I asked this on DeviantArt a few months ago and received scant response: I need to get into the habit of drawing new things again. Give me ideas for something to draw, perhaps involving one of my characters.

So I don't think I've really mentioned this before, but this year I've switched to making art digitally, and as such my art has improved considerably. I have like two dozen completed pieces that I could all post right now if I chose to. The reason I haven't posted any of it is because I'm trying to coordinate my art and my fanfiction into something of a shared universe. That part's taking a while, but I've been dying to post some new art, because perhaps then I can open commissions, something I've also been wanting to do for a while.


What I think I'm gonna do is post a few over the next few days to test the waters. To the like five people who still actively follow me, I'd love to see what you think. I'll also finally get to aligning the art and info in each of the websites I'm on (which will probably have to include deleting/storing some stuff).

I'll try to keep this short so as to minimize any melodrama or sappiness.


So I haven't been very actively posting anything on art websites in a while, and I have good reasons for that. Firstly, I'm pretty unstable, and a good bit of that had been further worsened by some things from this site. I'll elaborate on that in a separate journal.


Secondly (and more prominently), for a long time I've been unsatisfied with the quality of my art. I have lots of little quibbles, but in short, I feel that most of my content is either too short, too unpolished, or some combination of the two. Also, I'm really inconsistent, and my galleries across all the art and writing websites I'm on are unorganized. It's something of an unspoken rule that higher-quality artists are not inclined to respect or think highly of lower-quality artists. I want other artists to respect me. I want what I do to have a positive impact.


I've been grappling with myself over what I should do about this, and I think I have it figured out, for the most part. Here are the steps I'm planning on (I'll add more as I think of them):


- Cleaning up my galleries, which may include removing or privating some things. Believe me, this is the part that's gonna kill me the most. It's just that a lot of my content isn't quite up to standard. Don't worry, I won't remove the really popular ones.


- Going through the comments on my page and replying to the interesting ones.


- Updating my profile info.


- Seeing how many old friends I can reconnect with.


- Improving my art and writing enough to where I can start taking commissions. This is something I've been eyeing for a while, but it's really hard to gauge objectively.


- Posting this update on all the art sites I'm on (besides wattpad because I don't think it has any sort of journal function). I'm still trying to decide if I want to do this on sites that I haven't touched in years, like weasyl and sofurry.



I intend to have all of this at least in-progress by or on New Year's Day. After that is when I actually start working on a new stream of content; the "beta phase", if you will. I'll probably continue to post smaller updates as they happen. If you have any questions, you can note me or something. There's this YouTube video that I posted a few days ago, as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbvKZr9gjmQ


(btw, bonus points if you get the reference in the title.)

finally got around to posting on weasyl and inkbunny today. i posted my drawings first because that's sort of how i did it here, and i don't want people to think i'm so proud of them, as if they're as good as the other artwork there. also i didn't want to put any of my stuff about sparkfrost up there yet, because i want to make a story about her first. i'll continue posting there tomorrow. but i might put it off until tuesday because tomorrow is halloween and people might think it's somehow related to that.
just thought it'd be good to mention this here :) here are my profiles:
www.weasyl.com/~cremep0ps
inkbunny.net/cremep0pz

i have a lot of poems that i have up on dA, but i don't post them here because i assume people would dislike them for not being furry-related. i'll just ask instead. should i post my poems here? would they be accepted as non-furry?

I always do these journals when I have stuff I'm planning to do. I've been a bit more motivated to be productive, so I'm gonna try to relish by doing art. I haven't done any readings on soundcloud lately so maybe I'll do a few of those. Also I think I'll start writing more poems and stories again. I want to make references for my OCs Chloe and Carrie so you guys can know their backstory. You've never seen me go into their whole story, but there is one and I've been planning it out since their first story. So I'll see if I can post that soon. Hopefully it'll make them more interesting. I'm planning to do some more weight gain, regression, inflation, and other stories soon. I want to include other OCs in them this time, so I'm looking around for characters to include in stories. It doesn't have to be fetishy though. I'm trying to get better at drawing, too. It's one of those things where I love to do it but I'm horrible at it. I'd totally do art requests, but again, I'm horrible at it. Maybe I can just draw stuff based off of my stories. I do some things in Photoshop and Illustrator, but it's nothing like my scanned drawings. I'll see if I can get some of those up.
Unrelatedly, I think I'm finally getting a handle on my depression and anxiety and stuff. Don't want to jinx it though. I'm still really anxious in crowds, and It's still hard to socialise normally. But I'm making an effort because of my dream to be a voice actor. I'm just trying to make people happy and be happy and stuff.
Lol let me just end this journal now so I don't put too many feels. If I actually go through with my story plans, things will be good :)

It's really close to thanksgiving and I'm still trying to get more stories posted. I'm really trying to write as much as possible. However, there's a really serious problem going on in my life right now. It's uncomfortable to talk about here though. I'll just say that it's probably going to take a huge emotional toll on me, so it may slow down my writing even more. I really do apologise and I will try to write as much as possible. I may decide to take a break though. And if you absolutely must know what's going on, just note me or Skype me or something.

On the bright side, my birthday is in a short while, and I'm pretty excited for that :) if I'm not too emotionally held back ill do something special for it.

It's really close to thanksgiving and I'm still trying to get more stories posted. I'm really trying to write as much as possible. However, there's a really serious problem going on in my life right now. It's uncomfortable to talk about here though. I'll just say that it's probably going to take a huge emotional toll on me, so it may slow down my writing even more. I really do apologise and I will try to write as much as possible. I may decide to take a break though. And if you absolutely must know what's going on, just note me or Skype me or something.

On the bright side, my birthday is in a short while, and I'm pretty excited for that :) if I'm not too emotionally held back ill do something special for it.

so I've just been doing really horribly lately. life has become so unbearable. it used to be like i would be depressed and anxious for some of the day and it would maybe go away, and at least i had some will to live. but now i'm just depressed and anxious and suicidal all throughout the day and it doesn't really go away. it makes doing anything so hard. whenever i try to do any sort of work, i get anxiety and i hate it. that's why i haven't been posting art or anything lately, because i keep having anxiety attacks. it fucking sucks and all i want to do is be happy and succeed.
i would much rather be dead right now, really. that's all i can think of, how much i want to die. but apparently "too many people care about me", so i'm stuck living like this. i just hope there's a fucking point of having to go through all of this.

so today i finally got discharged from that mental hospital. i spent 12 days in there. oh my fucking god, shit got so real when i was in there. it was fucking crazy. i am uncomfortable talking about it in a journal, so if you want to know anything about what happened in there, please note me and i will answer.

so, how much did you miss me? did anything big happen? any birthdays i missed? what happened on april fool's day?
also while i was in there i got really into poetry. i think i will post those over on my second account, sweetracym on dA. i like them but they don't really fit with this account. i want to focus on original stuff more i think.

im just soooooooooooooooooo exited to be back!:D

Well, I'm finally in the process of attempting suicide. I don't feel like typing out all the shit like I did on dA so just read the journal there:
http://cremep0ps.deviantart.com/jou.....time-442664652

We'll see if I survive this attempt. If I don't, then goodbye <3

Some thoughts n stuff

So this journal might be confusing and a little incoherent but I just need to say some things. Two things, I think.

Well, I haven't posted any new stories in like a month or so, just a drawing or two. The reason for that is I'm still very depressed and I'm very unmotivated. And I'm still deeply thinking about suicide. Believe me, I am trying to stay strong for you guys, for the people who care, but I'm just not sure anymore. So I think I'll hold back a little bit on posting new stuff until I can…figure things out. I might try to finish the requests I have in place first though. To everyone that has a request in place from me, I'm very sorry it's taking a long time. I promise I'm trying to work on it.

If I don't end up actually commiting suicide, then I will write and draw when I'm in a good mood. But, there's also something I'm worried about with my stories. All but a few of my stories have been under the theme of fetishes, you might say. Now, I don't have a problem with that at all, and I'm sure none of you do either. But i want to do more. if I were to also start posting some "normal" stories and stuff, would that be okay? Like would any of you mind at all? I don't think you would but I just want to make sure.

So yeah all of that is under the circumstance that I won't commit suicide. I'm still thinking about it. I've been thinking about it every single day all the time lately. If I do it then I might just have somebody else make a journal about it.
Lets just wait, we'll see how things go.

Ive been less active lately I think. It is because I had a decision to make.
My depression, and all of the stuff that goes on in my life, has finally become too much for me. I pretty much have no energy to live anymore. And so I'm planning to attempt suicide, sometime this week. I want to do it tonight, but I have a few requests that I need to do first. After I do that, and maybe a few other things, then I will try to commit suicide.
It really kills me to say that…I don't want to do it but I have to. If I somehow survive then I will do the stuff that I said I would do. But other than that, I'm sorry I have to do this :(

i haven't posted in a couple weeks because i didn't have access to a computer. i was still able to post on dA, so most of my new stuff is there. ive written alot of stories. i'll post them here all in succession in a couple of minutes. i also have some diaper pics there, but i dont think that's allowed here.
also, im planning to write a fanfiction I think the stories that I usually write count as short fanfics, but I'm thinking about writing a full-length one. I could do it if I put in enough effort. I'm still thinking of the plot. It might be a crossover. I'm not in that many fandoms, so I don't know what series I'd use. should i do it? i think i will once i come up with an idea.

i keep hearing about alot of people leaving FA and something about admins and stuff. it doesn't make sense based on what i've seen. what's even happening? should i be concerned at all?

like 3 maybe. it will allow me to sorta make a storyline with them and i can start making comics. they're probably gonna be pokemon.

If you want me to do a request for you send me a note.
I would totally do art trades but I'm not good enough at drawing yet.

i just got it yesterday and i literally started playing it like 15 minutes ago. i heard about all the cool features it has and its amazing! i can tell im going to have a lot of fun!
ill put my friend code up here later probably.

I know what species he's gonna be but i just need to decide the things like his name or his overall personality. when i figure all that stuff out and draw him, i could even post it tomorrow, if not a couple of days :)

i just realized that i created this account on february 26 2012. my first artwork post was on february 26, 2013. that's really radical to me, i just realized that today. wow. never thought it would take me this long to post.

I'm extremely nervous when it comes to posting art and stuff online. I'm kinda afraid nobody's gonna want to look at my art, and if they do they'll say its terrible and mock me. every single other artist I've seen on here is so much better than me, so people will hate my artwork. but i never know until i try, so i still don't know if i could post drawings or stories here. just don't think I'm a stalker or anything.