Before I write, let me be perfectly clear - I have no idea how many people are going to read this. I thank those that do, and I appreciate those that leave comments a great deal.

So a few things to catch people up on. I've migrated mostly to InkBunny at the moment. This is mostly due to what I feel is a far easier system for uploading and submitting than presently here on FA. I might, might mind you, still upload on FA every now and again but mostly my collective works are up on IB - viewer discretion advised.

Since my last journal was some time ago, I should state that after 10 years I finally won my battle with Social Security here in the United States. Granted, I had to go through an entire decade of life seeing doctors, caseworkers, lawyers, and advocates to finally understand what I'd been telling them all along. Currently I'm unable to really work in just about any field I've had training. Between several old, prolonged medical issues, and new ones that cropped up within the last 3 years or so I just can't function at all in the job world. Fuck, I can barely function at life at times.

Sometime in mid 2019 I was officially diagnosed with a condition known as pseudo-dementia. Roughly speaking that means I have a significantly impacted and impaired short-term memory. On the good days, I forget very little. On the worst of days, I could wind up driving around for 3 hours because I can't remember where it was I was supposed to be going, when I was only driving to the corner store 3 blocks away. [Side Note]: (For those that didn't know, I FINALLY got my driver's license for the first time ever in my life a couple of years ago. After 20 years of trying to get that ball in the goal, I finally nailed it. On the applied driving test, it took two tries but I got it done. I failed the parallel-parking part only on a technicality. Here in Washington you have to park 18 inches from the curb, no more, no less. Right at 18. I was 18.25 inches from the curb so they had to fail me on that.) Living with this impacted, damaged, and strained memory is actually my absolute worst nightmare. I can watch, in relative real-time, the decline of my memory. My somewhat reasonable fear is that I'll eventually pass into full dementia at some point and well, that'll be all she wrote. I'm working to try to curb it, but I'd rather not get any more into it than I already have.

I'm still married to my husband. As of December 16th, it'll be 15 years on the button. We've had our share of fights over the last 1.5 decades, but we're still together through good or bad times. He's been there for me in one way or another, and many times I'd be lost without him.

Speaking of him, recently his car he's been driving for the last several years threw a rod. Now, he's got to drive my car for work, and I'm pretty much stuck at home in my wheelchair all day long - except when I have doctor's appointments. Recently even that became a challenge. I hate to throw one of the most major hospitals in my area under the bus as it were, but fuck it I'm going to blast 'em for this.

I am seeing a new specialist for my diabetes. It sucks, trust me. I've had to have two minor surgeries over the last year about 6 months apart. I'm not thrilled about it. When one factors in that A: Due to being adopted in California in 1982 and therefore the records of my biological parents being sealed and inaccessible to me, all my life doctors get super pissy with me over the fact that they can't establish a family history, B: My diet has been essentially the same since I was 5, though now with significantly less sweets, and C: Dealing with incompetent medical professionals for years. I go to OHSU in Portland, Oregon to see this specialist. Due to said memory, I forgot I left my keys on the coat hook on the wall. Sometime between going to bed, and waking up the following afternoon, my keys were stolen. These were all my goddamn keys. My car, Randy's car keys, Adrian (my roommate's) spare key, the mailbox key for my apartment, my pool/rec-room key, some keys that while serve no current purpose I keep for sentimental reasons, and a wash of lanyards/keychains that also carry significant sentimental value to me. I got the run-around over the last several days, where the office staff said they had nothing to go on and I should call the hospital police (they have their own department). The Hospital's Police at first kept telling me it was the office's problem, not theirs. It took me having to LITERALLY apply GODDAMN LOGIC to these cops to get them to take the investigation seriously. Allow me to clarify:

1. Due to traffic being so terrible that day, I was late. I was the last patient to be seen. I was the second to last person out the door, with the doctor walking out with me and locking up.
2. During the exam/introductory/base-line establishment visit I was told regarding a standard disclaimer that the rooms are cleaned every morning, and in-between visits. So, this meant that my room I was seen in would've been cleaned before it opened for visitors.
3. Since the room had to be cleaned before anyone else could use it, that meant the first person or first people that would've had access to that room would've been the cleaning crew. Due to current CDC guidelines, they have to clean every surface and that includes the coat hanger. They would've seen the keys first.
4. Then the staff would've gone in to make sure housekeeping did their job, meaning only the staff on duty would've had the next access to the keys.
5. Finally, in the largest leap, that meant that anyone that was a patient in the room would've had access.

So, the police finally took my complaints seriously.

Other than all that above, I'm just dealing with my usual stuff I've been handling my entire life. I still run tabletop RPG's over discord, I still play video games, and I still have a wonderful imagination. I still have my dream of voice acting, and doing voice-over work for somebody but that'll have to happen if it happens.

Either way, if you read, thanks. If you commented, big time thanks.

Dear Journal and Readers,

As some of you may know I suffer from a crippling depression, anxiety, and recently short-term memory loss. It becomes difficult for me to remember details like names, conversations, or at times entire days. For example, I can know that I sat down and did tabletop RP with my roommate or husband, played video games, or even went out for food but the very next day I don't remember it. I know I did because I can see receipts or notice that my living room chair has its back facing the TV (a sign that I was storytelling) but not remember a thing. It has made my life incredibly difficult.

Further compounding my issues, as some of you know from reading my journal know I lost my facebook a while back. This has cut me off from communication with some of my oldest friends, and most extended family. Some people that I had only this year managed to reconnect with. I'm feeling the definite alienation and isolation as a result. While I don't have a desire to go back to facebook as it had become an almost consuming obsession of mine, the fact that I was cut-off from so many people I love and appreciate really hurts me. I understand that simply making yet another account on a new email is a solution to that problem but I have to look at this like a recovering addict. The cons of what facebook took from me far out way the cons. I just have to get over this withdrawal that I'm suffering.

Getting through each and every day is tough, and not easy. I wake up, feeling hopeless and crushing depression. I at times feel no reason to get out of bed. I feel no drive to do anything that I do. I simply do what I do because it's what I have been doing for years. I do what I do because if I just laid in bed all day I'd literally get nothing done and just waste away. I'm not even all that gravely upset at being consigned to a wheelchair, but my deteriorating health (despite my efforts to correct it) is weighing on me. Let me be clear - I'm not suicidal nor do I want to die - I just am not happy with life right now. I am seeing doctors (which I'm not happy with) to keep my health in check but considering I went so utterly long without any kind of health care and lived such an unhealthy life for so long it is difficult for me to pull myself out of this hole.

I have you guys. The people who read this, my friends, and my immediate family as my support network. Without them, and without you, I think I would have been swallowed by despair long ago. I just want anyone reading this to understand that this is something that I struggle with. Sometimes my depression can last weeks, months. This is just something that happens and often times while events can bring me down or I see something that disturbs me or even have something stressful happen to me that sets me back that this is a phenomenon that I just have to endure. All I ask from you all is that you don't ignore or give up on me no matter how bad I get. I will do my best not to become "full emo" on you all and drag you down with me, I am simply asking that sometimes you all be there to remind me of why I keep going.

All this being said, I'm working on another S.S. claim. Now that I'm in a wheelchair and suffering memory loss, I probably have the best case yet to be able to get on social security. I don't want to, but I realize there's virtually no job that I can have when I can't remember important details sometimes half an hour to an hour after I'm told them. I can't work fast food while in a wheelchair; what fast food place is going to allow a person in a wheelchair behind the counter? Wal-Mart has virtually phased out their door greeter program so I doubt that's an option. About the only thing I can do (possibly) for work is drive a fork-lift and with my memory issues I don't think that's going to be viable. Could you imagine someone saying I need to get X from section 2 and suddenly as I'm halfway there forget what it is I need to get? That would waste my time and theirs.

I could use all the luck I can get. Please cross your fingers for me.

Damion/Jack

I wrote a new story on So furry. It contains cub stuff, so if that's not your thing then don't worry about it. If you want to take a look, the link is right here. Browse at your own risk :D

https://inkbunny.net/s/1953122

Hey no long explanation needed. I'm not on FB anymore. Find me exclusively on Telegram, damionstjames

Just letting everyone know I'm still alive. I've updated my profile if anyone needs/wants to get a hold of me.

Its easiest to either add me on Facebook or Telegram these days, but all my contact info is right there if you need to get a hold of me

Short one, It's wierd. I post two pictures and not one comment? Wierd.

So any of you out there familiar with GIMP?

I need a simple tutorial on how to color in layers on gimp. I.E. Say I want to color in my character's leotard without worrying about going outside the lines? how would I do that?

Hey everybody, I wanted to do some fictional writing, but didn't feel like writing anything too long, so here's an excerpt from something I'm going to be working on. Note, this is *fiction* and in no way real. This is a little Sci-fi thing I've been playing over in my head and figured I'd see what you all thought.

* * *

Transmission recieved.
Unpacking...
Transmission unpacked.

Identifying sender...sender identified
From: Alyx-3144
Location: Unknown
Time: Unknown
Transmission Node: Encrypted.

Dearest Mother,

First off let me assure you that I am fine and that I am well. For my own safety I cannot tell you where I am, or even what system I'm in, all that I can do is tell you that I can survive on this planet without a suit.

I'm sure that you've been worried sick about me and for putting you through that worry I apologize. I don't know if saying I'm sorry can even begin to make amends for any hurt I might have caused you in that regard, but you and I both know that this was a long time coming.

By now I'm sure you've been made aware of my decision to defect. I don't know what the Confederation is making my defection out to be, in truth I really don't care. They probably are labeling me a traitor, deserter, or even a Gathering sympathizer. You know me well enough that I've never particularly cared about my reputation. Whatever the spin is at this time, I have my reasons and I'm going to explain them to you and only to you.

Where to begin though? Honestly Mother you're just as much the reason behind my defection as you are my reason to join the Confederation. That may come as a shock to you but it is the honest truth. If it weren't for you I'd have never left for the academy and if it wasn't for you I'd not have defected.

I suppose I'll start with the past. As you remember I was fascinated with alien species as a child. Their exotic nature is interesting to me. They drew me in. Children in the past used to be dazzled by the ancient life of the home-world, and now I have the opportunity to study entirely new worlds. There are aliens with multiple heads, multiple arms, and some that would even reproduce by sneezing. I was like a child in a candy store.

However you would not let me learn about them. You insisted I focus my studies on the Confederation and the military. You insisted I study our history and what it means to be human. Every bit of research I would do upon alien races you were always there with a firm hand to smack me down and remind me that being human is far more important than learning the history of some Alien race.

To a degree and only to a slight degree I could concur with you. It was important to remember what it meant to be human. It meant that without the intervention of the Gathering the human race would have died on the home world. They would have died a horrible death from the pollutants they put into the air and the wars they constantly set on one another. Focusing on our history helped me remember that if it wasn't for them we as a human race wouldn't realize how petty we really were.

When I came of age, I wanted to learn more about the alien races, without you sitting over my shoulder and constantly dictating what I could and could not learn. I decided to join the Confederation so I could see the systems and have the chance to get some culture in my life. In the most sad truth I did it to get away from you.

Then, I learned the truth about the confederation and it's goals, and why you support them so much. They are not truly a military organization of science, but one of conquest. They are on a quest to kill the golden goose that once saved their life in order to steal and take it's secrets all for themselves. That is deplorable.

Mother I might have been able to excuse that, but when I came to dinner that night, with the love of my life it was made all the more clear your position in the grand scheme of things. It was your unadulterated and unmitigated prejudices that made it evident that you had bought into the same propaganda my own comrades in the confederation were spouting out. You were not even willing to give the one I love a chance because you cant stand the fact the being I fell in love with is an alien.

How can I stay in both an organization and a family that desires to stifle everything that I am and that wishes to stand in the way of true love? How can I respect a military that is killing beings and destroying thousands of years of history in the name of writing our own? Well I'll tell you that quite frankly I cant, and don't think I didn't try.

I did try. I thought of family and the unity that humans have towards one another, but the fact that you are family isn't enough for me to stay. Your hatred, bigotry, and bile are poisonous and there is no environment suit that exists that can keep out those noxious substances. You made my love and I afraid for the first time in our lives and that is something no mother can ever put in a child.

That's why I'm in contact with the Gathering. They have long since learned to put their sad differences aside and work together to help one another out. They believe in things, and they still think about the consequences of their actions as it pertains to the cosmic center of our existence. They think about what it can do to everything they interact with just to exist, let alone interfere with it. Your greatest concern mother is if your actions or the Confederation's actions are legal - furthermore if those actions will net you or the rest of the Confederation a profit.

I'm not a commodity.

In time I hope that you can forgive me, as I forgive you. I forgive you for saying the things that you've said and doing the things that you've done. You are you, and you are going to do what you are going to do. I suppose I cannot realistically hold that against you. What I cannot forgive is for you to know that there is an alternative to what you do and what they do, and you -refuse- to accept it.

Until you can accept that what you're doing and what they're doing is wrong, then we can no longer communicate. I will accept your reply, and I eagerly await it.

I still love you relentlessly and wish nothing but happiness for you.

Your Son,

Alyx

Dear Readers,

So some of you might have heard of the Youtube based sensation Epic Rap Battles of History where several figures from fiction and history often square off in great and truly epic rap battles. To see their work, check them out @ https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Ive been inspired mostly because I've been feeling a significant lack of inspiration everywhere else to do some rap-battles of my own. These are going to pit some of my greatest characters I've ever created against one another in a rap-battle tournament and you readers are going to decide who wins and advances onto the next part round. The characters are going to stem from D&D, White Wolf, WWF(E) Created Wrestlers, Marvel Rp Universe, and of course the big guy himself Damion St. James.

In each battle I will explain a brief history of the characters involved so you're not coming into it blind, and please understand I'm not a professional lyricist or a rap mogul. This is a project I'm doing for fun so keep that in mind when you make your decisions.


Alright here are the tournament brackets so far and a mild idea of where they are from.

___

Nygell McQueen (Dual-Wielding Dragonslayer/Fighter from D&D)

VS

Gardeux Cardova (French Pistol-wielding Tremere Vampire from White Wolf)


___

Damion St. James (My fursona from multiple rp environments)

VS

Barbwire (Human Pro-wrestler used in the Create a Wrestler option from WWF[E] Video games since around 1999)

___

Wolf "Desert Storm" Wein (Meta-Human Super/Anti-hero from the Marvel Rp universe)

VS

John Ravencroft (Vampire Paranormal Detective and law enforcer from the White Wolf universe)

___

Payton Kayne (Red Dragon Paladin From D&D)

VS

Diamond eyes (Human Rogue from D&D)



I'm going to do my best to get one typed out every day, but I'll need you readers to read them and politely comment. The character with the most votes wins the battle and moves on to the next stage.

Hey I want to make sure all my friends are okay. I don't know who went but if you went and you're okay please send me a message that you are. If you're just finding out about this here's the article.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news.....-was-intentio/

Dear Readers/Journal

Hey! So yeah aside from yet more money problems I'm doing okay. But I wanted to take a moment to mention an observation I made today while getting my dinner as well as a few other ruminations.

First off, I notice that people definitely seem to have a major case of "Jump the Gun". For about a weak before and 2-3 weeks AFTER the 4th everyone and their dog is out blowing shit up. I understand it's been a tradition for a long time to blow up stuff on the 4th but do we really need to light off fireworks before and after it? Doesn't that take some of the fun out of it? Then again I'm sure it's the same over in the UK with Guy Fwakes night or something. It's just a pet peeve of mine to be sitting there...minding your own business then BOOM! Or you're playing the latest Call of Duty game and you start hearing explosions going off in real life so it confuses you and you misstep and die cause some run-and-gunner came around the corner and decided to serve you a nice healthy helping of your ass.

Secondly I love wishing my friends in the UK a happy 4th. To me this is both a nice gesture and a little bit of trolling. Most of the time I'm responded with a kind of passive aggressive confusion like "Um...I'm British...the hell??" I do it for that reason alone! I like getting people to just state the fact their English like I didn't already know. Part of me wants to even add "Are thou furious brethren?". Meh its a simple joy in life that really doesn't hurt anyone that I know of. Its a nice-little tee hee.

Three so there I am in a McDonald's (a restaurant with a Scottish name), wearing my Yomiuri Giants hat (a Japanese baseball team), while Queen was playing on the radio (an english rock band). It was epic!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB3BWIXsKdU

Im just celebrating the death of the Westboro Baptist Church's founder. After all his hate, bile, and venom being injected into our lives, I'm gladly dancing on your grave.

Spread the word and rejoice

Dear Readers/Journal,

I want to start out by thanking everyone that contributed to me to help Randalfin and I get married. Without your help we wouldn't have been able to make this weekend possible. I want to thank each and every one of you, and wish you all nothing but the best.

WOOT! MARRIED!

Dear Readers,

I hate to do this, really I do, but I desperately am going to be in need of finances. I don't like asking people for money but if any of you readers have it in you to bestow some money upon me It'd really help. My roommate who was the soul breadwinner in the house was recently fired from his job, and now I'm having to tap into my wedding funds I have saved up to help cover expenses.(edit 9-20) In addition our car is breaking down so now we're not even sure if we can make it without repairs/renting another car or purchasing tickets of some kind.

If you can, please send donations to yuri_sama[at]yahoo.com (Edit 9-21)

Or email me at Damionstjames[at]gmail.com for other payment methods

Note: My Pay-pal I formerly had listed apparently has gone fubar, this is the new address. Anything you guys can send would be great.

Dear readers/journal

This is a real simple post but a good friend of mine needs your help! Visit http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4668850/ for details if you all would!

Dear Journal/Readers,

I don't really have much to say this week, outside of my movie reviews. I'll get to that post after I finish with this one. Basically I'm working on getting my health insurance flowing and taking care of all that, and my sister's wedding is the weekend of the 18th. Got a Rainfurrest convention meeting after that, and all seems set to go. Anyone interested in working security for me at the Con, let me know!

Dear Journal/Readers,

IU have good news. I just as of a few minutes ago got my letter in the mail that as of May 1, 2013 I've been approved for State Medical! Finally I can go see a doctor, and get these pesky problems taken care of! I'm so excited!

Incidentally I'm still asking for anyone who can to donate to mine and Randy's Wedding fund!
Paypal: Damion.renee.morningstar[at]gmail.com thx!

So basically here's the deal. In order to keep my creative juices flowing, once a week every monday I'm going to update my journal andreview a random movie from my shelf or from among the many that I've had the chance to see. Please be gentle and understand these are my opinions and don't make them fact!

This Week's Review: The Day After Tomorrow

Premise:

Due to global warming and melting ice caps a catastrophic series of events unfolds which herald a potential threat to the world's climate. Character Jack Hall played by Dennis Quaid has the trouble of trying to convince everyone around him that the world is basically on the verge of a new ice age and the shit is about to hit the fan. Meanwhile his son, while a certifiable genius in his own right, is struggling in New York. Sam Hall, played by Jake Gyllenhall, was attending an academic competition with his buddies from school, while also trying to impress one of the females in his group Laura played by Emmy Chapman.

Plot:

The movie starts out with Jack and his two scientific partners studying the ice in Antarctica. While performing some routine drilling, a large portion of the ice that they are working on breaks free, prompting amazement and dread from the group. Jack goes to a summit in India to address this issue at a world-health-summit where he proposes the idea and presents the model of a catastrophic climate shift based off of an incident that happened 10,000 years before. The experts including the Vice President of the US scoff and laugh at him and point out that this scenario is likely never to happen in their lifetime and jack is more or less laughed out of the sequence. Shortly thereafter we find out that Jack is in a struggling relationship with his ex wife, and his son resents him somewhat. We find out that Sam is failing one of his classes for being too smart (IE also a smartass). Jack drives his son to the airport so he can go to an Academic Decathlon of sorts with other high-school students as part of a grand national competition. We get the chance to see part of this and the attraction Sam has for the character of Laura while he competes. Around the world in the UK, Doctor Terry Rapson (played by veteran Ian Holm) of the Headland's Center begins to make a terrible discovery at his monitoring station. He contacts Jack and informs him that he believes the doomsday scenario of a major climate shift is not only possible but it's happening right as they speak. Storms begin to grow all over the world, and this becomes even more evident when tornadoes touch down in downtown LA. LA is all but completely destroyed by these tornadoes, and the National Weather service scrambles to figure out what is going on.

For the first time in the movie it feels like people are starting to listen to Jack, but not completely. Meanwhile a massive series of storms are forming over 3 parts of the world: one in Canada, Scotland, and Siberia. The storms have very massive power behind them, and are rapidly cooling the world around them. Knowing the storm is dangerous the British Royal Family is evacuated, and is seen flying into what looks like the eye of a massive hurricane. The helicopters rescuing them suddenly freeze up and fall out of the sky, and everyone inside is frozen solid where they sat. Doctor Terry Rapson calls up Jack and informs him that the people froze due to an extremely rapid cooling of the air, past -150F. Jack runs his own models and discovers that these storms are pulling air from the highest part of the atmosphere down to the earth and not giving it a chance to heat up, and these storms are going to get big and bad in a matter of days.

In new york the storm has dropped several feet of rain on the city and flooding is beginning. Sam decides to leave the safety of his friend's ritzy apartment and make a break for the train stations to try to go after one of his friend's younger brothers. Upon seeing the rising water, and seeing everything happening around him, he decides to make a break for higher ground. The team of teenagers make their way to the not too far off central library of Manhattan. Soon a massive storm surge of water pulled in by the mega-storm sends a massive tidal-wave through the streets which forces the teens to make a fast paced escape, during which Laura scratches her leg on a bumper of a submerged car and bleeds into sewage infested water. The team manages to make it just in the nick of time as a good portion of the lower library is now under-water. Sam wishes to communicate with his father to find out what is going on, and he goes on a little swim to figure this out. Jack informs sam of the dangers of the storm and that it's going to get quite bad and advises him to stay indoors and burn anything he can to stay warm especially when the eye hits. Sam nearly drowns to obtain this information before eventually his phone is submerged and he has to swim out. The temperature drops rapidly in new york, the rain turning to snow, and even the storm surge waters freeze over. Once the waters freeze, several of the survivors decide to leave the Library against Sam's advice and trudge out into the snow and ice. Sam and the few remaining survivors climb into a large comfortable room with a massive fireplace and begin burning books to stay warm, much to the dismay of a couple of the survivors.

Jack now has to address the issue of the growing storms to the government yet again, and is brought before the joint chiefs and the President. He advises the government to evacuate all the states below a certain line he draws on a map of the US and suggests that all those above the line it's far too late for. After leaving the Vice President scoffs at this and is shot down by the rest of the table. The government begins to evacuate. Jack begins the long trek to New York to rescue his son, having to move over land since it's too cold and dangerous to get there by vehicle or fly.

Opinions:

PRO: The movie was plausible in the sense that many of the sequences I can see happening in this movie. The film's director and actors made you feel concern for the well-being of the characters involved and feel emotion for them. The animation sequences were good for their time, and the movie did a superb job at casting.

CON: Alright here's where I get to chomp my teeth into the "bits" of this movie and eviscerate them. First, despite the ever growing danger around everyone the movie runs fairly dry. It drags on in places and feels rushed in others, especially if you watch it on certain TV channels and not the legitimate movie release.

The film's first big mistake that bothers me is during the flooding sequence; the storm surge in New York is shown swelling up and practically over the Statue of Liberty. This is a massive wall of water carried by the force of this supposed super-storm. In the film Deep Impact the statue was ripped to pieces by the super-wave. Here the water just sort of splashes over it harmlessly. My issue here is while the statue IS metal, I'm of the opinion that with that much water moving around it especially since it's hollow the statue would have been at least ripped from it's mount and pulled under. Ive watched footage of the Tsunami's in Japan and seen massive walls of water tear stronger buildings/structures than that statue to bits.

My second beef with the film is during the sequence where Americans are fleeing to Mexico to escape the storm. A news reporter shows people lined up at the Mexican border and being denied entry by the Mexican military. In the next scene a group of people use cutters to cut a length of chain-link fence and masses of people are crossing the Rio Grande into Mexico. The reporter even goes on to comment "In a dramatic reversal of illegal immigration, thousands of Americans are crossing the border illegally into Mexico" (or something akin to that). Now after years of very aggressive border patrols by the united states, and gunning down many people that run our borders I would figure Mexico would relish this opportunity to return the favor. If the Mexican Army is patrolling the border and we (USA) is crossing in illegally then they have every means to just gun "us" down.

My third beef is with the sequence in the library. Sam gets the idea to burn books to keep warm, which prompts whining from the librarian and another library patron. The same patron and one of sam's classmates even get in a debate over weather or not to burn Niche which comically is brought to an end when their classmate suggests burning an entire section on Tax Law. Now I'd like to point out that paper and books burn at approximately 451F degrees yet it burns very fast. Paper does not burn long at all, and in the grand scene of things what they are burning is a massive pile of kindling. It's not exactly known how long they are in that library but this is a terrible and illogical choice. Depicted throughout every library sequence is at least some implement of wood. There are hordes of wooden chairs in the main lobby, desks, tables, and as my roommate Seph pointed out even the frigging banister's of the staircases. I have to say that it would have been far more reasonable if they would have just chopped up one of the tables or chairs (as sam does later but only to make snow shoes) and burned them. They wouldn't have had to burn many other books, and if they did well there's that entire section of Tax Law they wont be needing.

I can't say my other beefs with the film without spoiling plot, but that pretty much sums it up!

Dear Journal/Readers,

Again I really got to get on this and start writing more again. Oh well.

So to start out let me tell you that I'm fine. I'm alive, and well, and still the amorous old fox I've always been so I hope that lays any fears some of you may have had to rest. I'm sitting nicely in my routine of playing tabletop rpg's with my roommates and friend's during the week, I coast around on W.O.W, and every few days I play on Black Ops II. I've become pretty decent at Black Ops, though I must admit that sometimes I do get a bit cocky and talk a little trash. Ive got to get on that.

Anyway the big news is that in September of this year I am getting married. That's right, I'm getting married! Washington State won it's landmark battle to legalize same-sex weddings and so after 6 long years [icon:randalfin] and I are getting married!

Now normally I'm not the kind to ask for money and some awesome people have already made some donations, but if you wanted to donate at all to my wedding fund, send payments to Damion.renee.morningstar[at]gmail.com . Anyone who donates will be added to a big thank-you list, and receive awesome karma points from myself and my husband to be.

To reiterate I have recieved some donations so far, but I'm just trying to make sure I have all my bases covered without putting to much burden on my previous contributors. Thanks for reading!

Dear Journal & Readers,

As it stands now I'm doing a bit better. It has been a bit since I've done an update so I think I'll update my readers on what's been going on.

Aside from my usual headbutting with my female roommate over her son and his general lack of respect (or a brain as I like to think), there hasn't been much. It had been a routine of WOW and Black Ops, and tabletop RP.

As far as wow goes, Foxlords Undivided has made it all the way to Level 11, and we're over 320 members strong. When I started the guild over a year ago it was boasting roughly 30 members. The population of the guild has exploded 10 times since then. Now we have one of the most friendly and co-operative guilds on the server of Draenor. I'm proud to see what my guild has become.

For those of you with Facebook we have a facebook page. Just look up Foxlords Undivided.

As for Tabletop Rp, it's been a bit of the same. Right now I'm DMing for my husband and my roommate Seph. I'm also doing an Online rp with  hakuen pertaining to the same D&D universe I'm running at home. It's nice to see how close all the characters come to interacting with one another.

My husband recently lost his job, so once again we're in a bit of a money crunch. I'm trying to get a job, and hopefully things work out. Ill know later this week weather or not I have a job.

Dear Readers/Journal

Some of you may remember my long post about my best friend Driver that has been sitting up for a while now. I haven't felt the urge to write anything for ages but I figured I might as well let my friends in the community know.

On Monday, my friend driver committed suicide. He has been dealing with many personal issues for the longest time, and his demons finally got to him.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/.....in_at_eas.html

That is a link to the web article pertaining to his death. He jumped in front of a light-rail train, that's basically a subway that doesn't go underground.

I'm finding this very hard to cope with. I've lost so many friends and family over the years and in the last few years I lost my Uncle and my Cousin to Lou Gerig's disease and to Diabetes. Now my oldest and dearest friend has died as well leaving me feeling very alone.

Don't get me wrong I don't have any plans of entertaining the idea of suicide myself. I have alot of things left to do in life. But, damnit I'm still going to miss him and feel like crap.

Dear Readers/Journal

It's with great humility that sometimes I have to step back and recognize the world doesn't revolve around me. This journal, even though it's been as of late, is notin truth just an avenue to vent my frustrations or my escapades. Sometimes I in my own little world forget that my world does include some awesome people in it. At times I've also neglected many people that have made my life instrumental, and it's a right-terrible shame that I've not done what is right by them and give them their just-do as well.

I'm taking some time out of my life, and I can't really call it too terribly busy, but I am taking time out of my life to acknowledge quite possibly my best friend of all time.

His name is William Windham Lyles III, however I know him more intimately as Driver.

Mr. Peabody, set the way-back machine for 1988.

(cooky psychedelic montage of going back in time go!)

Alright now that I got that out of the picture, let me paint one for you.

It's 1988, and my Grandpa Peter had just died. My beloved Lithuanian Grandpa, a true genius and rocket scientist that once worked for NASA had passed on. With my Grandpa dead, my father (due to my perception at the time) couldn't live in Los Angeles anymore. I didn't know he truthfully wanted to move to Oregon so he could get a cheap divorce and not have to owe my mother an ass load of alimony. But for whatever reason, my father drug me and my two sisters and mother up to Portland, Oregon where I was removed form everything I knew.

I was removed from my friend Nicky on Morris Avenue, and his awesome Nintendo entertainment system. I was removed from the other boys on the block that I'd befriended, my...well albeit catholic day care with the train-tracks but dozens of feet away from the playground with big heavy cargo trains blaring their horns so loud it'd scare the shit out of me. I was torn from the pretty two story house that was right next door to my Uncle Kas and my beloved cousin's Johnny and Jimmy... I was taken from everything.

Suffice it to say I was not happy about the move. The drive to Oregon itself was hell and a half. What really was likely only days, felt like weeks. Staying here and there. Spending time in San Fransisco and Sacramento...and going up I-5. All I knew was it was taking forever and there would likely be no more casual visits to Disneyland anymore. No more anything that I knew. No more spending the weekend at Grandpa's mansion with grandma Donna.

Well after what was about a month of picking and choosing houses, dad finally settled one on Madrona Ave in Portland. It was modern for the time. I believe it was 3 bedroom and 1 bath, but that soon changed anyway. But as my dad and uncles and mom and sister sat moving things in I sat on the curb, wondering what I was going to do with my life. And that's the first time I saw him.

Driver.

We introudced ourselves, and we hit it off right off the bat. I was fascinated by the funny bumps he had on his forehead. He explained to me they were Neuro-Thyroid-Mitosis tumors and that they made him special. I thought it was kind of neat at the time. But our first meeting was short, Dad said I couldn't go run off and play so I had to sit on the curb, and similarly Driver couldn't come over and play yet so we had to sit across the street from one another and have our chat that way.

But as time went on we became the best of friends. We hung out at each-other's houses all the time. we were almost inseparable. We played games, ran around in Williams tall-overgrown-grass filled back yard like it was a jungle, and we played video games and such over at mine. We had a favorite game, The Wrath of the Black Manta hat we played the hell out of. It was a ninja-cop themed game where you were trying to capture drug-lords whom had kidnapped several children and rescue the kids and kill the bad guys. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrath_of_the_Black_Manta for further details.

William and I had no difficulty getting to the first boss who was a villain named Tiny. Only, tiny took up nearly all the screen. Tiny was a big lummox, a balding villain in jeans and a red tank top that would punch or kick you if you got close, but would otherwise just hop around the screen and cause bricks to fall from the ceiling that did damage to you if you got hit. There was no way to damage this guy, nothing we tried worked and we'd always die before we could figure it out. One day while playing it I discovered that if you threw a ninja star at his chin it did damage. This was our ticket to beating him!! Well I beat him first, and won. William was pissed. But the next level was particularly difficult and involved flying on this odd kite around a level with other flying ninjas. I could never get past this. William (I believe) said he got to the end but could never beat the final boss. In later years I'd discover that many people I knew played this game, and had also got to the final boss, but no one had beaten it! This was before strategy guides and internet answers. All anyone knew was that you were supposed to use your powers on El Toro in a specific order but the game gives you absolutely no clue as to the sequence, and with 6 powers to choose from it's quite a pain.

Another game that William and I adored? Super Mario Bros. III. We played the hell out of that game. We were both really good at it. William and I had worked out this one day we were going to beat the game all the way to the end from level 1-1 to Bowser's castle in one fell swoop without using a single warp whistle. And dammit we almost did! We made it to the water-themed level and the both of us had got up for some food, but since we'd played the hell out of the system all day and never gave it a proper break it overheated and froze, so all of our work was lost! Oh No's!
Sadly we never completed that goal.

Then catastrophe stuck. In June 1993 my father committed suicide, dying of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. My stressed-out dad blew his brains out, leaving me without a dad and my family wondering what was going to happen. Unable to stay in my Dad's house I had to move in full-time with my mother, meaning I wouldn't really ever see my friend Driver again. I didn't even really get the chance to say goodbye. It was one of the most horrible times in my life.

For the second time really, I was being majorly uprooted, and taken away from everything i knew and thrown into a place I didn't necessarily like and into a Staunch and Strict conservative catholic school that did really nothing for me. There I was ridiculed, tormented, taunted, and insulted. I was traumatized after the loss of my dad and was getting picked on and made fun of for it. I even remember one day I had gone into a corner of the playground to cry, and some 8th graders thought it would be fun to pelt me with footballs thrown at some considerable force. I wanted to die that day too.

It wasn't until I was in High-School that I would ever see William again. By some chance, William moved just about 5 or 6 blocks away from where Mom and the family had moved to when I graduated 8th grade. He had walked by me in the halls of Franklin High nearly every day, and I had ran across him at the work-source center of S.E. Works in the internet lounge constantly without knowing it was the same person. It was my mother running into him at the store that caught us off guard. He recognized her and William and I set everything up.

William and I were best friends all over again. We were so glad to have one another once again. Now as teens, things took a bit of different turn. We became more intimate...lovers. And all I can say is, goddamn! There are not many that can top his talents in bed. And at the risk of embarrassment he is incredibly well hung ;)

But all that aside, I'm not going to kiss-n-tell with him unless he says he wants those stories told. But William and I started to hang out again and everything was super! I discovered that Driver was heavily into D&D, and I managed to join up with a group that we got going. Every week the group of us would have awesome adventures. It was Driver that helped me create my character of Jester

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y7.....Truejester.gif

Shown here, is my Fire-Genasi monk, a flying and energy attack using monk. Thickly British/Aussie accented, temperamental, and flamboyantly gay he was and still is quite possibly my favorite character of all time to have played in a D&D game. Yeah I played him strong at the start and he was desperately wanting to get laid, he eventually came into his own and became a force to be reckoned with. Teamed up with a half-elf named Trokanis Knightblade, and a cynical worshiper of Cyric named Sanar (spelling?), Jester was torn from everyone he loved and cared about and thrown into an apocalyptic world where the gods were gone and he had to somehow save the day. It was even thanks to William's interesting plot arc where I got to say one of the most funny lines I've ever spouted in a D&D game...

The scene was riveting! Jester had been confronted by the spirit of ultimate evil in this game, The Shadow. The Shadow had promised Jester if he accepted the Shadow into his body he could have Johnathan (his murdered husband) back from the dead. The shadow appearing as Johnathan convinced Jester to turn evil and turn against his friends who were the "true evil" in this world. Jester became a first in that universe, the first person to willingly hand himself over to the Shadow's power. As such he was rewarded with unparalleled power. He pounced on the opportunity to tell Trokanis and the other party member (who's name escapes me so I'll just refer to him as Vince) Vince off. I must've given Vince a good 10 minute rant on his failed attempts to act like a bard despite being a sorcerer. Slowly Trokan was edging up on Jester with his sword drawn and I rounded on him with an emphatic "And YOU!" and the room was dead silent. I promptly bellowed "It's called a doorknob! Use it!". Now for this joke to make sense, Trokanis for whatever reason hadn't taken a liking to opening doors normally, at every opportunity he'd "Chuck Norris" his way through virtually every door he came across. It had become so common-place we even out of character-ly were shocked and amazed to the degree we almost wrote down each rare instance of him using the Doorknob instead of kicking in the door. The result however was all of us, including me, burst into laughter. John whom played Trokan just lost it, William was rolling, Vince was turning purple, and I was laughing because of their reactions even though I was the one who was supposed to be all serious/angry face. I absolutely lost-it and laughed for what was near a half an hour with the guys.

I hung out and Rped with William and the guys for years until the whole incident with Sibe. I've spent 4 years mostly away from him and I really miss him. But now that I moved I hope to be able to spend more time with the guy.

Recently I found out he'd had a hip replacement and other surgeries. He'd been hospitalized and had even nearly died. I feel terrible that I've missed out on alot of things he'd gone through. I try my hardest these days to remember alot of people in my life but I can never forget william.

So here's to you William, my oldest and longest friend.

Dear Journal/Readers

Well here I am, on my computer again in my brand-new townhouse. It's lovely to be here and I thank you for sticking with me. It was more than a trial I definitely will say, but it's nice to be somewhere I don't have to worry about a psychotic neighbor or a landlord/stand-in-landlady that cannot/will not do what's in the best interests.

On the subject of our landlord, just today I did a walk-through of Tom's house to see if he had truly taken any of my things. For those of you that might not know, I recently discovered that many of my precious things had been stolen from the storage shed on the old lot: My collection of license plates that I'd spent my whole life collecting all gone, my old story manuscripts, old D&D character sheets and campaign information, and I'm sure much more. I can't honestly remember what all was in those boxes, only that they were important and very dear to me. I am and was severely devastated at the loss of these things. Sean my ex-landlord agreed to let me walk through Tom's house with him in order to see if I saw anything that was mine but Tom wasn't having any of that and demanded I leave his property. Sean just kind of froze and stood there looking like an idiot. I'd defended Sean to a degree for many years, and I'd always seen him as - well don't get me wrong I'm not going to lie and glorify him - but always saw him as a somewhat reasonable individual, yet today he just failed. He couldn't engage. He just stood there and muttered a little bit. I am very disappointed in Sean right now. Right in one of those crucial moments where I needed his backup he left me hanging.

I could have said a great many things. I could have done a great many things, but instead I just shook my head and left, laughing slightly. Now as I write this I have a massive migraine. I lost sleep over even having to go up there, and I'm just glad it's over.

Anyway. It hurts to write, so I'm going to write again soon when I have some more news.

Dear Journal/Readers

I promise a more lengthy journal in the future but this is mostly for those out there that are going "Where the fuck did he go?"

Long story short I'm moving into a new Townhouse this weekend. The Landlord gave me a notice to vacate the DAY my friends and I all got back from Rain Furrest and told us to politely GTFO. So, we've been doing everything we could and running around like beheaded chickens to get a new place - which we now have! For those that were planning on visiting me it's still VERY cool to have you come and visit. I will have my new address for you all available in whispers once I get it memorized.

Anyway I'll be on sporadically

Dear Journal/Readers

Well here we are before my shift starts on another day at Taco Bell, another monday another week :)

So here's the scoup of what's been going on:


Kari, Seph's girlfriend, discovered an apartment for us all so the 5 of us can move out of the miserable living arrangement that we're in at the moment. We're all sick and tired of dealing with the B.S. and sick and tired of dealing with Tommas and the things he does. So we're going to completely enjoy being somewhere elsewhere. I am anxious over the whole thing. I suffer from terrible anxiety when it comes to mooving. Call it my autisim, but I hate having to move and change living environments. Plus, we JUST got out of our hut and I was kind-of hoping to continue to have my own living space for a little while longer. Though, I would rather live with Seph and Kari than some random people who fuck with me.

So I'm planning on a surprise party at Rain Furrest for my husband. It's going to be great! Ive already ordered him a cake colored like his fursona, and he's going to be so surprised :) I've never thrown a surprise party for someone, so I'm quite excited.

Apparently I'm not getting fired by the looks of it. Um...yay? It's nice that I'm still going to have a steady income, but at the same time it's like...damn I wanted an out.

Other than that, I can't really think of anything to say. I might do another journal entry later.