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Almost Died
Posted 6 years agoI rarely do any of these journals, and I don't talk much about myself or my life on here. I've also slowed down a bit on the art, too. I'm gonna get back into the swing of things... So here's a random update--
A week ago, I was having trouble breathing. It was slowly getting worse, it only took about 4 days until I could barely make it from my car to the house (after just walking 3 miles two weeks ago on a Saturday, that's the crazy part). I knew it was time to go, so I had my sister bring me to the ER. I thought it could have been pneumonia, which was what my sister had in January. But nope. Tests results were received and it wasn't good. I got transferred to a different hospital that could actually do the procedure, and my life was saved.
I just got back from the hospital yesterday morning, after being in for a solid 5 days. I had a pulmonary embolism, which is a blood clot in the lungs. According to all the doctors who saw me, it was a MASSIVE one, too. If I waited any longer to go to the ER, I'd have probably been day. I'm using this as an opportunity to change. I started a low sodium diet, I've been eating far fewer portions of food, and I'm actually feeling happy right now. Who would have thought, a man who was just in the hospital less than 48 hours ago would be singing and dancing? ... (Kind of-ish...)
The procedure to clear the clot from my lung was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I endured it for seven hours, no painkillers. They basically shoved these tubes into the side of my neck, that was routed through the right side of the heart and into the lungs. They broke up the clots with ultrasound, basically, and the rest was taken care of with blood thinners, I believe? I got a venus doppler right after and I DO have blood clots in my left leg, but I don't know how that's going to get dealt with, or what's happening with it. But for now, I feel pretty good.
I'm going to try my best to become more healthy, and lose some of this weight. Change my DIET, that's one of the most important things that I really need right now.
A week ago, I was having trouble breathing. It was slowly getting worse, it only took about 4 days until I could barely make it from my car to the house (after just walking 3 miles two weeks ago on a Saturday, that's the crazy part). I knew it was time to go, so I had my sister bring me to the ER. I thought it could have been pneumonia, which was what my sister had in January. But nope. Tests results were received and it wasn't good. I got transferred to a different hospital that could actually do the procedure, and my life was saved.
I just got back from the hospital yesterday morning, after being in for a solid 5 days. I had a pulmonary embolism, which is a blood clot in the lungs. According to all the doctors who saw me, it was a MASSIVE one, too. If I waited any longer to go to the ER, I'd have probably been day. I'm using this as an opportunity to change. I started a low sodium diet, I've been eating far fewer portions of food, and I'm actually feeling happy right now. Who would have thought, a man who was just in the hospital less than 48 hours ago would be singing and dancing? ... (Kind of-ish...)
The procedure to clear the clot from my lung was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I endured it for seven hours, no painkillers. They basically shoved these tubes into the side of my neck, that was routed through the right side of the heart and into the lungs. They broke up the clots with ultrasound, basically, and the rest was taken care of with blood thinners, I believe? I got a venus doppler right after and I DO have blood clots in my left leg, but I don't know how that's going to get dealt with, or what's happening with it. But for now, I feel pretty good.
I'm going to try my best to become more healthy, and lose some of this weight. Change my DIET, that's one of the most important things that I really need right now.
Going through old music uploaded here
Posted 10 years agoHoly shit, I have a lot of things that I wouldn't be able to write nowadays. There's been a BIG shift in how my mind works since I first started writing music, and to where I'm at now.
A Quarter of a Century
Posted 12 years agoIt's hard to believe it's my 25th birthday. I feel like I've accomplished nothing in the quarter-century that I've been alive. How do you cope with feeling like you've done nothing of value with your life?
New Years Resolutions
Posted 12 years agoGoodnight and happy new years! But first, I feel like this was mandatory before I fell asleep, thinking of how things would be if I was with a certain somebody. :U
Sure, it might seem like a dumb thing to people, but I'm going to RESOLVE to RESOLUTE these RESOLUTIONS
1. Lose weight. I'm sick of being a fat ass. I'm on the right track as it is, not having soda since June, not having french fries.
2. Make my body healthy. I'm talking regular exercise. I was doing it right for 2 weeks and then it just kind of stopped unintentionally. I wanted to get back into it but then I started working 3 jobs and couldn't keep up with it. I didn't gain any of the 25 pounds I lost back after that (I did from the hurricane though) but it's the only real way I can advance.
3. Be more social. It's a real problem for me right now, being social. I see people online, it's just hard to start conversations with people for me. Even the new people I recently added to Skype, it's just. I'm afraid to talk to them. That will change.
4. Write new music and perform live more. This one is self explanatory. I haven't been doing much with my own music. I want to write an ALBUM or something. My current submissions are just. So far apart. Sure, I did a bunch of awesome song covers like Mockingbirds with
FireBrand99 but I'm kind of lacking on my own original songs Most are either incomplete, written late at night and make no sense, or they're just something I end up hating and end up discontinuing them It's happened too many times. That's gotta change.
5. To not find a significant other. Hey, I can most likely and easily go through with this one. And if I don't-- I have a significant other! :J
Sure, it might seem like a dumb thing to people, but I'm going to RESOLVE to RESOLUTE these RESOLUTIONS
1. Lose weight. I'm sick of being a fat ass. I'm on the right track as it is, not having soda since June, not having french fries.
2. Make my body healthy. I'm talking regular exercise. I was doing it right for 2 weeks and then it just kind of stopped unintentionally. I wanted to get back into it but then I started working 3 jobs and couldn't keep up with it. I didn't gain any of the 25 pounds I lost back after that (I did from the hurricane though) but it's the only real way I can advance.
3. Be more social. It's a real problem for me right now, being social. I see people online, it's just hard to start conversations with people for me. Even the new people I recently added to Skype, it's just. I'm afraid to talk to them. That will change.
4. Write new music and perform live more. This one is self explanatory. I haven't been doing much with my own music. I want to write an ALBUM or something. My current submissions are just. So far apart. Sure, I did a bunch of awesome song covers like Mockingbirds with
FireBrand99 but I'm kind of lacking on my own original songs Most are either incomplete, written late at night and make no sense, or they're just something I end up hating and end up discontinuing them It's happened too many times. That's gotta change.5. To not find a significant other. Hey, I can most likely and easily go through with this one. And if I don't-- I have a significant other! :J
Questions meme thing
Posted 12 years agoStolen from 
VulcanTigress because why the fuck not, right? :V
1. What is your name?
Brian. It's not interesting at all, but it's my name so I'm stuck with it...
2. Do you know why you were named that?
I don't know, but it must have been for a reason, right? Everything happens for a reason.
3. Are you single or taken?
I'm as single as the day is long, and I'm fine with it. :J
4. Have any abilities or powers?
I can play guitar, dude.
5. Stop being a Mary-sue!
I don't know, maaaan.
6. What's your eye color?
Brown.
7. How about hair color?
Brown. Matches my eyes perfectly. :J
8. Have you any family-members?
I have 3 brothers and a sister. I'm the middle child, but whatever, it's cool dude.
9. Oh? How about pets?
I've got 3 birds.
10. That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.
Harsh grating sounds harsh my mellow, man.
11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?
I'm all about the arts. I like to draw, play guitar, write music, sing. I'm better at some things then others, but it's okay. There's always room to improve. I don't see a point to trying to improve if it's gonna happen all natural-like anyway though.
12. Have you ever hurt anyone in anyway before?
Not to my knowledge, my friend.
13. Ever... killed anyone before?
Killing is cruel, man. Nope.
14. What kind of animal are you?
I'm a bear, if you can't tell by my razor sharp claws, or like. My bear body, man.
15. Name your worst habits?
I save everything I'm working on to my desktop and it makes it hard to navigate the countless files I have sitting on there. Also I tend to only half-write songs and then end up recording guitar and vocals and then never finish them because I put enough work into them. I did that with like 3 that are in the pipelines that I may never release... also drinking coffee / frappuccino's :V
16. Do you look up to anyone at all?
There are a few musicians out there I draw from, some namely being Mark Lanegan, Uli Roth and Nick Pollock.
17. are you Gay, Straight, or Bisexual?
Bi, if you put it that way. Love's love is the way I figure it, right?
18. Do you go to school?
Graduated high school 5 years ago. Haven't been able to afford college or get a grant quite yet. Gotta wait until I'm 25. :I
19. Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?
Sure. I'd be glad to settle down and raise a family. If there were 2 things I could pick out of 3 things I want in life (either love, family, or money), they'd be love and family.
20. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?
Not to my knowledge... Unless there are people who really love my music. They'd like. Totally be weird.
21. What are you most afraid of?
There are a lot, but my biggest one is dying alone, or the possibility of dying in general.
22. What do you usually wear?
A plain t-shirt, worn out blue jeans, an oversized flannel jacket, and really worn out sneakers. They keep me warm and it's what I like on these frigid days, man.
23. What's one food that tempts you?
There's too many of 'em and I don't consider frappe's from McDonald's a food, but. Frappe's from McDonald's. I stopped drinking soda and I stopped eating french fries, but frappe's, I can't do without. :V
24: Am I annoying you?
Not in the least.
25. Well, it's still not over!
Cool story, man.
26. What class are you? (low class, middle class, high class)?
Low class. Minimum wage job factory that wears away my bear hands... Fun times.
27. How many friends do you have?
I'm close with my brother and sister, but I've got a few people I talk to regularly.
28. What are your thoughts on pie?
Depends. If it's pumpkin or apple, I am in love with it. Otherwise, I don't care... :V
30. Favorite drink?
Frappe's from McDonald's. :V
31. What's your favorite place?
The park. I go for walks regularly at the park, working on losing weight, feeding the deer, and getting a bit in touch with nature, man.
32. Are you interested in anyone~?
Yup.
33. If you're a girl, what's your cup size? If you're a guy, how big are you?
I'll leave that up to your imagination.
34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?
I'm not much of a swimmer and I'm afraid of rip-currents. I don't prefer either, but if I had to pick, it'd be lake.
35. What's your type?
... of what
36. Any fetishes?
Yup yup. Anyone who hasn't got a fetish is just a liar.
37. Seme or uke
Uke. I'm more like a laid back, non controlling person and I'd rather live life like that. Relatively care free and relaxed, much like right now.
38. Camping or indoors?
As much as I enjoy being outside, only recently have I appreciated heating. When the hurricane knocked the power out for a week, I realized it would be like 30-40F inside. I had to sleep with multiple blankets so I wouldn't freeze when I was trying to go to bed.
VulcanTigress because why the fuck not, right? :V1. What is your name?
Brian. It's not interesting at all, but it's my name so I'm stuck with it...
2. Do you know why you were named that?
I don't know, but it must have been for a reason, right? Everything happens for a reason.
3. Are you single or taken?
I'm as single as the day is long, and I'm fine with it. :J
4. Have any abilities or powers?
I can play guitar, dude.
5. Stop being a Mary-sue!
I don't know, maaaan.
6. What's your eye color?
Brown.
7. How about hair color?
Brown. Matches my eyes perfectly. :J
8. Have you any family-members?
I have 3 brothers and a sister. I'm the middle child, but whatever, it's cool dude.
9. Oh? How about pets?
I've got 3 birds.
10. That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.
Harsh grating sounds harsh my mellow, man.
11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?
I'm all about the arts. I like to draw, play guitar, write music, sing. I'm better at some things then others, but it's okay. There's always room to improve. I don't see a point to trying to improve if it's gonna happen all natural-like anyway though.
12. Have you ever hurt anyone in anyway before?
Not to my knowledge, my friend.
13. Ever... killed anyone before?
Killing is cruel, man. Nope.
14. What kind of animal are you?
I'm a bear, if you can't tell by my razor sharp claws, or like. My bear body, man.
15. Name your worst habits?
I save everything I'm working on to my desktop and it makes it hard to navigate the countless files I have sitting on there. Also I tend to only half-write songs and then end up recording guitar and vocals and then never finish them because I put enough work into them. I did that with like 3 that are in the pipelines that I may never release... also drinking coffee / frappuccino's :V
16. Do you look up to anyone at all?
There are a few musicians out there I draw from, some namely being Mark Lanegan, Uli Roth and Nick Pollock.
17. are you Gay, Straight, or Bisexual?
Bi, if you put it that way. Love's love is the way I figure it, right?
18. Do you go to school?
Graduated high school 5 years ago. Haven't been able to afford college or get a grant quite yet. Gotta wait until I'm 25. :I
19. Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?
Sure. I'd be glad to settle down and raise a family. If there were 2 things I could pick out of 3 things I want in life (either love, family, or money), they'd be love and family.
20. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?
Not to my knowledge... Unless there are people who really love my music. They'd like. Totally be weird.
21. What are you most afraid of?
There are a lot, but my biggest one is dying alone, or the possibility of dying in general.
22. What do you usually wear?
A plain t-shirt, worn out blue jeans, an oversized flannel jacket, and really worn out sneakers. They keep me warm and it's what I like on these frigid days, man.
23. What's one food that tempts you?
There's too many of 'em and I don't consider frappe's from McDonald's a food, but. Frappe's from McDonald's. I stopped drinking soda and I stopped eating french fries, but frappe's, I can't do without. :V
24: Am I annoying you?
Not in the least.
25. Well, it's still not over!
Cool story, man.
26. What class are you? (low class, middle class, high class)?
Low class. Minimum wage job factory that wears away my bear hands... Fun times.
27. How many friends do you have?
I'm close with my brother and sister, but I've got a few people I talk to regularly.
28. What are your thoughts on pie?
Depends. If it's pumpkin or apple, I am in love with it. Otherwise, I don't care... :V
30. Favorite drink?
Frappe's from McDonald's. :V
31. What's your favorite place?
The park. I go for walks regularly at the park, working on losing weight, feeding the deer, and getting a bit in touch with nature, man.
32. Are you interested in anyone~?
Yup.
33. If you're a girl, what's your cup size? If you're a guy, how big are you?
I'll leave that up to your imagination.
34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?
I'm not much of a swimmer and I'm afraid of rip-currents. I don't prefer either, but if I had to pick, it'd be lake.
35. What's your type?
... of what
36. Any fetishes?
Yup yup. Anyone who hasn't got a fetish is just a liar.
37. Seme or uke
Uke. I'm more like a laid back, non controlling person and I'd rather live life like that. Relatively care free and relaxed, much like right now.
38. Camping or indoors?
As much as I enjoy being outside, only recently have I appreciated heating. When the hurricane knocked the power out for a week, I realized it would be like 30-40F inside. I had to sleep with multiple blankets so I wouldn't freeze when I was trying to go to bed.
Bed room meme?
Posted 12 years agoGratuitously taken from 
willyt
Do you have the following in your bedroom?
Condoms:
No.
Cell phone:
Shhhh, it's sleeping... charging. :B
Book shelf:
Nope.
Couch:
Nah.
Futon:
Outside of my room...
Computer/laptop:
I've got a bunch of laptops I never fixed quite yet.
Pictures:
Pictures, posters, on the wall.
Mirror:
It's permanently damaged / rusted, but yep.
Skateboard:
Nope.
Bed:
A queen sized bed. :J
Smoke detector:
Yup.
Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums:
Nope. I keep everything near my PC. Guitars, keyboard and bass that is...
Blacklight:
What would I do with a blacklight? :I
Lava Lamp:
I wish.
CDs:
I do. They're in a shoe-box on my shelf.
Flag:
No.
Stop sign/any sign:
Nope.
Paintball gun:
Nah.
Real Gun:
What would I need a real gun for?
Cigarettes:
No.
Pot:
Nope.
Any drugs:
No but I have cough drops...
Alcohol:
Only rubbing alcohol.
Books:
I've got a few...
ps2:
Yup.
Xbox:
360? Yep. I've got 2 broken ones that I need to dispose of, a 360 slim that needs a laser replacement, and a new 360 slim I bought on a whim on black Friday.
Gamecube:
Actually, yeah. I was playing it for a while and I was having a fun time with Super Mario Sunshine. Then I got a 360 that I hardly really play.
Stereo:
Nah. Got rid of it.
Gum:
If I do, it's years old and in a box with Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
How many windows do you have in ur room:
2
What is the color of your walls?
Beige?
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
Both...
What's on your walls?
Video game posters,
Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
Yup.
Has the opposite sex been on your bed?
To play video games.
Has the opposite sex slept in your bed?
No. ;________;
Ever had sex in your bed?
Nope. ;______;
Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
My stuffed alligator, if that counts. :V
Do you like your bedroom:
I'd like it if the ceiling was taller. I have to hunch over to stand in my room.
willytDo you have the following in your bedroom?
Condoms:
No.
Cell phone:
Shhhh, it's sleeping... charging. :B
Book shelf:
Nope.
Couch:
Nah.
Futon:
Outside of my room...
Computer/laptop:
I've got a bunch of laptops I never fixed quite yet.
Pictures:
Pictures, posters, on the wall.
Mirror:
It's permanently damaged / rusted, but yep.
Skateboard:
Nope.
Bed:
A queen sized bed. :J
Smoke detector:
Yup.
Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums:
Nope. I keep everything near my PC. Guitars, keyboard and bass that is...
Blacklight:
What would I do with a blacklight? :I
Lava Lamp:
I wish.
CDs:
I do. They're in a shoe-box on my shelf.
Flag:
No.
Stop sign/any sign:
Nope.
Paintball gun:
Nah.
Real Gun:
What would I need a real gun for?
Cigarettes:
No.
Pot:
Nope.
Any drugs:
No but I have cough drops...
Alcohol:
Only rubbing alcohol.
Books:
I've got a few...
ps2:
Yup.
Xbox:
360? Yep. I've got 2 broken ones that I need to dispose of, a 360 slim that needs a laser replacement, and a new 360 slim I bought on a whim on black Friday.
Gamecube:
Actually, yeah. I was playing it for a while and I was having a fun time with Super Mario Sunshine. Then I got a 360 that I hardly really play.
Stereo:
Nah. Got rid of it.
Gum:
If I do, it's years old and in a box with Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
How many windows do you have in ur room:
2
What is the color of your walls?
Beige?
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
Both...
What's on your walls?
Video game posters,
Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
Yup.
Has the opposite sex been on your bed?
To play video games.
Has the opposite sex slept in your bed?
No. ;________;
Ever had sex in your bed?
Nope. ;______;
Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
My stuffed alligator, if that counts. :V
Do you like your bedroom:
I'd like it if the ceiling was taller. I have to hunch over to stand in my room.
Haven't updated my profile thingy in a while.
Posted 12 years agoSo I gave that a bit of a look at. Nothing's really changed but it felt good updating old information. :J
Been Really Busy
Posted 13 years agoWith all 3 of my jobs and all the work I've been doing lately, I'm just constantly tired right now. Heck, it's 1:10am at the time of writing this and I'm ready to pass out. I have to be at work at 7am and I don't even know why I'm writing this since I only have a few friends here (half of which might not even read this :U)
I guess it's more or less my way of telling you I'm still around, just not really here or haven't been able to get near a computer for days at a time.
Thanks for reading if you bothered to. :V
I guess it's more or less my way of telling you I'm still around, just not really here or haven't been able to get near a computer for days at a time.
Thanks for reading if you bothered to. :V
My email's been compromised.
Posted 13 years agoI lost all my contacts and everything, so if you wanna add me on MSN or anything, I put up my new email on my page.
I turned 23 yesterday.
Posted 14 years agoMy birthday, Nov 18. Had a pretty good day, and I hope to have plenty more.
