So a little update on whats been going on
I want to do some art but it's been difficult to lately
Last Friday my mother passed away
And it's been tough
I'm in a transition period that I've been dreading for a long time
Now she went peacefully and painless and had major heart problems so we knew it was coming we just didn't realize how soon
She was loved by many and was a kind and wonderful woman

Although I have been doing a bit better it's still very difficult for me all I've ever known was life with her and have never lived alone and it feels like I'm alone
I do have friends and family that are helping and I thank them but it is still difficult of course
I hope to do more art as soon as I can it's just difficult right now

I'm a man I identify as male but I don't always feel "manly" I mean I don't believe in that big strong alpha man crap but there are things that confuse me or conflict with what society says a man should be
And although I don't go along with all the societal norms
Some things I just can't shake

Im not the strongest I'm not weak either but I am scared and having a woman around a friend or family member with me helps my anxiety I tend to stay with them if we go out and I tend to open up easier to women I just feel safer with women but there is that part that feels like I'm backwards like I'm pathetic for feeling that way and as a "man" I should make them feel safe

I feel like I need to be taking care of like I can't do much and I want a woman to take care of me which makes me feel selfish and a burden like I just want to take advantage of them but I know I don't I really can't do much I need help

Even my body seems a bit off
I like comfort soft and cuddly I like smelling nice and feeling cute and clean I love that feeling of snuggling with a stuffed animal in bed after a shower all warm and soft if I could loose weight I would love to but I would like to have it mostly move so I have a nice soft butt and hips and thighs I mean most "men" would want a bigger penis I don't want a bigger one I like mine I like that it's smaller and I don't want it to be any bigger it makes me feel cute part of me is actually afraid that if I loose weight it will get bigger
I know a lot of times a penis is seen as a sign of power or manliness and some men talk about it like it's a third leg big and strong like a symbol of power
But mine doesn't mine feels vulnerable small and soft
Something special

I like pretty things nice smells and cute dresses and
Plushies I like purple and pink I want to feel pretty and cute I want a woman to hold me and make me feel safe and not afraid
I know I'm a man I like being a man but I don't like having to be all the other things I'm "supposed" to be because I identify as male

I can't work and I need help there's no way around that I feel like a kid or teenager sometimes not like an adult
Just a big kid faking his way through being a adult male
Physically sure my body makes noise when I get up but mentally I feel like a scared child who needs to be held

I hope that all made some sense
I'm still learning about myself

So yeah I have done quite a few draw-overs and now I'm starting to do some self portraits which all happen to be nude
What can I say I like nudes and I myself although I like some fashion don't really like to wear clothes
Soooo....yeah...

Anywho the reasons for this journal is just to inform people following me why I do them I know I don't really need to give any reason it's my art
But Im gonna anyway
Why
Because I can

Basically I have never really liked the way I look and I have trouble loosing weight I try and I really want to but it's difficult for me
But since doing these self portrait and draw-overs I have become more accepting of my body I still want to lose weight but I'm more ok with my appearance

I mean yeah I do have a small exhibition streak but being naked feels freeing to me it feels natural
It feels like the real me and these self portraits have helped me with accepting myself and my body

And if you follow me you know I like to be body positive I see beauty in the human form in general
In all shapes and sizes and that includes chubby guys with smaller members

Also to those of you who have commented on my self portraits thank you it has made me feel good about myself I like comments on my art in general but those have put a smile on my face

And that's pretty much it
And Thank you for listening to the ramblings of a silly naked artist
😊

This is just a random journal on some of my thoughts on NSFW art mostly mine

Doing NSFW art has helped me really come out of my shell hell it even helped me come out in general
I never had a problem with nudity growing up
But I never thought it would be what I draw the most
For me the nude form is beautiful and natural it makes me feel more free more open

And although I have a few kinks involving casual nudity it isn't in it's self sexual
Now there of course can be a sexual side to nudity and that's great like I said I enjoy quite a few nude scenarios like CFNM ENM ENF SPH and other abbreviations along those lines

It has helped me open up aot and accept my sexuality and sexual side as well as become more comfortable with my body

At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to do art that someone might masturbate to but now well now if someone masturbates to my art I find it flattering I like the idea that my art made someone feel good
Before I wouldn't want to know but now I kinda do I kinda want to hear if someone masturbated to my art

Before I started doing NSFW stuff I would have never done a draw over of myself but even though I'm still not satisfied with my appearance I am more comfortable with it

Nudity to me is more about freedom openness being vulnerable and accepting myself as I am not being afraid or ashamed by our bodies but celebrating them
And even if I do a lot of kink stuff I do it more as a celebration

I enjoy SPH but I'm more about humor and less humiliation more SPA (small penis appreciation)
Which is another part of body acceptance and love of the nude form I could go more into the whole penis size and society thing but i won't right now maybe I'll make a journal about it some other time

Anywho point is NSFW art has helped me get in touch with parts of myself that I wasn't accepting or was unaware of it even helped me become better at art even though it has become difficult lately

Anywho again thanks for listening to the somewhat random thoughts of a artist with major ADHD

Feel free to comment even though it can be tough for me to respond I appreciate it and I do try to reply back

So I have not been in the best place mentally lately and due to this making art has been difficult for me

I have been trying more "vent" art as it can help and has helped in the past however drawing an emotion a feeling I don't quite understand can result in things that are a bit well scary
And very personal
Part of my want to post them as part of art is emotion and although I definitely do not agree with the old "all art should be uncomfortable" concept art can convey things that are difficult to describe.

The other part worries it's will give nothing positive and only bring negativity
It could help others to see a feeling they might have or be rather triggering and a reminder of a feeling that can be very scary however that is also part of it's reason and purpose to let that feeling be know so that others may understand it as well

It is a conundrum I guess do I or don't I

In the end it is my work and is personal and that is part of it's reason for being and why I should probably post them anyway

I guess I don't want to be seen as some pretentious artsy fartsy type

Or perhaps it just scares me to see it

Oh well

Anywho
Thanks for listening to the ramblings of a confused artist at four in the morning
And hopefully I can get back to doing art more easily again soon

Hello again
So I have been planning a lot of art prices to do and am starting to reach a point where I need to
Slow down to avoid burnout
This however dosent mean I wont be doing Art oh no In fact I might be doing more...
Yeah I know it dosent make sense so let me explain

I have ADHD and keeping on task can be very very very Difficult but at the same time Art, Creating in general is
something that sooths me and Something that I enjoy so to solve this and still to what I love I am going to
slow down on doing requests and planning big pieces for a while and start doing more Black and White sketches with simple shading
Its quicker so my ADHD can handle it and Then I can get to somethings I want to do like comics
So If I said I was going to make something Please be patient I might not be able to do it for a while
but hopefully I can get to it eventually

Anywho hope you enjoy the most likely many sketches coming and hopefully comics...FINALLY...

Hello Everyone.
So I looked at that little "Stats" section on my page and noticed it says "0" Journals.
Now I know this is mostly due to me not really having a reason too before.
But with it being a new year and me getting Older by the minute.

I have decided that I should make an attempt to have more of a pressence online.
Not because I crave attantion or want to be famous in fact I am rather content with not being well known.
I have always been one who prefers Quality of friends over quantity.
Not that there is anything wrong with being popular and well known.
In fact I follow many people and artists online who have helped me greatly in
ways they will most likely never know.
It's just that for some reason in my "old age" I have become more "shy" in a way
and even more awkward.

Well time to fix that!

Well a bit... fix it a bit.
One small step at a time right?

Anywho...
I am writing this to say that I will be making a effort to be more Social online and well in general.
So I ask please forgive me ahead of time if i do not respond to you or say something awkward.
I is trying 😁
but after years of either avoiding situations that require a lot of socialization.
Some of my Scoalization skills are a bit lacking.
And it can be rather dificult for me to respond at times.

I am Defently an Introvert
But Introverts like to socalize too
we just need to do it in small chunks.