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This morning, before I even woke up all the way, I had this crazy-strong feeling of anxiety. I was dizzy and nauseous. It went away after about 30 minutes, but now, later in the evening, I'm feeling the same anxiety again and literally everything I think about is making me feel anxious (why???). I have no clue what's wrong with me, but I need to get homework done and thinking about that is making me think about the test we have tomorrow and that alone is about to make me puke. More than anything, I just want this feeling gone. I don't know how to get rid of it and I don't know what's causing it. Fuck.

Gonna be gone for a few months or so, gotta get some stuff done. I'll return eventually, with like 10k messages heheh.

I've certainly taken a new liking to Adam Young's music - finding all the instrumentals I can and all the unreleased stuff of his that nobody really knows about (look up Adam Young Boise).

Dude's really talented. His whole Ocean Eyes album is self-produced, meaning that he composed all the music, arranged all the synths, did all the little clicks and beeps you hear (those 'clicks' are amazing and I'll tell you why in a sec). I've heavily adapted a lot of his style into my own music, and yet every time I listen to a track of his, I'm blown away by the detail.

Detail. Those 'clicks', or hi-hats as they're technically called, are goddamn amazing. It's a shit-ton of detail that nobody really knows about because the majority of people don't really have an ear for those details. What Adam does is he loads like ten of these hi-hat sounds and plays them with varying volume (technically called velocity), varying panning (left or right), and in differing sequences. When I focus on the hi-hat track in an instrumental of his Ocean Eyes songs, I'm astounded by how much work went into them.

Adam Young is incredibly talented, whether you like him or not. He's served as a huge inspiration for a lot of my music, and perhaps someday, if I'm lucky enough, I'll get to meet him, and if the stars of fortune are shining upon me, maybe I'll get some insight on how he produces.

I had an awesome time at Emerald City ComiCon with my little brothers! So much awesomeness there! I saw blotch there and got a signed copy of Nordguard: Across Thin Ice that I really want to read, but I'm currently just trying to get settled back on the internet that I was totally without for both Saturday and Sunday.

I have the studio multitrack for Fireflies by Owl City, and a multitrack is basically a separate recording of each instrument used in a song. So, with Fireflies, I have the Kick track, the Snare track, the Hi-hat track, Bass track, Lead track (which is a bunch of various instruments combined, like strings, pianos, lead synths, and guitars) Vocal track, and a miscellaneous track that has a bunch of other random stuff combined. So, with this studio multitrack, I can create multiple variations of the song. The track without drums or vocals is very interesting and less energetic, but smoother than the original version, and the whole song without the guitar makes a really smooth chorus. Fun stuff!

There's a song I've been working on for a while, and everyone that listens to it is telling me it sounds super professional and awesome, which is really really good feedback to hear. If anyone wants to hear it, I'll update the journal with a link to the track.

Fun weekend!

I recently purchased Windows 8 and installed it on my machine. I thought I made a backup of some old data that I've archived, but it turns out that something got seriously fucked up and I lost maybe 18-19 gigs of personal info - music, documents, music projects, videos (I manage an indie dubstep producer's Youtube page, and lost all the videos AND custom artwork I did for each song), graphic design projects, lotsa shit that I can't get back. I even lost an avatar that I made a long time ago that I thought I might use here. Found the original source .pdn file :D. I can't fucking believe that I lost all of that shit.

Edit: Turns out I had a couple copies of some files, so it's not a 100% loss.

I find it really hard to sleep feeling this sad. At this point, I'm only trying to distract myself on the Internet, because if I were to lay down in bed to try to sleep, I'd end up crying my eyes out.

I lost my dog five days ago, my best friend of about nine years or so. The person who got her for us was ultimately the one who had to euthanize her. She had a very very painful condition called Spondylosis, which is basically a really bad form of arthritis where spurs grow on the vertebra and, if the condition is severe like it was in this case, it can cause pressure on the nerve tissue in the spinal column and cause great pain.

This is sorta confusing, but I'm not sad that she died, only that she's not here with us now. That she's not poking her head under the armrest of my chair trying to get my attention. I'm really glad that she's not hurting any more. She was in a lot of pain, and seeing her hurt like that was almost as bad as losing her.

I'm working on joining the Army right now. If everything goes as expected, then I'll be going to Basic Training in four or five months. So, perhaps it was good that my dog passed when she did, because otherwise she'd be home alone all day, and that's not something I'd be okay with at all. Just more suffering for her to go through.

When I would be alone like I am now, my dog would always be there for me to pet and love on. The past few days have created a really bad cycle. I can't sleep because I'm sad because Sophie's gone, so therefore I stay up later trying to distract myself from the pain of having lost someone so close to me. But staying up later leaves me alone longer. Nobody's up to talk with this late at night.

Oh well. I'll move on eventually.

Even though I'm sure that nobody will read this, I still apologize for a sad read, and also if it doesn't make any sense.