Certainly been a while since I've done something like this...

As usual, not much to say coming from me. Celebrating both me and my mom's birthdays this weekend, and as of this time I'm officially 40. Just....don't know how to feel about it right now but I'm sure feel it eventually.

For now, just trying to stay warm on my favorite season of the year and hope you all are still up and about somehow.

Take care

Gezz after looking at my past entries, seems like I've almost only bring these up whenever my birthday is near. As usual I don't know what to say about that; I'm turning 39 this week and I'm not feeling so special/accomplished lately.

And seems after the latest hack attack on FA, everything is back to normal and its business as usual for everybody.

Well, almost everybody.

When the all clear was officially issued out, everyone else seemed to log back into their accounts like normal. But when I tried to, it went nowhere. I've done almost everything from changing my password simply to play it safe, to checking my settings on my browser only to get the same results. I even went to clean out my cached files and cookies before restarting my computer for good measure. I've reached out to FA staff for help and recommended me to reach my account on another browser and, as a last resort, did just that hence how I was able to get back in with no further issue.

The whole ordeal was distressing if not an inconvenience; seems like everyone else was able to get back into their own accounts while I run into nothing but issues. And even when I do find a way, I have to jump from browser to browser just to reach a website or two. So where to go from here, ditch one and migrate to a totally different one?? At one point I sworn it was some sort of sign; me not being able to access my account means I'm no longer welcomed there anymore for some reason.

But yeah, if my updated favorites gallery hasn't made apparent, guess I'm back too finally. And just in time to see some contemplating to moving elsewhere after this latest hot mess. And after losing yet another loved and valuable member/founding father of this community no less.

So yeah, that's what I got in a nutshell. No need for thanks for this crummy "update" from me. Been up and down for me lately.

Gezz it's certainly been a while since I've done one of these, mostly cause they're probably rarely read.

But still I guess I'm still up and around somewhat and doing ok. Not much to write home around. But enough about me, just throwing it out there that through I'll turn 38 tomorrow, still send your wishes to my mom who's birthday is today if you can believe that.

So yeah, hope everyone else is still hanging in there as much as I am and take care.

Yeah it's been a while since I said a word or even posted anything, and if my favorites gallery isn't evidence enough, I'm still up and around somehow. Work and issues at home, work and personally have kept me drained, not to mention trying to financially keep my head above water (and failing at times) hence why I couldn't request any commissions as usual let alone solid ideas to back them up. But enough about me...

Just throwing this out there to wish everyone a blessed holidays and new year as we're days away from entering 2023 (if you can believe that, just wow).

If the years before aren't apparent, more than an unfair share of bad fortune have fallen upon us and the world over, at times beyond our control or knowledge. And yet somehow in someways, such silly things like hope and (for lack of better words on my behalf) forms of good tend to shine through at the end or a rather bleak tunnel we all had to go through. It's happened time and time again, and 2023 would be no different but Lord above knows how that'll turn out.

That's pretty much all I can conjure up for being "dead" for a while. As always thanks and take care.

Well as the title says, today's the day of my birth as I turn 37 today.

37......jesus....=_=;

Apart from the lack of words on my end, I don't have much planed other than work (heck, as we speak I'm typing this at 6:00AM-ish and I have to head off to work afterwords). As usual don't have much to say other than thanks and many blessings to all of you for sticking around/tolerating me to this point despite my setbacks and whatnot.

And on saying that, don't forget to especially send birthday wishes to my mom, who so happens to have a birthday the day before mine. Yup, take that as you will.

Pretty much all for now, be down to Earth but keep you head up.

Hey all, certainly has been a minute, has it?

Well don't know what to say really other than I'm still up and around, just busy and drained from the 40+ hour a week drudgery with the occasional weekends.

Had somewhat a good Easter, would have been better if my dad didn't have to spend the weekend from Friday in the hospital after losing a good amount of blood after a trip to the bathroom doing #2 (your old school if you know the bathroom lingo). Certainly had some of us especially me worried if not concerned for him let alone worried for my parents. Last time one of us had to be rushed to the emergency room....

But long story short, thankfully he's currently back home and being well fed by us.

Guess I'm looking out for everyone close lately, even co-workers and bosses. Especially since I just found out that a best friend of my boss sadly and recently passed away. A surprising blow, especially since I've worked with said person years ago.

So yeah, apart from that, I've been somewhat hanging on somehow trying to be a better person since I've been feeling shitty lately from past mistakes. I really don't know what else to say at this point....that's it.

Thanksgiving came and went, as well as my anniversary at DeviantArt which I noticed from my past journals that I have missed.....yet again beyond my knowledge. But that still won't stop me from simply giving my thanks to my family and friends, especially those that may have severed ties with me for different reasons. I thank each of you for your patients and gratitude through out the years let alone my existence as I try to be good the best ways I can, even at times I feel I've fallen short to expectations.

This goes especially to family and friends personally, with that I'm speaking of my second older brother Marcus AKA Marcus the Hedgehog  mth001 , and Kyle Dragon  kyledragon who, in case anyone doesn't know, have recently sadly passed away. I barely remember chatting with him only once but it's been so long ago, it may be on MSN IM or Yahoo! IM. Either way I miss them both and the fact that I know them in a way sometimes makes me feel somewhat uneasy, like if I'm next or someone close. I know and understand that's how life goes and so forth, but still...

So yeah, I like say I'm doing these small changes from the name, avatar, ect. by choice and not forced in the name of anything that happened or it makes someone feel...uncomfortable for lack of better words.

With nothing else to say on that, I'm simply saying thanks to all of you for standing me and accepting me for who I am despite my shortcomings and hope for many more with good fortune, understanding and health and so forth.

Hi all, certainly been a while hasn't it?

As usual, I don't have much to say other than I've been decent lately; work and other things has kept me somewhat busy lately. And if anything I'm abit more active on discord and Skype (somewhat).

And if you haven't noticed the title yes, today is my 36th birthday and as usual I don't feel so special, not even mentioning no thanks with today's turn of events. If anything, send my mother some birthday wishes as well, as hers was yesterday before mine. Yeah, believe it XD;.

Anyway that's pretty much it, as always thank you and bless those that stuck around my sorry behind all this time and those that actually still remember me. Take care

I'll keep this short and sweet for the obvious reasons.

In honesty at first, I didn't feel like celebrating Christmas after all that has happened this year, with losing my brother among them. Yet still, I just can't shut down and forget or "cancel" everything like some people. There's a reason such a holiday like this exists; to come together and rejoice as one, being with family and friends and hope and work on a better and brighter new year to come.

Despite everything, I'm still thankful for my family, and friends that stood by, let alone tolerate, me despite my short comings.

And for that, I simply say here's to a merry and blessed holidays to one and all. And a happy birthday to the "man upstairs", and those that celibate their birthdays this month and here's to many more with good fortune.

As always, I don't have much to say especially during times like this, so I'll just spit it out and make it simple and sweet.

On this day, me and the family big out final farewells to my brother. It was even open casket and, to tell you the truth despite everything, he still looked good and the same long before tragedy struck. I know and understand hearing something like that may be off putting, so I'll say it like this; he seemed at peace. Guess now more than ever, not having to worry about the ills of the world or the pandemic claiming him, ect. It was something none of us expected nor want, but eventually accepted in due time, as each of us since birth is living in borrowed time be it through harsh uncertain times as this or not.

And it's with that, I simply like to say thank you for your words and concerns among other things. Hearing how much of an impact my brother has had on certain people, and the somewhat legacy he has left behind, like I said before, words from my mind and mouth can't describe. And I don't want to seem like I'm dodging you or anyone for those wanting to make contact, because I can say in advance with no disrespect or anything, I'm not always a good conversationalist ^^;.

If you must weep, no one is stopping you. But don't be for long because while the night may belong, the joy of morning would eventually rise. Or something along those lines, that's just something one of the pastors mentioned during today's service. And I agree.

All this happened on Wednesday, hump day if you will. We got over the hump, and the rest is on us. Take that as you will, sorry.

So thanks again for your thoughts, prayers and help, and please take care.

Hello again, everyone.

As usual I don't have much to say in my currant state, other than update you all to what really happened and what's to come in regards of me and my folks.

As you have unfortunately know, my brother Marcus, also well known to many as Marcus the Hedgehog, have suffered sever breathing problems to the point where he had to be rushed to the hospital. Despite best efforts from the doctors and EMS, he sadly passed even while on the way to the hospital Tuesday night around 10:30-ish PM.

Yesterday the autopsy came back with the results; he was even tested for COVID-19, and came back negative. The cause of death was not only due to enlarged heart but a blood clot in the lungs, cutting any oxygen to his body. None of us that was going on inside, and he always did his part of staying healthy.

The funeral is next week, neither of us is ready yet to see him one last time.

Again, words from me can't describe how messed up I am right now, though not as much as my fellow brothers and folks among others being taken from us so soon. Further more, I can't express my gratitude for those that came forward and expressed their sorrow and blessings, to have met such a person and close friend even up to now.

And for that, even if I know nothing of you other than your friendship of my departed brother, I thank you all.

Thank you and take care.

Hi everyone.

I seriously don't know how to put it into words, but you read right; I lost a fellow sibling tonight, my second oldest brother who even friends know him as  mth001 .

As I recall, he was having problems breathing to the point that he collaped and EMS had to be called. They took him and went to work on him, while my mom and first older brother waited at the hospital after hearing he was starting to breath and calm down normally. Once in the ER, the doctors for the past 30-45 minutes or so did everything they could but.....he passed around 10:30-ish.

They say he expired during the ride to the hospital, and the doctors did their best from there.

We won't have a cause of death report in a couple of days after autopsy, to see what was the cause. Meanwhile, for lack of better words to put in, things are slowly and surely taking place and arrangements are being made.

I'm....fucked, right now. I'm not in my best state, let alone everyone in the family but just as for me, even while typing this.

I'll do my best to give further details as this develops, but for now.......

Just dropping a line to say today was my birthday and I turn 35, though lately or as per usual I'm not in the best mood to celebrate it.

If it was anyone else's birthday be it family or friends, I'd at least give my greetings. I personally sometimes feel I'm not as deserved, guess I'm moody like that at times.

Thanks anyway.

I've been trying my damnedest to think this through, through out...everything. While I go about what I usually do outside of work and all, my mind is a mess just to figure out the words to express my point of view without sounding "I've learned something today" like some after-school special, like my mind was born yesterday or something. At the same time as always, I could never think of these things through enough so...there you go. And it seems due to the obvious currant events, almost everyone I know been wanting to get things off their chest, blow off some steam. Guess it's my turn, wither anyone cares or not.

And first off in case anyone thinks differently, I agree without question; Black Lives Matter.

Surprised, relieved or whatever that someone that's into law enforcement/crime fighting says that? I don't know what to expect, really. No doubt it's beyond true even after such harsh times as these come to pass. And if I was to say something like "All Lives Matter", I fear people would think ill of me and my way of thinking, or would think one race is superior over the other. Guess in a way that's how it is somewhat lately; damned if you do, damned if you don't.

So you know what, fine. What do I think regardless? Black lives matter, but in the end all lives on this earth matter. The black, the brown and all the way around. Especially those that stood by me for the longest time.

And on that note, seems word was going around that now "de-funding the police" is a thing, they also want to question the fictional portrail of cops, thus someone like Chase of Paw Patrol getting the uncomfortable spotlight. And being who I am and having my main OC Copman and all, I've been told to hold back or hide the mantle or my hobby. And I can understand that, possibly avoid any misguided backlash with the currant events. And at risk of sounding like some sort of backhanded asshole, it's one on the other hand that I have to respectfully decline.

I can get why I've been told this and I know their trying to help, and no words from me can express my gratitude, but in my "stupid" way of thinking in the back of my mind, it felt like I should hide what I like or into or even my own Copman as if in shame especially with ACAB out and about in full force. Screw what you like and move on to something else more accepting with a snap of fingers, it may seem. Even my very username might cause a stir, so you better change it damn fast. Me or the character was never actually cops but I guess that doesn't matter, just means that you automatically, justifiably and understandably support and defend corrupt goverment and unjust police actions especially on those of a different color.

.......Really. just really now?? Since when am I, of all people, approves this kind of shit?

So you know what, especially to those into ACAB wanting to think ill of me cause of what I'm into or my main OC, I'll make it easy for you;

I'm into law enforcement/crime fighting (obviously among other things), AND AGAINST CORRUPTION AND UNJUST ACTIONS IN ALL FORMS, but to you I am a bastard.

Wish I didn't have to say this because it itself is pretty obvious, but I believe in such things as equal justice for not one, but for ALL people and those that strive and fight to uphold it. But I am a bastard.

While personally I'm nowhere near perfect, I still do my best to show my gratitude as well as respect and help my friends the best I could, and trying not to think ill of them despite how they would think of me. But I am a bastard.

In regards of Copman; he's nowhere near the perfect superhero, but all the same a brave, stongwilled and friendly individual, especially as Michael Knight himself, willing to defend the weak and take the fight to the bad guys and super criminals who especially won't take a second thought of taking advantage of said weak and helpless. But I guess even he, DESPITE NOT BEING AN ACTUAL COP BUT A VIGILANTE, is a bastard.

If it's like that then fine; I. AM. A. BASTARD.

Sorry for outburst even if it sounds misguided. My mind is not at it's best lately for the obvious reasons. I appreciate each of you and I'm sorry to those that I somehow wronged or ignored. I'm not going to verbally flip you the bird and think nothing but ill for you, even if you would of me.

At one point I was thinking of all the posts in my gallery of anything cop related and "hiding" them in scraps, or plain deleting them from existence. While I was able to scrap them here in my FA page, my DA page is another story with the update and all, so I just left them out in the open to be admired.

I'm hoping to unscrap such works here and sticking to it, regardless of possible backlash. Because to me in the end while I thought of the ideas and I placed them in my gallery (with permission of course), it comes down to this; I send my ideas/request to such person who is far skilled in their right than I (and NOT denouncing anyone, mind you), who could have declined them and told me to screw me and my requests, but instead accepts it. I give payment, they work hard on it as well as make changes if need be, and I do my best to be patient and give them whatever time they need because life happens even to the best of us. And one finally finished, present it as such.

These individuals (if you see your work/s, you know who you are) brought my ideas, my characters, worlds, ect., including Copman to life and even though some may not think much of it, me deleting them would be a disservice on how hard they worked on such pieces, how can they NOT be shown and admired by others than just me? And for that, I can't say much else other than thank you.

And thanks of for sticking around me despite everything.

First off, I'm fine (somewhat) and don't have this nasty virus that's been causing quite a stir globally. And despite curfews and quarantines in place, I still have to go to work as per usual.

With the currant situation at hand, I guess I have alot of thinking to do personally. And I have to get this off my chest and don't care if it sounds like I'm whining or not or whatever. With all this unrest, all while topped with a global pandemic which is still going strong, suffice it to say things are fucked all around. This is the point where I try to say something uplifting, and been praying for a peace of mind though out all this, but...I got nothing. Just not a damn thing, and it's not like anyone would listen or read this anyway. It's to the point where it starts to have me think; should I change my username and possibly give away my main OC Copman? Cause to be honest, I feel ashamed to have such name right now.

Please believe me, it's not like I had my eyes wide shut for the past years when things like this happen, I'm not that stupid or naive. For serious lack of better ways to put it, I always thought police, despite every flaw imaginable and true, were one of the good guys. Obviously there are plenty of others, much better, but still. I've been into anything cop related ever since I was a kid, while everyone else had their superheroes and what not, this one somewhat was mine. I always hate seeing and hearing things like this on the streets, the news, movies, ect. of cops doing things like this and getting away with it cause it's just not right in every level.

I never was able to become a cop myself. Why? Outside from the harsh realities, I personally didn't think I'm physically or menially able to take on such a job, and sometimes feel like all this time I've been into cops and such is a waste and a joke when it's merely a personal hobby. Still is even now.

I've heard stories, and have friends who are rocky with cops and for good reason, making me wonder sometimes if I'm worthy of their friendship or to simply chat alone. My eyes are wide open to things like this, which is why my mind right now is screwed.

Guess that's one of the reasons why my OC Copman was formed; a crime fighting superhero in police form. So far with what's going on, let alone my lack of ideas on how to keep this main OC up and going, I honestly don't know what to do. I've been contemplating on abandoning him, selling him to someone who might do a hell of alot better than I ever can for him, and changing my username all together so people won't feel uncomfortable whenever they see it.

I know and understand such decisions like these are mine and mine alone and yet I still ask, to those that know me for a long time; for everything I've done from creating these OCs and such, am I a fake or a joke to you all? I may be many things, but I can't be that stupid or naive to the harsh truths even way back then. I feel like one sick joke.

Hope it isn't somewhat wrong for me if I'm not much into the spirit lately, heck my folks don't have much money for gifts let alone set up a tree yet.

With the cold weather, maybe its somewhat of a sign of harsh uncertain times or me rambling as per usual. But whatever, none the less I find one way or another to keep my chin up knowing you somehow still have people around that love/care about you.

I really got nothing to say, just real tired and I'm writing this at 5:00AM (thank goodness I'm on Christmas vacation from work till somewhere in the start of January). Even if your hearts not in it no matter what the situation, I just want to thank each of you for standing me all this time and just want to wish you and yours a happy and blessed holidays and better new year. More like have a good day and a better one tomorrow:).

Wouldn't call it an update since there isn't much to say so...

I'm doing ok for the most part, trying to stay upbeat since working 8-9 hours on the job.

Going to have my first colonoscopy next week and been quite concerned ever since it was set up. So...wish me luck...

And speaking of luck, as you may read, I currently had my system upgraded to Windows 10 and for lack of better words...just working my way around it to get comfortable to it's updates and features. Some ways are working out, and of course some still take some getting used to. In regards of IM systems, I can't seem to get back into my Skype account despite some efforts. So if anything, I can only be reached by Discord since I'm on there mostly.

Still working on revamping my OC cast, so....there's that XD;.

So that's pretty much it, take care till then. And no need to thank me for the update since...there isn't much to update...yeah^^;.

Just to let everyone know, while I do appreciate any birthday wishes and such (seriously though, I appreciate each of them), I'd like you to also wish my mom happy birthday since its today and mine is tomorrow RIGHT after hers.

Yeah, me and mom are Virgos and share the same month with our B-Days side by side. Something, ain't it? XD

For those wondering what happened, for one no I'm not dead...yet anyway but still^^;.

A lot has happened and to put it simply, internet connection was cut off...literally. Folks was doing some yard work around the house last Monday and by accident, cut the outside line which connects to the internet all around the home by sheers. Repair man was called and said to be here to fix it on Thursday, hoping we'll be back online so to speak on Friday.

So it came and so did he....kind of. Was told he was there and ONLY knocked on the back door and didn't bother coming to knock on the front door before leaving completely. And my folks were inside the whole time. Don't know the details since I was out at work at the time, but now we had to wait till he returned on Monday today. So year, a whole week of being kind of in the dark.

But now I'm back, and have alot of catching up to do. So if you ever wondered (if at all) what happened to me, well...chalk this up to technical difficulties beyond my control. It happens folks.

So here's hoping y'all are doing better than I!

Hey all, hope everyone's doing fair on their end.

For anyone keeping track of me, as per usual work have kept me busy and bushed almost as usual but still up and about...somehow.

Guess Pawday came and went but hey, the way I see it it's like pizza; you can have it anytime (though I for one don't mix feet with food).

Also recently noticed we have Shinies for tips, sorry if I sound uninterested or something. I'd give it a try if I was actually worth throwing money too.

And does anyone else notice that each time you view a submission, it's grown to it's actual large size rather than compressed unless you download or click to view it's larger size...or is it just me?

Guess that's all from me, take care.

So after months of woe, stress, training and being straight up broke I'm happy to say I'm finally back working. I'm currently working at a facility as a electrical assembler. Not only is the pay and benefits are more than good, but it so happens to be in the neighborhood. Never knew till some time ago:shrug:.

While I am somewhat relieved, this leaves me no doubt somewhat weary. The things I have to learn (and still are) in which I have to assemble things seemingly from the ground up all while trying to wrap my head around the way they do blueprints and keeping things in check and more. It's overwhelming and under a no nonsense supervisor doesn't help much. Long story short, a rough first week which will only get abit more complicated as it goes on.

Best I can do at this point, if not obviously, is learn what I can and ask for help, and hope they and those around me would have the patience in dealing with me as I slowly get back in the work foot in a new line of work.

Sorry if this seems somewhat shallow and incomplete to understand, these days would leave me tired as I have to be there at 7AM to 3 or 4PM. Leaving at times little to no energy to talk to folks, who I'm sure is wondering why I haven't even said "whats up" to them, fear of losing them and you. Hopefully now you know and keep me in your hopes and prayers (and the same to you), cause considering what I got myself into I'm gonna need it and more.

Thanks.

As some of you may know I'm currently unemployed and looking (and applying) to get back to work. Alot of research, studying and applying has to be done if I'm to be accepted, let alone hired if lucky. Guess all I'm asking for is what you see on the title here; if I don't answer your calls or anything, please don't take this personal. I'd love you chat with you guys (especially those I haven't talked to in a long while), but I just need a clear and focused head for these meet and greets and possible interviews to follow, let alone any studying and research that's needed beforehand.

Understanding and patience is all that's being asked, and I really need a clear head for this. It's only been the forth month since unemployed, its too long even for me.

At least that's what I had in the back of my mind. For those that kept track or cared, while still pretty much jobless and penniless I'm currently taking up some computer classes in hopes of landing a job in the field of computer data entry (at least that's what my dad mentioned so with nothing else in mind....I'm going for that). They're early morning classes which I had to get use to but have to stick to it in hopes once completed, the certifications could help me stand out during resume and interview time. Back in January I've completed a two week course and somewhat certified on basic computer literacy.

As recommended and suggested, I decided to sign up and go for entry level computer training.....which is a four week class that (as I eventually found out after orientation and day one) teaches you how to maintain, disassemble and repair a computer and uploading its software. An IT class....

I'll be as blunt as possible. As far as this classes goes, there's nothing wrong with it as they teach you step by step through the process from the ground up. As for me, no matter how much I have been taught and took notes, I'm a fish out of water when it comes to things like this. And it doesn't help in the fact that once this course is completed, I'll need to take a A+ exam that needs to be JUST THAT, in order to be a "certified IT tech". So yeah again.....fish out of water^^;.

So today is week 3 and after taking it apart with a partner and taking notes yesterday, today we have to put it all back together and hope it functions. And we did.....kind of. We were able to connect and plug back in every cord we pulled off from an old tower system (everyone else had to do the same to the new models), though with ours is an issue of putting in programs and such since we pretty much put back together a somewhat empty system, something that would change and will be taught later this week and the next.

This was....certainly different. Guess like the title says here, I'm kind of glad I did it and learn where and how things work inside the tower. But once again...fish out of water with this stuff. Still learning with my sorry slow minded self:XD:;.

I've been hearing about it here and there and have to ask in regards of Discord as Skype user; is it any good? Seems some people I know have migrated to it lately and had to ask before jumping into the bandwagon in an attempt to somewhat stay relevant to some friends.

Early morning job training and such has been weary on me and my fokes lately, hence why I haven't been on and around lately....if it mattered.

Lately during this time of year, things for some of us to put it bluntly....unforgiving. Especially with me, even though understandably there are others that are currently worst off then me and kept in my thoughts and prayers....and somewhere someone is probably saying to themselves "Stop your bitching!".

For better or worst I'm really trying to keep a chin up despite all that has happened and going on around me, so being who I am I'll just say this and be done with since I'm kind of thick headed like that at times.

Here's to everyone having a blessed and happy holidays and New Year, or if you want to be as casual, simply have a good day and have a better one tomorrow.