Today's my grandfather's birthday.
He died in 2022 from a heart attack while he was in the pool. :(

So, my birthday was on June 12th. I'm currently depressed because my grandmother is in the hospital with Lymphoma. Anyway. I get a lot of comments asking to update the Dropbox links, but due to my poor financial stability I decided to move to Patreon. Here's a link.

http://patreon.com/coolperez8

Turns out I haven't been active here for the past five months it seems...

Haven't been logging on often due to being depressed...

I haven't been active since June due to a lack of motivation and having no friends here, but I have some news to share...

Yesterday, my dog wasn't feeling so well and I took her to the vet to leave her there for fluid injections, as I had previously taken her on Monday due to her being sick and the results showed that her kidneys weren't working. This morning, the vet called me saying she was looking worse, and around two hours later called me again and told me she passed away in her sleep.

Rest in peace, Yip-Yap.
7/18/2006 - 7/15/2023

My birthday was on June 12th, but I hadn't posted sooner due to a lack of motivation to check this site.

Feel free to send any birthday wishes here: http://paypal.me/coolperez8

I've been depressed to hell since my grandfather died in late May. My mom found out when she was in rehab on June 8th, came home, and was found dead from a Fentanyl overdose the next morning just before my birthday.

I barely have any motivation whatsoever to even check this place, because either everyone hates me or nobody wants to talk with me.

So, some of you may know that last Sunday (November 14th) ended up with me being woken up at 1AM by the police. I wanted to explain what had happened.

The day before, a good friend of mine was messaging me in all caps, demanding to see my forearms to make sure I wasn't cutting myself. I sent him a picture and there were no cuts, so he believed me. Before I went to bed that say, I was feeling sad and set my status to say that I was "Suffering and going to cry" (it may have said wanting instead of going, I don't remember exactly. I ended up being woken up at 1AM on November 14th by two police officers who entered my room. This time, the police were checking me out, and demanding to see my forearms while I had absolutely no clue what was going on and feared that my grandmother had died due to already losing two family members this year. I eventually realized that the police thought I was suicidal, but I was unable to convince them otherwise, even though I had never said a word about suicide. When the police left, I remember them saying something like "Remember to call 988 if you need help", and my grandmother went to my room yelling angry because "Now I have a record." Because of those two reasons, I filed a police report the same day and told them that the police had come to my house with false information, I thought my grandmother had died, and I wasn't suicidal. I even gave the date and time they arrived as well as my address. I also had the posted a Tweet about the situation which one of my friends said that I was suicidal and shared a screenshot of their conversation with the guy who forced me to send pictures of my forearm. He said that my status said I was "Suffering and I wanna kms", which wasn't true. When I brought up the police report the next day, he hears about it and claims I was "threatening his family" and blocks me. Now, I feel even more depressed, and am probably gonna be staying in bed for a few days. I actually cried as I typed this up. Maybe I actually am worthless.

I was feeling depressed and was confined mostly to my bed for about a week, but when I was ready to come back I got a contagious eye infection so I had to spend even more time off...

I only have one around friend here and nobody else cares for me, plus I'm sick of being treated like trash on here. :(

I feel sad, given the recent events with my family such as my grandfather and mom both dying. :(

My mom died last night from an apparent drug overdose. :(

My grandpa died yesterday. I found his body in the pool where he apparently had a heart attack.

I haven't had any motivation to be online recently, plus I feel very sad... :(

I feel very depressed because my family treats me like garbage and I feel like nobody likes me. I have barely any incentive to use FurAffinity as the only good friend I have here isn't even talking to me and doesn't even try to help me anymore so I feel like quitting. I feel like I've been a jerk to everybody but then again people are very sensitive and some are even so easily manipulated that they were manipulated to turn against me, it's even gotten to the point where people are throwing allegations against me and saying that I'm the one who's manipulative.

I wish my friends could see the good in me and not see me as some "fetish jerk". The only thing I know now is I look forward to a day I have a strong feeling might never happen...

So, yesterday on Twitter I got tagged by some random I don't even know in a reply. I decided to investigate and it appears he tagged me and several other artists because somebody was editing and posting my art along with the other people's art here on FurAffinity apparently without permission. Then, I realized something. The person he had tagged for the art theft was actually somebody who I knew. I knew they've been posting edited art for a while but never bothered to check the source, and that also includes screenshots from my animations. Another thing worth mentioning is that he also posts my animations on another site on my behalf. So, when I saw that this guy was literally reporting that a good friend of mine was "stealing" art (including mine), I had mixed feelings! Just for reference, I have been suffering from depression from 2016 and this guy was calling to get the art removed if the posts ARE indeed without permission, which ended up resulting in my "friend" being banned. Since the person who tagged me doesn't have his DM's open on Twitter and doesn't follow me, I can't explain the situation to him and I feel obligated to do something. Do I forget about my friend and move on, or do I report the tweet where they tagged my friend because I don't want to abandon him? I talked with my friend and they said they DID give credit in the first place, but either choice I make will leave me to feel awful because this guy seems to have good intentions.

These are the factors which may influence my decision:
1.Person they're calling out is a good friend of mine.
2.They have their DM's disabled so I can't message him unless he follows me.
3.I do know some of the artists they tagged and half of them don't seem to be very kind towards me. (They think I'm annoying.)

I feel like nobody likes me and I wanna cry in my bed until my problems go away. If only there was a way for people to realize I'm not a bad person that some "haters" say I am. :(

My uncle died last week, and two of my parents are going to the funeral which is up north somewhere. I'm essentially stuck here with a third parent and my dog for several days. I'm honestly genuinely worried about my younger cousins.

I honestly feel like the people I tend to like push me away, and the people I hate won't stop talking shit about me. This is why I feel like nobody loves me. My haters can't keep their mouths shut and keep spewing out libel at the mention of the name "coolperez" to make me seem like a much worse person than I actually am. And. when I actually find somebody I like (such as the first furry friend I made) they tend to like me at first but after hearing about the boneless libel it becomes a downward spiral and all I do is act stupid around them and inadvertently bother them. I honestly think that if I had never existed nobody would have any "problems" from me. I can't believe people actually believe the garbage they hear about someone rather than the truth. One of my favorite indie game developers once said "Your reputation is determined by what people enjoy saying about you, even if nothing they are saying is true.", and I couldn't agree more. That's exactly what happened to me, except in my case the libel took their perspective of what actually happened and twisted it in such a way to make a big fat story full of lies, and when I read it for the first time, it was so twisted I didn't know what to say, and the person who sent it to me took my silence as if I had admitted it was true. I literally needed to think of a response, but they would think I was trying to come up with a lie/excuse like the libel mentioned. (Why would I lie about what happened to me?)


To put it in perspective, let's say you study every day, but on one day every month you have a "cheat day" and play video games. Unknowingly by you, someone takes a picture of you gaming and they make a collage with all the pictures and put it in the same month, and said all you did was play video games instead of study. Technically, they DO have pictures of you playing games, and that's all they wanna believe. They don't wanna believe you study and with that they'll try to ruin your life, other people will believe it because they have pictures of you playing games, but that's not what you did all the time. Then, you lose friends, your teacher thinks you're cheating exams, etc. all because of some stupid twisted concoction where they take the truth, throw out the majority of the good, and twist whatever they can to make it sound bad. If I ever have a funeral I want my haters to come to it so they can see the devastation they caused, turning a loving young person into an object of hate, and bullying him to the point where everybody thinks he's trash. This is ridiculous.

I honestly feel like my friends don't care about me anymore and I'm depressed as all hell.

I thought I was being supported, one of my best friends sent me a big ass paragraph saying what a "horrible" person I am and blocked me. I'm honestly going through a lot and I find out that one of my best friends suggested they block me because I bother them too much.

Why are people ignoring me? I feel very depressed and need emotional support. Being ignored just makes it worse. ;-;

Nobody loves me, some people treat me like trash and others block me without even getting to know me. I just walk right up, say hi, and then I'm blocked for no reason. Why am I always treated like trash, my mom got in a car accident a few days ago and all I do is sit in my room, die a little every day by drinking a lot of soda, and cry myself to sleep because I miss those who used to care about me. It's gotten to the point where if I were a tree of life I'd be cut down and used for paper, but I'm more likely to be the garbage on the street because it seems like all I do is disrupt the balance of nature and inadvertently mess with people. I'm tired of being ignored like I did something wrong. Wake the fuck up samurai, we've got somebody to blame because I've done nothing wrong, and all they do is blame me like I'm some sort of pervert. I feel like I'm worthless and not gonna do anything in life, so I might as well get back at those who blamed me for libel. Plus I'm broke as all hell after spending a fortune on my new setup just to play PS5. I'm sick of being called a manipulative liar and all this, and I just feel if I were gone I wouldn't be a "problem" anymore.

I feel like trash. I honestly don't know what to do anymore, plus the fact that it's fathers day just reminds me of somebody I never met. Anyway, I wish I could be friends with people but all some of them do is throw me under the bus. There's this one person I used to talk to but it's been a downward spiral and I was scared to talk to him because it seemed like they would just get mad talking to me every time and I felt there was nothing I could say or do to make him happy. Plus the accusations being thrown against me in 2016 didn't help at all. All that over some stupid drama. That person was incredibly mean and somehow was friends with all my friends, so since they knew her longer they believed her because I was relatively new. I spent the past few days laying in bed sleeping and/or crying, and me scrolling through Twitter just makes me depressed as all hell because all I see are people being happy without me.

I wish I wasn't such a burden on everyone's life and that I could just have fun, but those people really messed me up and I fear for the sake of my mental health. I was trying to be happy. In fact, I was happy I had friends and everything, and several people threw me under the bus like I was a monster, one of which even knew another person who clearly did the same thing I did and did nothing to them. Why do I have to have such a terrible reputation all for nothing, with people saying I'm the one who messed up? I tend to act weird around others and now I'm scared of talking to people. I wish I could change things and go back and fix how I allegedly messed up, but nobody tells me anything. I wish there was something I could do to tell people that I did nothing wrong, and they need to stop attacking me. But, nobody believes me. If there was anything I could do, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I'm sad.