I was looking for something to draw, going through references... I wanted to practice, but I felt particular... so not finding what I wanted to draw I instead made collages I can't share... and the collages put me in the mood to write, because I liked the scenarios I put together, so I fleshed them out, but then I felt like my words were lacking and I started to wish I could draw a comic instead... That's usually my process... endless circle arguments with myself of how to produce rather than actually producing

There are 48 published chapters from me online. I use the word published as in I have submitted something online for others to read.

There are 28 documents in my Finished folder... I use the term finished very loosely here because only some of them are actually finished chapters that I've published. Others are chapters that I abandoned and rewrote because I didn't like the direction they were heading. In fact, only 20 were published, but I kind of want to keep the discarded chapters somewhere, and the finished folder seemed kind of apt since I'm kind of done with them in a way...

So there is a 28 chapter discrepancy there. 28 published chapters that isn't in my folder of completed works. That's because some of them were published three computers ago. I have a habit of shoving my broken hard drives in storage thinking "I'll save what I can from that later".

There are 11 stories published by me. 48 chapters divided over 11 stories. Here's the kicker: 4 of them are completed works. The rest are just hanging around. Some of them from three computers ago. I should get to work on that... Either just scrap them or grab myself by the balls and just... finish them...

Then there is my unfinished folder... 55 documents with chapters started and completely new stories that I start whenever I feel stuck trying to figure out where to take my older works... I have some kind of problem...

I don't feel my pictures... I've really hit a plateau right now. I tried switching up my tools to bring forth some change, get more patient. Instead I feel myself getting more impatient. I just want to be quick and messy while I'm drawing, and then I look at it and wonder why I didn't spend more time... I'm torn between knowing I should draw more to get more practice even if it's not good and not feeling like drawing if I can't do it well...

same with writing by the way. I have ideas I want do get out of my system, but as soon as I start to write I just... don't feel it...

You can see that I'm not a great artist? I'm not ashamed to admit, I know I don't put nearly enough hours into honing the craft to probably even call myself an artist... I dabble...

Would you believe me if I told you that something I designed is actually tattooed on someones body? It's so strange... I drew something and somebody found it good enough to have it tattooed on her leg... And I don't even know if she remembers who designed it...

... read a decent story only to find out it's unfinished or

would you rather not read unfinished stories at all?

Thinking about deleting some stuff that has been laying unfinished for years now... At remove the possibility for people to read the stuff until I actually finish the stuff...

I look at my drawings and go "Hmm... maybe I should use different tools for different results"... While that is absolutely true, I also feel "I should really get a better grasp of the basics before I dabble in new stuff". I feel really impatient. I'm not finding writing as easy as I used to, but I still get ideas and inspirations I want to get lost in for a while, so I've tried to step up the drawing in order to get stuff out of my head.

Have you ever had trouble logging on to here due to a disagreement with the AI of what constitutes a palm tree? Captcha showed me the usual random pictures and told me to select everyone with a palm tree on it. Which I did. When I clicked confirm Captcha promptly told me "Select ALL pictures with palm trees." The only tree left in any picture was a pine. I reloaded the page because I wasn't about to give in to those ridiculous demands...