It was mine.
It isn't any more (as of 6 hours ago)
It kinda sucked...
About as much as I expected, but still.
Mother's off touristing in Vietnam, Dad's off doing scout things or work things somewhere. So stuck at home with my twin brother wh?o is kinda annoying.
I mean, it was basically just a normal day, and it was about the same as my other birthdays have been, so I don't understand why it bothers me enough that I'm actually writing about it....
I haven't heard happy birthday from so many friends, I've barely gotten a gift, admittedly dad got us a birthday cake before he left, but everything about this birthday just seems... Impersonal? Distant? I don't know what word to use...
I guess just lonely works....

I doubt the few of you who are following me care, so sorry to all of you for this stupid little rant...

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:52840274

Just looook, he's awesome

I've lost it. All of it. It's just gone and I have no idea what to do....
It's a struggle to even write this and I have no idea if I'll have enough to push the post button....
Drew a couple of things I wanted to show people but couldn't... Tried to say a bunch of things and then didn't....
I kinda know what caused it but I have no idea what I can do about it......
Sorry for ranting....
I'll stop now...

I found out my grandmother died last night....
I had a lovely conversation about my lack of employment, money, and ability to gain either...
I pissed off one of the people I care about the most in the world, and one who I've looked up to for as long as I've known him....
I decided not to go with my dad to arrange my grandmother's funeral because I'm pathetic and a useless coward who's afraid to even leave the house....
I failed to even get something out for dinner.....

The only thing I managed to do today is draw a picture which I don't even know if it's accurate....

Why haven't I killed myself already?.... Why can't I just finally end it and stop putting people through so much misery and annoyance......
I don't deserve to live and be happy and be loved..........

I kinda want to draw something but I haven't been able to come up with anything, so I might be willing to do requests. Nothing too complex, and it probably wouldn't look amazing, but still.
If anyone has anything they want drawn I'd be happy to hear it at least.
There are some fetishy things I won't draw, and multiple characters is iffy unless I find myself really wanting to draw them.

Uhhh, that's about all I can think of to say at the moment.

It's always nice to finally actually hear what people think of you....
Especially when you hear that they all basically hate you.....
Why do I always stay in places where people abuse me? What's wrong with me? Why do I keep trying to find people who care? Barely anyone even tolerates my existence any more.......

Even better, I was just abused by one of the people who got me into the furry fandom and a number of kinks/fetishes in the first place......

Wow... This is the first time I've thought about killing myself in months........

I just wanna curl up in a hole and die........

Just been feeling kind of weird about some of my interactions with people lately...
I mean, I feel like I've been acting a little like a little puppy that's begging for attention, only to be ignored or kicked. Yet it keeps coming back and begging again and again...
That's just how I feel... And I don't know why I feel this way, and I don't know why I'm o desperate for attention from these specific people...

There's probably no point in writing this...

Maybe I should just give up on art....
I'm not very good, and I definitely can't see myself getting good enough to sell anything....
I don't know....
It doesn't seem like anyone wants to see it anyway....

I guess it doesn't really matter.... The only reason I draw is because I can without it looking absolutely terrible.... And to give people I like and care about things.... Kind of an apology for having to put up with me....

I feel really confused all the time, and just generally strange or awkward, and I have no idea why... It only started happening recently and I have no idea what it is but I just always have this feeling that something is wrong with me, or that I've forgotten something......

Even writing this doesn't really feel real... Or right...
Am I losing my mind? I hope not ;w;

Does anyone know if you can delete journals?
I kinda want to get rid of all my stupid depression crap but I have no idea how.

EDIT: Never mind, I found it. Also, going to a Christmas thingy in.... 3 hours!!! Hopefully it will go well~
Also, I'm kind of shocked at how few of my journals weren't somehow depression related, and as such I would like to apologize to everyone for it. I know I don't post journals often but I'm sure the few I did write either worried or bothered those who care about me. Sorry to all of you *hugs you all*

EDIT: And have a merry Christmas weekend!! :D

EDIT: I just realized that might have been a mistake since its only Friday morning here in Australia, which means it's still Thursday elsewhere ^^;
Updated my profile too if anyone's interested.
I think I'll stop adding to this now.
Have a great day/night/whatever! ^^

I hatched a shiny Eevee in Pokémon X! And it was only the fifth egg!

AND IT HAS ITS HIDDEN ABILITY!

For the first time ever, I don't seem to be able to feel anything emotionally. It's a very interesting and strange experience.
I know that I should be feeling something, and I know what it is, but I just don't seem to be able to.
It's probably a defense mechanism, but I don't really know what could have caused strong enough feelings to do this to me.