Cormac's Journals -- Fur Affinity [dot] net

Streaming!

General | Posted 4 years ago

I'm streaming lulz and lewdz, comms and fun stuff - come check it :3

https://picarto.tv/cormacarts
https://picarto.tv/cormacarts
https://picarto.tv/cormacarts

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Talk shit, get lit

General | Posted 4 years ago

Uhm - I have some words, and they're kind of weird and incoherent so I apologise in advance.

Due to depression and some self-destructive neuroses born from trauma and ADHD (or both), as well as a bunch of unacknowledged body/identity dysmorphia, and unaddressed self loathing to do with my art and creative externality, I have been pretty absent from the community - not because of anything anyone did or said, but mainly because I was deep in my own damage and felt like I was always going to be the weirdo outcast Doggo, and that would simply be my permanently typecast role in any social group. I didn't feel like I deserved to talk to people here or in other furry groups because I felt like I was just too fuckin' weird and extra for even 'normal' furries to deal with.

But I had some pretty revelatory experiences recently and I came out of that with quite a few new perspectives that I definitely needed. I no longer hate the parts of myself that won't fit properly. And I don't want to be on the outside anymore, if you'll have me. :3

So, first off, this is official notice that I'm Non-binary - still He/him, because my pronouns were never the problem: Parts of my body, and the way I chose to address those problems, was. And there will be corrections undertaken. I'm still having a lot of moments of self-discovery and euphoria related to that, and I may gush excitedly - if I'm being more extra than usual, please feel free to approach me - here or in private - and talk to me about it. I am also super happy to talk about it too, so feel free to engage me about it too.

Secondly, I am a goddamn weirdo, but I swear that I'm a friendly and enthusiastic weirdo who wants to be creative and fun and willing to engage at any level with people - I am just as excited to do SFW artwork as NSFW and the WTFBBQ stuff I get pidgeonholed into doing as anything else!
Always and foremost; I love making beautiful things :3 and yes, I do believe that even scary, broken things can be beautiful. But when I do art for people, that's what I'm trying to do, regardless of what I'm being paid (or not) to do it.
The part of me that's the professional industry mercenary Doggo always argues for distance and measured neutrality with potential customers/clients - with good reason - but I also want to have friends.
So I'm going to try and have my cake and fuck it too. Or at least find a way to have a healthy work/life balance with the community I love.

Third; if at some point I have given anyone the impression that I am standoffish or unapproachable - that was/is the old Cormac who had no idea how to be open about his shyness and was terrified of being vulnerable. My mode of operation is to make people laugh - my sense of humour oscillates between dank memes, gallows humour, and self-deprecation, and it's also my way of trying to connect with people. If in doubt, I'm probably making a joke. Apologies if it's fucking weird or obtuse. I'm fucking weird and obtuse, but I really do like people. I'm also terrified of my ADHD-ass being enthusiastically extra and being overwhelming, so I often end up incredibly quiet and reserved - If I offer my opinion, it's because I feel comfortable and safe around you. If I clamp down, odds are good it's because I'm concerned I'll say something stupid or weird. Also I have resting bitch face.

I know this might seem... Unnecessary, abrupt, random, etc, but it's pretty important to me that I offer up myself honestly and as a vulnerable person with a bunch of issues trying to be the best version of themselves to be people he actually really likes but hasn't really articulated it correctly.

This message will probably end up in a few places, so if you see it elsewhere I promise it's just to ensure maximum outreach. Apologies in advance!

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Streaming!

General | Posted 4 years ago

Gonna stream some arts if anyone is remotely interested!

https://picarto.tv/CormacArts
https://picarto.tv/CormacArts
https://picarto.tv/CormacArts

Come join. Gonna be doing some concept work, 3D, sketches, new techniques, work on huge fuckoff commissions that are slowly killing me by inches... It'll be lulz. :3

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