ok so last night i was talking to someone who means a lot to me and i can't help myself..i mean i really do love him a lot..idk what to do...my heart goes crazy whenever i think about him.i just want to be with him..and love him how he deserves to be loved.. i want to be the one he falls for but i don't think he wants me how i want him..it hurts..i cry about it sometimes..but..i can't change fate..no matter how much i want to..*sighs* in my eyes he's perfect in every way...but i don't think i can truly have his heart..so i'll jus sit back and watch as he loves another and i'll cry with a smile knowing hes happy but wishing it was me he was happy with...i be there whenever he needs me..i just hope i don't become an annoyance in his life..cause i'd rather be close to him then him get angry and push me away... my heart just couldn't take it again..my heart just couldn't bare it.. in closeing..i love him and i'll probably never stop...and if your reading this nd you know im talking about you.. im sorry for putting this all on you.. im sorry and i hope i can still be your little one.....

this is a song for all my friends who have been told since they were young that being gay or bisexual is wrong.. this song describes so much hardship and that it dose get better.. this is for you..

https://soundcloud.com/angelhazeym/.....ets/angel-haze

not like buldgy muscles but nice firm big muscles i want an artits thats goo but not over $100 for a one chara commision

thats ok with a little bit of gore

It's nobody's fault that we ended up here
Just got caught up and overcome by our fear
Now it's so fucked up, now I'm drowning in tears
How can the people I come from just disappear?

So I go in my room and turn the lights off
And try to escape all the pain that you've caused
Turn the radio up and recite all the words
And try to find someone who knows how it hurts

I run away, all the fighting and the screaming
Someone wake me up; I'm dreaming, it's like a nightmare
I'm feeling lost ever since you got up and left
Now I'm trapped here in misery plauged by my regrets

Where do we go? Last shout being reckless
Wish I had someone when I'm feeling down and helpless
But now you're gone, I wish you would have stayed
And I'll just be a memory of what was yesterday

We rise, we fall, we gotta just keep holding on
What do you do when everyone you love is gone?
I'm feeling lost with no guidance or direction
Searching for protection, only seeing my reflection

I'm breaking down, trying to hold it all together
But it's kinda hard when you can't predict the fucking weather
And now you're gone, I wish you would have stayed
And I'll just be a memory of what was yesterday

I'm feeling destroyed by secrets and lies
Divided we fall
Unconditional love has been compromised
Divided we fall

We came into this world together
Over time it tore us apart
We fight and we scream and we curse at each other
Why can't we go back to the start?

Please don't go and leave me alone....

Maybe you died 'cause everybody ask me where you at
I try to channel you in hopes that I could steer you back
But it's like every intersection we just missed each other
You got your fans waiting tell me you ain't 6 feet under
And tell me that you're coming back and you just took a break
Maybe I blamed you for everything that was my mistake
In hindsight I loved your rawness and I loved your edge
'Cause it was you who talked me down from jumping off the ledge
Your earrings bamboo, your long nails too
Your BMW every time you came through
You was the brave heart
You stole Wayne heart
You never switched it up
You played the same part
But I needed to grow
And I needed to know
Were there some things inside of me that I needed to show?

So I just deaded you
Left you in all black
But dear old me...
Please call back

Yo, did I chase the glitz and glamour
Money, fame and power
'Cause if so that will forever go down my lamest hour
I should've kept you with me getting at them nameless cowards
There was no match for you, couldn't defeat your powers
I had to make them changes, I hope you understood
You see for every bad, I did a ton of good
But you was underground, and I was mainstream
I live the life now, that we would daydream
My only wish is you come enjoy it with me
Get on them conference calls, go meet the lawyers with me
The money came, yeah, tripled and quadrupled it
But I still miss us when we was just on some stupid shit
And it's still fuck the media
They ridiculed you, never believed in you

They just deaded you
Left you in all black
But dear old me....
Please call back

You told me you'd come when I needed you
And you said it so sweetly I believed you
But I'm standing here calling I can't see you
But I am holding you, holding you, holding you to that

ere We go
Welcome to my Funeral
Without you
I don't even have a pulse
All alone it's dark and cold
With every move I die

Here I go this is my confessional
A lost cause nobody can save my soul
I am so delusional
With every move I die

I have destroyed our love its gone
Payback is sick its all my fault

Who I am is not who I wanna be
I'm such a tragedy
With every move I die

I have destroyed our love its gone
Payback is sick its all my fault

This is it
And now you're really gone
this time
Never once thought
I'd be in pieces left behind

Im dancing with tears in my eyes
Just fighting to get through the night
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
I'm faded I'm broken inside
I've wasted the love of my life
I'm Losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die

not ment to be loved....

It all goes back to the first kiss
It was the one I thought I'd never miss
Maybe we were one of the lucky ones
Maybe I'm just not quite strong enough

This was supposed to be the easy part
But breaking down is what I found hard
Now I'm wearing this smile that I don't believe in
Inside I feel like screaming


I'm bruised and scarred
Save me from this broken heart
All my love will slowly fade and fall apart
Someone please sing this lovesick melody
Call my name if you're afraid
I'm just a kiss away

I'll be OK, is that what you want me to say?
Cause it's broken
And you were just about to tell me
How you meant that you were sorry
And the nights we've spent
Have really meant the world to you
Let's not pretend I'm keeping track on every note
On every page the day she wrote
The cherry flavored kisses
Well, I taste them
Do you miss it?

I'll be OK
Is that what you want me to say?
It's called Breakup
Cause it's broken


I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you (I had in you)

Too late, I'm sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words, so sing along for me, baby

This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

im notright for anyone....

Everybody hurts
Everybody bleeds
Everybody bends to fill a need
Everybody's born with their own curse
And I'm not alone

Everybody cries
Everybody breaths
Everybody wants to feel they're free
Deep inside I know what I am worth
A life of my own

Everybody pains
Everybody grieves
Everybody's making off like thieves
Every soul's aching for release
You're not alone

Everybody lives
Everybody leaves
Everybody begs best on their knees
Everybody's got the same disease
No one's alone

It could have been much worse
But it should have been better

I know I'd hurt you, deserted you
And now I see it clear
I pulled you closer, tighter
'Cause I knew you'd disappear

I just can't compromise, apologize
There's nothing you can say
We both knew
It would always end this way

We both know
It'd always end this way


i fucked up...im sry....

sincerly...Phantasma..

by five finger death punch

I come overQuarter past twoLove in my eyesBlinded by youJust to get a taste of heavenI'm on my kneesI can't help itI'm addictedBut I can't stand thePain inflictedIn the morningYou're not holding on to meTell me what's the point of doing this every nightWhat you're giving meIs nothing but a heartIt's a lullabyGonna kill my dreams, ohThis is the last timeBaby make up your mindWe were on fireNow we're frozenThere's no desireNothing spokenYou're just playingI keep waiting for your heart(I keep waiting for you)I am fiending for the sunshineTo show our love in a good lightGive me reasonI am pleading to the stars(Tell me)Tell me what's the point of doing this every nightWhat you're giving meIs nothing but a heartIt's a lullabyGonna kill my dreams, ohThis is the last timeBaby make up your mind...I'm your one and only, only when you're lonelyBaby why you callin me?Not another one nightTry'na be your whole lifeI can't keep sleeping in your bedIf you keep messing with my headBefore I slip under your sheetsCan you give me something, please?I can't keeping touching you like this if its just temporary bliss..... this person knows who they are.

Who are you? You’re looking like a strangerYou were once my love and my saviorNow I’m left with nothing but your makeupOn my pillowAnd I can’t sleep, the pills they never helpedTried counting sheep, still hurts like hellI can’t believe this rose has lost its redAnd its petals..Where’d you go?You said you’ll never leave meAll alone, my heart is barely beatingLike a ghost you haunt me every day that you’re goneI’m not the sameNow something went missingThere’s a cage, it feels like a prisonHere, I’ll stay until you come back home (home)Who put that rock in your chest, won’t you tell me?If I said I wished you the best, I was lyingWaking up just brings me down (down)Cause every morning you are nowhere to be found (nowhere to be found)And my bed is half empty not half fullI’d rather live with broken bonesThen lay here all on my own like a lovesick foolAm I a lovesick fool?Or am I giving up?

Honestly I just don't know...

By the cab

Who are you? You’re looking like a strangerYou were once my love and my saviorNow I’m left with nothing but your makeupOn my pillowAnd I can’t sleep, the pills they never helpedTried counting sheep, still hurts like hellI can’t believe this rose has lost its redAnd its petals..Where’d you go?You said you’ll never leave meAll alone, my heart is barely beatingLike a ghost you haunt me every day that you’re goneI’m not the sameNow something went missingThere’s a cage, it feels like a prisonHere, I’ll stay until you come back home (home)Who put that rock in your chest, won’t you tell me?If I said I wished you the best, I was lyingWaking up just brings me down (down)Cause every morning you are nowhere to be found (nowhere to be found)And my bed is half empty not half fullI’d rather live with broken bonesThen lay here all on my own like a lovesick foolAm I a lovesick fool?Or am I giving up?

Honestly I just don't know...

By the cab

sighs..* lately i have been talking and hanging out with a few select ppl that i care for and honestly i don't think they feel the same but thats life you have ppl you can tust an ppl that screw you over in the long run and can hurt you bad. well im honestly sick and tired of having my heart strings played with. i tired of hurting and being a fucking play toy for anyone!!if i show somone affection they always find a way to shove it back in my face like im the one that fucked up..making me seem like the ass hole well no more my heart is getting closed only 2 maybe 3 ppl wil ever know how i truly am anymore..

Well I'm waiting to be borded on my first flight and I'm tired as hell better get my sleep on the plane cause I got a layover thats gonna last me 6hrs lol

Well I'm waiting to be borded on my first flight and I'm tired as hell better get my sleep on the plane cause I got a layover thats gonna last me 6hrs lol

I need to know
That somehow forever is real
And we can grow through whatever we feel
We could be like rose petals, Olympic gold medals
Or pretend we're kids and run through like every field
See, it gets much deeper than we think
Cause sometimes, you don't just fall
It gets much deeper, and you sink
And you're immersed in it's love, so nothing else seems to matter
Though there's wholeness in the moment
It's nothing for things to shatter
So, can we break it down to a science
If love is chemistry, then you and I could be it's ions
If love is mostly strength, then you and I could be the iron
And we carry the weight 'til it hurts
Do anything to make this shit work
Cause love won't always be easy
I just promise my all when you need it
And you'd be on time when I need you
And we'd vow to always be see through cause
There's no progress without some digression
And love is boring without some aggression
I need to know that somehow our destiny matters
And that you'll keep my heart intact if the rest of me shatters
And that the things that we endure, we'll effectively master
Baby, this is food for thought off of destiny's platter
See, it takes some pain to make it work
Although diversion could occur, it takes some rock to make it Earth
I need to know that I'm safe within your grasp
And if ever I'm off, that you would race to keep me on track
Cause I would crack the clouds open just to show you heaven
And lift you up when you get down just to show you leverage
And if you've never felt love, I'll make it tangible
And show you how to do it right, I could be the manual
I just believe that you and I are supposed to be together
Baby, put your hands up and we can reach forever
Yeah, supposed to be together
Put your fucking hands up and we can reach forever
I need to know that it's possible to love you
Like they do it in movies, baby
I need to know that it's possible to feel you
Like you're never ever moving
I, I, I see, so I believe in you
Cause I love the way you do me
I, I, I see, so I believe in you
Hey, baby, we can make it, make it right

((Angel Haze))

sighs softly and curls up* sry if im being a little overly emotional..i just can't close the flood gates of my heart...i hope you undertsand

this is for a special someone in my life..


You are an oceans breeze, I am a title wave
You every paragraph, I'm just the tittle page
You have the heart I hold exactly where you desire it
It's all so effortless, like what you did to acquire it
Each time I find it harder just to keep my composure
I'm tryina show you all of me like indecent exposure
Look, I'll be the gun
You be my holster
I need your love, I need you closer
Seems like forever when only an hour past
We fallin' slower then grains of salt in an hour glass
Emotions runnin' wild
You are who tames them
My only means for tranquility, you my sanctum
And if I could I'd take your eyes and make them blend in with the stars
So whenever we ain't together I'll see still them from afar
But that's insane
I'll do whatever just to feel you
Even all of that don't come close to what I will do
They say love hole the power to
Fulfill you, heal you, kill you, hurt and abuse you
Take away from what you use to
I'm tryina paint a picture, like a canvas plain
To try to put together words like a scrabble game

I said I wouldn't stop until I said what I needed to right? alright let's go

Look, I poured my heart out in an effort just to win you
And I defy my actions solely so they won't offend you
I mean I would wrestle time, even if it get re-winded
Everything you lookin' for, in me is where you find it
So you can stop your searchin' baby
I know you hurtin' baby
Your self-esteem so low sometimes that you feel worthless baby
Okay, you hide it well
But you know I can tell
I see right threw that bullshit that you be tryina sell
So let it drop, let it fall
Let it blow with the wind
I told you once, I told you twice and I'm a tell you once again
That I'll be here, yeah said I'll be here
And, if love is blind, then my mental clear
And all we have is time
And good intentions
Fuck you brake, fuck your suspensions
Put your foot up on that gas
And drive 'till you don't see your past
I said drive 'till your vision blurs
And let my voice tell our story
Spoken word

Fuck let them hate we where they never was
And fuckin' Shakespeare couldn't of wrote a better love
But people tell me that I'm trippin, I say you different
And when they ask me how, I can't provide a description, you don't need one
I would disconnect them all, like a broken joint
Just to prove I only see you like a focal point
I know that the distances, may cause complications
But you make me feel good, fucked up, exonerated
Still I wonder what you like beneath the shackles that you wearin'
I've been longin' to release you from a load that's overbearin'
Tell me, are you protected by your guard boo?
Or could I blow and make it fall like cards do
And I ain't interested 'till it involves you
You got your doors locked and I just saw through
You reached the height of loneliness, cause we all do
But everything that goes up gotta fall to

I always fall for your type, yeah, for your type
Tell me why I always fall for your type, for your type

by:Angel haze

i love you more than i should show and i miss you..you know who you are...i love you

I'm honestly sic and tired of fake ass friends if your going to be my friend talk to me if not your ass is getting deleted. Cause I ain't got the time for you. Same thing for masters and pets

When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
I would just flap my fucking arms and try to meet with the sky
And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with god
And then I'd chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind
So I'mma take you fuckers back and through the vortex of time
When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy here
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid
And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
He took me to the basement and after the lights had been cut
He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his cock through my gut

See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind
And then it happened like it happened millions of times
And I would swear that I would tell but they would think that I was lyin'
And now the power that he held was like a beacon of mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit
But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend what he do
And they hate it up, shit I was like a buffet for two

And then it happened in a home where every fucking one knew
And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you, but even you, by then wouldn't know what to do

And now it happened so often that he was getting particular
And I'm more scared every time -- my speed and ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs
He told me: "Hey --, I see you like them popsicle sticks so put your mouth on my deck and fucking swallow the spit"
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
I had no the effect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear
Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt
Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through your guts

I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these niggas
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push they teeth through they liver
Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn its leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart

Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men
But that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of my sin
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was
So I'd create the other people I would try to become
Sexuality came into play and with as scared as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, fucked up my bodily health
I didn't wanna be attracted to nobody else
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I know

My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root
I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown
I'm fucking great can't fucking hate you nigga look at me now

Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground
Just be strong and just move on and just accept what I can
Because it makes your story better when you read at the end

Yeah, there's a story behind every single scar that I show
I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before
I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet

im holding a raffle for one lucky fur to be in a pic with me

heres the rules.

1.link your ref or note me the discription if you dont have one
2.pimp my jurnal
3.no fighting
4.good luck

i will be deciding a winner in about a week from now so you have time gentalmen^^

and an fyi the winner that i select will not have to pay im paying for it 100% so good luck^^

the one holiday that represents joy,peace and love how can it be depressing? well for one since my mother moved away and hasn't been here.. it feels like there is a gaping peice thats missing i woke up just like every christmas and saw all the decorations and all the presants and it made me smile its after all the most jpyes holiday of the year.My nephew and neice were the first to open there presants and they were extreamly happy and we all laughed and smiled of course like always it was just another mask i was wearing cause i didn't want to upset them or ruin there christmas with my sad face. but honestly it just dosn't feel like christmas with out my mother . its her favorite holiday of the year and im celebrating it without her here.. and like i said before a huge part is missing and i miss her im honestly depressed on christmas when i shouldn't bebut with out her here it dosn't feel like chistmas. i honestly just ant this day to be over so i can forget about all of this..so i'll probably just go to bed and sleep the day away i honestly can't deal with this right now... i hope you all have a wonderful christmas and that your all with your families and happy. smile once for me cause god knows without my mom here i can't....

i love alot of ppl and i have a that i care especialy deeply but i will not name them i don't want people to pester them.. anyway.. the person that i care up most for he is mated..and i do love him and he has show that he would like to be with me but.. i keep seeing different in actions,pics and comments.. idk i just think he loves me as a husky and not more..ill probably get an ear full for this but i honestly don't care i'm tired of not being heard..there was a point him and his mate grew apart and he told me he wanted to be with me ... sighs idk i'm just throwing everything i know out at this point.. i do love him deeply and i'm just tired of being drug along.. i guess i just want more..*sighs* i just want my heart to be taken care of not just polished every other few days..im just wanting to be held and cared for.. not saying that he dosn't he dose..and i love him dearly.. i just... idk anymore.. any advice...

how do you know if you truly love someone? they say love is blind and thoughtless that insted of useing your mind your heart becomes your mind it lets your emotions over flow for that one special person that you have a strong connection to. Even when you lose that person weather it be from a break up or a death you will still love that person weather you would like to admit it r not.Every relationship that we are in teaches us not just about the person we love but it teaches us alot about ourselves.we learn what we like to do with our significant other what we like to do on our own but if the relationship ends in a break up its not easy,weather we like to admit it or not with break ups both parties involved are hurt and it can take alot of time for them to recover before they are ready to move on but they need to take everything bad that happened in that relationship and learn from it so they dont make mistakes again. so they don't hurt they one they are with.. sometime it takes a few tries but we all end up learning eventually.my question is what is a furr to do when alot of their relationships end with their mates cheating on them. they can learn from it but what if it happenes again and again.. with the number of time that their heart has been broken they tend to get jealious and paranoid very easly and they start making their lives hell by over thinking things but it dosn't stop there they tend to do stalker like things like constantly cheaking their mate's facebook or status msg of their mates msger and if it seems like flirting or like they are talkinng about someone else they jump to conclusions and start throwing blame at their partner. but.. what happens to the pets that have pushed their boundries and fallen for their master that's mated..they love them to the point they try and break their master from their mate or they try to claim their life in an attempt to have the master all to them self.. i know how it feels to be like that i'm not claiming to be perfect or to know what some people go through on a daily basis.. but i'm not innocent.. i have blood on my hands.. i was mated once and i had a pet that went to the extent of threatening suicide.. i told him flat out i was mated and its not going to happen but that i did love him very much.. later that night his sister called me on the phone screaming at me in teas cause her brother had taken his life.. sadly i thought it was just another trick but when i went to school they had a memorial service for him.. it hurt and i was shocked of what some people will do for the love of another.. that they would go that far .... its sucks and i know the world is full of kids and young adults like that.. i have even been into the world of cutting and i know how it is.. i know what cutting dose and how it effects you psycologicly.. to alot its a way to escape pain.. to others is to punish themselves for what ever reason they thing they need to do it for, weather its failing school or dissapointing a family member. or to escape the ridicule of other students.. they think it helps but in the long run it dosn't you either stop and hate yourself and feel disgusted for it later or it ends in suicide..and honestly i hate myself for it..and balimiah is bad if not worse.. i mean again i have nbeen down this road myself and it dosnt help.. you throw up cause your to fat.. the kids or people pick on you for your weight.. or you diet and nothing works so you resort to it.. it sucks .. yeah you lose the weight but you end up rotting your teeth out and destroying your throat.. i know the world is rough but resorting to these things for love,reliefe, or approvle of others.. its just not worth it.. no one said life was easy and i know people have gone through worse then me im not claiming to have the most terrible life.. i just thought i would share my life experiances and hopefully somone that reads this and is going through the same will seek help or stop.. i just don't want others to suffer the way that i have...

sighs* lately i have just been feeling neglected by some close friends and a select few that are verry close to me on here.. i just feel like thgey dont care anymopre.. anyone can say they still care and then just ignore me for days on end playing games or something but i have maybe 2 ppl on fa that i can always rely on and they know who they are. im just so sick of being oushed to the side and not saying anything . well that time is gone i wont name any names cause im not an ass but they know who they are and i just want to say ignoring me just makes me feel low or unwanted and it hurts alot when they used to talk to me all the time now they are too wrapped up in there damn games or other friends!!
they used to hold me high and i just feel like they dont care as much as they used too. they will probably read this and just straight up delete me and iv'e been expecting it.. just be truthfull with me and tell me your too busy for me but you make plenty of time for others.a small rp hear and there fells like they are giving me a taste of how they used to treat and love me. but that feels like the past and im never going to get that back.. well ive said what i needed to say.. they probably wont understand me and i don't expect them too but if you wanna talk to me just add my skype...

im holding a raffle for one lucky male fur to be in a pic with me. sry ladies

heres the rules.

1.link your ref or note me the discription if you dont have one
2.pimp my jurnal
3.no fighting
4.good luck

i will be deciding a winner in about a week from now so you have time gentalmen^^

and an fyi the winner that i select will not have to pay im paying for it 100% so good luck^^