I was suppose to do work and actually be productive but to be honest, I just can't do it anymore. I don't mean work, I mean everything.

I go to uni, do work. Come home and get shouted at for stuff then go to bed, not even sleeping at times, only to repeat the cycle over again the following day. I have no job prospects, no independence, almost no one to sit down and talk with, no prospect of not being alone. I am struggling to deal with my sexuality and just my life in general. I have become highly depressed and its all caught up with me.

I just don't see the point in trying any more. My life is shit, I am worthless and there just is no point to it any more at all.

This is not much of an apology but it is the reason that I have submitted nothing for so long. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't even think its worth living it now.

Is there a reason for it?

So a few people have added me on Skype recently and I am wondering if anyone else would be up for some RP.

I don't normally do this but I am curious as to who would actually be up for it. Noting too serious, just fun and games with our 'sonas.

I only have one rule, you have to be 18+, contents could be a little on the adult side.

So, who would be interested?

Every been in the mood to just punch someone?
No-one in particular, just the first person to even slightly annoy you?

I am currently in this sort of mood because it feels like everyone around me is acting like they are better me in some way.

Time to get my mental sledgehammer and go out to the big rock in my mind to relieve some stress and anger.

There is nothing more satisfying than shattering an imaginary rock. I suggest that anyone who reads this gives it a try.

Just imagine a huge rock in front of you. In your hand is a sledge hammer. Swing it at the rock, nothing happens. Each time you swing at the rock after this, put some of the stress and anger into the sledgehammer. Every time it makes contact with the rock it crack but in the process the stress/anger is destroyed. Keep going until there is no anger or stress left.

It might not help everyone but it helps me.

I know this is going to sound strange and I am not trying to troll in any way.
I would like the help and advice of those watching me with regards to dating and maybe even if there are any good websites that won't make me pay.
There is a good reason for this.
I am a 20 year old male who has been feeling extremely lonely lately. I have too much free time and I would like to have someone to spend that time with, a companion or maybe something more.
Now for the important part I suppose, a profile of sorts in case anyone out there is interested.
Height : 5'11"
Weight : ~220 lbs (about 16 stone)
Orientation : Bisexual
Eyes : Blue
Hair : Brown
Location : North Ireland
If anyone want more information, just ask in a comment.
Thanks for the help in advance everyone, this Wolf greatly appreciates it.

In other news, I started work on a new story that I will be uploading as soon as I can. I wont say too much about it except that there is some voyeurism, slight bondage, more than 2 characters and a few secrets that I will not divulge.

Just spent the last 30 minutes telling someone that I care for/love them. Feelings are not as strong back and I am now feeling a little... empty... if that is the right word.
We are still good friends, and to be honest, that is more than I had expected from this outcome.
He is still a great guy and I am glad we can still be friends.
Hopefully this may change in time but for some reason I don't see that happening any time soon. Then again, only time will tell on that front.
I am disappointed by this fact but at least we are being adult about this and not turning it into an argument.

In other news, I will not be continuing "A Hot Summer Experience". I am not happy with how the second part is turning out when I write/rewrite it. I will just move on to another story to tide me over between bouts of book writing.
If anyone has an idea for this new story just let me know. I am willing to try writing anything at the moment. Need a distraction.

So I have not got some character sheets for my 3 'sonas and I am wondering if I should make a journal entry with all the information on them. They are in text format so its easy for me to transfer them over but I am worried of about character theft because two of them are going to feature in my book.

What does everyone think of this?

I am in a very bad place at the moment. I have had to get away from my family for a few days to let things settle down. I just need time away.
At least I am not doing anything stupid and spending time with some friends. I don't think i should be left alone at the moment.

Please post something that will cheer me up. I need it at the moment.

I know in the previous journal I said that A Hot Summer Experience Part 2 would be up soon and that has not happened yet. There is a good reason for this surprisingly.
I decided to review what I had written and found that the story was fine but lacked the sense of excitement, suspense and flow of Part 1. This lead to me doing a restart on Part 2, which is coming along nicely now.
I suspect that very few people are going to be reading this but for anyone who has not read A Hot Summer Experience Part 1 please do so. Just be warned that it is an adult story and that it contains adult situations.
It is also my first attempt at an adult story with two male characters, having failed to create something believable in the past.

One quick question to those who do read this.
Anyone know how I could get a reference sheet for free?
I know its unlikely but unfortunately I have no means of paying anyone, no Paypal, no credit cards, no debit cards. I really should have something that allows me to buy things online but I have never had call to do so yet. Its something I will get round to eventually, maybe after the start of the next university semester in September.

*Wolfy Hugs anyone who reads this lengthy Journal*

-CyberneticHellfie out.

I have not updated in a while, so I thought its time to Give everyone some information.

Last things first, A Hot Summer Experience Part II is going well and should be finished within a week or so. My book is also progressing nicely, and I am now back on schedule with what I have been trying to do this month.

So now that is done, I have a question or two for everyone. Just put an answer in the comments. I want to get to know my watchers better.

How are you all doing? Is life treating you good? Anything you want me to try writing?

Also, if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask and I will answer if I can.

-CyberneticHellfire out.

I have been trying to deal with my sexuality for a number of years and have finally come to terms with the fact I am Bisecual.

Now the problem I need help with is figuring out how to tell my family.

Any and all advice is welcome at the moment but what I really need is help to decide the right time, how to break this news to them and which family member to tell first.

I know that I am asking much of people who don't know me and have no obligation to help, but please take some time to help a fellow Furry get through a difficult time.

Comments or notes are fine with me, its your decision on that.

Many thanks in advance,
-CyberneticHellfire Out.

I have submitted the first part of the series of stories that I will be working on over the next number of weeks. I would greatly appreciate all comments and feedback you can give me.

Stay tuned for the next installment!

Here is a link for ease of access : http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7869048/


Thanks for all the support,
-CyberneticHellfire out.

Its written now and has been reviewed by 3 out of the 4 people I asked. It should not take the 4th person long to read it so I should have it uploaded by Friday 27th of April.

I can't give away many details yet, just that its going to be a 2 part story.

Part 1 - Male/Male
Part 2 - Male/Male/Female

It does not have a title yet but I should have a good one by tomorrow night.

I hope that everyone enjoys reading it and all feedback is welcome.

Thanks in advance,

-CyberneticHellfire out.

You know that you have an overactive imagination when you start to enjoy the story you are writing too much...

Anyway, its moving along fine now and if all goes to plan I should have it ready within the next few days. I will then have to wait for several people to read it from my laptop before making some finishing touches and getting it uploaded.

Also, I should try to balance this a bit more with genders but what can I say, I like both males and females. To be honest, this is leaning towards being a Male/Male followed by a Male/Female story.

Hope this does not put anyone off reading my little Fiction...

As always, thanks for the continued support.

-CyberneticHellfire out.

EDIT : Should have this finished in a few hours then its going off for proof reading before upload. Stay tuned for more news!

I am taking a break from the book due to a bit of writers block. I am however working on a short adult fiction that MIGHT contain the character from the book. I am unsure if I will upload it but I have a few people who are going to read it and tell me if its any good. Depending on what they say, I might put it here. I hope you all will read it if upload it.

-CyberneticHellfire out

So I have been listening to Husky In Denial quite a bit over the last few days. Strangely, I have been enjoying the music and I am gonna have to buy the album if I can.

If you have not heard them, go to this link and have a listen : http://huskyindenial.bandcamp.com/

Hope you can enjoy this as much as me,

CyberneticHellfire out.

Most are unlikely to actually see this post but the need to be informed anyway.

I have been working on a book for the last few weeks and have just made a start on chapter 3. This places me at about 1/16th of the way to completion as I have about 8,000 words written with the intention to reach at least 50,000+ words.

I have so many ideas that I wish I could include but they don't fit the story even if they are awesome. For anyone who reads this, but does not know what the book is about, here is a brief description...

This is a story of a cyberneticaly augmented wolf from the future who is captured and sent to the past. He is lost in both time and space, forced to fight for his survival, discover his true origins, the reasons for his existence, and how to return to his time.
Along the journey he will face many challenges such as : dealing with life and death, day to day interactions in a superstitious realm, and the constant struggle against a new found enemy.
What will the outcome be? Only time will tell...

So if you like the sounds of that then watch this space, I will give regular updates and will be celebrating when I reach the following milestones:

10,000 words

25.000 words

50,000+ words

Thanks everyone for the support so far, CybeneticHellfire out.

I have feelings for someone I know and cant think of the best way to express them. I am asking everyone who reads this to please give me some advice.

When around this particular person I am content, but I am unsure if it is love or just that I enjoy their company. I do know however that I am attracted to this person. Even if the feeling is not mutual.

I hate being in this sort of dilemma especially when they know certain information about me that not many others know, but I do trust this person with said information.

If I do express my feelings, the worst that can happen is rejection however because of the friends I share with this person I doubt that I could avoid the awkwardness of certain situations.

I am going to stop here because I am starting to ramble. Again I am asking anyone who reads this for advice given the above information.

Thanks in advance, CyberneticHellfire

I should have listened to the advice given to me by a fellow artist. I have not drawn all weekend and can't seem to get any of my lines right at the moment. Proportions are all off, details don't look right, just managed to break my pencil... Having so much fun at the moment.

Anyway, on to something completely different. I have received some feedback on my book from a few friends, all of who have noted that I have a description pacing issue. In order to rectify this, I will be fleshing out some of the sections with more detailed descriptions and information. This will take a few days but I can live with that, especially if its caught early rather than late.

Wish me luck in this folks and I might upload an extract from chapter one for you all to read :D

CyberneticHellfire out.

EDIT: Also, I will be uploading an image of Hellfire sometime in the next few days. He is the main character in my book so you all should get a look at him.

EDIT 2: Finally got something drawn but I think it may be a one off of awesome for me. Will upload in the next few days