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People keep slipping away
Posted 11 years agoNo matter what I do, no matter how hard I try I am just not good enough for anyone...
All the friends I made who became friends with each other because of me always seem to move away from me...
Why do I try so hard only to get nothing in return, all the art I do for people, all the times when some one needed some one to listen to I tried to be that guy... all that to just be left on the side of the road like a piece of shit no one wants to even look at.
I don't know what else to do, I'm sick and when people disappear because I am sick it makes my life worse.
I guess I do know what to do, I need to stop caring and inviting people into my skype, my life... my heart.
It is better dying alone then knowing that I have friends that won't bother to even help me up when I am sinking.
Sorry about this journal but I needed to vent and since I don't have anyone to sit here and help me this is all I got.
For the few friends that I have not chased off, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking by me, you know who you are and you guys are amazing and hope I don't chase you away like everyone else.
I'll be fine later, just had to get this out cause I am hurting really bad...
Good night and thanks for reading if you did.
All the friends I made who became friends with each other because of me always seem to move away from me...
Why do I try so hard only to get nothing in return, all the art I do for people, all the times when some one needed some one to listen to I tried to be that guy... all that to just be left on the side of the road like a piece of shit no one wants to even look at.
I don't know what else to do, I'm sick and when people disappear because I am sick it makes my life worse.
I guess I do know what to do, I need to stop caring and inviting people into my skype, my life... my heart.
It is better dying alone then knowing that I have friends that won't bother to even help me up when I am sinking.
Sorry about this journal but I needed to vent and since I don't have anyone to sit here and help me this is all I got.
For the few friends that I have not chased off, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking by me, you know who you are and you guys are amazing and hope I don't chase you away like everyone else.
I'll be fine later, just had to get this out cause I am hurting really bad...
Good night and thanks for reading if you did.
Taking like 5 commissions!
Posted 11 years agoHey everyone! I am gonna open up for like 5-ish commissions
Here is my price guide:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
I am also taking face meme chibib's (you can see examples that I have posted already)
So what ya gotta do is post a character down below so I can see if I can handle it.
The note should include refs of your character and a good color guide (if you want a color commission) my paypal is damnevildog[at]gmail.com
Thank you for reading and much appreciate any commissions!
Here is my price guide:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
I am also taking face meme chibib's (you can see examples that I have posted already)
So what ya gotta do is post a character down below so I can see if I can handle it.
The note should include refs of your character and a good color guide (if you want a color commission) my paypal is damnevildog[at]gmail.com
Thank you for reading and much appreciate any commissions!
Status update and still taking joint commissions!
Posted 11 years agoWell stuffs been really poor for me like always, but I am making an effort to not complain or post as many dreadful journals so I don't chase people away from me, because I am feeling a lot of holes in my life that was filled with the amazing friends I have made over the years, even though we have not talked much or none at all over the months I love you guys and am here when ever you want me <3
Well onto the medical stuff:
I had been wearing a heart monitor for like a month, I finally got the damn thing off of me last week right before I went to for an MRI... which failed horrible because after they hooked up the football shoulder pad thing on my left side and stuck ear plugs on me I got shoved into this tiny ass cylinder made for skinny people... I had a panic attack and had to cancel....
Got rescheduled for yesterday, that went much better, I was in horrifying amounts of pain but I bore it best I could, at least that machine was bigger (they use it for athletes or persons of my great circumference) best part was I did not get ear plugs, I got headphones with my choice of music being pumped into my head, so two songs by Metalica a tune by Ozzy and a diddy by ACDC (not in that order) and I was off, will find out what the heck the doctor thinks he saw in my left shoulder and hopefully some relief!
Now that is all done with, I am still open for joint commissions with
memokkeen!!
We have gotten two (one is already done and I will be getting to the next one here soon) here are some examples to start off:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14818714/ This is an inked image with her colors which is $60
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14818037/ And this awesome pic is a sketch of mine with her colors which is $40
If you would like one of these no/low input commissions post below so I can see if I can handle the character.
half payment will go to me and the other half will go to her, we both need the same note posted to us
My paypal is damnevildog[at]gmail.com and hers will be noted to you when you note her.
Thanks for reading, hope you are all doing well ^^
Well onto the medical stuff:
I had been wearing a heart monitor for like a month, I finally got the damn thing off of me last week right before I went to for an MRI... which failed horrible because after they hooked up the football shoulder pad thing on my left side and stuck ear plugs on me I got shoved into this tiny ass cylinder made for skinny people... I had a panic attack and had to cancel....
Got rescheduled for yesterday, that went much better, I was in horrifying amounts of pain but I bore it best I could, at least that machine was bigger (they use it for athletes or persons of my great circumference) best part was I did not get ear plugs, I got headphones with my choice of music being pumped into my head, so two songs by Metalica a tune by Ozzy and a diddy by ACDC (not in that order) and I was off, will find out what the heck the doctor thinks he saw in my left shoulder and hopefully some relief!
Now that is all done with, I am still open for joint commissions with
memokkeen!!We have gotten two (one is already done and I will be getting to the next one here soon) here are some examples to start off:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14818714/ This is an inked image with her colors which is $60
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14818037/ And this awesome pic is a sketch of mine with her colors which is $40
If you would like one of these no/low input commissions post below so I can see if I can handle the character.
half payment will go to me and the other half will go to her, we both need the same note posted to us
My paypal is damnevildog[at]gmail.com and hers will be noted to you when you note her.
Thanks for reading, hope you are all doing well ^^
Taking 4-5 joint commissions with Memokkeen!
Posted 11 years agoHey everyone! I am gonna open up for like 4-5 joint commissions with my lovely friend memokkeen
What is gonna be involved is that I will be doing the art and she wants to do the coloring, here is an example:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14790098/
So what ya gotta do is post a character down below so I can see if I can handle it, if so you have two options:
Colored sketches for $40
Colored Inked art for $60
Now bare in mind depending on how complex your characters markings are she may want a lil more.
We are going half and half on both types, I would get ether $20 or $30 after I ask you for a note then after you would note her and she will give you her pay pal
The note should include refs of your character and a good color guide, my paypal is damnevildog[at]gmail.com
Thank you for reading and much appreciate any commissions we get :D
memokkeenWhat is gonna be involved is that I will be doing the art and she wants to do the coloring, here is an example:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14790098/
So what ya gotta do is post a character down below so I can see if I can handle it, if so you have two options:
Colored sketches for $40
Colored Inked art for $60
Now bare in mind depending on how complex your characters markings are she may want a lil more.
We are going half and half on both types, I would get ether $20 or $30 after I ask you for a note then after you would note her and she will give you her pay pal
The note should include refs of your character and a good color guide, my paypal is damnevildog[at]gmail.com
Thank you for reading and much appreciate any commissions we get :D
Character auction going on from my Ferret, should read!
Posted 11 years agoHey guys, 
yoon is having a character auction right now, if you do an auto buy of the character I will throw in a sketch!
Here is her journal:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14774404/
You don't have much time! the auction ends 5pm central time zone, don't this character get away :D
yoon is having a character auction right now, if you do an auto buy of the character I will throw in a sketch!Here is her journal:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14774404/
You don't have much time! the auction ends 5pm central time zone, don't this character get away :D
Hey, a heads up and I will be gone for a bit
Posted 11 years agoI just wanted to post a journal about what is going on and also a goodbye for awhile.
I have not posted a journal about my health for awhile, feels like I might be pissing people off, so here is a short a version I can muster:
Both eyes are doing good, my right eye may never have real vision in it ever, but my docs will keep checking, won't have a new appointment for them till January. I can get glasses now, but I can't afford it
The keep checking my heart at the hospital but is seems fine there, but my main doctor is still worried so I am now on a heart monitor thing and will have to wear it till the middles of this month. I was put on a new pill for my blood pressure and to try to prevent me expelling too much protein when I use the restroom.
Still have tons of pains, they did an xray on my hips (did not find anything) and did xrays on my shoulders and found something on my left shoulder, so they want me to have an MRI so I am waiting on that.
SS is asking for more info, still feels like I wont ever get it unless I am terminal (if I am not already)
That is the medical stuff out of the way (the stuff I can remember) now for other things:
As I type this my fingers are jittering quiet bad, which means I can't chat easily and when I was at my worst I was not bothering to proof read the things I typed so I had a ton of errors. also I have been very depressed, I was sad that my brother bought me Diet Coke yesterday cause I could not really afford it... he also went to Taco Bell after he got his flu shot, bought me food... so I feel like crap, cried while I was eating my food... my brother never does that unless he thinks I am in really terrible shape.
What does this all mean? well I need to just be offline for awhile like I said earlier, typeing is hard as damn hell and no one wants to voice chat with me out side of Memokkeen when streamed a few times last week, and also there is 
wrathofzod who I chat with sometimes when I play Destiny with him (gaming is hard I have horrible twitches most of the time)
So yeah offline for awhile, I am sorry for this, but it really won't affect people cause I don't talk to a lot of people anymore and I hope so I do not mind when people are gone for long periods of time that I would be granted the same kindness if you don't mind.
I have only two commissions, gonna work on the best I can during this time, but I won't be taking anymore commissions for a while, this wont be good for me since I just have $16 left, but I have no choice, I can't keep my hands under control enough to do constant amounts of art.
I guess that is it, like I said I doubt my absence will effect a lot of people, but for those it does I am sorry, I wish you all good health (please imake sure to get check ups, I don't want you ending up like me for the love of god) and thanks for reading, till we meet again *hugs* <3
I have not posted a journal about my health for awhile, feels like I might be pissing people off, so here is a short a version I can muster:
Both eyes are doing good, my right eye may never have real vision in it ever, but my docs will keep checking, won't have a new appointment for them till January. I can get glasses now, but I can't afford it
The keep checking my heart at the hospital but is seems fine there, but my main doctor is still worried so I am now on a heart monitor thing and will have to wear it till the middles of this month. I was put on a new pill for my blood pressure and to try to prevent me expelling too much protein when I use the restroom.
Still have tons of pains, they did an xray on my hips (did not find anything) and did xrays on my shoulders and found something on my left shoulder, so they want me to have an MRI so I am waiting on that.
SS is asking for more info, still feels like I wont ever get it unless I am terminal (if I am not already)
That is the medical stuff out of the way (the stuff I can remember) now for other things:
As I type this my fingers are jittering quiet bad, which means I can't chat easily and when I was at my worst I was not bothering to proof read the things I typed so I had a ton of errors. also I have been very depressed, I was sad that my brother bought me Diet Coke yesterday cause I could not really afford it... he also went to Taco Bell after he got his flu shot, bought me food... so I feel like crap, cried while I was eating my food... my brother never does that unless he thinks I am in really terrible shape.
What does this all mean? well I need to just be offline for awhile like I said earlier, typeing is hard as damn hell and no one wants to voice chat with me out side of
Memokkeen when streamed a few times last week, and also there is 
wrathofzod who I chat with sometimes when I play Destiny with him (gaming is hard I have horrible twitches most of the time)So yeah offline for awhile, I am sorry for this, but it really won't affect people cause I don't talk to a lot of people anymore and I hope so I do not mind when people are gone for long periods of time that I would be granted the same kindness if you don't mind.
I have only two commissions, gonna work on the best I can during this time, but I won't be taking anymore commissions for a while, this wont be good for me since I just have $16 left, but I have no choice, I can't keep my hands under control enough to do constant amounts of art.
I guess that is it, like I said I doubt my absence will effect a lot of people, but for those it does I am sorry, I wish you all good health (please imake sure to get check ups, I don't want you ending up like me for the love of god) and thanks for reading, till we meet again *hugs* <3
Gonna try and do a donation stream
Posted 11 years agohttps://www.picarto.tv/live/channel.....ch=DamnEvilDog
I need help, am gonna try to do a donation stream because I don't want to out right ask for help, I feel to guilty because I have been helped so much in the past.
So if you want to get a doodle for $10 and give a bit extra I would appreciate it.
If anyone just wants to help... then I really could use it, I'd rather not be doing art, it's too hard.
My paypal is damnevildog[at]paypal.com
Mind you if you do not see my stream image up anymore then I am not stream, thank you for reading.
I need help, am gonna try to do a donation stream because I don't want to out right ask for help, I feel to guilty because I have been helped so much in the past.
So if you want to get a doodle for $10 and give a bit extra I would appreciate it.
If anyone just wants to help... then I really could use it, I'd rather not be doing art, it's too hard.
My paypal is damnevildog[at]paypal.com
Mind you if you do not see my stream image up anymore then I am not stream, thank you for reading.
Been a few weeks, figured I'd post an update...
Posted 11 years agoHey all, sorry about being silent and doing less and art and having short streams, I will go over what is up so people are not in the dark.
I went to the eye doctors this past Thursday and was stuck there for 2 hours, nothing bad happened it was just a busy day I guess.
I finally got seen and was told that both my eyes looked like they were doing good, right eye is... well it is pointless to put a lense in it, so it looks like it is done for, they will keep checking to see if I have potential to see out of it (right now I can see shapes, lights and stuff, but can't read or nothing) eye pressure was good in both eyes also.
After that I had to go and get 4 vials of blood drawn then it was off to get Xrays... they had me lay on the table then stand up and twist around so they can take images of my hips and my shoulders. this was prompted by my main doctor because he was worried about my upper body pains I talked about in my last journal, the xrays sucked... because of laying on the table and twisting around... and just thinking about what could be wrong and stuff had me crying... the xray lady was really nice btw.
I am now just sitting here trying to work on commissions, but it is hard, I feel like crap, hurt a lot and I have something attached to me which was also wanted by my doctor, a cardio thingy... it is monitoring my heart... I have to wear it for a month unless the doctor says I do not need it anymore. the leads or what ever (wires connected to the sticker thingies on my upper right chest just below my collar bone and one under my left chest) keeps gett crinkled and I have to keep smoothing it out, it is a nightmare...
At least now I know I can get new glasses now, but I can't afford them, I am sitting on $15 because I can barely push the pen across the canvas anymore, the SS people were jerks and denied me, appeal was sent in but have to wait (do I need to be sitting on death's doorstep before they will help me? I mean really?) brother can't get my glasses for me because our ceiling costed him $2,500 (that is the deductible he had to pay) so I don't know what I can do... I hope I am feeling well enough to do commissions this week, joint ones with my friend memokkeen so if you are interested please watch for another journal about them, I need the money badly...
That is the end of the journal, sorry it was so long but a lot has happend and I did not want to post ever few days and emo about my problems, I use FA as my sounding board a lot of the times and I am sorry for that... thank you for reading and please, please make sure to get regular medical check ups, I don't want anyone I know to get to where I am in life *hugs*
I went to the eye doctors this past Thursday and was stuck there for 2 hours, nothing bad happened it was just a busy day I guess.
I finally got seen and was told that both my eyes looked like they were doing good, right eye is... well it is pointless to put a lense in it, so it looks like it is done for, they will keep checking to see if I have potential to see out of it (right now I can see shapes, lights and stuff, but can't read or nothing) eye pressure was good in both eyes also.
After that I had to go and get 4 vials of blood drawn then it was off to get Xrays... they had me lay on the table then stand up and twist around so they can take images of my hips and my shoulders. this was prompted by my main doctor because he was worried about my upper body pains I talked about in my last journal, the xrays sucked... because of laying on the table and twisting around... and just thinking about what could be wrong and stuff had me crying... the xray lady was really nice btw.
I am now just sitting here trying to work on commissions, but it is hard, I feel like crap, hurt a lot and I have something attached to me which was also wanted by my doctor, a cardio thingy... it is monitoring my heart... I have to wear it for a month unless the doctor says I do not need it anymore. the leads or what ever (wires connected to the sticker thingies on my upper right chest just below my collar bone and one under my left chest) keeps gett crinkled and I have to keep smoothing it out, it is a nightmare...
At least now I know I can get new glasses now, but I can't afford them, I am sitting on $15 because I can barely push the pen across the canvas anymore, the SS people were jerks and denied me, appeal was sent in but have to wait (do I need to be sitting on death's doorstep before they will help me? I mean really?) brother can't get my glasses for me because our ceiling costed him $2,500 (that is the deductible he had to pay) so I don't know what I can do... I hope I am feeling well enough to do commissions this week, joint ones with my friend
memokkeen so if you are interested please watch for another journal about them, I need the money badly...That is the end of the journal, sorry it was so long but a lot has happend and I did not want to post ever few days and emo about my problems, I use FA as my sounding board a lot of the times and I am sorry for that... thank you for reading and please, please make sure to get regular medical check ups, I don't want anyone I know to get to where I am in life *hugs*
Sorry I have not been around, there are reasons
Posted 11 years agoSo where to start... well let me go with our ceiling...
So me and my brother have been living in our house for like 14 ish years and then this happned:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/no3qx6hb2.....41.00.jpg?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/zrjwd7ltf.....41.49.jpg?dl=0
This happened while I was streaming Metro Redux... when I woke up the next day it got worse:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/nuhlcwlc9.....32.19.jpg?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/jvlh3ixx5.....32.28.jpg?dl=0
Yup the ceiling buckled and the light came down if you are not sure what you are looking at in the images.
So... yay... our insurance guy is coming on Tuesday, hope we can get it fixed soon >>
My health...
I am having a lot of problems, shoulder and neck pains, my arms hurt... I am waking up with my heart pounding and I am just tired and crap feeling all the time.
Oddly enough, my doctor called out of the blue not too long ago from when I am posting this, he asked if I was still having issues and now wants me to go and get x-rayed and blood tests done soon, also need to call up the sleep clinic and get a different face mask for my CPAP machine cause I can NOT sleep or even breathe right with the thing on.
So that is it, life sucks and etc. makes it hard to want to do art, I just want to play games and forget we have a huge hole in our ceiling and pretend I don't feel like I am dying.
Anyway, 4pm EST will be my stream time from now on, if I do not stream by 5pm EST then I won't be streaming unless I am running really late and I want to, also no streams on the weekend unless it is a fun stream.
Will be streaming today, if anyone wants any sketches let me know, I think I might want to get Destiny (more so now that I know I can buy it digitally on the Xbox 360 and then it will be free on the Xbox One for me)
Thanks for reading, I hope you guys are doing ok... and for god sakes please make sure to get check ups, KEEP YOUR SELF HEALTHY! *hugs*
So me and my brother have been living in our house for like 14 ish years and then this happned:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/no3qx6hb2.....41.00.jpg?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/zrjwd7ltf.....41.49.jpg?dl=0
This happened while I was streaming Metro Redux... when I woke up the next day it got worse:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/nuhlcwlc9.....32.19.jpg?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/jvlh3ixx5.....32.28.jpg?dl=0
Yup the ceiling buckled and the light came down if you are not sure what you are looking at in the images.
So... yay... our insurance guy is coming on Tuesday, hope we can get it fixed soon >>
My health...
I am having a lot of problems, shoulder and neck pains, my arms hurt... I am waking up with my heart pounding and I am just tired and crap feeling all the time.
Oddly enough, my doctor called out of the blue not too long ago from when I am posting this, he asked if I was still having issues and now wants me to go and get x-rayed and blood tests done soon, also need to call up the sleep clinic and get a different face mask for my CPAP machine cause I can NOT sleep or even breathe right with the thing on.
So that is it, life sucks and etc. makes it hard to want to do art, I just want to play games and forget we have a huge hole in our ceiling and pretend I don't feel like I am dying.
Anyway, 4pm EST will be my stream time from now on, if I do not stream by 5pm EST then I won't be streaming unless I am running really late and I want to, also no streams on the weekend unless it is a fun stream.
Will be streaming today, if anyone wants any sketches let me know, I think I might want to get Destiny (more so now that I know I can buy it digitally on the Xbox 360 and then it will be free on the Xbox One for me)
Thanks for reading, I hope you guys are doing ok... and for god sakes please make sure to get check ups, KEEP YOUR SELF HEALTHY! *hugs*
Stream times and how I am feeling
Posted 11 years agoI have decided I am gonna shoot for 4pm EST to do my streams, gonna stream on weekdays only for commissions, I may stream on the weekends to do art for my self unless I am really inspired to work on commissions, but stream times will be random if I do them at all ^^
I am tired all the time is how I am feeling, I have had my amatriptlyne dose doubled per day so now I get super sleepy some time after I take it at midnight.
It has been good cause its eased my pains a bit, but I still have them... I was told I am taking a low dose, but I don't want to take more so I feel like sleeping way too much >.> up side is that the meds are also an antidepressant, so I feel slightly more chipper x3
That is about it I guess, I can't think of anything else to type xD other then if you want a commission from me and you see my stream image show up you can ask for one in the comment section of the image without having to be in stream :3
Thanks for reading *hugs* ^^
I am tired all the time is how I am feeling, I have had my amatriptlyne dose doubled per day so now I get super sleepy some time after I take it at midnight.
It has been good cause its eased my pains a bit, but I still have them... I was told I am taking a low dose, but I don't want to take more so I feel like sleeping way too much >.> up side is that the meds are also an antidepressant, so I feel slightly more chipper x3
That is about it I guess, I can't think of anything else to type xD other then if you want a commission from me and you see my stream image show up you can ask for one in the comment section of the image without having to be in stream :3
Thanks for reading *hugs* ^^
Commission time!
Posted 11 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
Taking 5 no input commissions!
If you are interested please post below with a ref, if I feel like I can handle I will need a note.
Then I need payment sent to damnevildog[at]gmail.com for the type of commission you want.
I will start on these on Monday if you have paid :3
Thanks for reading ^^
Taking 5 no input commissions!
If you are interested please post below with a ref, if I feel like I can handle I will need a note.
Then I need payment sent to damnevildog[at]gmail.com for the type of commission you want.
I will start on these on Monday if you have paid :3
Thanks for reading ^^
Changing things up some
Posted 11 years agoFirst off I am sorry about yesterday, I had a bad break down and I needed to vent then take a nap. I have a lawyer already, they already got the letter even though I called them today anyway, thanks for all the comments, I appreciate it a lot <3
Now on to the topic at hand, changes.
I am gonna start being a bit less willing to add to people to my Skype, might even take some people off, I mean nothing by it but I am in need of being more strict of who I befriend because I am getting hurt way too much.
I have changed my front page list, I have a lot of people I care about, but there are people that stay really close to me and I feel an unending connection to, others are still my friends but have gotten distant or are just too busy, nothing wrong with that, my list just reflects my feelings right now, they talk to me A LOT or are just there for me more then others. I hope people will understand and not get upset.
Next up I am gonna try to have a regular time of doing art, I will start doing streams around 11pm-12pm EST and will stream for how ever long I feel like, I will not stream on the weekends anymore. I am not sure if I will stream everyday, most likly at least 3 days a week, every other day, will not do art unless I stream so that means my commissions will be smaller I guess, we'll see how that goes.
And finally I am done, very much DONE trying to worry about this and that when it comes to people. I worry about others feelings so much sometimes that I get F***ed internally and suffer because of it, if I am having fun in CAH or just joking around and not being serious I am not gonna bow down to some one who gets hurt by it, I am not attacking you I am just being silly. this is also a major thing in my stream, if you are gonna try and upset me when I am trying to do art and have fun I will warn you about it or ask you to leave, I should be having fun in my streams you know, other then me not taking crap anymore my streams will be the same if you want to talk to me and joke around.
That is about it, sorr the journal is so long and maybe hard to read, but I need to stick up for my self, I can't take the beatings anymore from people who are my friends and feel that they can dictate how I can or can't be.
Thanks for reading and hopefully understanding, I do care about a lot of people and wish nothing but the best for you all and all the hugs *hugs* <3
Now on to the topic at hand, changes.
I am gonna start being a bit less willing to add to people to my Skype, might even take some people off, I mean nothing by it but I am in need of being more strict of who I befriend because I am getting hurt way too much.
I have changed my front page list, I have a lot of people I care about, but there are people that stay really close to me and I feel an unending connection to, others are still my friends but have gotten distant or are just too busy, nothing wrong with that, my list just reflects my feelings right now, they talk to me A LOT or are just there for me more then others. I hope people will understand and not get upset.
Next up I am gonna try to have a regular time of doing art, I will start doing streams around 11pm-12pm EST and will stream for how ever long I feel like, I will not stream on the weekends anymore. I am not sure if I will stream everyday, most likly at least 3 days a week, every other day, will not do art unless I stream so that means my commissions will be smaller I guess, we'll see how that goes.
And finally I am done, very much DONE trying to worry about this and that when it comes to people. I worry about others feelings so much sometimes that I get F***ed internally and suffer because of it, if I am having fun in CAH or just joking around and not being serious I am not gonna bow down to some one who gets hurt by it, I am not attacking you I am just being silly. this is also a major thing in my stream, if you are gonna try and upset me when I am trying to do art and have fun I will warn you about it or ask you to leave, I should be having fun in my streams you know, other then me not taking crap anymore my streams will be the same if you want to talk to me and joke around.
That is about it, sorr the journal is so long and maybe hard to read, but I need to stick up for my self, I can't take the beatings anymore from people who are my friends and feel that they can dictate how I can or can't be.
Thanks for reading and hopefully understanding, I do care about a lot of people and wish nothing but the best for you all and all the hugs *hugs* <3
I was denied SS
Posted 11 years agoSo I got two letters in the mail stating the same thing, based on blah blah blah I am not qualified for SS and can get a job.
So they pretty much think I am a lazy scum bag with some pains, but not enough of anything to give me help.
I hate this fucking month, my birthday sucked, almost the entire month has been garbage and I knew, I fucking knew that I was not gonna get approved cause I felt like it was a bad omen to have the SS scheduled doctors examination the day before my birthday.
Why do I bother to go on, just gonna hurt worse and worse and they don't give a damn.
Happy fucking birthday for me....
So they pretty much think I am a lazy scum bag with some pains, but not enough of anything to give me help.
I hate this fucking month, my birthday sucked, almost the entire month has been garbage and I knew, I fucking knew that I was not gonna get approved cause I felt like it was a bad omen to have the SS scheduled doctors examination the day before my birthday.
Why do I bother to go on, just gonna hurt worse and worse and they don't give a damn.
Happy fucking birthday for me....
Bit of down time, I kinda need it
Posted 11 years agoJust as the title says, I need a break, some of you know that I have been dragging in streams, it's take me like 3x or something as long to do art.
Reason for it? I am ether being hit hard by allergies or I am sick, it's not a big deal but I am not sleeping good (waking up with my heart beating really fast and my legs ache) I also have had some distracting eye pains, but those are now more mild so I think that is fine.
So I am gonna maybe take the rest of the week off to try and rest, will be playing these games that I have been busting my ass to get and streaming them since I have a good connection for it so stay tuned for those stream anoucements if you want to watch me play something :P
In other news I am walking again, it's not a lot of walking, but I need to do something before it becomes too late.
Thanks for reading and I hope you guys are not sick or suffering from allergies ^^; *hugs*
Reason for it? I am ether being hit hard by allergies or I am sick, it's not a big deal but I am not sleeping good (waking up with my heart beating really fast and my legs ache) I also have had some distracting eye pains, but those are now more mild so I think that is fine.
So I am gonna maybe take the rest of the week off to try and rest, will be playing these games that I have been busting my ass to get and streaming them since I have a good connection for it so stay tuned for those stream anoucements if you want to watch me play something :P
In other news I am walking again, it's not a lot of walking, but I need to do something before it becomes too late.
Thanks for reading and I hope you guys are not sick or suffering from allergies ^^; *hugs*
Opening for a few Toned sketches!
Posted 11 years agoI am opening up for 3 toned sketches right now, here is my guide thingy:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
I mostly do no input/ low input pinup commissions, I can do nude gals but not guys
If you are interested please post below, and don't worry if three people already have responded because I have had people never get back to me or pay for the art.
Anywhoo what I need:
Post an image of the character below, if I feel I can do justice to the character I will let you know in which I will need a note with 2-3 refs of the characters (girls I am fine looking at nude, not guys)
Once I tell you it is fine I need you to send me $30 to my paypal at Damnevildog[at]gmail.com (no e-checks please)
I do have health issues that may crop up, but I try to be quick with my commissions ^^;;
Thanks for reading and for any interest!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
I mostly do no input/ low input pinup commissions, I can do nude gals but not guys
If you are interested please post below, and don't worry if three people already have responded because I have had people never get back to me or pay for the art.
Anywhoo what I need:
Post an image of the character below, if I feel I can do justice to the character I will let you know in which I will need a note with 2-3 refs of the characters (girls I am fine looking at nude, not guys)
Once I tell you it is fine I need you to send me $30 to my paypal at Damnevildog[at]gmail.com (no e-checks please)
I do have health issues that may crop up, but I try to be quick with my commissions ^^;;
Thanks for reading and for any interest!
Late update - 8-4-14
Posted 11 years agoFinally posting about what happened since the start of the month plus the last day of July.
-- 7-31-14 --
This was not much of a visit, but I had to go to the eye doctors so they can check up on me since my surgery. I got it and got seen pretty darn fast, they said that they were happy with the way things looked, I am now down to only one eye drop now (Pred fore) eye pressure is stable and that was the end of that, gonna see them again in a few weeks.
-- 8-1-14 --
This day sucked... I went to the SS medical check up, the doctor seemed cold and kept telling me to repeat my self and kept cutting me off...
First he had me take off my shoes then go over to the exam table. he asked me to touch my toes but I told him I could cause of my surgery, he wanted me to lean back which almost made me fall >>; then after a few other things I was told to lay on the table in which he grabs my leg (things get hazy at this point) but he start moving my leg around all crazy which put me into tears...
He helped me back to the chair and told me to put my shoes back on, he then was very kind and apologetic and asked me if I was feeling depressed... I told him yeah because of my eye, but he told me that I should talk to my doctors anyway... (have not yet)
Visit ended with them taking Xrays of my lower body.
Rest of the day sucked too, went to a pawn shop because I had a $10 off thing I was sent because it was my birthday... my brother got a free game, I got nothing... he then took me to Gamestop so I can trade in my normal copy of Beyond Two Souls for the limited preorder edition (has a lot of nice extras along with a steel book) then he decided to drive to Arby's for food, I did not want to go there cause it was expensive... so my brother got him self food and we drove home... I ate my 2-3 old day pizza, this just put me in a bad mood all day...
-- 8-2-14 --
My birthday... day was pretty crappy, had a lot of nice people tell me happy birthday all through the day (which was nice) the food I ate decided it did not want to stay in my body, so I had stomach issues (I did not throw up)
Instead of having a stream where I gave away art and sort of have a party, I had to have a commission stream till my best friend wrathofzod came over.
Things got better at this point, he bought me Taco Bell and we watched the newer RoboCop (sucked) and Son of Batman (awesome!) after he left I was back to my commission streaming.
The closer I got to the end of the day the better I felt, I hate my birthday I wish I was not born some times just because of the day, I never get that perfect party thing with gifts every where, I should have slept the whole day... but I needed to stream, wish I could have hung out with more of my friends at least online, everyone had things they had to do (which is fine)
I did get monies from some amazingly kind friends of mine <3 along with one gift drawing from my lil sis
glitterbabykitty <33
That is about it, thanks to everyone who supports me and who ether gave me some money or art on my birthday, and just thanks to everyone for watching me and maybe reading through all of this :P
*hugs* take care ^^
-- 7-31-14 --
This was not much of a visit, but I had to go to the eye doctors so they can check up on me since my surgery. I got it and got seen pretty darn fast, they said that they were happy with the way things looked, I am now down to only one eye drop now (Pred fore) eye pressure is stable and that was the end of that, gonna see them again in a few weeks.
-- 8-1-14 --
This day sucked... I went to the SS medical check up, the doctor seemed cold and kept telling me to repeat my self and kept cutting me off...
First he had me take off my shoes then go over to the exam table. he asked me to touch my toes but I told him I could cause of my surgery, he wanted me to lean back which almost made me fall >>; then after a few other things I was told to lay on the table in which he grabs my leg (things get hazy at this point) but he start moving my leg around all crazy which put me into tears...
He helped me back to the chair and told me to put my shoes back on, he then was very kind and apologetic and asked me if I was feeling depressed... I told him yeah because of my eye, but he told me that I should talk to my doctors anyway... (have not yet)
Visit ended with them taking Xrays of my lower body.
Rest of the day sucked too, went to a pawn shop because I had a $10 off thing I was sent because it was my birthday... my brother got a free game, I got nothing... he then took me to Gamestop so I can trade in my normal copy of Beyond Two Souls for the limited preorder edition (has a lot of nice extras along with a steel book) then he decided to drive to Arby's for food, I did not want to go there cause it was expensive... so my brother got him self food and we drove home... I ate my 2-3 old day pizza, this just put me in a bad mood all day...
-- 8-2-14 --
My birthday... day was pretty crappy, had a lot of nice people tell me happy birthday all through the day (which was nice) the food I ate decided it did not want to stay in my body, so I had stomach issues (I did not throw up)
Instead of having a stream where I gave away art and sort of have a party, I had to have a commission stream till my best friend
wrathofzod came over.Things got better at this point, he bought me Taco Bell and we watched the newer RoboCop (sucked) and Son of Batman (awesome!) after he left I was back to my commission streaming.
The closer I got to the end of the day the better I felt, I hate my birthday I wish I was not born some times just because of the day, I never get that perfect party thing with gifts every where, I should have slept the whole day... but I needed to stream, wish I could have hung out with more of my friends at least online, everyone had things they had to do (which is fine)
I did get monies from some amazingly kind friends of mine <3 along with one gift drawing from my lil sis
glitterbabykitty <33That is about it, thanks to everyone who supports me and who ether gave me some money or art on my birthday, and just thanks to everyone for watching me and maybe reading through all of this :P
*hugs* take care ^^
Late update - 7-29-14
Posted 11 years agoBleh, well I am a bit slow with an updated, figured today was as good a day as any time let to let people know how I am and what is going on ^^
--Thursday--
Went for my medical appointment, the doctor talked with me for a great while, told me I could cure my diabetes if I just lost some weight, and unlike most doctors he seems to understand that it is hard for me to do stuff because of my pains, so he is suggesting diet stuff to help me, gonna try to do so... after I have recovered from my surgery fully... to get me more healthy he put my on Vit D pills every morning and told me to take a child's aspirin too, he also put me on Amitriptyline for pains since the Gabapenintin was not working fully.
I also stopped by the Time Warner Cable shop inside Tricounty mall (it was the closest place we could go -_-) so I could get a new cable box. while driving there my brother told me the bill was $223! so when I got to the counter I told the lady I wanted to get a new cable box since mine fried and wanted to see if I could lower the bill... she sat there typing for like 15mins or more (felt like forever with my legs hurting) and she finally looks up at me and tells me what she was able to do, I got double the speed I had before (15Mbos to 30Mbps) and now have 5Mbps upload (it was 1 before) and they gave us Showtime and the bill went DOWN to $175! I was happy as heck! Not sure if I care for Showtime just yet... also I now know the speeds I had before were correct, I thought I was suppose to have 15M"B"ps but it was suppose to be 15M"b"ps, they need to be more clear about that stuff, they gave us a new modem anyway :P
--Friday & Saturday--
Surgery day, went in around 5:15am got dressed in my gown and crap and was mostly sleeping the whole time leading up to the surgery, they had issues AGAIN with the IV, they tried it three times in my right hand (still has marks on it xD) then they put it in my left hand no problem. surgery seemed like it went well acording to them, I hated the time after cause they kept telling me to wake up and breathe into this thing to test my lungs or something, BLAH! I got Serria Mist and peanut butter crackers afterwords... YEAH!
Stopped at Taco Bell on the way home cause I wanted noms and did pretty ok through the weekend pain wise, Saterday they just removed the bandages and gave me my eye drops to take till I see them again on the 31st
--Monday and today--
I am so tired, I have been sleeping too much and my eye lid is purple, bruised from the surgery, I called the hospital and the nurse seems to think it is fine, I can also lay how ever I want now, even on my back, so that is good! but yeah really tired... was gonna go see a movie tomorrow, but I think that is not gonna happen... the pains are bad (don't have any more oxicodine) and just being sleepy means I will have to skip out =\
Here is a photo of my right eye, DON'T CLICK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE!
https://www.dropbox.com/sc/3wzrqfrq.....9uparBt8MsST8a
Because of my situation I may not stream on my birthday (August 2nd) maybe I will, I hope I recover in time... before that on the 1st the government wants to test me I guess, I have a bad fleeing I wont get SS... I hope I do...
Sorry for the length of the journal, but that is what has been going on, hope you guys are doing well, thanks for reading *hugs* <3
--Thursday--
Went for my medical appointment, the doctor talked with me for a great while, told me I could cure my diabetes if I just lost some weight, and unlike most doctors he seems to understand that it is hard for me to do stuff because of my pains, so he is suggesting diet stuff to help me, gonna try to do so... after I have recovered from my surgery fully... to get me more healthy he put my on Vit D pills every morning and told me to take a child's aspirin too, he also put me on Amitriptyline for pains since the Gabapenintin was not working fully.
I also stopped by the Time Warner Cable shop inside Tricounty mall (it was the closest place we could go -_-) so I could get a new cable box. while driving there my brother told me the bill was $223! so when I got to the counter I told the lady I wanted to get a new cable box since mine fried and wanted to see if I could lower the bill... she sat there typing for like 15mins or more (felt like forever with my legs hurting) and she finally looks up at me and tells me what she was able to do, I got double the speed I had before (15Mbos to 30Mbps) and now have 5Mbps upload (it was 1 before) and they gave us Showtime and the bill went DOWN to $175! I was happy as heck! Not sure if I care for Showtime just yet... also I now know the speeds I had before were correct, I thought I was suppose to have 15M"B"ps but it was suppose to be 15M"b"ps, they need to be more clear about that stuff, they gave us a new modem anyway :P
--Friday & Saturday--
Surgery day, went in around 5:15am got dressed in my gown and crap and was mostly sleeping the whole time leading up to the surgery, they had issues AGAIN with the IV, they tried it three times in my right hand (still has marks on it xD) then they put it in my left hand no problem. surgery seemed like it went well acording to them, I hated the time after cause they kept telling me to wake up and breathe into this thing to test my lungs or something, BLAH! I got Serria Mist and peanut butter crackers afterwords... YEAH!
Stopped at Taco Bell on the way home cause I wanted noms and did pretty ok through the weekend pain wise, Saterday they just removed the bandages and gave me my eye drops to take till I see them again on the 31st
--Monday and today--
I am so tired, I have been sleeping too much and my eye lid is purple, bruised from the surgery, I called the hospital and the nurse seems to think it is fine, I can also lay how ever I want now, even on my back, so that is good! but yeah really tired... was gonna go see a movie tomorrow, but I think that is not gonna happen... the pains are bad (don't have any more oxicodine) and just being sleepy means I will have to skip out =\
Here is a photo of my right eye, DON'T CLICK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE!
https://www.dropbox.com/sc/3wzrqfrq.....9uparBt8MsST8a
Because of my situation I may not stream on my birthday (August 2nd) maybe I will, I hope I recover in time... before that on the 1st the government wants to test me I guess, I have a bad fleeing I wont get SS... I hope I do...
Sorry for the length of the journal, but that is what has been going on, hope you guys are doing well, thanks for reading *hugs* <3
god what a crappy few days -__-
Posted 11 years agoOkay, so right now I am posting from my phone... this really sucks I have no internet right now at all or TV or telephone because there is some kind of mystery outage going on for all 3 of my services which is under 1 account.
To make things worse, my DVR box is now fried so now my entire season of orphan black season 2 is gone along with all the other things that I have recorded now I am going to have to probably go and get a new box tomorrow instead of going to see transformers at the cinema.
Also I found out that I'm supposed to have 15 megabytes per second internet speed download... I only have 2 which is not even close to half, so people know what the problem is until after the service comes back on but at least they gave me credit for one month of service which is $62 so that's something so maybe I will have faster internet in the future.
So anyway, I have not been able to do commissions surprise, surprise! I just hope that the rest of the week with my medical appointments go much better then the rest has gone so far I apologize for all the people that have commissioned me and the Joint Commission I have with Keika, but they will have to wait until sometime in August once I have recovered from surgery.
Hopefully this journal has not been too hard to read, I am using the voice feature on my phone. I would kill myself before I type all this out. I wish I could have posted this on DA, but DA does not support mobile browsers hooray!
Thank you for reading *hugs* sorry about the long journal ^^;
To make things worse, my DVR box is now fried so now my entire season of orphan black season 2 is gone along with all the other things that I have recorded now I am going to have to probably go and get a new box tomorrow instead of going to see transformers at the cinema.
Also I found out that I'm supposed to have 15 megabytes per second internet speed download... I only have 2 which is not even close to half, so people know what the problem is until after the service comes back on but at least they gave me credit for one month of service which is $62 so that's something so maybe I will have faster internet in the future.
So anyway, I have not been able to do commissions surprise, surprise! I just hope that the rest of the week with my medical appointments go much better then the rest has gone so far I apologize for all the people that have commissioned me and the Joint Commission I have with Keika, but they will have to wait until sometime in August once I have recovered from surgery.
Hopefully this journal has not been too hard to read, I am using the voice feature on my phone. I would kill myself before I type all this out. I wish I could have posted this on DA, but DA does not support mobile browsers hooray!
Thank you for reading *hugs* sorry about the long journal ^^;
Medical update! also sorry for no art yesterday ^^;
Posted 11 years agoI had a doctors appointment yesterday, well an appointment with a Anesthesia doctor who I talked to in my first surgery so I can get preped for Friday for surgery on my right eye.
Things seemed to have went well except I had hip pains and needed a wheelchair while at the hospital (it made things take too long, I should have just walked >.<) also they told me to bring my CPAP machine when I go, I hate the damn thing cause I can't sleep or even be awake with it on (it's POS Dx)
So anyway, after that I managed my around Meijers to buy Vitamins, Tylanol and food... decided to grab some new speakers (they were useless so now they will be returned >.<) also some Snickers and Twix ice cream bars to have noms to keep my sugars up (they were on sale)
After that I wanted to try out this place called Firehouse Subs, turned out to be pretty good (well they were cold since I waited to eat them till after I got home and was trying setup up those stupid speakers...)
Well after all was said and done I was falling asleep tired and had put laundry in, hopped on the computer cause some one needed to talk to me and then I just zonked out.
That was kind of a needless run down of my day, but I just feel bad about not streaming and getting art done, will try to do so today ^^;
Thanks for reading, hope you are all doing well, stay safe, stay healthy! *hugs*
E D I T : I FORGOT SOMETHING! I got a letter in the mail and now have an appoint on Aug 1st for a medical test ordered by the people who are gonna decide if I can have SS monies, I hope they decide in my favor, no offence to the people who I am owed commissions to, but I am getting tired of taking commissions ^^;; I want to ether just stop or at least slow down, stress is not good for my blood pressure >>;
Cross your fingers that they will give my a birthday present of SS money xD (birthday is Aug 2nd, which btw I will be having a special stream and would love company <3)
Okay, now I am done... I hope x3 *hugs*
Things seemed to have went well except I had hip pains and needed a wheelchair while at the hospital (it made things take too long, I should have just walked >.<) also they told me to bring my CPAP machine when I go, I hate the damn thing cause I can't sleep or even be awake with it on (it's POS Dx)
So anyway, after that I managed my around Meijers to buy Vitamins, Tylanol and food... decided to grab some new speakers (they were useless so now they will be returned >.<) also some Snickers and Twix ice cream bars to have noms to keep my sugars up (they were on sale)
After that I wanted to try out this place called Firehouse Subs, turned out to be pretty good (well they were cold since I waited to eat them till after I got home and was trying setup up those stupid speakers...)
Well after all was said and done I was falling asleep tired and had put laundry in, hopped on the computer cause some one needed to talk to me and then I just zonked out.
That was kind of a needless run down of my day, but I just feel bad about not streaming and getting art done, will try to do so today ^^;
Thanks for reading, hope you are all doing well, stay safe, stay healthy! *hugs*
E D I T : I FORGOT SOMETHING! I got a letter in the mail and now have an appoint on Aug 1st for a medical test ordered by the people who are gonna decide if I can have SS monies, I hope they decide in my favor, no offence to the people who I am owed commissions to, but I am getting tired of taking commissions ^^;; I want to ether just stop or at least slow down, stress is not good for my blood pressure >>;
Cross your fingers that they will give my a birthday present of SS money xD (birthday is Aug 2nd, which btw I will be having a special stream and would love company <3)
Okay, now I am done... I hope x3 *hugs*
Taking 3 joint flat colored commissions!
Posted 11 years agoHello everyone!
Gonna take 3 flat colored commissions in this journal, I will be doing the sketches and inks and my Kitty
keika will be doing the flat colors :D
Here are examples of her flat coloring ^^:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13985319/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14003902/
I am offering these for $45 where we will be splitting the money between us.
I can do shaded if you would like which would be $60 (I will be shading the flats that she does)
Just keep in mind these are no input commissions, I can draw guys just not in adult situations or nude.
Extra characters fall into the categories in my price guide same as extra things like markings :P
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
That is it! just make sure to give keika plenty of time, she has gotten fast enough to do these in a few hours, but she is not a full time art like my self.
Thanks for any interest! ^^
Gonna take 3 flat colored commissions in this journal, I will be doing the sketches and inks and my Kitty
keika will be doing the flat colors :DHere are examples of her flat coloring ^^:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13985319/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14003902/
I am offering these for $45 where we will be splitting the money between us.
I can do shaded if you would like which would be $60 (I will be shading the flats that she does)
Just keep in mind these are no input commissions, I can draw guys just not in adult situations or nude.
Extra characters fall into the categories in my price guide same as extra things like markings :P
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12823417/
That is it! just make sure to give
keika plenty of time, she has gotten fast enough to do these in a few hours, but she is not a full time art like my self.Thanks for any interest! ^^
Assumption Meme
Posted 11 years agoEveryone is doing it and while normaly I do not take part in these kinds of things I was wondering x3
So what do you assume about me? ^^
So what do you assume about me? ^^
Update - 7-11-14 (medical) Also have Xbox One?
Posted 11 years agoWell I had an eye appointment today, the visit was rather short for once, only a half hour by the time I was back in the car and driving away!
They did the vitals thing, my blood preasure was 140 something over 89 so that was good she said, temp was 97.
I was given an eye test, I did well with reading with my left eye and I could see movment and in certain spots count fingers in my right eye, eye pressures were 11 and 12 (forgot which was which)
Right eye was already dilated without eye drops so the doc came in not too long after I got seated, he told me that the left eye looks good and most of the blood was gone (which since I have been able to draw the last three weeks I knew xD) but the right eye....
... The right eye him and another doctor told me I have scaring in the back, they seem to think it is not worth putting in a lens cause they don't believe I will have good vision out of it... but... it is not ruled out, if they feel that it looks good after they take out the oil then they will put one in.
So I have surgery on the 25th they will remove the scar in the back of the eye and the oil with a follow up visit on the 26th to remove the bandage and a checkup.
So that is that for the medical side, onto the game side!
Does anyone have an Xbox One? I would like to start being able to game with some people, only co-op stuff though! I do have my 360 still and my PS3, all my tags are Damnevildog... EVEN STREAM!
That is it, sorry for any typos and the length, everything is blurry xD take care and thanks for reading ouo *hugs*
They did the vitals thing, my blood preasure was 140 something over 89 so that was good she said, temp was 97.
I was given an eye test, I did well with reading with my left eye and I could see movment and in certain spots count fingers in my right eye, eye pressures were 11 and 12 (forgot which was which)
Right eye was already dilated without eye drops so the doc came in not too long after I got seated, he told me that the left eye looks good and most of the blood was gone (which since I have been able to draw the last three weeks I knew xD) but the right eye....
... The right eye him and another doctor told me I have scaring in the back, they seem to think it is not worth putting in a lens cause they don't believe I will have good vision out of it... but... it is not ruled out, if they feel that it looks good after they take out the oil then they will put one in.
So I have surgery on the 25th they will remove the scar in the back of the eye and the oil with a follow up visit on the 26th to remove the bandage and a checkup.
So that is that for the medical side, onto the game side!
Does anyone have an Xbox One? I would like to start being able to game with some people, only co-op stuff though! I do have my 360 still and my PS3, all my tags are Damnevildog... EVEN STREAM!
That is it, sorry for any typos and the length, everything is blurry xD take care and thanks for reading ouo *hugs*
Character auction going on from a friend!
Posted 11 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/13867609/
My friend memokkeen (YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING HER! xD) is having a character auction right now, please check it out and also buy all of her arts!
That is all I have, I love my friend Memo so I wanted help her cause she needs the monies! ^^
My friend
memokkeen (YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING HER! xD) is having a character auction right now, please check it out and also buy all of her arts!That is all I have, I love my friend Memo so I wanted help her cause she needs the monies! ^^
Being left behind...
Posted 11 years agoThis is something that I am always in constant fear of, friends just ditching me... most because that has happened a lot, my school friends (save one) and people on the net, I guess they don't understand that I take any friendship I have seriously cause I consider them to be important unless they do enough to cause me to think otherwise.
Since I started to stream a lot to pay for my own food and games (which I consider both as needs since I can't leave the house a lot due to my disabilities) I have amassed a lot of people on my Skype, I have made such amazing friends who also consider each other friends (not all of them, but there are groups)
This should make my life awesome despite all my issues (most notably the months of near blindness I had to go through that just passed) but it's not, the circle of friends is getting distorted and I feel left out because of various reasons, I'm still me, I may get really sad at times because of my issues, and I know it is hard to be around me when that happens... but this is a time when I need friends the most, instead it seems you just leave me to suffer alone and hang out and do things with the people I introduced you to, that hurts a lot, I can't even tell you...
There are people that are dedicated, they are there far more then they think they are, even if they may not be online to talk to me everyday I know they would if they could, like the guy I will just refer to as Naf, or Daemon who has tries his best and I will try my best to play Borderlands 2 again with, I also have my sis, my ferret, Plushie and my lil fox.
I have plenty of other people who still try, but the fact that there are people I use to be really close to just suddenly have dropped me for things that were not my fault is crushing.
I had to vent, sorry for that, but it's what I use my journals for... so yeah that is all I really want to say... other then when I am joking around in a stream it is jokes, I get made fun of plenty and try not to take things seriously, the fact some people do and just disappear from my stream is not cool, I was gutted in my stream on Tuesday where I spent the last 3 or so hours crying while trying to finish a picture I owed.
Thanks for reading and again I am sorry for the ranting, just feeling alone *hugs*
Since I started to stream a lot to pay for my own food and games (which I consider both as needs since I can't leave the house a lot due to my disabilities) I have amassed a lot of people on my Skype, I have made such amazing friends who also consider each other friends (not all of them, but there are groups)
This should make my life awesome despite all my issues (most notably the months of near blindness I had to go through that just passed) but it's not, the circle of friends is getting distorted and I feel left out because of various reasons, I'm still me, I may get really sad at times because of my issues, and I know it is hard to be around me when that happens... but this is a time when I need friends the most, instead it seems you just leave me to suffer alone and hang out and do things with the people I introduced you to, that hurts a lot, I can't even tell you...
There are people that are dedicated, they are there far more then they think they are, even if they may not be online to talk to me everyday I know they would if they could, like the guy I will just refer to as Naf, or Daemon who has tries his best and I will try my best to play Borderlands 2 again with, I also have my sis, my ferret, Plushie and my lil fox.
I have plenty of other people who still try, but the fact that there are people I use to be really close to just suddenly have dropped me for things that were not my fault is crushing.
I had to vent, sorry for that, but it's what I use my journals for... so yeah that is all I really want to say... other then when I am joking around in a stream it is jokes, I get made fun of plenty and try not to take things seriously, the fact some people do and just disappear from my stream is not cool, I was gutted in my stream on Tuesday where I spent the last 3 or so hours crying while trying to finish a picture I owed.
Thanks for reading and again I am sorry for the ranting, just feeling alone *hugs*
Art is now a go
Posted 11 years agoWell I tried to do a game stream twice, I don't see how I will ever make any money doing that... so even though I really did not want to I did an art stream tonight.
I feel like crap right now, tired, achy and dizzy. but the people who showed up and talked to me, donated and were just there made it worth it.
I probably won't be going full force on art... I have a lot of games and stuff I want, I want to buy my own food so I don't feel so guilty about my brother and his two jobs, but I am on a knife edge of sorts, if I am too sick I won't bother, I don't have the fight in me, so maybe sometimes I promise I will stream then I might not be able to.
Gonna try to work on the two commissions I have on my list and get them done soon as possible, I can only apologize for the wait, same as for the people who said they were willing to just let me keep the money, also a big thanks to
B34R_Po3r1o for understanding and to yoon who took on his commissions for me, I don't know what to say to all that, I can't really do much to show my gratitude other then I will be doing sketches for the people who are not getting art from me who paid.
So this is me as sort of back because I have to, I really don't want to draw because of my condition, but I am here and looking forward to at least chatting people when I do stream (which means no offline commissions, if you can't be in a stream please leave a commission request in the stream image)
Thanks for reading, putting up with me and stuff, you guys are so awesome *hugs*
I feel like crap right now, tired, achy and dizzy. but the people who showed up and talked to me, donated and were just there made it worth it.
I probably won't be going full force on art... I have a lot of games and stuff I want, I want to buy my own food so I don't feel so guilty about my brother and his two jobs, but I am on a knife edge of sorts, if I am too sick I won't bother, I don't have the fight in me, so maybe sometimes I promise I will stream then I might not be able to.
Gonna try to work on the two commissions I have on my list and get them done soon as possible, I can only apologize for the wait, same as for the people who said they were willing to just let me keep the money, also a big thanks to
B34R_Po3r1o for understanding and to yoon who took on his commissions for me, I don't know what to say to all that, I can't really do much to show my gratitude other then I will be doing sketches for the people who are not getting art from me who paid.So this is me as sort of back because I have to, I really don't want to draw because of my condition, but I am here and looking forward to at least chatting people when I do stream (which means no offline commissions, if you can't be in a stream please leave a commission request in the stream image)
Thanks for reading, putting up with me and stuff, you guys are so awesome *hugs*
