'll always assume the worst. Whether I'm right or wrong at the time is immaterial to me...the conclusion I build up to will be the same. I recognize that. But at the same time, I'm wondering if my line of thinking is unreasonable, or unnecessary...or if I'm the only one in the fandom asking these questions.

This is kind of confusing to me...I'm not sure what to make of it all yet.

Well, we all survived December 21, and now we have Christmas and New Year's to look forward to. Personally, I have everything I could have asked for this holiday season, so I couldn't care less about Christmas this year. (Well, with one exception...I get to spend that day with the man I love.) #^.^#

Anyway, 2013 is a little more than a week away, and if history repeats I know many of you will be making a 2013 goals journal. I figure I might as well jump in and do one myself, soooooo...

Conventions for 2013-
Unfortunately, 2013 is going to be a VERY lean year for me as far as convention-going. My current state of employment just doesn't allow the same kind of freedom that I had in previous years. Here's the rundown of past conventions I've attended and where they stand in 2013:
Furry Connection North - I've been to every FCN since it started in 2008, and I honestly think it's one of the best cons out there. I'm sad that I'll have to miss it for the first time. However, real life takes precedence over this convention...and unfortunately, I'll be working right through the tax deadline which means no vacation time to go.
Anthrocon - I'm simply not able to make the commitment so early on. And with as large as Anthrocon gets these days, by the time I'm able to find out whether or not I can go, it will be too late to get in. Better to just cross it off the list right away. :-P
Megaplex - Of all the early- to mid-year conventions out there, this is one which I MIGHT be able to make. Again, there's quite a bit that needs to happen which I can't say right now would or would not actually take place. I have a feeling though that I'll be stir-crazy for a furry fix by that point, so who knows...maybe it will be worth fighting the summer heat and Florida humidity to go. Plus, they're in a new location for 2013, so that could make it a very interesting time.
Furlaxation - Just before this convention took place last year, I pulled stakes and moved out of Columbus, so I had to miss it. This is in my old stomping grounds, and I have family in that area of the midwest, so I might just give this one a shot for 2013. I've heard nothing but good things about it from their first year, so that really helps.
Midwest FurFest - This is my new "hometown" convention given Milwaukee's relative closeness to Chicago. More than likely you'll see either me or my white tauren self at this event.

Personal Goals for 2013-
- Lose 30-40 lbs, and get in better shape At this point I'm hovering just under the 200-lb mark, and I know I haven't been leading a very healthy lifestyle. The winter months in Wisconsin aren't going to help matters much, so I need to do something to kickstart myself into getting fit. I'm 41, and it's only going to get tougher for me to do anything about this poor excuse of a body if I put it off any longer. :-P
- Seek permanent employment While the temporary assignment is helping me out tremendously in both my wallet and general state of mind, I know it's not going to last forever, and the way it's structured now it could end at any time. My big hope is that I can parlay the momentum I have now from my current job into something more permanent. Only time will tell...check back with me in a few months.
- Relationships Up until now, I've really had only a few people binding me to this area. While I'm very grateful for the one major relationship that I have (love you, Mighty!), I think I'm starting to feel comfortable enough in my new surroundings to start expanding myself. One of the biggest mistakes I made while living in Columbus was to basically shut myself off from everyone in that area. It became a joke of sorts to say that the only times I saw other furries from my area was when I went out of state to the same conventions they attended. I don't want that to happen again...and admittedly, this is the one personal goal which might be the toughest thing for me to fulfill. It's like I forgot how to make and keep friendships...but we'll see if I can overcome the obstacles I built up for myself.

To save you from becoming bored to death, I'll leave things as they are here. I wish all of you the very best of the holiday season, and hope that your 2013 is the best year of your life! :-D

Take care,
Colin

Hey folks, just letting you know that I'm now back among the living online. This past week and a half has been a trip. Literally.

The reason for my absence was due to a trip that I made to Florida with my boyfriend  mightytauren. We first attended a Christmas party held at Cocoa Beach. I had been going to this party for the past two years, and I thought it was only appropriate that I introduced Mighty to some of the cool people that usually attended. Both of us had a great time - him meeting some of my friends for the first time, and me meeting even more cool people.

And after that party ended on Sunday, we boarded the Freedom of the Seas for a 7-day cruise of the Caribbean! We were scheduled for three ports of call during the cruise, but the first one ended up being a no-show due to someone breaking a hip while on board. (Apparently, with the average age of the cruise-going person, one should prepare themselves for some kind of medical emergency to happen at least once during a week-long cruise.) Instead of going to the Bahamian island of CocoCay, we ended up in Nassau. While the port itself was quite scenic, activities on shore were just...meh. But we made the most of what was available.

Our next port of call was St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. During our stay here, we went on a catamaran ride to St. John, where we spent the afternoon snorkeling off shore (I wish I could put into words the beauty of the aquatic life on that island...it gives you a whole different level of appreciation for what we have than any nature show or magazine article can possibly convey.), and basically lounging on the boat and having a great time. Oh, and they also served champagne, beer, rum punch and snacks on the trip back. The one bit of drama we experienced was on the trip back to port. The same trip that took all of 20 minutes to get to took us TWO HOURS to get back because of the island traffic. Mighty and I both were really scared that we wouldn't be able to make it back on the boat. However, the bus we were on was filled with passengers from a rival cruise line that was going back to their boat...and their group was part of a drag show event. I have a generally strong dislike for REALLY campy gay men, but believe it or not, having them to talk to and laugh with helped to ease some of the anxiousness we felt. I don't know if any of those people can read this, but if they can...thank you.

Our final port of call was Phillipsburg on the Dutch side of St. Maarten. And let's just get this on record right here and now...I LOVE ST. MAARTEN! The weather was beautiful, the scenery was unbelievable, and everyone we talked with was warm and friendly. While we were there, Mighty and I went horseback riding through the hills of St. Maarten. Aside from the sunburn I got on my thighs and nearly getting thrown off my horse twice, the excursion was awesome! Unfortunately, we had to cancel our plans for an outing to Orient Beach on the French side of the island, and a trip to Princess Juliana Airport (look it up on YouTube...you'll see why it's such a tourist magnet). We wanted to do at least one of these excursions, but neither of us wanted to risk a repeat of St. Thomas and the possibility of not making it back on the boat. We really needed at least two days on St. Maarten to do all that we wanted to do...but of all our ports of call, both Mighty and I liked St. Maarten the most.

I won't go too much into detail on this next part since there are others who are better able to talk about it than me, but part of the reason for going on this cruise was because the group we signed on to be with was promised prior to the actual cruise time during days at sea to don our fursuits for the entertainment of the other passengers. Now, for Mighty and I, this wasn't that big of an issue since this was our first vacation together, but having the option of fursuiting was honestly a bonus for us. However, it wasn't until after we got on the boat that we were told that we couldn't do it. FWIW, I feel kind of bad for the tour organizer,  keetcollie, as most of his time on the cruise was spent trying to figure out what went wrong and where, dealing with the cruise staff, and trying to salvage some sort of fursuit time for those in the group who were expecting a lot of time for fursuiting as there had been in past years.

I appreciate Keet for his organization of the cruise and all his efforts to try to salvage what could have been a completely ruined experience for all 29 people who signed up for the cruise.

Other shout-outs I need to give... kuddlepup,  yappyfox and Herbie for organizing the Christmas party,  michelmephit and  Aikenwolf for being awesome roommates, and all of the attendees of WFCP & FurryCruise2012 for making our vacation experience a very memorable one.

And now...it's nose-to-the-grindstone time. Yup, as of today I am now employed again! (YAY!!!) I never thought I'd miss having a job until I went through nearly four months without one. I might bitch about my job every now and again, but I realize that in today's economic reality, with people out there who have been looking for work FAR LONGER than I have, I'm pretty lucky to be where I am today. I hope I never forget that.

That's about it for now...I have a stack of lists and job description sheets to review. o.O

Take care!
- Colin

To say that the last four months of my life has been interesting could be an understatement. Even now I find myself sometimes questioning my sanity by leaving a job which I had eleven years seniority and moving to Wisconsin. But I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Could I rant about being unemployed? Sure...but I know there are people who have been looking for work for MUCH longer than I have and are still surviving. And I certainly have nothing to complain about healthwise...other than I could stand to lose about 30 lbs...

Anyway, I don't think I could've survived the recent changes in my life if I didn't have the one person in my life who gave me the inner strength to take the risks. I know that  mightytauren deserves a far better man than me, but so long as he'll have me, I'll cherish every moment I have with him. I love you, Mighty.

Oh, the "AFFA" thing? For the next week or so I'll be away from FurAffinity as I'll be away from my computer...taking a short break from Wisconsin with my boyfriend. We'll be staying in Florida for the weekend, then embarking on a cruise with 27 other furries! I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to this trip and I hope that I can come back to bore you with lots of pictures from my travels. (Well, hopefully not bore you, anyway...)

Take care, and I'll see you again soon!

- Colin FoxTail

...hopefully I'll get some responses from this.

WOULD YOU...
[_] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
[_] lick my cheek?
[_] miss me if we went out then broke up?
[_] dance with me?
[_] let me make you breakfast?
[_] tap me on the a**?
[_] help me with homework?
[_] tickle me to death?
[_] let me tickle you?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] caress my body?
[_] play strip poker with me?
[_] say yes if i asked you out?
[_] let me wear your pants? (panties? :O )
[_] get wasted with me?
[_] instant message me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?

DO YOU...
[_] think im cute?
[_] think im hot?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle with me?
[_] want to hook up with me?

ARE WE...
[_] acquaintances?
[_] friends?
[_] in a relationship?
[_] gonna have kids?

AM I...
[_] smart?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] cool?
[_] lovable?
[_] adorable?
[_] compassionate?
[_] annoying?
[_] great to be with?
[_] attractive?
[_] mean?
[_] odd?

Fill this out...then I'll know who REALLY loves me :3
HAVE YOU EVER...
[_] thought about me?
[_] thought there might be an "us"?
[_] thought about hookin' up with me?
[_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] grabbed me?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] idolized me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?

ARE YOU...
[_] happy you know me?
[_] mad at me?
[_] thinkin' bout me?
[_] going to repost this in your journal so that i will return the favor (...please?)

Well, Midwest Furfest is coming up in a couple of weekends. This is a weird time for me because even though it's now my "hometown" convention (as I now live an hour and some change from where it's held), my current situation doesn't look too good at me attending this year. I kind of suspected that my move to Milwaukee might affect me this way, but I wasn't prepared for things to be like this.

As of right now, I'm still unemployed...meaning no money coming in for the fox. I'm not THAT bad off, though. I've had a couple of preliminary interviews for jobs, and as far as I know, I'm still in the running for both positions. But no one gets paid to wait for a potential employer to call back with the news - good or bad. So at this point, I'm still in limbo jobwise. That means that as of right now, I won't be able to make even a day trip to Chicago for MFF.

I know some friends who thought that they weren't going to be attending MFF, but will now be there. To them, I wish them the best of times. I'll keep my paws crossed that my circumstances will change and I'll be able to join you for at least one day of the convention...but until then, I'm stuck at home waiting.

Take care,
Colin

This was stolen from  waggable...I liked the idea and thought I'd see what could come of this.

Answer the following questions in a response below:

1. Your fursona name spelled backwards:

2. Your fursona age in dog years:

3. What color do you love the most?

4. Is your fursona a virgin?

5. What would your fursona taste like if licked?

6. What cheese is most like your fursona and why?

7. Insert something random here:

9. Would you walk on the beach with me?

10. What happened to number 8?

11. If you could ask me one question, what would it be?

12. Would you change anything about me?

13. Would you ever come over for no reason just to hang out with me?

14. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to let you all know that I may not be on the computer again for a couple days. I'm in the process of packing up my things and getting ready to move to Wisconsin...and I'm super-excited because this move means the official start of the new chapter in my life with my mate,  mightytauren

I'm sorry if I gave anyone the impression that I was already there, but there were some things I needed to take care of back in Ohio before I could move. But tomorrow, it will be official! I can't wait for my new life to begin, and I can't wait to be in my mate's arms once again.

Needless to say, I won't have any computer access for a couple days, but if anyone is curious as to why, now you know. I'll try to be back online as quickly as I can, though.

So...see all of you again soon!

Take care,
Colin

It's been WAY too long since I've done one of these things...

First off, I'll say in advance that if you're going to Anthrocon next month, I hope you have the best time of your life. AC has been an important part of my furry life for the past eight years, and I feel honored to have been on staff for the past two years. Unfortunately, 2012 will be a "non-Anthrocon" year for me. While most of the furry world will be in Pittsburgh having fun, I'll be spending that weekend moving out of my apartment.

And there will begin the interlude between chapters in my life.

For two months afterward I will be "in transit" as I settle things at my current place of employment, then I will be moving out of Ohio to start a new full-time life in Wisconsin. It's an exciting change in my life that I can't wait to start, and yet at the same time, it's frightening as well. Even though this decision has been several months in the making, I'll admit that at times it feels as though I'm not ready for it yet. There are so many unknowns out there, and I'm quite a bit more cautious about things than I was a decade or so ago. But, I also feel that if I were to stay where I am now, I would be cheating myself out of a richer life.

SOOO...if there are any Wisconsin Furs out there who are following me, you'll soon have someone new to show around.

And finally, a personal note to one WI-Fur in particular...I hope and pray that this will be the start of many MANY years of happiness together. I love you so much.

So, I was going over my Twitter feed a few minutes ago, and saw a message regarding Fernando's. The person who made this message didn't mention the name, but I caught the inference:

"$20K could do better going to animal rescues, homeless shelters, etc. Instead it went to a mediocre sandwich shop. #GoodJobFurries"

I'm torn about this...and here's why.

Yes, the money COULD have gone elsewhere. It could've gone to causes that were much more "worthwhile". Heck, with the brainpower in this fandom, why stop at money? We COULD have already cured AIDS, created a means of harnessing clean, sustainable energy for everyone, and solved all of the world's political crises. The power of change in this fandom is nearly limitless if we could only apply our gray matter to these things...

...but back to my original point. We CHOSE to give our money to a business that has been good to the furry fandom but was in need of a helping hand. And there have been many generous people who CHOSE to open their wallets to help the person who started this restaurant which has fed many people in the time while the furries WEREN'T taking over the place. A man who humbly requested a bit of help to stay in business a bit longer than would have been possible. What's the harm in that?

There's another problem with the Tweet. The person who made it is a fursuiter.

Now, am I wrong for thinking, "You make a claim about furries throwing money at something YOU think is not worth it...and yet you spent HOW MUCH MONEY on your suit? How much time (and more money) have you spent going to specialized events that allow you to wear your suit in public? And how many people outside of our fandom do you really think would look upon what YOU do as a waste of time and money? How many animal shelters could you have helped...or homeless people could youhave fed?"

*sigh* I guess my point is that no matter what cause we take, there will always be someone who will criticize them for not doing enough. There will always be those who see what they've done as a waste of time, or a waste of funds that could've been used elsewhere, for greater things. But if you belong to a subculture of people who do what others might call "frivolous things"...then who the hell are you to judge others?

Sorry...it's late, I'm tired and I can't get to bed without getting that off my chest. Maybe after some sleep I'll feel better. :-P

The 2011 edition of Midwest FurFest has come and gone. Believe it or not, this is the first convention this year which I've had absolutely no responsibilities towards anyone, as I was on staff for FCN and Anthrocon. It felt a bit weird at first having time on my hands to actually take in the convention, and I was wondering if I would be able to fill the time. But I did, and I ended up making some fantastic memories for myself and, hopefully, others along the way.

SHOUT-OUTS:*
-  mightytauren - Thank you for entrusting the character now known as Nahren to me...he deserves to be shown and I hope I'll do right for him. My only regret is that we didn't spend as much time together as I hoped we would. I promise...I'll make it up to you somehow.
-  coyotesnack OMG...seeing you at MFF was by far the biggest surprise of the convention for me. I don't know how you managed to do it, but I'm glad you did. Also, your set during the Dead Dog Party was EPIC! Great to see you again.
- "Team Stormfire" (aka  firestormsix,  deoge, and  howiepup) - it's always a great pleasure to see you at a convention. Zeke turned out beautifully, and I loved being able to introduce you to my adopted...I hope we'll get opportunities in the future to romp around together!
- "Team Moosie" (aka  dineegla and  musclewolf) - You are a beautiful couple and a great inspiration to me in more ways than you probably will understand. One of the biggest thrills for me was seeing the look on Dineegla's face when he realized who it was that was nuzzling him during the Fursuit parade. And yet, I can't help but feel as though I let you down with a promise I made to you that I couldn't fulfill. If I could go back in time and change things, I would...but I can't. I'm sorry.
-  sodalite - Many MANY thanks to you for letting me room with you again this year. If all goes well next year, it would be an honor for me to make it #3. And finally,
- The Organizers, Staff Members and Volunteers of Midwest FurFest 2011: THANK YOU for all of the hard work that you've done. You have helped to make this gathering of random furs the major event that it is today, and I for one enjoyed myself thoroughly. See you all in 2012!!
* There are probably many others who should be listed here, but if you don't see your name, please know that it's only due to my advanced decay of my memory...you are in my thoughts and I am thankful for the small amount of time we spent together.

Has anyone here ever had an offer made to them that sounded really good at first...but then seemed later like there's no reason at all why that offer should've been made to you? Has the thought of accepting such an offer left you with a hollow feeling of being...well, dirty?

I think I have that feeling now. It's...depressingly weird.

Wow. Just...wow.

It's going to take me a while to clear my head enough to put together my thoughts as far as this convention, but I couldn't let things go without a few shout-outs.

 kuddlepup - Thank you for giving me the chance to once again be on staff for Anthrocon.
 sparkybluefox and  craftyandy - Thank you for rooming with me...I just wish we could've spent more time hanging out at AC.
"Team Canada" (aka  firestormsix,  deoge and  howiepup) - It's always a pleasure to see you guys at a convention. Howie, I have a new-found respect for you as a person...you are awesome and I'm proud to be able to know you.
 bucktowntiger - You were there at my lowest point during the convention. Had it not been for you, I would've bailed on Pittsburgh. Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding...and most of all, for getting me to laugh again.

Special thanks goes out to all the fursuiters who at one point passed through the "magic curtain" of the Headless Lounge, the volunteers who gave up their convention time to assist me (you know exactly who you are), and most of all, to Anthrocon chairman Uncle Kage for shocking the hell out of me by acknowledging me in front of 4400 attendees during Closing Ceremonies. Like I said...wow. :-D

As for right now, though...I need to get so*thud* zzzzzzzz...

I was just browsing through the pictures available on FA...I was bored, it's cold outside and I really didn't feel like doing anything else. Anyway, FA - or any furry art site, for that matter - can be a wonderful place to just explore if you stop long enough to do so. A multitude of characters in just about every body type, in every state of dress (or undress), doing things both family-friendly and downright sinful.

Then it hit me. I've been on this site for a few years now, and have faved just about every conceivable type of art picture at one point or another. But the one thing that is really missing from my collection is anything representing my personal character.

It got me to wondering why this was. It's not like I can't afford to commission artists to draw my two existing fursonnas...I can if I wanted to...but...I haven't. And then it occurred to me that I just don't have any vision for my characters that I could give to an artist to go nuts on and create something that could contribute greatly to the traffic of this website.

This might sound a bit nuts, but I'll ask this anyway: Is there anyone else on my watchlist who is in the same situation I'm in? I mean, the more I think about it, the more I come back to the only reason I can think of as to why this is the case. I think I might actually be afraid to dream big as far as my character.

Within this site, there are literally hundreds (possibly thousands) of artists who have the talent to take a character description and a brief storyline or scene idea and transform it into something truly magical - whether it be in drawn form or written form. Is it crazy of me to not take advantage of such a pool of talent to expand my own vision of what could be in my fantasy life?

...or am I just talking crazy?

(I have to wonder at times...) :-P