trying to catch up on uploads

sorry

Looking forward to becoming a cat dad

Owner jumped my car and expressed willingness to help with cash advance if needed (to prideful to ask for last part)

Cute harem art of colt with all of domi's girls

Currently i have flat to myself

New coworker i vibe with and get positive energy from

Looking forward to flying out to family for Thanksgiving

Working on getting vtuber design with a designer i trust

Lewd art tbd with Alyessa

Allll we gotta do is live and die and im single and gona cry
Werking werking cause lifes no fun

Voids into gaeming

sometimes you remember a old flame you wish had made it through and that you could of made things work with. parted on good terms and hoping they are doing well.

i miss my bubble wrap glow stick loving husky hope she is well and happy.

I asked myself "what would make you happy?" And not in a uplift mood temporarily kind of way something that would be a a cherished memory.

I couldn't think of one single thing. I've been so focused on having a family and convinced that would bring me happiness that I honestly don't know anything else that would make me happy.

Honestly a family was the last dream i had that i hadn't given up on. But now its just in the trash pile of dreams that i no longer even have a hope for. There with being a chef, writing a mythological bestiary, owning my own restaurant and being a blacksmith.

Not to say i don't enjoy things. I enjoy chatting with my friends, swimming, cooking, reading, video games, being of service to others but none of these make me happy.

Been trying to not be so self toxic lately but that's just been mostly bottling it so i don't upset my friends with my bad moods.

I don't know how ima going to fix this. Its pretty ingrained into my personality at this point.

Tl;dr

Midlife crisis maybe

art flooded maybe?

well that was a pain but i got obs and my switch to talk. no mic though kills all the game sound when plugged in. but can stram pokemans god mode game gona do a nuzlock on first play through so ima probly die real fast. o>

To tired to delete last journal so hiding it via bump

Negitive

I never was and never will be good enough.

Not righteous enough for my faith
Not good enough to get the good job
Not brave enough to take the leap
Not strong enough to say no
Not bad enough to be hated
Not dangerous enough to be desired
Not gay enough to be a popular furry
Not acceping enough to live in a politicaly correct world
Not brazen enough to speak my mind
Not talented enough to be popular
Not even dedicated enough to finish a simple cook book and say i achieved becoming a chef.

I have family that love me a few friends that stick by me. For which im thankful.

But im hollow at this point i dont know that im even capable of loving someone. I mean i cant even love myself.

Tried for 3 months to stop putting myself down. To no availe life got harder ive developed a permanent feeling my boss hates me and is out to get me.

All of my siblings have good careers most have homes. What do i have nothing. I live in a college size dorm no kitchen just a microwave and i live on a few bites from work and a ramen and maybe a few snacks.

I cope for not having a family of my own by my charecters having outlandish large family's

All i ever wanted was a family and the means to support them. But i should give that up to.

Going through my gallery i found these charecters. A couple i feel i may have given away. If you see one i gave to you lemme know. I will require some proof.


https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30729597/ Elidi
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26424819/ Taylor Vale
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25168989/ Idrillia
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24056919/ Scarlett
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14290562/ Thundar Rilver (beast)
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11235045/ victoria
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/7610898/ Cherina
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/6320998/ Nitemare
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5752540/ Mithandril
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5720743/ Jamila
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5138579/ lil drg boi
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5110985/ Mira
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5095137/ Lethae
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/4954937/ Hilia
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/4884436/ Selresia

If fa tells you i deleted a bunch of stuff but sorry if it did. Cleaning out some old relationship things and a few traded charecters

Be so offended and go and white knight people not associated with something

Getting to the point you cant like a thing/culture/race or not like a thing/culture/race without some entitled dick jumping down your throat and saying you stole some cultures identity or your racist sexists or some otherist because they dont like something you said.

Someone will probably read this and be like so you condone such an such or accuse me of something. Well whatever. Your entitled to your opinion as well as am i.

I loved this community because this bs drama didn't exist. But well people got to drag there garbage everywhere they go so eh whatever.

Be who you want. Your character while they represent you and who you'd like to be. Doesnt make them evil. Unless thats who they are of coarse.

Yall start harping to much on peoples designs saying there insensitive gona make things worse not better.

Link me a char of yours and one of mine youd like to see together

Can be sfw nsfw excetera

Closed

For my friends that have s/o

For the rest of us borked peoples

Roses are red
This one is blue
This is my heart
And it will n'er belong to you.

Feeekkkk kidney stones! >8C

Sudden abdominal pain
Took pepto cause oop stomache ache
Pain intencifies
Call friend to take to er
Er tests then waiting
You passed a kidney stone into yo bladder you should be fine
More waits

Finally home

Feeekkkk kidney stones! >8C

Sudden abdominal pain
Took pepto cause oop stomache ache
Pain intencifies
Call friend to take to er
Er tests then waiting
You passed a kidney stone into yo bladder you should be fine
More waits

Finally home

I wonder if i can become less self destructive/self loathing...

Probly not but maybe hope exisits somewhere

Night my lovely friends i live for you and my family so i might not cause you pain.

Im just a man who thinks cornbread is goooOoOood

Aww lords please dont let me be misunderstood

And ill cry if i want to

People add you to talk and never even talk to you.

Hope yall made it through this roller coaster. I did though barely.

I once again feel alone in the world. I have dear and cherished friends and family that care for me. But they dont fill the hole of desiring a partner. Maybe im just feeling down due to being away from family on the one Holiday i care about.

Work has scared me via saying you can get Coronachan a second time. After barely surviving our frist date im sure i wouldn't survive a second.

Christmas to me is celebrating the birth and life of Christ. Showing those you love that you care. Reforging the bonds of family. Careing for those near or far. And wishing everyone a joyfull time of love respect and gratitude.

I as Domi will attest am a giver. When i care for someone i express this care in the form of gifts. This year being what it has has nuetered my ability to gift the way i wanted.

To my friends i love you and care deeply about you.

My wishes for 2021
Permanent job offer
Appartment to call my own
Ford 2021 full sized Bronco or Bronco sport
Fill the missing part of my heart
A pet cat.

Thank you god for my family, my friends, and my life.

May you all seek and find happiness next year and may the good times out shine the dark.

Coltores/James

Anyone interested in getting a sex pic with one of my chars? Maybe a preg pic and adopt char after?

So i still imagine i can hear her mewls her running feet and sometimes even her purr. She is and always was family. Would i pick fights with her? Yes. Did expect certain actions for certain things? Yes. Did i cuddle her because i knew it bothered her slightly? Yes. Did i love her? Yes. Did i ever expect her to change who she was? No. She was a fiercely independent cat who loved sunshine warm blankets and scratch posts. A excellent mouser who enjoyed crunching the heads of her prey and then devouring them.

To me she was family, as valued to me as any other sibling maybe more so because i felt we bonded. Never been one to condone any kind of abuse human or animal.

I guess this is where i get my view on master pet relationships.

I miss you Gerta "goose" p. I know your in a happier place and hope i may see you again. Your departure left a hole in my heart that will not soon be filled and only made my capacity to love better.

Kitty going to heaven tomorrow

I love you Gerta Goose P.

I will miss you greatest of mousers

A close friend of mine was in a bad wreck on his way home from Idaho to Texas and is in the icu any prayers well wishes you could direct his way would be appreciated

He has recovered and is doing well