I feel like trash. I want to apologize to those I hurt back on DeviantArt in 2016, I was going through a phase at the time and shit just went South. It ended up in a way that people really took advantage of the situation and used it to manipulate me. Me getting banned from DeviantArt didn't help either, as it only added false credibility to the erroneous claims, gossip, and rumors that were spreading about me. In fact, I'm starting to believe what people say about me even though it's not true. I have been told numerous times to "end my life" by the same ones I used to love, and if shit keeps going South I don't know what I'm gonna do... I want to reconcile my differences and be friends, but some people think it's okay to attack someone based on if that person likes something they absolutely hate, and even think it's okay to get people swatted and/or doxxed over that. If I ever had a second chance I would really use it but me acting so stupid I would fuck it up all over again. The world is a cruel and unforgiving place, I wish I could just be happy for my birthday. :(

Am sad, I feel like I'm constantly hated and all the stupid drama of my past is just there to haunt me rather than forgotten. I feel like a fucking idiot that nobody loves as people treat me like shit and all I do is act stupid. You know the definition of insanity? I feel like that, doing the same fuckign thing over and over again and expecting a different result, as other people are driving me crazy. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I got my covid vaccine today, had to wait 15 minutes after the shot and there was no reaction.
Let's see how I feel tomorrow.

I feel sad and I want to cry.

New year, same old shit.
When will this drama be over?

I've been to this restaurant with my mom, and it seems a car crashed through the window. I wasn't there when this happened though.
https://www.newsbreakapp.com/n/0Y9TKFpB?s=a99&pd=07ZxMfGY&hl=en_US

One day I'll be noticed. :(

I'm sick of what I have to put up with every day, so here's a list of 13 reasons why I'm depressed:

1.Assholes see something they don't like in a website, then try to change it to make it WORSE for people who are okay with it.
2.Nobody loves me, I'm treated like shit both online and IRL. (There's only like a few good people in both though.)
3.Back in 2016, this person told me to kill myself, it even escalated on Twitter regarding an unpopular opinion I have.
4.I miss some of my old friends, those "accusers" against me ruined my innocence with the BS they believe about me, and will do anything to get others to believe in said BS.
5.I act like an idiot online, doing the same exact thing and expecting a different result is driving me to insanity. I want to be different but how can I do that if I get treated like shit all the time?
6.I feel like I have no friends despite knowing a few good people.
7.My best friend IRL doesn't wanna come and play games anymore because he's busy with schoolwork.
8.I can't escape this purgatory of a virus.
9.I wish I had the virus, maybe that'll help me escape it.
10.My mental health may be deteriorating due to BS that happens to me.
11.My PS5 may be defective. (Crashes whenever I try to share a video.)
12.I probably have stalkers.
13.People think I'm an asshole and don't even try to accept me for who I am.

I feel horrible because I'm under the impression that some of my friends don't like me because I act stupid around them. One time I showed one of my friends an animation I made in SFM and said it involved "bathroom content", and they got mad at me for showing it to them because they thought it would be something they like involving the bathroom rather than pooping, when in reality I could have been more straightforward although I think it was because I felt embarrassed to say it involved "pooping". Honestly, I can't believe how I fucked up so bad for trying to be different versions of myself with different people, not that I'm hiding anything or anything like that, what I mean is some people I'm comfortable mentioning things around while others I might try to imply it, or I might act differently around someone because they don't know very good English and I want it to be easy for them to translate what I'm saying. This one friend I have it's kinda been a downward spiral and I think it's down to miscommunication as well as me being somewhat anti-social. I want to go to bed and cry because I miss some of my friends and I feel like I'm treated badly.

How can I end this nightmare? Imagine having a nightmare while you're awake 24/7 because your friends hate you. I'm not saying I'm gonna end it all or anything like that, and I'm not talking about anyone in particular, but if you happen to have such a negative opinion of me that you're seriously gonna comment that I deserve all the hate or that I should kms then you're no better then the light you interpret me in.

I bought the PS5 on Target's website at 2AM, I only had a few minutes to do it but at least I was awake.

Just gonna come out and say this.

Some time ago, there was a big scandal involving me on Discord. Some people claimed they had evidence of me being a "zoophile" and passed it around, but I was never shown the evidence nor told what was being said about me. From what I've heard, it had something to do of me saying or doing something about "sex with animals", but that's bogus because I'm not into sex at all, and I know damn well better than that. My life has been a downward spiral ever since this one person came out calling me a pedophile with no "relevant" evidence, as the evidence she had against me didn't involve any actual minors nor anything involving me soliciting minors, plus one way to get a person hated is to call them a pedophile with no evidence. I even got a phone call from a police officer on December 23rd, 2018 at around two in the morning about some 13 year old I knew (Which was BS, she was 17 during the call, and it was her birthday) saying I did sexual things with them. (Also BS, all I did was RP and there was no sex involved at all, I don't even know them IRL.) I can't believe the shit I have to go through every day just for people I know are good and I thought were friends to hate me just because some loser called me something that's bad in society. If you have a negative opinion about me and you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm a good person that would never purposely abandon my friends. Every day I hope there's some miracle that gets me out of this mess I've been thrown into, even if it's partially my fault I'm in it because I can't keep my mouth shut. I don't know what to say, I hope for a chance to start over.

I received an e-mail with the following content:
________________________________________________________________________
I know [My Password Here] is one of your password on day of hack..
Lets get directly to the point.

Not one person has paid me to check about you.

You do not know me and you're probably thinking why you are getting this email?
in fact, i actually placed a malware on the adult vids (adult porn) website and you know what, you visited this site to experience fun (you know what i mean).
When you were viewing videos, your browser started out operating as a RDP having a key logger which provided me with accessibility to your display and web cam.


immediately after that, my malware obtained every one of your contacts from your Messenger, FB, as well as email account.


after that i created a double-screen video. 1st part shows the video you were viewing (you have a nice taste omg), and 2nd part displays the recording of your cam, and its you.
Best solution would be to pay me $1098.


We are going to refer to it as a donation. in this situation, i most certainly will without delay remove your video.


My -BTC -address: 1AALtiRKu2iaeFKUVSSQNwCevJRrkjrQ2M

[case SeNSiTiVe, copy & paste it]

You could go on your life like this never happened and you will not ever hear back again from me.


You'll make the payment via Bitcoin (if you do not know this, search 'how to buy bitcoin' in Google).


if you are planning on going to the law, surely, this e-mail can not be traced back to me, because it's hacked too.

I have taken care of my actions. i am not looking to ask you for a lot, i simply want to be paid.

if i do not receive the bitcoin;, i definitely will send out your video recording to all of your contacts including friends and family, co-workers, and so on.

Nevertheless, if i do get paid, i will destroy the recording immediately.

If you need proof, reply with Yeah then i will send out your video recording to your 8 friends.
it's a nonnegotiable offer and thus please don't waste mine time & yours by replying to this message.
________________________________________________________________________

Yes, the dude actually had my password. However, I use Linux, so how the hell did he find out?
Another thing, I don't have a webcam on my computer, so I'm pretty sure this is bullshit.

:3
https://i.imgur.com/wKZRKkQ.jpg

I cried today.

I feel like shit. Nobody loves me and I feel the world would have been better off without me. If you really care about me, prove it, because people I care about treat me like a brick wall and vandalize me.

I feel like nobody loves me. :(

I wanna go to bed and wish my problems would go away. >.<

So, I've been thinking of making a Patreon for those who wish to support me, it can be found here when it's approved: https://www.patreon.com/coolperez8

I likely won't paywall my stuff and continue to post here, although you might be able to see more or exclusive animations here when the time comes.

Sorry for sending stupid things. Nobody loves me. :(

It's my birthday today! :D

:(

So, my computer's fixed and I would like to buy a mouse pad for it.

Anyone wanna donate to my PayPal here? The fix was like $1,000 and currently I can't afford to buy anything until my birthday so donations are appreciated.
http://paypal.me/coolperez8

Can a person be considered "dying" if they lay in bed all day on their phone, feeling depressed with no end to their depression in sight? :(

>:\

I got into an argument today and am crying myself to sleep.