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Happy Paw Day Everyone!!
Posted 12 years agoMan I love this day! "Murrs loudly"
Thankyou All
Posted 12 years agoI just wanted to thank the people who were there for me when I made my previous journal statement, and I'm sorry for writing it things just get to much sometimes and I worry, but I see that I have some great friends I never want to lose and the fandom means so much to me as it gives me purpose and a place I can call home.
I wont be leaving the fandom because that's not going to make the problems go away, being in the fandom and being surrounded by such great friends is the reason why I can keep fighting through this depression and pull myself back out of it, I have people who care for me and that gives me the strength to carry on.
As for my fursona change, I have decided to remain as the name Tane, but change my species, to a German Shepherd x Raptor ( probably a Deinonychus or Velociraptor, not fully decided that part yet).
The reason for this is when I joined the fandom I was originally called Dinoboy and my fursona was a Velociraptor, then that name changed to Tane and then eventually I became a German shepherd, then I changed to diesel who was a Dracorex, then once again changed back to Tane the German Shepherd, so I thought that since I like both dinosaurs and canines that I will combine the two, I think this would suit me better.
And as much as I love Mass Effect and being Commander Shepherd, I am trying to be something I'm not, I need to make my own fursona with his own back story etc, I need to be myself.
Now I just need to find an artist to draw my idea ^^
Once again thank you all for being there for me, it really does mean a lot
I wont be leaving the fandom because that's not going to make the problems go away, being in the fandom and being surrounded by such great friends is the reason why I can keep fighting through this depression and pull myself back out of it, I have people who care for me and that gives me the strength to carry on.
As for my fursona change, I have decided to remain as the name Tane, but change my species, to a German Shepherd x Raptor ( probably a Deinonychus or Velociraptor, not fully decided that part yet).
The reason for this is when I joined the fandom I was originally called Dinoboy and my fursona was a Velociraptor, then that name changed to Tane and then eventually I became a German shepherd, then I changed to diesel who was a Dracorex, then once again changed back to Tane the German Shepherd, so I thought that since I like both dinosaurs and canines that I will combine the two, I think this would suit me better.
And as much as I love Mass Effect and being Commander Shepherd, I am trying to be something I'm not, I need to make my own fursona with his own back story etc, I need to be myself.
Now I just need to find an artist to draw my idea ^^
Once again thank you all for being there for me, it really does mean a lot
Do I belong here?
Posted 12 years agoLately I have been thinking of changing my fursona, because honestly I am not proud of the baggage Tane has, I have hurt so many people with my depression and lost so many friends and fucked up relationships, and maybe changing my fursona wont change that.
So I have been thinking maybe I should just leave the fandom altogether, I cant see myself getting better anytime soon and even though i seem to have people around me, I have never felt so alone in all my life... And lets face it i deserve it after all I have done, I don't deserve friends or to be in a relationship, and anyway who wants an emotional fuck up like me in their life?
No one does, when I go to meets I don't know anyone there anymore and people never want to talk to me, once again I'm just the social reject like I have been all my life, so maybe I should just go for good...
So I have been thinking maybe I should just leave the fandom altogether, I cant see myself getting better anytime soon and even though i seem to have people around me, I have never felt so alone in all my life... And lets face it i deserve it after all I have done, I don't deserve friends or to be in a relationship, and anyway who wants an emotional fuck up like me in their life?
No one does, when I go to meets I don't know anyone there anymore and people never want to talk to me, once again I'm just the social reject like I have been all my life, so maybe I should just go for good...
Fursona Change Ideas
Posted 12 years agoHey guys
I have been having a lot of thoughts lately of changing my fursona and thought of a couple of species ideas, let me know your opinions on them and if you think they would suit me fursona wise.
1. German Shepherd x Raptor (was thinking something like Deinonychus)
2. German Shepherd x Demon ( or just a hell hound)
3. Stick as Commander Tane Shepard
If I do decide to change my fursona I have some names I have thought of
Shane
Akazia
I would appreciate any feedback, I'm having a bit of an identity crisis at the moment
I have been having a lot of thoughts lately of changing my fursona and thought of a couple of species ideas, let me know your opinions on them and if you think they would suit me fursona wise.
1. German Shepherd x Raptor (was thinking something like Deinonychus)
2. German Shepherd x Demon ( or just a hell hound)
3. Stick as Commander Tane Shepard
If I do decide to change my fursona I have some names I have thought of
Shane
Akazia
I would appreciate any feedback, I'm having a bit of an identity crisis at the moment
Mass Effect 3 The Correct Ending? *spoilers*
Posted 12 years agoThis has been a topic up for debate since the game came out, but is there actually a ''correct'' ending to the game?
Mass Effect is a game about making different choices as a player you can chose what the outcome is going to be and how it impacts the story line, and in the end is there a right choice or is it down to how the player wants the game to end.
Here are the endings and some explanations in to whats good and bad about them
Destroy Ending
This is what you have always set out to do, since the start of the game, now this choice can seem like the right choice but it comes with a cost, as it wipes out EDI and the Geth, which if you haven't united the quarians and the geth or aren't to bothered about EDI then this choice doesn't seem that bad to you, but if you are like me and you have united them and love EDI to bits then even though this option seems right you do not want to go ahead with it.
But you have to ask yourself, if EDI and the Geth knew that their death would destroy the reapers would they want you to go ahead with it, and the star child says your children will create synthetics and the chaos will come back, but how are we certain this will happen? we are going off the word of our greatest enemy so it might not be true, you also have to remember what the reapers have done, they aren't just harvesting all life and preserving it, they are turning people into monsters and turning them against their own people, so there does seem to be some malice there.
Control Ending
If you play a paragon control ending does seem the right way to go, as you aren't destroying the Geth and EDI, the citadel stays intact, but you are doing what the illusive man wanted to do and control the reapers, and whats to say the power might get to much and the reapers start over again, not to mention that all the creatures the reapers made are still going to be alive, and to be fair is that any life for them?
But maybe control is the right way to go instead of just destroying the reapers you use them for your advantage in protecting and rebuilding the galaxy, but you have to admit, the music does seem rather dark when Shepard is explaining what happens .
Synthesis Ending
In this ending you combine all synthetic and organic life, I have to admit on my first play through this is the option I picked as it seemed the most logical at the time, you create new life by combining organic and synthetics and as a result manage to use all the information from the harvested species to further civilization and bring so its not all a waste for the harvested species as their knowledge is passed on, but is it right to do this, you are changing all life in the galaxy should anyone have that much power?
You are told that eventually life will reach this point so whats the harm in speeding up the process if it saves everyone, but as I said in the control ending, all the creatures created by the reapers will still be alive and is this any kind of life for them?
Refusal Ending
In this ending you refuse any of the options and decide to let the cycle continue and try and fight the reapers, which results in you becoming the next protheans, warning the next cycle about the reapers which allows the next cycle to defeat the reapers.
Personally I do not see this as an ending and was just created for the people who did not like the 3 ending options so I would never pick this option, but there are people out there who would and if that's how they want their game to turn out then isn't that what the game is about, the players decisions?
As I said earlier there is no correct ending to the game it is what the player decides is the correct ending, for me I am torn between destroy and control, and I do wonder if they make a mass effect 4, how they are going to include these choices the player has made into the game, but I have heard rumors of a prequel.
So which endings do people prefer and why?
will be good to see what everyone thinks ^^
Mass Effect is a game about making different choices as a player you can chose what the outcome is going to be and how it impacts the story line, and in the end is there a right choice or is it down to how the player wants the game to end.
Here are the endings and some explanations in to whats good and bad about them
Destroy Ending
This is what you have always set out to do, since the start of the game, now this choice can seem like the right choice but it comes with a cost, as it wipes out EDI and the Geth, which if you haven't united the quarians and the geth or aren't to bothered about EDI then this choice doesn't seem that bad to you, but if you are like me and you have united them and love EDI to bits then even though this option seems right you do not want to go ahead with it.
But you have to ask yourself, if EDI and the Geth knew that their death would destroy the reapers would they want you to go ahead with it, and the star child says your children will create synthetics and the chaos will come back, but how are we certain this will happen? we are going off the word of our greatest enemy so it might not be true, you also have to remember what the reapers have done, they aren't just harvesting all life and preserving it, they are turning people into monsters and turning them against their own people, so there does seem to be some malice there.
Control Ending
If you play a paragon control ending does seem the right way to go, as you aren't destroying the Geth and EDI, the citadel stays intact, but you are doing what the illusive man wanted to do and control the reapers, and whats to say the power might get to much and the reapers start over again, not to mention that all the creatures the reapers made are still going to be alive, and to be fair is that any life for them?
But maybe control is the right way to go instead of just destroying the reapers you use them for your advantage in protecting and rebuilding the galaxy, but you have to admit, the music does seem rather dark when Shepard is explaining what happens .
Synthesis Ending
In this ending you combine all synthetic and organic life, I have to admit on my first play through this is the option I picked as it seemed the most logical at the time, you create new life by combining organic and synthetics and as a result manage to use all the information from the harvested species to further civilization and bring so its not all a waste for the harvested species as their knowledge is passed on, but is it right to do this, you are changing all life in the galaxy should anyone have that much power?
You are told that eventually life will reach this point so whats the harm in speeding up the process if it saves everyone, but as I said in the control ending, all the creatures created by the reapers will still be alive and is this any kind of life for them?
Refusal Ending
In this ending you refuse any of the options and decide to let the cycle continue and try and fight the reapers, which results in you becoming the next protheans, warning the next cycle about the reapers which allows the next cycle to defeat the reapers.
Personally I do not see this as an ending and was just created for the people who did not like the 3 ending options so I would never pick this option, but there are people out there who would and if that's how they want their game to turn out then isn't that what the game is about, the players decisions?
As I said earlier there is no correct ending to the game it is what the player decides is the correct ending, for me I am torn between destroy and control, and I do wonder if they make a mass effect 4, how they are going to include these choices the player has made into the game, but I have heard rumors of a prequel.
So which endings do people prefer and why?
will be good to see what everyone thinks ^^
Should My Fursona Be Commander Shepard?
Posted 12 years agoI have been doing some thinking today about whether or not my fursona should carry on being based off commander Shepard from Mass Effect.
I really love the games and love the idea of my fursona being like Shepard but one of the great things about being a furry is making this unique fursona in your image or what you want to be, personally mine wants to be like Shepard but when I think about it, their is no originality in the idea, I am just basing my character of someone else s story and instead I think I should be focusing on my own idea and back story.
This way I can write my own stories etc, and I'm not trying to be someone else, instead I'm being my own person, when I first joined the fandom I had a couple of different fursona changes from a raptor to a dracorex then I decided to be a German shepherd, I have to admit though, I am really into my reptiles but then again I do like German shepherds.
So what do people think, should I carry on being Commander Tane Shepard the German Shepherd or should I remake my fursona and if so what species do you think would suit me best?
I will decide for myself in the end what I do, I just wanted to get a bit of feedback
I really love the games and love the idea of my fursona being like Shepard but one of the great things about being a furry is making this unique fursona in your image or what you want to be, personally mine wants to be like Shepard but when I think about it, their is no originality in the idea, I am just basing my character of someone else s story and instead I think I should be focusing on my own idea and back story.
This way I can write my own stories etc, and I'm not trying to be someone else, instead I'm being my own person, when I first joined the fandom I had a couple of different fursona changes from a raptor to a dracorex then I decided to be a German shepherd, I have to admit though, I am really into my reptiles but then again I do like German shepherds.
So what do people think, should I carry on being Commander Tane Shepard the German Shepherd or should I remake my fursona and if so what species do you think would suit me best?
I will decide for myself in the end what I do, I just wanted to get a bit of feedback
New Character Idea: Axel The Ant
Posted 12 years agoI know a lot of people who have multiple fursona's and I was thinking of making one for myself called Axel who is an ant
Why an ant?
Well as some people know I am a massive macro/micro paw and vore fan (you just have to see my favorites for that :P) so I thought I would make a micro character I can role-play with etc and because hes an ant it makes him micro.
In the past I have gotten commissions of Commander Tane Shepard shrunk down to a micro, as fun as it was Commander Tane Shepard is my main serious fursona so having him shrunk down is a bit unrealistic for me and I would rather have him in more serious commissions.
And don't worry I'm sure my two characters can make a crossover at some point ;)
So what do you guys think to this idea?
Why an ant?
Well as some people know I am a massive macro/micro paw and vore fan (you just have to see my favorites for that :P) so I thought I would make a micro character I can role-play with etc and because hes an ant it makes him micro.
In the past I have gotten commissions of Commander Tane Shepard shrunk down to a micro, as fun as it was Commander Tane Shepard is my main serious fursona so having him shrunk down is a bit unrealistic for me and I would rather have him in more serious commissions.
And don't worry I'm sure my two characters can make a crossover at some point ;)
So what do you guys think to this idea?
Cutting My Break Short After a Moment of Realization
Posted 12 years agoHey all
During my time away I have been thinking and I have had a moment of realization, I thought just taking a break from the fandom would be the best idea but really this would be a bad idea.
For those of you who have known me for a long time you know that I suffer from really bad depression and there have been moments were things have been really bad just like lately, I have tried to get help in the past by seeing councilors but its always seemed rushed and I have never stuck to it because once I start feeling better again I think I have gotten over it, but the fact is it is something I need to work long and hard with.
I have pushed a lot of people away in my life and for all of those still with me it means so much and I owe it not just to myself but to all my friends to get better, I have done some things I am not proud of and quite frankly been really horrible to some people and I don't know how it gets to that stage, but that person is not me, the person I am is very caring and loyal to my friends who likes to have a laugh and would do anything for my friends.
Its really hard to explain what goes on in my mind when I'm depressed and things can just trigger it off, but I just turn into this whole different person, all my life I have been isolated from social groups because I have been '' the loser'' or ''the freak'' but im to damn nice that I would do anything for anyone just to feel accepted so I would be a doormat for people and then be treated like crap and then when I get upset about it its my fault?
The reason why it would be a bad idea to take a break from the fandom is because this is where I belong, here there are people like me and who understand me and what I am into, but the problem is I'm starting to feel isolated again even within the fandom and I think this is my own doing, after pushing people away, in my head I feel that people in the fandom know who I am and as soon as they hear my name they think '' that depressed asshole'' but maybe this is all in my head.
I just don't want to be known as that guy because I am not that person, but if I do keep getting depressed like then that's what people are going to think and it really needs to stop, I feel like I cant go to meets sometimes because people don't want me there, I really need to get a control on this, what also worries me is I find it hard getting close to people, whenever I meet someone I seem to just ruin the relationship, its like I turn into this other person who tells me I don't deserve to be happy so they ruin it, if this hadn't happened maybe I would of still been with the person I loved...
This has gone on long enough, I am sick of feeling like this and ruining things, I have been blaming my depression for things to much and it has been apart of my life for too long, this is my life and I choose how to live it, I understand that I have burnt some bridges beyond repair and I cant do anything about that, but the fact this bothers me so much and that I want it to end shows I am a good person, I need to move forward with my life and with the people I care about because they wouldn't be with me if they didn't see the good in me, so I owe it to them as well as myself to get better.
I need to socialize more and just jump right into things like fur meets and meeting new people and if people don't like me I shouldn't take it so personal, but I need to start living my life, because its only getting shorter and shorter and I have so much to look forward too like starting university this year, I see the doctor tomorrow and I'm going to talk to him about my depression and see what he things, but the fact I can still pull myself up after all this time, shows I still have strength to get through this.
and with all the important people in my life ( you know who you are) then I will get through this.
with any luck this will be my last emotional post
Taking a Break
Posted 12 years agoI know I haven't been posting stuff lately but I am having personal issues at the moment and I need to take a step back and sort my life out for good this time, I need to get away from the fandom a bit, I have hurt to many people and lost to many friends while being apart of this fandom and every time I meet someone new I get reminded of it and just ruin the relationship.
I cant look out for others if I cant look out for myself because when I'm not depressed I'm a kind fun caring guy but I have this side of me which ruins all that and I cant continue to make new friends in the fandom if I have this side of me, I am not a bad guy but when I push people away I feel like I am, I have tried to get help in the past and at one point I was better but then things just got worse again.
I need to put everything on hold and concentrate on getting my head clear for good this time, I don't know how long its going to take but I need to do this before I lose anymore people in my life.
I cant look out for others if I cant look out for myself because when I'm not depressed I'm a kind fun caring guy but I have this side of me which ruins all that and I cant continue to make new friends in the fandom if I have this side of me, I am not a bad guy but when I push people away I feel like I am, I have tried to get help in the past and at one point I was better but then things just got worse again.
I need to put everything on hold and concentrate on getting my head clear for good this time, I don't know how long its going to take but I need to do this before I lose anymore people in my life.
Gmod Comics Requests
Posted 12 years agoSo as some of you know I have started making macro/micro and vore comics in Gmod, and I have got a lot of watches and faves.
Thank you again all!
The problem I am having now though is that I am running out of ideas and want to give people a chance to send a request of what and who they would like to see in the comic.
Just a reminder however that I am no expert at Gmod and the comics you have seen is just about the best I can do, It will be a long time before I can do animations etc.
Feel free to reply to this journal with your request and I will try my best to make it for you if I have the characters etc.
Also if people would like to add me on steam and work with me that would be great, my steam is dinoboy75 or just look for commandertaneshepard
^_^
Thank you again all!
The problem I am having now though is that I am running out of ideas and want to give people a chance to send a request of what and who they would like to see in the comic.
Just a reminder however that I am no expert at Gmod and the comics you have seen is just about the best I can do, It will be a long time before I can do animations etc.
Feel free to reply to this journal with your request and I will try my best to make it for you if I have the characters etc.
Also if people would like to add me on steam and work with me that would be great, my steam is dinoboy75 or just look for commandertaneshepard
^_^
Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody Toooo .... Love!?
Posted 12 years agoI'm really sick of being alone and having all the valentine stuff out at work to remind me that I'm alone is not helping :(
I have been having mixed feelings most of my life of which gender I am attracted to, when I was growing up family and society told me I had to be straight and to this day that's what my family wants me to be.
But I always had some feeling towards men, but now in this day and age being gay is accepted and I feel more open about it, I have had a boyfriend before and I admit it was one of the happiest times in my life, but then I had a girlfriend before that and that was also one of my happiest times in my life.
So I don't know anymore, I find myself attracted to men and women and all I want is that special someone in my life to love again, be that a girl or guy as long as that person makes me feel happy and treats me right that's all I want.
I have been having mixed feelings most of my life of which gender I am attracted to, when I was growing up family and society told me I had to be straight and to this day that's what my family wants me to be.
But I always had some feeling towards men, but now in this day and age being gay is accepted and I feel more open about it, I have had a boyfriend before and I admit it was one of the happiest times in my life, but then I had a girlfriend before that and that was also one of my happiest times in my life.
So I don't know anymore, I find myself attracted to men and women and all I want is that special someone in my life to love again, be that a girl or guy as long as that person makes me feel happy and treats me right that's all I want.
Did you know...
Posted 12 years agoDugtrio's are Diglett's having a threesome?
New Year New Start
Posted 12 years agoHappy new year everyone!
We all survived 2012 I hope everyone has a great new year for 2013
Here is my new years revolution, which I am really going to try and stick to, because I think now is as good as time of any to change my life.
1. overcome my depression once and for all, I'm a nice person who helps a lot of people and I deserve to be happy.
2. Make more of my Level 3 Diploma in Animal Management, either by going to uni and extending it, or try my hardest to find an animal care job, I am so sick of doing 10 hour shifts stocking shelves in a shop, where I am talked down too and treated like a nobody, I should be out there rescuing animals and caring for them, at the moment my talents are wasted and this is what is causing a major part of my depression
3. Move out and find my own place, OK so I do actually get on with my parents but I'm 24 and need some freedom in my life, but unfortunately this country is geared out to help the people who cant be bothered and don't try to support themselves or contribute to society, ( by the way not getting at anyone who is on benefits here, I know a lot of my friends are on benefits and they have degrees etc and I know its hard to find work) I'm talking about the people who come out of school and don't even try to get work, but somehow can seem to afford more luxury than me who has been working since I was even in school, they just find a girl pop out some kids, claim they have a bad back and they are all set.
sorry rambled a bit on that 3rd one but its something which really gets on my nerves, I really want out of this country, I want to move to somewhere like Canada work with animals etc, If I had the opportunity to do that then you can bet my life I will snap up that opportunity in a heart beat, and that's what I want this year to be about, the year I finally get of my ass and become the man I am meant to be!
We all survived 2012 I hope everyone has a great new year for 2013
Here is my new years revolution, which I am really going to try and stick to, because I think now is as good as time of any to change my life.
1. overcome my depression once and for all, I'm a nice person who helps a lot of people and I deserve to be happy.
2. Make more of my Level 3 Diploma in Animal Management, either by going to uni and extending it, or try my hardest to find an animal care job, I am so sick of doing 10 hour shifts stocking shelves in a shop, where I am talked down too and treated like a nobody, I should be out there rescuing animals and caring for them, at the moment my talents are wasted and this is what is causing a major part of my depression
3. Move out and find my own place, OK so I do actually get on with my parents but I'm 24 and need some freedom in my life, but unfortunately this country is geared out to help the people who cant be bothered and don't try to support themselves or contribute to society, ( by the way not getting at anyone who is on benefits here, I know a lot of my friends are on benefits and they have degrees etc and I know its hard to find work) I'm talking about the people who come out of school and don't even try to get work, but somehow can seem to afford more luxury than me who has been working since I was even in school, they just find a girl pop out some kids, claim they have a bad back and they are all set.
sorry rambled a bit on that 3rd one but its something which really gets on my nerves, I really want out of this country, I want to move to somewhere like Canada work with animals etc, If I had the opportunity to do that then you can bet my life I will snap up that opportunity in a heart beat, and that's what I want this year to be about, the year I finally get of my ass and become the man I am meant to be!
The Secret World Free to Play
Posted 12 years agoSo The Secret World, has gone free to play,
This is an MMORPG I have been playing for a while and I am really enjoying, does anyone else play this game, if so what faction?
My brother runs an Illuminati guild and we are looking for more members, so if anyone does have this game or fancies trying it out let me know and I will get you an invite, you do have to be 18+ however, we have a lot of fun doing groups every night and raiding Wednesdays and Sundays.
Here is a link to the game website so you can find out more about the game
http://www.thesecretworld.com/
And here is a link to our guild
http://www.shadowsofthedragon.com/
My name in game is CommanderTane
This is an MMORPG I have been playing for a while and I am really enjoying, does anyone else play this game, if so what faction?
My brother runs an Illuminati guild and we are looking for more members, so if anyone does have this game or fancies trying it out let me know and I will get you an invite, you do have to be 18+ however, we have a lot of fun doing groups every night and raiding Wednesdays and Sundays.
Here is a link to the game website so you can find out more about the game
http://www.thesecretworld.com/
And here is a link to our guild
http://www.shadowsofthedragon.com/
My name in game is CommanderTane
Happy Apocalypse Everyone!
Posted 12 years agoSo with only a few hours left until the world ends I want to say good luck everyone!
Stock up on food, water and weapons and prepare for the zombie invasion or mutant pingu's
and here is a little song for the upcoming apocalypse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzqiPvGrkTo
:D
Stock up on food, water and weapons and prepare for the zombie invasion or mutant pingu's
and here is a little song for the upcoming apocalypse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzqiPvGrkTo
:D
Gmod Pictures
Posted 12 years agoHey all, I noticed a few Gmod pictures on here and was wondering what the policy is to uploading them, I have got Gmod and some models so I would like to post some macro micro pics I have captured while using Gmod, are you actually allowed to upload them, if so does it have to be put in your scraps or can you just put them in your gallery?
Would love to share the pics I have got so far with you all, any suggestions of the kind of stuff people want to see?
Would love to share the pics I have got so far with you all, any suggestions of the kind of stuff people want to see?
Thankyou Everyone
Posted 13 years agoI just want to say thank you to all my friends who have helped me and posted words of reassurance on my last journal, it means a lot to hear that people still care about me.
I am sorry for that last journal, I'm not going to explain what goes through my mind or why I wrote it or get like that, because this has been happening for years and it will happen again sometime in the future, instead I'm just going to hold my head high, and not dwell on it and keep getting stronger by overcoming my moments of depression, with the people who care about me.
And one day I will overcome this for good.
Anyway thank you again everyone, It really means a lot.
Commander Tane Shepard
I am sorry for that last journal, I'm not going to explain what goes through my mind or why I wrote it or get like that, because this has been happening for years and it will happen again sometime in the future, instead I'm just going to hold my head high, and not dwell on it and keep getting stronger by overcoming my moments of depression, with the people who care about me.
And one day I will overcome this for good.
Anyway thank you again everyone, It really means a lot.
Commander Tane Shepard
I think this is goodbye
Posted 13 years agoDon't know why I am even bothering to write this, don't think I have anyone left who calls me friend anymore, at least that's how it feels, sorry if that offends you but its the truth.
I'm staying out of everyone's way, the furry fandom does not need me and no one needs someone like me in their life fucking it up.
I'm no Commander Shepard, I am a weak pathetic loser who has let his depression take over him for most of his adult life, all I do is cause pain and upset to all those around me I have tried so hard to fight it but its always comes back, and life is just going on without me, and to be honest someone like me will not be missed...
I'm staying out of everyone's way, the furry fandom does not need me and no one needs someone like me in their life fucking it up.
I'm no Commander Shepard, I am a weak pathetic loser who has let his depression take over him for most of his adult life, all I do is cause pain and upset to all those around me I have tried so hard to fight it but its always comes back, and life is just going on without me, and to be honest someone like me will not be missed...
Not Dead
Posted 13 years agoHello all, just writing to let you know I'm still alive, sorry I haven't been in contact much, I have had a lot going on these past few weeks and its been hectic.
So how is everyone?
So how is everyone?
The Secret World
Posted 13 years agoSo I have recently got into an mmorpg called the secret world and I have to say I am really enjoying it, its not like most mmorpgs and you can be anything you want!
Its a modern day mmorpg and everything is true, monsters fairy tales etc., a lot of the quests in the game are fun and challenging.
check it out for yourself! http://www.thesecretworld.com/
Here is a pic of my character http://postimage.org/image/68tozlv4d/
my faction on the game is illumanati, if anyone is interested in joining me let me know! :D
Its a modern day mmorpg and everything is true, monsters fairy tales etc., a lot of the quests in the game are fun and challenging.
check it out for yourself! http://www.thesecretworld.com/
Here is a pic of my character http://postimage.org/image/68tozlv4d/
my faction on the game is illumanati, if anyone is interested in joining me let me know! :D
An Apology
Posted 13 years agoI'm sorry that I haven't been myself lately, those tablets really had a negative effect on me and completely messed with my head :(
I need to tackle this problem head on, not with tablets.
I need to tackle this problem head on, not with tablets.
So I Think My Doctor Might Be A Reaper
Posted 13 years agoAs some of you already know im going through a bad depression and have been for some time now, I went to my doctors a few weeks back and he prescribed me anti depressants, after a few weeks of taking them I started to feel really weird, feelin spaced out and not with it and I still feel that way now, Im struggling to do simple tasks like eat, type and do my job, now my work knows I am suffering with depression because of how different I was at work, I even had to go home one day because the tablets have caused me to feel this way.
It feels like I have been indoctrinated!
I contacted my doctor and he said stop taking the tablets and go and see him today, but im worried because I still feel this way and I haven't taken the tablets in a few days, I apologise if this journal doesn't make much sense, I cant get over how hard it is to do simple things
I guess we will see what doctor says later.
Im really sorry to everyone if I have been distant and not with it, I just want this depression to go, im sick of living this way, I shouldn't be going through all this at my age...
It feels like I have been indoctrinated!
I contacted my doctor and he said stop taking the tablets and go and see him today, but im worried because I still feel this way and I haven't taken the tablets in a few days, I apologise if this journal doesn't make much sense, I cant get over how hard it is to do simple things
I guess we will see what doctor says later.
Im really sorry to everyone if I have been distant and not with it, I just want this depression to go, im sick of living this way, I shouldn't be going through all this at my age...
A Big Thanks
Posted 13 years agoI just want to take the time to thank the people in my life who have been there for me through my years of depression, I know its hard when I get depressed its even harder going through it.
I want to thank
MysFurry99 for introducing me to the 
FurSupport group, reading the journals does help and it is good to know I'm not the only one out there who feels like this.
All of you have been there for me and I really appreciate it but I especially want to thank
Keblin 
Emberofthephoenix 
greskil-vulfhart and 
Stripy you guys have stuck by me through my worst and I am really grateful for that, I know its not easy and I know sometimes it seems like I'm just getting worse or I'm not listening to advice, but I really am, the reason why I can always pull myself backup even if its for a short period of time is because I know I have friends like you in my life and what you tell me does help.
I don't know what I would do without you guys in my life, I just wish there was some way I could show you how much I am trying to get better.
Actually I do know one way I can show you, and that is to get better.
Thank you again everyone
I want to thank
MysFurry99 for introducing me to the 
FurSupport group, reading the journals does help and it is good to know I'm not the only one out there who feels like this.All of you have been there for me and I really appreciate it but I especially want to thank
Keblin 
Emberofthephoenix 
greskil-vulfhart and 
Stripy you guys have stuck by me through my worst and I am really grateful for that, I know its not easy and I know sometimes it seems like I'm just getting worse or I'm not listening to advice, but I really am, the reason why I can always pull myself backup even if its for a short period of time is because I know I have friends like you in my life and what you tell me does help.I don't know what I would do without you guys in my life, I just wish there was some way I could show you how much I am trying to get better.
Actually I do know one way I can show you, and that is to get better.
Thank you again everyone
Things are finally starting to look up
Posted 13 years agoI feel so happy right now, and I haven't felt this happy in a long time, I finally feel alive inside.
Last night I took a massive risk and asked a girl that I really like if there was something more we could be, we have been through a lot together and she has always been there for me, we share the same interests and sense of humour and I love her.
There always seemed to be some chemistry there but I was always to scared to say anything in case I lost her, but last night I finally decided to ask, and it turns out she feels the same way about me and didn't want to ruin our friendship, she says she has always liked me and I would be the perfect guy for her as she has always been with jerks in the past.
But we agreed not to rush anything, nothing is official yet but we are going to take it one step at a time, once I get my head sorted then we can spend more time together and see where it goes from there, this just feels so right and now I have another reason to work hard and get better, for all my friends and for her.
Last night I took a massive risk and asked a girl that I really like if there was something more we could be, we have been through a lot together and she has always been there for me, we share the same interests and sense of humour and I love her.
There always seemed to be some chemistry there but I was always to scared to say anything in case I lost her, but last night I finally decided to ask, and it turns out she feels the same way about me and didn't want to ruin our friendship, she says she has always liked me and I would be the perfect guy for her as she has always been with jerks in the past.
But we agreed not to rush anything, nothing is official yet but we are going to take it one step at a time, once I get my head sorted then we can spend more time together and see where it goes from there, this just feels so right and now I have another reason to work hard and get better, for all my friends and for her.
Going T total
Posted 13 years agoI have tried near enough everything to fight my depression but its still worse than ever, the only thing I havent tried is to stop drinking alcohol, im not a heavy drinker and have the occasional pint through the week, but if i go out for a night out i do drink a lot, so I am going to go T total from now on, theres just no point in drinking anymore, especially if its playing a huge part in my depression.
