I was recently diagnosed with cancer on Thursday.

reason I am saying this is that they don't know what cancer it is.

the doctors and surgeons are 100% sure it is not bowel, lung, testicular cancer which leaves a limited list but right now that list points to brain cancer.

IF and its a massive IF it is brain cancer this could explain why I went blind in my right eye and suffer huge left side weakness which includes pins and needles on the left hand fingers, some memory loss, blackouts, dizziness and various other ailments.

I'm not doing this for sympathy but as a warning.

if ANYONE has basic symptoms like what I have mentioned then please for the love of that is your deity get checked out.

if it does turn out I have brain cancer I don't know how long I have and it is scaring the hell out of me.

i'm 42 years old and I am legit terrified, I lost all of my grandparents through cancer, o lost my dad through cancer my mum is currently going through chemo for cancer which is showing signs of retreat but me ... I and scared.

I've downed a 1 litre of whisky because its took me that to write this .... I am terrified of this and I am not religious in any sense and yet I find myself asking a god I know does not exist to help me live through this fucking disease

it took me a while to post his here.

on sunday the 30th june my dad lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.

he passed away peacefully in his sleep and painfree while surrounded by his family at his bedside/

my dad was 63 years of age and was not only my dad but the best friend I ever had.

tomorrow is my dads funeral and I am already on edge.

I miss him so so much and I wish I could have done much more :(

on saturday the 8th of june i had the most nerdgasmic experience EVER.

i met, talked to, had tea and midday lunch with the ONE AND ONLY VIRGINIA HEY AKA Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan.

heres the run down.

she is currently living in the town of Troon on the west coast of scotland, she is making a business of hand made soaps, perfumes, scented oils scented candles and such.

well on the 8th of june she was at the ayrshire arts and crafts fair selling her good and i was there, i had to do a double take, a movie and tv superstar sitting in a small hall selling goods.

well me and my good friend was talking to her like a normal person and to be honest she was down to earth, she talked like a normal person and we chatted for hours, untill she invited me and my friend to go for a cup of tea and a bite to eat,

i almost fainted, now here is the kicker, she did not act like a movie star, she did not go all diva she was a real person, she is a genuinly a good person and here is the funny part.

she swears ..... a lot when she get into a thourgh story and she is funny.

after having tea and a bite to eat she signed a dvd cover for me and a picture for my friend, we helped her pack her items up after the end of the dair and she was very gratfull for the time and the help.

she did tell us a couple of storys of behind the scenes of farscape, i wont kiss and tell due to them being really dirty and some ere really personal.
except one, the she had to do a full body naked scene of farscape with the guy who had the armband on his wrist that injected a drug.
she was really naked and she strutted around the set stark naked for 2 hours and not caring, the ben browder could NOT stop blushing, claudia black on the other hand decided to join in,.

to cut a long story short, claudia, virginia , Gigi were all walking about stark naked along with several of the other crew, she said it was like a nudist day for a lot of the crew, she said ben browder had to walk off set and she later found out "little" ben would not go away for hours and he had to go put "little" ben on ice in a bath lol.

she dident hold anything back, she spoke about her family, her life, people she's worked with, what the bad times in her life were, the good times, her mistakes her loves and who she loved, she got teary when she was talking about one gentleman she was dating and what had happend on how it ended, she said it was the lowest point in her life at the time as she contemplated ending it,

it took a total stranger in a bar to tell her to wake up, get a grip think of what she wants to do with her life and that was her turning point.

she told us the aspects of her handmade items and how hard it is to get the ingredients and the shipping of them.

but anyway it was the best day i ever had, meeting, talking, having lunch and basicly spending the day with a freaking movie and tv star........ BEST DAY EVER :D

so for the past 2 weeks I have been holding my emotions in check as has my family.

my dad has been diagnosed with pancreatic AND liver cancer.

the last alcoholic drink my dad has was in 1985, he doesn't touch drugs not does be binge eat.

for a 63 year old man who served a decade in the royal highland fusiliers he has spent time in the worst war zones in the 70's and the start of the 80's until he fully left the army just at the start of the falklands war.

he was discharged due to medical reasons, his left leg was dislocated when he was caught in an explosion in northern Ireland during the troubles back then.

well he was told he has 6-12 months left to live.

I am sitting here totally numb.

my mum is the same as me but my oldest sister is a right fucking bitch as she turns EVERYTHING around so she can be the center of attention.

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say
I don't know what to feel.

its just that bad.

sorry if this makes everyone depressed but I just had to write something.

so last night, 4 hours of backing up 800+ gig of stuff from my pc to my external hard drive i formatted my main internal drive so it gives it the anuall clean up.
reinstalled windows, plugged in my external and yup it started, i could see the files and then POW

the hard drive died ........ at first i thought it was just the cable, so i tried another cable and nothing.

i took the drive out of the enclosure and plugged it into my hotswap bay and nothing, i plugged it into the inside of my comp and nothing.

the drive is dead, no power at all is starting it.

after 28 hours of trying nothing happend,

so i did the unthinkable ...... i opened the drive and what i saw made me cry ....... the reader heads had scored the platter surface and black soot like stuff was covering the inside of the drive.

games
movies
tv shows
cartoons
pictures
music
emulators
custom game clients

custom game server software

my encrypted file of email addys / passwords ALL GONE FOREVER, the amount of music i had was tipping to 1/2 a terrabyte and took me 12 years to gather everything.

and what happend next really REALLY made me cry, the internal WD drives died one after the other in the space of 6 hours, so 4 x 1600gig of WD drives gone, a 1TB external died, 4 x 250gig drives died,and 1 x 500gig idrive died

so lets add this up

4 x 160 = 640
4 x 250 = 1000
1 x 1000 = 1000
1 x 500 = 500

1000 + 1000 + 640 + 500 = 3140gig

over THREE TB of hard drives ALL DEAD ALL WD ALL DIED ON THE SAME NIGHT

FUCK YOU WD FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON.

thankfully the 1tb samsung drive i have is still going strong, mind you its brand new lol

so on october 26th i recived my copy of forza horizon for my xbox,
for 13 days straight i tore into the game, finishing every single race on the singleplayer side, did them all like 3 times untill i earned enough ingame cash to buy a ton of cars.

next i got tore into the online races, in the space of 4 days i hit level 49,

so on the 14th day i logged into my xbox, started the game and oh look a message, i was hoping it was the unicorn car i won from the contest on the forza forums, needless to say i was not happy one bit when i saw i had been console and server banned by turn10 from ALL the online servers.

the reason i was banned was "save game modding"

so next i contact the help line, sent in an email asking why then i asked on the forums, phREDESIGN replied and said it was because my xboxlive account is flagged "cheater".

now the reason i am so pissed off is that i have been banned from forza 3, forza 4 and also banned in ENTIRETY from the ENTIRE forza website INCLUDING the customer support pages.

i got banned from forza 3 because i won 9 unicorn cars and that i also was winning "to often" by this moderators "gut feeling".

when i got forza 4 i was quite happly enjoying the game for 13 days and i got banned on the 14th day accused of modding my save game.

now heres the biggie in which i have sent out a dozen emails. 3 physical registered letters as i saw with my own eyes my private account information published on the forums by phREDESIGN accusing another player of being ME on the forums.

he also quoted content from an email which is sitting in my hotmail account, he also posted other information which can ONLY be accessed by microsoft admins.

the information that was posted was
my RL NAME
my RL home address
my RL phone number
my RL mobile phone number
my RL Date of birth
my RL IP addresse
my console serial numberse

i sent turn10 emails and i sent microsoft a security alert emails AS well as phoning them, since then the post has been deleted and yet that moderator is still there like nothing happend.

it worries me that a forum moderator can access hotmail, xboxlive accounts and private information which should NOT me avalible to them.

now my console has been banned from ALL turn10 servers, oh and i'm also banned from turn10 website and their forums untill november 9th 2164.

in the past 6 months everything has just gotten worse and worse and worse and i am really at my emtional and physical teather

first thing is my oldest sisters terminal multiple sclerosis has gotten much worse, shes now at thestage where she will be wheelchair bound for the rest of her life

secondly my mum who has pancriatic cancer was told she will have to go in to hospital to have her pnacrias removed entierly and my mum is terrified and also her health is degrading

thirdly my dad has recently suffered his 3rd majot heart attack and almost died.

forth i have been told i may have to get spinal surgery as well as hip, knee, neck and shoulder surgery

and now 5th, my other sister was just told today she hasa brain tumour.

i.........i...........i just dont know what to do, i;m a fucking wreak


i cant take this .... i might lose everyone i love in a year or less and i cant take it

it seems the mods on the site decided to remove the "what if" post i made, now i DID say that i DID NOT make it and as for not getting permission to use it, there IS such a thing as "fair use policy" which allows people to repost items as long as the poster does NOT claim ownership.

i DID NOT claim ownership and i DID give credit to bioware for posting that image on there facebook page.

but i recived THIS in my Private messages

User did not create image.

The By You/For You Policy

1) By You:
"By You" refers to original content created by the poster. If you created it, you may post it, so long as it adheres to all other requirements of the AUP. Joint works or collaborative efforts must cite all contributing artists. Derivative work must cite the original source and provide due credit, and may be posted provided it is not traced.
2) For You:
"For You" permits users to repost work created exclusively for them ONLY when the original artist has granted permission to do so. Credit must be attributed to the original artist. The original artist reserves rights to revoke permission at any time or any reason.

American hurricane namers are lazy. They pick easy ones like “George” and “Kate”. Only in Scotland could they come up with Hurricane Bawbag.

It Makes Me HappyWhen we Scots get worldwide recognition for something other than bagpipes and haggis

well today i graduated from university in computer and network adminstration (the whole name would blow your mind) reguardless of the name is the qualifications i now have...makes me more qualified than most of the FA staff :D

was happy happy joy joy today :D

well it today i logged into secondlife and well......i got hit by a message

"your av was copybotted by someone so i am reporting you for letting your avatar get copybotted, enjoy your ban when you get it"

uuumm what the FUCK am i supposed to do to stop ppl copybotting, walk around naked, hell i dont even know what avatar it was because i have tons of em (even tho 90% of em are really old)

this person mystic or something like it dident even say what type or if it was even mine as theres tons of the same type of avatar out there

i DID catch someone copying my build tho..........right in FRONT of a linden and the linden dident do jack shit

so heres the short version
1)- was i a victim of copybotting??
2)- ths person reports ME which is lame
3)- i cant stop people from copybotting since its nigh impossible to see who is stealing your stuff
4)- was that person sure it was my av and not the same type like a lot of other people
5)- WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO DO
5)- i do have av protection which protects the av to a limit (IE:- they cant get individual skins / clothes / textures but they can still steal the prim attachment) so yeeeaaahhhhhh lame