I hate it. I didn't sleep last night and I didn't sleep tonight. I managed to get a hour nap after dinner but it wasn't good sleep, kinda like that stress sleep where you wake up sweating even though you have a giant fan and air conditioning going. No sleep medication under the sun works on me. At best they just make me drowsy and no energy but not enough to put me out. Honestly, the only thing that really works is getting buzzed/drunk (and I'm a light wieght too so that just takes like two beers and a shot) but I'm not gonna become an alcoholic in order to sleep regularly. I just hate the feeling of being so tired when I'm not laying down but as soon as my head hits the pillow I feel like I could run a marathon. I go through insomnia spells like this. I prob won't be able to sleep tomorrow night either. I prob will manage to pass out at 7 am Thursday morning and then sleep for 12 plus hours. I also hate how I effect others around me when I'm going through these spells. I'm just so grouchy and can't make decisions in this state. I pace and stare at things not doing anything, sometimes up to a hour. It's even worse when I'm sleeping with the bf. I'll toss and turn, get up and leave to keep my mind off of things, get back in bed to toss and turn and eventually get up again. He's always worrying about me but all I can do is tell him that I'll be ok. This is how it has always been, I just wanted to make a journal to save my sanity.

Ok so some shit happened last night when I was coming home from work and I wanted to share.

So I was walking home from work (as I normally do), it was about 12:30 at night and I am about half way home. I come up to this mini-mall's parking lot and its dead quiet, no cars, no wind, nothing. All of a sudden a guy starts walking out of the parking lot onto the sidewalk directly towards me. This guy was wearing tank top and was skinnier than piece of paper, he was walking right at me making eye contact and hes holding something. At this moment I am keeping calm, but in my mind I go into full panic mode like "This is where I get fucking stabbed and mugged to all shit, I am so fucked.".

He walks right up to me and extends his hand to give me something and he says "Here man, the Lord told me to give you this." and I look and its a fucking handful of dead flowers. Now I am like WTF???? I take the flowers that he hands me and I just kinda give him a nod, he then says "You have a blessed day."(its 30 mins after midnight remember) and I respond with "Have a good night."

He then starts sprinting in the opposite direction that I was going and starts making Drill Sargent sounds. I just take a deep breath and keep on walking with the stupid dead flowers in my hand. I get to the closest garbage can and I toss them in, I look behind me and he is long gone thank god. For rest of the walk I am so paranoid. Every little sound even if its a fucking leaf crunching, I am just like "Oh my shit thats the sound of my death."

I get to a gas station that is like a half a block to my place to get a bottle of apple juice just to calm myself down. I bring it up to the counter and pay for it. I start making small talk with the cashier of how the graveyard shift sucks (I used to have to do the graveyard shift at a gas station I used to work at). And he just starts ranting at how this job is no different from slavery. And then he goes on about this hippie/communistic rant about how if it was up to him, he could solve the worlds problems if everyone did their part we wouldn't need a government or an economy. At this point I am just like, I want to go home. So I just nod my head and agree with him and I just leave with my juice in hand.

Meth heads nowadays I swear.

So I thought I wouldn't ever do a journal but something hilarious and one of the most awkward moments happened to me at work yesterday.

A little back story, I work in a bar for a gambling booth in a fairly small farm town.

Shortly after midnight I was closing up for the night, the bar had emptied and it was just the bartender and I. Her and I were joking about how slow the day was and making small talk (well, small talk while yelling across the empty bar). All of a sudden one of the customers that was there earlier came in (still somewhat tipsy) looking for her phone. So I tell her that we haven't seen one and then I asked her if the ringer was on and that we could just call it. She said yes and came over right next to me as I pulled out my phone.

So she starts reading off her number to me as I typed it into my phone. Once she was done I kinda look at the number quizzically to relize that it was missing a number, I point it out t her. She takes a minute in her mildly drunken state to read it to herself and then she casually says "Oh, that's my social security number."

I go wide eyed like a deer in headlights. My mild social anxiety kicks in and and I start apologizing as if it's my fault and pretend that I already forgotten the number while immediately deleting it off my phone. It finally clicks into her head what she did and then she awkwardly said that she'll just find it later and then leaves real quickly.

When she goes out the door, I turn to the bartender and we just both start laughing.