Just got the final statement from our previous apartment. $450 for "Loose Trash" cleanup. $100 for fridge replacement. $210 x2 for tub replacements. All because my ex decided to not cleanup anything of theirs while we paid to have our 2/3 of the apartment cleaned.

Total charge is ~$1700, and I'll see nothing from the ex.

At the beginning of the year I had over $10k in savings... I have less than $1000 now. All because I can't ever get support from the people I put my trust in.

In our new place now. Took a heavy toll on my anxiety as I was super overwhelmed, but its done. Still have things at the old apartment and the walkthrough on the 10th but the major move is done.

It's just mom and I now in a 1-bedroom with her taking the bedroom and me having the living room. It's extremely tight with the small corner I have my computer setup in forcing me to turn sideways to fit into and its walled off by two layers of boxes. Mom is a hoarder, but since I'm her caretaker I just have to put up with it like I have my entire life.

I'm hoping this move will help me get back to the mental stability I was in almost 20 years ago. I'm going to try and set dates and times to work on personal projects and focus efforts on myself but its all up in the air at this point. RN I have no reason to be alive except my mother and friends. I have nothing for myself and don't actually enjoy living much anymore. Not suicidal, I just truly don't like being around in this world anymore and I'm just kinda waiting for my turn to die. Not even at rock bottom but I feel like the only way to go is up so here's hoping.

Still kicking. In the middle of packing up to move into a one bedroom apartment with my mother since we were informed last month the apartments we have been in for 7 years are not renewing our lease due to... reasons. It'll just be me and mom on our own again. Hopefully I can regain some confidence in myself and have more stability financially to find myself again.

I have no projects nor art going. I've just been working and existing.

I'm around. Kicking a can. Just going day to day.

Went to the doctor yesterday to get the ball rolling for physiology tests, but at least one of the blood work came back looking 95% all balanced (like 1 thing was outside normal range and 2 others were pushing towards being too low but still in the green). I'm starting to think I developed hypochondria and have been making this all up.
I do realize that I haven't been eating well enough. Like after a heavy meal I feel great in the morning and going into work, but if I feel a bit lazy and just settle for a TV dinner or some filler food like crackers I'm back to feeling horrible. The problem is I'm still eating 3 meals a day and getting protein from meat sources and sometimes plant sources (Lenny & Larry's Snickerdoodle cookies are fucking fantastic!) Just wish it was sustainable to have big meals for breakfast and dinner but we're talking $5-15 meals twice a day!

I will be trying to build some routines like working on game designs at least 10 minutes a day just to get started. Maybe even work in a few minutes of drawing here and there so long as my moods hold out. I've been having ideas for games and writing them out, it's just been a matter of having no energy to MAKE them. Pretty much just going to have to suck it up and just do it. Damn the sickness, damn the fatigue, damn the sleeplessness. I gave up drawing to pursue this route and I have NOTHING to show for it but dozens upon dozens of ideas and small tests but no actual prototypes or demos.

But that's my headspace. Nothing good still, just kinda pushing myself by my hindlegs and dragging the front half.

So I think I'm done. I just don't have any spark anymore for creativity. Projects I start always fail. I never have a desire for drawing, and when I do I don't enjoy the act of it. I've been on a Leave of Absence from work since 12/10 enjoying and feeling alive, but now that there's an end set I just feel the same depression coming back to bring me down.

I don't need to remember what I've got and be happy with it: I think about it every minute of the day and how I'm ripped away from it and forced to work.
I don't need to go out and touch grass: I still have to come back to reality and get back to work afterward so why did I go out in the first place?
I don't need to try new things: I already have a bad case of immediate gratification desires so if it doesn't get me the dopamine release I'm desiring quick enough it just falls apart.
I don't need to try old things: I've been trying old things over again and I just get tired of all of it because its all just a way to waste time between waking up, working, and sleeping.
I don't need to turn off the computer: I've lived on the computer my entire life and if I turned off the computer I lose all communication with everyone I've ever known and care about and become completely isolated, and all the weight of depression gets a hundred times heavier.

Ex-friends have called me emo but it's not like I'm looking for attention, I just want to be over them so I can enjoy things again like when I was a child instead of this constant roller coaster.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year's all. I hope one day I can have something positive to update some day. For now I'll still be around on Discord or Telegram trying to fix my head.

So it's been a long long while. It hasn't been a smooth one getting here either, but here I am! First off, I started a BlueSky for myself and I'll try to be active on it (unlike my shut down Twitter): https://bsky.app/profile/conneich.bsky.social

Give it a follow as I will be posting silly things, life updates, and game updates! Speaking of games...

Sad to say the tease from 9 months ago fell through (as did my mental stability). I am still pounding away at projects just not too much to show (visually speaking).

As for me: things are kinda mediocre. Mom is doing "ok" but is on disability and can barely make it to the bathroom that is attached to her room. We are still have Frostie as a roommate, but about March I broke off being with her after 13 years. I won't go deep into details, but I just didn't want to continue the relationship further as it was giving me unnecessary stress. On the note of stress: I am trying to return to being somewhat stress-free but with the weight of responsibilty towards mom and having to basically pay for the apartment alone, my mental stability is thinner than a sheet of wet paper.

Yes, I live. No, I haven't started drawing again.

Instead I am starting on a video game project. It has been in planning for several months now and I am looking forward to the process of implementing the foundational code and begin sharing! Keep an eye here and on my Patreon (when it opens up!) Depending on my work schedule I am hoping to have things ready to show in a few months!

So I did a thing. I made a personal Discord server!

What it's for:
This is a place to come hang out with me and some of my friends. We game some times and chat, but here's something else... I'll be posting WIP and finished art EARLY in a special channel on the Discord server. You don;t have to pay me to get into this or pay to see the pics early, it is all free!

What it isn't for:
Shit posting. Don't come onto the server with a negative attitude. Be friendly and considerate of others. If I find out anyone is talking bad about my friends, making inappropriate comments concerning race, creed, orientation, etc. I will have NO problems applying a kickban up-side your face!!

Some general rules:
While being friendly is a must, don't get "too friendly". No offense but not everyone is looking to be friends with you, and not everyone will want to chat. Please refrain from DMing me or my friends (unless they know you already). Respect their peace and privacy or again, I will have no problem kickbanning you.


Now for the goods!! Should you have made it this far adventurer! Delve in the Goat maw, er cavity, errr.... come on in!!
https://discord.gg/K3deqYH

The Houston area was hit with a deep freeze yesterday. Last night around 830p I hit a patch of ice and crashed into a privacy wall on the feeder. The mustang had its front end totaled: radiator crushed and leaking, airbag deployed, lights mostly crunched loose.

I am physically ok, no injuries to speak of. No sores or bruises, but now getting back on the road begins... Just what I needed.

...and to all a Good Gulp!

Have a great one guys n gals!

Apeture Science. Do-dododo-doo.

For those still interested, Im still kicking here. I do still art, mostly game art now a days, but you can catch some of it on my streams. I also play games with commentary. Just started (again) so not very good yet but come by and watch!!

twitch.tv/GoodGoatGaming

Give me some more feedback! I may stream the whole process once I get started

--- ENDED ---

Firstly, Frosty and I are officially moving in together next year AND moving to Austin (as originally planned).

Next, I would love to work from home so I may be opening patreon and commissions again. I'll prolly start doing streams for everything as well! Art, Gaming, even Game Making which leads into my next statement.

The last few scraps I put up were previews of coming attractions. The project is currently untitled while mechanics and the kinks are implemented, and no not that kind of kink! I do plan on releasing this game publically, so keep an eye for it and expect more limited time previews.

So its the end of my birthday. Been a good day overall, nothing eventful but nothing bad... unlike the beginning of the week or leading into the rest of year...

Anyway, still kicking around after thirty years now. Bout it! Looking forward to next year though when I FINALLY move in with my lovey  firefrost

its huntin time boys n girls! Grab your Palicos and put your undies over your armor we gots Rathians to nom!! Today's Monster Hunter Generations and I couldnt be more excited for it :D Anyone playing send me a note with your 3DS codes and we can shindig and nom some cute monster butts together!

Dead at 57... so so young! M y moms only 56 D: The world will miss him!

Decided to do something with this paperweight. Get your grubby paws all over it!

http://www.ebay.com/itm/29172901118.....84.m1555.l2649
http://www.ebay.com/itm/29172901118.....84.m1555.l2649
http://www.ebay.com/itm/29172901118.....84.m1555.l2649

I am a bipolar, manic depressive that is highly irrational and spontaneous. I am unable to control my emotions though I have convinced myself I can. I am in a constant state of unhappiness and put on a mask of happiness for those near me to make them feel better in hopes that their happiness will make me happy for a fleeting moment. I have high ambitions and no motivations to see them through. I begin projects but never finish them. I have talents in many different fields that are left un-utilized. I sit alone surrounded by friends most days and wish for things to be better, for things to change although I wont move from my chair to make them change. I have love for my mate like no one else, but I feel like a burden.

I am Conneich. These are my true colors. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcOxqNvrvwQ

Todays April 1st, April Fools Day. And mine started on the 30th.

Apple came out with the iPhone SE, and I found out about it on the 30th. Since I was having a depression-induced buying bug I wanted it, but it didnt come out until the 31st. Ok I'll wait until then to order it so I can pick it up after work from the Apple store a few miles away. 7am the next day I check the website: still unavailable for pickup at a store. Okm just wait til 10am to see if they actually have it in stock or if its just a website fluke. Call them up, the lady said that they do have it in stock and she'd be happy to play the order for me. I declined because I was under the assumption I get a discount through being a Kroger employee. So I spend the next 2 hoursof my shift, fighting frustration and rage from my current POS phone unable to load the site to get the order right. I FINALLY get it in my shopping cart on the website, only to see the color I want is no longer available for pickup at the store until the end of April. I fight the rage building again and switch the color, ok that one is available for pickup today. Add it to the cart... and in comes a line of customers that I have to entertain, smile, greet, and be helpful when inwardly I am ready to gut someone. So I handle that, the whole time frustrated out of my mind knowing that I wasnt going to get the order in time, and yep, its no longer available; including all of the other colors and sizes of the phone.

By the time I get off work Im just beside myself with depression. I was unable to get the phone, which I need a new one badly. So now comes today...

I wake up at 8a, still pretty depressed but feeling mellow, and the buying bug strikes again. Through my Kroger discount I got $100 off a new iPhone 6s, which after taxes was $900. So I closed my eyes and hit the Buy button. Now with a renewed excitement I rushed to the Apple store to get it. Come home, pop it open, get it set up... and then the trouble starts. I got the one without a SIM card because my cellular provider is Kroger iWireless (a prepaid wireless plan on the Sprint network) and none of their phones require a SIM card. Well, ok I guess, I'll get a SIM card with Sprint so I can finish the set up. Run to the Sprint store: they dont have SIM cards available. Go to the other Sprint store: They cant give me a SIM card because Im not a Sprint customer. Go to Best Buy: Sure thing! $10 and I have my SIM card! Come home, pop it in, finish the setup and have the iPhone all open to play with. Now time to Activate it through iWireless. Enter the serial number of the phone: "Device is not eligible." Everything sank, even my soul. Just... nothing wants me to have this phone. Nothing wants me to be happy it feels like.

So after all this... Im back home, after spending the day running around, now sans iPhone, sans happiness. I just... I just dunno how to even care about anything right now.

Found out yesterday my grandfather passed away. Dont give me condolences, he wasnt worth it in the end. Just thoought Id let people know.

So yeah, firstly, sorry to all people whom have commissions from me for taking so long... but I got eaten by Fallout 4. Its just so much fun!! And it seems like I dont have much time between destressing from work in the game and then having to go to bed to get ready for the next day of stressful work.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18178355/

Leave your comments here or on the submission!

Need a lil advice on how to create a mask layer that has transparancy and will show underlying layers, but only those within the mask. IE. a mask layer x3 So far I cant quite figure it out.

Gonna stream tomorrow! May start early but may not be art while I wake up.

Sorry for the hiatus on art and what-not guys. Had dentures put in on the 30th and been dealing with pain, discomfort, and above all, inability to eat normally which has just shot my mood for everything. But I PROMISE I will get back to arting regularly this week! No butts about it!!

Im also thinking of starting a Patreon exclusive comic as well as focusing some time on my game making.