Well sort of. I've subscribed to Audible and have been listening to audio books at work, since the nature of my job allows me the opportunity to do such. I've also been listening to podcasts as well. One of the audio books I've listened to was World War Z. This was rather brilliantly done, as the novel itself was written as a UN report-turned-bestseller, this plays out like a documentary. A number of actors portray characters/survivors who were present during a number of events discussed in the book. Details are given from the start of the war to how it was ultimately resolved.

One big thing stood out to me with this audio book: this was a fictitious account of a fictitious pandemic, yet it pretty accurately predicted the failures of national governments to competently handle the situation. As in real life, a lot of people died before it was taken seriously. This made me very uncomfortable.

Suffice it to say though, I very strongly recommend this book! The audio book from Audible is fantastic, but the print version is great too! I'll discuss more books I've listened to in future journals!

I ain't talking about Christmas. Halloween time is nigh! This particular holiday is a favorite for many people. We get to celebrate the macabre, scary, and weird. I wanted to take the opportunity to spotlight something fun. Not necessarily monsters or even horror/slasher movie antagonists, but villains in general. Any favorites that come to mind for any of you, dear watchers?

For me, one that comes to mind is M. Kruger from "Elysium". While this particular movie is incredibly heavy-handed in its message, Sharlto Copley's portrayal of the unhinged mercenary is just too much fun to watch. Copley plays up his thick accent, an Afrikaaner accent specifically from Johannesburg. His appearance, mannerisms, and personality traits are inspired by actual South African and Rhodesian special operations soldiers who fought in the Rhodesian Bush War, and other units that did a number of nasty things during Apartheid. Copley makes him such an over-the-top, psychopathic villain, however, that I just love the performance.

He really shines in his interactions with the protagonist, Max. Max gets his ass handed to him in brutal fashion by Kruger, then later when Max approaches him with a deal (and a threat), all Kruger does is smile and nod his head. Poor Max thinks he's coming off as on the edge of insanity, but Kruger has lived on that edge and routinely swan dives right off of it, he knows Max is full of shit. Later, in their final confrontation, his dialogue and behavior plays out like he's the final boss of a video game...and he knows that's exactly what he is! He relishes it, even though he knows the hero has to overcome him. Of course that doesn't mean he'll just let Max take him out like a bitch.

I think I might post another one of these! I look forward to reading some responses :)

Happy Halloween!

Yes I'm on a roll. Three journals in as many days. It happens every so often. This one is, indeed, much lighter than the previous two.

I finally saw the movie "Darkest Hour", depicting Winston Churchill's challenges as he is chosen to succeed that infamous Neville Chamberlain as Prime Minister of the U.K., starring Gary Oldman as none other than Churchill himself. I won't go into a deep, detailed review of it, but the casting and acting was great. I have a mixed opinion of the movie, overall, but I'm also okay with that because I recommend it regardless.

Why do I have a mixed opinion? Well, the writers did take great liberties with historical facts. One of the more tedious plots is that the movie opens up with Chamberlain stepping down as Prime Minister because of his failures during the early days of WWII, however he and multiple other members of Parliament back Churchill under the hopes that...he will continue the same route that got Chamberlain removed as PM. Pretty sure they could have saved themselves a massive headache and just not voted to remove him as PM. So yeah, don't use this movie as a source for your thesis paper!

What did I like? Oh boy! So this movie came out around 2017, I think. That same year, another movie came out that was based on one of the major challenges Churchill faced as he took the seat of Prime Minister; the evacuation of British troops from Dunkirk. The other movie shares its title with the location. As such, these two movies around great companion pieces. However it also works as a companion piece to the movie "Downfall", which is about Hilter's final days during WWII in Europe. Both movies open with young women interviewing/testing to be personal assistants/secretaries/typists for their respective leaders. The major difference is that Churchill's story happens when things seem to be their worst, but they keep pressing on. Downfall's story focuses on some of the most universally hated people to ever exist. Suffice it to say, the fact that you know you're watching the final hours of many of those people is a rather pleasing one, but I digress.

Go ahead and any and all of the movies mentioned above! Just take the story of "Darkest Hour" with a grain of salt in regards to what it portrays.

Hey! So, I wrote this in as an edit in my previous journal, but I'm going to reiterate it here along with a little bit more of a statement. In short, for the first time since I've been on this platform in 2008, I had to remove a user's comments from one of my journals. Actually they didn't have that feature until just a few years ago, didn't they? Well, the point remains. One time since 2008 though, that's pretty good right? So thank you all for being fairly civil through all these highs and lows.

Second point of business, as some of you might have taken notice of, politics here in the states can be quite divisive. Also, while I think that a number of core issues remains the same for me, a lot of my personal views have changed at least a little over the course of my time here. Gun control/gun rights is a subject that I'm very opinionated on and passionate about, however LGBTQ+ issues are also very important to me. Those of you outside the U.S. who watch me and read my journals may not know that we have two main political parties in the U.S. and our elections usually come down to choosing a candidate from one of those two parties. What's frustrating is it puts me and other Americans in a very difficult position of choosing which issues we think are more at risk, dangerous, etc. and what laws are likely to get passed in regards to those. So if my views seem to align with one side more than the other, yet I complain frequently about "my side", that's something that I ask you to please keep in mind. Again, so far, everyone's been mostly very civil.

Finally, I try not to disregard a possibly good point just because it comes from a bad source. So with that said, I know and understand a lot of my journals lately have been vents, rants, etc. You are under NO obligation to read them, comment on them, or anything like that if it's gotten to be a bit much for you. I understand, we all have ways that we vent our frustrations. This is one of mine, but it's also how I let people know I'm still hearing, churning along. I've also tried to post more positive stuff as well in recognition of that. My personal life, situation, and relationships are difficult and it's a weight on me. If the overall content of my journals are causing some of you distress then I'll offer this: PM me and let me know "Hey bro, I get it but it's negatively affecting me when I see you post a journal that's the same crap over and over again." I will discuss it with you civilly and I'll work with you.

Now the previous does not mean you get to manage or direct the content of my journals in any way, I will not request your approval for them before I post them, but I will take what you say to heart and by more mindful. Like I said, I've tried to make more positive entries, but if it's still an issue I appreciate y'all letting me know. Nobody who PMs me will be named, called out, etc., it'll all be within complete confidence.

This whole mess has taken up enough of your time. Go forth in peace.

I don't like seeing FA saturated with political shit, though I do understand why the discussions need to happen. Whether it's LGBTQ+ topics, current events and crises, or other issues, sometimes it just needs to be discussed. This is one of those issues because 20 years ago, on my mom's birthday, I watched on live T.V. as thousands of people were murdered. For the entirety of the rest of my life from that point, I watched news coverage of victories, failures, triumphs, and tragedies. I have watched U.S. military service members be awarded the Medal of Honor, some were able to receive the award themselves, but many had their next of kin receive the award on their behalf as they had not survived the event for which they were receiving said award. I remember sitting in high school, coming to the realization that this wasn't going to end. I often wondered if our president actually knew how to win this war, I wondered if we had any generals or other leaders who knew.

It would seem this month of this year, nearly 20 years to the day that we were attacked, we got our answer...it would seem, but the truth is most people with any kind of critical thinking skills knew before Obama's term in office was up...yeah they all knew. You all knew. We all hoped we were wrong. We weren't.

It's important to note that this is not Biden's failure. Well, not entirely. Not even mostly. He's the poor, stupid bastard who got left holding the check after all the other assholes said "Ahh I'd get this, but I'm broke. Sorry guys!" With that said though, there's a fair share of blame to go around and there is no small amount of it that falls on Biden.

The man campaigned in 2020 against the cancer that was Trump. Chemotherapy is never pleasant or pretty, but a lot of people saw Biden as that. Take the chemo treatment, hope the cancer goes into remission. I don't agree with a lot of Biden's policies and a number of things he campaigned on, but he got elected. As many people feared, he's turning out to be quite useless, choosing the absolute worst hills to die on. More importantly though, of all of Trump's mistakes...THIS is the one that he stands by? Biden supports a decision made out of nowhere to pull our troops out of Afghanistan?

He continues to double down on his instance that there were no intelligence reports that suggested the Taliban would retake Afghanistan as quickly, or with as "little" resistance (there was virtually NO resistance) as there was. Actual reports seem to suggest otherwise, as it was pretty open knowledge that Afghan national army soldiers were problematic on several levels. So here's where things are at with Biden and his administration, from my perspective at least: Biden is done. I don't think the Democrats will get anymore seats in the midterms, they will be lucky to hold onto the seats they have, and it will be a tight majority for whichever party comes out on top. If Biden is even remotely intelligent, he won't even seek a second term in 2024, he'll step aside and let someone else take a swing.

Like I said though, this doesn't all fall on Biden. Four administrations couldn't defeat the Taliban. This also reflects on the American people. We and our government love to talk about the glory days, during and following World War II. We fought and won against Japan and Germany, both nations are still alive and well today with booming economies. However, we forget how we cemented those victories: rebuilding/reconstruction. We dropped two nuclear bombs on Japan, the only times nuclear weapons were ever used during warfare in our history, yet Japan recovered and thrived. It's because as soon as Japan surrendered, the U.S. went in in force to rebuild Japan. Now...there are some, uhh...consequences to that. I swear to y'all, I don't remember how I came down (phrasing) this particular rabbit hole but...yeah we are the reason why Japan has a thing for panties and tentacles. That's our fault. But most of it was good!

Same thing with Germany, minus the fetish stuff (I assume, at least). We helped them rebuild and backed them up when the Cold War started immediately. The U.S. could have helped stabilize so many nations during and after the Cold War that we wouldn't have half the problems we do today if we'd taken the time to rebuild. Sadly, we don't have that patience or want to spend that kind of money anymore. This will have severe consequences. We have demonstrated to the entire world that we've learned NOTHING from Vietnam. More infuriating than that though? Osama Bin Laden may be dead now, but he was right about America's resolve. Some of you may not know that Bin Laden was encouraged to plan and execute 9/11 because of how Mogadishu was handled and the Rwandan Genocide after that. He wagered that our resolve wouldn't be enough to follow through any action to completion. The evidence in the news right now speaks for itself.

Two things we need to anticipate: the first is that another 9/11 is coming. It will happen. The Taliban retook Afghanistan immediately, days if not hours after our evacuation started. That's not the work of a defeated organization. That's the work of a group that knows and understands the strategic value in running and hiding. They know all they have to do is endure.

The second is that when the next 9/11 does happen, we will likely stand alone when military operations start. The U.K. is understandably pissed. And why should any of our allies back us when it happens again? We did this in Vietnam, we failed the follow through when we helped repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, and we repeated the mistakes of both of those conflicts again. The last twenty years have been a complete and total WASTE. I've never been so ashamed of my nation.

Edit: Okay, had to remove a couple of comments. I don't think I should have to tell any of you, as this is the first time I've had to do this since I've been on this website since...I want to say 2008? Actually you all should get a damn award, that's pretty good! Regardless though, I'll go ahead and say it: please don't use my journal comments to call out other people, especially if they're not actively involved in the conversation themselves. Thank you.

This is a random journal regarding some methods of exposition, well one in particular, that a lot of people will take notice of when it's used in stories. It's especially used (abused, really) in movies and T.V.. The exposition method being when a character starts off an explanation with "As you know" before proceeding to explain what, well, the characters present already know. I have seen sloppier exposition methods, whereas this one attempts to bring in information naturally into the story, I've seen other exposition dumps where a character will suddenly just start talking about plot-relevant information. What I've always found particularly odd about this method of exposition though is the flaws of it can pretty easily be mitigated by either having an actual dialogue scene, where one or more characters ask questions of the character providing exposition or the character providing the expositor prefaces it with "For those of you who don't know..."

What are some other forced methods of exposition that are obvious, annoying, and poorly implemented? What are some ways to mitigate those issues, in your opinion?

For those in the U.S. who have been living under a rock, have had more pressing issues on their mind, or just aren't generally concerned with the make up of various federal agencies, you may not know or care much about the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (BATFE or typically just ATF) or about who David Chipman is or what the significance of his appointment as head of the ATF is and why it's being fought so hard. What you may have noticed is that a lot of people who seem to have particularly strong opinions about his appointment to this agency either grew up in the 90's, or they were already adults at that time. I'm also going to warn you right now, there's going to be a lot of moral and legal gray as we dive into what the problems are with this agency and this particular individual. It is not a pleasant history, it's extremely violent with the most disgusting levels of both incompetence and malice.

To start off, we'll need to go back...fuck me, thirty years? It's been thirty fucking years?! Okay, twenty-nine years, but fuck me. Okay, sorry feeling my age a bit there. Okay we have to go back to the month of August in the Year of Our Lord Nineteen-Hundred and Ninety-Two (1992 for those of you who got thrown off). At that time, a standoff took place in a remote area of Idaho called Ruby Ridge. I won't go through every detail about what happened there, but the key points that you need to know is that in the midst of a legal battle between a former Army Special Forces operator named Randy Weaver and the ATF, numerous federal agencies, including the US Marshalls, FBI, and ATF attempted a raid on his property that ultimately left Randy's wife and son dead. This is the incident that tends to draw the most mistrust of the ATF because a Judge ruled that the entire legal battle and ensuing incident occurred because of an act of entrapment committed by the ATF. Undercover ATF agents had harassed Weaver relentlessly until he agreed to cut down the barrel of a shotgun for them, after which they arrested him and tried to make him turn informant. He refused so the legal battle ensued. The only other major piece of information is that no federal agents suffered any legal consequences from this incident that left one child dead.

That was very nearly the end of the ATF. It really should have been. But here's a question for you: How do you make a cult leader who was known to have sex with minors, keep an armory of weapons, and preach the coming of an apocalypse a more sympathetic figure than the police trying to bring him in?

"Operation Showtime"...yes, that's really what it was called. Anyways, the operation kicked off when the Branch Davidians caught onto the fact that one of their members was either an informant or an undercover agent and they expelled him from the compound. What's important to note is that cults are a particularly tricky group to deal with legally, even in ideal situations, so the standard operating procedure is usually to target the cult leader, apprehend them, and then the cult itself just kind of exists. David Koresh was known to leave the compound frequently, giving the ATF plenty of opportunities to arrest him. As the name of the operation indicates, though, they wanted to make a big show of bringing him in. What resulted was one of the ugliest messes that served to radicalize more people than ever.

The siege at Waco lasted 51 days, with the ATF and FBI bringing in armored vehicles to tear down walls in the compound so that tear gas and other such things could be delivered into the compound. These federal agencies did this knowing that there were children inside who were being victimized by Koresh. To this day, nobody knows for sure how the fire started. The remaining Branch Davidians continue to blame the feds, the feds insist that someone, likely Koresh himself, intentionally started the fire. A total of 82 people were killed inside the compound, with a majority of that number being children. This incident also served to radicalize more people and none other than Timothy McVeigh was watching the events unfold. He would go on to plan and execute the Oklahoma City Bombing which was, until 9/11, the worst terrorist attack committed on American soil.

We're going to visit another ATF goat fuck soon, but now we have to discuss what this all has to do with David Chipman and Biden appointing him as head of the ATF. Starting off, Chipman was verifiably present at Waco. Accounts differ and there is a controversy regarding a now-infamous photo supposedly of him posing in tactical gear in front of the smoldering remains of the compound (worth noting the remains of dead cultists can be seen as well). Chipman denies it's him in the photo, so I won't speculate past that point. It doesn't matter if it's him in the photo or not, because even by his own admission he was present at the site at some point (after the siege had ended, according to him), so it doesn't matter if he just handed a folder to somebody on the site, anyone who was at that place at that time has a black mark on their resume.

The more disturbing thing is that Chipman attempted an "Ask Me Anything" on reddit. It was an absolute shit show thanks to Chipman's deep biases showing through, his lack of understanding on the subject of firearms (which the head of the ATF should be very familiar with), but most importantly is that he verifiably lied about very serious details concerning the siege at Waco. The main thing he lied about was his claim that a helicopter was shot down by two Branch Davidians using Barrett .50 BMG rifles. No such rifles were ever found at the compound and the helicopters were shot at using smaller rifle calibers, but safely retreated and landed. He tried to double down on his claim by claiming that, while .50 BMG rifles are a favorite of violent criminals (they're not, they are heavy, expensive to buy in the first place, and the ammo for it is expensive as well). He then tried to claim that trafficking guns from America to Cartels south of the border is an ongoing problem. Unfortunately, this brings us to one of the ATF most recent shit shows.

"Operation Fast and Furious" was an attempt by the ATF, along with then-AG Eric Holder, to track firearms bought and transported across borders to be used in violent crimes by criminal organizations, namely cartels. Nothing about this operation was a good idea. The way they attempted to do this was to get gun store owners, clerks, etc. to allow suspected straw purchases to go through. For those who don't know, a straw purchase is when someone attempts to buy a firearm on behalf of another person who may or will not pass a background check. It is illegal, but difficult to enforce a lot of times. That said, there are some notable tells that salespeople have learned to pick up on. When the owners and salespeople voiced their discomfort in allowing straw purchases to be made, the ATF threatened to revoke their FFLs. The ATF lost track of these firearms almost immediately until police and military in Mexico recovered them after they had been found on cartel members who had either been captured or killed. Holder and the ATF attempted to take a moral high ground on the matter, but the public became aware of the details of Fast and Furious. Again, no ATF agents or other people in authority of this op were held accountable in any way.

Finally, we have Chipman's own background and biases. Aside from the ATF, he has also worked with the Giffords Gun Safety campaign, which is pretty staunchly anti-gun. This is as big a problem as it would be to place someone who was involved in the NRA as the head of the ATF. People with involvement in lobbying groups have a clear conflict of interest when working in a federal agency that's required to objectively regulate and enforce gun laws. He's been openly supportive of an "Assault Weapons" Ban, but he couldn't/wouldn't define what an "Assault Weapon" is at the recent congressional hearing that he was the subject of.

This all culminates in one serious issue that's been a major focus of the past year: in the wake of widespread police violence, President Biden has appointed a particularly heavy-handed individual to head a federal agency that is infamous in the way it handles its investigations and other policing activities. This agency will attempt to rewrite regulations on a whim, recently attempting to do so only after they attempted to seize property from manufacturers who were following the law simply because the people in charge of the ATF didn't like the regulations as-written anymore. This is an agency that has been directly involved in the murders of children. Biden has shown that he truly does not care about police violence by appointing this man, who has lied about major things, as the head of this organization.

Don't take my word for any of this though. Do your own research, there is more than enough information and evidence out there. If you do the research and find the notion of this person leading this agency to be horrifying and dangerous, please contact your Senator and tell them you don't want David Chipman appointed as head of the ATF.

Well the hits just keep coming. I've held off on mentioning this until more tests were done and I found out for sure, but when I went in to see my optometrist a while back (I think it was in November), the regular tests raised some eyebrows, so I was summoned in for some follow up testing, which lead to a "better safe than sorry" treatment. After maintaining the treatment and a couple more check ups, it has been determined that I have Glaucoma. Fortunately, my testing was all borderline, but they did several different tests and my eye doc said that the fact that all of the tests came up borderline had her convinced that treatment needed to be started. I agreed. The good news is the eye drops I've been prescribed are working.

In light of that, and the fact that I've had a few family members get diagnosed with it, I decided to go to my primary care doc and have some blood work and such done to check for certain issues, namely diabetes. My mom and brother both have diabetes, so I was pretty worried. Luckily my test results came in and it's a negative on the 'betes, but I do have high blood pressure. This could explain a number of things, however the doc also asked me some other questions and he believes that I'm suffering from depression. My response was "Hey, doc, have you seen what 2020 brought in? No fucking shit I have depression!" So he wants to see about starting me up on meds. Aggravating, but not surprising.

So yeah I'm working on keeping on top of my health for now.

And another free piece of legal advice: Do as you're told.

Neighbors have not turned over the dog in question. They claim they can't find the dog. There was more than one they were ordered to turn in and they tried to claim brother's wife did something to the two dogs they did not turn in, however they "found" one of the dogs. Sheriff has, in turn, informed them that they have until a certain time to bring the other dog in.

Okay so I actually have two bits of legal advice: first, keep your animals contained. If your animals get out of your yard/house, you are responsible for every bit of trouble they cause. This is the first time I've encountered a situation where the dog was more than just an annoyance (at worst). If you can't keep your dogs contained, you need to figure something out or rehome them. I'm sorry, that's how it is and I have been on the other side of that. It sucks.

The second is if Law Enforcement tells you to do something, do it. That's not the place to argue or fight it, you take the matter to court. Don't say anything to your neighbors, don't post anything on social media, don't smart off to law enforcement, just do what the cops say and contact a lawyer. Refusing to comply only causes more problems for you, especially if a clear violation of some kind is evident.

Context? Of course. A quick note, however, that this free bit of legal advice is VERY good advice for people in the U.S. when dealing with any sort of Law Enforcement. Do not volunteer any information. Also, this may not technically be the case, but I do consider Animal Control to be Law Enforcement. My evening was a lot more interesting than I care for.

Came home and saw that the sheriff and municipal police were out at my family's house. I almost noped right out of that, truth be told. Got out of my car and asked "Well, what's going on this time?" So, as it turns out, there has been an issue with two of the neighbors. One of the neighbors has some dogs who either keep getting out of their back yard, or they're keeping them properly secure in the yard to begin with. One of those dogs jumped at and bit my brother's stepson while my dad was on the porch. My dad grabbed his shotgun and chased the dog off of the property...the neighbor across the street (not the dog's owner) saw the shotgun and flipped his shit, even after my dad said "It's for the dog, not you!" There was an exchange, but my dad fortunately had the presence of mind to not escalate things.

A local LEO came over along with the Sheriff because we live JUST outside the city limits, so we're in a bit of a gray area as far as who can handle what. They were soon joined by Animal Control who took all the dogs that were running loose. The neighbors across the street (again, not dog's owners) tried to turn the narrative into that my dad approached them aggressively with a firearm in hand, which my dad responded by telling the officer "Here's the video of the entire incident." because fucking technology is wonderful and has made getting home surveillance more accessible than ever, the doorbell camera showed enough for the sheriff to determine the neighbor's version of events was...off. There was no problem on my family's end with that, as it was clear the shotgun was brought out for the animal attack, not for the neighbors.

So, to give a quick recap on Part One of the advice, if someone says something against you that you know to be false and have evidence of being false, don't give your side, just provide the evidence and say "Here, this shows that is not what happened." Also get home surveillance of some kind.

Now the other part of this whole issue were the dogs' owners. When the Sheriff and local LEO came, they maintained the narrative that they believed the dog was playing and got too rough. But the bottom line was that Animal Control had to at least take the dog that was the subject of the whole mess. However, since they confirmed that all the dogs were out, Animal Control had to take all of them in and fine the owners. This is where Part Two of "shut the fuck up" comes into play (though admittedly this oops works in favor of my family and those associated with again) : the dogs' owners were cooperative, but on the phone the guy said he was worried about not having the big one (the problem dog) because he was used as a guard dog.

Language and terminology is incredibly important. Also Animal Control is, as far as I'm concerned, Law Enforcement. The AC officer's response to the "guard dog" comment was pretty much "Bruh." They had to inform my brother's wife that he said that and that they had the call recorded in case she chooses to pursue legal action, and they informed the other LEOs who responded to the incident. That one slip up from the neighbors changed the entire nature of the incident.

Alright, well let's go on ahead and update everyone on life stuff.

Several months ago, my car broke down. Figuring out what's wrong with it has been a process of trial and error...that has resulted in me coming to the conclusion that I don't have the time, the means, or money to fix it. So I decided to save up for a down-payment on a used car and made plans to go and look around and what was available. My journey and search lead me to a dealership that sold both new and used vehicles and, after establishing my price range and what I was able to pay monthly...I wound up leaving with a brand new 2021 car for a little more than I was aiming for per month for a used vehicle. SOOOOOO....yeah! Real happy and excited about that! Oh and I didn't even need to make a down payment or have someone cosign!

Now along with that, I've also been working on some other projects, which includes some writing! I can't say for certain when I'll have something for all of you to read, but I am excited. I'm still working on some other preparedness stuff following the winter storm and I'm hoping to have that all dealt with soon as well. Hope you're all staying safe and well!

My state's governor, Greg Abbott, has decided to lift pretty much all COVID19 restrictions later this month. He's citing "herd immunity" because the vaccines have been administered to 5 million people. Bear in mind, Texas has a population of 29 million. Some people think he's doing this intentionally to cause a spike in cases to distract people from the massive shit show from a couple of weeks ago. I guess we'll see what happens, hopefully the immunity provided by the vaccines will hold even as new mutations come around.

Okay so the last journal I posted, I mentioned I would discuss some things I found to be incredibly helpful while my power was out. I put together a first aid kit/bugout bag back in 2015. It had items in it that were incredibly helpful. There wasn't much in the way of injuries, but my kit also had things like Glow Sticks in it. How were those helpful? Well, a power outage during a storm of any kind can make navigating even inside your own house/apartment difficult. I used glow sticks partly to illuminate areas, but mostly to mark where stairs and such were. Of course a flashlight is also a necessity. Sleeping comfortably was difficult as well. I wound up using every blanket I had to keep warm because, at night, it was 40 degrees F at the highest.

During the day I had to dress in layers. I never felt comfortably warm, and my toes and fingers were always cold. My big concern was avoiding hypothermia and frostbite. All in all I managed okay. There was, however, a couple of large concerns. Keeping heat inside the house was difficult to begin with, but we had people inside the house who were smokers who would go outside to smoke cigarettes, letting what little warmth there was in the house out. I was the only one who got aggravated with that situation (everyone else just didn't want them smoking inside). Another problem was my fuckwad brother, his cunt wife, and her sister. At one point, my dad was heating up leftover stew from the day before (it was still good as the power had only gone out earlier that morning), and dad had asked if what he was heating up on the fire was okay with everyone. My brother then came down and informed him that they decided they wanted something else. Then he got irritated with me for getting pissed.

My mom took me aside and told me to just let it go. I quickly informed her that we were in a situation where we could freeze to death if we weren't careful, and they are already compromising our survival. So I added that if it continued to be a problem, I would remove the compromise. That's another major lesson: if you know somebody who isn't reliable when things are good, DO NOT give them quarter during an emergency. That sounds cruel, but if they can barely take care of themselves in ideal circumstances, then how can you help them in a survival scenario while also taking care of yourself.

Finally, some items I wish I had during this thing: some kind of alternative heating source, a headlamp instead of having to hold a flashlight and do everything else one-handed, and maybe a generator. And of course, you can never have too many batteries. Something else I had on hand that was absolutely great? A power bank! I was able to keep in contact with who I needed to because those things hold a lot of power and will keep your cell phone charged up for days. I ordered another one, along with other stuff that I might need or used up during this event.

Honestly though? I'm becoming a little disillusioned with Texas. That's two emergencies that our Lt. Gov. volunteered people to die for (not himself, though, because of course he's important!), and our leadership and representation here sucks massive horse cock. Fuck Ted Cruz especially.

Well, suffice it to say, I survived the Great Texas Freeze of 2021. I'm going to get a few things out of the way before getting to the meat of this journal. One of those things is that as much as I'd like to avoid getting political, the nature of the situation here has made that extremely difficult. As some of you may have heard, Texas has an isolated energy grid, which our state government decided to do for a number of reasons, including to avoid energy requirements coming along as a result of the climate change debate, and to allow for a "diverse market", so Texans aren't forced to pay a ridiculous amount to one and only one energy provider. I'm sure there are other reasons and details that I'm unaware, but that's my understanding of it at this point in time.

The second is that I have seen and heard a number of comments from people who normally get very cold, icy, snowy, etc. winters in their neck of the woods that essentially are making fun of people here for having no idea how to handle such freezing weather. These comments and such are, by my observation, a minority of people so it's nothing worth getting worked up over. Those who do wonder, whether you're reading this journal now, or have a friend or family member who keeps asking "What's the big deal with Texas getting ice and snow?", we generally have very mild winters. In the summer time, it can get up to around 110 degree Fahrenheit, and winters will get to between the low 30's-40's as far as temperature goes. Strong winter weather does occur every 5-10 years, but it's not a frequent occurrence.

Finally, and possibly the most important issue, is there's an argument being pushed by many, including our governor, that dependence on wind energy is to blame for our power grids failing as badly as they did this past week. Even if this was true, which it is not, a similar weather event happened in 2010 and our energy commission was informed that major changes needed to be made to weather proof our power stations to protect them from extreme weather. This warnings went unheeded, and now people are dead. Whatever energy source was used is irrelevant, our Government decided to make our energy and power independent from the rest of the nation, so they made all the decisions from that point. Of course our governor was also quick to throw ERCOT under the bus, which they 100% deserve, but he's still shifting the blame.

Our leadership in Texas failed at every level, it seems. So I'll urge the rest of you to take unlikely, but certainly possible, weather events into consideration and prepare accordingly. One of the reasons why I'm here is because I had some goods that kept me from freezing to death or tripping over shit and killing myself in the dark. I'll make a more detailed journal about that soon, but I digress. Learn what the possible extremes are in your area and prepare for them. Stocking supplies and equipment to handle a power outage during a heatwave offers some similar, but different, challenges than freezing conditions. Find out what you need keep on hand. Again, though, I'll post a more detailed journal on what I had available and exactly what I had to contend with.

Fuck you 2020, you rotten, festering cunt! Good riddance!

So it's that time of the year again. These past few years, Christmas has brought/provoked some reflection on my end. This year has been particularly bitter, but this Christmas hasn't really been an isolated issue either.

I enjoy perusing stories and such that I read, heard, watched, etc. when I was younger and finding deeper themes within it. One such story that has been coming to mind the past couple of years is the Charles Dickens classic "A Christmas Carol", which is what actually largely brought the holiday to the forefront of peoples' attention. Before that, it was considered a holiday, but wasn't celebrated even remotely the same way it is now. Of course the subject of the story is the cynical curmudgeon, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the basic theme of the play is "Treat others with some level of decency and respect, asshole!"

However, on reflection, I've come to realize that Dickens' classic is really very insightful and the underlying themes also involve empathy, and how much harm bitterness can cause. See, Dickens actually went out of his way to make it clear that Scrooge's outright hatred of Christmas didn't happen in a vacuum. He has genuine reasons to want to disregard Christmas. The same things it means to most everyone else are the same things that gradually alienated Scrooge, hurt him, and made him bitter. Seemingly the one thing he does cherish is money, but that's not exactly so, is it? He hoards money, yes, he's referred to bluntly as a "miser". He covets wealth, but it's noted that he doesn't overindulge on spending by any means. He has learned how much money really seems to matter, and he knows that people need it. A lot of it.

As far as close relations and friendships, Scrooge has none. Jacob Marley seemed to be the last true friend Scrooge had as of the beginning of the story, and he had been dead for some time by that point. In fact, that friendship is what provokes Marley's visitation. Scrooge is given an intervention, and like many interventions, he has to confront traumatic incidents in his past to reconcile destructive behavior in the present. And that's kind of what hits me about this story, it's how much damage trauma can noticeably cause, how far back the trauma can go, and how unfortunately, for most people, it's not reconciled as quickly and neatly as it is for Scrooge.

I've been thinking about Scrooge and his disposition a lot lately. I realized this year that it's actually a rare year that I sincerely enjoy Christmas. It's gotten to be a time of the year when I'm forced to spend time with people I barely tolerate, and it's actually gotten worse than that. I had to work today (Christmas day), after having four straight days off with two of those days being paid vacation days. I don't plan on taking anymore PTO unless I'm going somewhere away from my family, or I'm sick. I'm also not sure that I want to celebrate or acknowledge Christmas anymore either.

Some of you may recall the journal I posted at the end of October, concerning my dumb cunt brother and his dumb cunt wife. They went at it again on Christmas Eve, and it got pretty fucking bad, and it's clear that both the cunts are actively provoking each other. Them having a baby has really hammered home to me how cruel the existence of a God really is. He/She/It may not be actively malicious, but It's also not benevolent or caring. You can't tell me that a baby born to someone like my brother is a miracle. But my distaste isn't even about the kid, it's that my brother has and continues to shit all over every bit of goodwill he's been given, AND HE'S REWARDED FOR IT. It's been that way since we were little, and he's learned to expect to be given whatever he wants.

I've been working off and on on writing a letter effectively disowning my brother. Every time I make some headway with it, something else happens and I just sit here and think "How can I even include what's just happened this week? Should I even bother tallying the score anymore?" I'm just dumbfounded at all of it. I'm making tentative plans to leave and put as much distance between me and my family as reasonably possible. I have some plans, I intend to get some certifications, learn some shit, and apply it so that I can get a foot in the door where ever I'd like to go. And I don't want to be bothered with unannounced guests.

I don't think I much care to celebrate Christmas again for the foreseeable future. The campy holiday "message" clearly doesn't hold water, and maybe Scrooge wasn't completely in the wrong to react to the holiday in the way that he did. Nobody cares about you unless they have a use for you, and you're likewise tethered to others when you have a use for them. I'm going to work on that.

With all that being said, though, I hope everyone else is having a great Christmas and/or whatever other holidays you observe.

So I can't remember if I informed you all (I think I have), but back in August I got a new job. It's out of customer service and...that alone has made a remarkable impact on many things, really. In three months, I haven't felt ill enough to call out, which is unusual because even though I'm not in bad health, I do have bouts of illness that last for a day or two. This has lead me to realize how big an impact a toxic work environment and stress has had on my physical and mental health. So I won't lie, 2020 hasn't been all bad to me...just mostly bad.

Also worth noting, it has been a long time since I've posted any writings. I know I keep saying this, but I am working on stuff! I've been journaling a lot with my ideas and shaping them. So while I may not have posted anything, it does not mean I have stopped working :)

In regards to what I'm working on, I've talked to a couple of you here about it already, but I've decided to focus on a project of loosely and not-so-loosely connected characters in world just like ours where things take a sudden shift and they have to deal with said changes. It's been an idea brewing in my head for a very long time, since 2013 at the latest. The idea is fairly straight forward, but one I haven't really seen before with one or two exceptions: what happens when various modern day military units, including SOF, come into contact with creatures and monsters from folklore and other worlds? What happens when magic users enter the fray? That kind of speculation is a lot of fun for me, but the sky is also the limit. So I'm working on a number of characters and I also have a way to incorporate some characters I already have into more stories.

I'm also saving to have some more art done for this project, with character refs and other things! I won't give you a solid time when I'll have something written, as I know I'll jinx myself and not make any kind of "deadline" as yet. I do appreciate your patience though!

Words I had the misfortune of having to say to my mom after 5:00 A.M. when we were all woken up by my brother screaming at his wife because she found some compromising text messages between him and another woman. Of course the bitch didn't pack up and gtfo like she said she was going to. We'll see what happens tomorrow IF, and that's a big if, my brother actually does go into work. But his behavior this morning was inexcusable. I looked at my mom and said "If he's really lucky, he'll be allowed supervised visits to his kid."

What really pisses me off though is my mom didn't have the fucking stones to tell my dad about what happened and I got put on the spot about the fucking failed miscarriage again. "What do you think about your nephew?" "Well I think it's a weapon intended to be used for emotional manipulation and abuse. I also think you're the dumbest fucking cunts for ignoring all the red fucking flags and sooner or later this whole shit show of a farce is going to implode and it'll be fucking ugly when it does."

I'm just fucking done. I am. I've already informed the relevant people that I won't help my brother if he goes through another nasty divorce. And if I get put on the stand against my will, I'll gladly (but legally, without committing perjury) fuck his whole life up.

Okay so it's been a while since I've said anything about what's going on in my world. So back in January my family was..."blessed" with the "wonderful" news that my brother and his now-wife were expecting a "bundle of joy". Said arrival came earlier this month. Trouble, as I had predicted, is already afoot. My brother got himself a new job after being laid off from his previous one thanks to the plague. He has consistently been leaving work early or calling in. Before, he was using his wife's pregnancy as an excuse. His wife hasn't really been pleased about this, and I would sympathize with her but this ain't new behavior and she knows that. Even though the baby was born a few weeks ago, he's still dodging work and calls in at least once or twice a week.

So I have not even held their kid, I've refrained from getting emotionally involved or invested at all. Our parents aren't happy, but they're also not saying anything to him about it. That's fine, though. It just aggravates me that I told them bad shit would happen, it's setting up as we speak, and I just get ignored because "babies make everything better!"

Neil Peart was bad enough! Why Eddie Van Halen too? This shit really fucking bums me out, y'all!

Just got an unsolicited PM titled "Hey Sweetie!" From a username I don't recognize. It was spam advertising for certain...live services. Even in my loneliest days, I did not get THAT lonely!

Anyways, yeah watch out for that.

No doubt most of you have heard about the massive explosion that occurred in Beirut. This event gets more and more interesting as details surface, as the Lebanese government is saying that the explosion doesn't seem to be an attack, but rather some fireworks were ignited and started a fire that made its way to a storage area where "confiscated high explosives" were being kept. The videos of the blast and shockwave are something to behold. I've never seen anything like it. What's even more interesting is that people are saying the explosion was as powerful as "a small nuclear device". Note: that DOES NOT mean a nuclear bomb went off in Beirut. It means that the energy of the blast made it into the kiloton range.

I think this made be a first. Like I said, I haven't seen anything like this happen before.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/05/midd.....hnk/index.html

Alright so after an unintended long period of unemployment, I have not only officially gotten a new job BUT it's outside of customer service! It offers reasonable pay (highest wage I've ever earned), benefits, PTO, and opportunities for advancement. Also it's not fucking customer service. There is some shit I gotta save up for and tend to. What's even better though is it feels like the bullshit I've gone through previously has been worth it because my pay actually increased based on my experience and qualifications. It's also not fucking customer service.

Hey did I mention it ain't god damn customer service?

This is a question I'm seeing asked a lot, thanks to recent events that are still ongoing. I have very mixed thoughts, opinions, and feelings on the matter and I do think it's an important topic of discussion. Suffice it to say, there are a large number of people all over the place politically who are calling for sweeping police reforms, investigations into use of excessive force, etc. Second Amendment activists are included in those groups, but we've been seeing some pretty harrowing things going on like riot police attacking protesters, seemingly without provocation (many of these incidents have no indication of provocation by the protesters). Another issue being seen now is federal police teams being deployed to Portland, OR and driving around in unmarked vans, detaining people without informing them of what they're being detained for or anything.

These things, along with what happened at Lafayette Park in D.C. and other incidents have lead to a lot of people angrily demanding "Where are the gun owners? Where are the 2A Activists?" and I have seen a range of responses, all of which I agree with to some degree. The first, most immediate answer that may tempt some people is that most 2A activists are actually in support of the police activity. I don't believe this to be true, though there certainly are some who do support Trump, the actions taken by the police, etc. Another answer I've seen presented is: the same people who push for legislation to outright ban certain types of firearms and restrict law-abiding citizens' ability to purchase, own, and maintain them are now demanding that those same people step up to defend and protect them, and the 2A activists won't have it. This is one of the responses I agree a little more with. You can't make the argument that guns have no place in the hands of ordinary citizens, then demand those same people rush to your defense when the very people you say should be among the only ones allowed to have firearms are *gasp!* acting oppressively. However the flipside of that argument is also valid (it doesn't matter who needs to be defended, this is what the Second Amendment is for. Period.).

Two other factors, however, that I think are indeed very likely and are related to each other are:
The cities where we are seeing the worst uses of unprovoked, excessive force by the police are some of the least "gun-friendly" place, where there are such heavy restrictions that being able to own, carry, etc. a firearm is incredibly difficult and discouraged in several ways. More gun-friendly areas seem to have less incidents, especially in places where we are seeing protesters active open-carrying rifle, pistols, and even wearing tac vests, plate carriers, etc. The second issue, related to the previous, is that gun owners aren't willing to take the massive risk and consequences of rushing to the aid of people IN THESE CITIES. D.C. and Portland, the former especially, are infamous for their restrictive gun laws. The people who own the kinds of firearms needed to defend against police who are geared up against these protesters would need to come from out of state/territory, and police could set up roadblocks and search every vehicle coming into the area and anyone who gets caught trying to come in with arms could face some VERY serious legal penalties. So, frankly speaking, people in those areas are victims of the same draconian restrictions that they themselves pushed for.

That said, though, I think it's unfair to say that gun owners aren't doing anything at all. We're seeing a lot of people, of many ethnicities, races, etc. stepping up to defend homes, small businesses, etc. from rioters and opportunists. The bottom line, though, is this: You seriously CANNOT rely on ANYONE else to defend you. You are on your own and your first line of defense is always yourself. Learn to operate and maintain firearms, get at least one to train with, and keep your gun laws in mind when you do. It seems pretty clear to me that cops are a lot more wary of and less likely to fuck with a well-armed populace.

So yeah...I keep forgetting about this then remembering it. Elmer Fudd won't be hunting Bugs Bunny with a gun anymore in the new Looney Tunes cartoons they're making. Reactions to this decision have been all over the place. What's really thrown everyone for a loop though, is what they have Fudd using in place of his iconic gun: a scythe. And dynamite. Apparently a number of the staff members working on this new Looney Tunes just felt it was in bad taste with the shootings and all that. But I gotta tell you, giving Elmer Fudd a scythe takes him from incompetent hunter to Serial Killer in Training!

Censorship gets really interesting. There are, of course, the cartoons I grew up on where they had to go through a board of censors (Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, etc.) before being aired. They loved fucking with the censors. There's also the stuff that gets censored for national T.V., talking about movies and such. Sometimes they replace swear words with the weirdest shit. One of the most infamous examples I can think of was the T.V. edit of "The Big Lebowski" where John Goodman's character is going on a tirade, yelling at a teen kid while he's busting what he believes is his fancy car. What he's yelling is "Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!" The censored version? "Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?!" I'm pretty sure whoever came up with that was smoking more pot than Lebowski was!

Another one that really got my gears turning a while back, where I just couldn't calculate how the T.V. edit was any less "offensive" than the uncensored version. The movie was "Good Will Hunting", and one of the subplots of that movie has Matt Damon's character, the titular Will Hunting, going to therapy sessions with a psychologist played by the late, great Robin Williams. Over the course of the movie, they form a connection and after their last session, Will hugs Robin's character (his name eludes me) and while they hug, Will asks "This doesn't violate the doctor-patient relationship, does it?" and Robin's character wittily replies "Only if you grab my ass." Funny, for sure! Vulgar? Ehh. But the censored version? It removes that naughty "ass" word, but as far as vulgarity goes, it could be argued that it's worse. In that version, Robin's character replies to the question with "Only if I turn around." It's still funny, imo! But it really clued me into what the real priorities were with censorship. And the real priorities are fucking stupid.

Which brings me back around to removing Elmer's gun. Don't want him to chase after Bugs Bunny with a gun? Alright, whatever. But why not give him a crossbow or a bow and arrow? Why a scythe? The difference between all of those is the scythe really implies more sadistic intent.